FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Author's Note

In case you missed my latest journal, I'm now live on Patreon, which is where the majority of my story posts will be from now on. You guessed it, I'm doing one last post of California Otters to try and lure you in...but if I haven't done it by now I've probably failed. Here's hoping, though. If you want to read my stuff for free you can still find everything I've uploaded to this site, but the redrafted versions on Patreon (and soon to be ebook general release as well) are so much better.

https://www.patreon.com/toddaldrington

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Trick had always been a deep sleeper, just like most otters. He rolled over and answered his phone, not thinking about how many calls he might have missed until Kia's voice almost deafened him.

'Oh thank God...where the fuck are you? I've been worried stupid all night! You've got about ten seconds before you mom grabs the phone off me. Good luck, asshole.'

'Urrrgh.' Trick opened his eyes and ended up burying his face in the pillow. The sun was midday bright.

'Tad Dixon where in the hell have you been? Have you any idea what I felt like this morning when Kia told me you hadn't been home all night? You didn't even call anyone? I've been trying to ring you all morning wondering whether I should call the police. You absolute fucking...' Trick waited for it. His mother always ended a telling off with half an insult when she was full on furious, as if searching through every swear word she knew and deciding not even the worst ones fitted. 'Tell me you're okay.'

Even half asleep, he knew how to explain quickly. 'Dad showed up last night.'

His mother said nothing, then sighed. 'But you're alright?'

'Yeah.'

'I told you never to let him drag you to one of his parties. You didn't do drugs, did you?'

'No Mom, you didn't raise a stupid otter.' He knew not to tell you about the coke he did in the bathroom at Winslow's on his eighteenth.

'Says the otter who doesn't call and makes his friends worry all night. In a town like this. You're worse than stupid sometimes, Tad. I'd rather you were stupid than thoughtless.'

'Yeah Mom, okay, I know I should have called, but I had one seriously out there night, and I don't mean I was partying. I wasn't. Dad just...I'll explain. You know I will. And I'll grovel, I promise. I'll cook you a nice dinner or something and you can give me probation instead of grounding me now. Sound good?'

'Sounds like you thinking you can get off easy. Guess again.'

'Can you put the snep back on before he starts ripping up the furniture? That'll cost us our deposit if you let it happen.'

'We'll talk about this later. Eighteen now or not.'

The speaker gave him ruffled noises as his mother handed it back.

'You're getting it for this,' Kia said. 'When Kyle wakes up I'm gonna...'

Tell him we had sex? Trick waited as Kia tailed off. Mom's still in the room then. He half hoped Kia would finish anyway. 'That would be a very bad idea right now, sneppers. Can you just cool off here for a minute? I'll tell you a story that'll make everything okay again.'

It took longer than he thought, but Kia finally sighed. 'Where are you? So I can come and punch you in the face. I must have called you twenty fucking times.'

'Yeah yeah, we'll have make-up sex later. You want to know where I am? I'm going to text you an address; I want you to come here. You. Only you. You bring anyone else and I'll never touch you again. You'll be stuck making love to my brother for the rest of your miserable little leopard life.'

'You're gonna have the kind of claw-marks on your butt that mean you can't sit down for a month, you vacuum-mouthed fish eater.' Kia rang off.

Nice try, Trick thought, knowing his mother was probably still there. She wouldn't ask what the insult meant. She probably already knew about his second birthday present from Kia somehow. He texted the address. If Kia called his bluff and brought everyone around, friends and family, then this was a bullet-taking morning. So be it. Maybe it was better to get it over with.

The doorbell rang.

'The hell?' Trick said, imagining Kia in a Superman suit, doing his fastest run ever. Kinda hot, he thought, making a mental note for the next time he was in a cosplay shop. He slipped the silk gown on again. It smelt just as good this morning. He rubbed a hand under his tail and sniffed it. Last night with Sandy had sent his scent glands into overdrive. He needed a shower, but a quick wash would have to do. The natural-scented lining the gown would probably neutralise most of it. He took a piss, scrubbed his hands and splashed his face, oiling his fur back to look slick, then went for the door.

