FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Steven sighed and shifted around on his couch, scarcely paying attention to what was on the TV as he attempted to make himself comfortable. By the time he had wriggled his way into what should have been his preferred position, the sun had shifted to be right in his eyes.

"Come on," he complained, shading his eyes against the encroaching sun. It was not enough. He groaned, got up, pulled the curtains over the window, and returned to his couch. When he tried to return to his previous position, he found himself entirely uncomfortable.

Sighing more deeply this time, he sat up and leaned forward. He did his best to ignore his lingering discomfort and focus on the screen, staring at the current channel and its cooking show.

"I'm not hungry," he murmured.

He took the remote and changed channels. Sports? Skip. Some aged sci-fi show? Another easy skip. Politics? He was engaged for a moment before he realized the channel had clear biases. Snorting, he switched to another channel and was rewarded with more of the same. He frowned, then looked from the screen to the remote in his hand.

"What am I doing?" he asked himself. Surely he had better things to do than watch TV. No, he knew he did. There were things he wanted to do, things he wanted to be, pictures to draw and perfect and post so that others may be drawn to him, and here he was, wasting time watching TV. Still, he couldn't help but change the channel one more time...

Talking heads with big opinions were replaced by a slow, sweeping overhead shot of a sun scorched desert with minuscule animals running free below. Interested, Steven leaned forward and squinted at the small shapes. Suddenly, the shot zoomed in, showing that the animals were small tan furred foxes with ears that seemed overly large for their otherwise diminutive size. He smiled as he recognized the creatures.

"Fennecs!" He exclaimed. Smile widening, he watched the shot switch to a side view of the foxes loping through the sand.

Then all of Steven's glee dissolved at once as the screen flickered, and the fennecs were no more. In their place was a stern faced scientist speaking in a droning voice, the shot too close and wide, and the sound of his voice eerily distant.

"These fluctuations are not hallucinations," he said. "They are as real as you or I. As shown in diagram 2B, they are rifts in reality, and more than that, they are directed, they are corrections and re--"

Steven hit off, and the screen went dark. He threw the remote on the coffee table. Enough was enough. While he certainly hadn't been interested in what the scientist had to say, the fennecs and their freedom had given him an idea.

He stood and went to his study. While the fennec foxes on the television were far, far away in an arid environment, there was a number of their kin closer to him residing in a more temperate environment. Sheltered too, but that only made it better. While he envied the energy of the foxes in their desert homes, there was something to be said about still subjects. Plus, how they curled up in their groups under the shade was so much cuter than running in the sand. He needed cute right now; he needed something that would distract him from the discomfort brewing within.

He gathered his sketchpad and drawing materials from his study and set out from his apartment, resolved to visit the zoo and do some drawing. No longer would he wait at home, wasting away while there was so much to do; instead, he would become who he wanted to be no matter what the rest of the world--or the universe for that matter--thought about it. He was determined, and the universe seemed to agree with that determination, because his car started without its usual hiccup or two. Smiling and sure of himself, he turned on the radio as he drove away from home.

Again, everything seemed right as one of his favorite songs came up on the radio, one about love. Though the thought of love, true love, or any love ached inside, he couldn't help but sing along.

"Oh, I would do anything for love," he sang. "But I won't do that, no, I won't--"

The song splintered into static, the singer's voice and music warbling and distorted, until it phased out entirely into white noise. Steven ceased singing and fiddled with the radio, keeping his eyes on the road. Suddenly the static lurched and condensed into something solid: a woman's voice, very posh and British sounding, though it was a bit too quiet.

"Usual temperatures in the Sahara reach a peak of forty-seven Celsius in the driest parts of summer, and yet there is life to be found in what would seem like a barren wasteland. Species range from reptilian to mammalian, from the great river crocodile to the diminutive fennec fox, our focus of today."

Intrigued, Steven reached out to turn up the volume just as the woman's voice dropped in pitch and her words became uncomfortably distorted and drawn out. He frowned, wondering what was up with the stations today, when there was suddenly no sounds at all. Scowling, he intended to tap the volume to turn off the radio altogether when something else came on: a man's voice, serious and droning.

