FSE

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formerly SoFurry search engine

It's done. Kyle sighed as his head rest upon the steering wheel. The only thing left to do now was wait. The vulpine had no clue how long it would take, though at the rate things were going he would only have minutes left. He shivered slightly, his hindpaws touching softly upon the frigid waters seeping slowly into the floorboard. It would soon fill to the top. His air supply gone, he would only need to wait and try not to panic as his lungs fill and his consciousness fades. His ears twitched slightly. Of course he was scared. How the hell could he not be? Yet, he was not sure what he was truly afraid of. Nothing remained here for the young fox. Mike hated him, his mother was dead, his father had given up, nothing else really mattered. He just hoped they would find the note left on the dresser. "Please let them find it....

Kyle awoke with a pounding pain between his eyes. His stomach tossed and it took all he could muster not to wretch immediately. The fox ran into his bathroom, almost making it too late as the contents of his stomach violently exited his maw. Another day, another hangover... He thought with no small sense of self-loathing. It hurt, every muscle in his body ached. Why did he keep doing this to himself?

He picked himself slowly off the floor and made his way into the shower. The shock of the cold water was a rush, an uncomfortable one seeing as it only made the pounding in his head worse. He was finally able to relax as the water began to warm. The vulpine sighed as the steam rose around his slender frame. The pain somewhat decreased, allowing thoughts and memories to flood his mind. Things had been this way for the past year. After his mom died, it was as if his father had just given up on life. Weren't parents supposed to continue on for their children's sake? No... not his dad. In fact, Kyle had quickly learned where he stood when it came to his old man. A mistake, a curse which kept his parents from finding true happiness. It was certainly a blow to the young fox's psyche. Even if his dad was raving drunk at the time, and had apologized profusely later, it still lingered on like a thorn stuck deep in his paw. A thorn the size of an oak, that is. Kyle hurriedly bathed and dressed for class. Community college certainly sucked but that didn't mean tardiness was acceptable. It was the one thing his mother had always preached about, being on time. It was one small way to honor her memory.

He opened his bedroom door and almost jumped out of his skin. "Geez man, you look like shit! I mean, you don't actually look bad, quite the opposite in fact, but you look like you feel like shit. I should probably shut my... Kyle?" The fox had already turned to walk away from the dumbstruck wolf. Why Mike insisted on coming inside every morning was beyond his understanding. The canine was just his ride, though they had been friends since childhood. Mike was one of those furs that just seemed to fit in with every group. He never seemed to meet a stranger and was always playing the nice guy. Kyle despised that about him, even if it was adorable.

Kyle glanced back, "You coming?" Mike smiled and quickly moved to catch up. The gray wolf using his tall legs to easily close the gap.

"Loving the new tail colors, buddy. I had no idea you could make them shift like that." Mike took way too much interest in Kyle's style choices. The fox had been born with your average coloration for a red fox. It only made sense for him to try and set himself apart in some way. The fox was slender, his coat glossy and red with white extending from his lower jaw down his stomach. His hair was a tad unique, being pure white instead of the usual black. He kept it mid-length to frame his feminine face. His tail, tipped in black, had been altered with different colors added at differing depths. It gave an interesting effect depending on the movements of his tail. It was that kind of uniqueness which allowed him to set himself apart as an individual. Too bad it didn't help him feel any less alone.

"Thanks. You get your homework done last night? Or were you too busy fucking around with Jen again?"

"Hey, language. For your information I got everything done. I uh... didn't really get to talk to Jen that much yesterday." His voice was obviously troubled.

"You two on the rocks again? The whole perfect couple thing isn't so easy is it?" Kyle grimaced. Why did he feel the need to be so mean to the only fur who even tried to talk to him?

"I guess... I just don't know. I like her and all, but I don't really think she's the one."

"Well, good luck with that, man." Why does he always bring this up? Kyle sighed and climbed into the passenger seat of Mike's car. "I'm sure she will be a perfect mate. I mean, she's smart, funny, pretty for a girl. What more could you ask for? Kyle thought he heard Mike say something, though he wasn't really paying attention. All of this was so tedious. He really needed his own damn car.

Class that day seemed to drone on. Kyle gave a half-hearted attempt at paying attention made more difficult by the two furs seated beside him. The two were muttering something about a party at Mike's place that evening. Had the wolf even mentioned it to him? He seemed to recall something he had agreed to go to tonight. "You going, Kyle? I got some great shit for you to try."

Kyle looked over at the badger grinning to his right. "You know I'm not into drugs, Kay." The badger chuckled softly, stretching his forepaw into his bag and revealing a large blue bottle.

"No, man. This is right up your alley. Got it shipped from Europe. Don't ask me how tough it was to get, though. Just trust me that it's going to get you fucked up tonight. Like nothing you've ever had. Kyle was intrigued. He could use another night of forgetting.

"Sounds good. This better be some good stuff, though. You know I'm not the party type."

"Trust me man." Kay leaned back in his chair, grinning for the rest of the lecture.

The day seemed to drag on leading up to Mike's party. Kyle was still unsure if he even wanted to go, but Mike had seemed so excited when he heard the fox was attending. If Kyle only had someone like Mike to hold him, maybe he could stop feeling so alone for a time. If only Mike would hold him... He shook the thought out of his head, ears laid back in disgust that the thought had even occurred. Mike wasn't interested in him. He was just a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. It was a silly thought he had ever since he could remember, even before he realized any sexual attraction to other males. He hadn't started out with a disdain for females, he just did not find them appealing in that sense. No, that disdain had come from the numerous times he found himself tormented at the hands of the girls in high school. The numerous times he had to pick trash out of his hair, or found his locker full of rotting fish. He never really had any female friends, or any real male friends other than Mike. It was only natural that he would have some sort of attraction to the wolf, right? It didn't help that Mike was somewhat athletic, with a body that suggested working out was a lifestyle more than to achieve some goal or for sports. He shook his head again, growling. "I've got to get him out of my head. I really need that drink."