A well dressed lioness and a teenage girl who had to be her daughter stood there. 'Hi, we saw lights on here last night for the first time in ages. You okay if we welcome you to the neighbourhood?' As if on a cue, the daughter held up the fruit basket she was carrying.

Lions, Trick thought. The kings of the Hollywood circus. 'By all means.'

'We're the Robinsons. I'm Tia and this is Lottie. I'm sorry Gerald isn't here, my husband. Work, I'm afraid. But he says to ask if you'll come for a barbeque later.'

Trick found his best friendly neighbour face, genuinely liking the idea of barbeque food. What time was it already? 'I'd love to. Tad Dixon. Call me Trick. That fruit basket looks wonderful. Please, come in.'

'What a charming young man,' Tia said, giving her daughter a nudge. Lottie rolled her eyes and huffed.

'I don't want to date an otter, Mom. I've told you.'

Tia gave a wry smile. 'Excuse my daughter. She _can_be polite sometimes. I'm so glad you like the basket. I wasn't sure if otters ate much fruit. I made a lucky guess on you being otters. There were lots of them here last week moving things around.'

'They didn't want to talk much,' Lottie said. 'It's like they were the otter mafia or something.'

'Lottie,' Tia said, with a parents' warning tone.

I'm wouldn't be so sure they weren't exactly that, Trick thought. 'I eat lots of fruit. Don't have much of a sweet tooth. Really, you shouldn't have.'

'Oh not at all.' Tia gave a warm smile. 'Are your parents home?'

Trick didn't know why it surprised him. Even last night, the cat didn't have his tongue like this. This was one of those tension building stage silences, even better than the one he'd held when looking at Sandy. 'Well, the thing about that is...' They're out doing business with the otter mafia. 'Well, this is kind of my place. I live here. On my own.'

Lottie looked like she'd suddenly changed her mind about dating otters. Tia just laughed. 'Oh very good, young man. You're wonderfully precocious. I knew I'd left it too late, they must be at work. What's a good time to call round later?'

The doorbell rang again.

'Excuse me,' Trick said. 'Would you both like some coffee? Give me a moment and I'll make some.' He opened the door. Kia looked stormingly angry.

'I am exhausted from not sleeping all night and I am major league fucking pissed_at you! Whoever's place this is I'd better be welcome and it _better have coffee.' He shoved past Trick and into the hallway, stopping dead as soon as he saw the lions, who were wide-eyed and alert. Most likely from the heavy smell of fellow predator with claws half out.

Kia put his hands to his mouth and took a calming breath. 'Okay. I'm sorry. Errr...can we just go, Trick? Tell me that story outs....what are you wearing?' For a moment, the gown disarmed Kia completely. He looked as though he could fawn all over the floral pattern and spend a good hour rubbing himself against the silk. Then he was back. 'Don't tell me. Wherever your clothes are, just go get dressed. It's walk of shame time. You owe me breakfast. And these good people have probably had enough of you.' Kia looked at them, relaxing a little, his claws back in. 'I'm sorry about my mouth a minute ago. We're good friends.' He touched the back of Trick's neck. 'I'm just a little bit angry with him right now, that's all. Never date an otter who doesn't call.'

Lotti's face fell again and she bristled up. 'You're his boyfriend?'

'Not for much longer.' Kia dug his claws in. 'Come on, boyfriend, we're going.' He looked at Tia and pawed the dressing gown. 'He'll return this later. Promise.' He marched Trick out of the door and slammed it behind him. 'Start your story. It had better be good.'

Trick grinned, trying not to laugh. 'This is my house, Kia.'

'What?'

'This is my house. I live here. I signed the deeds last night.'

'What? You stayed out all night buying a fucking house?_With what mon...' He stared down the street. 'No. _Nooooohohooo. When you said your dad showed up...this? For your birthday?'

Trick realised he hadn't seen it from this side yet. When he'd let Sandy in, he hadn't stepped outside and looked at the street entrance. It looked like a surfer's idea of a palace from this side.

'Told you I had big plans,' Trick said.

'Woah,' Kia said, as if he hadn't seen it before storming in either. 'Surf music my ass. This is why you wanted to go drinking on your own. Your Dad was showing up and he'd bought you a house? This house? You're making this up, right?' It took him another minute. 'Why couldn't you have just told me?'

