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CHAPTER 22

New Beginnings

_What the fuck just happened?_Rishi asked himself silently. The trip back was, for all intents and purposes, a quiet one as no one made a sound save for the clops of horse hoofs and the creak of wheels turning on their axles. Inside Rishi's head was a different matter as the mouse had a long, arduous, high volume argument with himself.

What do you mean 'what just happened?' You just did exactly what you said you were gonna do. You made an offer to Lord Allon to give yourself over to him in exchange for providing your family with the means to a better life and he's willing to accept.

But what did I do? This was supposed to be a lot harder for me, some great sacrifice for my family, but I can't help feeling like this is what I want.

What are you talking about? You were trembling when you walked into that hall. You walked back on this plan countless times, hesitated, nerve-wracked, and the only thing that propelled you forward was the idea that your wife and kids would finally get to live a peaceful life without worrying about war, hunger, fighting for survival, or sacrificing anything of their own. And speaking of sacrifice, why do you sound like that isn't what this is? The entire time you were in there, Sam and the kids were always on your mind. How many times did have to remind yourself that you were doing this for them? How many times did you want to just run out, leave it all behind, put this nightmare behind you so you could spend the rest of your life with the ones you love? Could you even tell yourself? You are making sacrifices and you know it. You need to stop acting like you did something wrong.

But I did do something wrong. When I went back to him, I went with a single goal in mind, to provide for my family. I was anxious, apprehensive, and a little lightheaded. I spent two years of my life giving myself to that man and letting him carry out his sick, twisted desires on me. I have a chance to finally end my suffering only to walk back up to him and offer to let him keep doing it for the rest of my life.

Yes, but you're doing it for a good cause. So, what did you do wrong?

All that apprehension, that anxiety, was completely gone by the time I left. After everything he did, tearing up my asshole, forcing me to sleep with someone that tried to bite my neck off, scratching up my face and leg, almost killing me, threatening my wife and kids, I should hate him. How can I not? He even asked me and I told him I didn't. Instead, I told him I felt warmth and comfort and care when he held me.

You needed to convince him you could stay with him and be happy, that you could continue to have sex with him and actually find peace of mind in that.

Except what I said wasn't merely some act. Those emotions, those things I said, they were all true. I actually felt comfort in his arms... protected. I could actually sense the sincerity of his regret when I looked into his eyes. I never felt this way towards him before. I always felt fear, hesitation, aversion. I felt none of that now.

You want to believe that he can change, that he really wants to make things right because he really does care about you, and maybe he does. It makes the idea of living out your life with him much easier to bear. You said yourself that you would never be able to forget what he's done to you and you haven't forgiven him for any of it either. But you also see in him a man that wants to work to correct his faults and earn your forgiveness. You want to place your trust in him and believe that he truly is a good man at heart.

Yes, but then I actually had the gall to begin asking him to dress me in fine clothes, dine on gourmet meals, getting treated like I'm royalty. How can I live like royalty if my family's not in the picture?

Rishi, you suffered for two years at that man's paws and the two years prior to that weren't no picnic either. Allon was right about one thing for sure; if anyone's earned the right to get a little pampering, it's you. And so what if you get to enjoy wearing beautiful clothing and eating the best prepared food? You said yourself that as long as your family's happy, you're happy. You'll still feel guilty for letting them go, you shouldn't feel guilty for giving yourself a break from peasant life.

Maybe. It's true, I haven't forgiven him yet, but I do believe he just wants to make things right. He hasn't hurt me or been rough with me since he stopped forcing me into his bed every day. And this is my choice. I'm not being forced to do it. I have the choice to leave and maybe that alone is enough to make me feel more confident to be with him, look into his eyes, hold him, have him hold me, and not feel like a victim, but like I'm actually controlling my life.

Exactly!

But still, what happened after that was just... so... confusing. I... kissed him... softly... gently... like a loving mate. I sniffed his scent. I made out with him like a rabid rodent, licking away at his teeth, suckling down his saliva like it was some sort of seductive elixir.

You know what you were doing. You told him. You had to prove to him that you were capable of doing all the things you've done up til now and not freak out about it. That's all.

But that's not all. When I smelled him, I enjoyed it. When I kissed him, I didn't wanna stop. When I drank his spit, I didn't want to gag. The entire time, I was becoming more and more enamored with the various aspects of his body: his musk, the smell of his breath, his huge, spikey tongue brushing up against the back of my throat.

It's been two years since you started having sex with the cougar. That much kissing and spending that much time whiffing the lord's scent, you're bound to get used to it.

I was more than used to it, I was enthralled by it. He did the same thing two weeks ago and I didn't think it was sexy, I thought it was disgusting. His tongue stayed in my mouth for at least ten minutes and the entire time I just wanted it out. This time, after I stopped the kiss the first time, I wanted more. I felt the urge to shove my muzzle into his and grab his tongue and suck on it like a giant honeycomb.

Well, it's been a while since you've been able to enjoy yourself in bed. Perhaps in your attempt to overcome your hindrance towards Allon, you allowed your desire for erotic pleasure to take control, willing to accept anything and anyone willing to sleep with you as pleasurable.

