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To whoever finds these pages:

I have dedicated the past few days to recording all that has happen to me during my experimentations with the quantum fuser. In this memoir, I have written down my thoughts and deeds and ramblings regarding the future this device can create and what it means for humanity as a whole, as well as everything I have experienced. If I am to die or disappear, I urge you, dear reader, to read these words with caution and to get them to as many people as possible. Humanity may one day be able to play the role of God, but I sincerely doubt at this current stage we possess the required responsibility and foresight to truly fit the role. With all this being said, let me start my tale.

It began a few months back. I want to say a year, but as of late, time has acquired a certain...fickle characteristic. In any case, the exact dates are irrelevant. It all began when I was assigned as the leading scientist to a new project. Recent discoveries in the field of quantum physics had been made, and of course, with those discoveries came in new possibilities. Questions of morality and ethics had always been prudent, but I've always tried to separate myself from the false idols claiming enlightenment and yet do nothing more than ask irrelevant questions without a possibility of a true answer. It should be obvious that I am talking about philosophers and their armchair ilk. Now, I don't want to be thought of me as someone who dismisses the value of human life as just another resource to be exploited or to blindly follow any new trend set forth by my community. If a person would ask me directly a question truly worth pondering, I would be more than happy to philosophize with them on the nature of it. But those who would pose a question and answer it themselves, based entirely on their own personal views and believes, without considering any other point of view are the ones who truly disgust me. And there is something else to be known about me. Although I may be a learned man, with years of experience and study under my belt, I am still, just a man and I am not ashamed to admit that I am driven by the need of all men throughout the ages, id est, survival.

The instinct of survival is the most ancient one of all, although throughout the centuries it has morphed and reflected the times, always present, only in different shapes and forms. For me, in my years of life, it has meant money. Yes, I am ruled by the opportunity of capital gain, much like most people I know and almost all people I do not. There are those who claim higher ideals and morals, offering utopian views for the future, based on things other than money and still those people go to the store and buy themselves the same food and indulge themselves on the same entertainment that we all do. It just goes to show: you can talk all you like, but no one can lead revolutions on an empty stomach. There is, of course, the opposite side of the coin: where money is all that should be valued in a world such as our own. For those types of people, I would just like to ask if they've felt a tingle of emotion their entire life.

No, in the world of politics I'd like to remain fairly apolitical, for there is no right answer, when watched by opposing eyes. I am a man who values money, for what it can bring me, which is survival. Survival for me, survival for those close to me, survival in the present. One might think that fame might have been a driving motivator for my research. I can guarantee, it was for some of my colleagues, but it was not to me. I would have been happy if the entire project had been scraped, as long I got paid in the end.

Again, dear reader, I would like to ask of you not to think me of someone possessed by greed. I may talk about money a lot, but it is just my utilitarian nature. I would do not condone violent acts based on greed, or any other sin. It may seem strange to you, to hear a man of science evoke such religious words. I did mention earlier in my notes, that I do not discern the value of human life. It is, in fact, somewhat of a moral compass. And let us not forget that the majority of what we deem moral and immoral in our little place in the world is in fact based on religious ideals. Is it optimal? I wouldn't say so. Is it effective? More so than it is optimal. In any case, I believe later on, I would find a more appropriate reason to talk about spiritual matters, as I believe them to be. Spirituality is part of the human experience after all. And even those who deny spirituality as a whole, still must have dabbled in it in one form or another throughout their life to have reached such a conclusion.

My story truly begins on a very peculiar day. It was raining that day, but it was one of those days that even during the rain, the sun managed to shine. As usual, I drank my coffee in the lounge area with my colleagues, talking about ordinary day to day things. We didn't really separate our lives from the work place. We would discuss any and all things if they fancied our interests. Most of the time, people who were not directly involved with what we were doing would also join in on us - the secretary, the security and even the janitor. To most of us, the workplace was a second home, everyone willing to help in any way that they could, sharing in both our highs and lows.

After a quick talk about simple matters such as the results of the baseball game the night before and the taste of today's coffee batch, we all assumed our work positions. Samson, a young man in his mid twenties was assigned to calibration. Jonathan, who was about my age had to follow the test results during the day. I worked with Augustin, an individual who came off as the strong silent type. We had the task of deciding how our experiments would take place, informing Samson of what needs to be done and changes on the machine, after we receive information from Jonathan. Typically, the four of us would brainstorm, but the final decisions laid on me and Augustin. A typical work day would involve checking the data from the previous day, deciding on what to do next, check the data from our next experiment and the cycle would repeat until seven o'clock, when our workday ends. Of course, during this time we would have small coffee brakes, where we would chat up on our progress and any interests over a few cigarettes. And during the lunch break, the entire staff would eat, normally take out food ordered by the secretary - Jolene.

Ah, sweet Jolene. A beautiful girl. She is, or more adequately was, a few years younger than me with a piercing blue gaze and an innocent smile. Her family came from China during the fall of the socialist rule. Although she had an intriguing background and her beauty was that of rose in the dead of winter, she was quite the ordinary girl. She never excelled during her youth and she never aspired for much during her adulthood. More than happy with her life, she never strode for anything more than what she had or wanted in the short term. That is, until she met me.

