{"sf1_id":975660,"sf2_id":"0mvodvQn","title":"Of Dragons and Accountants (Text Only)","author":"FakeMan","words":2936,"posted_at":"2016-03-13T18:36:00.000Z","tags":["Accountant","Catering","Doggerel","Dragon","Kobald","M/F","Ogre","Romance","Security Evoker","The list goes on","Transformation","Verse","Virgin Sacrifice","lawyer","nonsense"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/975660-of-dragons-and-accountants-text-only","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/0mvodvQn","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/19/53/19538760-0022-4f21-8a54-250348216ab9","description":"#2 of Verse and Other Nonsense!\n\nLet's see . . . We've got dragons in penthouse suites, occult lawyers, addled accountants, Kobald Katering, an ogre connoisseur, and an intern who gets what she deserves.\nFull Audio Version over here - https://www.sofurry.com/view/975656","content":"Of Dragons and Accountants\n\nThe accounting team was baffled as they all threw up their hands.\n\nWhat had they done to irk the fiercest dragon in the lands?\n\nTheir portfolios were shrinking and their peerless name was hurt\n\nAs the dragon's paralegal might had drug them through the dirt.\n\nThey'd tried to leave him money, to balm his mighty rage,\n\nWith diverse foreign assets and some tender they had made.\n\nBut the dragon wouldn't have it and instead had razed it all:\n\nIn three fiery blasts he prophesized their soon to come downfall\n\nHaving little profit left the team was forced to hire a prophet\n\nIn hopes that he would know the beast and might ordain to stop it.\n\nWith their lack of funds they hired a man from Seventy Simmery Axe\n\nWho guaranteed his portents all stopped dragons in their tracks.\n\nJohn Wellington Wells, as he was called, then stroked his crystal ball,\n\nAnd stirred his pot and muttered as if he could see it all.\n\n\"If you want to stop a dragon then you must know of its vices.\n\nAnd what all evil beasts do love is virgin sacrifices!\"\n\nDonald shrugged and squeezed Beth's hand, they booth looked at the group.\n\nThey'd been together in the copy room (with the office in the loop.)\n\nThe lawyers shrugged and scratched their heads all showing no remorse:\n\nNo virgins left since Hell vs. Wayne's infernal legal force.\n\nThomas had a string of boyfriends, though none stayed any longer.\n\nJenny was divorced twice over (as her love for whips was stronger.)\n\nThe CEO's own love life was both sordid and profane.\n\nAnd this left most the office staring quietly at Jane.\n\nShe was just a lowly secretary, barely an intern,\n\nAnd as they backed her in the corner, her cheeks began to burn.\n\nShe'd had loads of lovers, so she claimed, though just the other day\n\nThey'd heard her pining sighs of how guys never looked her way.\n\nAnd so they apprehended her with mobbish howling cries,\n\nAnd bound her to the filing cabinet using their silk ties.\n\nTheir impetus was halted as they waited at the door,\n\nThen piling in the lift up to the twenty second floor.\n\nThree smoking scorches up there formed a sulfurous triad.\n\nWhere they rolled her on a dolly to the helicopter pad.\n\nJane kicked and screamed and bit as she was laid out by her firm.\n\nHer bosses started chanting as she fruitlessly did squirm.\n\nShe'd received no paid vacations, or a salary at all,\n\nAnd they all abandoned her when the beast began to call.\n\nIt's resounding roar did shake the town and made the staff all flee\n\nAs the dragon came to perch above his new found mystery.\n\n\"An offering dear beast, so we can put our feud at end.\n\nShe's yours so long as we all never hear from you again.\"\n\nThe beast reared back and snorted flame, a wall of scaly ire.\n\nWhile he grabbed the cabinet in his claws, the men did all perspire.\n\nWings flapping down with thunderous noise he bore her to the air,\n\nFying down between the skyscrapers, wind whipping through her hair.\n\nJane's screams of horror were lost and drowned, but soon replaced with awe.\n\nAs she saw the cityscape unfold the view did drop her jaw.\n\n\"Don't worry dear, it's not far yet,\" she heard the dragon rumble.\n\nVoice dark as pitch, deep as the seas, while the flight did gyre and tumble.\n\nHer reply was meek as she writhed, clenched in gentle iron grip.\n\n\"Are you going to eat me then?\" She asked without a quip.\n\n\"Oh how dreadful, such a thing is not permittable.