That might explain the kiss, but I don't think that would explain how I felt next. When he stuck his first finger inside me, I felt an explosion of stimulation that I could barely contain. I wanted to cry out in ecstasy, but I didn't. I held back at first. But when he stuck the second finger in me, spreading my tailhole wider, and began playing around with it, I couldn't control myself. I moaned, I shuffled around, and I got rock hard. It didn't just feel good, it felt amazing.

If your wife did that to you, you'd probably be thinking the same thing.

I don't think so. First of all, my wife's not got fingers that big. Second, her musk isn't that strong. Something about Allon's made it so powerful, so potent that it enhanced the experience. That and she never kissed me like that. She's tried, but it never had the same level of power, of strength, of magnificence. Third, I honestly think that the fact that the one doing it was a large male was what stimulated me like that.

Come now, do you honestly believe that a female feline of similar size couldn't get you off the same way as a male?

Honestly, I don't, because if it were a female, it would be my duty to penetrate her, but that's not what I was gonna do. I asked Allon to penetrate me, I wanted him to shove his dick up my ass, to feel his large cock spreading me wide open. How could a female make me feel that way?

Rishi, again, you know the answer. You were trying to prove to yourself and to Allon that you could handle that situation on a daily basis. You spent 2 months pleasuring the cougar on a daily basis and it nearly destroyed you. You had to accept that you could find comfort with it, enjoy it, accept it as a part of your life and not have to fight anymore. You overcompensated. You wanted to find pleasure and you did. You've admitted that getting fucked caused you to get hard before. Now, you were anticipating a similar reaction and your body had already accepted that. Like always, you're trying too hard to please everyone else that you're ignoring what's pleasing you.

If that's true, then why is it that I felt so disappointed when Allon pulled me off of him? Why is it that I feel empty inside that I don't have his long, fat member inside of me right now? Why is it that even now I'm secretly hoping that Sam agrees to this so that I get the chance to feel the lord's penis impaling me, filling me with his seed, as if he were attempting to impregnate me?

Maybe because what you really want is to be dominated by a large feline man and fucked like a bitch.

Really? Now you're giving in? I went through all that, fighting tooth and nail, and now there is nothing to contrast with it.

Think about it. You spent two years fighting against the cougar lord, feeling shame and guilt at being used like a sex object, your body seen as nothing more than a mere tool to get off in. He used you, he abused you, and after all this time you never got any pleasure from it, but why? Because you hated it? Not always. Pushing aside the threats, the domineering position, the pain and discomfort you felt in the beginning, you eventually came to realize that being mated by another man was not unpleasant. How many times did you get hard while Allon was screwing you? Could you even tell me? A lot. And when he told you to try to get used to his scent, you did more than that. Your body soon learned to associate his smell with the feeling of having a hard penis pressing against your prostate. After those months of agony in which all you associated with Allon was fear, things returned to normal, Allon became a gentle giant, and your attraction for the cougar began to resurface.

But I wasn't attracted to him.

Weren't you? Didn't you say the only reason you never got off from your exploits with him was because of Sam? Wasn't the fact that you were married the only thing keeping you from holding back? Two years Rishi. Two years of holding back, repressing your base urges, caging up your natural instincts to feel sexual pleasure. Two years worth of blue balls, if... you know... Sam weren't fucking you or... well... you weren't gettin' yourself off. You built up a desire for them, not just Allon, but the guards as well. Amarro, Kish, Dubois, and Jarai all seduced you in ways that you couldn't accept until now. Even Jarai with his potent and putrid musk tempted you. You didn't even have to do anything but lie there and let the cougar fuck you, but you couldn't. Pheromones literally being blown in your face and you held back, saving yourself for your wife, but now that that's gone downhill and you found yourself in bed with Allon with his erect penis sandwiched between your small, soft buns, you've finally started to realize how much you've wanted this. You've waited so long for the chance to finally enjoy this, but even now you deny it. You hold back, you act like you don't want this because deep down you still feel like you're cheating on Samantha. But push that aside and ask yourself: what do you really want?

... ... ... I ... ... ... I ... ... ... I want ... ... ...

See? You're still fighting it. You know the truth, but you don't want to accept it. You're worried it'll be too hard to take after everything that's happened. But think about it, if you accept what you really want and you know how to get it, wouldn't it just make it easier to go for it? You know it's Allon, you know he's hurt you in the past, but you want him and he's willing to do anything he can for you and your family. He worships you. So, why not just admit what you really want?

That's the problem. I don't know what I really want. I'm not denying that I don't feel a very strong physical attraction to Allon. I've known it for some time. It's true, I have suppressed my feelings because of my wife, but that doesn't mean my feelings in the past were actually clear. Sometimes I feel like they were flukes, fleeting feelings of pleasures of the moment. I also wonder, though, if... maybe... possibly... I wasn't going back to him and his men because deep down... I actually enjoyed sharing his bed. But I don't see how that could be. All I felt was pain and embarrassment. I felt small and weak and helpless. Why would I want to go back to that?

The body and the mind don't always work in tandem.