The entire team met during the screening. We all talked and exchanged personal information. And me and Jolene hit it off instantly. It began with simple chats, continued with coffee and ended with a tempestuous love affair. I was married when we met each other and I am not proud by what I had done. Never the less, the one thing that everyone has to learn the hard way was that marriages were never like the ones in fairytales. Because of my job, I had never been one to stay at home for long periods of time. I eventually grew cold towards my wife Jana and I honestly believed that this is how things should be. And Jolene reminded me what it was like to be in love once again, to be desired and to feel attractive. I do not wish to say anywhere that I did not love Jana, quite the contrary. I had spent most of my life with her and we raised a child together. But because of our puppy love in our teen years, we hastily made the decision to get married the moment we got our chance. I do not know if our relationship would have lasted long if we didn't make that decision, but we had to live with our deeds. And so, I lived with my deed.

The sex with Jolene was passionate and flaming, while the sex with Jana was mechanical. While Jolene was interested in anything I had to say, my conversations with Jana boiled down to nothing more than how work had been. When I awoke next to Jolene, my day would be like a colorful dream, with a certain beautiful charm to it. Awaking next to Jana and my day was like a dreamless slumber, too short for any real rest. And yet, somehow, I loved them both.

In any case, the reason my team was assembled is because, a new theory had emerged recently, that stated it was possible for someone to see into their own future. Of course, this is a gross simplification of the entire idea, but in the situation that my writings are found by someone without the required knowledge in the fields, I believe this is the most adequate way of explaining this. The theory had its roots in the esoteric, but it was well formulated and brought forth enough evidence, for a project to form. I had spoken with the man who came up with the idea. Our conversation quickly devolved into abstract dialogues about the soul and the presence of God. He was an eccentric, but it should be noted that he was coherent and lucid, denying, on first glance, any form of mental illness, at least in my eyes. His thoughts basically boiled down to that we exist on multiple planes of reality and that if we were conscious on a certain plane, we could examine, to its full capacity, everything on the lower planes. With that being said, the device that we were assigned to create, was to enable someone to observe themselves from this plane, filtered through a higher one. In essence, our team thought of it as making a telescope that pointed towards a mirror.

I wasn't truly convinced that this was possible, but I was hired, I got paid, and all I had to do was try my best. After all, that is all you can ask of someone. To try. And try as we did, the project lasted for about three years, with no real results to show for it. Until one day. I mentioned it earlier, it was raining, yet it was sunny. Jolene thought of it as a good omen. I humored her. But in the end, she was right.

The test results came in. The device worked. After spending a few hours on checking if everything was in order, we quickly compiled our findings and sent them to the higher ups. We closed shop and went to celebrate. We figured we deserved to treat ourselves. The next day we would be using living subjects. A few lab animals, specially bred for this kind of work.

I don't know how much the sciences have advanced when you find these papers, but during my stay at the project, they were light years ahead of what they were when I was a child. In regards to the rabbits, they were bred to have a thinner and softer skull, to be easier to penetrate. The fields of neurology and IT had made great leaps forward, with the most groundbreaking finding allowing us to view on a monitor what someone is seeing with their own eyes. Truly we were living in the age of miracles. And I can not begin to imagine what comes after miracles.

The set up of our little "miracle" device was fairly minimalistic - a podium with a few dozen coils suspended via small columns. We hooked up a rabbit to the monitor, piercing its skull at the certain points and placed the rabbit onto the podium. After activating the machine, to our disappointment on the monitor we only saw ever changing lights. On the other hand, the rabbit's vital signs were constantly fluctuating, giving us a reason to believe that the experience was not visual. We shut off everything and went back to the drawing board.

After a prolonged discussion of what our next procedure should be, we decided it would be best to use a human test subject. Samson didn't waste any time to volunteer. He was still young, with his heart set on adventure and his head was filled with curiosity. Although we were all on edge, trying to convince him otherwise, you could feel great weight lifting from the entire room. Truth be told, we were all scared of volunteering. Samson did not budge on his decision and without much hesitation we agreed. We would use a standard safety procedure and we took additional measure. Although Samson was headstrong, he wasn't suicidal. He carefully examined each step we would take and added some proposals. Towards the end of the work day, we had compiled a complete list of how we should proceed, how we will communicate, what to do in case of an emergency. Samson memorized the entire list. We were all in agreement. Tonight we would do one run, leaving any further testing for tomorrow. As we were leaving the meeting room, Augustin, to the surprise of us all, spoke up. I can still remember his words.

"Do you feel like there is...I don't know...some inherent flaw in this entire project? I understand the concept of determinism. I do not exactly agree with it on a personal level, but I can see how it might be applicable in our universe. But...somehow...isn't it paradoxical to know your future? If you knew your future, that would mean that you can change it, which in turn means that you don't really know it. You understand right? If I knew that I would...eat a loaf of bread today for instance...I can just not eat bread the entire day, making what I knew null and void. Am I missing something here? Also the device doesn't just allow you to look into your future, but your past as well, right? Does that include the moment where you started looking to your past and when you reach that moment, will the whole thing just start over? Surely I can't be the only one thinking this?"

And he truly wasn't. In fact all of us had pondered on these concepts. And there wasn't really a way to know, unless we tried it out. My personal understanding is that it only seems paradoxical on our plane of existence, where we experience time linearly. In the same way how a klein bottle can't exist here, but can exist in more dimensions. Augustin wasn't really trying to halt the experiment. Not being one to share, he had just bottled up his thoughts on the matter and decided to ask his questions now. After we brief discussion on the nature of dimensions and determinism, we all took our respective posts and were prepared to engage in the experiment. God be with us.

