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It starts in my throat. There's a desire deep in me that wants to just start howling and when it comes over me, I just can't hold it back. The feeling of power that comes with it just makes me feel so pumped. Like there's something leaping out through my mouth to announce to the world that I'm here and it had better stay out of my fucking way.

I don't get many chances to do that usually. Sure you can slam some weights at the gym, check out your body in the mirrors and see the other people gawking at you but it's just not the same as that howl. My whole body just feels like I benched a thousand pounds and I'm ready to rip down the walls and tear through the streets.

Riding that howl, my whole body just flexes. I've always been tight and ripped but this just blows that shit out of the water. My arms becomes fucking boulders and my hands just become these massive fucking paws that could crush someone's head. It's just so fuckin'... rrrrrrr! Just talkin' about it it getting me jazzed up.

I usually can't stop howling. Like the sound itself it what's pumping me up, like it's steroids and my body just can't get enough of it! Most times I gotta go out into the woods. I'm too fuckin' loud for someone to not call the cops or make a fuss over it. Changed once at a frat party and some of 'em could still hear me under the cheering and music from downstairs. They all thought it was a costume so it wound up bein' cool but too many other times, I had to try to cram myself in a closet or hide in the corner until things calmed down. That'd be hard enough how I am but when I change, I get fuckin' huge!

Like my lats and delts just flare out like, like cobra hoods or somethin'. My chest gets so fuckin' broad I can't even tell you! It's fuckin' Mister Universe kinda shit. Sure, there's the fur and the ears too but just that raw beast power, it's like the ultimate buzz!

That shit rolls through me as I swell up over every inch. I barely even think of my dick but it's hangin' lower and I know I'd be ready to go if anyone wanted to go for a ride. It's just the rest of it. Like, I've literally torn trees out of the ground in the middle of it. Digging my thick claws into the bark and just tearing the thing apart!

...and the running. My thighs get massive and just keep pumping like I can't even get tired. I've torn up trails and gone miles before I even knew I had to catch a breath. I'm just a fuckin' monster and it's the best feeling in the whole goddammed world!

I wanna explain it but it's just so much more of a feeling. Like the first time I did a set in high school, back when I ran on the wrestling team. That kinda sense that you found the right pin or the right angle where you can just slam that guy into the mat like he's a burger on the grill. He's like a fuckin' feather and you're like the hammer of god! That's every moment after I change. I can do anything!

Sure, nothin' a own will fit me and I spend most of my time runnin' around naked through the forest like I'm some kinda hippie. I suppose they did have some stuff right though. Not the patchouli stinkin', love-in kinda stuff but the bein' out in nature. Being more of a part of it than we usually are.

Campin' was something I was into before the bodybuilding. Fuck, I was a boy scout back then. Not so much the goody-goody but getting out there and livin' off the land. Always felt some kind of connection to it I suppose. That gettin' out and surviving with nothing but what you've got and what you can bring to the table; it's pretty cool.

Maybe that's why I change. Got so close to the forest and trees that it decided to give me somethin' back. If it did, then nature's even more fuckin' sweet than I thought it could be. God, it's just such a rush!

Like, it's how I imagine we used to be. Before buildings and cars and shit. Just running and powerful and taking what we wanted from the world around us without havin' to fucking destroy every inch of it first. I mean, yeah, I wrecked some trees and loved it but it's not like I wanted to tear down the whole forest as well.

It's safe too. I know that sounds kinda queer, but when I'm like that I don't feel that scratch at the back of my head. You know, like you're forgetting to do something. It's gone. Just me and the world out there. I don't even feel cold or tired. I can just run and jump and tear ass through there and nothing can stop me. I'm free.

Man, it makes me think about stuff sometimes. Like why I'm doin' what I'm doin'. I got ripped so I could fit in. Flabby guys don't do well on the wrestling team and they don't get sports scholarships. You gotta stay in peak condition at all times; but it's crazy. I'm beyond peak when I change. Like I'm in the Himalayas or some shit. It makes the rest of it feel kinda pointless.

My friend says I work out 'cause I'm meditating. Pumpin' up and down makes my head shut up for a bit and lets me zone out. Calls it a ritual, like I'm a witch or some fuckin' thing. I guess it does sort of let me forget stuff I'd rather not think about but it all comes back when I stop. After that last set, when I'm staring into the mirror, my mind starts to spin up again and I'm too tired to lift another set.

That's why I look forward to the change. Take a few days off from work to just vanish into the woods and ride that out. I wish I could make it last longer. I wanna stay like that, powerful and safe and just so fucking pumped all the time. Just live out my life in the forest and forget about all the other shit that's going on in my life.

Guess, I'm not really saying much about the change itself. I don't really think about the process. Just close my eyes and let it take over. I stop being... I know, no names. I stop being me and start being this beast.