That's true. But if that's the case, then it's my mind that's changed and not my body. I've always wanted the lord physically, but now I've learned to accept it on a conscious level. And if I stay, then that means he wins. It means that sleeping with the lord has made me accept just what I am to him.

Well, let me ask you this: do you love him?

... ... ... No.

Are you sure?

I think... that that's the only thing I actually am sure of. I feel no love for the man for what he's done. I feel some semblance of sympathy and I want to forgive him, but I can't, not until he makes up for his past actions. I don't know what the future holds or what I will feel for him as time goes on, but for now, I know I do not love him. But I can't shake this desire to have him hold me in his arms, smell his scent, let him cum in my ass and dirty his cock with his jizz, so I can clean it up just so he can dirty it up again by fucking my ass. Such thoughts made me ill in the past, now they make me horny. I know I want his body, but I know what the cost is if I let him have mine.

It sounds like what you have is a purely physical attraction for the cougar and if that's the case, then he hasn't won. He no longer thinks of you as some sex object. He loves you, worships you, can't stop thinking about you. He'll admire you as long as you're his mate. If all you have is a physical attraction, then you have the advantage.

Yeah... I guess that's true.

So, then why can't you just admit what it is that you want?

... ... ... Sam.

You're worried about what your admittance might mean for your feelings towards Sam.

If I think I want a physical relationship with Allon, that means that I don't want one with Sam, doesn't it? I mean, how can I as a man, as a husband, admit to something like that and still feel honorable about what I'm doing?

Well, try and be honest. That's the only way you're going to figure this out. Do you want to be with Allon?

I don't know.

OK. Well, do you want to be with Sam?

I... I... I... ye- I... I just don't know!

Well, if you can't figure that out, then are you sure you want to be with either of them?

That's a stupid question.

Is it? If you can't decide which one you want to be with, then maybe what you want is to be free of both of them, to be rid of every reminder of the pain you've suffered over the last four years. Is that really so hard to grasp?

... ... ...

"Hey, mouse. You awake?" came a voice next to Rishi.

He started as he was aroused from his thoughts, so lost in his daydreams that he forgot he was on a horse-drawn cart. He turned to the driver who roused him and groggily nodded his head. "Ye- yeah. I am."

"Well, we're almost there," the driver announced as they rounded the corner.

The dynamic discussion Rishi had in his head brought a new sense of confusion and worry to the rodent. He knew he wanted to be with Sam and the kids and he wanted them to be happy. He wanted more than anything to make sure they were safe and the thought of losing them gave him an ache in the pit of his stomach. But the mouse couldn't stop lusting after the feline that was more than half as much taller than him and much, much bigger. Everything about the lord aroused him, despite his resentment towards Allon for the way he's treated him over the last two years.

He knew that what he was doing was right, but he was still lost as to what his heart truly desired. And the idea that his attraction to Allon was nothing more than physical was an intriguing thought and certainly made sense when considering most everything that happened tonight. If that were the case, then it would certainly make things easier, but there was one problem. That moment when Rishi looked into Allon's eyes, he felt something that went further than the physical. He felt an emotional connection with the cougar, something he hadn't felt before tonight and the very essence of that connection made Rishi question everything he knew about himself. Whether or not there was an actual emotional connection, the fact that for these two years he always wanted to leave but never could meant that Allon always had him under his control. Nothing's changed, though, because now he has the means to leave, but his body doesn't want him to, which means that without even intending it, the cougar still had control over Rishi.

They pulled up at his house and Rishi, rather slowly, dismounted the cart. The soldier wished him good night and unceremoniously made his way back to the High Court. Rishi stood outside the gate looking back at his house, all the lights having been put out inside, pondering what meaning his life had now. It has been three years since they erected the High Court and therefore three years since they began making offerings to the Identines. It's been two years since he began offering his body as tribute and as he thought back over the years, the familiarity with which he felt towards what he was doing made him wonder. How many times has he seen his house this way having come home from visiting the High Court? How many times has he seen his house from having been dropped off by horse-drawn carriage? How many times has he seen his house lit up with candle light or lantern? How many times has he seen his house as dark as this? And although he recounted the numerous scenarios that came up similar or identical to this one, he was still experiencing something new. How many times has he come home in order to tell his wife he might leave her for Allon? None.

He dreaded this moment, his mind still plagued by unrest over the conflicting desires his mind and body wanted. He was tired, he was anxious, and he wanted this night to be over with. There was no way to predict how his wife would react to the deal he just made, so he took a deep breath and forced himself to march on in. Once inside, he saw his wife sleeping on the couch, the kids out of sight, probably in their own beds upstairs. Rishi took a few steps forward, Sam's face lit up by the light seeping in through the front window and as he stared at her, suddenly his heart lifted and the tumult he fostered inside of him was gone. He smiled as everything he thought didn't make sense suddenly made perfect sense and for the first time since he couldn't remember when, he was happy. His wife was safe, his children were safe, he was no longer bound to the lord's wishes, he had options of where to take his life, and even though his future was not entirely certain, he had everything he needed.

