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"FIIIIIIILLIES AND GENTLECOLTS~!" Pinkie Pie's voice echoed with a classic stadium reverb despite the weather-beaten wood that made up the walls and high roof of Applejack's barn, and AJ could almost swear she could hear the sound of a crowd cheering. She had long ago stopped questioning how Pinkie managed to make things work out, she just accepted it, "Tonight, it is my pleasure, honor, joy, and most of all, honjoysure to present to you... Fighting out of the red corner, the Sweet Scientist of Sugarcube Corner. She is the reigning, defending, self-proclaimed nude boxing champion of Ponyville.... PINKAMINA DIANE "PINKIE" PIE!"

Pinkie took out a little handpuppet with a Pinkie Pie T-shirt and mouthed "Yay, she's my hero!" Applejack chuckled at the theatrics.

"Yaknow, Pinkie, ya don't need a ring entrance for a casual match."

"Aww, but AJ, it makes it feel special!" She beamed at her, tossing the hand puppet to the side, and patting her gloves together, "Besides, it's my first title defense! It's gotta be good, don't ya think?"

"Ya know self-proclaimed means it's not a real title, right?"

"Well it's real to me, AJ!" Pinkie hopped a little in excitement, "How about you, what's yours like?"

AJ leaned against the woven ropes and shook her head, "'Fraid Ah don't got one of those. Ah mostly spend mah boxing time, well... Boxin'." She grinned, "Don't need anything else for it."

"Not even clothes!" Pinkie added, and she was right on that. For reasons that had partly to do with the fun of the bout, and mostly to do with the fact that the temperatures in the Apple barn in summer could reach well over 100 degrees even before you started exercising, the pair of mares had chosen to box in the nude.

"Well, easier to hit the punchin' bags when you can see 'em~" AJ smiled.

"Ooh, that was a funny one AJ!" Pinkie smiled, "Don't worry, I can come up with an announcement for ya!"

"That really ain't gonna be nece-"

"AND NOW, FIGHTING OUT OF THE BLUE CORNER... The Awesome Attacker of Sweet Apple Acres, the holder of the Element of Honesty, and six time Equestria-wide and ten time Apple Family Applebucking champion... The Challenger... APPLEJACK APPLE!"

Applejack rolled her eyes, "You done there, Pink?"

Pinkie nodded, stepping into the center, gloves out to touch gloves. AJ sighed, the point was boxing not replicating a big-fight feel, but if that's what it took to get to the part where they got to have some fun, she'd do it. Stepping back, she looked Pinkie in the eye.

"You ready, sugarcube?"

Pinkie nodded, gloves up, hopping from foot to foot. "Alright, I want a good clean fight!" She declared, "No dirty boxing, no hitting below the belt, even if ya don't have one! If I order you two to break, you have to b-AAHH~!"

AJ had had about enough of Pinkie's little performance. She was fine with it up to a point, but when they were staring each-other down and the other mare was wide open, she wasn't going to turn down the possible advantage. She'd already nodded, so as far as AJ was concerned, the heavy blow to the pink mare's abs had been fair game. Pinkie leaned forward, clutching the spot that the heavy gloves had struck. "H-hey!" She said, "I was still ex-OOF~!"

"Ya nodded, Pink, that means ya ready!" She stepped in. Pinkie's left hand covered her abs, so AJ stepped in and through a left hook right at the breast, forcing the pink mare to either block it and expose herself lower, or take the shot. Either through calculation or a slow reaction time, the pink mare elected to go with the latter, and AJ's glove caught the side of her breast, sinking into pink flesh.

"Nngggg~!" Pinkie moaned, and AJ wasted no time, following the left hook with a right straight to catch the other breast. The shot hit clean, right on the nipple, sending the pink mare staggering backwards, gasping in pain, until her back hit the ropes.

AJ chased her, starting to throw a flurry of blows at the head. Pinkie raised her hands to deflect the shot, and she was good enough to deflect a couple, but others ended up catching glancing blows.

