“Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of the person and the right not to be deprived thereof except in accordance with the principles of fundamental justice.”

— Section 7, Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedom

Vancouver Island, Canada. 2005.

PART ONE: The Bestower

Chapter One — An Unbirthday Celebration

The sky was dimming. Robert Hidalgo leaned forward against the balcony railing, watching a station wagon rolling into the parking lot below. It pulled up between two cars. An adult kangaroo stepped out, looked up, and waved. Robert smiled and waved back. It was Gregory Duncan or Tito Greg, as he would call him. Greg proceeded to lock the car, he went over the trunk and hauled his backpack. He disappeared under the balcony into the apartment complex.

Tomorrow would be Greg’s thirty-sixth birthday. Robert didn’t have any plans to give him a gift this time. In a herbivore’s last year of their life, nobody gave gifts to those who were about to become bestowers. That wouldn’t be appropriate. They wouldn’t need those gifts when they had to undergo the bestowal process, much less after that. A simple greeting and feast would be enough, and that was what Robert and his mom, Natalie Hidalgo, planned for the evening. They were supposed to do it the next day, but Natalie had work. So it would be an advanced birthday celebration or “unbirthday celebration” as Natalie would like to call it.

Robert found it funny how a forest dog, like him, called his kangaroo neighbor his uncle, considering they were both very different species. It would make sense if he was a wallaby or wallaroo, since they both are close relatives of the kangaroo, but a dog? People would find that a little strange. But because Greg had been constant in both of Robert and Natalie’s lives, their differences didn’t matter.

“Robert, tara na,” his mother told him. She clamped her metal collar around her neck.

“Okay po, Ma,” Robert responded. He went inside the apartment towards the desk beside the door. On it was his collar. He unplugged it from charging and clamped it around his neck. The LED light turned on, radiating a jarring red color.

“I wish we didn’t have to wear these,” Robert said, itching the part of his neck under the collar.

“Eh, we have to,” his mother said, “it’s what keeps us from going feral.”

“Back in the Philippines we didn’t have to. All we had were muzzles.”

“And look at the high predation rates in the country,” she said, giving him a grimace.

“Fair enough.”

They faced their collars on the scanner beside the door. The scanner beeped and the little LED light blinked from red to orange and then red again. The door loosened. They went out and Natalie closed the door. She scanned her collar again and there was a clack which indicated that the door had been locked.

They went down the stairs and then through the hallway of the ground floor. Once they opened the main entrance, they were embraced by the cold air round them. Robert took a whiff of wet soil and grass that had been scorched under the summer sun all day long. Even though it was early June, Victoria was known for its constant rainfall all year round.

Puddles of water splashed beneath them as they walked through the dimly lit neighborhood of Burnside District. After about five or six minutes, they reached the slippery and glinting pavement of Burnside Road E. Across the road was Douglas Center, a small roadside shopping mall. The two dogs looked both ways, no cars, and then they crossed.

Douglas Center was a very convenient place to get their groceries. It saved them money from having to ride buses to get to bigger stores downtown. However, sometimes either Robert or Natalie went to the groceries downtown when commuting back from school or work. Robert missed his time back in the Philippines, where you could buy certain items just across the street. Some people over there set up makeshift mini-stores called “sari-sari” stores.

Entering the DUAA supermarket, Robert’s fur bristled as the chill of the store enveloped him. The metallic smell of meat from the coolers watered his mouth. His stomach grumbled. It has been years since he had tasted meat. But he had to control himself. Urges shouldn’t turn into sin.

“So, Roberto, what will your Uncle Greg like for dinner?”

Robert hummed as he searched for an answer. What does he want? Robert thought. “Remember when you made Lumpiang Togue for Christmas? He really loved that.”

“We don’t have lumpia wrappers and they don’t have it here,” Natalie said. “We have to go downtown for those. Maybe something else?”

Greg had always loved Spagbol, the one with texturized vegetable protein in it instead of meat. They had TVP back at the apartment. They use it as an alternative for meat, mammal meat that is. Robert and Natalie still consume fish meat. Their religion wasn’t that strict.

“We can do Spagbol,” said Robert, wagging his tail. “We need to buy more of those TVP though, plus the pasta.”

“Ayun! Pwede.” Natalie said, nodding in approval.

Robert pulled up a shopping basket as they went through the aisles until they reached the “pasta” section. They took a pack of noodles, some tomato sauce and went over to the baking aisle for the TVP.

After that was done, they went to buy the essentials and then pay. Before they knew it, they were walking back into the dimly lit neighborhood and back into the tiny apartment.

Natalie started chopping the mushrooms and heating the sauce in a pan, while Robert filled water in a pot to boil the noodles. It reminded him of the first time he made Spagbol. It was a cold August day after Robert had gone back from school. He was in Middle school at that time and Natalie wouldn’t be home until late in the evening, so he was in Greg’s apartment that time.

Young Robert, who was lying down, upside down, on Greg’s dusty couch, asked him what he was about to cook and Greg smiled and said, “Spagbol.”

“Ang weird naman yung name ng dish. Spagbol?”

“Heh, you think it’s a weird name?” Greg laughed, as he poured a pot with water. Although Greg wasn’t a Filipino, obviously, he could understand bits here and there. “I guess from a Pinoy’s perspective it does sound kinda strange, doesn’t it, eh?”

Robert nodded. He slid his body down to the dusty carpet and stood up. He brushed himself with his paws and tip-toed over boxes, dirty laundry, and other paraphernalia scattered on the floor towards the little kitchen area.

“Wanna learn how to make it?”

“Yes, yes, I can uh — ” Robert lifted his arm and did a sauteeing motion.

“The word for that is ‘cook’”

“Cook.” Robert laughed nervously. “Sorry I keep forget. My English is bad.”

“Nah, you just needed practice and more exposure.”

“Exposure?” Robert tilted his head and he looked down, watching Greg turn on the stove and put the pot of water on it. “My classmates, they make fun of my speaking. I miss my old classmates in Pinas. They don’t do that.”

“Eh, don’t mind those blokes, I bet if they speak Tagalog they’d be terrible at it.”

Robert laughed. “I get nosebleed if I think too hard, so I just go quiet. But if I’m too quiet, it’s hard to be friends with people.”

Greg stopped what he was doing and gave Robert a look of concern. “You had a nosebleed? When?” he said worriedly. “You got to have you checked up!”

“No, no, no. Not real nosebleed. It’s an, uh, what do you call it? In Tagalog it’s i-slang.”

The kangaroo's face lit up with clarity, his ears twitched. “Ohh, you mean ‘slang’.”

“Slang,” repeated Robert, taking a mental note to remember it. “Yeah, slang.”

Greg laughed nervously. “You made me nervous there, kid.”

Robert laughed.

Afterwards, Greg then taught him the recipe. Robert smiled at that memory. In some ways, Greg had been like a dad to him, even more so than his actual dad. He and Natalie owed Greg a lot during their first year in Canada. Not only was it hard for Natalie to find work as a caregiver, but Robert’s father, Jan Hidalgo, left them in favor of someone back in the Philippines. Robert’s mother was on the verge of deciding to go back to the country when Greg, and along with a few relatives in Canada helped support the two for a year until they were able to be self-sufficient. It was because of them that the dogs were able to make Canada work. If they both went back to the country like Natalie had considered, she might not be able to sustain the both of them. The pay there as a caregiver wouldn’t have been enough. Occupations such as nursing, teaching and social work weren’t well paid jobs in the country, unlike in Canada.

“Roberto, can you call Greg in for dinner?”

Robert by then had finished boiling the noodles. “Sure.”

The apartment complex wasn’t that big, so it wasn’t hard to navigate around it. Greg lived downstairs, alone. He used to live with his mom and dad back in their house near the sea, however they became bestowers when he turned eighteen. Having children postpones your bestowal for about twenty years. His father was the first to be bestowed, while his mother came in second. That left him and his two older siblings. His eldest sibling, his brother Duncan, sailed off to Vancouver to have a family of his own. His second eldest sibling, his sister Sheila, was bestowed.

Greg still had contact with his eldest sibling, but over the years, they had grown out of touch. Now, he lived alone. However, like Greg would always say, he had gotten used to it.

Robert knocked on his door. “Tito Greg?”

The door opened. The kangaroo’s head poked out of the door. His glasses reflected the lights on the hallway ceiling.

“Robert! It’s you. Is the sink leaking again?”

“Not yet. Anyways, that’s not what I’m here for. We cooked dinner for you upstairs.”

“Oh, you guys had?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh damn, that’s really sweet of you guys. Thank you so much. Hold on a sec. I’ll just put on some pants and then I’ll be right there.”

“Okay.”

“Sure,” Greg closed the door until Robert could only see his eye. “I’ll be right there.” Then he shut the door.

#

Robert and Natalie prepared the small dining area. They put out their best plates, the large bottle of Coke they saved from yesterday, and the whole pot of Spagbol in the midst.

There was knocking at the door.

“Robert, can you get the door?”

Robert got up from the couch and headed toward the door. He scanned his collar and the door loosened.

Greg pushed the door inward.

“Happy Unbirthday!” Robert and Natalie both greeted.

The kangaroo’s face lit up at what was set on the dining table as he closed the door. “Wow! Thank you guys so much.” He laughed. He sniffed. “Is that… Spagbol?”

“Yep!” said Robert.

Greg headed towards the chair and sat.

“We even got you carrot cake.” Natalie said. “For five years we thank you for the help you’ve given to both of us.”

Greg chuckled. “This is insane! You guys didn’t have to go this far. I'm just your typical downstairs neighbor.”

“Eesh, don’t say that,” said Natalie, waving her paw. “You’re part of the family!”

Or at least until he starts his duty as a bestower in a month, Robert thought. It’s a shame he would only have a year and a half to live. However, he wasn’t even guaranteed that he would survive the second, third, or even first stage of bestowal. Robert wished Greg would have more time. Once Greg applied for bestowal the next day, he’d go through the legal process of who’d handle his stuff once he’s gone. Pay his debts or whatever. There would also be his job resignation as a repairman. Then there would be visiting relatives too. When he does become a bestower, he’d be busy doing tests for each bestowal stage. Blood tests, urine tests, X-ray, etc. Then there are the recovery periods. He could probably visit Greg during those times, but Robert would be busy with college by then. Greg’s first recovery period would likely cover the months July up until October.

“Robert prepared a musical performance too,” Natalia said with a smile.

Robert frowned. “Ma!”

“It’s really good! I heard him practicing just last week.”

“Oh, that’s cool,” said Greg. “What are you going to play? Happy birthday?”

They all chuckled.

Robert shook his head. “Your favorite song.”

Greg raised his brow. “Through the Years?”

Robert nodded. “Yep. Hold on.” He rushed into his room and fetched the guitar that lay on his bed. He sat on the couch, resting the guitar with one knee. He set his paws on the strings. His left paw one the first chord of the song, his right paw fingers ready for plucking. He looked up to the two in front of them, who were both smiling at him. Natalie clasped her paws on her chest. Greg was grinning widely, his ears leaning forward to his direction.

Robert’s heart thumped inside his head. Although he had this musical talent of playing the guitar and had experience playing in front of an audience in school, he was still nervous.

He took a deep breath and plucked the intro. He hummed, his voice going up and down. Then he sang the first lines.

He saw Greg grinning wider, which made Robert grin, causing his voice to change into a lighthearted tone instead of a tired one.

Then he began to strum. He feels the music vibrating within him, making him roll out the words naturally. Adding emotion and stress to each word as needed. From time to time his voice cracked a bit and there would be times that he strung the wrong chord. His face got warmer and warmer until he strung the last chord. When Robert raised his head, Natalie was clapping and Greg was wiping his eyes, brushing away tears.

“Sorry, I got a bit emotional there,” said Greg. “It’s really good. Really good. Bravo!” He clapped.

“Thanks,” Robert said sheepishly. “Glad you liked it.” Robert hadn’t seen Greg emotional all that much in their years together. He had always been reserved. It’ll likely be his last time hearing this song.

Natalie got up to get the cake while Robert placed the guitar on the couch and went over to the dining table to sit. Natalie took a candle from a drawer and lit it up with a lighter. “Alright, make a wish Greg.”

Greg closed his eyes and mumbled and then blew the candle.

“Let’s eat!” Natalie said as she placed the cake on the table

Greg pulled his chair further into the table. “Thanks guys.” He raised from his seat and picked up the ladle in the pot of Spagbol. He asked for Natalie and Robert’s plate and served them before serving himself. Robert twisted the cap of the large bottle of coke and served their cups. Afterwards they dig in.

“I’ve been thinking,” Greg said. “I was wondering if I can take both of you guys in for a road trip across Vancouver Island. It’ll be a six-day trip with stops for site-seeing.”

Robert’s ears erected.

“That sounds wonderful, Greg.” said Natalie. “But I won’t be able to come. I have caregiving duty and one of my patients had just undergone their third stage of bestowal. But I’m sure Robert can come.”

“I guess it’s going to be you and me, kiddo,” said Greg. “What’cha think?”

“I think it’s fine, I guess,” Robert said, struggling not to wag his tail too hard.

“‘Fine’? You sure? Your tail says it’s more than fine.”

“Alright, I think it’s awesome. I’ve never been on a road trip before.”

“When is this road trip?” His mother said.

“The day after tomorrow. Tomorrow I have to go to BC Bestowal for my bestower application and then resign from my office. I also have to buy stuff for the trip.”

“Oh!” said Natalie. “Don’t forget the pictures. I got a camera right here somewhere. I’ll make a whole album of it.”

After dinner, they chatted about Natalie’s caregiving, Robert’s school year and Greg’s repairman business, basically catching up on with each other until curfew at 10pm. Robert couldn’t sleep that night. He imagined how the road trip would go and the fact that he would get to spend more time with the kangaroo… before he sacrifices himself for the world.

Chapter Two — Living in a Lonely World

It was the day after tomorrow. The sun wasn’t out yet, but he could see the silhouette of the drizzle enveloping the neighborhood through the streetlights that radiate the neighborhood. Yesterday, he packed all of his essentials: extra clothes, snacks, hygiene, first aid, and phone. Natalie had given her camera, which was a Canon Powershot A570.

“All set?” his mother told him while brushing her teeth by the sink.

Robert nodded. “Yes.”

“Good.” She spat and rinsed her muzzle. She tucked the toothbrush away and wiped her mouth with a small towel. She went over to Robert to embrace him. “Take care, okay?” She nuzzled Robert on the nose, while Robert did the same. They let go.

Robert looked at her eyes. “Yeah,” he said. “I will.”

Heading down the apartment stairs toward the parking lot, Greg was waiting beside the station wagon. Staring at the street before him, listening to his cassette tape. Arms folded and mumbling the lyrics of some pop song.

Robert walked up to him and that’s when he noticed him.

“Good morning, Robert,” he said.

“Good morning, Tito.”

He turned to open his trunk. “Put your things here.”

Robert shifted his bag and lifted it inside of the trunk. With it were Greg’s camping bags.

“Got everything you need?” Greg asked.

“Yeah.”

“Haven’t forgotten anything?”

Robert thought for a moment. “I don’t think so.”

“Alrigh, cause once were on the road, there’s no coming back.”

They got inside of the front seats, buckled their seatbelts. Raindrops splattered and tapped on the windshield. A short while later it became a downpour. He noticed the green light radiating in the paddles.

There was some green light radiating under the dashboard. He looked down. On Greg’s right ankle was a monitor bracelet.

“This?” Greg said, reaching towards his ankle. He tapped the small green light on the little box containing the GPS. “They decided to put monitor bracelets on the ankle now instead of the right wrist. It’s very difficult to remove them that way.”

Robert had heard of news of bestowers that had gone AWOL. Leaving their monitor bracelets behind.

“Alright, let’s go! First stop at the diner. Can’t ride with an empty stomach, can we?”

Robert just nodded.

#

The diner smelled like fried fish and sea water. The sun was rising, causing a golden gleam on the waves out in the window. Clouds of different shades of orange and red scuttled across the sky. A strong and cold wind blew through the open glass door of the diner.

Greg stood a few tables away by the cashier desk, talking to a heavy gray wolf.

Robert stretched his arms across the square table and yawned. He relaxed as he folded his arms and rested his head on it. He started humming that new song that was being played on the radio at one corner of the diner. It was on every radio recently. It came out last year, in November. It's the one by Rascal Flatts, the one about a God blessing the broken road.

Greg turned away from the counter and went back to sit with Robert. Robert stopped singing.

“So, where will we go first?” Robert asked.

“Strathcona Park Lodge. It’s about two hours away from here.”

“I see.”

“Ordered you fish n’ chips and apple juice.”

Robert nodded. “That’s fine by me. What did you order for yourself?”

“Salad with dressing and banana shake.”

Robert nodded and looked down at Greg’s monitor bracelet. He looked up at Greg’s face. Greg’s brow raised. “Hm?”

Robert shook his head. “Nothing.”

Robert was kinda lucky to have been born an omnivore. Bestowals weren’t forced upon them like herbivores were, but both omnivores and carnivores carry the burden of wearing collars at all times. Not to mention drinking those prey-drive suppression pills that more or less cause depression.

The counter bell rang and Robert got up to take the tray of food. As Robert served the dishes, a cluster of teenage students entered, all bringing pamphlets.

One of them, a raccoon, offered one of them to the wolf.

“Good morning,” said the raccoon. “My name’s Thomas, and this is Rue and Kathlyn, we’re a group of students fighting for Mammal Rights and we’re wondering if you’d be interested in joining our Peace Rally for Life later today at the Legislative Assembly.”

“We’ll be offering free and freshly cooked meals,” said another student, the labrador. “Consisted solely of a pescetarian diet.”

The wolf nodded as he opened the pamphlet, his eyes glossing over the text.

Robert was surprised by the calm manner of the wolf. Most of the time, restaurants would kick these kinds of people out, sometimes aggressively.

Although Robert and his mother don’t really eat meat and believed that the bestowal program was immoral, they didn’t go so far as to protest against the system.

He knew, and perhaps his mother knew, that there’s nothing one can do to change the system that’s been around for a few decades now and has been working pretty well. Although they appreciate such efforts.

After what seemed to be about fifteen minutes of talking, the group of students all thanked the wolf and headed their way out to the door.

One of them, a fox with nose piercings, looked at Robert, smiled and offered him a booklet. Robert gave her a polite smile and so did Greg.

“They’re very lucky,” said. “Usually they’d get kicked out before they were given a chance to go in.”

Robert wondered what Greg’s thoughts were about the bestowals.

“What do you think, Greg?” said Robert.

“Think about what?” replied Greg.

“About the bestowals?”

The kangaroo looked at the counter and squinted. Robert turned to see where he was looking. The wolf was ripping the pamphlet and threw the pieces of paper into the trashbin. The wolf then headed toward the kitchen, grunting.

Greg looked at Robert. “Maybe we should talk about it back in the car.”

Robert furrowed his brow and nodded. “Good idea.”

#

Back in the car, as Greg was driving.

“Hm. Bestowals…” Greg said, “I thought it made sense.”

“Made sense?”

“Yeah. Without it, the world would go out of balance.”

“Out of balance?”

Greg nodded. “You know how there was this population boom after the Age of the Horn and Fang? During the establishment of the Peace Covenant? This boom continued to grow until it got to the point that it started to affect the plant ecosystem. There were too many herbivore mouths to feed. Plus, with few people dying nowadays due to advances in medical technology, post-mortem bestowals were rare, which kinda caused a meat famine within the carnivore population.

“I don’t think these people understand how important this system is. We don’t want to go back to fighting again, do we? At least this system is much more humane than the natural order of things, right?”

Robert nodded. He saw the truth behind that kind of reasoning, but he couldn’t get rid of the notion that it’s immoral in his books. However, he couldn’t see a better alternative to the problem of overpopulation.

Sun beams shoot through the gaps of the cloudy sky as the car speeded up on the motorway. Greg turned on the radio. There was static until Greg twisted the knob to a late-night piano intro to a song. It was an 80s song. The song talked about, specifically, a lonely small-town girl and a city boy from South Detroit. Both of them take a train going wherever it is they’re going. Then the song takes up momentum with drums beat and strumming of the bass guitar.

As the song went on and on and on and on, Robert looked out to the window, as he watched as buildings and trees blur passed them. Although he was happy that he would have time to spend with Greg, he was worried that they’d have so much fun that time would fly by so quickly. That the whole road trip was like a blink of an eye.

It also bothered him that a kind person such as Greg had to give up his life. Greg had to be the exception of the rule. A kind person such as him doesn’t deserve to have his life cut short.

“You alright?” Greg asked. “You look… worried.”

Robert had noticed the tension on his forehead, realizing that he had been creasing his forehead the whole time.

Robert shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

Greg shrugged. “Okay.”

They passed by a set of tall white buildings, which Robert initially thought was a hospital until he read the sign that said. “Victoria National Bestowal Center”. By the entrance, there was a line of mammals. Some holding up signs, some holding up candles.

Robert turned to Greg to see his reaction, but he was stone-faced, focused on the road in front of him. After what seemed to be like twenty minutes, Greg spoke. “Hey Robert, you there?”

Robert’s ears twitched. He looked at Greg.

“You’re awfully quiet today.”

Robert didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t respond. He continued watching the trees, the occasional house or farm pass, the cars switching lanes, and feeling the rumble of the car.

“Congrats on your graduation by the way.” Greg took a quick glance at Robert and smiled.

Robert grinned. “Thanks.”

“What course will you take once you get into college?”

Robert was thinking of following his mother’s footsteps of becoming a caregiver for the old, the bed-ridden and children. He doesn’t want to become a caregiver for the bestowers. He felt that he was contributing to the unjust system that he and Natalie tried to avoid. Natalie thought of otherwise. “It wasn’t like we’re the ones performing the surgeries,” Natalie had told Robert. “Plus, the least we can do for these bestowers is to make their last year of their lives more comfortable than they are. We may not control their fates but we can control how they get out of this world.”

Why couldn’t Robert just avoid the jobs associated with bestowal caregivers, you might ask? Because part of the curriculum of becoming one was being trained in all aspects of caregiving. Including bestower caregiving.

However there was a job that Robert was interested in doing.

“Social work,” said Robert. “I want to become a social worker.”

“I see. Why a social worker?”

