FSE

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January 2012

“Did Belinda tell you who else she invited?" Alex asked his friend.

“Van and Mike will be there," Roy replied. He slowed the Prizm to a stop and flicked on the turn signal.

“Yeah, but what about girls?" inquired the donkey.

“I was getting to that… Gimme a sec…" The young German Shepherd pressed his footpaw to the accelerator and eased the car into the flow of traffic. “Umm, her cousin, Sheri. Marcie and Tanya are coming."

“Tanya?" Alex grinned. “Do you think Belinda is trying to hook her up with Van?"

“I don't think Belinda is trying to hook anybody up with anybody," said Roy. “They aren't even the same species."

“Felines are felines," asserted Alex.

“And equines are equines," Roy countered. “Would you date a zebra?"

“Hey, I would 'date' just about any female if she puts out," the donkey informed his friend.

“In that case, maybe Belinda is trying to hook Tanya up with you," said Roy with a chuckle.

“Are you saying Tanya puts out? If so, bring her on," said Alex. “They're all pink on the inside."

The dog took his eyes off the road long enough to throw his friend a disapproving look.

“Hey, don't you go all specist on me," said Alex. “I happen to know your grandpa is a coyote."

“At least I'm one hundred percent canine," said Roy. “You're talking about fucking a cat."

“I wouldn't have to worry about knocking her up," the equine pointed out. “It's the ultimate in birth control. Which reminds me: I was going to buy you a case of condoms for your birthday. What size should I get? Extra Large? Jumbo?"

Roy scowled. “Seriously, dude. Belinda and I aren't having sex… yet."

“Humongous, then," Alex laughed. “Hey, Roy?"

“Huh?"

“What's the word?"

The canine cocked his head to the side. “I dunno. What's the word?"

“Legs." Alex paused dramatically. “Spread the word!"

The two teenage males broke out in a loud chorus of barks and brays.

Roy wiped a tear of laughter from his eye. “We're here," the dog announced as he turned into the driveway of his girlfriend's house. He shifted the car into park and turned off the ignition. “Behave yourself in there."

Alex raised his right hand. “You can count on me," he promised.

+

Belinda met the newly arrived party guests at the front door. “Hi, guys," she said cheerfully. The female German Shepherd gave her boyfriend a quick hug. “Just throw your coats on the couch with the others. Everybody else is in the family room."

Roy and Alex shucked their winter coats in the small formal living room and followed their hostess to the large casual family room at the back of the house.

“Alex, you haven't met my cousin Sheri before," said Belinda. “Sheri, this is Roy's friend, Alex Chambers."

Sheri, a German Shepherd like her cousin, raised her hand in a small wave. “Nice to meet you," she said, looking deep into Alex's blue eyes.

Roy looked over at his equine pal. Alex's mouth hung slightly open and his long ears, which normally angled slightly forward and out, stood erect.

Alex blinked and mumbled an awkward, “Uh, hi."

Roy stepped up to divert attention away from the seemingly paralyzed and tongue-tied donkey. “Where are your folks tonight, Belinda?"

“Oh, they went to visit some friends of theirs," said Belinda. “They'll be home around eleven."

“I'm surprised they trust you with all these males in the house," said Tanya. The Sphynx shook her head. “My parents would never let me have a party like this unsupervised."

“They know I'm a good girl," said Belinda.

Van snickered. “Hey, do you know the difference between a nice girl and a good girl?" the cheetah asked.

Mike took the bait. “What's the difference?" asked the camel.

“Oh, I know this one!" said Sheri. All eyes turned to Belinda's cousin. “A nice girl knows it's hard to be good. But a good girl knows it's got to be hard to be good."

All of the girls chittered with laughter. Roy puzzled over that for an extra moment before the innuendo finally sunk in. He clapped a paw over his eyes and shook his head. Alex leaned in close to his buddy and said with a whisper, “I like this girl!"

“Okay, everybody," Belinda announced. “Pizza, snacks, and drinks are in the dining room. Grab a plate while everything is still warm then come on back in here."