"What an attack!" Pinkie yelled, "Pinkie's backed up into the corner, and this farmgirl is all over her! I've never seen such an - Ooof! - Aggressive start to the m-AH!-atch!"

AJ glared at Pinkie, "You gonna do this all match?" She asked, a hint of frustration in her voice.

"But Pinkie's unorthodox style seems to be getting into her opponent's head!" The pink mare barely raised a hand to block a hard shot, despite her commentary, to AJ's surprise. It looked like she'd need to fight smart despite the trolling. Either way, AJ had a plan, starting out with a couple feints to draw Pinkie's defense out of position, trying to prepare a heavy blow.

"The pink punisher is on defense now, but AJ is clearly getting frustrated!" Left feint "This mare is an expert at mindgames!" Jab to the shoulder, "It's hard to keep control when she's in your head like this!" Feint again, "And it looks like Pinkie's easily dealing with her attacks!" Jab to the shoulder again. "Her defense is a rock, turtle-like, completely impervious!" Feint, "And AJ is punching herself out against it!" The jab was blocked, and AJ grinned, "She's losing her cool now!" Left feint, "Will AJ be able to keep her focus long enough t-" AJ replaced the low jab with a haymaker that put all the weight of her powerful back and shoulders behind it. The blow rocked AJ's hand almost as much as it did Pinkie's head, and with a sudden 'WHUFFF' of exhaling air, Pinkie collapsed to the ground, her legs seeming to give out from under her completely.

"Yes," AJ answered, "Ah can. Ya might want to focus a little more on my fists and less on the commentary."

Pinkie didn't respond, lying flat on the ground. AJ smiled, standing over her and starting her count.

"One... Two... Three.." Pinkie's arms shook as she tried to get her gloves on the ground, but that was a long way from reaching her feet, "Four... Five... Si-"

"SHORYUUUUUKEN!" Pinkie cried out, fist up, somehow leaping from prone to a flying uppercut in less than a millisecond. The blow blasted against Applejack's chest, between her breasts. With the force of the blow, Applejack could have sworn she'd been cut open, but had just been the burn of leather on flesh.

"What the hell was that?!" AJ asked, eyes narrowing, "Ya can't uppercut from the ground!"

"Well YOU can't interrupt the referee!" Pinkie answered.

"You're not the-GAH!" AJ tried to object, but Pinkie interrupted, sending a straight to her face, which AJ only barely parried.

"Pinkie got her like Ryu got Sagat!" Pinkie answered, stepping in, throwing a few jabs that AJ was able to get her hands up for. "She better be able to capitalize, AJ looks angry!"

AJ didn't just LOOK angry, she WAS angry. Or at least as angry as anyone can be about Pinkie acting like Pinkie, which was admittedly not particularly angry. Still, the pink pony's trolling WAS ticking her off.

"That's a double-edged sword, though! AJ could use it to her advantage. If she can channel that, she might well hit a one-shot knockout. In boxing, angry can mean powerful..."

"AHHHH~!" This time, the gasp hadn't come from Pinkie. AJ tried another interrupting hook, but the mare was better at multitasking than most, and the shot had whiffed in the air. She had barely had time to register the miss when she felt a rock-solid uppercut smash her chin, knocking her head back like her spine was spring-loaded.

"Buuuut it can also mean sloppy!" While AJ was still trying to get her head back on straight, Pinkie stepped forward again, and before the orange mare could respond, that glove was rocketing towards her face. The impact was perfect, it was a miracle AJ still had teeth. The orange earth pony stumbled backwards, thankful that the ropes caught her before she fell out of the ring and hit the ground. Her guard was down, and even if it was only for a moment and against a distracted opponent, she knew she was in trouble.

Pinkie, however had other priorities. "AJ should keep her head in the game before it gets knocked off~" She teased, winking over her gloves, stepping forward, bouncing from foot to foot.

