RP Excerpt - In The Shadow: End of a Life Together
A short excerpt from a current RP I'm in. Comments and constructive criticism and suggestions on how to improve my writing are very welcome.
Meanwhile, more than 5000 miles away and eight hours ahead, a short, well-dressed fox stood an equal distance from the front door of a tiny house in an old neighborhood somewhere in Warsaw, Poland. He took only a few moments to take it in before walking purposefully to the door, pulling out a set of keys, and unlocking it. He pushed the door open, letting it slowly creak inwards of its own accord. Nothing. No sound, no light. He stepped in and shut the door quietly, relocking it with a muted thunk. Now that he was inside, the fox could make out the faintest of buzz sounds. It came from the second floor. He followed the sound, climbing up a set of ancient looking stairs, every other one creaking noisily with each step.
On the landing, he paused. A light was glowing under the door at the far end of the short hallway and the buzzing sound was coming from the same room. He took off his fedora, revealing white furred ears, yellow eyes and a nasty scar running down the right side of his muzzle. He stepped quietly down the hall, only ten paces, and put his hand on the handle. He paused, reaching out with his mind to see who might be inside. After a careful moment, he smiled and opened the door, no need for caution. Inside was a single bed, a vitals monitor on the right and a chair on the left, and a single dresser with an old CRT television set.
All it showed was static, the source of the buzzing. Watching it was a frail and old-looking vixen, her pail red fur bleached nearly white by the light from the television, her milk-white eyes staring blankly at the screen. To the male fox, that could mean only one thing, a premonition. The vixen had the gift of foresight, the ability to see an impending danger to herself or others near to her. It had saved the white fox more than once, his muzzle scar the only mark left by such encounters. And now, she was having another one of her visions. He walked over to the chair and sat down, setting his hat on her lap.
As he grabbed her left hand, a gold band glinted on her ring finger from the light of the television. Its exact twin on the white foxes owns left ring finger, which he placed over hers. At this distance it was apparent that the vixen was far younger than she had first appeared; just twenty years old, but thinner than a twig and not much stronger. Then the eyes shifted and looked through him and he smiled again.
"Hello, beautiful," he said in Polish. "I missed you, my love."
The vixens muzzle opened, but no words came out, only a raspy breath.
"You're always beautiful in my eyes, love. That's why I married you," he said, listening to her thoughts.
"What did you see this time?" The white fox stares at her, growing more and more worried as he listened to her with his telepathic mind.
"The snake of Montana. Ivory is in trouble. Great darkness. Sacrifice?" He took a deep breath and nodded. "I understa-" Then a shocked look came to his muzzle, his heart rate doubled. "Already, but I thought... you're right.. I know. I love you, too." A single tear rolled down her cheek and he wiped it away with his left hand before leaning in and kissing her on the lips, holding it for a few sweet moments.
Beep... beep... beep...
The monitor toned away, only now phasing into his attention. Like a countdown. He took it as a signal and stood, holding her hand for just a few moments longer before taking his hat. He looked at her looking at him. She had never gotten to see him, having lost her eyesight before they had met. This was the only time he would ever wish that there was a god powerful enough to return that to her, if only for the briefest moment.
Beep... beep... beep...
He turned, putting the hat back on and exiting the room. One foot in front of the other. It felt like he was walking through molasses. Down the stairs and back into the little foyer before the front door.
Beep... beep... beep...
Too many tears to count, burning their way down his face as he put his hand on the door lock and twisted. It clicked and he twisted the door handle, pulling it open and allowing the night air to rush in around him. Now the tears stung cold. Chasing him out the door it came. That final tone, the end of a life together, no matter how short it had been.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...........