We proceeded as planned. Samson defined the settings on the control panel, while this time Jonathan would make sure everything was going according to plan. Me and Augustin stood nearby taking notes and if anything unexpected would to happen, we would unplug the device. We had a fire extinguisher at the ready, while Samson prepared himself mentally for what he was about to embark on. Under his nose he recited something, which I didn't quite hear, but it sounded like a rhyme, took a deep breath and stepped onto the podium.

"Are you ready?" I asked him, a bit of a quiver in my voice. He looked at me, straight in the eye. I had never seen such determination in my life before. He was ready to die, I could see it in him. In reality though, he was overreacting. The rabbit survived and didn't show any signs of physical injury. We activated the device.

Augustin held a stopwatch. We would keep Samson in the device for about a minute, after which, we would shut down the machine and review the results. After about thirty seconds, Augustin lifted his gaze towards his colleague. "Are you alright, Sam?" he asked firmly. Samson did not respond. Jonathan confirmed that his vitals were in order. After another thirty seconds, we switched off the machine. Samson stepped towards us, blinking irregularly. He didn't say anything, but just stared into nothingness.

After letting him regain his senses, the room started buzzing with questions. "What did you see? What did you feel? Are you feeling alright?", Although he tried to remain calm, it was obvious, at least to me that he was a bit shook up. He said that the entire thing was like a dream and trying to remember it was like grasping at clouds. He was certain that he experienced his entire life - from start to finish, and, although he couldn't remember anything exact, there was a slight sense of déjà vu that was fading. After a few minutes, Samson declared that he the feeling was completely gone, but he was ready to try it out again, with the intent of trying to remember what happened. Although we shared his enthusiasm, none of us let him back in. We had some data to run by and we had a certain nagging feeling that he shouldn't be back in there so soon. But considering that we are dealing with predetermination, it didn't really matter what we felt, did it? Samson confirmed it. He experienced his entire life in one minute. That means that none of our choices were technically based on free will.

Some people wouldn't agree with such a notion. Others would find comfort. But the existential implications were fairly obvious. How do you live after you learn that your choices aren't quite your own. Even if you start to sulk or spiral into depression, that would be part of your predetermined course. Personally, to comfort myself, I started thinking about life as a theater play from that point onward. Script had been prepared far in advance and we were just reenacting what was expected of us. We were all actors on the stage of life. Of course, that left the question: who are the audience?

As you may have noticed, dear reader, I tend to go off on a bit of tangents. I don't mean to deter the...plot line I've been trying to set up. In fact, you can consider all of this, up to this point a bit of a back story, so you could have some context in regards to what I really wanted to tell you. I would like of you to indulge me one more time in this next part. For you see, I do not know how much time I have left and I would like to condense the happenings of a few months into a few sentences.

In the following months we held more tests, again Samson being our assigned guinea pig. A bit of a dehumanizing statement, but it was all in good fun, since Samson was the first to refer to himself as such. We would recalibrate the time Samson would spend in the device, upping it up to two, three and four minutes. The results were the same. He then left him inside less time. Forty seconds. Thirty seconds. Three seconds. It didn't matter. He would always say the same thing. He experienced his life. The sense of déjà vu he mentioned would always last the same length, but he could remember a bit more every time, mostly due to some mental preparations. In time, after we declared that it was safe to use, our company allowed us to replicate the device and use it in a home environment for more tests. We would still meet up, discuss our results and run tests at the laboratory. Firstly we decided to do lab tests five times a week. And after each month, we lowered the time spent in the lab. Finally deciding that we would come to work only once a week.

Jolene was assigned to a different project and, sadly I would see her less often. We continued on with our affair and my feeling for her only grew stronger, due to the less time we would see each other. I noticed that my wife, Jana, began to notice my absence more often and she probably suspected of my affair. To be frank, by that time, it was all the same to me. I still loved her, but I knew we had run our course. There was nothing more that we could give each other. I was prepared for her to confront me - I had played out every scenario in my head, every line of dialogue that we would share and I was ready for anything to happen. But she never did confront me. Maybe she didn't really care. Maybe she didn't know. Either way it was all the same.

At our home environment, each one of the scientists, myself included, reached the same conclusions as Samson and each one of us had basically the same way of dealing with the "visions" - dream remembering techniques proved to be the most useful and we kept recordings of what we experienced, either on paper, tape or video logs. Of course trying to remember your entire life wasn't really an easy task, but we pressed on. We decided to experiment a bit further, so we split up in groups of two. Me and Jonathan would regularly make appointments at meeting up in a bar and before each meet up, we would use the device with the intention to see what our meetings would consist of. At first it was difficult, but with time we managed to recall entire conversations. After going through them once, the talks we had at the bar had a certain eerie quality to them. Of course there were a few blank spots here and there, but we made progress. Soon enough, we just might completely master the entire thing ourselves. And then, one day, it happened.

At around two in the morning I got a call from Samson to come down to the lab. He didn't tell me what had happened, but he was extremely frantic and unnerved. I rushed down and found his and Jonathan's car in the lot. In the room where we would normally brain storm, sat Jonathan a bit distraught while Samson was pacing around. He wanted us both to be here when he explained the situation.

He and Augustin had been experimenting at his house. Since he was youngest one, he didn't have a family, but he did have a dog. That night, Augustin was using the machine and just for a moment, Samson dozed off. His dog got into the device. Samson woke up from a noise, he described as a high pitched humming. He quickly grabbed Augustin and rushed him here, calling me and Jonathan on his way. We naturally asked what had happened and Samson didn't respond. He motioned us to come into the testing area.

