Chapter 50: If It Makes You Happy
#50 of The Mating Season 4
Chapter 50: If It Makes You Happy
Kel smacked Loryn a good one in the face. It was such a swift and hard punch that blood actually flew. Loryn staggered back in the shallows, the water crashing softly around his ankles before he flopped on his tail and adjusted his jaw, almost as if it'd been knocked out of place by the punch.
They were under the waterfall together, alone, Kel and Loryn. They were in the cavern behind the waterfall, where the crashing of the white foam echoed against the gray walls. Loryn had just confessed to Kel that he'd had a threesome with Aliona and Kira. Kel had obviously not taken it lightly.
Kel stood with his back to Loryn, his chest heaving, his black paws balled into fists. Loryn sat on his tail and said nothing. There was no point. He knew from experience that trying to talk to Kel when he was this angry was useless, so he just sat there patiently waiting for Kel to speak first. He dragged his wrist across his bloody lip and spit more blood into the shallows. Good god, Kel had always been so damned strong when he was angry. Shit. Loryn spit out more blood, and looking at his distorted reflection, he saw his teeth were stained with it. He scooped up water, swished it in his mouth, and spit the water out again until his teeth were white.
"You stupid motherfucker," Kel whispered at last. Though he still had his back to Loryn, his head was slightly turned, and Loryn could see his long black lashes. "I could have overlooked anything else -- anything else! But you with Aliona?" Kel shook his head. "Loryn, you've really gone too far this time."
"That's what Kira said," Loryn said, daring a half-smile.
"Wipe that smile off your face!" Kel barked, his muscular back tight with the sudden rise of his voice. He whipped around and Loryn fought down a hard-on to see Kel's body so rippling, hard, and tense in his rage. He stood with clenched fists and said through flashing fangs: "Why the hell did you do it! Tell me that and then maybe I won't kill you."
Loryn rested back on his paws and sighed. "All right, so maybe I deserved that sock in jaw: I kind of egged Aliona on, though she protested all the way. But, Kel," Loryn looked up at his friend with serious black eyes, "after all these years, I've come to care about Aliona a great deal. She's my friend, too. Can't you see that?"
When Kel just stood glaring down at Loryn, Loryn leaned forward, and resting his elbows on his knees, he went on.
"We were sitting out in the fields one day. Me, her, and Yzlo. Kira and the kiddies were there too. But me, Aliona, and Yzlo, we were sitting under that tree. You know the one."
Kel said nothing, his green eyes unblinking and smoldering with silent rage.
"Anyway, Aliona blurts out her feelings about Kira. She looked so miserable when she was talking about it. And you know me: there's no way in hell I was going to let something like that go."
"Yes, I know you," Kel said darkly. He shook his head. "I don't know why wolves continue to make the mistake of blurting their feelings around you, Loryn! First Zaldon blurts his feelings about me and you send him after me at the mating season, then Aliona blurts her feelings about Kira and what do you do? God! It's like you're still seventeen!"
Loryn winced and scratched the back of his ears. "I know," he said to his knees. "I just want to make everyone happy. When I love somebody . . . that's what I do." He didn't look at Kel when he confessed the words, but he heard Kel sigh, and looking up at him, he saw that his best friend was smiling wearily.
"I guess you can't help the way you are, huh?" said Kel, relenting at last.
Loryn shrugged. "No one can help the way they are. Not always."
Kel sat with another weary sigh at Loryn's side. "Just promise me you won't ever do it again! Do you know what could happen if the three of you were caught?"
Loryn smiled at Kel incredulously. "Kel! How many times have you, Aliona, and Zaldon been together over the years? And you're worried about me, Kira, and Aliona?"
"You're putting my wife in danger!" Kel hissed.
Loryn rolled his eyes. "I'm not doing anything that you yourself haven't already done."
The words stung Kel because they were true: he had been putting Aliona's life in danger for years by having threesomes with Zaldon. He had no argument and merely sat staring at the water as it lapped around his ankles.
"Come on, Kel," said Loryn softly, and Kel closed his eyes when Loryn's fingers started rubbing his ears in a loving massage. "What's the real reason you're angry? That I slept with Aliona or that Aliona slept with me?"
A red blush started creeping up Kel's cheeks and he couldn't stand it when he opened his eyes to find Loryn smiling at him wisely.
"You haven't tasted this for years now, have you?" Loryn went on, closing a paw around his own cock.
Kel looked away. "Don't, Loryn! That's not the reason I'm angry --"
"Of course it is," Loryn said over him. "Aliona got a piece of this, but you didn't. You've been so wrapped up in Zaldon all these years, you kind of brushed me aside, didn't you?"
"So is that why you got Aliona and Kira together! To get back at me!" Kel hissed, the green eyes firing.
Loryn laughed. "God, Kel, come down off that cloud you live on -- or whatever you're smoking, give some to me. The world doesn't revolve around you! Don't you think it's possible that I might have gotten Aliona and Kira together that night just to see the two of them happy?"
Kel said nothing, and with a sudden flash of anger, he smacked Loryn's paw from his ears and snapped, "Cut it out!"
Loryn leaned close and whispered wetly into Kel's ear, "Make me." He gave Kel's ears a very hard ruffle and burst out laughing when Kel exploded.