+

Roy was on the hunt for second helpings. He followed Van into the dining room where the cheetah was surveying an array of decimated pizza boxes. “Anything good left?" asked the German Shepherd.

“A couple slices of beef. Lots of veggie and plain cheese," said the feline with a sigh. “You want this last slice of pepperoni?" Van offered.

“Naw, you go ahead," said Roy, “I'm just going to grab a pawful of Toritos and something to drink." The canine leaned in close to his pal and gestured toward the family room where their other friends were clustered. “What do you think of Tanya?" he asked quietly.

“Oh, she's okay I guess," Van replied as he dropped the pepperoni pizza slice onto a fresh paper plate. “She seems nice enough but…" the cheetah scrunched up his face, “to be honest, hairless cats kind of creep me out."

“Seriously?"

“Hey, don't get me wrong," Van said defensively, “I don't have anything personal against Sphynxes. But just look at her, man. She doesn't even have whiskers. Can you imagine kissing that muzzle?"

“I never thought that whiskers or a lack of them was a show-stopper," said Roy.

“That's easy for you to say," the cheetah responded. “You have Belinda. Same species. Hell, even the same breed." Van slid another slice of pizza onto his plate and elbowed Roy in the ribs. He lowered his voice, “How is she at kissing?"

“Well, uh…" stammered the canine, “we haven't, uh…"

“Who are you trying to kid?" said Van. “Shit, I bet you're in a run-down somewhere between second and third base already."

“No. Really."

“Alright, man. If you want to stick with that story, be my guest," said Van, “but there's nothing wrong about lockin' lips with a female."

“As long as she has whiskers," said Roy.

“Damned right," asserted the feline, “and I'm no specist. I'd kiss Marcie out there in a heartbeat."

Alex walked into the room in time to hear Van's last comment. “Oh, hey! In that case, can I have Sheri?"

“You'd kiss a canine?" asked Mike, who had followed in on Alex's heels.

“You bet your ass!" said the donkey. “Just look at her. She is smoking hot! There's something about a redhead that…"

“Liver," said Roy.

“…huh? What?"

“Her fur color," said Roy. “It's liver-and-tan."

“That just sounds gross," said the donkey. “Look, if you want to call Belinda's fur liver-and-tan, be my guest. But to me, Sheri is a red-hot redhead and yeah, I'd kiss her any day of the week."

“So would I," chimed in Mike. The dromedary picked up a plate of his own and looked over the assortment of snacks spread across the dining room table.

“I'd do more than kiss her," said Van with a couple of pelvic thrusts to make his point clear.

“Eww," said Mike, “that's going just a little too far."

“Guys…" said Roy.

“Would you let her blow you?" Van asked the camel.

Mike speared a pair of cocktail wieners with a toothpick while he considered the question. “Yeah, I think so." He dropped the tiny sausages onto his plate.

“Fangs," the donkey interjected.

Mike snapped his fingers. “Yeah right," he said. “I forgot about those."

Roy tried again to derail the conversation, “Guys, you're talking about my girlfriend's cousin."

At that moment, Sheri and Marcie poked their heads around the corner.

“Hey boys," said the female G-Shep.

“Whatcha talking about?" asked the squirrel.

“Kissing," Mike blurted out.

“Oooooh!" said Sheri, her eyes wide.

“You know," suggested Marcie, “maybe this calls for a game of spin the bottle."

+

Back in the family room, the group found Belinda and Tanya sitting on the floor in front of the cabinet which housed the Foster family's video collection.

Roy leaned over to kiss the top of Belinda's head. “What are you girls up to?" he asked.

Belinda helped herself to a tortilla chip from the bowl her boyfriend was carrying. “We thought that we'd pick out a movie to watch," she replied before popping the chip into her mouth.

“How about Elf?" The Sphynx held up a DVD case.

“Christmas was over three weeks ago," Van pointed out. “No Christmas movies. I'm in the mood for some action tonight. Belinda, do your folks have Die Hard?"