I gagged when I saw it, almost vomiting while Jonathan just stood there silently, with his mouth agape. Somehow, Augustin and his dog had merged into one being. A humanoid dog. Or a dog-like human. It's not a question easy to answer and don't even want to remember the details of it. We've all seen cartoons and movie, where dogs would walk up right, or werewolves would prowl the night. But somehow, none of us were truly prepared for this. After we managed to somewhat gather our composure, we tried talking to it. The creature didn't respond. We would wave at it and it would wave back, so it showed some signs of sentience. Or it might have been just imitation. Could we fix this? None of us knew, but we had to try.

We spent the entire night recalibrating the device, calculating and throwing around ideas. Finally, we decided to go with it. First, we used the standard settings, but they didn't work. We tried the obvious, yet silly, idea of just using the opposite settings and nothing happened. Eventually, around noon the next day, we somehow managed to split Augustin and the dog apart.

They both showed no negative signs, Augustin only remarking that it was nothing he had ever experienced, noting that it was strange, since he had experienced everything in his life before. He would go on to clarify that the dog-man wasn't really him, or the dog. Rather a mix of the two. Both of their experiences into one. The consciousness of neither.

"I really don't have any words for it. It wasn't painful or terrifying. Just...different. Alien. In your daily life, you have a certain sense of self. That thing wasn't it. I can't really explain it. I have the memories of you talking to...it, but it didn't understand you. But I can remember exactly what you said and I, personally can understand."

After the shock of the situation wore off, all of us were too tired to go back to our homes and we slept at the facility till about ten o'clock in the evening. When we woke up, the memories of the experience felt distant, like a fever dream. We decided to spend the night there and to run more tests. After all, we just happened upon another breakthrough.

Science fiction. This is what I dealt with that night. Soft sci-fi, where things like alchemy were easily possible, just the ancient practitioners didn't have the right tools for it. Since we now knew how to undo the process of "fusing", there was no real moral questions to worry about. At first we fused rabbits or rats together. The amalgamation wasn't anything drastic, just that the new creature had some physical traits of both. Then we fused rats with rabbits. Now prepared from our previous experience, the result didn't bother us so much. Finally Augustin spoke up, wishing that he would like to try to be fused with the dog again. He noted that if they were to fuse, we would let the creature walk around for about ten minutes, after which we should place it on the platform again and use the regular settings to experience it's life, after which we would defuse it.

We had our concerns, but they were quickly dropped and we did as planned. Now the creature didn't seem so revolting. It walked around, sniffed us. Samson even fed it a donut. It seemed to like it. We used the standard settings on it after which we defused it.

Augustin could remember everything more or less, but he said he couldn't remember what experienced in the device. Which either meant that the settings would need to change, or that it wasn't possible for part of the fused being to remember the entire life of the fusion. We considered the first option to be more viable, but we still discussed the second. It made some sense on an intuitive level. After all, each of us had living bacteria in our bodies, that helped us live, but were not, at least as far as we know, of our consciousness. On the other hand, how exactly did the fusing process work? When we would use the machine, none of us turned into horrible man-bacteria monstrosities, yet a man and a dog could fuse into a new creature. The notion of souls would creep up here and there in our discussions. Not exactly in a theological sense, but rather the concept of one consciousness, experiencing life through different dimensions, with each dimension, being the sum of the experiences of the all the lower ones. This was less science fiction now and more in the realm of fantasy. Yet, we would talk it through the entire day and night. Two days after the incident, in the morning around nine, all of us went home.

From that point onward we barely concerned ourselves with futureseeing. This was bigger than that. I meant something more. Something about individuality and the essence of humanity. But none of us were really able to comprehend it. Fusing two different species provided us with abominations, as seen with the rat/rabbit hybrids and, of course, the human/dog hybrid. But our thoughts were mostly concerned with the rabbit/rabbit hybrids. There was nothing unusual about them. And that was exactly it. The idea, still only an idea for academic discussions, was that if we fused two humans, the resulting hybrid could most likely talk (unlike the human/dog hybrid) and in turn, most likely, tell us of its experiences - both here and in the device itself. Of course, to do such a thing would borderline on criminal, even if both participants had consented. And yet, the idea remained. And was discussed. And with time, it started sounding less taboo.

Who was to say what was criminal or not, whether it be against man or nature? Religious zealots would talk about how its not part of God's plan. But if it wasn't, why would we have the technology to achieve it? Within a few months, we were all in agreement that sooner or later, this will happen. We couldn't deny it. We could only take precautions and formulate a plan so we would be more prepared. But, as things often tend to be, there was a slight hiccup in our plans.

You see, dear reader, my darling wife Janna had started asking questions. Questions about my whereabouts and my "long shifts". At that point, my time was mostly spent on the project and I spent less and less time with Joelene. We would have the occasional fling, but that was mostly it. But Janna's questions became more persistent and her trust started to dwindle. I couldn't really have that, so I had to tell her everything about the project. I may have neglected to mention this, but I did sign a non-disclosure agreement and I had to make her swear that she would not mention anything I said to anyone. Naturally I omitted the part of the hybrids, figuring she might not completely understand the ramifications. For the time, she settled.

One day, Janna told me that she would visit her mother for a week. Something about a holiday. I don't really remember. The same day I went out with Joelene for coffee and later drove back to my place. For the next part, I mostly have to guess. I told Joelene that I needed to use the bathroom and that she could look around the house. She had never been here before and it was only natural to let her explore my humble abode. And from here on, my troubles began.