'Well, y'know, I wanted to make sure I liked it first. So I didn't have to send it back and ask Dad for another one. What do you think, shall I keep it?'

Kia kept staring at it, then collected his senses, and Trick guessed which thought had brought them back. 'Now I know why you didn't want Kyle or your mom here. How the fuck are you going to tell him?'

'We'll work it out,' Trick said. 'After you've popped a couple of Valium and got a good afternoon's sleep.'

'I don't have any, Trick. I quit all that, remember? Okay, apart from the coke I scored for your party but that was for you.'

'No problem. Wait until you try one of the beds in this place. You'll be asleep before your head hits the pillow. And I'm sorry I made you worry all night. Trust me, when I tell you everything that happened you'll know why I forgot to call. Someone else needed me last night.'

'You got laid too? Your first night here?' Kia smiled now. 'You bastard. With who?'

'Before I tell you how I didn't get laid, what do you say we go and ring the doorbell and have my new neighbours let us back into my house? We'll eat some of that welcoming fruit basket they brought me for breakfast.'

Kia looked at the door like his stomach was full of bricks. 'Ooooh fuck.'

'They'll be fine. Trust me.'

'They're lions, Theodore.'

'Come on.' He offered his fist up. 'Catch a snep!'

Kia sighed and pumped it with his own. 'You first.'

The Robinsons let them back in, still looking as surprised and tentative as they had before.

'Shoooould...we maybe...perhaps we'll call back later?' Tia said.

'Tia, I'd like you to meet Kia.' Trick said. 'Kia, this is Tia. And this is Lottie.' He looked at her. 'Kia's not my boyfriend. What he said was just a little tongue in cheek. Can we all maybe have some coffee together and I can explain what that little misunderstanding was all about?' They almost looked sold. 'My Dad's Hollywood big bucks,' Trick said. 'That's why the otter mafia were here all last week. I like that name for them, by the way. It was my eighteenth on Monday. Dad surprised me last night with this house. So much I forgot to call the snep here. And forgot he had such a temper.'

Tia straightened up. 'Well, it's lovely to meet you both. I'm sorry, I should be used to this sort of thing. Your father's a producer? Who is he? And you do look so young. He should be putting your face on all his posters sometime soon. If he doesn't, we'll just have to tell him that my husband's the face of MGM and you come recommended.'

Kia was back to pie eyed now. 'You're married to Gerald Robinson? The MGM lion?'

'Yes I am,' Tia said.

Trust Kia to know the guy's actual name, Trick thought. How many people ever bothered looking that up?

'His Dad's Ty Goldman,' Kia said, as if knowing he'd get a moment of smirking revenge.

He got it. Whatever look came over Tia's face, Trick saw it even though she covered it quickly. She's probably a real estate agent or in sales, Trick thought. Or an actress. Except a good actress wouldn't be overplaying this. 'Ty Goldman, of course. I should have guessed from all the otters. But I thought you said your name was Dixon?'

'It is. Dad wasn't really much more to my mom than a sperm donor.'

Lottie sniggered, back to giving Trick the eye already. Tia put on her laughter. 'Oh, these producers. I'm sorry,' she said, turning and offering her hand to Kia. 'It's nice to meet a snow leopard, we so very rarely see them in this neighbourhood.'

'Errr...yeah, well...guess you caught a snep!' He clicked his tongue and winked. 'I'll just go put that coffee on, shall I?'

Trick resisted a wicked smile. 'Why don't you show Tia and Lottie into the front room? I'll make the coffee. It's all just through there, it joins onto the kitchen.' So I'll be able to hear everything. Sure enough:

'Oh!' Tia yelled. 'Okay, just...hold on there a second.' Probably to Lottie. In a whispered voice: 'Did he...is that guy _supposed_to be here?'

'How should I know?' Kia whispered back. 'I didn't even know he had this place!'

'You don't know who that is?'

'Is_that_ his boyfriend?' Lottie said, deliberately loud.

'I think we're going,' Tia said. 'Come on.'

'No_no,_ don't go! He'll be really upset. He probably just forgot he let a friend crash here. I don't know all his friends. Just...otters like to sleep on couches and not use blankets. Trust me. Trick forgets other species don't find it normal. Those guys walk around naked all the time at home. Saves taking clothes off when you've got a semi-aquatic house.'

