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15.

The Sun was setting. While I was staring at the boulders and fresh soil that were used to seal Bacchus' old then, two arms reached around my waist from behind, and Mowgli pulled me back and pressed his cheek against mine. He sobbed. I turned around to take him in my arms, rubbing his back and shoulders with my hands to comfort him. Bacchus was the omega of the Seeonee pack. He was often made fun of and mocked, because of his clumsy appearance. But everybody loved him, and often enough, the wolves had shown their appreciation to him. Because he wasn't good at joining in on the hunt, he was given the task of looking after the pack's cubs and yearlings when their parents had other obligations, but he did a lot more than that. He always had a listening ear, and everyone was always warmly welcomed in his den. His death hit everyone hard. "We all lay him to rest here in his old den", Mowgi softly said, while trying to suppress the sobbing. "We would have waited for you to return, but he was just... It was so..." With the palm of my hand, I wiped the tears off of his cheeks. "It's alright. Come, let's go back to the others and get settled for the night."

"You're not coming?", Mowgli asked while crouched in front of the communal den's entrance. "I will be in a bit. I'm going to say goodnight to Baloo and Bagheera." In the fading daylight, the panther lay snug in between the bear's paws, who tenderly licked the feline's cheeks and muzzle. Baloo reached out to me, and I sat down and leaned against the brown bear. "It's all so hard", I sighed. "Life here is hard, my friend", Baloo solemnly said. We sat together like that for a good while, enjoying each other's company and touch. "You're going to sleep?", Bagheera asked. "Yeah, I should", I yawned. "Better go back to the den then", Baloo said. "I'd love for you to sleep with us tonight, but Luri asked me if I could tell you to go to the den for sleep if we would see you. The wolves want you there for the night." I embraced Bagheera and Baloo and wished them good night.

I took my clothing off before entering the den so not to wake everyone up. On my hands and knees, I made my way down the entrance tunnel, and placed my clothing in a pile in a corner of the den. Mowgli was sound asleep in between Sura and Akru. Vermillion, Luri, Lala, Maki and the cubs were sleeping together. I sighed inaudibly. My mood had darkened considerably. All I really wanted was to go to my den for the night to be alone with my thoughts and feelings. But because Luri had specially asked Baloo to tell me to come to the den, I did not want to make her feel bad. I sprawled out next to my pile of clothing in the corner of the den by myself, using it to cushion my head.

A bright light woke me up. Confused. I looked around. No den. Just trees. The Sun shone in my face. Muffled voices were whispering all at once. Slowly, the cacophony of words harmonized. "Your demise." "Your demise." "Your demise." I reached for my belt to grab my machete, but nothing was there. No clothes. no machete, no bowie knife. Just me, naked. I looked over my body. My scars were gone. I wasn't sore. I had grown muscular. "Your dem..." A loud roar silenced the voices. A hazy shape appeared and slowly took form. Black. White. Orange? Stripes? Black stripes! A tiger! NO! I tried to run away with all my might, but I couldn't move an inch. Shere-Khan stood in front of me. I was paralyzed. Something was different, though. He was kind, caring, beautiful and gracious. He greeted me by rubbing his huge head against my chest and flank, almost pushing me over. His soft fur brushed against my bare skin. His warm lips went around my left hand and wrist, and he pulled me along with him. Where the tiger went, I followed. A lake. A mound. A den. Shere-Khan brought me to the entrance and nudged me to go inside. I crawled through the tunnel, which ended in a forest. Puzzled, I got back on my feet. Alexander, Tabaqui and Bacchus sat in front of me, looking at me happy, and accomplished. Longing for their touch, scent and warmth, I took a step towards them and reached out. As if my hand had touched the still surface of a body of water, their shapes distorted, blurred and disappeared. My heart ached. Darkness.