"--about intentions. What we actually know is nothing certain. However, Kharisov's theory on the subject posits that--"

Steven tapped the volume and sat back, content with the silence. He smiled and hummed.

"I won't do that," he half-sang, half said. "No, I won't do that."

It was a bit of a relief to actually reach the zoo. There had been barely anyone in the road, and the silence from the radio had grown eerie over time, leaving him to his own thoughts of self doubt. Luckily, the zoo had more than a few visitors today, if the packed parking lot indicated anything, which also meant he might not feel as alone. He might even come across a fellow artist who could critique and discuss their efforts together.

He chuckled softly as he stepped out of his parked car with sketchpad and pens in hand. Of course, he had his doubts about finding a kindred soul here, but that hadn't been the goal, had it? He was here to draw; to get away from his own doubts, not dig deeper into them.

He showed his pass to the gate guard, and upon entrance found that the zoo was indeed packed, though mostly by families and their children. He nodded and greeted a few he passed by, but he mostly kept his head down, as he headed towards the Saharan Section. Fortunately for him, this part of the park was less frequented this time of year, probably because it was all outdoors and people didn't like to be reminded of how hot it got in the desert when it was already hot enough at home. He skipped over the reptile house and the aviary before finding himself near the small enclosure that held the even smaller fennec foxes. The only others in the area was a couple sitting quite close together and whispering sweet somethings. Making himself as small as possible, Steven took his place on a small bench as far away as he could from them while still in sight of the fennecs.

As he set up, he looked over to the fennecs and found that they were sleeping, curled up close together with their overly large ears raised high in their slumber. He smiled to himself and set to sketching. He quickly got into the zone, his focused senses able to ignore the close couple and the feelings they brought forth in favor of the fennec foxes and their winsome rest.

For a few minutes, he was relaxed, totally focused on this copying creation. His peace was shattered when he heard a keening cry. Surprised, he looked up and saw a troupe of college aged girls not much younger than Steven and probably part of some sort of sorority laughing and talking and pointing at the fennecs in their cage. This too had disturbed the fennecs, who had awoken and stood with their ears laid back as they looked up to the noisy young women. Steven scowled and looked down at his sketch that would now remain forever unfinished. Grimacing, he turned back to the fennecs and began to sketch out their current alarmed posture, each line quick and angry. Still the women remained, chuckling and conversing, their volume only increasing as a pair of families came along, the children rushing to the enclosure to point and shout and rattle the wire. Steven's grimace grew, but he kept on drawing, at least until two women sat right next to him, older ladies who were talking about some celebrity.

"Umm..." Steven said, shifting a little bit away, for now there was little room on the already small bench.

The women ignored him, now gossiping about what one of their neighbors had done. Steven shook his head and looked back to the enclosure, only to find a burly man standing in front of him, popsicle in hand.

"Excuse me," he said, pointing to him. "Is someone sitting there?"

"I--" Steven began.

"Oh no! Hey Joe!" one of the women tittered. "Please, take a seat."

Steven raised his eyebrows and turned to speak to the woman when he saw that the man intended to sit. He clutched his sketchbook close to his chest and stepped off to the side just as the man did so.

"Hey!" Steven said. "I was sitting there."

There was no response from the man. Instead, he had already turned to the women and joined in their conversation. Steven shook his head, backed off, and began looking for another quiet place to observe the foxes from. He quickly figured out that there were fewer and fewer places to do so, as more and more visitors converged on the exhibit. When he saw a spot that might work, he couldn't even get to it because people on the way simply didn't make room for him, as if he weren't there even when he had politely said "Excuse me" several times over. Defeated, he left the area and the fennecs behind and began to make his way to--where? He didn't feel much like drawing anymore, especially around so many people, and rude ones at that. He decided to head home, away from them all so he could be alone again.

He made it out of the zoo with a few near collisions and mumbled apologies, but no one paid him much mind. Even a fellow artist he saw and said something about the zoo within a zoo didn't even acknowledge his joke or that he was there at all. By the time he was at his car, he felt worse than he had before, ignored and unsatisfied with what he had done. He started the car. Before he set off, he pushed volume and the radio sputtered to life. Immediately afterwards, a familiar voice surfaced, droning and stern.