I came out of the bathroom and was greeted by another hybrid. One of Janna and Joelene. Apparently, from what I can peace together, when I was out for coffee, Janna decided to go to the garage and turned on the device. I hadn't changed the settings at all and I had labeled a big, red button with the words "ON SWITCH". In hindsight, that may have been a mistake. Although I wasn't really expecting anyone outside of my circle to use device. Janna had been in the device for about two hours. When in the device, a person would be left in a state of trance, so they wouldn't really notice the passage of time. Thankfully, we've deduced that even long periods of exposure had no side effects. Lucky.

It should be noted that during the project in the facility, Joelene was not aware of what exactly we were trying to build, so all she saw when she entered the garage was my wife standing on a platform, staring into nothing. She mostly likely touched her to check if she was alright and I ended up in this situation.

The hybrid stood naked at the door way, with a lusty smile on her face. I quickly tried to remember the guidelines we set out with my team, but I was in shock. And then there was a sense of arousal. And then there was more.

God created Adam and Eve in his garden of Eden. And here I was. I created something else. Somehow Jay seemed an appropriate name for the hybrid.

My memory of what happened is clear as day. I can not possibly forget it, in fact. There was something that felt taboo, a creator making love to his creation, but at the same time it needed to be done.

I remember Jay coming in closer, planting a kiss, her plump red lips touching mine. Soft and wet. And then her tongue gently entered my mouth. She slowly kneeled down and undid my pants, licking and sucking my member. I grabbed a handful of her hair, a shade of brown, like dark honey, and I slowly motioned her head back and forth. She looked up at me, her eyes full of lust and I pulled her head away.

I pushed her onto the sofa and drove myself into her. Jay moaned as I increased my speed. She gently pushed my head towards her huge breasts and I sucked on her nipple all the while she slowly caressed my hair.

After a while, Jay pushed me gently and turned around, indicating that she wanted me to mount her from behind. With no hesitation I entered her once more and she moaned with pleasure. Her back curving downwards as she buried her face in the pillow. Although she didn't feel like Janna, nor Joelene, she still felt familiar, like a distant dream that you'd have a vague recollection of in the middle of the day.

She moved back and forth, in synch with each of my thrusts and I slid my hands down her glistening back, creeping across her ribs and grabbing hold of her breasts, slowly twisting her nipples. After a while I let go of one of the breasts and reached for her clit, massaging it while I pumped her.

After a while I pulled out of her and turned her around, masturbating over her face. She opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue, expectation gleaming in her eyes. I came. I came over her face, in her mouth and on her tits. I don't think I've ever had such a strong orgasm before in my life.

And although I had climaxed, we didn't stop. After a few minutes of recovery we began again, this time more passionately. I caressed her bright skin, like soft velvet to the touch with hours on end and each kiss she planted on my body felt like a little piece of heaven.

I don't know what came over me. It could have been that in Jay I found something I cherished in both Jane and Joeline - the new experience bound closely with the familiar and intimate, without any of the negatives - the notion of being unfaithful and the distance and coldness that time made. It could be something more primitive. Since Jay, although obviously mature, was in reality, new to existence she was pure and untainted by the complexities of life, and, in a sense, formed a certain gateway to a more youthful, unburdened world. It might be a little bit of both. It might be neither.

Never the less, here was I, the modern day Pygmalion, passionately enjoying the fruits of my labor.

Jay wasn't a virgin. But she felt like one. And she moaned like one. Each time I would slowly thrust myself into her, she let out a low groan of pleasure, beckoning me to continue on. And I did. She would slowly contort, each time resembling a renaissance painting and with each pose, I would grow more and more mystified by her. Her breasts spread as her arms seamlessly placed in positions that would look off and yet looked so natural.

With my thumb I would caress her lips and with half closed eyes, she would open her mouth and gently suck on it. I would place my hand on her thigh and slowly grasp it and all she would do is lift herself up a bit, to help me position myself better and to experience her better. I would lean down over her, gently nibbling her neck and she would drag her fingers through my hair, as if reassuring me. She smelled so sweet. Each time she came, I came and each time we would continue our love making, each time more passionate, each time more fulfilling. There was nothing I didn't give her and in turn, there was nothing she didn't accept.

We were lost to the outside world, existing in a timeless space of sex, sweat, opiated movements and infinite bliss. Dreams were made of moments like these, colored in soft, dark shades of brown, purple and blue. With each moment I spent with Jay, I became more and more disillusioned with what I used to do. The project, my colleagues, my mistress, my wife, my entire life. Everything beyond this moment seemed so pointless, so worthless. Or maybe it was that everything that made this moment so divine in the first place. Queer thoughts would enter my mind while in this trance like state. None of this would have happened if I didn't agree on the project, if I didn't grow so distant with Joelene, if I didn't talk up Jane that day, if Augustin and Samson didn't happen upon this curious little side effect of our little miracle machine, if I hadn't explained what I was doing to Joelene. It all lead up to this.

And so after a long day and evening of sensual experiences, which I've never fathomed to be possible, night came around. And as we were lying in the bed, Jay silently sleeping in my embrace and me preoccupied with ceilinggazing, it dawned on me. The steps required for the human amalgamation had been completely lost in my subconscious somewhere and the surfaced like a volcanic eruption completely destroying any form of peace and sending me into an almost delirious state of frantic motions. I got up and pulled Jay with me. I dragged her half sleeping self through the house and into the garage and shoved her into the device. I activated the machine, pulling both Janna and Joelene from the hybrid.