"Of course, that's if she's still in the match after this~" The pink pony teased, stepping up, her stance relaxed. She began shadowboxing at AJ, taunting more than going for the finishing blow. "After all, she's the one in the ropes now! And I think she's learned that a bit of chatter doesn't stop her foe from focusing on the match. If she tries another interruption, she has to know it'll get punished now~!"

The shadowboxing continued, Pinkie's fists stopping just before they impacted Applejack's flesh. She had masterful control of her hands, she might even be good at this if she put in the focus, but instead she was letting AJ recover. She was getting her breath back, narrowing her eyes, but the pink mare seemed too wrapped up in her fantasies of being a world champion to even notice what was happening.

"Pinkie's got her on the ropes. And look at that!" The chatty mare exclaimed, smiling at her newly regained (and unwittingly endangered) control of the fight, "It looks like she's warming up the famous Sugarcube Corner Cross!"

Some boxers telegraphed their attacks, but Pinkie was the only one AJ'd ever seen declare them. With that announcement, AJ knew when she saw her left shoulder drop that a cross was coming... And it was going to be heavy, giving plenty of time for a counter.

As Pinkie began to swing with her left, AJ ducked just a bit to the side, and threw an overhand left of her own. The blow struck high, and flush to Pinkie's face. It may not have crumpled her, but she was so focused on the attack she'd had no preparation for the counter. Pinkie reeled back a step or two, stumbling towards the center of the ring, before falling to her knees, then forward again, balancing on her gloves.

AJ stepped forward, looking down but keeping enough distance to avoid another sudden uppercut. "Next time ya go to finish me off, Pink, ya might want to call the shot AFTER it hits." She started the count, arms folded as she looked down at her panting friend. "One. Two."

"Ya know, AJ..." Pinkie raised her head, meeting her eyes. "I'm starting to think you want me to take this fight more seriously."

"Wonder what gave ya that impression." AJ said flatly. There was nothing that said the element of honesty couldn't use sarcasm to convey the truth. "Four. Five."

Pinkie staggered up to her feet, gloves down for a moment. "Sorry Jackie, I didn't wanna annoy you. I just thought it'd add a bit of fun!"

AJ smiled, "It's fine, Pink. I was just hoping for a bit more intensity is all."

Pinkie nodded, "I gotcha, AJ, I know I'm over the top sometimes." She smiled, shaking herself out, "I promise, no more commentary."

AJ smiled, "Thanks Pink." She rolled her shoulders, warming herself up a bit. With a few seconds to breathe, the silly behavior HAD been pretty funny... And after all, Pinkie WAS her friend. Expecting her to be serious was like expecting an earth pony sprout wings. Her expression softened, "Ah hope it ain't upsettin' or anything, but Ah would like to be serious for now. We can always do stuff your way later."

"Not at all!" Pinkie beamed. "My way is whatever way my friends have the most fun with. If you want me to be serious, I'd be a pretty lousy friend if I ignored that." Her muscles tensed to guard the next set of attacks. "If that's what you want, it's what I want."

AJ nodded, "Thanks Pinkie, it is what Ah want." She raised her guard as well, "Ready~?"

"Ready!" Pinkie agreed.

"Good," the farm pony tensed a little, readying an attack, "Let's go~"

She let a couple seconds pass, making sure Pinkie wasn't about to start another one of her announcements, but she was far from it. Her eyes were narrowed, almost unblinking, her stance loose, her head down behind her gloves. She almost looked intimidating. AJ stepped forward with a smile, throwing a low punch at her midsection...

...It was around that point that AJ began to realize she'd made a mistake. With an almost imperceptible adjustment, Pinkie brushed the shot to the side with one hand and threw a counter at her muzzle with the other. The blow hit flush, shaking AJ just enough for Pinkie to take a step back, out of range for another body blow. For a moment, AJ thought she'd got lucky, Pinkie was at perfect range for one of her heavy head hooks... But when she threw it, she caught nothing but air. The pink pony stepped back again, back into range, and AJ threw with her left instead of her right... And again the blow whiffed. She might as well have been doing some shadowboxing herself. Pinkie barely made a sound, and as light as her steps were, she couldn't have been any quieter if she'd been imaginary. When the pink mare's head bobbed into view once more, she was just a half-step back. Out of range for the hook... But not out a straight. AJ threw the next shot from her right with all the force she could muster...