The party that night was packed. Kyle was well over his tolerance limit on interactions and quickly made his way to the upstairs game room where Kay and some others were holed up taking shots. "Dude, you made it! Guys, this little number is Kyle. He may look small but he can drink us all under the table, right pal?"

Kyle raised an eyebrow, "Since when are we friends?" The rest of the group howled with laughter. Kay stuck his tongue out before pouring a glass from the blue container he had revealed earlier. Passing the glass to Kyle, the badger winked and nudged the Dalmatian sitting beside him. The canine had an uncomfortable way of staring, but Kyle wasn't worried. These guys were usually harmless unless you messed with their weed. Luckily, Kyle had no interest in that. He was all about the liquor.

The fox took a small taste. It was tart, yet sweet. The tang on the back end give a mesmerizing effect that left his mouth watering. "I can't even taste the alcohol."

Kay grinned. "Thus, why it's so dangerous. Sneaks up on you. Keep drinking, I've got three bottles to empty."

Kyle did keep drinking. It wasn't until he downed his third that his inebriation hit. His head began to spin and the giggles had set in. How he hated when he got the giggles. Kay smiled as he stood up and walked to the door. Closing it, he gestured to some others playing video games and the two turned to watch as they began taking shots. Kyle hadn't even noticed when Kay had sat beside him, or when the badger had unzipped his fly. His paw gently stroked the length as he eyed Kyle. "Wanna help a guy out, buddy? I know you are probably starved for some attention." Kyle shook his head, making the room spin a bit more. He attempted to push away but found himself too drunk to do so. He watched as Kay stood, a bit shaky from his own intoxication, and pressed his cock against the fox's cheek. "Come on man. I really need to nut and you are such a hottie, even if you are a guy. Give it a lick. I won't force ya, but you'll regret it if you don't."

Kyle wasn't sure why, but he did take a soft lick causing Kay to moan loudly. The vulpine was so pent up, and this was right in front of him. Why not give in? The thought of Mike made his stomach turn. "I don't... I don't want to...Just.. Lemme go home..." His slurred speech made the others laugh. Kay grimaced.

"Whatever man. Your loss." He sat down and poured another glass of the liquor. The least you can do is help us finish this. Kyle nodded, took a few more drinks, and lost the rest of the night.

The fox woke to another pounding headache. Mike was sitting next to him on a bed. The wolf looked angry. "Mike...the fuck happened last night?"

"You really don't remember? How convenient." His anger, no this was disappointment, was palpable. "Let me fill in the gaps. You got drunk on some kind of liquor Kay and his pals brought. Apparently at some point you decided it would be fun to suck Kay off as thanks. So you did, along with the rest of his friends. They even got pics and a nice little video of it. I walked in on the last bit as you were passing out. The fuck were you thinking, Kyle?! You realize what this is going to do to your reputation?" Mike was almost in tears, so of course Kyle was on the brink himself.

"I... I didn't know. I never would have had I been in my right mind..."

"Seriously?! You're a freaking drunk, when are you ever in your right mind? I just.. I... am so stupid." His tears ran freely now. Kyle placed a paw on his friend's shoulder but Mike only shrugged it off. "I broke up with Jen."

"What? Why would you do that?" Kyle had known that Mike was uncertain, but he had thought it was just the wolf's usual uncertainty about everything.

"I did it for you, Kyle. All this time, all these years I've wanted to tell you. I didn't because I was scared it would ruin our friendship or that you would reject me. I finally made up my mind that no matter what, whether you felt the same or not I would be there for you. I watched you spiraling after your mom passed and I couldn't bear the thought of not being able to hold you, to lift you back up. I was going to tell you, but then you go and do something like this. Something I thought you were above doing. Now I just don't know..."

Kyle began to tremble as his own tears began to flow. Mike stood and left, pointing to a set of clothing folded on a nearby table. He said nothing as he left. Kyle could no longer keep from weeping. This whole time he had been so blind as to not see what was right in front of him, yet now he had lost the last fur that had any ounce of love for him. It was all too late for that. He stood, throwing the door open as he called Mike's name. There was no answer. Mike was nowhere to be found.

Kyle spent the next few hours contemplating his next step. His father hated him. He had no other friends at school. The fur he had ignored for so long turned out to be the one able to give him what he had been longing for all along. He had lost that as well. Maybe now was the time. Maybe now he could finally do what he had been contemplating off and on for the past few months. The fox looked over, his eyes fixing on the keys to Mike's car. An idea struck. It was not the quickest way out, but he deserved it. A slow, agonizing death was waiting for him. Kyle took the car and drove home.

Kyle's father was passed out on the couch. "Like father, like son." He whispered softly. Upstairs he wrote a long note in an attempt to give Mike and his Father some closure. It wasn't their fault, it was his. He left the note on his shelf and placed Mike's keys next to it. He grabbed another set of keys, the one to his mom's car, and set off. A piece of here would always be with him, even to his death. The fox paused, walking over to his father. He kissed the sleeping fox on the forehead. "I'm so sorry to have burdened you for so long, dad. I love you." With that, he drove off, heading toward a nearby lake secluded from town. By the time they found his body, he would be long gone.

Dean shivered and pulled his blanket up around himself. He could tell he was still drunk. He was always drunk since Mary had passed. His head swam as he faded into some semblance of consciousness. He thought he heard his son's voice. _Sorry?_It was lost almost as quickly as it came. In his drunken stupor, Dean muttered, "Kyle... Don't leave me..."