What followed was yells, threats of violence and lawsuits, aggression and sobbing. Both of the women were confused to what exactly had happened and both of them focused their frustration on me and each other. After a few minutes, in which I didn't speak so they could get everything out of their system, I had to explain myself. There was no use hiding it. The cat was out of the bag.

To summarize, Joelene left the house angry, threatening to sue me and to spread the word of the device, while Janna was left mostly silent. She didn't leave me, although we slept on separate beds and we didn't talk to each other for a week. To this day, I haven't heard of Joelene nor receive anything resembling a manifestation of her threats. Still, I wonder what has become of her. I don't think it's an odd question to ask. When you spend intimate time with someone, you begin to ask yourselves what they might be doing now. It's only natural and the feeling is strengthened even more if both of you are tasked to keep a secret like the one we had. In any case, I hope she is alright. And hope she thinks about me from time to time.

Joelene on the other hand had grown more distant and cold. I would spend my days in the garage, to see if I could find anything new with the machine, while she would either sit around and watch her shows or go out and not return until nightfall. I didn't really care. I don't believe I had the right to at least. Days went on. Then weeks. Months. Nothing changed. I had a few talks with the colleagues, regarding any new discoveries. It was all the same. They hadn't tried the human hybridization yet, or at least so they claimed. I noticed a sparkle in Augustin's eye whenever the subject was brought up and he would go silent, only answering sparsely. But then again, that was his usual way of talking, so I might be projecting. There was no news from the higher ups in quite some time, only the usual stuff - to experiment with the futureseeing aspect of the device; the hybridization was not our concern. We eventually figured that a new project might have been assigned to another group to work on hybridization and that perhaps we were left in the dark. In any case, we did as we were told.

At this point, I believe it might be time to mention another character that played a somewhat significant part in my life till this point. And later on, a much more important part. Diana. She is, or rather, was a cleaning lady we hired to take care of the house twice a week. An African-American woman of middle age, leaning more on the heavier side. She would always come to work with her nails done, make up on and with a new haircut. Some might say that, when doing physical labor, one shouldn't put such an emphasis on their look. But Diana, being the as sassy as she was, she would probably shut them down with a line about the job you want and not the one you had, or something along those lines. Although she worked as a cleaning lady, I found her to be quite intelligent, being an avid reader of both fiction and science books. She had an interest in zoology and more specifically arachnology. Disregarding her interests, she was also quite streetwise and had a knack for oration, being able to convince a person to do anything, given enough time of course. She actually found out about my affair with Joelene when it first started and yet, she didn't rat me out, claiming it was not her business and that also it wouldn't be right to blackmail me. She was a good person.

I had to mention Diana for what was about to come. You see, dear reader, after about a month and a half, my wife finally spoke to me. She told me, that she wasn't mad at me for having an affair, since she had been having one as well. I don't remember any of the details, but I wasn't shocked or surprised. She wanted us to have a talk. I didn't really care for a talk. I had been preparing myself for a divorce long before the entire Jay debacle. But the divorce option didn't come up. Janna suggested that we could rekindle our marriage in one way or another. And she emphasized the "another".

My wife, as part of the Jay consciousness, had experienced a great amount of pleasure and love during our session. She noted that what I had done was deplorable on more than one level, but never the less, she wanted us to try it again, as a way to rekindle our dwindling fire. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I'm sure I was petrified for at least a minute, unable to form a coherent sentence or thought. After a long discussion, we reached the conclusion, that we would try it out. Here is where comes into the picture. Janna wanted to fuse with Diana, I would make love to the hybrid and later on I would fuse with someone of my choosing and repeat the process.

Now, dear reader, you might have noticed that it has taken me a while to describe my life to this point and I can assure you, that although it may seem quite idiosyncratic at times, I have thought over some of the more confusing and...ethically questionable aspects of my story, to be easier to talk them over with somebody. But at that time, I had no idea how I should proceed with Janna's request. Asking the cleaning lady to have a threesome with you and your wife is, at least the way I imagine it, a tough dialogue to go through. If you were in my shoes, how would you ask the help to fuse with your significant other so you can fornicate with the resulting organism? Whatever the case may be, at least even you, after all you've read up to this point, can most certainly agree that this is the least deplorable part of the journey. The mere fact of asking, I believe, is enough to alleviate at least partially the moral ambiguity of the situation. Perhaps I should mention that I accepted Janna's offer. I should also mention that I had something more in mind. Besides the act of fucking, I was planning on running a series of tests on the hybrid. Janna, at first was a bit hesitant, agreed on my terms. After all, it was part of my job. As far as she knew. I personally think that the prospect of being part of another organism didn't exactly sit right with her. Which is understandable. I didn't really want to fuse with another man either. Something about becoming a distant thought in another being's consciousness send shivers up my spine.