\n\nI'd hate for you to think that I was inhospitable.\"\n\nHe chuckled as they soared, like he was having quite a lark\n\nAs he landed in his penthouse lair with a view central park.\n\n\"I'll help you down,\" he boomed out as she marveled at his hoard.\n\nHis talons cut the tied tight ties, each the size of a broadsword.\n\nShe rubbed her wrists and marveled at his golden treasures there:\n\nFrom Steinways lined with diamonds, to pics with Fred Astaire.\n\nThere were sofas sewn with satin, cushions with a fine chiffon,\n\nA bar with gleaming crystal, the list went on and on.\n\n\"Now my dear, let's have a chat.\" He relaxed his massive form,\n\nTruck sized tail curled next to him as if it were the norm.\n\n\"Your employers are quite volatile. Their greed is evident.\n\nAnd I'm afraid that they have done me wrong, when they raised my rent.\n\nI'm quite fond of my humble flat . . .I never want to leave it\n\nAnd those cheeky bastards could care less, I hardly can believe it.\n\n\"Rent control?\" Jane asked, as she scratched her frazzled hair.\n\n\"You could ask the guys in finances . . . I think they do that there.\"\n\n\"At this point if they all relent, I won't be satisfied.\n\nThey need to learn a lesson, so I'll take it from their hide.\"\n\n\"I'm really just an intern, so I don't know much at all\n\nI've only been a secretary working since last fall.\n\nI don't get any benefits from working there all day,\n\nBut I hope that sometime soon, that they will take me on with pay.\"\n\nThe dragon sighed, his tail twitched, and smoke rose up in plumes\n\nHis golden eyes both narrowed as he glowered 'round the room\n\n\"So you've been in their employ, for three seasons as of now,\n\nAnd they never deigned to pay you? This I simply won't allow.\n\n\"You seem fit in mind and body, all as far as I can see,\n\nSo why don't you quit your job there, and come to work for me?\"\n\nJane stared up at the massive beast, and swallowed heavily\n\n\"I'm not sure that I'm qualified . . .\" She said uncertainly.\n\n\"Nonsense,\" boomed the fearsome drake. \"They've done naught but feed you lies.\n\nYou're perfect for the job.\" He said much to her surprise.\n\n\"For terms I can assure you of a hefty salary:\n\nFive doubloons, and six gold marks, and a goat thrown in monthly.\"\n\n\"It really does sound nice, you know, to do a job for pay.\n\nBut I'm still not sure that I can really help in any way . . .\"\n\nHer gaze fell down, her spirits drooped, as she felt out of place,\n\nBut her chin was raised by a great claw as he stared into her face.\n\n\"I won't force you to join me, but hear what I have to say.\n\nI mean every single thing that I have told you here this day.\n\nBut before you fully choose, let's just have a bite to eat.\n\nI took the liberty of ordering from Jacques and Marguerite.\"\n\nIt was a local six star restaurant, with a waiting list of years\n\nThe promise of forbidden food did well to soothe her fears.\n\n\"So, what is it that you want of me?\" Jane asked in trepidation,\n\nThough being made a sacrifice was more like a vacation.\n\n\"You know those stoats, you've worked with them. That's valuable to me.\n\nFor what I seek to do this certain knowledge is a key.\n\nFor although I could raze their firm into a pile of ash\n\nThe insurance claim alone would nearly double up their cash.\"\n\n\"No, I wish to ruin them, so no one can misconstrue.\n\nAnd you should want this goal as well, for what they've done to you.\n\nI offer you revenge, my dear, a dish as rare as gold.\n\nAnd better served with friends who can enjoy it while it's cold . . .\"\n\nWith the mention of a dish their came a sudden booming rapping\n\nAs if a giant visitor outside the door was tapping.\n\nThe dragon bade them come inside, and the chamber doors swung wide\n\nAllowing three full ogres and a kobald troop inside.\n\nThey set up a massive table, that was long and flat and wide\n\nAs they carried in the food that then they all laid out with pride.\n\nFour roasted lambs all gleaming with a chutney marinade\n\nWith platters piled with tapas, set on lavish silk brocade.\n\nThe ogres dressed as bellhops then rolled in a full hogshead:\n\n\"Pinot 1823, a lovely year for red.\"\n\nScampering reptilians filled her a crystal cup\n\nAs the ogres filled the dragon's ewer and they began to sup.\n\n\"You know I never really liked it there . . .\" Jane sipped the fine red wine.