“I know it’s not the best paying job, but I always have a knack for counseling. Not to boast but some of my friends relied on me for counsel. I was their “therapy dog”. I don’t know, I just like the idea of helping people. There was a social worker who helped us get access to housing, essentials and all that stuff during our first year here in Victoria.”

The kangaroo nodded. “You’re just like my uncle. He was a social worker before he was bestowed. He was one of the best in the whole province. Because of that he was able to have his bestowal postponed for eighteen years.”

“Can people get their bestowal postponed for just that?”

“Well, it was provided only because he was working for the government.”

Robert nodded. “Can you get a postponement?”

Greg chuckled and shook his head. “Kid, I was a repairman. It’s not an important job, not even one bit. I’m more or less useless by the government. I’m also unemployed now. I resigned from my job just yesterday.”

Robert thought for a bit and said. “Is it possible for you to get a postponement through other means?”

“It’s possible. If I’m sick or injured, then I get my bestowal postponed until I’m better. Same if I’m exposed to substance abuse or smoking. But I’m a healthy guy, which means I’m more than qualified for bestowal.”

Robert nodded. He thought of asking Greg if he could catch a cold or break one of his bones, but of course that would be unethical.

#

There were more trees now than buildings. Out in the distance were the sunkissed mountains and hills, growing closer and closer each minute.

For the past two hours, Robert had slept, leaning his head against the window beside him.

The car slowed down as it eased into the side of the road, into a small trail that led to a gate made out of tree trunks. “Strathcona Park Lodge” was carved on the beam supported by the two pillars.

The car halted in one of the parking stalls.

“We’re here!” Greg said.

As they got out, the air had this musty and chlorine smell which was soothing to Robert. This place must be near a lake, he thought. The roar of passing cars echoed throughout the forest.

The pine branches rustled against the strong breeze, spraying tiny raindrops down to the ground. Greg and Rob pulled in their hoods, going up the wooden steps into the cabin.

Opening the door, warm air replaced the cold chill on their fur. A scrawny looking deer with glasses welcomed them at the counter. Greg moved towards him and checked in as Robert looked around the cabin.

Warm yellow lights bounce off the polished wooden walls of the cabin. On the windows, the lake can be seen reflecting the crooked mountains and cloudy sky above it. Squinting his eyes, he could see tiny dots which seemed to be people swimming and kayaking.

Robert quickly moved to the window. Down there, the lake had a small beach of brown sand. There were other cabins behind the pine trees.

“Robert,” Greg called. He signalled to him that it was time to go.

They followed the deer outside, through a trail that leads to another cabin. They went in and went to the top floor, in the attic. The deer gave them the keys and headed down stairs.

Greg unlocked the door to their room and pushed it inward. There were two beds. One large and one small.

“I’ll take the big one.” Greg said, going in.

Robert snickered. “Of course you do, you’re bigger than me.”

The kangaroo laughed. He sat down on the large bed as it squeaked. “I’m going to take a nap. You can go out and explore for a bit while I do.”

“No, I’d rather go with you,” said Robert, sitting down on his bed. He took off his shoes with his feet and laid down on the bed. He took

“Alright then, just wake me up when it’s time for lunch. The deer told me that lunch will be ready in an hour and a half.”

Robert hummed a yes. He stared at the ceiling. Today was their first day. Robert thought about what would happen when all of this was over and Greg was no longer part of his life. He imagined himself no longer visiting Greg’s apartment after school. His apartment would be empty and then filled with the things of somebody else.

Gone would be the days where they’d hang out and chill. Gone would be the days he’d wave at him during the evening on the balcony. Gone would be the days when they’d visit each other during holidays and spend time watching Christmas movies and cooking Noche Buena.

Robert shook his head from those thoughts when it started to pinch his heart so much that he had almost teared up. Greg, whose paws were behind his neck, on the bed, leaning against the wall, noticed this and said. “What’s wrong?”

Robert thought of saying “nothing” but he knows Greg won’t take that as an answer. It was that clear. Robert was upset and Greg saw how upset he was.

Robert raised from bed and sat instead. Hugging his knees close to his chest. He took a deep breath and blurted, “I just wondered…” There was tension in his forehead. He was speechless. Although it would be the truth, it was embarrassing to say it. He wondered how thick the walls were. Someone may be listening in. Robert shook his head. Nobody’s listening, they have their own lives to deal with. He took a deep breath and let it go. He looked at the kangaroo, he was looking at him, his brow furrowed with concern. “I just wondered what it’ll be like not having…” Robert’s chest tightened. It was as though his chest was locked in its place and he’d only be able to breathe again if he had released those words that he wanted to say. However, before Robert could even say it. Greg connected the dots. “Not having me around?” Greg said softly.

Robert nodded and breathed out, his eyes burning, but he inhaled again to try and hold it back. He clenched his paws and tried to look tough. “Don’t worry, I’ll get over this.”

Greg shook his head. “No, it’s okay kid. It’s not good to repress those emotions. Even if you do try to repress them, in one way or another they would just resurface.”

Robert nodded.

“And kid, even though I won’t be living for long, we still have six days worth of fun to spend. So let’s try to make the most of it, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Robert looked up to him and smiled.

Greg smiled. “That’s it. Smile! You should try smiling more, Rob. You always seem serious, even more serious than other kids I’ve met. Maybe if you smile more you’d probably win more girls.” Greg chuckled, and so did Robert.

“Heh, yeah,” Robert said. “Alright, I will.”

Then his vision started to blur with tears. It was hard to hold them back now. One more thing he’d miss about Greg would be his caring personality and how he was able to pick up the things that bother Robert. After he was gone, he’d no longer have that. Robert shook his head slightly. No. He had to be tough. He shouldn’t rely always on Greg for support. He had to be stronger, tougher, and more rational. Mind over heart. Tough as nails. Surviving in a cruel and lonely world.

“Want a hug?” said Greg

Robert suddenly felt self-conscious. He felt invisible cockroaches crawling on his fur. Or fleas itching him. He didn’t know why. Maybe it just felt childish to him to want a hug. However despite his revulsion of the offer, he nodded. Deep down, he wanted a hug. It may be his last hug to Greg. Plus it would be kinda rude to say no.

Robert shifted out of the bed and stood. Greg stood up as well and they reached out together and wrapped their arms around each other.

Robert felt warm. It brought him back to the time when he was still a kid. It was snowing at that time, at a relative’s house in Vancouver. His father, Jan, patted his head as he smiled weakly. “I’ll be going now,” Jan had told him in Tagalog. “Be good to your mother, okay?”

“Will you come back?” said young Robert, also in Tagalog, looking up to the rough-looking forest dog.

“I honestly don’t know, son.”

“Can you stay?” Robert looked back to Natalie. Who was on the verge of tears but faced as strong as a stone. “Mama, can Papa stay?”

Natalie gently shook his head. “He has somewhere he needs to go, bunso.”

The taxi in the front yard beeped. Jan growled, “Alright, alright! I’m coming!” He held Robert’s paws with his and smiled, his brown eyes looking deeply into Robert’s. He hugged him very tightly. Robert hugged back.

“Please, don’t go,” Robert said. “I’ll be good, I will do my homework, I will behave in school. Just please, don’t go!”

But Jan lets go of him. “I’m sorry.” He stood up and headed toward the taxi.

Robert rushed after him.

“Robert, no!” Natalie said, trying to grab Robert but he was too fast. He grabbed his father’s jacket sleeve and wrapped his arms around it. Jan shook him away. “Robert, stop.” He said sternly.

But he didn’t.

“Robert, don’t make me want to spank you.” Jan’s collar beeped.

“I don’t care!”

“Robert. It hurts!”

Robert hugged Jan’s arm tightly. Jan grabbed Robert’s arm. He grunted as he pulled his arm away and pushed him toward the icy ground. Just then, his collar beeped loudly and sparked, giving him an electric shock. “Bwisit!” Jan cursed through gritted teeth, his breath appearing in the cold air like the breath of a fire-breathing dragon.

Then, after that the memory was fuzzy. He remembered crying there in the snow and Natalie getting all angry, hitting Jan with a stick all the way to the taxi. Cursing him and shouting to never come back. That if ever he came back, he’d kill him.

Greg let go of Robert and suddenly the cold came back. Robert instinctively reached out to hug him again but controlled himself and prevented himself from doing so. It would seem weird. Childish. Annoying.

“Hm?” Greg said. “Want a hug again?”

Robert shook his head.

_Chapter Three — Charter of Rights and Freedoms _

Robert stood by the shore of the lake. Greg was a few yards away, submerged in the freezing cold water.

“C’mon Robert! Get in!” Greg’s voice jittered. He held both of his shoulders, body trembling.

Robert gave a grimacing smile.

As the kangaroo floated, he splashed Robert. Water stabbed his warm fur.

“Agh! Tito wag!” protested Robert, jumping back, shielding himself.

Greg laughed out loud.

“Alright, how about I do this!” Robert said as he kicked the water in Greg’s direction. Droplets shooted him right at the eyes. Robert did so again and again, laughing until Greg started to cough. “Stop! Stop!” Greg let out a half choking laugh.

Robert smirked at Greg as he squinted his eyes.

Robert squatted, his butt touching the heels of his feet.

“I can never do that,” said Greg. “What kind of squat is that again?”

“The Asian squat, sometimes it’s called the Filipino squat.”

Robert rested his bum on the sand and stretched his legs forward into the water. Feeling the cold water soak his fur. He leaned back, with his elbows on the ground supporting his body. He shifted more into the water, immersing his upper body, causing him to float. He took a deep breath.

He squinted as he looked up at the cloudy sky. “Hey tito?”

“Yeah?” Greg said.

“Do you believe that there’s a heaven?”

“Hmm. Maybe. I’m not so sure about it. I think it’s more likely that life just ends when we die.”

Robert wondered where Greg would end up after his bestowal. Heaven or hell? Maybe Purgatory? Greg wasn’t a believer, but neither was he a bad person, so it’s likely he’ll go there. He shivered at the thought. He didn’t like thinking of Greg being in purgatory. Him shouting in agony of the purifying flames for God knows how long. At least it would be better than hell, where, as it says in the holy scripture, where the fire does not go out and their “worms don’t die”, whatever that means.

Robert eventually swam further into the lake. He bobbed up and down the water.

“Reminds me of my baptism,” said Robert to Greg.

“Where were you baptized?” Greg responded.

“Back in my hometown. Lucena.”

“What church are you from again, I forgot? I know you guys are the only church that is against the bestowals.”

“It’s the Joshuans for the Second Advent.”

“I see. Why do you guys oppose the bestowals?”

Robert thought for a bit. “We don’t believe bestowals should be forced. It’s against our belief of free will. That every person has the right to make his or own decisions.”

Greg nodded. “You guys sound like the Symbites.”

“Yeah, we’re often compared a lot to Symbites. However, unlike them, we weren’t against meat. Just how it’s obtained.”

Greg nodded. “Interesting take. Most Joshuans don’t have a problem with bestowals, forced or not. They say it’s a ‘necessary’sacrifice which imitates the sacrificial death of Joshua Christ.”

Robert narrowed his eyes. “It’s a twisted version of sacrifice based on social conditioning and force, not faith and love.”

“Well, kid, it doesn’t matter what kind of theology people have as long as the system works.”

Robert’s ears dropped. His tail curled between his legs.

“Anyways, wanna go hiking later?”

His ears erected. “Totally.”

They swam towards the shore. They rise above the water. Robert felt the weight of his clothes weighing him down. They took a shower, changed up, and took a hike on a nearby hill.

#

“Next stop is Telegraph Cove,” Greg said the next day. They’re back on the road.

“Is that the fishing port? Are we going fishing?” Robert wagged his tail.

Greg’s ear twitched. He looked at him with a smile. “Yes.”

Robert grinned. He had never gone fishing before. “I noticed we don’t have rods. Where can we get some?”

“I have a friend who lives there. Lemu Espey. We can borrow some of his.”

Robert nodded. “Okay. Will we eat the fish?” Robert had known that people tend to let go of the fish after catching it. For Robert, it kinda defeats the purpose of fishing. In the Philippines, people fish to eat. Here in the West they treat it as a leisure activity.

Greg gave him a strange look. “I can’t eat fish, kid. I’m a herbie!”

Robert cupped his ears, his face warmed. “Oh right. Sorry.”

“But yes, we can cook the fish, you and Lemu will eat it.”

“Is he a carnie or an omnie?”

“An omnie. A raccoon. He loves fish. I think you guys will get along.”

Robert nodded as he looked on the road ahead of them.

The sky was clear, hardly any clouds in the sky, letting the sun’s light bathe the pines, bushes and birch with gold.

The car jostled as it hit a pothole.

The engine hummed. Greg sighed through his nose. The kangaroo leaned to the right, reaching out the glove compartment. He flipped it open and took out a CD, with “OPM” written with a marker. It was the CD Robert had given him a few years ago. Greg had listened to some OPM songs or Only Philippine Music on the speakers at Robert’s apartment. Natalie had at least three copies of the CDs.

Greg fed the CD into the player.

A soft plucking of a guitar filled the car. The intro lasted for about twenty seconds until a woman’s voice, strong yet soft-spoken, started singing through the speakers. Vibrating the dashboard. The soft plucking was replaced with the strumming of the guitar and beating of the drums.

The song talked about the singer’s plea to hold her lover’s hand. About how she hoped that his smile would reach the heavens and how she hoped that it could still be seen. She reassured her lover that she won’t force him to stay, but even with that, she will remain thinking about him.

“I always liked this song, even though it’s all gibberish to me,” Greg said. “There is this word that’s repeated a lot in the song. I think it’s ‘torete’. What does it mean?”

Robert scratched his head. “It’s complicated. There’s not a word for it in English. I think it means something like ‘head over heels’.”

“Ahh… I see. So it’s a love song?”

“Eh, kinda. It’s about one-sided love.”

The sound of the electric bass replaced the acoustic strumming. After about half a minute or so, cymbals clashed and drums beat with such energy that the singer sang the word “torete” over and over again. It was as if the singer was starting to go crazy for expressing her extreme infatuation to him.

In the last half of the song, Robert mumbled the lyrics as he remembered the time when he last sang this song. He sat outside the classroom, on the grey polished corridor floor of West One Elementary School. The dry season sun was shining through the third floor balcony. Robert strummed his secondhand guitar as he and a few of his classmates circling around him sang the song. One had a deep voice, one had a high voice, one was inexperienced in singing and one was a pro. It didn’t matter who sang or whether or not it was pleasing to the ear. What mattered was the camaraderie of everybody singing the same song.

Robert smiled at the memory. His life was loud back then, but now and here in Canada, it’s been quiet. If ever he’d try playing the guitar during recess or lunch and ask for a few classmates to join in, he’d be given strange and worried looks.

The song ended with an echo of the last strum of the bass guitar.

“I think there was a video of you playing it on some talent show at school,” said Greg. “Your mother showed it to me.”

Robert's ears flattened. Of course she showed it. “Which one?” Robert asked. There was this time when he played it, one at his current school and one in his old school back in the Philippines.

“From what I remember, you were sitting on a chair beside a civet on this makeshift stage in your classroom.”

“Oh that,” Robert remembered now. It was when he was Grade Five, just before he went to Canada. “That wasn’t a talent show.”

Greg’s ear twitched to his direction. His right brow raised in confusion. “What was it then?”

“It’s a music and dance performance for MAPEH.” He said the word like how you would say “map” but with the word “eh” afterwards.

“MAPEH?”

“Music, Arts, P.E., and Health,” He numbered them with his fingers. “It was our year-end project as a class. We were to mimic this Sunday variety show called ASAP.”

“ASAP, like ‘as soon as possible’?” He laughed.

Robert sneered at Greg.

“I’m joking!”

“I know. It’s just kinda lame, roo.”

“Don’t call me ‘roo’, dog,” Greg said sarcastically.

“Whatever, ‘roo’.”

Greg stuck out his tongue. So did Robert.

“Anyways, what does it stand for?”

Robert looked up, his eyes rolling as though the answer would appear in the air. “All-star Sunday Afternoon… Program? Oh no, it’s ‘Party’. Yeah I think it's ‘Party’. It’s been years since I’ve watched an episode of it.”

“Ahh, okay.” Greg said. “It’s interesting you guys have that as a school project.”

“Eh, it was harder work than the ones here. I was one of the leaders and some of the guys won’t cooperate. There were some arguments and a bit of fighting during our rehearsals.”

“Oh my.”

Robert nodded.

“But still even with that,” Greg continued. “It was quite creative of your teacher to have that as your school project. Unlike here where it’s rigid and boring.”

They passed a sign that said “Gold River”. Greg cursed as he pulled over to the side of the road and took out the map. He clicked his tongue in disapproval. “I took us on the wrong road.”

“Do we have to go back?”

“No, no, it’ll just take longer for us to get to Telegraph Cove.”

Robert looked at the fuel gauge, it was near empty. “Do you think we can go past a service station soon?”

“I think so. It says here on the map there’s a town. I’m sure they have a gas station. Fingers crossed.”

They drove for about a couple of minutes and they came across some houses.

There was a moose walking by the sidewalk, holding plastic bags of what seemed to be groceries.

Greg rolled down the side-windowed, bringing warm wind in. “Hey mate,” he said in his most Australian voice. “Do you know of a gas station nearby?”

“Yeah, just go straight towards an intersection and then drive left. From there you’d see a service station. You can’t miss it.”

“Alright, thanks mate.”

The moose gave him a polite smile as he went on his way.

Greg closed the windshield as he drove towards the intersection and turned to the road on the left. Like the moose had told him, there was the gas station and it was on a beautiful scene too. Behind the station, you could see the tall green mountains.

Greg went out to fill the car up with fuel and pay. As Robert waited inside. He remembered the booklet the fox had given him back in Victoria.

He got out of the car and headed toward the trunk. He turned to Greg who looked at him questioningly.

“Just gotta get something from the back,” Robert said.

Greg put out a thumbs up.

Robert’s ears flapped against the wind as he opened the trunk and unzipped his bag. Pulling out the floppy booklet. He shut the trunk and headed back into the front seat. He studied to cover. “Life for a Life?” was the title and it featured a growly faced goat in a hospital dress.

Robert opened the book. The first page featured an epigraph which said, “Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of the person and the right not to be deprived thereof except in accordance with the principles of fundamental justice.”

It was the old charter made by the Canadian government about rights and freedoms. It has been rewritten to fit with the bestowal program.

Greg went back into the car and drove off.

Interestingly enough Greg didn’t disturb Robert during the whole time Robert read the booklet. He didn’t even ask him about it.

Anyway, the pamphlet was well made and colorful. Filled with photos and illustrations. It wasn’t like other organizations passed out, like churches, with their greyscale and photocopied copies of the same material with hardly anything that’s eye catching.

There were different articles discussing different proposals for better and “life-friendly” alternatives that can meet the goals which the bestowal program plans to reach.

One thing has to do with the problem of overpopulation. One article proposed easy access and free birth control. It also talked about increasing adoption instead of reproduction.

There was also an article with regard to solving the problem of meat supply. It proposed going back to the old days of limiting bestowals to post-mortem and adopting the pescetarian/mediterranean diet that Symbites had done throughout the centuries. In the same article it mentioned about a research that was made in the early 2000s about the concept of lab grown meat. Meat grown from stem cells. The article predicted that, in the next decade, it could make the need for bestowals obsolete. That bestowers can instead donate the stem cells for production instead of offering up their whole body.

Other articles near the end featured non-meat recipes people can cook along with ways to help support the movement, which they referred to as the “Anti-Bestowal Campaign”.

On the back cover were group photos of people from all around the world. Each of them holding candles and wearing a badge containing a blue and pink ribbon.

Robert was impressed by the arguments raised. They seemed to be well thought through and rational. He was expecting something like an angry letter to the government, but it was an invitation to a world that could be the future if people would choose it.

However, even though the ideas of the booklet seem applicable, he doesn’t think people would accept it, at least not soon.

The bestowal system has been here for a few decades now. And the thought of the government changing into an entirely new system just as they are still adjusting to the current one would seem overwhelming for them.

For the common people, they’ll be even harder to convince. For carnies and omnies, telling them not to eat meat would be like telling someone that they cannot eat their favorite food anymore. Most wouldn’t change.

For herbivores, taking away the bestowals would mean taking away the sense of purpose.

He didn’t think this way because Robert didn’t want a world where nobody has to die. Certainly not. But he was just being realistic. It would be nice to live in that kind of world though.

He closed the book and looked at Greg.

Yeah, Robert thought. It would.

Chapter Four — Prayer for a Lifetime

“So Robert,” Greg said, after a while of just listening to the hum of the car speeding through the road. “What do you think of going to some falls for a bit today?”

“Sure.”

They came across a sign that indicated that there’s a hiking trail just on the left. They pulled over on the dirt patch and got out of the car. They dragged their camping bags out of the trunk and geared themselves up.

“So, we just have to follow the trail?” Robert asked Greg, scratching his nose.

“Yes,” Greg said, nodding. His ears swayed from the breeze. Greg walked towards the trail, which was very narrow, with some grass growing between dirt paths. “Gosh, it’s been a while since I’ve been here. The grass is already growing between trails.”

“Have you been here before?” Robert asked rhetorically. They trudge through the trail. Ferns, grass, and branches poke and tickle his face, arms and legs.

“Ahuh. I was with my spouse and my joey.”

Robert raised his brow. “You were married?”

“Hmm. Yeah.” Greg trailed off.

Robert wanted to ask more about his married life. However he didn’t want to pry. It was apparent that Greg didn’t want to talk about it. But Robert couldn’t help but wonder what ended his relationship with his spouse. He could’ve gotten the postponement if it weren’t for that.

Did they get a divorce? Then his wife took custody of his son? Was that what happened?

It was shocking. Robert had never seen photos of his spouse and kid, or him wearing a wedding ring or some kind of indicator that he got married. The idea of Greg being in love kinda seemed out of character for him. Considering he had always been a reserved guy.

Robert shook his head. The truth was that he was in love and he had a family and it didn’t work out.

Robert thought about his own family, how Natalie kicked Jan out. Could that be what happened? Did Greg make some grave mistake that made his wife not love him anymore? Robert shook his head again. No. He shouldn’t jump to conclusions like that. Robert grimaced as he saw how disgusting he was, trying to decipher what had happened. He should have minded his own business.