Fuckin' crazy but I think I'm calmer then too. Sometimes I wanna punch shit. Patched up plenty of walls in my place when I had a rough day. Out there, when I feel like I can rip a fuckin' mountain in half, I don't need to. I ain't fuckin' sipping tea and dressing up but I'm okay. It's all okay while I'm there. Sometimes I keep being okay for a few days afterward. I imagine that beast is still there, just hidin'. It'll come out when I need it.

I suppose it changed more about me. Not the tail and stuff; though havin' a tail also fucking rocks. It's fluffy and fuckin' so soft. I mean... I like it. Like havin' a new part of me that can do stuff I can't normally do and say stuff I can't really say. It's weird to have somethin' like that attached to me but I miss it when it's gone.

One thing I can tell you about the change is the lead up. Man, I chow down like my stomach's a pit. My diet goes out the window and I can blow through a hundred chicken breasts in like a couple of days. I know about bulking up; loading so your body's got enough fuel to burn. Guess I'm not surprised I need even more to grow like that in a night.

There's parts about it I don't get. Takes me months to get my abs tight and my body fat low, but this just does it like it's magic. Man, sometimes when I know the change is coming, I'll just splurge and eat all the shit I can't. It's totally queer, but I love me some cupcakes! Just that little cake topped with a big old gob of frosting. I can almost eat 'em in one bite sometimes. So fuckin' sweet. Wish I didn't have to hold off on 'em every other time.

Yeah, there are times I can feel the change coming. It's like a smell and a feeling, like how you can tell if someone's been workin' out right after they wipe down the gym. Kinda that musky, BO smell just at the back of my nose. Makes my hair stand up and I get goosebumps. That's when I know I need to get out of town. Go somewhere I can just be what I am.

I know, I say queer too much. You ain't queer, are ya? It's just like that other stuff I said. Those things that keep running through my head. Like I know I ain't suppose to fuckin' curse but I do it anyway. No one's gonna stop me or anything, but then I think about bein' out in the forest. Where don't have to say that shit. Nothin' I do out there is que-, I mean... I dunno. If I was good with words, I wouldn't have to run out the woods to think about stuff like that.

I don't even know why I'm doin' this. Well, except I feel like I'm gonna bust out if I don't tell someone. There ain't never been another one like me that I've seen. Forest is pretty big though, but then so am I when I change! I guess if I talk about it then maybe I can find someone else who knows about this stuff. Someone who can talk a little better than I. Someone who can tell people about what I feel out there when I don't have the words.

Kinda hoping this is a bit of that. I like the me out there and I don't always like the me that's here. I know I'm not supposed to think like that. I ain't never had a thing that's really gotten to me. Just sort of coasted along on what I could do. Sure, I work a shitty job and live in a small town but I just need to keep the lights on and the fridge stocked at home. Gotta pay for my gym membership and keep the heat on when I'm not covered in hair... but I got a secret. I'm not livin' for those times. I'm living for the next moon or star or whatever brings that howl back into my throat. When I can leave my place in the cold and the dark and just dive into those woods like my own private pool. It's more alive there and I am too.

Guess that's the closest I got to what I was trying to say. Talkin' about it did more than I thought.

Still, it's fuckin' sweet though. Just the best. Just bein' big and massive and so fuckin' pumped. I know keep sayin' the same things over and over again. It's just that it's that kinda amazing. Like a thousand people cheering at you for the rest of the night and being able to do no wrong. I like that. Don't get much of that outside a game or night out at the bar.

I never looked at myself in the mirror. It's too dark out to see myself in the ponds and I just never wanted to look. I mean, watchin' myself pump up at the start is so sweet it's almost hot but after that, when my nose starts twitchin' and my tail starts to sway... there's usually more interestin' stuff to do.

I know I'm gray. Like kinda salt and peppery. Super thick stuff, too. Like I said, I'm never cold when I'm out there and I've been out in a few snowy days. Man, the moonlight on the snow when everything is quiet and cold, there's just nothin' like that. Oh yeah, my feet get fucking huge! I left a few prints in the snow and mud before. I think they're bigger than my chest is when I'm not a beast. Can you fuckin' imagine that?

Sorry. Tryin' not to swear. I really... man, there just ain't words. Maybe I could bite you and then you could try it out? That's how this shit works, right?

I'd been thinking about that sometimes. Bein' by myself in the woods is amazing but ... like I'm being here 'cause I can't keep this to myself. Just like when I change, I gotta just go out there and be the me inside. I want someone else who can tell someone this stuff. Right now I feel like I gotta mouthful of mush and I'm tryin' to tell you about somethin' that's going to just blow your mind.

You sure you don't want me to ta bite you? It's a rockin' time!