Pinkie didn't even dodge this time, simply swaying her head to her right. Her comments about getting thrown off might have had a point, AJ had thrown that blow with everything she had... So much she felt herself fall a little off-balance when she did. As she felt her body lurch forward, her defenses wide open, she had just enough time to see the pastel-blue glove on Pinkie's right hand coming up under her chin before her world burst into stars.

AJ hadn't felt this weightless since the last time she was in cloudsdale. She didn't just lose her balance, as far as her body was concerned, the ground spontaneously ceased to exist, sending her careening into a formless void, legs numb and arms flailing, until the void suddenly reformed beneath her back and head. The world seemed to bend and twist like one of Discord's maddest pranks, before it resolved itself back into the ceiling of her barn, a familiar vision only slightly marred by the sight of the ropes that surrounded the ring.

A voice came from far away, like the speaker was under water, slowly nearing as she struggled to make out the words.

"Tree... Floor..."

That wasn't right. What was that about? The voice slowly resolved until she could recognize it as Pinkie's.

"Drive..."

She reached up to grab the rope, grateful she didn't need too much grip strength thanks to the friction of the oversized leather glove she wore...

"Six."

At least that one she was sure what was said. She rolled herself to her knees, pulling herself on the rope, up to her knees, panting and trying to reorient herself after whatever had knocked her flat like that.

"Seven. Eight."

WAIT. Gloves. Ropes. Counting. Pinkie. This was a boxing match! She pulled herself back to her feet, leaning on the ropes for balance, raising her hand as Pinkie counted.

"Nine"

"Ah'm up! Ah'm up!"

Pinkie stopped the count, and tilted her head, looking at AJ. "You sure about that?" She asked.

Honesty made AJ pause for a second, but stubbornness won out. "Ah'm sure. Ah'm on mah feet."

"Ya gotta be able to stand free though!" Pinkie gestured at her.

Okay, AJ would admit the ropes helped. She stepped forward, raising her gloves once again. "Alright, there, see?" She asked, "Ah'm standing."

"Do ya need a moment?"

AJ took a second, shaking the cobwebs from her head and sweat from her body before answering. "Nah," She answered, "Ah'm ready." She said, starting to raise her hands.

Apparently the word 'Ready' was all Pinkie was waiting for. The last syllable had barely left her lips when she darted forward. AJ's hands instinctively shot up to cover her face... Only to realize too late her face wasn't where the blow was headed. She 'Whoof''d and leaned forward from the impact, Pinkie's glove dug into her abs, but was driven up with enough force to catch her ribcage as well. She felt the air leave her lungs, but didn't even have time for her instincts to tell her to panic - Or appreciate how close her face now was to the pink mare's full chest - Before she felt a shot catch her under the chin.

She'd barely got her balance back when it left her again. The blow sent her stumbling back, and only the turnbuckle stopped her from stumbling from the ring and giving Pinkie a convincing knockout win. As far as 'standing freely' went, that wasn't even on the table, and she leaned back on the corner post to avoid collapsing as her opponent stepped forward, a look in her eyes of so much focus and intensity that AJ's long-dormant prey instincts sent her tail twitching.

Despite her attempts at guarding her body, the prospect of blocking her blows was about as likely as a lotto win. Pinkie's fists struck her abs like cannonballs. She didn't even have the balance left in her legs for that to make her body bend forward. The shots crushed into her, and sent her back harder into the post, crushing her large back muscles to it hard enough for her to finally realize why official rings had them padded. The fact that hers was wood and not metal was no comfort, and though impact was softer, the material only made it worse, as the blows set her back to grinding on the post like a cheap stripper, and picking up splinters like... Well, like a stripper who used fifteen year repurposed barn supports as her stripping pole. Pinkie's punches struck her midsection time and time again, until her abs were more battered than a stampede trail and deeper purple than Twilight's flank.

