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"The Problem with Pipes"

Roy Koopa stormed through the castle; his large feet stomping so hard onto the stone tile below him that he could feel it shudder from his weight, he'd been run home once again with his tail between his legs. After all these years, Mario and his friends could easily beat even his strength. He was so angry now that his normally-pink-tinted head was red in color, and he slammed his claws into the double set of doors in front of him, making the room behind it suddenly fill with a draft of air as he stormed in.

Roy had grown quite large since his childhood; he was at about six feet in height and still not as big and bad as his old man. He slowed his pace as he realized the echo of his angered footsteps meant that he'd walked into an empty room. Looking around, the Koopa realized he had actually stormed into his father's old vault; pedestals lined on either side of him were covered with gold and jewels; spoils of a lifetime of villainy that had not been taken away by those damned Mario brothers. He sneered at a large propeller; one that had belonged on Bowser's old dirigible. An angry-faced logo still emblazoned on the center. "Huh..." He grunted before looking around. "I forgot this old room was still in here." He said.

"Well a lot of it's gonna be mine anyway when I take over as queen." A voice sounded off from behind Roy. He turned around to see that his only sister Wendy was laying belly-down on a gold pile, gold necklaces around her neck dangling down around her finger; that had been bejeweled with several fine rings. "But I'll let you have dibs if you want it."

Roy laughed. "Sis. I don't know what you're talkin' about, but I think I've got the bones to run this show after dad's gone."

Wendy laughed airily; an arrogant guffaw that filled the room with unimagined glee. "Oh Roy, you half-wit. Don't you think the brains of daddy's empire should go to the brains of his children?"

"Guess dat leaves you out too." Roy quipped fast, earning an ireful glance from the female. "I can't believe all this stuff's still here... I remember that propeller from when we was kids though."

"That's not the only thing from our childhood." Wendy said knowingly. "Check that out." She pointed further down the corridor. "Look familiar?"

Roy followed Wendy's finger and saw a glass case not ten feet away; it had a wooden frame, but the color was offset by the glow of the object inside: It was a silver staff, about three feet in length with an onyx-colored jewel at the top. The light radiating off of it was a tarnished gold color, and it was hovering about an inch off the bottom of the case. "Is....is that my magic wand?" He asked, remembering back to the childhood of fun he had terrorizing the Mushroom Kingdom with that very scepter. He pressed his face into the glass to look at it, putting his hands on both sides of the case.

"Yep. That was the only wand that daddy recovered." Wendy acknowledged. "Funny isn't it? You don't remember this room being here, but it has the one thing in it that enabled you to be the baddest Koopaling in the eight kingdoms."

"Ay!" Roy pointed at his sister. "I didn't need dat wand to be the baddest." He said. "It just....helped a little, that's all." He returned his attention to the box.

"It's too bad you can't break the box open and take it back. You'd have to deal with daddy if you decided to steal it."

"I ain't scared of our old man." Roy growled indignantly as his grip tightened on the case. As his strength began to unfurl, cracks began to form along the length of the cabinet, causing the wand within to shudder, with a forced snarl, Roy suddenly caused the glass to explode inward, and the scepter fell straight into his hand. With a triumphant laugh, Roy jabbed the wand skyward and a swirl of black energy erupted from it. As the sound faded, a roar could be heard from upstairs that caused Roy to canter slightly backwards. "Ahh... c-come to think of it, I might not wanna be here when dad shows up..." He uttered

Wendy grinned. "Then you better run, big brother." She inhaled sharply "DADDY! ROY'S STEALING YOUR WAAAAAAND!"

Roy winced and used his free hand to cover the side of his head to protect his hearing from her wail. "Jeez...why is it you got more annoying as you got older?" He asked. Wendy passed him a glance and winked; at that moment, it hit him that he would be in utter trouble if he'd stuck around, and like a shot, Roy bolted down the hallway toward the edge of the vault.

Roy reached the hallway and came to a halt; the sudden grinding of his claws on the ground under him giving off a screeching noise as he could hear the thundering footsteps of his father running toward him from his right. Immediately, Roy turned left and ran down the hallway. There were only so many places to hide in the castle, and Bowser knew every nook and cranny his children tended to hide in. Roy wasn't scared of anything; but his father, that Koopa could put a lot of pounding on him. He needed to get out; he needed to escape someplace nobody could ever find him. As he burst through the castle's courtyard doors, the Koopaling rushed through fields of piranha plants and troops of Goombas, but he could still hear the sounds of footsteps thumping loudly behind him. It was then that Roy remembered a Warp Pipe hidden in the garden that he could use to escape. Taking a left, he ran toward a berry-covered shrub. As he approached it, he gave the shrub a swift kick; causing it to bang out a metal ring as a green pipe slowly rose out of the ground. He groaned in realization:

"If I take the pipe, dad'll know where I've gone. He's gonna come lookin' for me..." He looked at the wand in his hand. "Unless I go someplace else...?" He swung his scepter toward the pipe, and instantly the green became a gun-metal black, matching the color of his wand's tip.

"ROY!" The Koopa king roared as he made a thunderous appearance. "You get back here this INSTANT!" He shouted.

"Sorry pops, but I gotta go!" Roy exclaimed before leaping into the air and sliding instantly down the black warp pipe.

"Mikey...Mikey, Mikey, Mikey..." Raphael said with a groan as he looked at his brother, who was busy stuffing his face with pizza.

"What?" Michelangelo replied with a mouthful. "You said you didn't want any?"

"I said I wasn't in the mood for pizza, I didn't say I wasn't fuckin' starving."

Not really thinking much, Mikey opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue, a drooly pile of mush resting on it. "You want some then?" He asked.

Raphael cringed. "You know what? Nevermind, I'm just gonna go for a walk."

"Suit yourself." Mikey replied, sucking his tongue back in and swallowing the food as Raph made his way out of the den and began to follow a familiar pathway out into the sewers.

"Jeez... brothers..." He complained as he walked along the passageway. "Can't live with 'em....can't kill 'em."

As he exited their headquarters completely, the lighting of the corridor got distinctly dimmer and Raph began to move on based on his instinct. He knew every inch of this sewer like the back of his hand and he made his way with ease, leaving the memory of his brothers and Master Splinter behind him. He had to cool his head from an argument he'd had with Leonardo earlier regarding his serious case of blue balls and an argument with Donatello among the ideas that reptiles didn't actually *have* balls to get blue balls. It had been a rather troublesome afternoon, and he just figured he'd need to get away from it all before anything else happened...