That taunting ruffle of Kel's mane was the last straw. He roared and lunged on Loryn, pinning his laughing friend to the ground. His fangs flashing, he sank his teeth in Loryn's neck and started biting him, growling and snarling and flashing his tail. Loryn, as usual, just laughed, and when Kel leaned back and closed his paws around Loryn's neck, the bigger, stronger wolf pulled Kel down to him and kissed him.
Kel struggled wildly against this taunting kiss and felt his cheeks color up when his cock got hard. Oh, god, no! He pulled his lips away, grunting that he hated Loryn, but Loryn suddenly rolled over on Kel, pinning him down. Kel struggled weakly, growling out empty threats, his fangs still flashing, his mane in his eyes. But the more Kel struggled, the more their hard bodies flexed and strained against each other, the harder Kel felt his dick grow until it was standing thick and stiff against Loryn's stomach. He felt with a jolt that Loryn was now hard too. They lay belly to belly, and Loryn was smiling down at him. God, Loryn was still so handsome after all these years! But it was his eyes that had always made Kel's heart leap: those intensely black, playful, and yet loving eyes. He grew very still as Loryn, still smiling, started stroking his mane back. They hadn't been alone like this for years, and he'd forgotten how loving and affectionate Loryn could be when no one else was around.
"Stop pretending, Kel. You know you want this," Loryn whispered. "You're so hard that if I touched you right now, you'd explode."
Loryn touched the tip of his finger to the opening in the head of Kel's cock, where pre-cum was seeping out and dripping over. Kel bit his lip, his humiliation increasing tenfold when Loryn smiled again.
"I'm right, aren't I?" continued Loryn. "You've wanted me for a long time."
Kel closed his eyes and miserably nodded.
Loryn's black eyes clouded over and he asked darkly, "So why didn't you come to me?"
"You know why."
Loryn lifted his eyebrows. "Do I? I must've missed that bulletin." He suddenly sat up, his back to Kel, and in a sudden burst of anger, he dashed his heel into the shallows with a wild splash that sprayed them both.
Kel sat up too. This was the moment he had been dreading, this moment when they would finally admit to each other why they had drifted apart. They hadn't been at the waterfall alone like this for more than years, after all. As Kel's visits with Zaldon became more frequent, Loryn was pushed further and further to the back of Kel's mind until the two of them hardly spoke anymore let alone made out in the forest. Kel, feeling guilty, had dropped little hints every now and then, but Loryn had pretended not to understand or had simply ignored Kel's passes.
"Loryn, I . . . I didn't mean to brush you aside --"
"It wasn't exactly as if I clung to your leg," Loryn answered with a miserable little laugh. "If you wanted to be with Zaldon, Kel, then I was happy to step aside and let that happen. Even if it meant never being with you again."
"You told me you'd never leave me," Kel answered, his voice sad and almost accusatory.
Loryn rested his elbows on his knees, and without turning, he said darkly, "You can't have it all, Kel. You chose Zaldon and Aliona. No room for Loryn anymore, right?"
"Don't be stupid. There's always room for you!"
"Kel, you little slut," Loryn said with a laugh. But the laugh was bitter and sarcastic and he chucked a rock at the shallows so hard that one would have thought the river had done him some great personal wrong.
"Do you think," Loryn went on in a scathing voice, his back still to Kel, his handsome face twisted in a scowl, "that I was just going to sit idly by while you blew me off to be with Zaldon and Aliona? That I was going to just sit around twiddling my fingers until the moment came when you suddenly remembered that I existed and decided that we should fuck again? What kind of leash did you think you had me on? Kel is horny and Loryn is there --" he snapped his fingers derisively "-- at the drop of a hat! I won't be used, Kel! Not by you. Not by anyone. Not anymore."
"I never used you --!"
"Oh, shut up, Kel!" Loryn snapped, glaring over his shoulder. "All you've ever done is use me! I waited all my life for you to love me back! I never wanted your body -- I always could have had that, whore that you are! I wanted your heart!" He grabbed Kel by the back of the neck and peered earnestly into his face.
"You said you'd dealt with that," whispered Kel, incredulous.
Loryn smiled sadly. "I lied." He rose to his feet and stood with his back to Kel. He was about to wade into the shallows and swim away when Kel stopped him. He scrambled to his feet and grabbed Loryn's arm.
"If you were in love with me all this time, then why the hell did you get me together with Zaldon! Why did you send him after me?!"
Loryn looked down into Kel's bewildered expression with something between amusement, sadness, and tenderness. He touched a gentle finger to Kel's lips and whispered, "I wanted you to be happy."
With that, Loryn waded into the shallows and swam away. This time, Kel didn't stop him.
"Well, okay . . . I still get stoned. I'm not the kind of girl you take home . . . If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad. If it makes you happy . . . then why the hell are you so sad?" Sheryl Crow, If It Makes You Happy.
This song didn't really inspire this chapter (it never really works that way), but I later realized that it was a lot like it: Loryn is struggling to make everyone around him happy by getting them together because inside . . . he feels as if he isn't good enough. Loryn never felt good enough for Kel because Loryn does not know the meaning of the word "commitment," so to make Kel happy, he gets him together with Zaldon. He tries to do the same thing for Aliona and Kira, though his tampering seems to blow up in his face this time.
So by the end of this chapter, Kel finally understands why Loryn does all these stupid things: out of self-loathing and an earnest need to please his friends. Out of love.