“Hopefully, we don’t get lost,” Greg said. He touched the ferns as he walked by.

“We can always flip over our shirts,” Robert joked.

Greg snickered. “How will that help?”

“It’s a Filipino superstition,” Robert said. “If you get lost, just flip your T-shirt and you’ll find your way back.”

“Huh. Interesting.”

A gust of warm air flew through the forest. Swishing the branches and leaves. Bits of dried leaves drifted down. The smell of soil and wood overwhelmed his nose. Occasionally he’d get a whiff of the kangaroos scent. Which faintly smelled of curry. Which made Robert’s stomach grumble and mouth water. Robert shook his head. Don’t let urges turn into sin.

“Hey Greg,” said Robert with concern. “You might wanna spray some activated charcoal once we get to the falls. ”

“Oh, thanks for catching that. I forgot to put it on after swimming. I’ll do it. Is it triggering you?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. Although it wasn’t a rule, it is common courtesy to wear some form of deodorant, Especially for herbivores. The smell can trigger a carnivore’s prey drive if not suppressed well enough.

Greg put down his bag and took out the spray bottle. He unzipped his jacket and sprayed as much of the chemical as possible.

Once he’s done, he put it back in his bag and geared his bag. “I’m sorry again, kiddo.”

“It’s no biggie,” Robert said.

They walked for what seemed to be like twenty minutes.

“How long is this trail?” Robert asked, his tongue sticking out.

“Not too long. I think we’re almost at the end of it.”

Robert shrugged. “Okay.”

After a few minutes. Breathing, there was a hint of water and moist rock in the air. Then there was the gurgle and crashing of water which grew louder and louder as they turned to a corner. Through the spaces between the leaves and the branches was a rocky and moist area. With water flowing down an inclined area. Looking to the left was a small waterfall.

“Get your camera,” Greg said, smiling at him.

Robert took off one of the straps and swung the bag to his front. He took out the camera. He pointed the camera at the falls and clicked. Greg got into view, smiled, making a peace sign with both his paws. Once that was caught, Greg offered to take Robert’s picture. Robert put down his bag, went in front of the camera and folded his arms while smiling.

Click. Greg lowered the camera and turned his back on Robert. Robert went closer to see the photos taken.

“Eh, a bit too bright,” said Greg. “Well, there is nothing we can do about it!” He pressed one of the arrows to look at pictures before that. However it showed pictures which dated back in December, when they were eating at a Finn’s Seafood during Christmas.

Greg looked at Robert, his brow furrowed with a grimace.

Robert gave him a strained smile, scratching the side of his chin, looking anywhere but Greg. “I might’ve forgotten to take photos…”

“Yari ka sa Mama mo,” Greg said. It was the Filipino phrase Natalie taught him years ago for when Robert did something mischievous.

“Your pronunciation is giving me a nosebleed.” Robert said, trying to change the subject. His face was hot.

Greg laughed. “I’m just teasing you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Don’t sweat it. We still have four and a half days to go. Wanna climb over the rocks?”

Robert nodded. He slung his backpack over his shoulders as they mounted the flat rocks. They held their arms out for balance, occasionally holding on to one another when one of them felt like they were slipping. Once they were on the top, they both sat on the edge of the small cliff, beside the water. The small waterfall overlooked the lake, passing a few tree trunks. Rays of sunlight fall through the holes in the cloudy sky. Leaving circles of sun across the water, mountains and hills.

He smiled widely. “Wow.” he whispered to himself. He closed his eyes and pointed his head upward. Feeling the sun warm his furry face.

The wind howled. The trees crackle from the wind. Water sloshes.

He took a deep breath of the moist surroundings. Trying to capture every moment with his senses. When his chest felt tension, asking for air, he exhaled and breathed normally again. He opened his eyes. The beautiful scenery appeared again. He wagged his tail softly.

“Hey kiddo,” Greg said.

“Hm?”

“I’ll miss you.”

Robert nodded. He wasn’t used to these kinds of sentiments anymore. He and Natalie showed their love through their actions more than words. But with Jan? They had used those affirmations of love. That’s one of the reasons why Robert avoided those words. It reminded him of his dad. However, as much as it would be a strain to say it, he told Greg, “I’ll miss you too.”

Greg patted his head and looked at the scenery in front of him. “Alright. Let’s head back.” Greg got up.

“Sure,” Robert said.

#

Back at the road, as Greg was driving. The kangaroo spoke. “Hey kid?”

Robert taking a nap, leaning against the corner between the window and the front seat. But he was half-awake. “Hm?”

“Can you promise me something?”

“What is it?” He lifted his body forward, opening his eyes. He looked at the kangaroo, Greg’s face was serious.

“Make the most of your life for me, okay? And do make wise decisions. I’ll not always be there to guide you, you know.”

That was a strange thing to say coming from Greg. He seemed worried. As if he regretted living his own life and that he wanted Robert not to regret his own. But Robert brushed that thought out and said, “Okay.”

“Promise me.”

“Yeah,” Robert yawned and stretched his arms. “I promise.”

“No, I mean, really promise. I’m serious.

Greg looked at him, his eyes staring deeply into his soul.

Robert felt intimidated, but gave him a firm nod. “I promise.”

“Good,” Greg said. “I just don’t want you to end up like me.” He mumbled the last few words out.

Robert wondered what aspects of Greg’s life Greg was regretting. He wanted to ask, but that might be too personal. Again, he didn’t want to pry.

He wondered instead of what it would be like if Greg had more time in the world. Being able to live beyond thirty-six of age.

“Greg?”

“Yeah?”

“If you’re given a chance to live, pass thirty-six. How would you spend it?”

Greg hummed as he thought about it. He gave a worried look. “To be honest, I’d rather not think about it, kid.”

“C’mon. Just as a thought experiment.”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it,” Greg snapped.

Robert’s eyes widened. “Oh.” Robert looked down to his knees. Feeling a pang of guilt on his chest. “Sorry.”

Greg sighed. “Sorry too. I just don’t like to think about things that will never happen.”

Robert nodded. He kept quiet for a while. Not knowing what to talk about. Even if there was something to talk about, it would be awkward. He could feel the tension in the air from Greg’s snap. It had been a while since Greg blew up like that.

The kangaroo seemed to notice how tense Robert was because he asked Robert if he wanted to listen to some music and do some jamming. Robert smiled at the idea. “Yeah, sure.” He said.

Greg turned on the radio and A Thousand Miles by Venessa Carlton was playing. He started singing the lyrics, horribly. With some voice cracks here and there. Tapping on the dashboard with his free hand as if playing a piano.

Robert laughed and did the same thing with both hands on the dashboard.

“We sound like drunk drivers!” said Robert.

Greg laughed. “Yeah.”

#

They arrived at 1pm at Telegraph Cove. The car glided into the little parking lot.

“I’ve heard it’s now the season for whale watching.” Greg said.

“Whales?” Robert said.

“Yep.”

They took the long walk to the village, on the boardwalks. Telegraph Cove was a small seaside village, so small that it didn’t look like a village at all. It consisted of a few wooden houses and buildings built on top of boardwalks.

“So, where will we be staying?”

“Up there.” Greg pointed toward a tall red wooden building on top of a short hill. “The lodge.”

After climbing up the stairs towards the lodge. They checked in and got a room on the top floor.

The room had two beds, a washroom and a living area.

“We could’ve got the cabins,” said Greg as he crashed on the bed. “But they get full during this time of the summer. There are docksuites but the view wouldn’t be great.”

Robert went to the window and opened the curtains. He squinted at the blinding sunlight and looked down and saw the whole village. Watching as people go about their day.

They both took a nap for the whole afternoon and then headed down to The Killer Whale Cafe for dinner, a long red wooden building on the edge of the boardwalk.

“So,” Robert said while waiting for their meal. “When are we going to meet your friend? What’s his name again?”

“Lemu,” said Greg. “We’ll be meeting him early tomorrow morning. He’s currently doing some business in Victoria.”

Robert nodded as he looked outside. The sky was violet, the surrounding forest pitch black. The pines look like arrows pointing toward the sky.

Another day had ended already. Robert sighed. The past two days felt like they had gone faster than he’d like.

He looked at the TV. It was on the news. It featured the Peace Rally for Life in front of the Legislative Assembly. There were a few people who went there holding up signs and candles.

There were clips of some heated tension that happened. One of the rally members got hurt from it.

After dinner, the protests from the TV stuck in his mind all night. He secretly hoped that they’d do something about the bestowals, which could help prolong Greg’s life. Of course, that thought was just wishful thinking. The days are getting shorter and Greg soon would be taken away. That’s why he was acting this way.

He silently prayed for a miracle to happen. But like most prayers, they seldom come true.

PART TWO: The Symbite

Chapter Five — To Him it is Sin

It was early morning, the sky was dull and blue as the sea. Robert stood on the dock—water lapped beneath the boards. A biting cold wind rushes through the cove, causing Robert to pull the hood of his waterproof jacket over his head. Where are they? Robert thought. He looked around for the roo and the raccoon. None. He watched as a fox and a hound boarded one of the kingfisher boats undulating from the waves. The engine roared, and the boat pulled off from the port and sped towards the sea.

The port smelled of sea life—more specifically, the metallic smell of blood and seaweed. People usually find the smell unbearable, but it’s a smell Robert found soothing. It reminded him of the wet market back in Lucena. Natalie would often bring him there to help out with carrying produce.

He could still remember the names of the fish they bought: Lawlaw, Kanuping, Galunggong, Bisugo, Lapu-Lapu, and those small fish that they made into patties called Dilis.

He missed eating those kinds of fish. Here in Canada, what was available were salmon, halibut, rockfish, and trout. He had to admit he loved eating those better than the ones back in the Philippines, but it would still be nice if he could eat the fish that he used to eat.

He could see something moving in his peripheral vision. Two figures appear from the corner of one of the houses on the boardwalk. It was Greg and Lemu. Greg was holding the rods in one hand while using his other hand to carry the Coleman box. The other side of the Coleman was carried by Lemu. He was more scrawny than he had expected him to be. He was the scrawniest raccoon he’d ever seen.

Greg laughed at something Lemu had said as they scurried down the steps and toward the port Robert was standing on.

“Lemu,” said Greg to Lemu as they both put down Coleman. “This is Robert. Robert, meet Lemu.” He gestured his hand toward Lemu.

Lemu reached out to Robert’s paw. Robert reached out, and they both shook. “Nice to meet you, Robert.” There was a hint of what smelled like tobacco from the raccoon’s breath.

Robert smiled. He perched his ears, causing the hood to fall from his head. “Nice to meet you, too.”

Robert noticed something glinting on Lemu’s chest. It was a round necklace the size of a large coin. It contained two fish swimming around the lettes “SYM” inscribed vertically.

“Like my necklace?” Lemu said with a toothy grin. “I got this from a steeple house in Victoria. Pretty cool, eh?”

Robert nodded.

“Robert’s a Joshuan,” said Greg. “The non-meat-eating type, that is. What’s your church called?” Greg turned to Robert.

“Joshuans for the Second Advent,” Robert answered.

The raccoon perched his ears. “Oh! An Adventist. That’s cool. I’m a Symbite. We also don’t eat meat.”

“He loves fish too, just like you do, Lem,” Greg said.

“It seems like we’ll probably get along, dog,” said Lemuel as he gave Robert a little punch on the shoulder. “As you probably have heard from my mucker here—” he wrapped his elbow around Greg’s neck “—we’re very, very close friends. We used to be classmates back in High School.”

Robert nodded. It appears they were.

“Alright,” said Lemu, putting his paws on his waist. “Let’s go fishing!”

Lemu boarded the boat and started the engine.

“Robert,” Greg said as he lifted the Coleman, “Can you help me, please?”

Robert rushed to carry the other side of the Coleman. Greg got in first, and then Robert. Robert almost slipped on the wet surface of the boat, but managed to support himself with the coaming of the boat.

“Careful, dog,” said Lemu.

A bit of sunlight peeked through the clouds, making the boat window glint with yellow.

Robert and Greg set down Coleman on the floor, and Greg dropped the rods on the floor beside his seat. Robert sat down.

Lemu eased the boat out of the cove and sped out into the Johnstone Strait. The boat jumped as it hit the waves. Cool air pierced Robert’s eyes and nose. All of their ears flapped in the wind. Bits of seawater sprayed into Robert’s face. He clutched the handles and got into the seat, making sure that he wouldn't fly and hit his butt and possibly get thrown off the boat.

Greg, who was lying back in his seat, laughed at Robert. “Hey, Lemu, look at Robert.”

Lemu looked back and then laughed too. “You’ll get used to it.”

Robert laughed nervously.

Once they were faraway from land, the boat slowed down until it stopped.

“Guys! Whale!” said Lemu as he pointed in the distance. A whale jumped from the ocean and splashed into the sea.

Robert opened his mouth and grinned. “Ha!”

The boat wobbled from side to side.

“Okay. Time to fish,” said Greg. He took out the two fishing rods from the floor and handed one of them to Robert.

Robert did things with his rod until he cast the line into the sea. He rested the rod inside a holder as he approached Robert.

“This is your bail, which controls the line.” He pointed to the roll of the fishing lines. “That’s the spool.” He pointed to a thin metal line across the bail. “This is where the line is stored. “Then this is the handle. You use it to retrieve your line, and finally, the drag adjustment right at the side of the bail. Got it?”

Robert nodded.

“Alright, this is how you cast a fishing rod. First, adjust the drag by turning the knob on top of the spool. Yeah, like that. It should be tight enough to fight a dish but loose enough to prevent the line from breaking. Hm. Not quite like that. Here, turn it a little bit, yeah, that’s it. Then, hold the rod with your dominant paw and use your idle finger. Then grab the line and pull it toward the rod, gripping it with your thumb on top, holding it tight.”

“Like this?” Robert asked.

“Yep. Now, with your other hand, open the bail. Bring the rod over your shoulder. Here, like this.” He took Robert’s rod and did a casting motion. “Now, you do it.”

Robert brought back the rod and cast the line into the sea.

“Not bad, dog!” said Lemu.

Robert laughed. “This is amazing.”

Just then, Greg’s rod bent.

Lemuel took a net and tossed it to Greg. Greg caught it and rolled the handle until the bait got closer and closer until the fish, a salmon, was brought out of the water, wriggling and gasping for air.

“A Chinook! Great catch.”

Water sprayed at them as Greg inserted the fish into the net. Lemu went in to take the bait of its mouth.

Greg took out the fish from the net and held its gills, dangling it. Lemu opened a box, took out a bat, and offered it to Greg.

“Here,” said Lemu.

Greg let go of the net and took the bat. He slammed the head of the fish, rendering it dead. “Robert, can you open the Coleman?”

Robert lifted the cover, and Greg laid the fish on top of ice cubes.

#

Robert sticks the knife into the belly of a dead Chub Mackarel on a cleaning station back in the cove. Blood spurted out as the knife penetrated and cut across the belly. With his gloved paw, he inserted his index finger and thumb inside the fish and took out the organs and set it aside in a small plastic bag.

“Where did you learn how to clean fish?” said Lemu as he was gutting the huge Chinook Greg caught.

“My mother taught me back when we were in the Philippines.”

“Oh, you’re from there?”

Robert nodded.

“Do you miss living there?”

“Sometimes,” Robert said. “But my mother said life here is better. As you know, back in my old country, it’s plagued with corruption.”

“I see,” Lemuel said. “I’ve heard bestowals are a lot worse over there.”

“Yeah. Lack of caregivers.”

“I’ve heard that plenty of bestowers die after their second stage of bestowal, sometimes even their first.”

Robert nodded.

“The beaches there are beautiful, though. Like Boracay? Have you been there before?”

Robert shook his head.

“Those white beaches look nothing like the beaches I see anywhere in Canada.”

Robert smiled and nodded. It seemed nice to him that, when people talk of the Philippines, they talk about the positive aspects of it rather than the negatives. It reminded Robert that life there wasn’t all that bad, like Natalie made it seem.

Robert took out the gills of the fish and rinsed it under the tap. He placed the clean fish on a plate and began cleaning another fish.

“So,” Lemu said. “You call Greg ‘uncle’, huh?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “It’s a cultural thing.”

“I figured.” Lemuel said, slicing the salmon in half skillfully like a pro. “You guys seemed pretty close.”

“Heh, yeah.”

“You reminded me about his son.”

Robert’s ears straightened. “His son?”

“You don’t know?”

“I know, but I never knew what he’s like.”

“Oh, I guess he never liked talking about him,” Lemu said it as if he were talking to himself, cause his eyes trailed off from Robert’s. Lemu nodded. “Yeah, he would not like talking about it.” Lemu shrugged and resumed chopping the salmon into smaller chunks.

Robert tilted his head. He wondered why Greg wouldn’t like to talk about it and what exactly in Robert did Lemu find in Greg’s son.

“As for what he was like—”

“Was? Did he—?”

“Yep, he’s with the Good Lord now.”

“Oh,” Robert’s tail curled on one leg and cupped his ears.

Before Robert could ask why, Lemu continued. “I don’t think you guys were alike; it was just the way Greg treated you, which made me remind me of his son.”

Greg was kinda like his dad, but in the end, he’s just his uncle. It seemed natural for Greg to treat him that way, though, to treat him like his son. Robert was younger than him.

They cleaned fish after fish until the Coleman contained nothing but ice cubes and bloody red water.

As they were cleaning the tiles and the remaining bits of entrails. Robert took a glance at the shiny necklace on Lemu’s chest. “What does the symbol mean? The fish circling those three letters?”

“Oh, these clownfish? They symbolize the concept of symbiosis, which is also what the three letters mean. Ever heard of it?”

“Yeah, it’s about how two different species decide to live with one another, right?”

“Correct. It’s our core belief. That’s why we are called Symbites. We are practitioners of the philosophy that we should live in harmony with one another, embracing our differences.”

Robert nodded. “That sounds like Joshuaism in a way.”

“Symbitism is actually one of the oldest religions in the world. It may be Joshua borrowed some of its teachings from there.”

Robert isn’t sure about that. He would like to think that Joshua’s teachings were independent. But it was interesting to think about nonetheless. “Are you a Symbite from birth or did you convert?”

“I was converted.”

“What was your original religion? Or did you have one?”

“I was born a Klalist Joshuan, eh, but I wasn’t a religious Klalist like my family was. I barely went to mass, prayed the rosary, and confessed. Hell, I wasn’t even confirmed.”

“What made you choose Symbitism?”

Lemu paused for a bit and thought. Leaning forward against the tiles, his paws supporting his body. “Greg. It was because of Greg.”

But Greg wasn’t even a Symbite, much less religious, thought Robert.

“Even though I wasn’t that religious, I believed the church’s doctrines about the bestowals. The bestowals were deemed as the ultimate expression of love and sacrifice. However, when Greg came along in my life, he changed my opinion about it.”

“How exactly?”

“Hm? Well… he was anti-bestowal.”

Robert’s eyes widened. Greg, the person who told him the whole system made sense a couple of days ago, was against the bestowal system?

“I guess that’s pretty shocking, eh? I bet you were asking why he changed. That’s the same question I’m asking myself. Ever since he had lost his wife and son, he had never been the same.

“Anyways, it was because of him that I changed my mind. He told me how he wanted to live a longer life. Past thirty-six. He wanted to have a family, achieve his dream of becoming a musician… He was so passionate. And I thought, would it really be so bad if he didn’t bestow?”

“How did your family react to your conversion?”

The raccoon laughed bitterly. “They were angry, alright! They even kicked me out. But I had made my choice. I wasn’t going to support a religion that brainwashes people to kill themselves.”

Robert shifted his feet at the description Lemu made of the bestowals.

“Was the decision difficult for you?”

“Of course it is, but you know what’s even more difficult?”

“What?”

“Not doing something about what you know is wrong.”

“To be honest. I don’t think there’s anything we can do about the bestowals.”

“There isn’t? Or is it because you’re not resolved enough to fight it?”

“I—I don’t know,” said Robert as he started to feel uncomfortable.

“Nothing will ever change if people don’t choose to act,” said Lemu. “It’s like what is said in your holy books. You know James 4:17? ‘Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.’”

Robert felt a sudden sharp tension in his chest. Even doing nothing is considered sinful?

“I guess so.”

“Know so.”

“I wish there was a way to prevent Greg’s bestowal, or maybe at least postponed.”

"Lemuel opened his mouth and then closed it. He opened his mouth and said. “There might be a way actually.”

Robert’s ears perched. “Really?” Robert wagged his tail.

Lemuel looked regretful. “I dunno. Maybe.”

Robert tilted his head. What did he meant by that?

“Anyways, let’s go to the BBQ. Greg’s probably started prepping by then.” Lemu took the Coleman. “You go ahead and bring the fish while I clean this sucker up.”

Robert nodded.

#

The BBQ was a small covered area with a few chairs and tables and, of course, a grill. It was next the Killer Whale Cafe. Greg was busy setting the fire while Lemu marinated the fish. Robert leaned by the pole, watching Lemu massaged the fish with his gloved paws.

“This is just like the gold old days, ain’t it Greg?” said Lemu.

“Yeah,” said Greg. Then they went on to talk about their old fishing experiences and camping trips.

Could it be that there was a way to save Greg? Robert thought. Apparently, the raccoon had an idea. He wondered if he was part of the Anti-Bestowal Campaign. Greg said that Lemu had “business” to do in Victoria. Was he part of the Peace Rally for Life? He’d have to investigate further after this.

“Hey Robert,” said Greg and then he looked at Lemu. “This kid’s good with the guitar.”

Lemu smiled. “Really?”

Robert’s brows raised. “What is it?”

“I was wondering if you and Lemu can play together later tonight at his house. He’s also good with the guitar.”

“Sure,” Robert said. “As long as I know the song. I don’t know how to improvise.”

“I can show you the song book,” says Lemu. “The chords are pretty simple, and I can teach you briefly the strumming technique used. Most of the songs I play are folk songs.”

“Good ole folk songs,” said Greg to Lemu. “Hey, remember when Jack was waltzing with Drake while singing Waltzing Matilda?”

Lemu laughed out loud. “Yeah, man. They were so drunk.”

Greg sung the chorus of Waltzing Matilda as he lifted his arms and twisted as if he was dancing with someone, imitating what their old friends did.

Lemuel wheezed a laugh. “Man, I sure do love playing that Aussie classic.”