Marcie piped up, “You just said no Christmas movies."

“Die Hard isn't a Christmas movie," insisted the cheetah. “The story just coincidentally takes place on Christmas Eve." Van looked to the other males for backup. “Am I right?"

“Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker." Mike offered the cheetah a fist bump which Van enthusiastically accepted.

“Oooh, how about Must Love Dogs?" suggested Sheri.

“Ugh," objected Alex, “please, not a rom-com."

“Then what about Reservoir Dogs?" said Roy.

“Dogs again!" Marcie groaned with exasperation. “You canines! And that one is way too violent."

“That has to be like the least violent Tarantino movie ever," argued Mike.

“Well, even the least violent Tarantino film is over-the-top in my opinion," said Belinda. “It's my family's video collection and so I have veto power. No Tarantino."

“Awww…" Roy slouched in defeat.

“Hey, look!" Alex said excitedly. He leaned over the girls and plucked a video from the shelf. “They have Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask. We should watch this!"

“Eeeeew," Tanya and Marcie chorused in unison.

“Yeah, I'm up for that," said Van. He patted the dromedary on his back, “and Mikey here might learn something."

“Guys, it's not a sex-ed movie," said Roy.

“Still educational," Alex asserted, “in a way."

Roy finished, “It's a Woody Allen comedy."

“How would you know?" asked the cheetah. “Did you and Belinda watch it together?"

Roy's ears drooped to half-mast.

“I thought so," said Van. “What did you learn, Roy?"

“He's telling the truth," said Belinda with annoyance directed at Van. “It's a comedy."

The donkey tapped a hoof-like fingernail on the DVD case. “It says 'Woody Allen' right here," said Alex.

“Look, we're getting nowhere choosing a movie," said Sheri. “Marcie had a better idea anyway." The other party guests all turned to look at the German Shepherd. “Spin the bottle."

“You weren't serious about that," Van said to Marcie, “were you?"

“Hey, it was you boys who were talking about kissing out there in the dining room," the squirrel said.

Tanya and Belinda giggled. “The boys were talking about kissing?" asked the Sphynx with disbelief.

“Yeah," said Sheri, “so here's our chance to teach them something. What do you say, girls?"

+

The party guests pushed the coffee table out of the way and rolled up the area rug in front of the sofa. The friends sat on the exposed hardwood floor, arranged in a circle that alternated boys and girls. On Roy's left, sat Belinda. Alex was next. Marcie, Mike, Sheri, Van, and Tanya completed the circle.

Van had offered to provide a bottle by drinking one of the beers in the refrigerator. Belinda informed the cheetah that one of the conditions her parents insisted upon was that there be no drinking of alcohol at the party. They found a beer bottle that had been emptied previously by Belinda's dad and fished it out of the trash. After a quick wash and dry, it was deemed acceptable by the game's participants.

The bottle lay on its side in the center of the circle.

“I've never played this before," said the camel. “What are the rules?"

“It's simple," said Marcie. “We all take turns spinning the bottle and the spinner has to kiss whomever the bottle points closest to when it stops." The squirrel gave the bottle a demonstration spin that ended with the bottle pointing directly back at herself. “Well, that doesn't count," said the bushy tailed rodent. “You can't kiss yourself."

“I bet our token donkey can," Van said with a laugh.

Roy shot a glance over at his friend. To the best of his knowledge, only he knew first-hand what Alex was capable of doing. But it was no secret that equines were well-endowed enough to engage in the type of 'kissing' that Van implied.

“It's also got to be someone of the opposite sex," said Tanya.

“That's a relief," said the cheetah. “I didn't want to have to kiss Mikey."

“Who goes first?" asked Roy.

“I think it should be our hostess," Mike suggested.

“The game was Marcie's idea, and she seems to be the expert," said Roy. “She should go first."

“You just don't want to see your girlfriend kissing anybody else first," said Van.

“Let's let the bottle decide," said Sheri, “and we'll go to the next person on the left after that." She reached for the bottle.