Good save, Kia. A little exaggerated, but not bad.

'This house isn't semi-aquatic,' Lottie said. 'Why didn't his dad buy him one that was?'

'I dunno, because he's cheap?' Kia said.

Yeowch. I'm using that on Dad sometime.

'You keep telling me to try going out with other species, right?' Lottie said. 'I want to see that guy's bare butt.'

Trick sniggered.

'Don't you so much as move your feet, young lady!' A pause. 'How come he hasn't woken up?'

No sound from anyone. Damn the coffee machine, Trick wanted to hear if they were all taking a closer look.

He quickly poured the four cups as soon as the pot was full enough and took them in on a tray. None of his guests were sitting down. They were standing and pretending nothing was wrong, and trying not to look at Sandy's feet and tail, poking off the end of the couch.

'Oh. Yeah. Sandy. Don't worry, he is alive. Here, take this.' Trick handed Kia the tray. 'I'll just go get a blanket.'

'Trick,' Kia said. 'I don't think that guy's breathing.'

'Yeah yeah, nice try. Otters are deep sleepers, we can go down to twenty breaths a minute when we're totally under. You never seen Kyle do it?'

'Of course I fucking have,' Kia said. 'That's how know the difference and in case you hadn't noticed I'm not joking.'

Trick looked between Kia and the two lions, who both didn't seem to know whether they should agree or run.

'You're serious?' Trick said. 'Actually serious?'

'Actually serious, Trick. That guy does not look good.'

Dumping the tray on the nearest table, Trick went around to see Sandy lying eerily still. He touched his shoulder. 'Sandy?' He shook it. 'Sandy? Come on, wake up. Wake up!' Oh you stupid boy, what the fuck did you do after I went to bed? I left you here feeling so happy! What HAPPENED? You didn't know how to deal with HAPPINESS, and that made you do whatever the fuck you've done?

'I'll call an ambulance,' Tia said, now even more shaken but managing to find her phone. 'Lottie, go outside and wait to flag it down.'

'Hold on!' Trick said, touching his fingers to Sandy's neck and internally heaving the greatest sigh of relief he'd ever had. 'He's got a pulse. Okay...this is okay.' Why couldn't he be as calm as Sandy's body was right now? Trick hated any kind of adrenaline dump that wasn't brought on by surfing or a stage. He put his hand in front of Sandy's muzzle. 'Come on Sandy, take a breath. Come on. Tell me you're just asleep and not...' Shit, did all that food put him under? Is that what starve and stuff can do to someone?

Trick felt air on his hand.

'Oh thank God! It's okay Tia, hang up.'

'He should be waking up,' Tia said. 'I'm staying on the line. What if he took something? Does he do that, drugs?'

'No, I don't...' I don't know? How about I don't even know him?

Tia held up a hand and turned away. 'Yes, 2640 New Beach Trail please, there's an unresponsive otter here, he's breathing and he's got a pulse but we can't wake him up. No...hold on, I need to talk to his friend.' Back to Trick. 'Does your friend have diabetes?'

'I don't know. I hardly know anything about him, I only met him last night.' Oh Christ, why couldn't this all have stayed a joke? Diabetes? It made sense, thinking of the story he'd told. Type 2 most likely.

'I'll search his pockets,' Kia said, suddenly noticing the clothes that were on the floor.

'No!' Trick said.

'The fuck do you mean, "no"? We gotta see if he's got a medical card or insulin. I'm searching.'

And once you do that, you'll know the name he never wants anyone to know. That's important right now? What the fuck am I thinking? 'Okay, yeah, sorry, do it.'

'Lottie,' Tia said. 'I told you to go outside and wait. I don't want you to see this.'

'Duh, I already saw him naked, what are they gonna do, start doing surgery on him?'

'Now,' Tia said.

Trick sighed, feeling a second small breath of air on his hand. 'Sandy you idiot what did you do?' Trick tried shaking him again. Nothing.

'There's nothing in his wallet,' Kia said. 'It's just empty. Totally. Nothing in his pockets either.'