Robert can only smile. He never knew who Drake or Jack was, but they seemed part of his peer group back then.

“Do you know what happened to the two of them, Greg? I’ve lost contact with them through the years. I never gave them my current address ever since I moved out of my parent’s house.”

“I think Drake gone through his first stage of bestowal this January. He had a bad first stage. Internal bleeding.”

Robert shivered at the mention of “internal bleeding”. He imagined intense pain inside your body as you cough up blood and not being able to physically do anything about it because it’s inside.

“Gosh. That poor guy.”

“He was breaking down the last time I talked to him on the phone. Telling me that he didn’t want to be a bestower anymore. Of course, I told him that it wasn’t possible, and it was his duty. A few days later, I received word from his caregiver that he had to be scheduled for a complete bestowal as he attempted to escape his center.”

Lemu’s ear perched. His eyes widdened. “Damn. A complete bestowal? Just for that?”

“Yeah, because of the increasing amount of AWOLs nowadays,” Greg said. Greg shrugged. “He should’ve listened. He could’ve lived longer.”

“How about Jack? How is he?” Lemu asked.

“He sold everything he had and is now travelling the world with Jessica. I think they’re in Scotland at the moment and will soon be going to Denmark.”

“Good for him.”

The charcoals in the grill were glowing orange now. Greg too the tongs and fetched the container of salmon chops. He picked a long one and rested it on the grill. Sizzling the sauce, creating this mouth watering aroma in the air.

“Mmmh,” Lemu said. “Smell’s tasty.”

“Robert,” Greg said. “We’ll be moving our things later this evening. We’re stay over at Lemu’s place.”

Robert nodded. Perfect. He’ll have plenty of time to discuss with Lemu. If he really does have a plan, he could be a part of it.

Chapter Six — Poor in Spirit

The moon was up and glowing as feathery clouds drifted in front of it. Greg, Robert, and Lemu hiked on the small road leading up to a small residential area on the outskirts of Telegraph Cove. They passed a few wooden houses, each painted a different color.

A gust of wind awakened the trees, causing their branches to snap and dance. Robert’s nose twitched as he had a whiff of something burning. Something he rarely smelled back in the city. Tobacco.

“Hey, Lem, welcome back!” called a doe who was leaning against a tool shed a few yards away. She puffed smoke from a cigar.

“Geraldine!” said Lemuel.

Robert’s eyes grew wide. Smoking’s not allowed for herbivores! She could get mandatory rehab and be sent to be bestowed much earlier on if she gets caught!

“How was the rally?” said Geraldine.

“It went well! We gained more members!” said Lemu.

So he did go to the rally, and he’s a part of it! Robert thought.

“How many?”

“About thirty. Twenty-three herbies and seven carnies or omnies.”

“Nice one, bud,” she said. “Care for a beer? Sigmund had brought a two-four with him. We’re gonna watch hockey tonight.”

“Not today, Geraldine,” said Lemu. “I have visitors.”

Geraldine gave him a thumbs-up. “Maybe they want some too?”

Greg raised his paw. “I’m good, mate.”

“Alright, but how about the dog there?”

Robert’s fur bristled, and his tail flicked.

Greg gave a sheepish grin. “He’s eighteen. He still has a year to go before he can drink.”

“Oh,” said Geraldine. “I guess I’ll just ask the other guys then. See ya later, Lem!” She raised both arms and cheered, “Dallas! Stars!”

“Dallas! Stars!” cheered Lemu. Then they continued walking. They reached a curve, which led to a cliff overlooking the dark ocean, reaching as far as their eyes could see.

Lemu’s house was small compared to other houses in the neighborhood. It was a cottage. There wasn’t any paint, and everything about it seemed handmade, but it had a certain charm to it. It was like going back in time during the time of the Gold Rush.

“Home sweet home,” said Lemu. He climbed up the porch and took out his key. He inserted it into the keyhole. He turned the knob. It won’t budge. He pushed himself against the door. Again and again and again until the door flung inward. The door hits the wall. “Oops.”

Lemu took an oil lamp from one desk and lit it up. Soft, warm light lit the cottage. They went in. The raccoon put the lamp near a wood-burning stove as he lit up some matches to get the fire started. “It isn’t much, but it is enough for me. Make yourself at home. There are some sleeping bags in the cabinet. My bedroom has some extra pillows and blankets in case you'd like any. Sorry if this place is a mess. I didn’t got time for cleaning when I came back from Victoria.”

“No worries, we can help clean,” Greg said.

Lemu’s ears flattened. His tail curled around his knee. “Oh, you guys don’t have to.”

“It’s fine. Robert, can you put the groceries in the pantry? I’ll pick up the stuff on the floor.”

The room became brighter and warmer as a reassuring fire burned in the heater.

“There,” Lemu said, smiling at the flame. He looked at Greg. “Hey Gregors, what do you want to name this fire?”

Greg chuckled as he picked up the books on the floor and set them on one corner. “Hm. ‘Independence’. Cause you’re one very independent bloke.”

Lemuel fed more kindling to the fire and shut the hatch. “Just in case I don’t accidentally ‘kill’ Independence.” He laughed. “C’mon, Independence!”

Robert put the cans, dried goods, and snacks into the pantry, and he noticed something odd. The food has expired by one month. “Uh, Lemu?”

“Yeah?” said Lemu.

“This food is… expired.”

“Oh. That’s okay, they can still be eaten even if they’re expired. As long as they taste and smell all right, they can be consumed. ‘Best by’ dates don’t say whether or not the food is spoiled.”

“Oh,” Robert said.

“Why didn’t you eat them before they expired?” Greg asked.

“I’ve just got them from Victoria,” said Lemu.

“You bought expired food?” Greg said, his ear twitched. He scratched his head.

“No!” Lemu said. “I bin-raided them. I can save money just doing that.”

“Isn’t that risky though?” said Greg. “I mean, you can get prosecuted.”

“It’s better than food getting wasted. Waste not, want not. Besides, I’ve done this a hundred times. I’m literally a professional.”

“I know you’re just making do with what you have, but just be careful Lemu,” Greg said quite seriously. “You’re already squatting in this place.”

“Don’t worry, this piece of land is technically from my neighbor, he lets me use it. So I’m not technically squatting. But sure, I will.”

Lemu lit up more oil lamps around the cottage. Soft warm hues radiate around the cottage. “I forgot to mention. If you guys need to use the bathroom, there’s a latrine outside, just at the back.”

“Robert,” Greg said. “Can you take out the extra pillows and blankets from Lemu’s room?”

Robert nodded. He went into Lemu’s room. Moonlight shone through the small window. Little dust particles float in the air. He looked around. Plastered on the walls were posters of the Anti-Bestowal Campaign. There were boxes of pamphlets lying on the bed. Sitting on one side of the room was a shelf full of books. The books were worn out and brown. Possibly donated to Lemu. Robert read the titles: What I Believe by Leo Tolstoy, Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens, Survivors by Zion Ben Jonah, Hatchet by Gary Paulsen…

“Want one?”

Robert jumped and turned to see Lemu, smiling.

“It’s okay, it’s been a while since I’ve read any of them anyway,” said Lemu

“I don’t know,” Robert said, “I’m not really much of a reader.”

“But you seemed interested.” Lemu took out a book from the shelf and gave it to him. The cover featured a young fox with a straw hat fishing on a makeshift raft in a large river. Standing next to him was a black Labrador retriever, rowing.

“The Adventures of Huckleberry Fox by Mark Twain. One of my favorite classics.”

“What’s it about?”

“Are you familiar with the time when wolves still enslaved dogs?”

“Yeah.”

“So yeah, that’s basically when the book was set,” said Lemu. “In the story, Huck fakes his own death to escape his abusive father. Jim ran away from his master, seeking freedom. Then they kinda bumped into one another and began this adventure down the Mississippi River. It’s a great book! I recommend that you read it. It has a good lesson in it.”

Robert’s ear twitched. Maybe he’ll look into it. The mention of an abusive father reminded Robert about Jan. Sometimes, Jan would get so angry that he’d spank Robert way more than he deserved. He would always apologise afterward, telling Robert how he didn’t know what got into him. Robert would always forgive him, as a gullible pup he was. So that aspect of the book appealed to him. Robert looked up at the raccoon and smiled. “Thanks, Lemu.”

“Anytime, dog,” Lemu placed his paw on Robert’s shoulder.

“Hey Lemu,” called Greg, “I think you killed Independence.”

“Oh man!” said Lemu, snapping his fingers. “I’ll get more kindling outside.” He stomped exaggeratedly on the way to the door.

Robert and Greg laughed.

#

Robert sat on the floor by the burner as he watched the kangaroo sleep on the floor. Watching his chest rising and falling. They’ve just finished doing a sing-along of some Canadian folk songs by the porch. The songs were easier to follow than Robert had thought, and playing them didn’t require as much practice either.

Lemu was still outside. The soft plucking of his guitar can be heard outside. Robert looked at the clock; it was almost midnight. Now was the time to ask Lemu regarding the plan to rescue Greg, if he ever had a plan.

Robert got up and quietly opened the door. Lemu sat on the porch. He stopped playing and looked back. “Oh, Robert. Can’t sleep?”

Robert nodded. His tail curled as he sat on the porch beside Lemu. “I need to ask you something.”

Lemu furrowed his brow. “What is it?”

Robert clenched his paws and took a deep breath. “You told me that there might be a way to save Greg. Is there?” He looked at the raccoon.

Lemuel sighed and muttered to himself, “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

“If there’s anything you need help with, I can help out. Just tell me the plan.”

Lemu sighed. He was silent for a bit, looking up at the stars that flicker in the night sky. A shooting star came into view for a few seconds and then disappeared. Lemu looked at Robert. “I can’t tell you, I’m sorry.”

“Why not?” Robert said, a bit irritated. His ears cupped. “You’re the one who told me that inaction is sin, and I’m here to change that. So why aren’t you letting me help?”

Lemuel put down his worn-out guitar. He took a pack of cigarettes out of his belt pouch and a lighter. “Care if I smoke?”

Robert shook his head. “Go ahead.”

He lights the cigar and puffs out a cloud. Robert leaned back to not get suffocated by the smell of tobacco.

“I tried to quit smoking.”

“Lemme guess, religious purposes?”

Lemuel shook his head as he inhaled the cigar. He exhaled through his nostrils. “There’s nothing in our teachings that says smoking cigars is a sin. But still, it isn’t good for your health either.”

Robert coughed as another cloud of smoke enveloped him. He then racked. Robert got up to get away from the smoke. Lemu cursed as he extinguished the cigar by rubbing it against the porch. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah,” Robert said between coughs. “I’m fine.”

“I didn’t know you were that sensitive to tobacco. You should’ve told me. Here, let me give you some water.” Lemu got up to get water inside. After a few moments, he came out with a bottle of water.

Lemu handed it over to him, and Robert drank. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

They both sat again, watching the stars glisten.

“It’s funny how a self-destructive invention like the cigarette became the symbol of rebellion and freedom within the Anti-Bestowal Campaign. I know herbies that smoke in secret, they do it not because they want to, but as a testimony to their refusal to participate in the bestowals.”

Robert nodded. He wondered if Geraldine, the doe from earlier, did that out of spite of the government rather than for her own pleasure.

“Anyways, going back to the topic we were discussing earlier. The reason I can’t tell you is that you might tell it to other people.”

“Look, we’re both Greg’s friends, right? And we know what’s best for him, right? Why can’t we both work together?”

“I’m not sure I’d trust someone who has a lukewarm attitude towards the system. Didn’t you say ‘there's nothing we can change about it?’”

Robert was getting frustrated; his eyes started burning. His vision blurred.

“I guess that’s true, but as I’ve said, I want to change,” Robert squirmed. “I don’t want to lose Greg.”

Lemu gave him a sympathetic look. “He really meant you that much?”

“Yeah,” Robert said as he wiped his tears. “To be honest, I didn’t call him ‘uncle’ out of cultural obligation; he was like family to me… Well, he is family. He was almost like—,” Robert stopped as he realised the word he was about to use. There was tension in his forehead as he thought about whether or not to say it. But Lemu finished his sentence by saying, “Dad?”

Robert raised his eyes in surprise. Was Robert really that predictable? “Yeah…”

Lemu was deep in thought. He leaned forward and got up. He stumbled to the road and looked around him, as if to see if there was anyone looking. He returned and leaned forward near Robert’s ear. “Let’s go fishing.”

Robert tilted his head. “What?”

“Just do as I say. I’ll tell you the plan, I think I need another person to execute it, but you might not like it, and it might cost everything we have.”

Robert’s fur bristled. Suddenly, he felt even colder, but Robert nodded. “Sure.”

#

The sea was icy cold, and fog was around them. There was no light besides the green light of the marine radar. Lemu stopped the boat, took out a flashlight, and turned it on. Lemu sat on the seat across from Robert and looked him in the eyes.

“Do you own this boat?” Robert asked.

“Nope, this boat is Sigmund’s, a friend. He lets me use it to fish sometimes. Anyways, before I tell you the plan, I want to let you know about the repercussions first and see if you’re willing to move with this plan. If not, I won’t tell it.”

Robert furrowed his brow and nodded. He leaned forward to better hear Lemu from the sound of the crashing of waves.

“Like I’ve told you earlier, it will cost you and me everything. Are you prepared for that? And when I say everything, I do mean everything. It will cost us our reputation, your education, our ability to find jobs, our families, it could get us to jail, and it could even get you deported back to the Philippines and banned from entering Canada ever again.”

There was a kind of chill in his chest at the mention of getting deported back to the Philippines. The life that he and Natalie built here in Canada would crumble if he went with that plan. And life in the Philippines would mean living in poverty, especially if going for that plan would affect him and his mother’s ability to find jobs. However, if he didn’t participate in that plan, Greg would be killed.

“I’ll give you until dawn to think about it,” Lemu said. “Greg’s first bestowal schedule is still in July, and there are some things I need to organize first.”

Robert gulped. “What time is it?”

Lemu looked at his watch. “It’s only 12:34. You still have six hours to think it through.”

Robert went back and forth about whether to get on the plan or not, while Lemu was casting his rod, fishing in the dark. About an hour has passed, and he still feels stuck. He scratches his head in frustration. How can this raccoon make such a bold choice while Robert keeps standing in the fence, indecisive?

There was a frown on the raccoon’s face as he looked at him. He wound up the line and tucked his rod away. He treaded lightly toward the wheel. The engine roared, and the speed picked up.

Minutes later, over there, at the shore, Robert could see something glowing. Something he had never seen before. He rubbed his eyes to see if he was just hallucinating, but he was not. The closer they got to the shore, the more real it seemed it was. He could help but wag his tail and smile. He looked at Lemu, who had a toothy grin on his face.

“What… is this?” Robert said, his eyes looking deeply at the different shades of blue and green. Every time a strong wave passes by, the glow gets brighter. And as it washed on the shore, there were small beads of light that spread across the sand.

“Bioluminescence,” Lemu said. “It’s caused by little organisms that produce light. Beautiful, eh?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s one of God’s creations I admire. It’s one of those reminders just how much we’re wonderfully and fearfully made. That no matter what happens, we’ll be taken care of, always.”

Robert thought about his fear of poverty and Lemu’s apparent indifference to his own abject poverty: squatting in a cottage, relying on donations, surviving on throwouts, and living as an enemy of the state. “Is that the reason you don’t seem to be scared of anything?”

Lemu laughed. “Dog, do you think I’m some saint? Cause I’m not. I get scared. All the time. What I meant when I said we’ll always be taken care of by God is that, no matter what happens, our souls will be kept safe, and not even a cruel death can take that away. And having that it mind kinda helps me get through anything hard.”

“Our souls?”

“Yes, as long as we strive to be on the right, our souls will never perish. Our body, yes, maybe, but at least we didn’t forsook our ideals by compromising with our selfish desires.”

Robert watched the glowing waves crashing on the shore. Looking back, he had realized how selfish he had been to be concerned about Natalie and his own welfare rather than Greg’s own survival. This is Greg’s life he’s talking about. The consequences of Greg getting bestowed are much heavier than his and Natalie’s potential poverty.

He realised then that he had made his own choice.

“I think I’ll go with the plan,” Robert said. He looked at the raccoon.

“You sure?” Lemu asked.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Robert could feel some kind of energy running through him. Was it adrenaline? Maybe.

“Because there won’t be going back,” said Lemu.

“I said I’m sure.”

“Well then.” Lemu reached out his paw and shook his hand. “I’ll now tell you about the plan.”

Chapter Seven — The Kangaroo and the Dog

Lemu laid a map of Canada on the dashboard as Robert held the flashlight, pointing its light on top of it.

“Be sure not to tell this to anyone,” said Lemu.

Robert gave him a firm nod. “Got it.”

“There is some kind of underground network. Network of houses, truckers, planes and sailors around Canada that send herbivores to isolated parts of Northern Canada.”

Lemu pointed to the large groups of islands on top of the map.

“From what I’ve heard, there are these little communities scattered throughout this area. Supporters from the Anti-Bestowal Campaign, religious groups, and local villages would provide them food, clothing, and materials. However even with that, the herbies had to ration their supplies. The climate is harsh over there, there is barely enough greenery for them to eat. However I’ve heard that herbies got used to it after a few weeks and didn’t mind so long as they had something to be preoccupied with.”

“Like what?” Robert asked.

“From what I’ve heard, one of the main jobs the herbies had was pisciculture. There’s also a small population of carnies living alongside the herbies. I’ve heard they don’t even have collars on! Much less access to prey-drive suppressive pills. There are muzzles, but that’s just about it.”

Robert widened his eyes. “Really? Is there any risk of predation?”

Lemu nodded. “There is, but there are programs that actively teach carnies to control their urges. The wilderness is the only place where you can live freely without those damn shock-collars. I personally don’t believe prey drive should be an excuse to torture individuals into submission and the prey-drive suppression pills isn’t really that good for our health.”

Robert agreed with that. He had suffered from liver problems from drinking those pills. He had to be prescribed a different pill in order to fix that, but that cause him to have occasional seizures.

“Anyways, I know of a guy that could help us. His name is Chris Penfold. Not his real name though. He owns a truck and he’s one of the most reliable smugglers out there. Which is expected of a fox, especially of his age.” Lemu folded the map and slid it inside a shelf. “I don’t know when the schedule is yet, he had to update his driver’s license because his current one’s expired. But he let me know that he’ll do that as soon as possible, possibly around this week.”

“How about the monitor bracelets? How can we take that off without alarming the authorities?”

“Reynard said he can take care of that. He uses a device for that.”

“So, where do I fit into the picture?”

Lemu put his paw on Robert’s shoulder. “You have to convince him.”

Me? Convince Greg? Robert tilted his head. Lemu turned his back on him and sat on the seat, looking out into the dark horizon. “I tried convincing Greg once back in November. I told him the plan and he refused. He told me that he didn’t want to cause trouble for me. I told him again and again that I didn’t care if I get caught or sent to jail. But he still refused, saying that he accepted his fate. I thought he’d listen to me. We had been friends for many years. I care about him a lot.” Lemu looked back to Robert. “You seem to be the closest to him. A lot more so than me. Maybe, he will listen to you. You are his closest thing to a son after all.”

Robert isn’t sure about being able to convince Greg. He knew Greg well and he was dead set with bestowing… But that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t give it a shot or try his best. “What if it doesn’t work out?”

“We’ll kidnap him!” Lemu said.

“What?”

Lemu laughed. “Just kidding. It’ll work out, I’ll make sure that it does.”

Robert smiled.

“You don’t have to convince him right away. I still have to wait for Reynard’s notification. But it would be ideal to tell him before your road trip ends. You’re going to the northernmost tip of the island right?”

Robert nodded.

“I think that’s the point you can convince Greg, which is perfect because it’ll just be the two of you. Also, if he agrees and Reynard arrives, we can escort him to the truck. As soon as we’re done with that, we’ll go home or lest we get caught. Got it?”

Robert nodded.

“Alrighty, let’s go back. We wouldn’t want to frighten Greg with our absence, would we?”

Lemu got up and headed toward the dashboard. The engine started as the boat sped back towards the cove.

#

That morning, Robert, Greg, and Lemu were gathered into the parking lot. Their eyes squinted as the early morning sun shone at them.

“Thank you for the time, Lemu,” said Greg. Greg reached out and embraced Lemu as Lemu hugged back, squeezing him. They let go. Greg got inside the station wagon.

Lemu looked at Robert and nodded. Robert nodded back. Lemu reached out his paw and shook hands with Robert. Leaning forward, Lemu whispered, “I’m relying on you, dog.”

The raccoon slid his paw away, leaving a small paper.

“My number,” Lemu said. “Let me know how it goes.”

“Thank you,” Robert said.

Lemu patted his head. Robert got into the front seat as they drove away.

“What’cha got there, kid?” said Greg.

“Lemu’s phone number,” replied Robert.

“It seems you guys are friends now.”

Robert nodded. “Yeah.”

“How did fishing at night go? Lemu told me you guys were able to see some ‘living lights’.”

“It was good,” Robert said. “We just talked about life and stuff.”

“Cool. He’s a great friend, isn’t he?”

Robert nodded.

After almost twenty minutes of passing through evergreen, they arrived at a town called Port McNeill. They parked the station wagon at the terminal parking lot. Stepping out of the car, the breeze smelled of sea and grass.

“It seems like we missed the ferry,” Greg said as he pointed toward the empty dock. “Let’s pay for parking and then buy tickets. That way we don’t have to wait in line.”

Robert nodded.

They walked to the toll gate and bought ferry tickets. They went back to the station wagon and waited there. Greg was eating dunkaroos while Robert ate a can of sardines. Afterward, he was reading the book Lemu gave him, The Adventures of Huckleberry Fox.

Robert found out while reading that this book was a sequel to the novel The Adventures of Tom Yote. But he imagined that he didn’t have to know the story of what happened in that book in order to read the one by Huck Fox, because Huck himself summarized it. They beat this guy named Injun Joe and gained a lot of treasure.

He thought Huck was an interesting character. It reminded him of Lemu a lot. Asides the fact that they both smoked and had a thing for fishing, they were both practical, independent and outcasts of society.

About an hour later.

“What’cha reading there?” said Greg.

“Just something Lemu gave me.”

“Is it a story?”