"In our reality, a specific sequence--"

He hit the volume again and winced as he felt a jolt of something from the contact. He pulled his finger away and looked at it. Apparently there had been some sort of static shock somehow, but at least the radio was off. Shrugging the shock off and leaving the radio silent, he drove away from the zoo.

At first, without much ahead of him save the mostly empty road and home, Steven thought of nothing at all. After a few minutes, however, thoughts full of doubt and fear crept up into his mind that made his body itch and twitch in his seat. The thoughts were small, yet significant, and entirely impossible to shake off. There was truth to the thoughts that he was alone or unimportant or unsuccessful, but at the same time it wasn't the full truth. He just...he just needed something more. He needed a spot of success somewhere, he needed acknowledgement at some point, and company once in a while wouldn't be so bad. He sighed and gripped the steering wheel tight and noticed his grip felt strange, unsure and unfamiliar. Drawn out of his thoughts, he looked down at his hands and saw spots of sandy fur on otherwise unblemished skin.

Steven's eyes widened, and he almost hit the brakes. Instead, he turned the wheel just in time to pull up into his apartment parking lot. Tearing his gaze away from his altered hands, he guided his car into its usual spot and put it into park. With a shaking hand, he turned the key and switched the engine off. Only when his vehicle had ceased its after-shut off-shakes did he look down at his hands. They were as before, still human but with spots of sandy fur in seemingly random patches.

"What the--?" He said.

He shook his head, then rubbed at his eyes. This hardly helped, for he could feel some of the fur on his fingertips brush against his eyelids. He yelped and took his hands away, before bringing one over to pinch at his arm. He encountered pain and something else, the feeling of fur between those two fingers. Sure that he was neither hallucinating or dreaming, he sat silently in his car, as he tried to reconcile what was on his hands and arms. Fur, actual fur, and it didn't take a glance down to determine that it was spreading, because he could feel it. It was a familiar feeling, the same one that had come along with his doubting thoughts.

For a few seconds more Steven sat still, and then he sprang into action, his heart beating faster and his increasingly furrier palms sweating. He unbuckled his seat belt and sprang out of his car, slamming the door shut before he made his way towards his place. On the way, he almost barreled into one of his neighbors carrying her groceries.

"I'm sorry!" He shouted over his shoulder, hiding his hands.

Steven might have well as said nothing, for the woman seemed far more concerned with whatever was on her phone. He hardly cared, sprinting until he stood before his home. Digging inside his pocket for his keys, he winced and panted as the itchiness spread to his neck. With a jingle, his keys emerged with his hand, and the sight of it caught the breath in his throat. That hand was now almost completely covered by fur, but worse was how his fingers had shrank and his nails had begun to extend into--

"Claws?" Steven said. Clenching his jaw, he took the keys in one hand while he scratched at his furry cheek with the other. Without further ado, he opened up the door and dashed inside. Though the door didn't shut completely behind him, he headed left anyways, towards his bathroom. Finding the door closed, he hissed in annoyance and tried to turn its knob, his lack of familiarity with his altering grip causing him to growl in frustration. With a lucky twist, the door opened up, and he stumbled in. He quickly turned to the mirror and looked into his own reflection.

What he saw wasn't the him he wished to see. Instead, it was a panicked, disheveled man with fringes of fur all over his face and completely over his neck, with furry ears he could even now feel stretch and grow as they crept up his skull. He opened his mouth to say something or perhaps scream, but there was only silence as he saw his shrunken, pointed teeth, so canine in their appearance. He snapped his jaw shut and winced, scratching at his chest as it itched horribly. Pulling at the neck of his shirt with a paw like hand, he looked down at the exposed skin and saw mostly sandy fur instead, and where there wasn't, would soon be.

"This can't be..." Steven murmured with a whimper, no, a whine. His jaw ached, and he ground his teeth together as he felt the ache spread to his skull. Clutching at his head, he placed his elbows on the sink counter and stared behind his glasses into his eyes, eyes that even now were becoming beadier and brown.