With my eyes wide open, I pushed myself up on my knees and held my face in my hands. My dream had gone, the heartache hadn't. I felt emotional and a burning desire to be held and comforted had taken a hold of me. I was just done with being a human adult. Maki was awake, and raised her head when she saw me sitting up, waking the others up by her stir. Lala's cubs started to play-fight with each other, but were quickly shushed by Luri, who pushed them against her flank with her snout. Vermillion took the opportunity to give Lala some fatherly love and affection, protectively curling around her head and upper body. The dreamy, blissful look in Lala's eyes really touched me. This is what it was all about. The recent losses had left everyone hurting. The unconditioned love, tenderness and display of affection was how the wolves comforted and helped each other to cope. That is why Luri wanted me here so badly. Maki nudged me to a spot against her flank next to her cubs, who briefly looked at me a bit confused before wriggling against their mother's warm fur and me to get comfortable and go back to sleep. The yellow-white she-wolf gently clamped her soft lips over my nose and mouth. Her warm breath and scent soothed me, making me feel safe and secure. Before long, I drifted off into a slumber.

A cold draft woke me up and made me shiver. Maki had left, taking her two cubs outside for an early morning nature call. Lala softly nudged her two cubs who had gotten back to her to nurse towards me and sprawled next to me. "Did you have a bad dream earlier?" I exhaled. "It didn't feel like a bad dream. Alexander, Tabaqui and Bacchus were there. But I couldn't get to them. And Shere-Khan was there too. He was kind. He took me to meet them. I just wanted to hug them so badly, but couldn't. That is what hurts." "Oh you", the red she-wolf fussed me and shifted over a little bit. "Go lay down." Lala licked her cubs to sooth them back to sleep. When they both were peacefully snoozing next to me against her warm belly, the red wolf turned her motherly affection to me. Her soft licks, her fur and warm breath on my skin felt wonderful. Now even more so than with Maki earlier, It could not bother me that I was an adult human laying against the belly of a mother wolf right next to, and like one of her cubs. The blissful feeling of being looked after, cared for, and being kept safe and warm was something I direly needed after everything that had happened, and it did me tremendously good.

Lala softly licked me awake. "Do you also want to go out for a nature call? Maki and me are taking the little ones outside." In all honesty, I felt very little for getting up, even if my bladder was rather full. I just was too comfortable and snug. As if the red she-wolf could read my thoughts, she licked my nose and smiled "You can sleep some more after, you silly." Maki poked her cold nose in my stomach, making me twitch. "Go on, get up, sleepyhead. The sooner you're done, the sooner you can get back."

Mowgli, Sura and Akru were outside of the den's entrance in the early morning air. Seeing those three sitting together made me feel like an outsider. Mowgli had lived his entire youth with them as their brother. He certainly was a lot more of a wolf than I was or would ever be. Just the way he acted around his brothers, he was agile and moved around like a wolf. He nuzzled, nipped, and mouthed at his brothers. Maki tugged at my hand, gesturing me to come along. Sura, Akru and Mowgli also came after they saw we were out. "You humans can't even sleep a full night without having to pee", Sura chuckled. "Mowgli had to go as well." I shrugged and walked around a thick tree to relieve myself. After I was done and got back to Maki, Mowgli and Lala, we watched Sura and Akru play fight and wrestle with the cubs. The green-white wolf nose-nudged my side. "You've never had a mate?" I shook my head. "Never had the desire to, really. My human life alone was enough to deal with for me." "Maybe you'll come across a nice she-wolf some time, you never know", Lala grinned. "Well, I have you all to care for now." Mowgli chuckled and held me close. "Let's go back to the den", Sura proposed, after the cubs had enough roughhousing.

"You come lay with us for a while now", the blue-black furred wolf smiled after we made ourselves comfortable again on the den's soft ground. He sprawled next to me, followed by Akru and Mowgli. I stared to the thick tree roots that ran all over and across the den's ceiling and exhaled. Mowgli took me in his arms, and I rested my head on his chest. He softly ran one of his hands through my scruffy hair. "Yes, I'm also hurting, brother, that will take a while. But know you're somewhere where you're loved, and where you're taken care of." Luri reached over Mowgli and kindly gestured me to move over a little bit so she had more space. I watched how the white she-wolf gently cleaned him. After she was done, Luri reached over me and sniffed and licked my lower belly as well. Initially, I didn't really feel much for it, but on the other hand. I didn't really want to protest either. I was far too comfortable in between Mowgli on one end, and Sura and Akru on the other. I just couldn't turn down her well-meant affection either. Like Baloo said earlier, no one really would think much of it. So I decided to put my human reservations out of my mind for this time.