'Come on Sandy, wake up!' Trick said, trying to force back fearful tears. He'd never cried in fear in his life, and if Sandy...shit, it was because he wasn't used to his new name enough. People always woke up at their name. Why couldn't his wallet have just contained something, _anything_that might have given him a clue to his old one?

Lottie opened the door down the hall, then yelled 'Maybe one of you idiots should try tickling his feet. That'll wake anyone up.'

Trick and Kia looked at each other.

'It's alright,' Tia said. 'They'll be here in ten minutes.'

Trick stood up slowly, looking at Sandy's feet. He exchanged looks with Kia. 'I'll do it,' Kia said.

'Your claws are too sharp,' Trick said. 'I'm doing it.'

Kia knelt down where Trick had been, doing the same checks as if he couldn't quite believe Trick wasn't trying to cover something up by pretending his friend was alive. 'Trust me now?' Trick said when Kia's face changed to relief. 'Alright, get ready.'

'It's not going to work,' Kia muttered.

Trick stroked a finger down both of Sandy's feet. Nothing. He tried a claw. Still nothing. He moved his fingers about a little...

Sandy opened his eyes and snatched his feet away, pulling his knees to his chest. 'Oh!' he yelped.

Kia yowled, staggering back and tripping on his own feet, his backside thudding onto the rug, just missing the coffee table.

Sandy's eyes bulged, and he sucked a great heaving deep breath down. 'Oh s_hit!'_ He looked around himself frantically, then jumped to his feet, then looked frantically again, realising his nakedness. 'Cushions!' He yelled. 'Why the fuck haven't you got any cushions?!'

'I don't....that's important right now?' Trick could only just get words out. 'We thought you were dead!'

'You thought I was what? What happened?'

'You're asking me what happened? Why didn't you warn me you're nearly impossible to wake up?'

'Because I'm not! Am I?'

The room went silent. Everyone looked at each other, then all stares settled on the naked otter.

'Could I have a blanket please?' Sandy said.

Lottie, who had somehow come back in during the whole scene, burst out laughing. Tia looked stupefied, then realised she still had the live phone in her hand. 'I'm sorry, it's okay, we woke him up. Call it off. Well, we just tickled his fee... no, really, this wasn't a prank call, I'm so sorry, my daughter's just...I'm sorry we wasted your time.'

'Who_are_ these people, Trick?' Sandy said, seemingly no longer caring that his blanket request wasn't being fulfilled. 'This the snep you were telling me about who's gonna "induct me?" '

'Who's gonna what now?' Kia said.

'Oh for God's sake,' Trick said, trying to hide his relief shakes but knowing he could only fail. 'I'll go get your fucking blanket.'

'Or he could just put his clothes on,' Kia said, holding them up.

'Oh yeah,' Sandy said. 'Thanks.' He pulled them on, taking his time, and sat down on the sofa.

'Are you sure you're alright?' Tia said, keeping the same distance as if Sandy might put her in a coma just from being in close proximity.

'Yeah, I feel fine. Little surprised to wake up to a yowling snep and a room full of shocked people, but...yeah, I'm good. What exactly happened? I was really that hard to wake up?'

'Yes, you were,' Tia said. 'Until my daughter here...'

It had obviously dawned on Tia just like it was dawning on Trick too. 'How exactly_did_ you know tickling his feet would work?' Tia said. 'Why didn't you say that at the start?'

Lottie shrugged. 'I dunno, maybe because I wasn't thinking at all, because everyone was freaking the fuck out?'

'Young lady you watch your mouth.'

Lottie rolled her eyes, walked past her mother like she wasn't there, and sat on the couch next to Sandy. 'Your name's Sandy, right?'

'Yeah. Sandy Rickwood.'

'Well, Sandy Rickwood, it looks like you've got underwater sleeping syndrome. USS. Some people call it otter apnoea, even though it's nothing to do with sleep apnoae, any any species can get that.'

'USS?'

'Yep. It's when you go down below your usual twenty breaths in deep sleep but you don't quite stop altogether, but your body becomes so near-dormant it's like you're hibernating, even though you guys aren't supposed to hibernate. Faulty evolution at its best.'

'And I've got this thing? How did I never know? You a medical student?'