"Nnghhh..." he groaned, shaking his head while his cranium ached. His dark head hair fell out in clumps into the sink, while sandy soft fur quickly grew over to replace it, as his face stretched forward and shrank simultaneously. He closed his eyes and shivered, his furry ears finishing their ascent higher up, now large and long and pointed. They swept back as he endured the change, mouth becoming a muzzle and nose shrinking down to a wet black bump that fit perfectly on his vulpine snout. With this new nose came a cacophony of scents that would have been impossible to ignore had the changes not been more on his mind.

Opening his eyes, Steven found in his reflection the visage of a creature still somewhat human but mostly fennec fox in appearance. Whatever it was, it certainly wasn't him, and the sight of that foxy face staring back was enough to get him moving.

Rubbing his paws together nervously, Steven stepped out of the bathroom, his mind racing. What could he do? Where could he go? Who could even help him?

"Hospital," he said, or tried to say, all that came out being nothing more than slurred speech mixed with a whine. Even if he couldn't say it, his mind was made up. He stumbled towards the door, his steps uncertain and somewhat fatigued. Whatever was happening to him was draining his energy along with the changes. Still, he made it out the door without being seen. In the warm mid afternoon sun his bare skin felt good, but his fur covered portions did not fare so well. Overheated, he panted and walked with a shortened stride, the distance between him and his car somehow getting longer and longer instead of shorter and shorter. Whining, he tried to speed up his pace, just as the bones in his legs reshaped and reformed with an audible crack. His next steps were so uncertain that he couldn't help but fall, landing on his arms and knees with a yelp.

For a moment, Steven laid there, riding out the spreading sensations of fur beneath his hips. More concerning was the pull at his spine, a feeling that made him raise up his rear slightly as it pulled up and up and then finally out, his new tail flourishing into fullness in a span of seconds. He felt his tail move, the sensations of the alien appendage causing him to look over slimming, shrinking shoulders just as his hips simultaneously wrenched forward and squeezed in. Though shaken, he caught sight of not only his long, bushy tail, but the blur of a speeding SUV. Weakened and unsure of himself, Steven whimpered and shut his eyes, prepared for impact.

There was none. Instead, there was the rush and sound of a swerve, followed by an angry shout of "Stupid mutt!"

Steven opened his eyes and watched as the car sped off. Mutt? Well, it was more than he had been acknowledged earlier today.

Finding little solace in this thought, Steven tried to stand and found he could not. It was not that he lacked the will or the energy, but that his structure simply no longer supported a two-footed stance. He tried and tried again to stand, only to fall over and over, kicking off his shoes and finding his feet had been converted into paws in the process, and that his weight had shifted so his heels were up in the air rather than touching the ground. Closing his eyes once more, he tried to concentrate on how he had seen the fennecs stand and move earlier that day. It couldn't be too hard, right?

It was easier said than done. Just as many times as he tried to stand incorrectly for his new form, so did he end up trying correct, failing and falling over and over until he was nearly completely drained. Panting, Steven laid in the road and in the sun, until he began to feel overly insulated in his attire. While his bare fur felt fine, he just couldn't bear to be in his clothes.

Wriggling and squirming, he made his way out of his clothes in a matter of minutes, save for his glasses that stubbornly clung to his snout. He was much happier to be rid of his clothes, his form no longer overheated. While he still wasn't standing, he had managed to crawl away from the pile.

Still, he looked back to his clothes and felt a twinge of regret. He felt drawn back towards the clothes, and he wasn't really sure why until he sniffed the air. He smelled something familiar, something that reminded him of himself, and of course it came from his clothes, but there was another scent too. He sniffed around and found that it was coming from ahead, towards his car. He looked back from his clothes to his car, and a thought sprang to his mind. He tilted his head down and sniffed at his chest. There was that scent of him there still, but it was mostly masked by that other smell, the one coming from his car.

Steven's ears twitched in confusion, and he looked back towards his car. Whatever was happening, he had to make it to his car. He just had to stand. Once again, his mind went back to the fennecs and how they walked and also how he had drawn them. Imagining the lines in motion, he tried to stand on shaky legs and finally succeeded. Surprised by his own success, he immediately fell. He groaned and lay there for only a moment, before he quickly got to his feet. Still shaking, he slowly made his way towards the car.