We mourned for a few days more, but after that, everyone gradually got back to their normal routines. I also slowly settled back in to pack life. I made a few trips down to Balaghat together with Mowgli in Bawa's jeep to fetch some materials with the last of my money to do some work on the support structure of my den with. On one afternoon, I was standing in front of the entrance looking over my handy work. I had repaired the support structure, made a rudimentary chair and a table out of a few logs of teak, and a few planks to store things on. I looked up after hearing the familiar rustling of the brushes to see Bagheera and Luri walk through. "Are you turning your den into a human house?", the panther jokingly asked after admiring my work. "Well, I want this to last for a good while longer, and to feel a bit more homely", I smiled while sitting down next to the two. Luri leaned into me and rubbed her muzzle over my nose. "I have something very important to ask of you." I looked at her and was a bit unsettled by her doleful expression. "Alexanders remains are still on that mound where you said they were. I really hope that it won't be too hard on you, but can you bring him back here so he can be laid to rest in the old den? Bagheera will join you." I looked to the ground and exhaled, "He deserves to be in a place he was fond of and where he has spent so much time with those he loved, and not on that forsaken mound. I'm sorry for not coming up with that myself earlier." The panther licked my face, "You were dealing with your losses, and so were we."

I opened the passenger's side back door of the jeep to let Bagheera out and grab my backpack that I would use to carry Alexander's remains in. I estimated that where I pulled over and parked was a short walk away from the mound. After walking around for a while, I came across characteristics in the landscape that were etched in my subconscious brain, and before long, we were walking up the small mound. The grass and vegetation had totally overgrown Alexander's skeleton. After scouring the area, I had collected all the bones I could manage to find and respectfully laid out accordingly as best as I could in front of us, on a patch of soil that I had cleared with my shovel. "Hello, old friend", Bagheera whispered while struggling visibly. I embraced him, and he leaned against me heavily. Since Shere-Khan had killed Alexander, the feline had not been back here and it affected him strongly, like it did me. We both sat there for a while, staring at the wolf's remains. Bagheera licked tears off of my cheeks. "Thank you so much for being here and doing this for us." Without saying anything, I opened my backpack and carefully stacked the bones inside, with Alexander's skull wrapped separately in a towel on top.

Mowgli and Baloo had cleared away the boulders and thick vegetation in front of the old den's entrance to make it accessible. They were joined by me, Bagheera, and all the wolves of the Seeonee pack to pay Alexander our last respect and to finally say goodbye to our old friend and pack leader. I had laid the bones out in front of the old den's entrance for Luri to carry them inside. She stood over the remains, affectionately mouthing and licking Alexander's skull. Seeing this display of love for her dead mate was too much for me. My legs turned to jelly and I had to go sit down. Vermillion, who was next to me protectively sat over me, licking my face and cheeks. Baloo and Bagheera were tending to Mowgli, who was inconsolable. Luri picked up Alexander's skull, and carried it into the den first. She then walked up to me and nuzzled me. "Please, come." I walked over to Mowgli and took his hand. He swallowed up his tears and got up, joined by Akru, Sura, and Bagheera. We each picked up a few of the bones and carried them into the old den. I looked around the interior, and everything was still so familiar, as if I had only slept here last night. Teardrops landed on the bones I was carrying. After Sura carried the last ones inside, I arranged the bones anatomically, and lay my left hand on Alexander's skull for a few moments to tell him farewell in my thoughts, before making room for the others. Baloo and Vermillion sat with me until a few minutes later, the others exited the den. The brown bear helped me get up, and together with Mowgli, we sealed the old den back up with the boulders, and fresh soil.