\n\n\"Although it was purgatory, it was all that I could find.\n\nWhat is it that you want to know? I'll tell you all I can.\n\nTheir security is tight, but their personnel are bland.\"\n\n\"It's the little things that count.\" He crunched down half a steaming roast\n\n\"Like finding out specifically what would bother them the most.\n\nWhat nuanced little secrets there can let us in their heads?\n\nWhat malignant aberrations can we scrape from barren beds?\"\n\n\"Well, Donald's scared of spiders, and Margaret's always late.\"\n\nAs the words poured out she found her captors easier to hate.\n\n\"The CEO philanders, and Tom can't hold his drink.\n\nHR is skimming off the top, or so everybody thinks.\"\n\n\"They contract out to aboleths, and demons do their bills.\n\nThey say they give you sick leave, but fire you if you're ill.\n\nThe building isn't up to code, they bribed a county clerk,\n\nAnd the thing that's never done there, is any real work.\"\n\nThe dragon's eyes did widen as she listed all her woes.\n\nHer disposition changed, her coworkers seen as foes.\n\nThey ate as they discussed, and went through their fine meal.\n\nHe found himself enamored with her sudden righteous zeal.\n\n\"If you could get back at them, would you seize upon the chance?\n\nMaking their lives miserable . . . does this appeal perchance?\"\n\nShe paused as she considered, gnawing on a giant prawn.\n\n\"I would be happy if they went the way of Babylon.\"\n\n\"With that idea in mind, my dear, I have a proposition.\n\nSomething that could aid us when we go upon our mission.\"\n\nHe rose and shook his wings as he trotted to the bar\n\nMoving with the grace of mountains as he grabbed an earthen jar\n\nThe kobalds all took notice as he laid back down with a boom.\n\nHe slid the jar across to her as silence filled the room.\n\n\"Have you ever felt, just deep inside, that there was something wrong?\n\nThat you were the only intellect, amongst the gibbering throng?\"\n\n\"When they forced you to their office, and made you deal with all their slop,\n\nDid you not feel you should burn it all, to make the madness stop?\n\nThat your small and fleshy body didn't match your seething ire?\n\nMy dear, I have a remedy, if of this game you tire . . .\"\n\nHer eyes locked with his luminous gaze as he whispered out her thoughts\n\nUntying what, inside her mind, had been a mess of knots.\n\nShe had just one simple question, as she grasped the earthen vase\n\n\"What exactly is contained inside this simply crafted case?\"\n\n\"Brewed for seven centuries, and boiled for seven years,\n\nMade from belladonna, and stirred with shoggoth tears.\n\nA symphony was liquified and added to the brew,\n\nWith a dash of my own essence added while it was to stew.\"\n\nHe continued on his story as she looked down at the pot\n\nWhatever was contained was better than if she did not.\n\nAnd so she did surprise the beast by lifting up the vase\n\nAnd drinking all the contents down, with lack of table grace.\n\nIt tasted like a challenge: a line drawn in the sand:\n\nAn ethereal ambrosia laced with spite and marzipan.\n\nIt burned like liquid fire as her senses it did sear.\n\nShe finished with a belch of smoke, expression rather queer.\n\nThe dragon raised a scaly brow, startled through and through,\n\nFor such a strong elixir, a cup at most would do.\n\nBut he didn't mourn the liquid's loss as she stared up from the table\n\nEyes blazing in to amber as her muscles bulged like cable.\n\n\"With such a heavy dosage, this should happen rapidly . . .\n\nThen again I've never seen the like, so we will really have to see.\"\n\nHe watched as her hands tensed, scraping runnels in the wood,\n\nFingers bulging into daggers on her way to dragonhood.\n\nJane's back arched as she rose, chair clattering to the floor.\n\nAs scaly wings burst from her back, the ogres watched in horror.\n\nShe overturned the table, neck extending as she roared.\n\nThe dragon smiled as he looked down, at his intensifying ward.\n\nHer scales were blue as Neptune, as they shimmered down her skin.\n\nShe crashed forwards to her talons body swelling out again.\n\nHer spine creaked as her armored tail thrashed about behind,\n\nSwatting errant kobalds as they watched her leave mankind.\n\nHer business dress was ruined as the room did seem to shrink,\n\nAnd her mind did race as she kept pace, and started then to think.