The hard part was how to explain the entire process to Diana. She was a smart woman, but I didn't think she would be completely onboard with the idea. But I had to give it a shot. I didn't really have much of a choice. Not considering the future of my marriage of course. I had made peace with that. I truly only wanted to finish my experiment. It was something that after my wife suggested, I couldn't get out of my head. I wouldn't call myself a god, so I won't sound delusional, but I can honestly declare that I was following in a god's footsteps. I had to know what the hybrid was. Could it think? Could it feel? Can it lead a normal life? At this point, dear reader, I am tired of asking of your understanding and to put yourself in my shoes, because I am well aware, that is impossible. You've already made up your mind about me. And there is nothing more I can tell you that would change it. In your mind's eyes, you've seen me cheat on my wife, fuse creatures together and copulate with an amalgamation, who's parts were not fully consenting to be part of the whole. I no longer seek your understanding. I just seek to convey my story. So do not act shocked or surprised at what I did next, but if you saw it ahead of time, I ask you to wipe your self-assured smirk. You have nothing to gain in acting smug. As I mentioned when I began, this is a cautionary tale and not a mystery puzzle for your logical aerobics.

To get back on track, after that little tangent, dear reader. I did not ask Diana if she wanted to participate in helping me out with my marriage. I was above that. So far above that. What I did was much simpler and easier to achieve. All I did was ask her if she would like to be part of an experiment. Naturally, she asked what that experiment might entail. And I explained it simply: "Stand onto the platform and try to remember what you see". At first she was a bit suspicious, but it was easy to dispel her suspicions. After all, would I put her life at risk? She stepped onto the platform and I turned it on. I called Janna over and motioned her to get on the platform with Diana. And she complied.

It was transcendental. With Jay, I didn't witness it and to be frank, it doesn't differ from the hybridization of the animals, but it was still magnificent. This time it wasn't an accident. It was a desired result. And she stepped forward. And she was beautiful. She was almost twice my size, but I embraced her on the spot, again compelled by forces far beyond my control. And in turn, she embraced me. I could see my Joelene's blue eyes and locks of her blonde hair and her delicate smile and at the same time Diana's curves and breasts. "Deejay" was the name I whispered the moment I laid eyes on her. A little silly perhaps. But appropriate.

We would kiss and caress each other, but this time I was not as awestruck as the first. I lead this dance of flesh and oh, how the band played my song. We moved ourselves into the living room, where I pushed on the couch and mounted her there and then. This show of dominance was well received as Deejay pushed herself against me with each thrust. More and more, harder and harder, the animalistic noises we made reverberated through the entire house. Such decadent pleasure, even more than with Jay. I can't really tell you why. Maybe the fact that this time it was intentional and expected. Maybe Diana's libido was much, much stronger than that of Joelene. Who's to say? At that moment there was only doing.

It wasn't long before I came inside her. Naturally, you would too. Deejay was not yet satisfied and I did not plan to leave her that way. I turned her around and started sucking on her tit while massaging her privates. She moaned and held me close to her. And I did what was wanted of me. She came after a while after which she grabbed my hand and pulled it away. At that moment Deejay showed her dominant side. She pushed me on my back and started sucking me off. When I became fully erect, I grabbed a handful of her hair and shoved my cock as deep as I could down in her throat. It caught her by surprise, but she only lead out a little laugh and continued on with the motions. I was sure now that Deejay had more of Diana than Janna. She was never as eager and never as giving. My God. I could have fallen in love all over again.

After a few minutes, I violently shoved my cock down her throat for one final time and I came in her mouth. She swallowed, wiped her mouth and smiled. And we continued.

Burring my face in her neck, I gently bit down. One hand squeezing her nipple while the other caressed her sides. All the while I was fucking her. Not too hard of course. I wanted to savior the moment as much as I could, but I didn't take my time as I did with Jay. Jana wanted me to defuse them both before midnight, which meant I had about 3 more hours. And I was ready to spend them as I liked.

During sex, I'm sure you've noticed, dear reader, a person may find themselves in a sort of trance, where very odd thoughts would enter one's mind. I remember, how in my youth, I read Frankenstein. And I certain...episode of the book sprang to mind. The monster made his master construct him a mate. A woman. Using the same methods with which Victor had created the monster. And suddenly it came to me. What if Victor had first created the female monster, before the male one. His Eve before his Adam. Would he too have made love to it so passionately. Or maybe violently. Either from love or from hate, I am sure now that Frankenstein would have embraced his creation, the same way I did with my own.

Each time I entered her, she released small purrs and with each purr, I would pick up my speed. Her purrs shifting into moans. Her moans into gasps. Her gasps into yells. Each sound that she made filled me with more ecstasy. I was in heaven again.

We would continued on and we made love until the early hours of the morning. The schedule planned out by my wife had been completely forgotten. I was enjoying myself far too much to end it on someone's whim. But around noon I woke up and realized that I hadn't run my tests on Deejay. I didn't have much time and I woke her up with the intention of asking her a few questions. Then I realized that she couldn't speak, which bothered me to some extent. She showed signs that she understood me, as she nodded when I asked her if she wanted coffee. She showed signs of cognitive reasoning as she blew on the hot coffee to cool it off. But why couldn't she speak? I had to find out at some point. After all, this entire exercise would be replayed again at a later date.

But did it have to be replayed at a later date? It was obvious that Deejay was a living, thinking creature. What would it mean if I defused her? Would she die or simply cease to be Deejay? Can something shift from existence into non-existence so easily? Would it be painful?