He stepped over to Sam and slowly sat down next to her. The fur on her cheeks was matted and Rishi knew she'd been crying. He felt a sense of sorrow for her, but couldn't shake the ethereal sensation of bliss that had finally come his way. He reached up and began softly caressing her cheek, brushing over her whiskers, looking down at her with love and adoration. Sam twitched as Rishi brushed her whiskers, moaning as eventually she awoke, looking back up at her husband in a dream-like state, taking a moment for reality to catch up with her before she realized she wasn't asleep.

"Rishi?"

Rishi smiled wide at his wife. "Yes, Sam."

Sam rubbed her face to get the sleep out and then reached over and hugged her hubby, holding him close. Rishi responded by holding her back, resting his head on hers. "I put the kids to bed. They weren't happy that you hadn't come home yet." She spoke with a hushed tone and Rishi paralleled her.

"Hm, I bet."

"So... what did you talk about with Lord Allon?"

Rishi furrowed his brow in confusion, pulling out of the hug and staring back at his wife. "How did you know that's where I went?"

"Where else would you have gone?" Rishi chuckled and Sam sniffed the air around her husband. "I don't smell him on you, though. I do smell something else. What is that?"

"It's lavender. I haven't washed up yet today and I wanted to smell clean, so I used some of Allon's soap."

"Well, I'm guessing that's not why you went to visit the lord of the Plains, is it?"

Rishi's expression changed to a serious, more dire one as he thought about what he was going to say to his wife. "Sam, we have to consider what's best for us, what's best for our kids. I mean, if we leave here, together, and head to Gellikor, then we're just going to continue on living this lifestyle with no change. We'll constantly struggle to survive, work our lives away, get little to nothing back, and in the end we'll just wind up waiting for the day when we can barely pay for food, our taxes, until we're thrown out of our home and into the streets, begging for coin or selling our bodies. That's not the life I want for us, but I can't do us any good in the city. However, I can do good for us here."

Sam started to look nervous at what she thought her husband was suggesting. "Wait, Rishi, are you saying you wanna stay? After the lord gives us a free ride north, you wanna keep us here?"

Rishi shook his head and held up his paws. "No, Sam, just listen." He rested his paw on her thigh. "I've spoken with Allon and... I made him a deal. He's agreed to provide you and the kids a home up north, ensured your security, made it so that you guys will never have to worry about food ever again. The kids will get an education, you'll get to farm, to work if you wish-"

"Wait, wait, Rishi. What do you mean us? What about you?"

"That's just it, hun. He's agreed to do all this... if I stay."

Samantha sat silent for a moment, her expression one of stunned disappointment. "What?"

"I will stay... and be his mate. Not as a tribute or some escort, but as his mate."

The more Rishi revealed to her, the more devastated she looked. "How could he ask something of you after everything that's happened?"

Rishi paused, recognizing the pain the next revelation would cause his wife. "Actually, Sam... it was my idea."

Sam looked absolutely bewildered and had to look away, speechless at what her husband just revealed. She stood up and moved away, Rishi retracted his paw and watched as the gray-furred mouse wandered around slowly in the moonlight. Rishi sat worried about what she would say or do, her reaction about what he expected it to be. For a while, Sam said nothing and didn't raise her head to look back at Rishi, wandering around in circles trying to figure out what to say. Eventually, she stopped and turned to her husband.

"So you're giving up on this family," she accused him.

"I'm not giving up on you Sam, or the kids. I'm doing this for you, so you never have to struggle with food or taxes, so the kids can grow up in a stable home, get a good education, and have a good outlook for their futures."

Sam huffed and crossed her arms, turning away from Rishi again, but this time standing in place as she stared thoughtfully out the window. Another long pause followed as Rishi was practically holding his breath, nerves at their peak as he waited for his wife to respond. Eventually, she turned back around, her expression changed to complete nonchalance. It was unreadable.

"I believe you." Rishi breathed a sigh of relief as Sam began to walk back towards him. "So you're going to stay here?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe? So you haven't decided yet."

"You're my wife, Sam. Despite our problems, I'm not going to make a decision like this on my own. I want your opinion. I want to know what you want. If you want me to go with you, I will. If you think this deal would be best for all of us, then I'll stay."

Sam took a deep breath as she stopped right next to Rishi and they locked eyes, staring at each other as they both considered their futures, together and apart. Sam eventually sat down next to her husband. "What do you want, Rishi?"

Rishi smiled wide and placed a paw on Sam's shoulder. "What I want is for you and the kids to be happy. I want you, Tessa, and the boys to have a good life, to have a future where you're happy, to-"

Sam rubbed her forehead in irritation. "No, no, Rishi, that's not an answer. You can't keep blowing off your own interests and well being for others. You've gone through so much, suffered so much at the hands of the Ferochens, the hands of that... cougar... even at my hands. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to think of yourself after everything you've gone through. You do and I want to know what that is."

She looked back at him determined to know the answer and Rishi couldn't help but find it heartwarming that his wife and Allon were both being so concerned with his wants and desires. He asked himself this question just a moment ago and he couldn't figure it out before, but now he knew the answer. There was no doubt in his mind.

"If I'm being honest... I want both of you."