Robert nodded.

Greg bent lower to see the cover.

“I see. Huckleberry Fox. A classic. Is it a story about two characters escaping on a raft, right?”

“Yep!”

“I see.” Greg wiped his paws with some hygiene wipes and crumpled the empty dried dunkaroos wrapper and tucked it into his bag. “Did Lemu ever say anything… suspicious to you?”

Robert’s heart beat louder. He felt a sudden chill in his body. But he took a deep breath and said as confidently as he could, “What do you mean?”

“Lemu’s a good guy, but he can say some pretty dangerous things about the government sometimes, which could get him in trouble. He’s not, like, trying to make you join the Anti-Bestowal Campaign or the Symbites, is he?”

Robert’s heart pounded. “Uh, no?”

Greg nodded. “Good. I don’t want you to get in trouble. I didn’t like what happened to protesters during the rally back in Vic. You have a whole future ahead of you and I don’t want that to be compromised. Got it, kid?”

Robert furrowed his brow and clenched his paws but calmed himself. He doesn’t like being lectured like that, but he tried to remind himself that Greg was only worried.

“Yes, I got it.”

“Good.”

About an hour and a half later, there was a line of cars on the docks now as they waited their turn for the ferry. Robert and Greg walked to the ferry and gave their tickets to the terminal staff and sat at the passenger area. It took about thirty minutes for the whole ferry to drift off.

Robert continued reading Huckleberry Fox while Greg went to the washroom. He was at the part where Huck found his father in his room when the phone in his pocket vibrated and rang. Robert flipped the phone open and pressed the call button and stuck it in his ear.

“Hello? Ma?”

“Hi Robert, kumusta ka na?”

“Okay I’m doing okay. We’re on a ferry to Alert Bay. How are you?”

“I’m doing fine, just exhausted. My bestower passed away this, morning. She had been experiencing complications during the past few days, that’s why I wasn’t able to call you.” Natalie’s voice quivered. She sniffed. “Sorry, it’s hard when you can’t always keep your patients alive until the last stage.”

Robert didn’t know what to say. So he stayed silent.

“Anyway, I’m glad you’re doing fine. Tell Greg that I have been calling him, his phone maybe on silent, I have something important to tell him.”

“Sure, I’ll let him know.”

“Salamat, Robert. Anyway, I should go now, my break will be over in five minutes. Ingat ka, ha.”

“Yeah, ingat ka rin.”

The the phone hung up.

The door slid open, Greg came back with drinks and biscuits. He laid them on the table. “Here, bought some cookies. It’ll be an hour before we get to Alert Bay.”

“Ma called. She said she was calling you.”

“Doh. Have I had my phone on silent?” He reached out his back pack and took out of his phone. “Gosh three missed calls! I’ll be right back.” Greg dashed out of the room.

Robert wondered what “important” stuff Natalie was going to tell Greg. Perhaps related to his bestowal? He doesn’t know.

A few minutes later Greg came back, with a relaxed gait.

“What was that about?”

“Hm? Oh, it’s just my bestowal schedule. It’s scheduled this Saturday. June eighte—”

“Saturday?!” Robert blurted.

People around him looked at him.

Greg gave him a strange look. “Yeah… Saturday.”

“Don’t you have like… things to do? Visiting relatives? Decluttering your apartment?”

“Eh, I don’t think my relatives care much about me and I’ve decluttered most of my stuff in my apartment already. That’s why I didn’t let you in.”

Oh shoot, thought Robert. He covered his muzzle and looked outside.

Greg patted Robert’s head. “It’s okay, kiddo. You can still visit me during my recovery periods.”

That’s if you survive the first stage, Greg! Robert can feel his eyes burning. But he took a deep breath. “I’m just gonna go to the deck.”

Greg furrowed his brow and frowned. He opened his mouth and shut it. He nodded.

Robert made his way out of the room and on to the deck. The wind pushed against his body, feeling its force taking him. He sat down at one of the seats and took out his phone and Lemu’s number. He dialed the phone number and it rang.

Robert squinted at the sky. It was a bit hot.

After about a minute, the phone stopped ringing. Lemu didn’t pick up the phone.

Robert tried calling the second time, but still, Lemu didn’t pick up the phone. So he tucked his phone back into his pocket and looked at the distant islands on the horizon.

Once he got tired of it, he went back to the passengers area.

#

Robert and Greg were walking out of the ferry and into the dock leading to the main street of Alert Bay, a small village on Cormorant Island. “Home of the Killer Whale” was painted on an intricately designed killer whale sign that hung above a horizontal beam supported by two other vertical beams.

“What do you think of going around the whole Island?” said Greg “It’s only 12:45 and check in time’s in two. We can check in earlier but it requires extra fees.”

“I’m fine with it.”

They turned to the left and followed a sidewalk, which was a half board walk.

Looking around the wooden houses, the deck and the sea, Robert was reminded of Telegraph Cove. What made it different though was there were the totem poles scattered around the island.

They spent the hour appreciating the First Nations art as they read the historical signs that tell its history. The whole village has a deep history with fishing. It was originally a seasonal fishing and burial site before it became a permanent hub.

“How the hell did they build that?” said Robert as he looked up to the tip of a very tall totem poll. It said on the sign that it was the world’s tallest totem pole.

“I don’t know, but it’s pretty cool.”

Robert took a picture of it and they continued on the road, downhill, leading to a small cluster of houses. Strong wind blew, causing the hems of their clothes to snap. Clouds gathered, blocking much of the sun’s light. They walked in silence. Robert took everything in. The tree snapping, the smell of soil and leaves, the cold wind.

They reached a small pier and a light rain began to fall. Robert pulled in his hood while Greg didn’t. They both leaned forward on the railing, gazing at the mountains on mainland Canada.

He imagined himself flying across the ocean towards the other side. If he had supersonic speed, he’d go to the east coast of Canada. He would continue to fly until he reached Europe, then Asia, then go south back in the Philippines. Back in Lucena. A small old world of his lost childhood. In fact, it felt like a different dimension altogether.

“My son and I had been to this exact spot,” Greg said as he looked at him and smiled. He patted Robert’s head. Robert’s tail wagged.

“You guys had?” Robert responded.

“Ahuh… his name’s Kip. He’s a great kid.”

“What’s he like?”

“Kip’s an active kid. He loves playing ice hockey, one of the best in his team. He’s also a great artist. You should’ve seen his drawings. They were really good.”

Robert nodded. “He seems good.”

“Yeah. I miss him.”

“I’ve heard from Lemu that he passed,” said Robert. “What happened?”

Greg set his jaw and clasped his paws together. “Kip and my wife, Catherine, died from a ‘clawing’. They got attacked by a cougar who had a busted collar. Apparently he had some mental issues and hasn’t been taking their PDS pills. He was tranq’d by the police, but by the time they did, the damage had already been done.”

Robert’s eyes widened. “What the–”

Greg nodded. “Yeah, it was pretty messed up. Anyways, I don’t want to talk about it any more.”

Robert nodded. “Sure. Sorry I asked.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m glad you asked. I haven’t talked about it for… years. It’s good to finally get it off my chest.”

Clawings were rare, but they do happen. It happens a lot in developing countries, where there’s a lack of PDS pills and shock collars.

Back in the Philippines, clawings were pretty common. The collar system was hard to implement due underdeveloped infrastructure and poverty. Shock collars needed to be charged regularly and a lot of the houses and buildings over didn’t have the ID system that Canada and other richer nations have. The ones that can open and lock doors for carnies.

Instead, the country is under Martial Law, with herbies patrolling the streets, armed tranquilizer guns. At least, that’s what it was like in National Capital Region or Manila as it’s often called. In the provinces where Robert came from, it’s much looser.

They continued to gaze on the horizon. Fog started to accumulate in the mountains and hills of the land overseas.

“You know, in someways, you’re like a son to me, kid.”

Robert looked at Greg.

“I dunno. I guess it’s just my paternal instinct.”

Robert felt his tail wagging harder, but he tried to suppress it. But he realised it was just him and Greg and nobody else. So he let himself wag freely. “I admit that you were more like a dad to me than an uncle.”

Greg turned to him and gave him a warm smile. Greg wrapped his arm on his shoulders.

“To be honest, I’ve felt that way for a long time,” Robert said. “Ever since my mom and I moved to Burnside and you had been helping us settle in. I just never told you.”

“Why?”

“I just thought you might think it’s weird. I’m not a roo and you’re not a dog.”

“So what? You called me uncle.”

“But dad? That’s different, with uncle, it’s more loose. Unless you adopt me.”

Greg chuckled. “We don’t have to be biologically or lawfully father and son in order to be a father and son, don’t you know?”

Robert nodded. He understood that clearly and the truth is he didn’t think it was all that weird. The truth was that he didn’t want to become too attached to someone who will soon be gone from his life. Robert shook his head. No. Greg wouldn’t get bestowed. But he would be shipped off somewhere in the north. Thinking about it now, he will lose Greg whatever happens.

“Why the long face?”

Robert shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

“C’mon, tell me, son,” Greg said as he nudged him.

There was a deep ache in Robert’s chest when he heard the word “son”. Memories of his own biological dad calling him “son” flashed in his mind. Robert’s brow furrowed as his eyes started burning, but he wasn’t on the verge of tearing up just yet.

“It’s just that, you’re going so soon and we’ve just talked about how we felt towards each other. It seemed pointless to talk about it now that we’re at the end of the line. You know?”

Tears start to blur his vision. He could feel his nose soaking up. Robert sniffed. He tried to hold them back, but he couldn’t.

“I see. Maybe, but at least we now know that right? That you saw me as a dad and I saw you as a son. At least it’s better than not knowing at all right?”

Robert wiped his eyes with his sleeve. “I guess so… Shit, I’m sorry. I’m not supposed to cry.”

“Nah, it’s alright. Come here.” Greg reached his arms out and then around the dog.

The memory of when Robert had to say goodbye to Jan went back. The hug, the goodbye, Robert running after him, and Jan pushing him away.

Robert was agitated. He pushed Greg aside. His collar beeped and a flash of light accompanied with a sharp pain around his neck. Robert clung to his collar as he cursed, “Tangina ang sakit!”. After about five seconds, the electric shock eased.

“Robert!” Greg said. “You good?”

Robert bent his body, catching his breath, he held onto the railing. He shook his head. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay… Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t, but would it be okay if you don’t hug me or call me son?”

“Why?”

“Just, don’t.”

Greg flattened his mouth and nodded. “Alright then.” His eyes trailing off. Greg raised his paw to pat Robert, but he hesitated. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. You didn’t mean to.”

Greg nodded. “Let’s go back now, it’s almost two.”

“Got it,” Robert said. He felt a pang of guilt in his chest. He curled his tail between his legs as they walked back.

Chapter Eight — Somewhere in My Memory

There was a bit of tension in the air when they checked in at the inn. Robert thought of something to talk about, but he couldn’t. The more they stayed silent, the heavier his chest became. Why did he push Greg away? It was fortunate that he didn’t claw him.

Greg sat on one of the two beds in the room. He bent and pulled his bag towards the gap between his knees. He took out a towel and a set of clothes. “Hey Robert,” Greg said softly. He looked at him and smiled, but his eyes remained droopy. “Wanna play some card games later in the evening?”

“Sure!” Robert said, trying to be enthused but nervous of whether or not Greg’s alright.

“Okay, I’ll just take a shower, how about you wait for me at that restaurant beside the hotel?”

“Yeah, I will.”

Robert took his book from his bag and went to the door. He looked back to see Greg getting into the bathroom, sighing deeply, before closing the bathroom door.

#

The restaurant was packed, mostly with visitors. Chatter here, chatter there. Utensils clanging together, scraping on top of plates. The knocking of cups and mugs being placed down on the wooden tables.

Robert rubbed his neck, which stung from the electric shock. He stared at the Huck Fox book that was lying in front of him. He couldn’t bring himself to read it. He couldn’t help but think about what he did to Greg back at the deck. He almost clawed at him. He really needed to control his emotions.

The doorbell rang as another person went in. It was Greg. His fur was all fluffy from being fresh out of the shower. His eyes were swollen and watery. He looked around and spotted Robert and sat down.

“I ordered ourselves some sandwiches,” said Robert.

Greg nodded.

“I’m sorry again, I pushed you, Tito.”

“It’s alright, kid. I forgive you.” Greg gave him a reassuring smile.

Robert smiled slightly and then frowned.

“If anything is bugging you, you can always tell me. I’m all ears.”

Robert nodded. “Thank you. But I’m good for now.”

Greg looked down on the book and rotated it toward him. “So how’s the book been so far?”

Robert’s ears perched. “It’s good. Huck Fox reminds me of Lemu a bit.”

“My wife had a collection of books in our old house. She loved mystery and crime books. Back in high school, Lemu and Catherine were both part of the book club. It was Lemu who introduced me to her.”

“I see. What was Catherine like?”

Greg tugged his ear. “She was very kind, a sucker for hockey, doesn’t like musicals, and is a bit political. She was part of the Canadian Carnivores Foundation.”

“What’s that?”

“Oh, you don’t know about it? I guess it lost its popularity over the years. It’s basically a group where they oppose the use of shock collars and pills for carnies. It started as a student group in Toronto, and they became widespread after a documentary featuring them and their free ‘impulse control’ programs. Catherine argued that impulse control is the solution, since they deal with the root causes of predation.”

Robert's brow furrowed. Catherine seemed suspicious. “What species is Catherine?”

Greg raised his brows. “She’s a wolverine.”

“Are you inter—”

“Yes,” Greg said firmly. “I like mammals of all species.”

Their table number was called, and Robert offered to get the food. Greg? Intersexual? No wonder he kept his marriage a secret. Although British Columbia allowed for interspecies marriage in 2003, the same as same-sex marriage, it was a rare occurrence and often frowned upon more than gay marriage. Heck, the rest of Canada hasn’t even legalized it yet.

Robert fidgeted with his paws and shifted in his seat. He remembered what the church said about interspecies marriage. It was seen as an abomination to the natural order. Robert felt a cold chill as he took the tray from the counter and set it towards their table. His paws felt cold. He looked at Greg. Now he’s definitely going to hell.

But Robert shook his head. No. Judgement is for God alone. Robert can’t say whether or not a person is going to hell.

Robert set the table and they started eating.

“You okay?” Greg asked. “You seemed surprised when I mentioned I like other animals.”

“Yeah, I was.”

“Good way or a bad way?”

“I–,” Robert said but he knew what word was going to pop-up. He closed his mouth and looked away. He didn’t want to finish it, besides, Greg could probably read his silence as meaning that Robert was surprised in a bad way.

Greg’s ears lowered. “It’s alright. I won’t judge you, if you think what I did was wrong, I can understand that.”

Robert’s body tensed, now he feels so bad. First he almost clawed Greg and now this? The frankness of Greg’s awareness of the church’s belief that interspecies relationships were wrong made his ears grow warm. He doesn’t want to have this unspoken tension between him and Greg.

Alright, so Greg’s intersexual, I can accept that, Robert thought. In the end, he’s still my friend. Although in Robert’s church they disagree with interspecies relationships, unlike other churches, Second Adventists were pretty much silent on that issue. Their argument was that Joshua never said anything about interspecies relationships, much less about homosexuality. If Joshua was silent when it came to those issues, Joshuans must do the same.

Since Robert’s church believed in free will, they argued that Joshuans shouldn’t influence their beliefs about Interspecies relationships to the government and should let Inters get married if they wanted to, same with people who are LGBT. Even if it is said in their beliefs that it was wrong, they shouldn’t force their beliefs unto others.

Robert looked up at Greg and said, “I won’t judge you either and sorry for my reaction earlier. No excuses. If you like other species it’s no place for me to interfere. You have your own life while I have my own.”

Greg smiled. “Thanks kiddo.”

Robert smiled. He felt his chest loosened. Now they were good.

#

That night at the hotel room, after they played a card game.

“Tito, I’m just gonna call my mom,” said Robert as he looked at Greg, who was lying on the bed, listening to his Walkman. He just stared, up at the ceiling. “Hey Tito.” He kept on staring. Robert sighed and went towards him. Greg noticed him and took out an earbud.

“Sorry kid,” said Greg. “Were you saying something?”

“Yeah, I said I’ll be out to call Ma.”

“Sure, sure.”

Robert went down the strairs, strode passed the lobby, and out into the cold street. Robert took out Lemu’s number from his pocket and dialed his number. As it rang, Robert walked towards the boardwalk they passed earlier just as when they arrived. He puts his elbows on the fence and let his upper body weight be supported by his arms. He looked far out in the dark distance, feeling the icy wind pressing against his face. His eyes squinted.

The phone picked up. “Hello?”

“Hello? Lemu?” responded Robert.

“Oh, hey dog. Sorry I missed your calls earlier today. I got busy with stuff here in the cove. I couldn’t call you either since Greg might get suspicious of me. He called me earlier today and asked if I was making you join me. I told him no of course, but I doubt he believed that.”

“Yeah, he asked me if you were making me join the Anti-Bestowal Campaign, told him no as well. Although he did seem to believe me, the fact that he suspected was we really didn’t do a good job of being inconspicuous.”

“Yeah… Greg’s a smart guy. Anyways, why did you call? Did something happen?”

“I got news. Greg’s scheduled to be sent off on Saturday.”

“Saturday!? Isn’t it like too early for him?”

“Apparantly he prepared beforehand.”

“Oh shoot. I still haven’t gotten a notification from Penfold… I can contact other members of the network and see if they are willing to hide an AWOL. I can’t hide him here in the cove since it’s a close-nit area.”

That’s if Greg agrees to not be bestowed. “Alright, that sounds good.” Robert cupped his ears. “I’m not sure if I’m able to convince Greg.”

“You must try dog.”

“What if I can’t do it?”

There was silence on Lemu’s part for half a minute.

“I honestly don’t know… I used to have a plan B for it but things changed. Greg’s been scheduled on Saturday… So you have to really convince him. No, we will convince him. The whole plan hangs on persuasion.”

“Really? There’s no other way?” Robert said.

“For now, yes. But I’ll try thinking of one. I can try texting once I come up with one.”

“Alright.”

“Anyways, I gotta go and contact the guys, no time to loose. See you later dog.”

“See you.”

Lemu hung up.

Robert sighed. He looked up. The milky way stares down at him, a small insignificant being always at the mercy of a universe.

Back at the hotel, he opened the door to his room, Greg was there sitting up, his back toward Robert. Robert closed the door and sat beside Greg, who was looking at the picture. Greg noticed Robert and passed the photo onto him. It’s all worn out. There was a date that said 8:34 pm 12/24/1991. On the picture was a younger looking Greg. Sitting on Greg shoulder is a Newfoundland puppy. Beside Greg was a heavy-set wolverine. They were doing this weird pose. Where they have both of the paws on their cheeks with a shocked expression. They were in front of this large, bricked, house, covered in snow.

“Are those Kip and Catherine?”

Greg nodded. He smiled. “We visited the Home Alone house during our holiday in Chicago.”

“Home Alone? What’s that?”

“It’s an old Christmas movie. Kip and I’s favorite. It’s about this labrador that got left behind by his family on Christmas by accident. Then there were these burglars that want to get into the house. Then Kevin, the dog, set up these traps around the house to keep the burglars out.”

Robert furrowed his brow. “Woah, his family must’ve been very irresponsible to ‘forget’ him by accident.”

Greg laughed. “Yeah, but hey, it wouldn’t be fun if they hadn’t.”

“Why didn’t we watch it during the holidays? And the holidays before that if this is your favorite”

“Was my favorite…” Greg held the photo and wiped some dust off the photo. “It’s not the same watching the movie without Kip. If anything, it just reminded me more of his absence. I didn’t even watch the sequel when it got released two years later.”

Robert let Greg take the photo from him. Greg picks up a small envelope and slides the photo inside it.

“If there is such thing as an afterlife,” Greg said. “I hope we could meet each other again.”

“I thought you don’t believe in an afterlife?”

Greg nudged him. “I’m an Agnostic, not an Atheist, kid.”

“What difference does that make?”

“An Agnostic considers both possibilites of there being and not being a supernatural. An Atheist is more close-minded to anything supernatural.”

Robert nodded. “I see.”

“Anyways, let’s get to bed now, we have to wake up early to catch the ferry. We’ll be at our last stop tomorrow, the northernmost point. We’ll camp there for the night and after that we’ll go home.”

Robert’s ears flattened. “Alright then.” He got up to turn off the light, and laid down on the other bed. He stared at the window in front of him. The moon illuminates the clouds scuttling across the night sky.

“Hey kid?” said Greg.

“Yeah?”

Greg yawned. “Thanks for coming on a road trip with me.”

There was a deep ache in Robert’s chest. It reminded him that tomorrow would be their last day together. His eyes blurred. Robert blinked and he could fear a tear warming his cheek.

“You know, I should be the one thanking you,” Robert quivered, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. “But no worries, tito.”

Greg chuckled. “Too bad your mom’s not here. Did you take a lot of pictures for her?”

“Eh, a few, I keep forgetting to take photos.”

“_Haloh, lagowt kah.” _

“Eh, your Tagalog sucks. Too much twanging”

Greg laughed. “I guess I never really gonna perfect my tagalog before my bestowal huh.”

“Yeah…”

Even with a plan in place, Robert feared it might not go well. But he shook his head and told sternly to himself that he would convince Greg. That both him and Lemu can do this.

“Love you kiddo,” Greg said.

His eyes blurred again. He inhaled and exhaled. He clenched his paws, trying to fight the tears. But they kept flowing. Good thing Greg was sleeping on his side, facing the wall, his back to him. Robert felt a lump in his throat. “Love you too, tito.”

He wasn’t used to these kinds of affirmations, but unlike last time, it felt relieving being able to say that before he goes away.

Chapter Nine — To the Northernmost Point

A heavy downpour splatters onto the windshield as wipers aggressively flicked the water off. Robert wasn’t sure, but for some reason the air conditioner in the car is much colder than it had been during the past few days. Perhaps it was because of the rain? Maybe.

“Oh shoot!” said Greg.

“What is it?” said Robert.

“I forgot to buy more toilet paper at Port McNeill.”

Robert laughed. “You can just use water and soap to, you know, clean your butt.”

“I tried that before… it just feels weird.”

“I don’t know, it seems unhygienic to use only toilet paper every time you take a shit.”