“Oh, and it has to make at least one full revolution," said Marcie, “otherwise you have to spin again." There was a murmur of assent from the rest of the participants.

“Okay, here goes," said Sheri with a vigorous spin of the bottle which came to rest pointing at Marcie.

The squirrel reached for the bottle and announced, “It's for real this time. No passing. No refusals. If you're in, you're in. This is your last chance." She paused for a moment. When no one made a move to leave the circle, she gave the bottle its first spin. The players all leaned forward as they waited for it to stop.

“Mike!" cheered the teens when bottle came to rest pointing at the dromedary. He leaned over to give Marcie, who sat beside him, a peck on the cheek.

“What was that?" Van protested. “This is a kissing game. How does that even count?"

“A kiss is a kiss," said Mike.

“Boooring!" Alex groaned.

“Mike, you're up," said Belinda. “And from now on, it has to be on the lips: House rules."

“Okay, okay. Next one is on the lips," said the camel as he reached for the bottle and gave it a spin. It slowed to a stop.

“Marcie, woo!" laughed Tanya. “Show him how it's done this time, girl!"

“Woooo!" echoed the rest of the friends as Marcie leaned over to plant one squarely on Mike's lips.

Sheri gave the next spin. All of the males, with the exception of Roy leaned forward in anticipation.

“This game is rigged!" moaned Van when the bottle once again pointed at Mike. “I demand a re-spin!"

“No re-spins," stated Belinda. “We agreed to that already."

“Did we?" Roy asked. “I don't remember discussing that rule."

“It's covered under the 'no refusal' rule," said Sheri. “Now come here, Mike and give me a big, juicy one."

Mike, who was getting the hang of this, happily complied with Sheri's demand. As he did so, the camel gave Van, who sat on the other side of Sheri, a big wink.

Van's spin landed directly on Mike.

“Haw!" laughed Alex. “Do it, Van!"

“I already said I wasn't kissing any dudes," said the cheetah with a sour tone in his voice, “but you're welcome to kiss him on my behalf, Alex."

“No, no," said Belinda, “we agreed it has to be somebody of the opposite sex. Re-spin." As they waited for the bottle to come to rest, the hostess said, “Jeeze! I didn't realize when we started that I'd need a referee's shirt and whistle."

Van drew Marcie for her third kiss of the evening. He lingered just a bit longer than her kiss with Mike and gave the camel a triumphant smile after it ended.

Tanya's spin pointed at Roy. The male German Shepherd turned and looked apologetically at Belinda. “It's okay," she said to her boyfriend. “I don't mind."

With that blessing, Roy turned to his right and pressed his muzzle to the feline's. Tanya's hairless skin was an almost charcoal grey under her chin and down her throat, but her pale cheeks turned crimson when her lips met Roy's.

“Awww!" Sheri and Marcie sang in unison.

Roy spun Belinda on his turn and was determined to let his girl know who was most important to him. Their kiss lasted longer than any of the others so far and the two dogs allowed their tongues to dance briefly across each other's lips. It wasn't until they heard a loud “Wooooo!" coming from the onlookers that the couple broke contact.

“Maybe we need to set some time limits," Alex suggested with a chuckle.

Belinda's spin drew Van. Their kiss only lasted until she felt the feline's rough tongue probe at her lips. She pushed away and shot a glance at the cheetah in a silent warning not to try that again. Roy, who'd kept his hand over his eyes throughout the kiss, didn't notice.

Alex spun Tanya and their kiss was as brief and friendly as the one the Sphynx shared earlier with Roy.

The game had come full circle. “What do you say?" asked Marcie, who was up next. “One more round?" There were no objections. Marcie was paired with Roy for her next kiss and then Mike spun Tanya.

When Sheri's spin pointed at Alex, she rose to her feet saying, “Sit tight. I'm coming over there." Sheri stepped across the circle to stand with her pelvis directly in front of the donkey's muzzle. The female canine's tail wagged, causing her hips to sway slowly and seductively. With a red-hot body not an inch from his nose, Alex's head spun faster than the beer bottle ever did during the game. Sheri slowly lowered herself until she was seated on the boy's lap. Their lips met and Sheri wrapped her arms around Alex's shoulders.