Sam cocked her head to the side and furrowed her brow in confusion. "Seriously?" Rishi nodded his head while smiling. Sam brought her paw up and rubbed the scars on Rishi's face. "Have you forgotten what that man did to you?"

"Of course not. Believe me, I almost didn't make it back to the High Court. I kept arguing with myself whether or not I was making the right decision, but the thought of you and the kids living in the street, barely eating, was just too much for me to handle. That's what gave me the courage to face Allon and make this agreement. But once I was in lord's bedchamber, something changed. I started looking at him differently, not as the lord of Darreen or the man who forced me into his bed. Just as a man, a large, feline man who... I- I'm... ... ... I'm attracted to."

Sam sat in disbelief at what her husband was telling her. "Did you sleep with him?"

Rishi drew an expression of guilt on his face, but before Sam could read to much into it, he spoke again. "Almost. I actually asked him to... well... do me." Sam turned away, shocked and mortified. "Not out of self-interest, but to ensure that I could handle bedding him for the rest of my life. But we did do things, Sam, and in that moment, I realized that after sleeping with him and his men for so long, I've grown accustomed to their presence."

Sam rubbed her temples, unsure how to proceed given the information her husband was providing her. "Do... do you love him?"

Rishi chuckled. "No." She looked into his eyes, trying to determine the sincerity of his words. "I still haven't forgiven him for what he's done and he will be making it up to me for as long as he lives, but that's not what this is about. Remember I admitted to you that I enjoyed some of my time with them? Two years I spent bedding those felines and on countless occasions I found enjoyment in it, which means two years of suppressing my base urges, of keeping myself from finding gratification from their treatment of me. I think... I think all that time of holding back has built up tension within me that I've always wanted to release, but never could. When I was with Allon tonight, I felt like I finally had the chance to release that tension, not just because of you and me, but because I never felt free. I've always done things out of obligation or fear or guilt, but this was the first time I felt like I was doing something because I had the freedom to choose. Once I had that freedom, I realized what I truly wanted was to just let go, to listen to my body for once and not just my mind. I know it doesn't make much sense, but that's how I feel." Sam sat silently, her eyes gazing at the floor.

"But it's just a physical attraction. There's nothing deeper between us other than that. There is for him, I know, but for me... my heart was given to someone else long ago." Sam looked up at Rishi, her eyes dead and apathetic. "It's been hard on us, harder on you I think because you always objected to this agreement. It wasn't fair to you, but I forced you through it. Our relationship may be irreconcilable, but my heart will always belong to you... and to the kids. I love you, Sam. Ever since we met, I've always felt a kinship with you and every night we spent together was magic. There's a bond that exists between us that could never be broken. Allon will never have that, Greg will never have that. You may not be in love with me anymore, Sam, but I know you feel the same way I do."

Sam continued to stare at her husband for a while, the same lifeless expression on her face. After a moment, she stood up and slowly walked over to the staircase, placing a paw on the railing and staring down at the base step with her back to her husband. Rishi turned to stare at her, waiting for a response, a sense of growing animosity towards him seeming to rise in her.

"And if I stayed here too... ... ... how would that work?"

Rishi shook his head. "It wouldn't, Sam. If we both stayed, do you think you could stay with me knowing I was willingly sharing a bed with another man?"

Sam took her paw off the railing, her back still to Rishi. "No, I couldn't." She turned around again. "But the thought of leaving you here is weighing on me just as heavily. I was with you through the years, Rishi. I watched you come home limping, bleeding, crying, frightened for your life. He raped you, Rishi. Even if you've never been willing to call it that, that's what it is. He threatened me and the kids to keep you sleeping with him. Now, you're going to run back and offer to give that same person exactly what he wants?" Rishi looked downhearted, unable to give her an explanation of his feelings.

"Rishi, look, if you're physically attracted to him, I get it. Two years of constant sex with the same person, even under coercion, could lead to someone developing feelings for them. But how could you even look that man in the eyes, let alone let him take you in his bed given how he's treated you? That man should be paying for a home in the city for both of us, not making a deal with you in exchange for a happy life for just me. Why aren't you writhing with anger towards him like I am?"

Rishi smiled and gave a light chuff. "You know, Allon posed me a similar question. He asked me if I hate him. He asked me three times in fact: once before I knew you had left, a second time after he offered me a free ride to the city, and one last time when I went to see him just now. I have to admit, that's a question I've asked myself every day for quite some time and if you asked me ten months ago, I probably wouldn't hesitate to say yes. I'm not going to try to make excuses for Allon. He wronged us, he wronged me, and he should be punished for it.

"But, in the last ten months, I've had the chance to see the lord in a way that no one else has. I've been able to look into his eyes when he's holding me or when he's bedding me and see the man that was hidden away underneath. I held onto the fear, the disgust, the anxiety I've felt towards him that entire time and not once did he give me any reason to justify those feelings. I have no need to fear him anymore, to assume he's going to hurt me. In fact, he's gone out of his way to prove to me that he doesn't want to hurt me ever again. I've spent the last year hoping to leave this place, but now that I can I realize that I have nothing outside of these lands. The only reason I wanted out so bad was because I felt used and frightened. I don't feel that anymore. I feel free, calm, and in charge of my own destiny."