Here, for the first time, dear reader, I was actually hit with a moral dilemma. You may not believe me, but I did consider all possibilities. I had started to feel something towards the hybrid, towards Deejay. It wasn't romantic love, for sure. I can not with full honesty call it fatherly love either. But I felt responsible, as someone who had brought her into this world. More questions arouse when I considered the possibility of letting her be as she is now. Would that mean that two lives were lost in the process? Maybe. But we do not think of a life as simply an umbrella term for a properly functioning organism, do we? If we did so, we wouldn't kill pests, at the very least. No. When we talk about life, we talk about the potential that life has on those around us, or more importantly, society itself. It's why we mourn the deaths of artists and why we ravel in the deaths of criminals. One has positive effect on society, while the other - a negative. Simple really. So the question was: what kind of effect do Diana and Janna have on society. Surely they are not criminals, so it can't be negative. But neither of them had done anything astonishing for the betterment of the people, so it can't be positive. And I'm sure neither of them would achieve anything great in their life time either. Or even after it. What we had here, were two women with a completely neutral alignment. People who would forgotten to the sands of time, their names faded out of their epitaph from dust and wind. But at that place and moment, they had the potential to be remembered for eons to come. Not as the individuals they were, but rather as the essential components of what would be the first building block of the future world. You may think me a monster by now. I don't care. You could not possibly understand what I was going through. I found no point in letting two bickering women dictate my golden age to come. I could not let them take my precious creature away.

I decided to let Deejay exist. Of course I followed through on my promise and made every test we had planned with my colleagues. I didn't tell them of Deejay's existence, of course. I didn't think they were ready. I doubt they still are.

It didn't take long for Deejay to start talking. I attribute her early lack of communication skills to shock and not any brain damage or cognitive disability. Throughout the day I would test her responses, knowledge and would let her spend time in the device, from which she could barely remember anything. During the night we would make passionate love. In the end, you could say that Janna got her wish. The marriage was being rekindled, although probably not in the way she expected it to be.

With each passing week, me and Deejay would grow closer and with time, we completely stopped the experiments. They didn't matter anymore. I was receiving my money and I managed to extract all I could from that machine. Things were finally looking good for me.

Until one faithful day.

By this point, dear reader, I am sure that you've thought to yourself, at least once, "this man is mad". Either in regards to my ramblings, or my grey morality. But I assure. I was not mad. And as of writing this, I can say that I still am not. But...I am starting to worry. And as I write these lines, my own belief in the statement starts to waver.

Oh, dear reader, the clock here by my side 00:57. I feel like more than three weeks have passed since I sat down to write this memoir. It's all in one going really. And when I turn my head towards the window, its midday. "Broken clock" you might think. Yet every clock in my house shows a different time. I haven't exited my room for at least a year. But the date doesn't show it. Before I isolated myself, the halls in my house would stretch on and on and on. You could walk them for hours on end and never reach the other room. Sometimes, when you step forward and accidentally blink, you'd be on the next block. I...am a scientist. But this. This here is beyond science.

I may have been angry with you, dear reader, I may have been stern or condescending. But please do not think ill of me. For you are my only friend. Even though we've never met and we never will, you are the only person I can talk to about my plight. Please, dear reader, I beg of you, spare me a few more minutes of your time and you can do with my story as you wish. That's all I ask of you.

Deejay got pregnant. Simple. One day she walked by me and she said she was eight months pregnant. I was in shock. I went for a glass of water to cool my nerves and when I came around and I asked her about, she said no such thing had happened. She suggested I had dreamed it up. I decided to agree. Later that day the clock stopped working. I took it off the wall to see what was wrong. And suddenly it showed that 300 years had passed. It was odd. I restarted it, but it didn't turn on.

It started snowing outside. I went out and it was the middle of June. I would turn on the sink and it took the water about twenty seconds to pour out. Strangely enough it was pouring in a frame by frame fashion.

I called up Augustin to ask him if there was something happening to him. He was surprised at said that he hasn't heard from for 20 years. I immediately hung up and called Samson, who asked me if I had forgotten to tell him something. According to him we had spoken less than a minute ago.

Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing makes sense now. Deejay is pregnant, of that I am sure now. Maybe she has always been pregnant, a sort of cosmic inevitability perhaps. The question is what did this mean? And why was everything the way it is?

I have a hypothesis, dear reader. Its...improvable, especially now. And I can't truly understand what I'm trying to say myself. So I will be as simple as possible. Both for your sake and for mine.

Perhaps, and be free to doubt me, perhaps maybe the...i...i...don't know. Maybe the higher dimensional selves are incompatible with the lower dimensional selves. Maybe the hybrids aren't supposed to exist in our world. Or maybe they aren't supposed to be impregnated by an ordinary human, but by another hybrid. Or maybe they aren't supposed to be impregnated at all. The thought of putting Deejay through the machine to defuse her came to mind, but I could never reach the machine. I swear, I saw the corridor to my garage stretch for an eternity. I packed myself food and water and walked for a year through my house, trying to reach it. I carved on my hand how many days had passed, but I wasn't getting any closer. Finally I just turned around and it was though I had never left.

When we did the first hybridization experiments, Augustin said that there was no point in his personal futureseeings in which he saw himself be an dog-man. Maybe that's the only real semblance of freedom we have. The freedom to choose to be one part of a larger organism. And look where that got me. Stuck in a room. I haven't eaten in years and I don't feel hungry. I haven't had water in decades and I feel no thirst. I haven't slept for a millennia. Or maybe it has only been five minutes. I will be frank with you, dear reader, I tried to kill myself a countless number of times. I tried to hang myself, but I didn't fall. I tried to slit my wrists but the wound healed before the blood started to pour. Tried stabbing myself, but I couldn't budge the knife. I sit here. And write. And stare at the ceiling. Life has ended for me, dear reader. Pray for me. Pray for my salvation. There's a knock on the door.