“To each their own.” Greg shrugged. “I’ll go get some at Port Hardy. We may have to double check our stuff in case we have something missing. I kinda rushed packing before the road trip.”

In about twenty minutes, they reached Port Hardy and drove to a small shopping mall called the Thunderbird Mall.

Greg parked the car, turned off the engine and unbuckled his seat belts. He turned to Robert. “How about we eat lunch while we are here? Then afterwards we can do our grocery shopping?”

Robert nodded.

The rain had eased into a shower but they pulled in their hoods as they went outside. They checked their bags in the trunk for things they may need. In the end all they needed was some toilet paper, extra matches, and a chopping board.

Going through the mall’s entrance, there weren’t many people inside. If Robert can guess, there would be about twenty people currently walking around the place. The mall wasn’t that big either. It was similar to Douglas Center back in Victoria.

They had lunch in a Subway, a sandwich restaurant, and ate veggie patties and immediately headed their way to the Overwaitee Foods to buy groceries.

When they had taken what they needed and were paying at the cashier. The cashier guy, an old buck probably in his late forties, looked at Robert and wrinkled his nose in disgust.

Robert raised one arm and smelled his armpits if he smelled. It has been a few days since he showered. Dogs don’t shower that often, that’s to keep essential oils in the fur, but they do wear activated charcoal deodorizers the same as herbivores. He knew he had used one before they left Alert Bay. He couldn’t smell anything bad about himself.

The buck looked at Greg and signalled him to come closer. The buck whispered something in Greg’s ear. Greg’s face stirred and grabbed the bag of groceries and took Robert’s arm as they walked away. “C’mon, Robert let’s go.”

Robert’s eyes widened. “What happened?”

But Greg wasn’t listening and mumbling profanity.

Robert twisted his arm for Greg to let go. Greg released him and stormed towards the station wagon. Robert ran passed. “What’s the matter? What happened?”

Greg ignored him. He flung the trunk open, shoved the groceries between the bags and slammed the trunk shut. Robert went inside the car as Greg went in, slamming the door shut.

Greg turned the key, starting the engine, and drove off into the road.

They didn’t speak. Greg breathed deeply, his arms gripping on the steering wheel.

Robert clasped paws together, looking down on the floor. Did he do something wrong? No, the buck said something to Greg to upset him.

Greg sighed. “I cannot believe such people still exist! They live as if we still live in that fucking age! Fuck him!”

“Why, what happened?”

Greg sighed and looked at Robert. “He called you the ‘P’ word, Robert.”

Robert’s heart fell. “Oh.”

“He told me, ‘You should be ashamed of yourself, a herbie associating yourself with some’ and then he said the ‘P’ word.”

The “P” word was an outdated term to refer to carnivores. It is often used in a derogative way. The terms “carnivore” and “omnivore” were invented to focus more on the dietary differences between animals that eat meat and those that don’t, rather than the behavior.

Robert had been called the “P” word many times by his classmates, both back in the Philippines and in Canada.

"There are people who just aren't open to change," Greg said. "They're the worst kind to be around, with that sense of racial superiority and conservation for what's 'supposed' to be."

Robert didn’t know how to respond to that, so he just nodded. “Greg?”

“Yeah?”

“What do you think would happen if each and everyone of us are the same species? Do you think it’ll all be better?”

“Hmm. It could be. I think there would still be conflict, but I think there would be less of it. I don’t know, kid, it’s hard for me to imagine a world only dominated by one race. The reality is, everyone is born different and it’s something one cannot control. I think the question to ask ourselves instead is what are we going to do with those differences? Should we let it divide us, or should we find things we have in common instead?”

Robert nodded. “I guess that thought experiment itself is foolish.” Robert laughed.

“I don’t entertain stuff that’s just wishful thinking. But I understand where you’re coming from. It would be easier if everyone was the same, but that wouldn’t solve the root problem, which is the nature of mammals itself.”

“You think nature is the problem?”

“If there’s anything I agree with religion is that nature is the enemy. It is the nature of every animal to hold onto evil. To lie and steal. To predate and self-preserve. The current system, the bestowals, the shock-collars, the pills, they threaten that nature, that’s why it’s so important that we have them.”

Robert felt irritated. He furrowed his brow. Robert opened his mouth, wanting to argue. However, he couldn’t bring up the words to convey what he was feeling. It will be best to save it for later, Robert thought.

#

They drove in silence. Light rain fell from the sky, creating this fog-like atmosphere around them. The road was narrow by this point and rocky too. So, the car bumped every now and then.

They reached an open area, parked with other cars and motorhomes.

Getting out of the station wagon, they took their backpacks and read the map plastered on a sign.

“I wish we could go to the actual northernmost point, over there,” Greg said as he pointed toward a small lighthouse symbol at the edge of the island. “But since we’re running out of time we’ll just go to San Josef Bay which takes about three hours to get there.”

The sun peeked through the clouds by this point. Making the air thick with humidity. With this kind of climate, Robert wasn’t looking forward to a three hour hike across the Canadian wilderness. But they had no choice, they had to walk it out.

Mud squished and squashed beneath their shoes as they trek their way on the trail. _Eugh. _

“C’mon, Robert, pick up the pace!” Greg said further down the trail.

Robert cupped his ears. “I am!”

Greg laughed. “You call that picking up the pace?”

Robert grinned. “How about this?” he trudged on the mud, speeding up. He felt something slippery beneath him and he wobbled. He extended his arms for balance.

“Oh hoh, careful there,” Greg said.

Robert nodded, wide eyed. This was his last set of clothes. Jeans, a flannel shirt, and a parka jacket. He wouldn’t want to ruin them, would he? But Greg was the one who told him to pick up the pace!

After about an hour and a half, they took a fifteen water break before heading out for another hour and half until they reached the shore.

The waves roared as they crashed into the sand. The wind rustled the tree branches and bushes, so much, that he felt they could break.

This time, Robert remembered to take pictures. Pictures of the ocean, the forest, the rock formations and individual pictures of themselves posing in front of the scenery.

Robert squinted as the afternoon sun came into view.

“Alright! Let’s set up camp!” Greg said excitedly.

They laid the bags on the sand and began setting up the tents. After that was done, Robert collected some logs and bits of kindling and piled them up at a pit that Greg made. When the fire is out, Robert helped make dinner.

The fire raged and radiate as Greg sauteed mung bean sprouts with a ladle. He then put some minced ginger into the mix, filling the air with a wamr pungent smell which made Robert’s stomach growl.

Squatting, Robert chopped raw tofu on a board placed on a flat rock.

He took everything in. The sizzling of the mung beans, the sea crashing on the shore, the howling wind, the rustling of leaves, the warm sun, the shifting sand beneath him.

He stopped chopping and closed his eyes. He imagined themselves in a place far from the modern world, a world where Robert didn’t have to wear his collar or drink pills. He would be clothed in simple sheep's wool or plant fibers and so would Greg, who would no longer have a monitor bracelet on his leg. Who wouldn’t have to die for the world.

He would live long and both of them will live free.

He imagined being surrounded by a like-minded community of renegades, all dancing around the fire. With others blowing the flute or beating the drums.

Then Lemu would be there, teaching him the ways of Symbite culture. Letting himself cut his nails by a fellow Symbite as an initiation rite, symbolizing the forsaking the fleshly ways of being a carnivore.

He knew that life was impossible, for him at least. Truth was, he couldn’t leave his mother behind. He couldn’t go where Greg would go.

Robert continued chopping and once that was done, he slid the chopped tofu into the pot to be sauteed.

Robert thought of telling Greg now about the plan, however he wanted to wait until nighttime, he wanted for the peaceful moment to last before things turn ugly. There was no doubt how Greg would react. In anger? Very likely. Telling Robert how risky it would be, that it could get Robert and Natalie in trouble with the government. But Robert had to be firm, to knock some sense into Greg about his life being on the line. He felt a cold chill inside of him as he thought of raised voices between him and Greg.

The sun was through the pines when dinner was served. The sun hasn’t setted yet but having an early dinner would mean getting to sleep early. Greg planned to ride the whole day back to Victoria.

Robert was sitting, putting his paws near the fire as he drank the bowl of soup. It was strange how being this uncomfortable: out in the cold, sitting on a rock, being partly warmed up by a fire, can be so exhilarating. Perhaps this is what Lemu felt by living with the bare minimum. Never did he show a hint of self-pity when talking about his condition, if anything he seemed proud of it. Perhaps living simply wouldn’t be so bad if he and Natalie ended up getting deported.

He imagined him and Natalie back in his Uncle Alex’s farm house. They wouldn’t be too poor to the point where they haven’t have enough to eat, but it wouldn’t be as abundant as they had here in Canada either.

He would go back to eating tinapa, fish smoked with salt and some sauce, and rice everyday. Then eat those delicious fried bittermelon with scrambled egg.

Since he couldn’t go to college because he would have a criminal record, he’d spend his days helping out with farm work. Growing crops, plowing the fields, and selling the produce. Then he could use the money to fund good causes around the country, maybe even help his local Anti-Bestowal Campaign or maybe become part of it himself. It would be a difficult life, but at least Greg would be safe.

Greg looked at Robert. “Watcha thinking?”

Robert smiled and shook his head. “Nothing.”

“C’mon, spill. What is it?”

Robert felt his heart bumping harder. Now now was probably the time to talk about.

“I’ve been thinking of what would happen if get depo—I mean—go back to the Philippines.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I imagine myself going back to my ninong’s farm.”

“Ninong?”

“It means uncle.”

“Oh ok. Why would you think of going back to the Philippines?”

Robert took a deep breath and stood up. “The thing is, I might get deported back there.”

Greg raised a brow. “What do you mean? Why would you get deported.”

Robert’s paws grew cold. “Well, the thing is Greg, Lemu and I will keep you from getting bestowed.”

Greg put down his bowl of soup and look straight at the fire.

Robert’s heart palpitated as Robert spouted each word quickly as a machine gun, “I know, I know, I know, what will be doing sounds crazy, but it’s well though out plan. There’s this guy called Penfold, he’s a trucker, he has this device that can deactivate your monitor bracelet and he can bring you to safety. There’s a community in the north, it’s not much but—.”

“Robert.”

“—they can live free over there, you can live pass thirty six. And—.”

“Robert.”

“I know, you might be saying it’s too dangerous, and that it’ll risk my life here in Canada, but I care about—”

“Robert!” Greg said, glaring at him.

Robert stopped.

Greg puts his paw on his face. “I knew it, I should’ve not believed you when you told me. I knew it. You and Lemu? Seriously? You both could get in trouble, like seriously in trouble.”

“We don’t care!”

“Well, I care! What about your mom? She worked herself to death, providing a better life for you here in Canada, and you just going to throw that away?!”

“And get yourself killed? Hell no! Be honest, Greg, do really want your life cut short, your insides gutted out and have your flesh be sold at the butcher shop like its some fish or something?”

Greg’s eyes widened. He cupped his ears.

“Well, do you?”

Robert expected to blow up at him, but instead he sighed. “I do, to be quite honest…”

Robert lowered his ears. “What do you mean, Greg?”

“I-I, ugh, it’s hard to explain, you might not understand, kiddo,” Greg said as he sat down.

“I can try,” Robert said softly. Now, he wished he didn’t blow up at Greg like that. Robert walked around the fire to sit beside Greg.

Greg continued to look at the fire. He took off his glasses and pinches his eyes with his thumb and index finger. He opened his mouth and closed it. He took a deep breath.

“I just—,” said Greg. “It may not seem obvious to you, I tried to hide it as much as I could. I didn’t want you to worry. But for a long time… very, very long time, I wanted to just… how should I say it? Disappear? I may seem happy now and during the past few days, because there was a way out. The bestowals. They are my way out.”

“But why?” Robert said, his chest aching. “Why would you want to ‘disappear’?”

Greg took a deep breath. “I’m just tired. So very fucking tired. With everything. With being alone… I lost my parents, my sister, my brother doesn’t reach out to me or cares about me, my wife’s dead, my son’s dead.”

“But you got me… you got my mother…” said Robert, his body trembling. Tears started to form in his eyes.

“But soon, I’m going to have to say goodbye to you… Everything will be taken away from me… I can’t keep on living with the pain.”

Greg rubbed his tears with his sleeve and sniffed. He looked at Robert deep into his eyes and said, “Do you think I agree to all the bullshit the church and the government said about the bestowals?”

“I—.”

“Deep down, I really don’t agree to all of it. I know I told you stuff how all of it makes sense and all, I’m just trying to keep you in trouble. The moment I saw those students back at the diner days ago, I had to make sure that you don’t develop some crazy plan to get me saved because I know how much you care about me… And the last thing I wanted to happen before I die is to have your life screwed up over some escape attempt.”

Greg held Robert’s paws firmly. “So please, for your own sake and for my own, leave me alone. Respect my decision. I have my own free will.” Greg let go and got up. “C’mon now, let’s pack up.”

Robert tilted his head. “Wait what?”

“We’re going home,” Greg said sternly.

“But it’s getting dark! Can’t we wait until tomor—”

“I said WERE PACKING! Damn it, Robert.”

Robert’s ears dropped, his tail curled. Robert nodded and immediately goes on disasembling the tent.

There was a loud hissing sound. Robert turned his back to see Greg dumping the soup they made into the fire, extinguishing it. Robert watched as Greg storming towards the sea. Instead of washing the pot like Robert would expect it. He stood there, looking at the horizon. Robert resumed pulling off the tent stakes when he heard a metal clanging and a bloodcurdling scream. It was Greg. Flailing his arms around, his ankles soaked in the shore.

Robert instinctively sprinted towards him, but he prevented himself halfway and just stared and watched. He was more so shocked, he hadn’t seen this side of Greg before.

His scream became fainter as it became a sob. Almost the sob of a child, only with a deep and hoarse voice. Robert walked towards him, he picked up the pot and patted Greg on the back. His sobs become quieter and quieter. Once he had calmed down, Robert led Greg back to camp and packed up the remaining stuff they needed to pack.

They walked the trail back to the parking lot until the sky turned dark. As they were driving home, they didn’t speak, except for that time when they had to stop by a diner at Nanaimo and Greg asked what he’d like to eat.

Robert had failed. He wasn’t surprised that he wasn’t convinced. What was surprising was Greg’s reaction and how he wanted to die all along. Should’ve he done better? Robert thought so. Robert thought of contacting Lemu, but he was afraid of how Greg might react. He had to contact Lemu as soon as he got home. Hopefully he has another plan. For now, he must endure this silent road trip home back to Victoria.

PART THREE: The Caregiver

Chapter Ten — House Arrest

His body was being shaken. “Hey, kiddo,” said a soft baritone voice. “Wake up.”

Robert opened his eyes. The car was quiet and they had stopped driving. In front of the window was what he recognized as the fence surrounding his apartment complex’s parking lot. He looked behind him to see the apartment.

Robert looked at Greg, who offered Robert his backpack. Robert got out of the car and walked with him toward the apartment back entrance. His mother was there, her chin illuminated by the jarring red light from the shock collar.

Robert bent his body and took his mother’s paw and put the back of her paw on his forehead, saying. “Bless po.” They they hugged.

“How was the road trip?” Natalie smiled.

“It went fine,” Robert said. Apparently Greg did not tell her about what happened in the northernmost point.

“Alright then, I better be going now,” said Greg.

“Yes,” Natalie said. “Your orientation starts on seven.”

Greg reached out to hug Natalie. “Thank you, for everything.” They let go. Greg looked at Robert. “It was a fun road trip, kiddo. Be good to your mother for me. ‘Kay?” He gave him a warm smile.

Robert’s chest ached. Greg reached out to hug him but he stopped halfway. “Oh right, erm. Can I pat you instead?”

Robert nodded.

Greg softly patted Robert’s head. “I wish you don’t have to go.”

Greg sighed. He let go and walked his way to the car. Robert’s eyes warmed and soaked. He gulped. “Wait!”

Greg stopped and looked back. “Hm?”

Robert jogged toward him and said. “Please survive first stage for me, okay?”

Greg stared at him and smiled. “I can’t answer that, kiddo.” The kangaroo reached out the door handle and open the door. Robert held Greg’s free paw. “Kid, I have to go.”

“Don’t leave me, please…” Robert held his arm tightly.

“I’m sorry, Robert, but I really have to go.”

Natalie puts her paw on Robert’s shoulder. “Let go now, bunso, or he’ll be late for his orientation.”

When Robert didn’t let go, Greg twisted his arm and was let go. He got into the station wagon and started it. Robert and Natalie backed off as the car moved out of the parking lot and into the street.

“We can visit him after his first stage,” said Natalie. “Saanich Peninsula Bestowal Center has one of the lowest mortality rates when it comes to the first stages of bestowals.”

Robert clenched his fists as he burst into a run.

His mother called him, but he ignored her. He ran after the car, huffing and puffing. “Wait! Greg!” But he didn’t stop. He ran faster. His legs burned. “Wait!”

The car turned a corner, it was now on Burnside Road E. He sped up. Robert stopped and panted. He took out his wallet and looked to the left. A bus was coming in his way. Robert waved at the bus, and his mother grabbed him. “Robert! What are you doing! It’s curfew!” The bus eased in front of them, its door slid opened.

“How much is the bus to Douglas Saint?”

“Three dollars, dog,” said the beaver bus driver.

“Robert!” said Natalie.

“He’s about to commit suicide!” said Robert. “I need to get to him!”

“What do you mean?”

“Long story.”

“You can’t go there, they won’t allow you in! It’ll be a month before they will let you in.”

“Then… I… I will break in!”

“Whoa, whoa whoa,” says the bus driver. “What’s this kid going to do?”

“Nothing sir,” said Natalie. “He’s just stressed out.”

“I’m calling the police.”

“No!” they Natalie and Robert both said but the beaver started dialing in his phone. Robert went down the bus, twisted his arm from Natalie’s grasp, and bolted towards town. He would into town then and catch a different bus. Minutes later, he heard faint sirens coming closer with each step. He stopped to look around, there were a few cars parked on a Midas car repair shop, crawled underneath one of the cars and watched as the police care rolls into the scene.

“Get out kid!” said a police with a megaphone. “We know where you are. Get out of the car.”

He realised his mistake. As much as the collars are there to shock people, they present as tracking devices.

Robert slowly crawled out from beneath the car, got up, and raised both of his paws. Bloodhound police held their tranq. guns toward Robert.

One of them approached him and took him to the car.

They drove him back to Natalie, who was waiting by the parking lot of the apartment. The police told both Robert and Natalie that Robert would be barred from going outside the confines of the apartment for a month and a half for violating curfew and threatening to break in a bestowal center. Robert’s shock collar had been replaced with an unremovable one. It has been programmed to not let him use the door of their apartment, keeping him locked in. If somehow he managed to escape, if we went beyond a certain parimeter, he’ll immediately get shocked and alert the authorities.

Natalie signed the mandatory triplicate, giving here one copy while they took the other two for record keeping. The police got inside of their cars as they zoomed off, leaving Natalie and Robert heading for the steps.

“Let’s talk after breakfast,” Natalie said.

Robert nodded.

#

The sun was shining though the balcony sliding glass doors. The curtains gently waved as Robert sat on the dining table. The smell of bitter melon mixed with egg filled the air. His stomach grumbled.

The shock collar the police gave him was heavier than his current shock collar. It looked the same as the old one, but a little thicker and beeping every minute. Kinda annoying. It seemed to beep faster the farther he gets away from the apartment. When he got out to the balcony, it beeped a little faster.

“Robert, can you set up the plates?”

“Hm? Yeah, sure.” Robert went to the cabinet and took out two plates and set it on the table. He fetched the utensils as his mother scrapped some bittermelon omelette on both their plates.

“I know it’s hard to let go,” said Natalie.

“It’s not about letting go. It’s about saving his life.”

Natalie sighed and stayed silent.

Robert wanted to say that there was a way to save Greg’s life, but he remembered what Lemu said about not telling other people such information.

Having thought of Lemu, he should call him soon, after they eat. They needed to form a plan, very quick.

“How is the ampalaya?” said Natalie.

“It is good, though it doesn’t taste as good as ones back in the Philippines. This one tastes too bitter.”

Natalie stretched his lips. “Yeah, It does.” She took a sip of orange juice and looked outside the window. “Roberto?”

“Yeah?”

“What do you think? Should we just go back to the Philippines?” Natalie said in Tagalog.

“I thought you hate it there?” Robert said, also in Tagalog.

“I do, but it is exhausting, being a caregiver? At least for bestowers. My recent patient, the one that died, she happen to from the Anti-Bestowal Campaign. She… she really challenged my views on the bestowals.”

“What did she tell you?”

She held out her paw, as she munched a spoonful of rice with the omelette. She gulped. “She didn’t say anything, I just overheard conversations between her and fellow campaign members during her recovery.”

“So what does it have to do with us going back to the Philippines? You not wanting to be a caregiver anymore doesn’t mean that you go back to the Philippines. You can apply to a nursing home or a hospital instead.”

“I know, I can do that, but these past years has been pretty rough for both of us, don’t you think? Five years and we still haven’t gotten our own house, then there’s inflation to worry about. Then there’s you going to collage. Collage is pretty expensive over here while it’s much more affordable back there. I thought I’ll be able to manage it when your father was here, but now that he’s gone I don’t think it’s possible.

“Plus it gets really lonely living here in Victoria. Our relatives in your father’s side live in Vancouver and Calgary and they have their own lives to worry about. At least with my siblings back in Lucena, they all live together at the farm. They seem to be very successful with their business, one of your cousins is an engineer and another has a tailoring business. Another thing is your lola is getting old and I wanted to be with her while she has time left here in this world. I don’t want to not be able to be there like what happened with your lolo. You do miss your lola, don’t you Robert?”

Robert nodded. “Of course.”

“I’ve never told you before, but I have been saving funds for us to go back to the Philippines next year.”

Robert’ wasn’t surprised. He had found hints that Natalie had been saving up for something in secret. When he was cleaning the apartment at one time he discovered a small notebook containing savings which weren’t part of their budget notebook. He assumed it was back up money and just left it at that.

“What date?” Robert asked.

“Hopefuly on late November, after Greg’s final bestowal stage.”

Robert’s ear’s flattened at the mention of Greg.

Natalie reached out to her son’s paw and rubbed it. “Don’t worry, he will survive the first few stages. He’s a strong roo.”