Again, Steven felt that with every step he made towards the car, he lost another. At first, he blamed it on his unfamiliar gait, then on the scents that attracted his attention, next his tail and its erratic swishings back and forth, before he realized that he was losing more than a step; indeed, he was losing size. His battered car had always been larger than him, but it had never been big. Now it was, a looming monstrosity of strange smelling rubber, metal, and plastic. Looking back, his shirt appeared as if it could comfortably clothe all of him now, and his shorts weren't too far off. He whimpered, looking down at his paws that were so different than human hands. He doubted he could turn a door knob with them now. He whimpered again and looked up at the car. While he didn't feel small, his surroundings told him the opposite. Still, he couldn't stop just because he was small. He had to continue forward. That scent his car held was even stronger now. He was sure it was telling him something; he just didn't know what.

Now aware of his small size and halfway between his clothes and the car, Steven continued forward, sometimes looking left and right in case another driver came barreling down the road. Just as he was nearly to the car, his surroundings began to shimmer, looking so much like a heat-induced mirage. Whimpering, he shrank back but then continued forward, not knowing whether to trust his senses. As he did so, the shimmer in his surroundings grew stronger and was so distorted that he could scarcely tell where he was going. The car, once in front, now seemed to off to one side, then another, then behind him, before its vague outline vanished entirely. Steven's ears raised, and he spun around, only to find the shimmer settling, his surroundings now clear again. Unfortunately for him, none of it was familiar.

Or so he initially thought. Looking around, he found himself standing on sand, and there were other fennecs close by. Some peered at him curiously, while others slept. Steven backed away from the closest one and came into contact with something that rattled and laughed. He jumped and turned to face the source of the sound and found himself staring at an enclosure of metal and wood--on the inside. On the outside was the source of the laughter, a young boy that loomed and pointed and stared at him, a fennec fox in its cage.

He blinked and backed away, his glasses falling from his snout. The kid laughed again, and the sound was so startling that the fennec backed further away. He looked down at the glasses and wondered why he had been wearing them. They had been nothing but dead weight. His eyes could see well enough.

Looking back up to the boy, he still felt frightened. He was so, so small now. Not so long ago he had been bigger than the boy, and yet here he was now, a small, scared fox trapped in its space.

No. He shook his head. He wasn't scared, he was just...uncertain, and why wouldn't he be? He looked over those assembled around the cage, men and women, boys and girls, humans like him, but...but they weren't him. They were large and loud and smelled like something so familiar, but that scent certainly wasn't on him. No, that scent he had smelled earlier, on that monstrosity of metal was here, close and all around him. He turned towards the nearest fennec, sniffed, and found it was the same scent, the one that had drawn him here, to his own kind.

The fear came rushing back. His own kind? What was he thinking? He was a human, not some fox, and certainly not a fennec fox. And yet, as before, those humans outside weren't him. He had come here and left, and now he was back again and changed. For some reason, he didn't think the same would happen to anyone else here. He was here in this exhibit's enclosure as a fennec fox for a reason. Was this what he was meant to be? That sounded more right than wrong, but he couldn't be sure...

The fennec fox nearest to him sighed and curled up, covering itself with its own big bushy tail. He couldn't help but let out a sigh of his own, the toll of his transformation finally catching up to him. Whether he was meant to be as he was currently was a question for another time. Right now he needed to rest, though he didn't see how he could do so with all the noise and interesting scents around. Still, he did his best to mirror the fennec fox near to him by curling up and consciously controlling his tail to nestle comfortably against the rest of his body. He closed his eyes and lowered his ears, the sounds of outside onlookers and inner fears soon swept away by the sweet silence of sleep.

The fennec was drawn from a restful, dreamless slumber by something gingerly prodding and sniffing at him. He opened his eyes, his large ears lifting high as he saw that it was another fennec that had awakened him, a familiar one at that, though seemingly larger than before, or was it that he had shrunk some more? Whatever the case, the familiar fennec gave him one last nuzzle and then set running off, leaving him alone in the enclosure.

The fennec blinked. Alone? Was he alone? He looked around and found that he was no longer in the enclosure. There was sand all around, large, sloping dunes made up of the stuff. There was no enclosure in sight. He was free!

Elated, the fennec stood, started, then stopped. He had been about to follow the other fennec's trail, but thought better of it at present. For now, he would take in his surroundings at his own pace.

