Defeated
Prologue:
"Yep, he's dead alright. Did you hear the rumors about him? About how he supposedly gave away grades in exchange for money and sex?," said a student.
"Oh, it was that teacher. Yeah, I heard he even paid other people to keep quiet about it. Then again, they're just rumors. I don't believe any of it to be honest. Just because he acts a little shady and on edge doesn't make him a criminal." Said another student.
Rachel could hear the other students talking about the death of her journalism professor. It was the one she bargained with for her 'A' grade in Journalism. She couldn't complete the class, since the death occurred during the same semester she was taking it. She made a sigh of relief, as she knew that she wouldn't have to worry about him snitching on her now that he was gone. At the same time, she couldn't just ignore the fact that she even attempted to cheat her way into getting an 'A' grade. However, she hardly cared. She hated journalism anyways, and hardly felt any guilt for her misdeeds. She felt it was worth it anyways. At least the sex was enjoyable.
As Rachel began to walk home, she saw a few students stare daggers at her as they walked past. She didn't care, as it was their problem for not liking her.
"They are just jealous," she thought. "They only wish they had my looks and my success. What need do I have for their approval? All the guys treasure me."
When she got home, a coldness washed over her. She felt this every time she got home. She knew what it came from. It was the contempt from her roommates, because of what she did to Tommy, her ex boyfriend. She always got rather embarrassed whenever she was around them. She couldn't even go into the same room as them without cringing and looking the other direction. The only people she could not stand up to were her own roommates. If she said anything or even came into view, she knew they would find some reason to indirectly chastise her for her failure against Lucy. They rarely ever did it, but it stung more than anything. Luckily, Lucy was no longer here, and had moved out to live with Tommy. She was grateful that she wouldn't have to see her face again.
After Lucy effectively 'stole' her boyfriend, as she would view it, she could not come out of her bedroom without fear of embarrassment and mockery... unless of course she really had to.
She had to move out.
Chapter 1 - Defeated:
Jessica, Beth, and Amy chatted around the television as Rachel stayed in her room. She lied on her bed whilst immersed in her biology book. She didn't have a need for friends, as long as she could bargain for whatever she wants. However, she wouldn't dare bargain for another grade again. Despite all of her bad decisions, she all of a sudden felt as though a part of her slate had been wiped clean, and it actually felt good in a way. She had a chance to actually earn her grades.
"I could at least afford to make sure I do well in school," Rachel thought to herself. "I never thought I would actually care about that, but I at least want to be successful in life. I guess it makes a good distraction from all the drama."
But of course, distractions are only temporary. Rachel could still hear the roommates chatting in the living room. She could hear them laughing and having a good time. They had ordered pizza and drinks, like they did every few weeks, and they gathered around the television to enjoy the little time off they had to spend. She knew they wouldn't let her join in with them. She never earned their respect. For some reason, she began to feel a bit lonely. No, she doesn't need them. She is independent. And besides, she can find other people to live with if she wants to, once she finds another group of people to room with. Sadly, not a lot of people start rooming around mid-semester.
Rachel decided to wash her hands in the bathroom after she ate her dinner in her bedroom. She looked back in the mirror and stared for a few moments. She looked to see her own face looking back at her. Despite her good looks, she could see that it was all just a mask to hide her true self. She looked closely in the mirror at herself, thinking about how everyone else saw her. She saw a selfish and horrible individual, with no emotion or empathy staring back at her. She couldn't help but admit that she felt a bit melancholy looking back at herself, but she ignored it and walked back to her bedroom. She would never admit to her faults.
"I'm a good person," Rachel thought to herself. "It's just that the world deals me a bad hand. A woman like me needs to be satisfied. I worked hard for these looks. Tommy never lifted any weights. He didn't even try to please me with his looks. I could have had fun on the side while still being married to Tommy. This is all Lucy's fault for stealing Tommy away from me! I deserve better!"
It was 7:00pm, and around this time Rachel usually goes out the front to smoke. Rachel got out of bed, got out of her room, and made her way down the hallway. She headed for the front door, and went out and sat down on the sidewalk. It was cold and cloudy outside. It almost seemed like it was about to rain. The wind was faint, and the sun had almost set. She couldn't hear her roommates chatting, which was a relief to her. She lit a cig and stared out at the other end of the street.
She knew smoking was bad for her health, but she did it anyways. She didn't always like to make good decisions, and always felt as though she could rough it in the end once the consequences caught up to her. If she could help it, she would try to avoid the consequences all together, and still get away with it. That is how she operates. How else would she achieve all that she has now?