'I'm sixteen, dummy. I know because my friend's got it. Sometimes you don't know because it just starts happening. Any otter can get it pretty much any time. You need to go see a doctor and get your breathing checked out.'

Sure, Trick thought. That's why I'm thinking of all the conditions Mom and our family doctor between them ever warned me we could get and that's not on the list. Why's she doing this? He called up Wikipedia on his phone and tried a search. 'Well what do you know? Underwater Sleeping Syndrome. There it is.' What I'm not telling you's what else is written here besides the name of it. 'Do you_want_ to go to medical school, Lottie?' he asked, with the best seraphic smile he could put on.

'Nuh-uh,' Lottie said. 'Where's the fun in that? Mom keeps saying I gotta think about college, but I don't wanna go. I wanna be an agent to the stars. That's how you get rich without having to be famous.'

'Well why not?' Trick said. 'And you get to hustle.'

'You wanna be my first client, Sandy Rickwood? I _did_just make sure you're not gonna die in your sleep.'

'Oh Lottie, really!' Tia said. 'As much as I respect that you perhaps just saved the day, we're still guests in this house. And we're going. I think we've welcomed Trick to the neighbourhood quite enough.'

'Oh come on, don't go,' Trick said. 'Don't let one naked otter with an odd medical condition put you off. We haven't had our coffee yet. I'll go make a fresh pot and make enough for Sandy too. Before I run him up the hospital and we get him checked out for this otter apnoea.' He couldn't resist looking at Lottie. She grinned and turned towards the sliding doors, looking out at the beach, probably hoping nobody else had seen her do it. They probably hadn't, Trick thought.

By the time he'd made a second pot of coffee, Sandy had already introduced himself and started telling his story. Kia was obviously holding off asking what the "induct" thing had been about, and was looking at Trick mostly while he listened. Trick could see him thinking, trying to piece together what had happened last night, until Sandy straight up told them about the food Trick had made him after he almost fainted. He left out what they'd been doing right before it.

'Lottie was right,' Sandy said. 'Maybe I should see a doctor. Except I've got no insurance. They got one of those hospital clinics where you can get treated without it but you gotta wait for a few hours?'

'I'll take you and we'll see,' Trick said. 'First we'd better get your name sorted though. And a new ID card to go with it.'

'Won't that take a while?'

'We'll work this out,' Trick said. 'Don't worry about it.'

'My husband knows a lot of medics from the sets,' Tia said. 'I'm sure he could find someone who'd come over and look at you. All you've got to do's ask if you can't get seen at the clinic.' She'd been as taken with Sandy's story as most people would have been, almost as if it was worth all the drama that morning just to hear it. 'You guys are going to be busy today though. We'd better go.' She looked at her daughter. 'Come on, agent to the stars. Let's go talk about why you're trying college first.'

Lottie turned her head slightly and winked at all of them before they shut the front door behind them.

'I like that girl,' Trick said.

'Lottie?' Sandy said. 'Yeah, so do I.'

'She'll be a great agent,' Trick said.

'How'd you figure that?'

'Because of how she read that whole situation,' Trick said. 'Soon as I said you had a pulse and were breathing, she knew exactly what was wrong with you. Which by the way's nothing. She probably woke that friend of hers up the same way, except her friend's probably not even an otter. Just a deep sleeper.' He took out his phone again and showed Sandy the USS article, which started with ...is a medical theory proposed in the 1950s which has since been discredited.

'That whole thing was bullshit?' Sandy said.

'And she fed it to you so convincingly, after she set herself up as a hero,' Trick said. 'She can work a routine like that at sixteen? She'll be all over celebrities right across this state as soon as someone gives her an internship.'

'Why work that whole thing on us? How did she know we'd wanna be stars? Did you tell her?'

'I barely told her anything about me,' Trick said. 'But think about it. We're two young guys in a place like this with a connection to a producer already who bought us the place. How else we gonna keep living here? She read us like a book.'

'Shit,' Sandy said, sitting back, still holding Trick's phone. 'Am I that gullible?'

'You were in a situation she knew how to make something out of,' Trick said. 'When she becomes an agent, we're so hiring her. I've got a real feeling about that girl.'