Rishi stood up and slowly walked over to Sam. "The only reason I have to leave now is to be with you and our children and I only want what's best for you and for them. If I stay, Allon will guarantee that you get everything you need. The kids will get a good schooling, a house, everything they want."

Sam paused as she looked up into her husband's eyes with a sullen look. "But they won't have a father."

Rishi stood next to Sam, his own expression a downtrodden one. "I know. God knows, they've been instrumental in getting me through this whole ordeal. Spending time with them has been the highlight of many a day. Watching Tessa learn to swim, playing games with Dex, watching Jim and Dan as they sleep. It all brings a smile to my face thinking about it and tears to my eyes thinking about what I'll be missing. But, if it means guaranteeing a better future for our kids, I won't hesitate to do it. And besides, I think you can do better than me."

Sam looked a bit incensed by his last statement. "What does that mean?"

"In the last four years, I have done what I could to provide for you, to protect you, but all I've been is a submissive sheep to everyone. I haven't been able to perform my husbandly duties and I feel ashamed for it. To be honest, I think I was always meant to be protected, not do the protecting. You deserve someone who can watch out for you, keep you safe and stand up for you in ways that I never could."

Sam let out a soft sigh as she took Rishi's hand in her own. "Rishi, you give me too little credit. I didn't fall in love with you because I expected you to look out for me. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. I fell in love with you because you're sweet and kind and a I always knew you would be a good father. And..." She paused. "... because I knew you would do anything for this family."

Rishi smiled. "I would. I would have sacrificed myself to keep you guys safe. I'm glad I didn't, though. Before I die, I want the chance to see you and the kids happy again."

"And I want to see you happy too." Rishi smiled a loving grin at his wife. "Could you really be happy spending the rest of your life in bed with another man?"

"I don't see why not. You seem to really like it."

Sam grinned widely, trying to suppress a chuckle, forcing a paw to her muzzle to keep from waking the kids. "That's not funny, Rishi."

"Then why are you laughing, Sam?"

Sam looked away, trying to hide the fact that she was actually starting to cry. "I'm not laughing, Rishi. I just don't know what to do."

She stepped away, walking slowly towards the couch. Rishi walked behind her, placing his paws on her arms in a comforting manner. "Just think about our conversation earlier. Do you think we could really be happy together? Do you honestly think our marriage could survive this move?"

Sam didn't answer right away, staring down at the couch, running her paws along it absentmindedly. "That's not the point, Rishi. I'm your wife. I promised to stick with you through the bad times and the good."

"Sam, I don't want you to decide based on guilt. I've been living with guilt for the last two years and trust me, you don't want to live your life that way."

"And the kids?"

"I honestly think this would be the best thing for them. And don't worry, I'll come to visit as often as I can." Sam rubbed her face, the exhaustion evident in her movements. "But if you really don't wanna leave me behind, then I won't let you go without me."

Sam let out a sigh. "I don't know, Rishi. I can't think straight."

"Hey." Rishi turned his wife around to look at him. "We've both had a long day. You're tired, I'm tired. Why don't we just head to bed and sleep on it? We have time to make our decision. Let's discuss things when we've had a good night's rest."

Sam looked like she was trying to smile, but was too tired to manage. "That sounds good."

Rishi smiled back at Sam as he put his arm around her shoulder and led her to the bedroom. The mice undressed, slipping into their underwear and sliding under the covers of the bed, lying on their sides and staring into their spouse's eyes. Before the warm, comforting blanket of sleep could take them away, they stared at each other, trying to get a sense of the feelings they still held for each other. Although they still admitted love for one another, neither Rishi nor Sam could look at their significant other with the same level of affection as they felt when they first married. Before their eyelids fell and they drifted off to unconsciousness, they imagined what life would be like without the other and it was a difficult thought for both of them to make.

******

Three days later and Rishi was loading the last of the baggage onto the wagon, this time a true passenger carriage with seats, padded down with cushions and sheets. He was dressed in his finest clothes which consisted of a clean tunic and a pair of leather pants, which were not much fancier than his normal clothes. The mouse stepped up onto cart, carrying the bag to the front of the wagon, fully covered to protect the passengers from the weather. He placed it down next to the rest of the mice's luggage and stepped off onto the road. The morning sun was climbing up into the sky from the east, a cool morning breeze sweeping over the Plains as a small party prepared to leave, escorting the Winslow's to the city. Several Felis soldiers stood guard as two more waited in the drivers seat, one of high rank, and two more on horseback waited ahead of the passenger cart. Off to the right stood Allon dressed not in a simple loincloth, but in his royal garments, a dashing singlet of different shades of green and yellow in an intricate pattern.

As Rishi stepped off, he saw his wife and children approaching, Sam leading them along with their wooden cart carrying the twins. No one was particularly happy at that moment, though Tessa and Dex looked completely depressed. They were leaving their home, their birthplace, behind and moving to completely new territory where they knew no one and nothing of the local customs. Rishi understood their sadness, but he also knew they would come to enjoy it, the food, the landscape, the bustling throngs of people, and above all else, there would be no more tributes to be paid.

