Bottled to Breaking Point
Back with another writing prompt, which is "This Week's Writing Challenge: When there's too much on the plate, when the cup runneth over, and/or the straw that broke the camel's back."
Not too much to say about this story really; just something that was inspired from reading another story talking about similar things.
As always, enjoy!
He didn't remember what had started it in the first place, what had made him snap like this, but he was at least aware it had been building up for quite a while. In fact, Adrian knew exactly what had catalysed it.
He'd been working hard, spending years in college, working toward what he truly wanted to make his profession, not for the money, but to really fulfil what he wanted. The white wolf had been gunning for a certain university for a while now, having seen what they had to offer him, and liking what he saw in it, done as much as he could to get in, especially given all the competition he had to work against.
The message he'd been waiting for, one he'd been both looking forward to, and dreading deeply, came one summer day, the same as any other, in between graduation and the start of university. He'd seen the new notification, at the given time, on the given day. He'd clicked on the message, opened it, feeling the anticipation build up…
He'd snapped his laptop shut and had come away with disappointment. Still, he didn't feel as bad back then as he did now.
Fast forward several months, and Adrian was not having the best time of his life, to say the least. The university and the course he had been able to get with his grades weren't really anything like what he had wanted to or thought he'd be learning, and it was showing in how his grades seemed to be going nowhere but down in general, plus the lack of motivation from just how unfulfilling this line of learning was for him.
Couple that with the lingering disappointment and self-loathing the wolf still had from having been rejected from his most desired course, and his crippling introvertedness leading to a painfully noticeable lack of new friends in his new school, and one may have thought he might be depressed from everything; for him, though, he didn't feel as though that was the case. He simply took what he had been given and worked with it, as much as he could.
At least, that's what he wanted to believe. Sorely so.
It was a shame he'd never been a good liar… especially to himself.
His parents, his family, didn't help all that much. Oh, sure, they said they supported him… but they'd never go out of their way to give him some emotional support. At least it wasn't as bad as with his siblings… he didn't want to think about them anymore; he might just smash or shred something and continue pummeling it long after it had shattered or been torn out of sheer anger and frustration. God knew he'd almost done that exact thing several times before.
Today… today was somehow worse than even the others he'd had since he'd been forced to go to this university and its classes. Adrian couldn't remember how it went down exactly, but he did know that it had to do with his grades… or lack of them. That it had started when he'd handed in a less than stellar assignment. He didn't remember what his lecturer had said to him then… but he did remember how it had made him feel at the time.
After all of the downturns and setbacks, the loneliness, the helpless feelings, the anger and frustration, the self-hatred, as well as regular hatred, the emptiness, the dispiritedness of having to learn something that was becoming increasingly clear wasn't cut out for him, the sheer lack of passion and fulfilment he had, all accumulated over month after month of being here… somehow, it was the words of one lecturer, words he couldn't even properly remember now, that were the straw that broke the camel's back. Or in this case, Adrian's back.
At first, he thought the wolf thought he had taken it rather well. As classes went on, however… he could feel something building up within him. Unpleasant thoughts and emotions beginning to bubble up, rising and rising, threatening to consume, to overwhelm him. It was all he could to try and keep his composure until finally, finally, the last classes had been dismissed for the day. Adrian couldn't have gotten out of there faster.
The wolf didn't know where he was going, his mind clouded by a potent cocktail of negativity, his thoughts losing all pretence of coherency. All he did know was the vice-like need to just get out of there as soon as possible, as far as possible.
Eventually, though he didn't know how (his memories of the event seemed to have been washed away by the tide of dark, dark feeling) Adrian found himself hidden inside a small, dark space; a janitor's closet, if the scent of cleaning chemicals was any indication. It didn't matter to the wolf, however. He was alone, and that's all he wanted to be at that moment.
As soon as the door to the closet had shut, Adrian wasted no time in collapsing to the floor, his knees drawn up to his chest, before burying his head as he began to sob uncontrollably in between bouts of hyperventilation.
'God, this fucking sucks.'
'I'm so fucking pathetic.'
'Why– why?'
'I hate this. I hate it so much.'
'God, why can't I just get a grip–'
These were only a small fraction of the kinds of thoughts that were running wild in his head, as Adrian sat there, tears falling from his eyes, making tracks through his fur, the only sounds in the room coming from the gasps he was making.
The images he had in his head along with the verbal thoughts, of flinging himself of the roof of the highest building he could find, of his arms and hands cut open, blood pouring freely into a shining puddle on the floor, a noose wrapped around his neck, only served to fuel the trainwreck he currently was, his sobs almost turning into anguished screams at times, Adrian only barely managing to restrain himself from making too much noise.
It went on like this for what felt like hours, this breakdown of his, though it was likely less than even one.
Adrian, with his sharp, canine hearing, picked up the sound of someone walking down the hallway the closet was on, and he quickly held his breath, tried to stop sobbing so loudly. For several moments, he was silent, his body shaking with suppressed sobs, hoping fervently that whoever it was walking down the corridor would simply walk on by and kindly leave him alone to continue his mental breakdown session.
The door handle turned.
The crying wolf cursed under his breath, before trying to form a snarl at the intruder (though, in all honesty, he was probably the one guilty of trespassing). However, his half-hearted attempt gave way to another sob as he tripped over the lump in his throat. God, he couldn't even get that right.
The door opened fully, revealing… not the janitor, as the wolf had been expecting, but…
“A-Axell?" Adrian said. At least, he tried to, but once again, he was interrupted by a sob from his throat.
His panther classmate didn't say anything (not surprising), just closed the door behind him, before kneeling next to the wolf. Adrian was now perplexed alongside the myriad of things he was feeling, but his stupid throat wouldn't stop being lumpy and making him cry, and now he was just embarrassing himself.
“Shhh…" Axell breathed to him, holding up his digits as he did. “Breathe…"
He began folding his digits down as the feline told him to breathe. It took a few moments for Adrian to comprehend what was happening, before following him; taking a deep breath everytime the Axell put a finger down, repeating the process with each hand, until eventually, finally, Adrian had calmed down from his mental break, the only remnant of it being the shaky breaths he still had.
Slowly, he looked up, facing his quiet panther classmate, shakily asking him, “H-how? Why?"
Axell only gave him a solemn smile as he replied, “I figured you needed some help."
It didn't answer much of anything, but honestly, Adrian didn't care about that right now. He could get more elaborate, more thorough answers later. For now, though… the white wolf leaned into the black feline's chest, wrapped his arms around his torso, and continued to sob silently, as the panther silently and gently, soothingly rubbed his back.