'You act on it and you go to jail,' Kia said, looking bored with all of this.

'Not that kind of feeling, dickwad,' Trick said. 'Besides, even if I did, she won't be sixteen forever. Look out world as soon as she comes of age. Me and Sandy'll be ready, but it won't be anything to do with sex. She just needs a high school diploma and an agency who she can tell a story about how she once hustled a couple of otters under pressure.'

'Well this is all very nice, Trick,' Kia said. 'Nice that you're actually trying to make some sort of difference to someone else's_life for a change. Very sweet. Even if you did just meet him last night and get him to think that gross-sounding stew of yours was fit for the president. But you've got a real problem right here. Even _if Kyle doesn't throw the episode of his life and get on a plane back home when you tell him about this, even if you make up with your mom for not calling, and even if all your dreams are really coming true already, you've got a beach house full of your friends, and they're going to want to come over and party the fuck out of this brand new love nest until they're laughing at how it's on fire.'

'Remember the part where I told you to keep this to yourself and come alone?' Trick said. 'This is the part where you tell me you did that and let me worry about the rest later.'

'Everybody's expecting you back to go surfing,' Kia said. 'Later's gonna be half an hour.'

'No it isn't,' Trick said. 'Because you're going to tell them enough truth to stall things for a day. I went home with the bartender from Winslow's last night and we got hammered together while I was listening to the most amazing story, and once we've slept it off he needs my help to get a couple of things sorted in his life this afternoon. Just don't tell them we're really at my house which my dad just bought for me.'

'Kyle was in the kitchen when Mom started talking about Dad to you on the phone. He already suspects something.'

'Yeah? Well you know the one thing that'd make him forget it for a few hours. I already gave you the masterclass on how to get naughty with an otter. Why don't you see what you can teach him?'

'I don't even believe I'm hearing this,' Kia said.

'Come on, sneppers. For me? Think you could say "Hey Kyle, you're a selfish otter?"'

For all his sleep-deprived irritability, Kia did look intrigued by the idea. 'That'd never work on him. That's just for you. Wonder why it worked so well.'

Sandy looked equally curious, Trick thought.

'What would?' Trick said. 'You never thought of a magic line for him? Make it happen. It'll take the edge off both of you.'

Kia looked contemplative now, like he was trying to snap himself out of his tiredness. 'You know Trick, I was saving this for quieter moment after a bit more sleep, but I've really gotta talk to you about Kyle. You. Alone.' He looked at Sandy. 'No offence, it's a family thing.' Back to Trick again. 'This is gonna hit him real hard, Trick. I think you'd better know what else has been going on lately. When you asked me why we broke up....okay, do this thing you've gotta do today. I'll cover like you want.' He looked at Sandy. 'And I get it. I don't really have a heart made of stone and I loved hearing about how you're trying to turn your life around.' Back to Trick. 'But listen Trickster, I need to have that talk with you. Tonight, without you ducking out of it. Before you tell Kyle about this place. That's if your mom hasn't already called your dad and major level shit's kicked off back at the house already because everyone heard their row over this.'

'Relax. When Mom gets that angry, she goes all passive aggressive for hours while she thinks about how to really kick ass. You've seen it before. She won't call until tonight if she calls him at all. Know what? Tell her if you want. Just try and keep it quiet. Sleep in while everyone else goes surfing and catch her before they get back.'

'No.You're telling her.'

'Jeez, go sleep on my new bed for a couple of hours then,' Trick said. 'You're a bitch when you're like this.'

'Which bed did you claim last night?'

'The top room.'

'Good. It's gonna stink of snep when you sleep in it tonight.' Despite being tired, Kia still had quite a swagger in his step as he made his way up the stairs.

'Nice friend,' Sandy said. 'Real charmer.'

'Sleep deprived cats can be unholy to be around,' Trick said.

'The way he yowled though,' Sandy said, unable to help himself from smiling. 'And the way his butt hit the floor, bam, like that, I thought that only ever happened in cartoons.'

'Last night I told him he could fuck me when I came back from the bar still single.'

'Aw, is a little leopard all disappointed?'

'He_is_ going to cover for me,' Trick said. 'So how about we eat some donuts for breakfast and go get you your name?'