{"sf1_id":912504,"sf2_id":"ynZdQ4Be","title":"Reintroduced to Vulnerability","author":"Riverweasel","words":432,"posted_at":"2015-09-19T19:59:00.000Z","tags":["Fear","Pain","Poem","Relationships"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/912504-reintroduced-to-vulnerability","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/ynZdQ4Be","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/cc/c7/ccc73d0f-7508-4b94-be85-102048f0a5d5","description":"#17 of Poems\n\nFor every triumph, a defeat looms around the corner, waiting to pounce and exchange your joy for tears.","content":"For most of my adult life, I've lived cold, distant, isolated\n\nHiding far away from the traffic of a relationship, lest it be my demise\n\nShifting ever so cautiously, each step through tall reeds\n\nAvoiding contact, for most of what I knew was pain\n\nMy only line to sanity was with the one friend who became more\n\nA rock, that while unsteady, helped me balance\n\nTeetering mitigated, I latched on and like the roots of a tree\n\nI found soil to grow into and pull nourishment\n\nProgress was long and life was a formidable opponent\n\nSeveral eons, the battle of soul and mind raged\n\nUntil, with a final bellow, the walls began to cave\n\nAnd the sunlight poured inside my soul again\n\nOh how I missed its embrace, its grip and warmth\n\nYearning, I continued the demolition, borders broken\n\nI felt again, happiness, exuberance, joy, fullness\n\nPlayfully, I bounded through the shadows I once hid in\n\nRisks once deemed too dangerous were taken,\n\nI tasted what love could be, sweet honey\n\nCraving more, I strained to stay close\n\nBut in my desire, I was reminded of the Sun\n\nFor its warmth is wonderful, but it will burn\n\nThe ever familiar tingles of pain long forgotten\n\nStaved off by the bubble that is no more\n\nTear at the flesh of the mind like a scythe\n\nFear, true terror hiding in disappointments, hurts\n\nTeasing at my head as I remember what once was\n\nWhile I fight to keep from what was even still\n\nHaunting memories drive me forward\n\nBut the amber eyes of rejection do not break\n\nThe gaze is ever foreboding, always present\n\nThe nightmarish daydreams concocted\n\nSmall moments that propel volatile imaginations\n\nVisions that drive emotions into a spiral\n\nCritical damage to a fragile machine\n\nOperator fights to correct the mistakes\n\nUntrained, pressing any and all buttons\n\nI stepped out of the familiar with a smile\n\nAnd though it gave me a few months\n\nReality was there to greet me on my return\n\nThere is never an end to the struggle\n\nOld foes put on new masks, demons haunt\n\nEchoing doubt in the furthest reaches\n\nWhat if I'm pushed aside, left behind\n\nUnable to keep up with another's ambition\n\nI pant, gasp, heave, vomit and fall, gripping\n\nThe sand underneath my curled fingers\n\nMy tears saltier than the ocean nearby\n\nWhat if I healed just to be forgotten again\n\nVulnerable once more, I realize that this is life\n\nI do not, cannot know the outcome\n\nSo I will listen to my heart and my gut\n\nAnd hope that my scars aren't reopened\n\n  \n  \n\n","series":{"name":"Poems","previous":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/845351-that-which-remains.json"}}