Robert looked at here. “I guess, for now I’m stuck here, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry, I didn’t know what I was thinking.”

“I understand. You and Greg are pretty close.”

Robert nodded. “So what are you going to do now that you’re done with bestowal caregiving?”

“I’ll apply in a nursing home and resign this Monday. Can you come? No, wait. Oh you’re under house arrest.”

Robert chuckled. “I hope you don’t get amnesia when you get older.” Robert knocked on the table.

“Hopefully not.” Natalie knocked on the table.

There was ringing in the living room.

Lemu, Robert thought. Robert finished the remaining rice and got up. He rushed towards the living room, opened his bag, and pressed the phone button. He went outside, to the balcony and closed the sliding door behind him. “Hello?”

“Hey dog,” Lemu said. “Can we meet up somewhere? I now have a plan.”

“I can’t go out Lemu.”

“Why? Did something happen?”

“Yeah, I got house arrested—”

“What?!” Lemu cleared his throat. “Sorry, for how long?”

“For a month and a half.”

“Oh okay, that’s not too long after Greg’s first bestowal. Are you currently with your mother?”

“Yeah, but she can’t hear me, I’m on the balcony.”

“Good good. I have good news and bad news. Good news. There’s a couple in Tofino who could hide Greg until Chris renews his liscence. Bad news, I had an argument with Greg, he’s dead set with his bestowal. But never mind that, I have a plan. We’re gonna get Greg out of the center whether he likes to or not. How? Well, we can’t get into the center before his first bestowal, so after his first bestowal we would organize an outing with him. We would go to Tofino and then deactivate his ankle bracelet. Then he has no choice but to leave.”

Robert thought about what Greg said about not wanting to live anymore. “I don’t think it’ll work like that, Lemu. What if he just turns himself in?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re not talking about locking him up, aren’t you?”

“No! But if circumstances leave him no choice but for him to escape, wouldn’t he take that?”

“The thing is, he doesn’t want to escape in the first place. He doesn’t want to live, Lemu. He told me so.”

“Oh… Then that makes things more complicated.”

“If we did free him, what prevents him from killing himself in other ways?”

There was silence on Lemu’s end of the phone. “Is he really that serious? It may just be empty talk. You know how people say they’re going to do this because they feel like it but when it comes to actually doing it, they waver?”

“I think we should take any people’s desire for death seriously, whether or not we think it they are being serious or not. At least that’s I’ve learned from my psychology class.”

“What should we do then? The plan is already there, but I guess this is bigger than just saving Greg from bestowals.”

“I don’t know yet to be honest. It’s not something that’s tackled deeply in our psychology class. Suicide I mean. I’m training to be a social worker, not a psych.”

“I’m no expert on that either. He was so upset when I was talking him on the phone earlier today.”

“We didn’t get to finish our camping trip in the northernmost point because of that too.”

“I figured, if you guys did, you won’t be back until noon.”

“Yeah.” Robert scratched the back of his neck. “Anyways, we still have a month to figure things out. I’m pretty tired too so I should go get some sleep.”

“Yeah. Can I come visit you sometime? Discuss plans and stuff? It’s not like I’m also on house arrest too.” Lemu chuckled.

Robert laughed. “Yeah sure, can you give me your collar ID? That way you can access the door if my mom’s out for work.”

Robert went inside to take a piece of paper and pen and went back outside. As Lemu dictated his ID number, Robert jotted them down. “Alright, I’ll set it up later, I’ll have to let my mother do it since I can’t access the scanner.”

“That’s fine with me. Would your mother be alright with me there?”

“I think she’ll be fine with it. I’ll just tell her that you’re Greg’s close friend, that you were classmates back in High School.”

“Okay, that sounds good.”

“When are you going?”

“Probably next week. I’ll be distributing literature with some fellow campaigners downtown. It’s the start of tourist season so we gonna reach out as much people as we could.”

“How long will you be here?”

“For the rest of June and July. I’ll be staying at a friend’s apartment.”

“Okay. I guess I’ll see you next week then.”

“Wait! You haven’t told me your address!” Lemu said, laughing.

“Oh, haha, it’s 548 Manchester Road, just a few blocks away from Douglas Center, if you know where that is. And my unit is 4A”

“Okay, written it down. Alright see you. Take care.”

“Take care.”

Lemu put down the phone.

Robert tucked his phone in his pocket and went inside the apartment.

“Who rang the phone?”

“Lemu. He’s Tito Greg’s close friend. We met him in Telegraph Cover a few days ago.”

“Oh, that’s pretty cool.”

“I was wondering if we could let him visit here in the apartment.”

“Of course! When? It’s been a while since we had visitors.”

“He told me next week, but I’m not sure what date. He has some business to do.”

Natalie sat down on the couch and turned on the television. “Oh! Let’s do some cleaning then. Tomorrow then”

Robert nodded as he went into his room. He opened the electric fan and crashed into his bed. Summer air from the window blew into his face as he stared at the ceiling. Then, it got to him. His eyes watered, his nose flared and soaked. He breathed through his snout. Now what was he going to do? He couldn’t give up. He sternly told himself not to cry, that a plan has been set, but the reality that he might lose the person he loved so much throughout the years weighed on his chest.

He brushed his tears away with his sleeve. A whiff off body odor entered his nose. He must take a shower now. Robert got up, took the towel that hang from a chair, took fresh clothes in his cabinet, and headed towards the bathroom.

“Roberto,” called his mother from the living room. “Will you go to church with me tomorrow?”

Robert looked back. “I can’t go you know.”

“I can ask permission from the police if they can let you, it’s been a while since we went to church and I feel kinda embarassed to decline the Pastor Dave’s invitation. Tomorrow is foundation day.”

It has been a while since Robert had been to church. Natalie’s caregiving job didn’t let her, but now that she was out of it, there’s no reason for her to excuse herself. Robert used to go to church every Sunday by himself, however he became lazy and too hot-headed to listen to sermons, especially ones that involved the end of the world. Something, Robert thinks, is still too faraway. But for the sake of being polite, Robert said. “Alright, I’ll come then.”

Chapter Eleven — The Root Cause

Early the next morning, Robert buttoned his blue polo shirt in front of the mirror. It smelled of naphthalene balls and wood from being in the cabinet for far too long.

Natalie came in his room, bringing a striped tie. She wrapped it around Robert’s neck and straightened it.

Natalie backed away a bit and smiled. “You look just like your—”

Robert snorted. “My father?”

Natalie laughed. “Nah, your uncle Alexis. Just a little chubbier.”

Robert chuckled.

They took the bus to the city and walked a few blocks away from the stop to the church. The church wasn’t elaborate like other churches in Victoria. It was a simple brick building with a large wooden dagger over the entrance.

People crowd the entrance, all of them exchanging polite looks and shaking each other's paws. Robert looked around as he spotted familiar faces and old friends. Some of them spotted him and Natalie. They greeted each other, catch up what has happened with their lives.

When the bell rang, they all went to the pews and sat down. They all sang in the beginning, some song Robert wasn’t that familiar anymore because of how long he had been away from church. So he just sang in gibberish with an occasional word here and there (from remembering as much as he could about the song). The badger beside him gave him a strange look, but Robert just smiled awkwardly at him. The badger shook his head and faced his head forward.

After the song, the pastor, a boar on green garments, stood up from his chair. He preached a sermon about love by telling a few stories straight from the holy scriptures. One of those stories was about a sinful shepherd dog gifting Joshua, a sheep, perfume to prepare for his death. The pastor talked about how people tend to take the people they love for granted. That they only express how much they appreciate them when it was too late. During the funeral. When the person had already died.

After the sermon, they pass on grasshoppers mixed with honey, took a piece and ate them. It was a nice treat. It tasted like shrimp but the honey enhanced the savoriness of the grasshopper with its sweetness. He felt tempted to take more of it, but prevented himself. This is an important Joshuan ritual of communion.

They concluded the church service with a closing hymn. This time, he was able to sing without difficulty, because it was a hymn he sang back when he was in the church choir. It was based on the verse, a prophecy about a world where wolves lie down with the sheep, where lions will eat grass like the oxen. A world where everybody didn’t have to eat anybody. A world that Robert find hard to imagine considering the kind of world he lives in.

Once the congregation dispersed. Robert and Natalie hung around the fellowship hall. Natalie talked to other church members, while Robert sat, eating banana muffins. Chatters about summer plans, how good the food was, and church events filled the room. Robert couldn’t help but feel an emptiness surrounded with people whom he shared his beliefs with. The general feeling was that church, for them, was more or less a club they join at the end of the week. Once it ended, they go back to doing whatever it was they were doing. At least with Lemu’s faith, it was driven with change and action. However here, everything felt stale, like the banana muffin he was eating.

The pastor reached out to shake Natalie’s paw. They talked for a bit and their heads pointed toward Robert. Natalie gestured him to come over. Robert got up, crumpled the empty muffin wrapper, and stumbled toward them.

“Hello there, brother Robert,” said the old pastor. “Nice seeing you again after such a long time!”

Robert nodded. “Nice seeing you too.”

“We missed you having you on our choir.”

Robert scratched his back. “I got kinda busy, you see. Finishing up my school work for twelfth grade.”

“Oh!”

“I liked your sermon,” said Robert. Thinking about what else to say.

“Thank you. It is a very important lesson, appreciating the people around you. Death comes to us when we least expected to. So it is very important that we express our love, not just with the people we love, but also to people we least likely to show our love to.”

Robert thought of Greg. Now he wished he let Greg hug him for the last time. Robert wished he didn’t pushed him away like he did back in Alert Bay.

“True, true,” said Natalie. “When my grandfather died, I was already here in Canada. I regretted not spending time with him as much as I should. I wasn’t even able to go to his funeral due to the lack of money.”

Anyway, it was for the best, Robert thought, that he and Greg didn’t hug. The least attached Robert seemed, the easier for Greg to be able to let go of him. Same for Robert too. Though something about that reasoning seemed wrong, and he couldn’t pin point why that was. He could see the practicality, but he could also see as being dishonest and inconsiderate. Robert shook his head from those head as the voices of both Natalie and the pastor all came back.

“Anyways, we’re going to get going now,” Natalie said. “Robert needs to be home by ten.”

“Why?” the boar asked?

“He’s actually on house arrest.”

The pastor gave Robert a surprised looked. “Oh! What happened?”

Robert explained how he broke curfew and ran after his neighbor, Greg.

“I see, it’s hard when family/friends get bestowed, huh?”

Robert put his paws inside his pockets. He set his jaw. “Yeah, it is.”

The pastor put his hoof on his shoulder and squeezed it. “I’ll pray that he gets to live longer and survives his bestowals.”

Robert furrowed his brow, but immediately notices it and forced a smile. “Thank you.” Deep down, Robert was a little irritated. He didn’t only want for the pastor to pray for his survival, but for his salvation from the system. That he wouldn’t have to undergo the bestowals so that Greg may live pass thirty-six.

They both said their goodbyes and well-wishes and headed out the door.

Once they walked out of the church gates, Robert felt a weight taken off from his shoulders. The whiff of scorching concrete and surrounding plants filled the air. Wind seeped through the holes of his polo shirt. Taking the heat out of him.

Natalies dress pressed against her round body as the summer breeze blew.

“What a good day it is,” remarked Natalie.

Robert nodded. “Yep.”

“Tell me more about this Lemu guy, Robert. What’s he like?”

Robert hummed. “He’s a nice guy. He’s an omnie.”

“What species?”

“A raccoon.”

They stopped talking a bit as they looked both ways of the street, then crossed.

The city was alive with sirens, beeps, and people walking to and fro between buildings and shops.

“I see,” Natalie finally responded. “What else?”

“He’s a pretty down to earth guy and he’s a Symbite.”

“Oh? A Symbite?”

“Yeah.”

They stopped at a bus stop. “I haven’t meet many Symbites in my life,” said Natalie. “I would really love to meet him. Do you know what kind of food he likes?”

“Uhm, er, I actually don’t know. I can go ask him.”

“Sure, as long as it’s withing our budget.”

Of course. Robert figured that Lemu’s likes would always be within their budget. Lemu isn’t a picky eater.

By the time Robert and Natalie got back to the apartment, he called Lemu and the raccoon requested, “Anything is good, dog!” Robert looked back at Natalie, who was getting ready to buy groceries. “You sure about that, Lemu? ‘Cuz she was wondering what you would like and it would be difficult on her if she’d have to think what you might like.”

“Oh… Hmm… Let’s see. You guys are Philippians, right?”

“Filipinos,” Robert corrected him.

“Haha, sorry. Filipinos. So what are some of the dishes do you guys make?”

Robert thought for a bit. Most of the well known dishes require meat in them. Like Adobo, Kaldereta, Menudo, Sisig… most of them contain either beef or pork. However there IS one famous dish Filipinos love the most and the mammal meat can be replaced with fish meat.

“There’s sinigang. It’s a vegetable and fish stew that’s very savory.”

“Yum!” said Lemu. “I think that’ll do.”

“Ma!” Robert called Natalie. “We should make Sinigang.”

“Sure. I’ll have to go downtown again since I don’t think there are ingredients for that in Douglas Center. Oh and could you ask what day he’ll be visiting?”

Robert turned back to the phone. “Do you know what day you’ll be visiting, Lem?”

“I’ll be going down on Tuesday. Likely in the afternoon.”

Robert relayed that to Natalie.

“Okay, that sounds good,” Natalie said.

#

That night, after they did general cleaning inside the apartment, Robert leaned forward against the balcony railing. Looking out at the city skyline. He thought about Greg’s desire for death and how he wasn’t sure how to deal with that. Was Greg really that desperate to die? It seemed like it the way he reacted out in the forest. Flailing his arms, screaming at the horizon, sobbing uncontrollably. Did Greg attempted to kill himself in the past? That thought made the dog shiver. He didn’t like this Greg he had seen. It almost as if it was a different person, just in the body of the man he called his uncle.

I wonder how is he doing now? Robert thought. He imagined Greg having done his day’s worth of medical tests and is now in his room, watching TV or something. Robert hadn’t been inside of a bestowal center before. Natalie had told him it was similar to a nursing home. With places where they can eat together, exercise and do recreation while they wait between bestowal stages.

Robert went to his room and opened his laptop and searched up Saanich Peninsula Bestowal Center. A few results came in, showing a wide, one-floor building with a wide entrance area bathed in morning sunlight. Surrounded by trees and shrubs and even flowers. It was strange to think that, for a facility built to kill people, it didn’t look all that oppressing. If anything it only adds to the unease Robert feels.

There was ringing in the living room. He heard his mother picked the phone up. Robert turned off the laptop and glanced at the book Lemu gave him. He hadn’t read it since he and Greg left for Alert Bay. He turned to the page where folded but before he could read the part, his mother knocked and opened the door. “Hey Robert. Greg’s wondering if he could speak to you.”

Robert tail flicked as he reached out for the phone. He stuck the phone in his ear. “Hello? Greg”

“Hey kiddo, how have you been?”

Robert felt his heart ache, but he breathed in. Control yourself. “Eh, stuck in house arrest.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that from Natalie. You shouldn’t have ran after me. What if you get hit by a car?”

The last thing Robert wanted was a lecture from Greg. Robert stayed quiet.

“Anyways, Robert, I just wanted to let you know that if ever you feel lonely, I’m here to talk to you. I imagined you’ve been worrying about me. Plus it’s get a bit lonely here too.” Greg chuckled. “Although there are other bestowers here and also my caregiver, it’s still different talking to you and Natalie.”

Robert chuckled weakly. “Yeah. We look forward to visiting you after your first stage.”

“I look forward to see you too,” Greg said. “Even though it’s been only a few days, I’ve been missing you.”

Another ache on Robert’s chest. Robert inhaled deeply. “You know, Greg, about me and Lemu, you sure you don’t wanna esca–”

“Sorry, I couldn’t talk about it right now,” Greg said as his voice turned into a whisper. “And I’m set with my decision and nothing will sway me. I want you to respect that. Okay, Robert?”

Robert clenched the phone. His forehead creased. Irritation builds up inside his head as he breathed quickly. “Whatever you say, Greg. Bwisit ka.”

“Robert, I–” He hung up the phone and placed on his table. The phone rang again but instead of answering it, Robert silenced it and put it inside of his drawer. That is Greg’s punishment. Let Greg call him! Wait until he gets tired and gives up! After all, he was just like his father. There was an opportunity for him to live on and he didn’t take it, and instead chooses to cowardly runaway from the things that make him struggle! What a weakling. “Maybe you really deserve to die, Greg,” Robert mumbled grimly.

Guilt immediately consumed his chest. His breathing slowed until the situation dawned on him. Robert opened the drawer and took out his phone. He dialed Greg’s phone number. It rang and it rang. No answer. Robert waited for thirty minutes to an hour and called Greg again. Wanting to tell him how sorry he is, but he didn’t pick it up. Robert’s eyes burned as he thought about the curse he made on Greg. He took that back. Although he doesn’t believe much in superstitions, Robert knocked on wood and slapped his mouth with his paw.

Robert got out of his room to see Natalie, reading a book on the couch. “How did the phone call go?”

Robert sat down beside, leaned forward, his paws on his head, with elbows on his knees. “Terrible.”

“Aw, how come?”

“I got mad at Greg.”

“Why?”

Robert couldn’t tell why or else he’ll expose Lemu’s plan for escape. So he said, “I’m just mad that Greg is a bestower… That I’ll no longer see him again after who knows how many stages.”

Natalie put a dog ear in her book and closed it. She placed it on the table. “Are you mad because Greg wouldn’t like to go with your and Lemu’s plan?”

Robert’s eyes widened. “How did you—”

“Greg told me when you were asleep. He was worried sick about you.”

Greg? Worried sick? He could understand how Greg would be worried, but not like to the point that it bothered him so much.

Anxiety spiralled within. His heart raced. Their plan has been compromised!

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone, neither will I stop you two from trying. Though that doesn’t mean I’m not worried for the three of you. I am worrying about your future, but it is your life and you’re risking it for Greg, and that’s noble for you two to do.”

“So,” Robert said, pausing for a bit. His mother placed a paw on his paw. “You’re not mad at me?”

“For wanting to save Greg? No.”

“But–”

“Don’t think about how our life in Canada will be ruined. We’re leaving the country anyway. A deport can give us a free ticket back to the Philippines too. Saves us a lot of money. You know how stingy I can get.” Natalie laughed.

“Ma, you’re crazy.”

“I’m just lighting things up, Roberto.”

Robert laughed nervously and then frowned. His ears dropped. “Ma?”

“Yes, bunso?”

“Greg… he kinda wants to end his life… that’s why I’m angry at him.” Then he realised it wasn’t the right word. “Was angry at him.”

“Why?”

“He told me, he was sick with the world. How everything he has, the people he loves, were taken away from him. He was tired with being alone.”

“He told you that?”

Robert nodded. “How can I convince him to go with the plan?”

“I don’t think you can, Robert,” said Natalie.

Robert felt betrayed, but he calmed himself down. Giving it a bit more thought, it’s outside of Robert’s control. “What do I do then?”

Natalie put her paw on Robert’s shoulder. “Stop trying to convince him.”

“How would that help?”

“The thing is Robert, what he needs right now isn’t a plan for an escape. What he does need knowing that there are people who love him and care about him and don’t want him to die.”

Robert’s ear perched.

“I’ve noticed that with Greg, the fact the he was so caring, especially with you, was that he longed for someone also to do the same for him. Even though he doesn’t realize that.”

This is when Robert noticed the book Natalie was reading. It was a psychology book.

“It’s dealing with the root cause of his suicidal ideation,” Natalie explained. “I’m no expert but one of the things that encourage my patients to keep on living and to take care of themselves is letting them know you love and care for them.”

“What if it doesn’t work?” Robert asked.

“With a guy like Greg? I think it’ll work. Have faith, bunso.”

Robert appreciated Natalie's optimism, but this was a huge leap of faith. Natalie’s right that they have to deal with the root cause, but they also need a back up plan too. There was still more time until Greg’s second bestowal, which could be more deadlier than the first. From what he knew, the first bestowal dealt with the kidney. The second dealt with the liver.

“Anyway, let’s also discuss this with Lemu on Tuesday,” Robert said.

Natalie nodded. “Sure.”

Chapter Twelve — Let Him Go

The apartment has this sweet nostalgic aroma of home. And by home, it meant home back in Uncle Alexis’ farm in the Philippines. Natalie stirred the gurgling pot of the mouth-watering fish stew. The smell of salmon, tamarind, and vinegar filled the air.

Rain tapped on the glass sliding doors of the balcony, as the red-orange dusk sun peeked through the gaps of the dark overcast sky.

Robert sat on the couch, tucked inside a quilt, watching the news. It talked about same-sex marriage being legalized nationwide on July 20th and the update regarding the severe flooding that happened in Alberta. News turned to some clawing incidents that happened in Toronto.

Natalie told him to change the channel because the news was starting to stress her out. So Robert changed the channel to some teen sitcom about the lives of some twins named Zack and Cody. The whole room filled with laughs from the show’s fake audience.

The door rang. The door unlocked itself and opened. It was Lemu. He took out his worn-out boots.

“Hey Robert!” said the raccoon. Lemu sniffed. “Smell’s good here.”

Robert got up and told Lemu that he didn’t need to take off his shoes.

“Ma! Lemu’s here,” said Robert.

“Oh!” Natalie got out of the kitchen and smiled at Lemu. “Good evening, Lemu. My name is Natalie, Robert’s mother.” She reached out her paw and shook the raccoon's paw.

“Nice to meet you Natalie,” Lemu said as he walked into the apartment in his socks. “What a cozy apartment you guys have.”

“Thank you,” said Natalie. “Sorry if it’s a little messy.”

“No worries, I can be a little messy myself. I’m a raccoon after all.”

They laughed.

“Robert, can you set up the table?” said Natalie. “I’m almost done cooking the Sinigang.”

Robert nodded and went to set up the table.

Lemu sat down on the couch and looked at the TV. “I didn’t know you like to watch these kinds of stuff, Robert.”

“Nah,” said Robert, putting plates on the table. “I just changed that channel because of Ma. She doesn’t like the news.”

At that time, a laugh erupted from the TV from some joke that one of the characters made. Lamu chuckled too. “I miss having a TV.”