As they approached, Rishi looked to his left to see Allon standing there, Dubois and Kish standing guard behind him, decked out in full armor. The mouse felt a bit uneasy still about the situation and needed some reassurance. He turned and jogged over to the cougar and looked up at him with a concerned expression on his face. Allon gazed back down at him, the mouse hesitant to speak his mind still, unable to suppress the feeling that he was overstepping his bounds. In three days, he's calmed down a bit, cleared his mind, and let his heightened emotions return to normal.

"Allon, my lord, do you guarantee that everything's gonna be alright?"

Allon opened his mouth to make a correction to Rishi's statement, but he knew the mouse was in a fragile state of mind, so he let it pass for now. Instead, he just nodded. "I promise you, Rishi, everything will be fine. The general will speak for me in my stead and see to it that everything goes the way it's supposed to."

Rishi still looked a bit uneasy, but took the lord at his word and nodded with a smile of appreciation. He turned to see his wife and kids waiting for him next to the wagon, impatience overcoming the white-furred rodent. He turned back to Allon to say something, but the cougar held up a paw. "Go. It's alright."

Rishi held his breath a moment and then smiled, turning and jogging back to his family. He quit short and walked up to Sam, taking her paws in his and looking into her eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but realized he wasn't sure what to say and let out a nervous chuckle. Sam responded by mirroring his actions, wanting to say something, but unable to, turning away and staring nervously at the ground. After a long pause, she spoke up in a soft voice.

"The kids are gonna miss you."

"I know. I'm gonna miss them too."

Sam looked back up at her husband. "I'm gonna miss you."

Rishi held her paws tight. "I'm gonna miss you."

They stared at each other a moment, thoughts of regret at what they were doing shining through, until Tessa interrupted their moment. "Daddy, do you really have to stay?"

Rishi looked down at his daughter, the little mouse getting so big. He bent down and smiled brightly at her. "Yes, sweety. But don't worry, you'll still have mom to look out for you. And I know it's scary now, but you're moving to the city and you're gonna be staying in a big house and there will be lots of kids your age to play with. There are beaches and rocks to climb and lots of stuff to do in the city. You're gonna have a blast. You'll see."

"Will you come visit us?"

Rishi's smile widened. "Of course I will."

"Every weekend?"

Rishi knew that wasn't an option, looking away, deciding how to respond without hurting her feelings. "We'll see, honey. We'll see."

With that, the little mouse hugged her father, Rishi hugging her back, patting her gently. He let go and turned to Dex. "Hey there little man. You scared?" The young boy shook his head. "You don't wanna leave, do you?"

"I don't want you to stay," the young mouse blurted out, making Rishi's heart melt, wishing he were actually going with them.

"I know, Dex, but I have to. I can't go with you."

"Why not?"

Rishi knew this question would come up. "Well, it's my job now. I have to stay to do my job. I'm acting as a sort of... adviser to Lord Allon. Since that's what I'm doing, I have to stay here in order to do my job. But that just means you'll be living like a king up in the city. You'll get good clothes, good food, and hey, living in a big house, in the big city, there'll be plenty of little girl mice for you to charm. Show 'em what a Winslow man is all about."

Rishi flashed his son a toothy, shit-eating grin as he teased him, trying to lighten the mood, but the young mouse didn't seem any more cheery. Instead, he just lept forward and embraced his father, hugging him as tight as he could. Sam looked up at Allon, the idea that her husband could be his adviser never crossed her mind. To her, the cougar was nothing more than a pimp, and in her mind, Rishi meant nothing more to him than a common whore. She figured she might be wrong, but she could never shake the idea out of her head, not after everything the cougar put her husband through.

After a rather long hug, Rishi finally pried his second oldest off of him, who proceeded to just stare up at his father. "Tessa," Samantha said to her daughter. "You and Dex grab Jim and Dan and climb up onto the carriage. I'll grab the cart."

Tessa looked up at her mother, tempted to defy her, but ultimately did as she was told, grabbing one of the twins and carrying him up onto the covered wagon. Dex, after realizing that pouting wasn't going to get his father to change his mind, turned away, grabbing the second twin and attempting to climb on board. Rishi turned and hoisted up his two boys, who then moved towards the front of the wagon, Dex sitting next to his sister on the same side.

Sam turned to Rishi, looking past him back towards the well-dressed cougar, a look of disdain and contempt in her eyes. "You sure you can trust him?"

Rishi turned back, giving the lord a look of his own. Allon turned to look at him, but immediately looked away. Rishi turned back to his wife and smiled. "Yes, Sam, I can." Rishi saw the skepticism in her face. "Look, if anything happens, if he hurts me or yells at me for any reason, it's over. I will leave, come find you, and we'll take our chances on our own, OK?" Sam nodded, still seeming a bit doubtful. "Hey, if this is too much, it's not too late to change our minds. I can go back to the house, pack up some clothes, and we'll leave together."