The other party guests sat silently while they watched this passionate spectacle unfold. Roy noticed that Alex's ears stood straight up once again. He didn't think anyone else caught it, but from where he sat, Roy clearly saw Sheri's hand brush over the prominent bulge in his friend's jeans when she finally rose off the equine's lap.

“Ho-leee fuck!" said Mike.

“Damn, girl!" said Marcie.

“Ho-leee FUCK!" Mike repeated.

“Alright, alright. Show's over," said Van. The cheetah reached for the bottle. “Let's move on." The cat's spin landed on the only other feline in the circle. He leaned to his left and gave Tanya a perfunctory kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, what the hell was that?" asked Mike.

“What?" asked Van.

“It's supposed to be on the lips," Mike reminded the cat.

“You got a freebie on your first spin," said Van. “I'm claiming mine now."

“No," said Belinda, “We agreed that from then on, only kisses on the lips counted."

“We didn't agree to that," argued the cheetah. “You made a unilateral decision."

“Nobody objected," Roy pointed out.

“Well, I'm objecting now," said Van. “Fair is fair."

“How is that fair to Tanya?" shouted Sheri.

Van turned to look at the Sphynx seated beside him and wordlessly folded his arms across his chest.

Tanya rose to her feet, her charcoal-hued lower lip trembling. She let loose with a roundhouse slap to Van's face. “Fucking jerk!" she screamed before bursting into tears and running from the room.

Belinda stood and, with a look of fury back at Van, chased after Tanya. The other girls quickly followed.

“Way to go, asshole!" Mike said to the cheetah. He followed after the females.

Roy and Alex glared at the feline. After a defiant moment, Van stood and walked out of the room. A few seconds later, the ears of the males who were left behind swiveled at the sound of the front door opening and closing.

Roy looked across the space where Belinda had been seated, to his best friend. Alex shrugged his shoulders and said simply, “Game over, man. Game over."

+

Alex pulled the car door shut. “Well, that sucked," the donkey said as he latched his seatbelt.

“Yeah," Roy sighed. He guided the car out of the driveway and in the direction of their own neighborhood. “Van told me earlier, when he and I were alone in the dining room, that he couldn't imagine kissing a cat with no whiskers,"

Alex was incredulous. “That's what this was all about? No whiskers?"

Roy nodded. “Uh-huh."

“Yet, he didn't have any problem kissing a rodent," Alex observed. “Damn, that's shallow."

“Yeah," the German Shepherd agreed. “Knowing that, I should have shut the game down after the first round. It was just a matter of time before chance paired those two up."

“It's not your fault, Roy," Alex insisted. “He had the opportunity to bow out when Marcie gave us the chance before the first spin. He could have just watched from up on the couch."

“I guess you're right," said Roy.

“Are you still going to room with him when you go to college in the fall?" the donkey asked.

Roy sighed again. “Yeah. I mean, he's still my friend. I'm not going to let this one mistake ruin that. Besides, we already submitted our housing requests. I don't think we can back out now."

“Okay."

“I just wish it was you going to UIC with me instead," said the canine. The conversation trailed off as the two friends considered being apart for the first time in 15 years. Roy finally broke the silence. “At least you got to kiss Sheri tonight," he said in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“Oh, hell yeah!" said Alex. “She…"

Roy drew the car to a stop in front of his friend's house. “She what?" he prompted.

“Uh, never mind." Alex unbuckled the seat belt and climbed out of the vehicle. “See you tomorrow?"

“Yeah, see you tomorrow," said the dog, “and hey, Alex?"

“Hmmm?"

“The word is legs," said Roy.

“Spread the word," the friends finished in unison.

Alex slammed the door and thumped on the roof of the car. Roy could see that his friend's ears were erect as the donkey trotted toward his front door.