“Don’t you have a TV in your house?” asked Natalie.

“Nope, can’t afford one, sometimes I watch TV at my friend’s place, but only when hockey is on.”

“You can change the channel if you like,” Robert said. “I’m not even interested in sitcoms.”

“Are you sure about that?” said Lemu.

“Of course. You’re our guest,” Robert smiled. His tail wagged a bit.

Lemu’s nose twitched. “Awesome!” He reached out the remote from his table. Lemu asked what channel is hockey and Natalie told him the channel number.

When dinner was cooked, they all sat down together at the small dining table.

“Thanks for the dinner, both of you,” said Lemu, serving himself rice.

“No worries,” said Natalie.

Robert took each of their bowls and served each bowl with the soup.

Lemu poured his bowl of soup into his rice, and forked the salmon chopped into his plate. He cut a chunk with his spoon and scooped a bit of rice accompanying the fish and ate it. Lemu shivered, his eyes widened, and smiled. “It’s sour… but tasty!” The raccoon sipped the whole bowl. Lemu reached out to get the ladle but stopped. “Is it okay if I get more?”

Natalie and Robert laughed. Natalie lifted a paw and gestured for Lemu to get more. “Sure, go ahead!”

Lemu’s grin widened as he happily scooped a ladle of soup and poured it into his bowl. There was a glint in the raccoon’s eye. A tear was formed and absorbed by the fur of his eyelids.

“Woah, Lem, are you crying?” asked Robert.

Lemu laughed and perched his ears. He wiped his soaked eyes with his sweater. “I just never had such great food in a long time… would it be alright if you give me the recipe for this please? I’d love to recreate this back in my cottage.”

“Yes, I can write that for you,” said Natalie.

Lemu smiled. “Thank you.”

For Robert, Sinigang was a staple food back in the Philippines. So Lemu tearing up over the fish soup was kinda surprising to him.

After dinner, Lemu offered to help out with dishes. At first Robert and Natalie refused, but because Lemu kept insisting, they let him. Natalie cleaned the kitchen area while Robert wiped the table.

As Lemu was busily washing the dishes. Robert and Natalie sat down on the couch.

“When are we going to tell him?” asked Natalie in Tagalog.

“Leave it up to me,” Robert said also in Tagalog.

Natalie furrowed her brows and nodded.

When Lemu finished, he sat down with them.

“Lemu?” said Robert.

“Yeah?”

Robert’s heart beat faster, his ears flattened. “There’s something I needed to tell you.”

The raccoon raised his eyebrows. “What is it?”

“Greg told my mother about our plan.”

Lemu’s eyes grew wide, his body stiffened as he turned to Natalie.

“Don’t worry!” said Natalie, in a panic. “I won’t tell anyone of it. In fact, I wanted to help out too.”

Lemu sighed with relief as he sunk into the couch. “I thought we’re done for!” He stared at the TV, watching a hockey player hit the puck towards the net. The audience cheered as the commentator mentioned how many points that team got so far.

Lemu reached for the remote and turned off the TV. He sighed. He turned to Robert. “What are we going to do? With Greg’s… you know. How do we convince him to come with us?”

This is where Robert told Lemu about Natalie’s suggestion about not convincing Greg, but to make him see that life’s still worth living. However Robert let Natalie know that there should be a back up plan in case Greg went rogue and hurted himself.

Lemu nodded. “That sounds good to me… It seems I was so focused on Greg’s survival that I kinda forget about how he actually feels about his life. Looking back now, there were signs that seemed to indicate that he was depressed.” He leaned forward and put his paws on his head. He sighed. “I should’ve been a better friend to him...”

“Same here too,” Robert said, thinking about the time he pushed Greg away back at Alert Bay, the time he cut out Greg on the phone, and the revulsion he felt when he asked if Robert wanted a hug back in Strathcona.

“Well,” Natalie said. “There’s still hope for change, his first bestowal is on July 16th. We can start visiting him from that day onwards. He wouldn’t be allowed to go outside until a month later though. So that he can be healed up.”

Lemu nodded. “I guess I’ll have to move Greg’s escape in August then.”

“We should schedule the escape after we’ve done a few outings with Greg to ease suspicion,” said Natalie. “Greg would likely be accompanied by his caregiver at all times, our risk of getting caught would heighten.”

“Yeah, you seem to know more of what happens in bestower centers than me, Natalie. I haven’t even considered that. It sounds like we’ll have to find a way to prevent Greg’s caregiver from stopping us.”

“What if you become Greg’s caregiver?” Robert asked Natalie.

Lemu turned to Natalie. “You’re a caregiver?”

Natalie nodded. “Yes, I’m a caregiver. I recently quit working for bestowal centers though. I applied to a nursing home yesterday. But I can resign and apply at Greg’s center.”

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” asked Lemu. “Helping us, I mean. It is risky, you know? The three of us might go to jail, and you two might get deported.”

“Yeah, we could get deported, but if this is about saving Greg’s life, I wanted to help him out. He helped the two of us when we were struggling in our first years in Canada. It would be unfair for him if we don’t do the same for him back.”

Lemu smiled. “Alrighty then. Now that’s left is the back up. What if Greg still wants to end his life?”

“That would be tricky,” said Robert.

They spend the next several minutes in silence. Apparently they didn’t know how they would respond.

“What did you tell me, Robert?” said Natalie. “That Greg wanted to end his life because he kept losing people?”

Robert nodded. “Yes, at least that’s how he seemed to be saying.”

Lemu’s brow furrowed, he fidgeted his paws. He shifted his seat and straightened his posture. “This may not be the best plan, and I might have to ask the underground movement about it, but what if we all disappeared with Greg?”

Both of the dogs perked their ears.

“You mean, come with him to the North?” asked Robert.

“Yes… that way, he doesn’t have to lose anyone.”

“The north?” asked Natalie.

Lemu explained how there were small spread-out communities in the north of Canada inhabited by runaway bestowers. He mentioned how rough the weather was and how little food there was over there.

“I don’t think I’d go,” said Natalie. “It isn’t like I don’t want to be with Greg, but I have a family back in the Philippines… And I’m not sure I want to let Robert go there too, it sounded like it could be dangerous. Out there in the wilderness”

Robert wanted to go, but he didn’t want to leave Natalie behind. He was her only pup. She needed Robert, even though Natalie never said so herself. His mother already suffered a heart break when his father left him. How would Natalie bear another heartbreak if Robert left her? However at the same time he didn’t want to leave Greg behind, not because he thinks Greg needs him since he would have Lemu by his side, but because… because… Robert sighed. It was because he was the dad he never had.

“I understand,” said Lemu. “I guess both of you guys could stay and yeah it may be risky to smuggle four ‘cargoes’ at the same time.”

Natalie and Robert both nodded.

“Anyways, who knows, plans may change. Whether or not they allow me to come with Greg, I think he does need to, at some point, learn to deal with the pain. That not everyone will stay by his side, that people disappoint. I’ve learned that myself, the hard way.” Lemu’s voice went hoarse on the last few words. He then had a coughing fit. “Sorry. I blame my smoking addiction for that. I’m trying to quit.”

Robert got up. “I’ll get some water.” He walked towards the kitchen and went back, offering Lemu a mug of water.

“So yeah, I guess for now, this will be our plan,” said Lemu.

“I’ll try going to the nursing home tomorrow to resign then apply in Saanich,” said Natalie.

“Sounds good,” said Lemu.

And for Robert, he has to let go of his reserved anxious avoidant personality. This will be his last chance to make things right with the kangaroo. Robert made a promise to himself that he would smash his pride, his fear, and his past, but even with that, he doubted he would be able to do that.

From there, talks shifted away from plans to save Greg and into conversation about what they would do during Greg’s recovery period. Lemu suggested that they play some of Greg’s favorite tabletop games, like D&D and Monopoly, Robert suggested renting some movies Greg would like and watch them on his laptop, Natalie planned to make a photo album containing the four of them, a keepsake for when he gets shipped off to the north and personal letters that he could read over and over again if ever he feels lonely.

Conversation then shifted to the memories they had with Greg. Lemu recalled a time when he and Greg attempted to walk the Appalachian trail in America.

“Woah, how did that go?” asked Robert.

Lemu laughed. “We almost died! Just kidding. It was okay, very tiring, we gave up a quarter way into the trail. I had loads of those pictures during that time of our lives. I could give it to you, Natalie, for Greg’s album.”

“I remember the time when Greg almost took me to the hospital,” said Robert.

Lemu raised an eyebrow, while Natalie smiled widely, trying her best not to spoil why that was.

“I told him I got nosebleed when I spoke in English, but little did he know that what I said was just a Filipino slang term for the tension Filipinos get when some foreigner speaks to them in English.”

Lemu laughed.

Robert and Natalie laughed too.

“I’ll add that to my list of slang,” said Lemu when his laughing died down. “I’m ‘nosebleeding.’”

They laughed again.

They continued talking, this time about themselves, getting to know each other until an hour away from curfew

“Oh shoot, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stay here this late.”

“It’s alright,” said Natalie. “If you want you can stay here for the night. I think there are no buses by this time around, if there are it would be kinda dangerous staying up waiting for a bus outside.”

Lemu scratched the back of his head. “I guess so, would it be alright for the both of you?”

Robert wagged his tail. “More than alright.”

“You can take Robert’s bed, Robert can sleep in the couch.”

Lemu’s ears flattened. “Oh no, I didn’t mean to–”

“It’s fine, Lem,” said Robert. “I sometimes prefer the couch anyway.”

The raccoon smiled. “Alright then. Thank you, both of you, again.”

#

In the next four weeks leading up to Greg’s first bestowal, Robert prayed that Greg would survive the first stage of bestowal. He found himself reading articles about bestowers who had survived the first stage. Robert felt comforted reading those articles.

Natalie had resigned from the nursing home and applied for Saanich Bestower Center. She wouldn’t be able to be Greg’s caregiver however, not unless his current caregiver steps down. Perhaps once Greg wanted to escape, he could request Natalie as his caregiver.

Lemu visited the Hidalgos during the whole time he’s at Victoria but had to go back to Telegraph Cove in the middle of his stay to fetch the photos.

Robert had tried contacting Greg, but he wasn’t picking it up. Robert worried Greg might’ve still been upset at him, or perhaps he was busy with preparing for his first stage. Robert tried to calm down and give it time. He perhaps needed some space.

While waiting for his house arrest to end, Robert spent his time working on the photo album. He cut out pictures and designed it with doodles and stickers Natalie bought at a local bookstore. The whole table was littered with strings, pieces of paper, tape and pens.

“Have you figured out what your letter will be for Greg?” said Natalie after she invited Lemu over on the phone for dinner.

Robert shook his head as he cut a photo of Lemu and Greg in their high school days. “Not yet.” Robert put double sided tape behind the photo and placed it on the page. “I just find it hard to express how I feel to him for some reason.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I wanted to let him know how much he meant to me, but I often get reminded of ‘something’ whenever I do.”

“And what is that ‘something’?”

Robert sighed. It was a strain to say it. After a few minutes, he took a deep breath and said, “I keep remembering my dad.”

Natalie looked down at the floor. “Does Greg remind you of Jan?”

Robert flattened his snout and nodded. “It was like my brain was telling me that Greg was like dad, which made me cautious around him. He hugged me at one time during the road trip, I pushed him away. I regret doing that, truth is, I wanted that hug, but another part of me didn’t want to. I know it’s confusing, it is confusing.”

Natalie nodded. “But Greg isn’t like Jan, you know that, don’t you?”

“Yes, except for one thing, he will leave me.”

Natalie clasped her paws and fidgeted her fingers. She thought for a moment and then spoke. “You know, Robert, people come and go. It is like public transport. You board a bus, meet some people, during the journey, some people reach their stops and have to go. Nobody can stay with you forever. As for me, I will try to be there for you, always, but one day I will die. Or, you will leave me to have a family of your own.”

Robert looked down and nodded. He knew that fact of life. Natalie didn’t have to say it, but he did need to hear it, even though he didn’t like it. Maybe this was what Greg felt when everybody he had were taken away from him.

“But, there are people you will meet. While you are with them, make the most of your time with them, don’t be afraid to open yourself up. But when it is time for them to go or for you to go, you have to let go, or else you aren’t really loving that person.”

Robert nodded. “Yeah… I know it is selfish of me to want that.”

“I don’t think it’s inherently selfish to want people to stay with you. It’s in our nature to want to be accompanied. I think it only becomes selfish if you let that want prevent people from doing what they want. If you truly love the person, you’ll love them regardless of whether they want to stay with you or not.”

Robert nodded again. “I see.” He looked up to Natalie and smiled. “Thanks, Ma.”

Natalie opened her arms. “No worries, bunso.” Robert reached out to hug her.

They let go.

Natalie got up. “I’m gonna cook dinner now. Lemu said he’s coming. Keep up with the good work.”

Robert nodded and went back to cutting pictures.

Chapter Thirteen — The Sharp Knife of a Short Life

Weeks passed. The police came by the apartment in the early morning on July 18th. One of the hound police took off Robert’s house arrest shock collar and gave back his original one. “There. Hopefully you learned your lesson, kid.” The hound smiled.

Robert grinned. Finally, he’s free!

“Thank you officer,” said Natalie, shaking his paw.

“No problem.” The hound put his paws on his waist and huffed. “Alright then.” He turned to his partner. “C’mon Rod, let’s head back.” They got out the door, waved back at the Hidalgos and shut the door.

“Okay, let’s get ready then,” said Natalie.

Today was the day they would visit Greg. Robert was nervous of seeing the kangaroo again after such a long time.

They took a bus to Douglas Saint, and then walked a few blocks north towards the center. They were met by the cool chill of the air conditioner as they pushed the double door glass entrance. The door beeped.

“Lemu said he will come in the afternoon,” said Natalie. “He will look for some movies to rent, you can ask Greg what movies he’d like to watch and then you can call Lemu for those.”

Robert nodded. “Alright.”

They walked a long hallway. Some doors were closed shut, some were open. He took a peek at one of the opened doors to see a horse on the bed, he was playing chess with a beaver that sat beside him.

At the end of the hallway was a large area, a kind of lounge where bestowers hung around. There was a service station where people could eat and drink. There were a few tables and chairs. Some bestowers were reading, some of them were playing board games, some were talking while having coffees. Everything looked so normal. Robert shivered. They didn’t even care that they were going to die.

They turned to another hallway and Natalie stopped after two doors on the right in a room that marked "102 ". Natalie gave the door a little knock and then opened the door.

Colder air from the room enveloped Robert, his fur bristled. Greg laid there, with the bed elevated so that he could sit up without difficulty. He opened his eyes and smiled widely. “Hey guys.”

“Hello,” said Natalie.

Robert closed the door and timidly walked into the room.

“How was your first stage?” said Natalie as she sat down on one of the chairs, Robert leaned against the wall. Trying to be casual, but his body was stiff. Wondering if Greg was upset with him or not.

“It went well,” said Greg. “It was painful. I wasn’t able to sleep last night due to the cut. But now the pain has eased, now that I’m on painkillers. I can’t laugh or cough because of the pressure. Kinda annoying really. So please, don’t make me laugh.”

Natalie smiled. “No worries. We won’t.” Natalie looked back at Robert and Robert smiled at her. His eyes turned to Greg’s and Greg smiled even more.

“How’s it going, kiddo?”

“Fine,” Robert said. Not knowing what to say.

Greg nodded. “Sorry I haven’t been answering, I got really busy prepping for my first stage. They made me do a lot of exercise and testing. It may not be obvious but I loosened up some gut here.” He squeezed his stomach with both paws.

Robert let out an awkward laugh.

Natalie checked her watch. “Anyways, I need to get going now, I have to take care of my patient today.” Natalie got up.

“Okay, see you Natalie,” said Greg.

“See you, Greg.” She opened the door and went out and closed it.

Greg turned to Robert. “Do you want to watch TV?”

Robert shook his head. “It’s alright. I actually brought my laptop with me so that we can watch movies you like. Lemu will also be here later this afternoon to bring some from Blockbuster.”

“Oh.” Greg’s ear twitched. Greg narrowed his eyes. “You guy’s aren’t going to convince me again, are you?”

“Well, no, I mean, you are you and I imagine no matter what I say, you’ll always make decisions your way.”

Greg nodded. “Thank you, kid.”

Robert smiled and frowned. There was a moment of silence between them as Greg spaced out. This was when Robert realised the humming of the air conditioner was loud. The whole room lit up with a yellow hue as sunlight suddenly shone on the tiled floor. Robert turned to look at the window. Trees gently swayed outside, so did the bushes and flowers.

“Why don’t you watch TV?” asked Robert.

“Eh, too much news. I also didn’t like game shows. There are only a few channels here.”

“I see,” Robert said. He looked down on his paws and fidgeted them. “Hey Tito?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for getting mad at you the last time we talked.”

Greg smiled gently. “That’s nothing to me, I understand how frustrated you were.”

“I shouldn’t have called you ‘annoying’.”

Greg chuckled a bit. “So THAT was what you said in Tagalog. I thought you called me something like an asshole.”

Robert leaned back from his chair. “No I didn’t!”

Greg laughed but it was short lived as he said, “Ouch, ouch, ouch.” touching the left side of his back.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have–”

“No, no, it’s my fault. God, I wish I could stop cracking jokes.”

Robert felt tempted to laugh but he bit his lip to prevent him to. “Tito Greg?”

“Yeah?”

Robert fidgeted his paws even more. Tension built up within his chest. Robert breathed in. “About what happened at Alert Bay, I want to let you know that I’m sorry for pushing you away…”

“Aw, kid. That’s nothing to me,” Greg chuckled, but his chuckle sounded hollow.

“No, I don’t just mean literally pushing you away, like I’m talking about distancing myself from you.”

Greg tilted his head and raised a brow. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. When I told you not to call me your son and to not hug me… saying that the idea of you being my dad is… weird.”

“Oh, I see,” Greg nodded. “I didn’t take that much to heart.” Greg smiled.

“You didn’t? You seemed very upset after I told you that. Please, don’t lie to me Greg.”

Robert expected Greg to be on the defensive, but Greg was speechless. He looked away, clutched his blanket. “It did kinda hurt…”

“Kinda? It seems that I’ve hurt you a lot.”

Greg nodded. “Yeah, it did hurt me a bunch, Robert. But I don’t want to force you to think of me that way. And if you don’t want us to think of ourselves as a father and son, I completely understand.”

“But the truth is that I DO want to be your son, and I want you to be my…” There goes that word again. His eyes burned, tears built up, blurring his vision. Robert wiped his eyes.

“Dad?” said Greg.

“Yeah,” Robert let out a laugh, not because there was something funny about it, but because he was overwhelmed. “I want you to be my dad. You are my dad.”

“Then why did you push me away?” Greg said, sympathetically. It could’ve sounded condescending if it weren't for his soft tone.

“I–- it’s, oh fuck, it’s complicated.”

“It’s alright, take your time… There’s bottled water and biscuits in the fridge if you like.”

Robert chuckled as he was wiping his tears while they were still flowing. “Why the heck would you put biscuits in the fridge, Greg? They’ll get hard to eat.”

Greg chuckled and said, “Ouch, my back. Agh. Well, my caregiver probably put it there for when I’m hungry.”

Robert took out a bottle of water and a packet of “Symbite Oats” biscuits, which featured a smiling sheep wearing an old-fashioned green cap and suit.

Robert offered Greg some, Greg took one.

“So yeah,” Robert began, “about why I pushed you away. You just reminded me of my biological father.”

“Jan, right?”

Robert nodded. “As you know, I was pretty close with him, and then he left, and that created a gap in my life kinda… We’re close, but at the same time I was cautious. Not because I don’t like you or anything, but I guess I'm just afraid of getting too attached and then suffering the pain of losing someone all over again… Does that make sense?”

“I think that makes sense,” Greg said, nodding. “I wish I could say I wouldn’t leave you, that we could always be together, but it isn’t realistic, is it?”

Robert shook his head. “No, it isn’t.” His eyes burned again but this time he let his tears flowed and be absorbed by the fur around his eyes. “That’s why I wish you could go along with our plan… but like I’ve said, I’m not here to convince you, no not anymore. I just hoped that if you lived, there’s a chance we could meet each other again. If you are bestowed, there’s NO chance of us ever meeting again.”

“Don’t you believe in an afterlife?” Greg asked, smiling a bit, apparently trying to lighten things up.

“I do, but I don’t want to wait a whole lifetime just to meet you there, plus what if the afterlife doesn’t exist?”

Greg frowned. He leaned forward to pat Robert’s back. “Then, let’s make the most of our little time together. How about that? If you're so agnostic about this afterlife thing?”

Robert chuckled. “You calling me an Agnostic?”

Greg nodded. “If you’re not careful you’ll probably become an Atheist.”

Robert laughed. “Nah, I won’t.”

Greg chuckled softly.

“So,” Robert said. “Are we cool now… dad?”

Greg smiled so wide, he had never seen him smiling like that before. “Yes, I think we’re cool now… son.” Greg stretched out his arms.

“Uhm, wouldn’t it hurt?”

“I can take in the pain.”

Robert wagged his tail as he wrapped his arms around the kangaroo as softly as he could. Greg’s embrace tightened that it almost hurts.

“I love you, kiddo,” said Greg

Robert’s heart warmed up, his tail wagged harder. “I love you too, dad.”

The memory of Jan hugging Robert came back. So did the fight between them and his mother shouting profanity at her father. Robert struggled to put it out of his mind. He focused instead on remembering the good times. When they first met Greg when they moved into the apartment complex. The times they hung out, cooked together during birthdays or Christmases. The times they fought and reconciled. Yes, Greg will leave him, like Jan did, whether it be by bestowal or by escape into the northern wilderness. But it wasn’t like Greg wanted to in the first place. Whether or not he ends up being bestowed or shipped off the northernmost points of Canada, for now, while Greg’s future was still uncertain, he, Lemu, and Natalie would try to be here with Greg for one last time. Whether or not the afterlife exists, by the time Greg would die, all of his memories with them would flash like a blink of an eye, and would be the only thing he remembers.

“Robert?” asked Greg.

“Yeah?”

“Life’s good, isn’t it?”

Robert pulled away from him and smiled widely. “It sure is.” Robert looked out of the window, at the clear blue sky. “Yes, it is.”

THE END