Sam turned once more to gaze at the large feline, the ruler of the place that since birth she called home. In her mind, all she could feel was utter contempt for everything that's happened to her and Rishi over the years and in her opinion he drove her out of it. She didn't know what waited for her in Gellikor, but after the last three days, she knew that her relationship with Rishi was over. There was no spark, no drive, no desire anymore and for that she felt at fault, unwilling to try to work through it.

She shook her head. "No. This is the right thing to do. If you honestly think you can be happy here, then I'll be OK."

Rishi smiled back at Sam, making her heart melt in ways it hasn't before. To her, Rishi was showing far more strength of character than she was, putting her and their children above her own wants and desires. This was his choice as much as hers, but after deliberating over their options, she realized that even if they moved away together, she'd never stop imagining her husband with those felines. She needed an escape which meant she needed to let Rishi go, but after so many years together, suffering through all they had together, it was hard to do so.

Tears began to well up in her eyes as she stepped forward and embraced her husband, holding him tightly. Rishi wrapped his arms around her, holding her just as tight, closing his eyes and savoring their last moments together as a couple. Sam didn't hold back, the tears soaking into Rishi's tunic as she began to sob softly. Rishi's heart began to break, the ordeal more arduous than he anticipated, but he was stronger, managing to hold back his own emotional instability for the sake of his family. Tessa and Dex looked sad, but were braving the situation like champions.

"You better come visit, and soon," Sam commanded of Rishi.

"I will. As soon as you guys are settled, I'll meet up with you, some time in the next month."

"The kids will need you there often. How often do you think you'll be able to visit?"

"I don't know, but I'll try to be there as much as I can."

Sam sniffled again and hugged tighter, Rishi holding his wife close as not a sound was made by anyone else. Finally, the two broke their embrace, Sam's face wet from crying. She wiped away her tears and forced a smile, holding her husband's paws for one last moment of affection. They gazed into each others eyes, their expressions saying their last goodbyes which words could not. Sam turned and looked at her kids, Tessa looking ready to break down and cry. She released Rishi's paws and gave him a single peck on the cheek.

"Goodbye... Rishi."

"Goodbye, Sam."

Sam, with one final gaze towards her husband, turned away, ready to mount the carriage that will take her and her children to a new life. But before that, she turned once more to the cougar lord officiating their departure. She had one last thing to say before she left, and though she didn't quite trust the feline, Rishi did and she had to trust in him enough to make one final request of the puma. She turned and marched over to him, walking with a sense of both urgency and hesitation.

Kish cocked an eyebrow and joked to the lord, "If she starts yelling at you again, you want us to just sit back and... enjoy?"

Allon cocked a small smile, but didn't turn around. "Let's just see what happens."

Sam stopped a few feet short of the lord, staring down at his chest, worried to look up into his eyes. Finally, gaining her courage, she looked up, the puma looking down at her with sympathy and patience. Sam suddenly realized what Rishi meant as she no longer felt fear or even apprehension. She still felt a bit nervous as the large cat was still lord of the Plains and was multitudes bigger than her, but she no longer needed to force herself to confront him.

"Take care of my beau, alright. He wants to stay here with you. You have to make sure you never hurt him again, physically or mentally. He's already been through too much in his life. He doesn't deserve to be let down again."

Allon took a deep breath and smiled. "Sam, you have a wonderful husband and I understand wholeheartedly that he deserves a good life. I promise you, on my honor as a lord of Identine that he will never suffer again. Nothing matters more to me than the well being of Master Rishi."

Sam let out a sigh of relief, bowing with respect. "Thank you, Lord Allon."

As she raised her head, she saw Allon bowing to her. "Thank you, Madam."

A small grin came to her face and she didn't even force it. Sam was actually impressed by the cougar's gratification and found a semblance of happiness from it. It faded as she turned around and walked back to the carriage. Rishi stood next to it and offered Sam a hand in climbing into the back. He also raised the baby cart and handed it to her as she settled on the seat next to Tessa and Dex. Rishi stepped back and smiled as Sam smiled back, waving a paw at the white mouse. Rishi waved back and with a fling of the reigns and a "hyah!", the carriage was on it's way.

The wagon began to move north with the two escorts, getting smaller and smaller as Rishi watched his wife and kids travel past the gates, on their way to a new and better life. He lowered his paw as he heard the faint sound of Tessa crying as they moved past the boundaries of Darreen. His heart sank and his smile faded quickly once Sam was far enough away and was replaced with devastation. His wife, his kids, everything he fought and suffered for was leaving him. This was what he prepared for, but it didn't ease the pain he felt. His heart ached and his stomach was in knots and he could no longer hold back the tears. They welled up and fell without any resistance, but he didn't sob, not because he thought it showed weakness, but because he needed to keep up his strength for just a little longer.

"Alright, men, dismissed!" Kish called out to the soldiers who immediately disbanded. The tiger and cheetah stood firm next to their leader, who kept his position on the sidelines watching his new mate stare endlessly at his family as they slowly disappeared. Rishi wasn't moving, wasn't making a sound, and it concerned Allon, but after what he gave up to stay with him he wasn't about to disturb the rodent. Rishi would need time to adjust to this new lifestyle and Allon didn't want to exacerbate it by rushing him into his new role.