So, under a bright sun, the fennec made his way through the sand, his coarse paw pads protecting him from the heat. The wind, as warm as it was, felt good against his fur. He continued to wander, his comfort only enough for so long, before thoughts from the day before filtered up into his mind. Many of them confused him; for example, why would he worry about his car if he didn't even really know what a car was? There was vague recollections of fast movement and the simple recollection of song, but it was only this last part that he latched onto. Though the melody and even some of the words eluded him, there was something in there about love. Love was something he didn't have, not now, not yet.

Had he ever had it? He cast his mind back, but that only brought further confusion. Yes, there were humans that had loved, but a human he was not, and--

It all rushed back then, flooding his mind with even more thoughts, each one more puzzling than the last, but there was one that he understood best out of them all. He had been human, and it hadn't been so long ago, right? It was...well, it wasn't yesterday, because that didn't mean much of anything to him anymore. It was difficult to think in days, easier to think in terms of seasons. He must, then, have been a human a season ago when...when--

A wind swept past the fennec, and this one was strangely cold. The fennec shivered and felt something shrink and shift, so integral to her that she--

She...

The fennec vixen shook her head. She couldn't let the little things distract her. She was a human once and was a fennec fox now. Was that so wrong? Her human experiences, as jumbled and confusing as they were to her increasingly animalistic brain, seemed sad and solitary and confined. Out here, she was free. Out here, she was not alone, the scent of her brothers and sisters carried on the wind. What was she worried about? Was this not meant to be? She pondered what she had even meant by that. What else was there to be? She was happy to be a fennec fox, happy that--

The vixen's thoughts were pushed aside by a sudden noise, a low roar that growled and barked like no actual animal. Startled, she looked over to where her ears told her the sound originated and saw some sort of metal monstrosity, larger than the one she had once worried about, roll up and over the dunes. She started to walk away, but it caught up with her quick, and she froze when it too stopped. She stared with cautious interest, as pale skinned people...humans emerged from the machine. There was laughter and then bright flashes of light that nearly made her run, until what was left of her figured out what was going on. These were simply tourists of what must be a sanctuary, glad to gawk at her. They were humans with their own fears and insecurities and concerns, not free and connected as she was. They might have their names but--

She blinked. Name...what was her name? It was there, deep down somewhere, but it no longer meant anything to her. It was the name of something she was not. She was a fennec fox, so why should she need a human name and all of the human qualities it brought with it? She was glad to be rid of it. To be so nameless held no fear for her anymore.

Looking over the humans, she thought back to her human self and what she had looked like. At first, she was quite pleased to find that there was no recollection, none at all. On further inspection, however, she found this wasn't quite so true. There were a multitude of faces in her memory; she just didn't know which one was her's, and neither, she realized, did she care.

There was one fear that the group of humans brought back to her. They were all together, and for now she was alone. While she could smell her kin in the air, she could not recall where they were or who they were. All the fennecs she knew seemed to be only momentarily, the span of their relationship not even a season's start. Looking over the humans, she was glad they had their group, for now. She, though, had to find her own.

So, the fennec sprang away, running down and over dunes as she sniffed and smelled for her kin.

For a time, she thought no human thoughts, her concern only for her kin. With her clear mind and keen senses, it was not hard to find a gathering of them, her search bringing her to a well worn cave. Before entering, she sniffed and smelled that familiar scent that meant she was near where she was meant to be.

By now it was near night and the fennec was ready to rest. She entered the cave and found that there were many of her kind within. Most were already asleep, but there were those that greeted with a sniff and sometimes a lick before going off to rest themselves. Still, the vixen followed the scent, until she came upon the familiar fennec. Though he was resting, she gave him a nuzzle. He opened his eyes, gave her a nuzzle back, then a long lick over both her ears and then promptly returned to sleep. She stared at him, watching as his body rose and fell with easy, restful breaths and wondered why he had done that. Was it as she hoped? Was this what she wanted? She knew she'd do anything for it.