All the other girls looked up to Rachel back in High School, like she was some sort of demigod, or at least that is how she saw it. Being in college now, she wishes she could be back with all her friends. However, fate is cruel. She wishes she could find others that share her interests. She even tried to help 'convert' Lucy at one time to her methods of having 'fun', but it never worked. But she doesn't care. Friends can become competition. Why would she need more of that? But then again, she just couldn't ignore the fact that she did want someone to share her experiences with.
She decided to eavesdrop on her roommates a little out of boredom. She walked around the back of the house to reach the window that looked into the living room. Being a rabbit with excellent hearing, she was able to hear the conversation easily even without pressing her ear against the wall. But then, a massive wave of anxiety hit her moments after she began listening into their conversation.
She wasn't expecting them to be talking about her.
"She's only lucky she dodged that bullet. But I suppose that won't stop her from screwing the other teachers for grades," Beth said to the others.
"Well, who knows? Maybe she will change her mind. We all learn from our bad decisions at some point," Said Jessica.
"As if. She can barely learn how to factor I bet, but at least she is good at cheating. If they had a class for that, she'd pass with flying colors. She sure proved herself cheating on her ex boyfriend!" Beth exclaimed.
"Yeah, I feel sorry for Tommy, having to be neglected by that witch. He deserved better. I'm just glad he has someone he can rely on now," Said Amy.
"Yeah, I guess you're right Beth. Once a cheater always a cheater," Said Jessica, looking down at her half eaten pizza.
"Wouldn't it be nicer, if she just like, left? Or better yet just disappeared off the planet all together? Nobody would miss her. I know I wouldn't," Sneered Beth.
Rachel started to flare up and felt a mixture of rage and sadness mixed together. She closed her eyes tightly and a frown made its way onto her face. She almost had the same feeling when she realized Lucy had sucked off her ex boyfriend. She had hoped she would never have to feel this way again. Unfortunately, it had come back to strike her. She wanted to jump through the window and punch their lights out.
Jessica looked over at Beth with a surprised look on her face. "Gee, that's a little harsh Beth. I know you are still angry about her making fun of your looks, but.."
"Get real Jessica! Rachel has been a thorn in our side ever since the first few weeks after she moved in with us. Sure she was a bit friendly at first, but familiarity breeds contempt, and we are all too familiar with her already." Amy retorted.
"Yeah, I suppose she was kinda nasty," Jessica mumbled.
"Nasty? That's an understatement. I honestly cannot think of a word bad enough that could describe her," Said Beth.
"Ooh! Ooh! How about, deranged slutnugget? Or Darth Vaginator?" Amy chuckled.
Everyone in the room laughed.
"Aww c'mon Amy, why the slut shaming? There's nothing wrong with having sex if it doesn't hurt anybody." Jessica replied.
"True. But the difference is, she's not just a slut, she's a dirty filthy slut who spreads STD's and negative energy around like a filthy mop everywhere she goes." Beth laughed.
"It really is no wonder she doesn't have any friends. Who'd want to be friends with her? Especially since all she does is cheat her way through life and use other people. The world would be better off without people like her." Amy scoffed.
Rachel had snapped. She couldn't believe this, but a part of her was saying that she actually deserved this. Of course, she usually outright denies these sort of things, but for once she was actually admitting this to herself. She felt horrible. She felt like she wasn't worthy of any respect from anyone. Her anger slowly started to turn into grief.
A few minutes passed until she couldn't take any more of it. For the first time in years, she could feel tears rolling down her cheeks, and her teeth clenched tightly as she resisted the urge to let her feelings loose. She slowly got down on the ground, sitting on the cold hard concrete. She gripped her cig tightly and inhaled strongly. As it started to rain, she could feel her body quivering.
She could hear them laughing, and cheering. They continued to make up insult after insult. Even Jessica started adding some insults into the conversation. Rachel's throat was killing her. Her ego and everything she was proud of was being torn to shreds. She was about to cave into the sorrow, but she couldn't let them hear her, so she got up and ran back into the house. She opened the door, and rushed into her bedroom. She fell onto her bed, gripping her pillow.
"It's all true. I'm nothing. I'm worth nothing. What have I done?" she sobbed. "This is all my fault, and there is nothing I can do about it. I would just make things worse, because that's the only thing I'm good at. I have done so many terrible things. I don't deserve any friends."
As she cried herself to sleep, she realized that she had never felt so lonely. She had no friends to think of that would cheer her up. She didn't know what to do. She had never experienced guilt like this before. She had to find a way to turn all of this around.