\n\nShe was in control, her life was hers, her wings unfurled in glee\n\nWith flaming roar, she she fully left her weak humanity.\n\n\"Quite impressive, I must say. You were worthy of the phial.\n\nGlossy blue is just so you . . . It fit's your new life style.\"\n\nSpeaking as he rose, he walked around her very near\n\nSmiling as he leaned in close and whispered in her ear.\n\n\"I can see your body brimming, filled with new-found energy.\n\nThere might be a good use that you can put it to with me . . .\"\n\nHe rubbed against her haunches as the ogres left the room,\n\nLeaving the lights low, kobalds peering through the gloom.\n\nShe opened up her jaws, the darkness thrumming with her voice\n\n\"And what would you have me do, if I let you have your choice?\"\n\nShe swung her tail coyly, as she brimmed with growing power\n\nJust as large as he, as they cavorted in his tower.\n\n\"They said you were a virgin, before they all did strike\n\nWhich seems like such a pity, for there's so much here to like . . .\"\n\nHis wings then stretched out causally as he let his comment slide\n\nLooking down her perfect form as he nuzzled at her side\n\n\"I've not slept yet with a dragon, which is surely how you tell.\"\n\nShe leaned in up against him, taking in his smokey smell.\n\n\"There's no time like the present then . . .\" he replied without pause.\n\n\"And time we have before we both go fighting for our cause.\"\n\nShe craned her neck around as her tail whipped to the side.\n\n\"Then let's both try to fill it, and become more unified . . .\"\n\nMore instructions were not needed as he knew just what to do,\n\nLeaning in behind her, red scales scraping over blue.\n\nThey rocked the whole foundation as their roars rang loud and clear.\n\nShe clenched herself around him as their precipice drew near.\n\nHe nuzzled in behind her with his massive scaled chin.\n\nHer wings both tensed below him as they raised a fearsome din.\n\nShe leaned back with a rumble and then clenched her mighty thew.\n\nHe groaned out in surprise as there was nothing left to do . . .\n\nTheir colossal bodies quaked as they rocked from stern to prow\n\nIf she was a virgin prior, she was just a dragon now.\n\nAs they wound down from their reverie she tested her new form:\n\nA sublime and wondrous body that she took as her new norm.\n\nThe kobalds all were cowed, as was their rightful place\n\nAs she confidently shone with new found draconic grace.\n\nShe strode to the veranda, and with a surging fling\n\nWas soon flying through the city, and her mate was at her wing.\n\nTheir dragon song resounded as they both surveyed the land\n\nWith the Thaumaturgic College and the church of Vecna's Hand.\n\nAll the little people went about their daily chores,\n\nA vague few looking nervously at where the dragons soared.\n\nJane felt at home up in the sky, wind whipping past her scales\n\nLoving her new position, and all that it entails.\n\nSoon they both veered in their flight, they had a mission yet\n\nAs they neared her past employer's that had put her into debt.\n\nThe accountants closed their windows, and the lawyers drew the blinds,\n\nA defense so unworthy, as they would all soon find.\n\nThe security evoker was then summoned to the roof\n\nTo fight the fell red dragon who was baring nail and tooth.\n\nSpouting gouts of flame with noisy roars that made the firm all shiver\n\nAs the enchanter tired to shoo him, lightning bolts no more than glitter.\n\nBut while they were distracted, the other dragon struck,\n\nTalons busting through the building into where she once was stuck.\n\nShe grabbed a filing cabinet, and snatched up a Rolodex.\n\nShe laughed at their security, a feeble useless hex.\n\nAt once both of the dragons left, as quick as they had come,\n\nLeaving the accountants fretting, and the lawyers all struck dumb.\n\nThey had not taken any money. They had let the stocks all be,\n\nBut had taken off with their entire business history.\n\nThis opened up the firm to all new liabilities,\n\nWith their past open to the dragons who could use it as they please.\n\nSo the day was ended, and the company did learn\n\nWhat it truly meant if you neglected an intern.\n\n  \n  \n\n","series":{"name":"Verse and Other Nonsense!","previous":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/697919-thinking-sinking-thoughts.json","next":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1095137-full-moon-medication.json"}}