AJ's eyes met Pinkie's, which were unblinking, a look of total focus as she rained blows into her midsection. Once she was sure the abs were battered and breath unlikely to return anytime soon, Pinkie moved up higher. Now those fists speedbagged her breasts, bouncing them around and crushing the flesh like foam dodgeballs. She could only let out a low groan, which got no response from Pinkie, who seemed to be thinking of nothing except continuing her punishment of AJ's body. Droplets fell audibly from her breasts to the mat with every impact, and AJ couldn't bring herself to look down to see if the liquid that soaked her body was sweat or if the bashing had kick-started her lactating. She could only groan as shot after shot battered into her body.

It seemed like hours before Pinkie finished the assault and stepped back, raising her hands back up to the guard. AJ's entire body ached, and only her pride let her raise her gloves once more rather than give. She couldn't be sure, but she thought she saw a look of appreciation and respect in the pink mare's eyes, but it quickly passed, and returned to her businesslike boxer's stare. Unsure of her next move but refusing to give in, she took a step out of the corner. As she did, she saw Pinkie's shoulder drop again. AJ didn't need an announcement to know what was coming next... And didn't have a chance of reacting in time if she got one. With no illusions of being able to counter or parry, AJ just tried to prepare herself for the blow. Her foe's fist began to fly forward and-

-BANG!-

Nothingness.

And then somethingness. In fact, everythingness, all at once. AJ opened her eyes, and stared at the ceiling. She was in her barn. Naked, as far as she could tell. On her back. Something in the back of her mind was telling her that she was supposed to be feeling something, but she couldn't remember what. A pair of pinkies kneeled beside her, speaking in unison.

"You okay, AJ?"

She nodded.

"How many Pinkies do you see?"

She thought for a moment. "...Two?"

"Good!" One pinkie nodded to the other, "Alright, she's fine, you can get an ice cream sandwich on the way back to the mirror pool!"

"Thanks, me, glad to help!" The second pinkie hopped away.

AJ groaned, racking her brain for an explanation, though knowing better than to expect one when Pinkie was involved. The room spun, her body ached, her arms fought her attempts to lift them, like there was some weight holding them down. She focused, trying to pull the pieces together...

Finally, she remembered what it was she was supposed to feel. Pain, and it came on all at once, making her gasp, and her back arch. "Ahhhhh~!" She cried out as the sensations rushed into her.

"You might not wanna move, Jackie!"

"Ah'm fine, Ah'm fine." She looked down over her body. Mostly fine. She seemed to have had her torso replaced with that of Thunderlane's. At least Thunderlane had nice breasts. She positioned her arms, and pushed off, finally able to see the heavy gloves on her fists. Boxing gloves.

It all came back to her, and she put her arms out to stop her from falling backwards, sitting propped up on her gloves, and turned her head to pinkie.

"Wow, Pink. Ya really kicked mah ass there."

"Yep!" Pinkie smiled, "I took it serious, like you said!" She grinned wide, but at AJ's lack of a return smile (brought on more by pain in her facial muscles from the hook punch than any real anger) a look of concern fell across her face. "That's what you wanted, right?"

She had a look of a wounded puppy, and pain or not, AJ couldn't help smiling at that. "Sure was, Pinkie." She answered. The other mare looked like she'd just learned a pregnancy test had shown false positive.

"Good!"

"Just one thing," AJ continued.

"Anything ya like, Jackie!" Pinkie leaned forward eagerly.

"Next time I tell ya to take somethin' serious?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Don't."

"Alright~" Pinkie acknowledged with a musical tone to her voice, and AJ fell back, staring at the ceiling. And then at the floor, as Pinkie scooped her up onto her back to take her to Redheart for a checkup and some rest. Tia might not be taking friendship letters anymore, but she might well right one anyway. She had, after all, learned an important lesson.

Sometimes, when someone's a self-proclaimed champ... It's because most people knew better than to challenge them.