Again another part of her rose up, one that had dimmed even since she had seen the sanctuary tourists. It was still there though. For all of its weaknesses, there was spirit in it. It wanted so desperately to be successful, to be important, and to not be alone. The fennec vixen felt much the same, but circumstances had changed. None of those meant quite the same thing as they had before, and yet there was enough similarity to satisfy them both. She knew that she was leaving some things behind by remaining what she was, just as she knew there would be experiences ahead that she would never have had before. But why was she comparing? Why was she worrying? She simply wasn't human anymore, and that was...well, that was ok with her. She was more than ok with it, more than fine with it, she was glad for it. What else would she be? Her human past, her fears, worries, dreams, and accomplishments...she had to let it go, all of it. It wasn't so much that she wanted to, it was that she needed to. To continue on with such burdens would not make her human or fennec fox or even a mixture of both. She would be neither. She would be nothing.

She needed this.

She curled up next to the male fennec so that she nearly pressed into him. He didn't seem to mind, so she inched a little closer so that she snuggled up to him. This time he did react, shifting himself around to be just a little closer. She gave him a loving lick and closed her eyes, returning to her thoughts.

Her mind was different than before, simpler and less so concerned with the past and what was. In fact, what remained of another life played through her mind, and in it she found little use. Though much of it meant nothing, she did find something in her past that would remain, and that was her hopes for her future, hope for importance and success and company, no, love in another. Optimism in mind, she drifted to sleep, knowing that such hope rested nearby.

The vixen awoke, not because of a nuzzle or sudden sound, but due to the rising of the sun. She opened her eyes, squinting as sunlight filtered into the desert, setting alight the sky and the sand beneath her belly and paws. She rose and found herself alone, nothing but sand, sun, and bright sky in sight. Knowing not to rely on sight, she sniffed, and there was that scent again, though faint and far away. At first, she lowered her ears because of the distance. Then she raised them and started sprinting towards the scent. Out there, out in this vast and open desert was her future, one where she was important, successful, and in love.

All she had to do was find it.

All she had to do was find him. Even if he was a million miles away, she would run and run until she was there. She would do anything for love.

She increased her pace, and as her body ran, her mind raced alongside it. What little left of her that was human flitted through her mind, people and places and things, each one less and less important than the last. The swifter she ran, the quicker she shed what she simply no longer was.

Finally she found him, standing solemnly with his overly large ears raised high near a few fennec foxes lazing about. She let out an excited yip, her heart and mind alight under the wonderfully warm sun. She was nearly there!

Just as she was about to reach him and her prospective pack, she felt more than thoughts shed from her. Coming to a stop, she smelled something behind her far more familiar than the fennec ahead. She came to a quick stop and turned around. Her ears and tail twitched in curiosity, as she saw a ripple in the air, shimmering and shining under the sun. It was also so familiar, smelled so strongly of her, and yet it was not. What she was now was not what remained out there, an echo of what would never be and never was. It simply wasn't her. She was now what she needed to be, and if it meant leaving a part of her that was so familiar and intimate behind, then that was a sacrifice she was more than willing to make. After all, she had already made her choice long ago. This was just confirmation. The fennec vixen was her, and she was the vixen fennec. She was nothing less, and by acceptance would become much more.

The ripple wavered, then vanished, solidifying into nothingness. The vixen tilted her head. Beyond it was only the sky and sun. There was nothing there that hadn't been there before.

Without another moment of hesitation, the fennec vixen turned around and ran towards her mate and her future.

*****

The sun shone hard and bright on the sand and those who lived below it.

Amongst the sand was not one or two, but six. Three male, three female.

Symmetry. The sequence was complete.

The mother of the four led the fifth one, her ears held high and her ears inquisitive of her environment. The fennec vixen came to a stop, and her family did so as well. After all, mother always knew best.

Her mate came up besides her and licked her snout. Still she stared forward at something out of her sight, but not mind.

It was mended.

She turned her head and gave her mate a loving lick back. Afterwards, she looked over the rest of her family and glowed beneath the shining sun. After all, she was successful as a mother of four healthy kits who promised to be just as fast and fiery as their parents, she was important to more than a few, and for as long as she lived, she would have company. All was well for the fennec fox, and there was nothing more she truly desired, though, as she looked over to her mate, there was always next season.

With a happy yip, she dashed off into the desert, her life and future trailing close behind her.

All was as it was meant to be.