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Twelve

Panic

Turned out it was not worth it. Every bowel movement over the next week was pure agony. I won't go into detail, but it was gross and painful and blood was involved. After a panicked next morning, I reluctantly told Agnes what had happened the night before. Without a word or look of judgment, she whipped out a salve, pressed it in my hands, and told me to apply it liberally to my anus four times a day for a week. The exchange was so practiced that I had to think this was not her first time dealing with anal tearing from sex. Considering the size of her dick, I wasn't the least bit surprised.

I avoided sitting on my butt for a while, preferring to lie on my side. I skipped weights in the Yard all week, the thought of exertion tearing something else making me paranoid. Instead, Tanya, Rika and I laid in the grass nearby, holding each other and watching the boys absently. We rarely talked in the Yard anymore. There was a quiet intensity whenever someone took to the weights, like we were building ourselves up toward something but we couldn't put a finger on what, exactly.

I spent my time in the suite reading the book on mechanical engineering. No title or author, strangely, no dedication page or publication page about where it was written or when. Just page one jumping right into a schematic for some kind of negative airflow vacuum, and getting more complicated from there. I drew out a couple diagrams to try my hand at it, using simple planes and pulleys to build things on paper. Most of them probably would never work, but it felt good. Kiba could have done better, of course. All I could do was try.

* * *

Three weeks after the Butt Incident, I threw up.

I was in the bathroom, finally getting used to doing my business without feeling any pain, when breakfast stomped its way back up the stairs to my mouth and knocked on my teeth to complain about the lodgings and move out. I barfed all over the bathroom tiles and wall. Fact: cereal is not as delicious coming back up.

I cleaned it up, but I felt nauseous all day. I skipped the Yard. I was in no mood to see other people. I wondered if I was coming down with something. I wasn't feeling any better the next morning, so I skipped breakfast entirely. This was not enough to keep me from vomiting again, unfortunately. I didn't even make it to the bathroom this time, just hurled in the hallway outside my bedroom. It ricocheted off the wall and splattered like greenish-brown paint all over the wood floor. Rika came bounding out of Leon's room and clutched my leg, squealing.

"Why are you making loud noises?" I whimpered, feeling another wave of nausea threaten to upchuck my empty stomach.

"You're pregnant!" Rika squealed again. "I can't believe we got there together! Leon! Leon, get out here!"

Leon slouched out of the bedroom, bleary-eyed with a piece of toast dangling out of his mouth. "What?" he grumbled, then his eyes widened at the mess and the sight of his sister bent over, hands on knees, vomit dripping from my lip. "Shit. Nollie, are you okay?"

"Super," I croaked, giving him a thumbs up. I didn't dare turn my head to look at him, for fear of another round of barfing.

"It's morning sickness!" Rika said, hugging Leon's waist. "She's pregnant!"

Leon's face went slack with surprise. "Oh gods! Nollie! We're gonna--!"

I smiled at him and held out my paw, swallowing down bile. "Contrary to appearances, I am very excited," I said thickly.

My brother helped me to stand straight, and gently hugged me. "You just can't escape throwing up, can you," he teased, kissing my forehead.

"It's a curse," I said, nuzzling him.

The sensation of being elated while also constantly being on the verge of throwing up was disorienting, but even my headache and the barf drooling down my chin couldn't stop me from laughing and crying into Leon's shoulder. I was going to be a mom. I was going to be a mom to his kittens. I hadn't felt like this since Leon had first woken up from his coma and I knew he was going to be okay. Rika stayed clamped onto my brother's waist, and we stayed that way for as long as we could tolerate the smell. Turned out to be quite a while.

Eventually, Rika wrinkled her nose. "Okay, let's get the mop and bucket before that stains the floor."

* * *

I didn't return to the Yard for several weeks. It was just too much jostling and walking to take the rickety old elevator downstairs, only to lie on a bench and pant no matter what the temperature was. By the time my morning sickness passed, I was ready to murder Rika in a jealous rage. How come she didn't get sick?! It was patently un-freaking-fair.

Staying upstairs for almost two months was miserably boring. I whiled away my time reading and either writing my thoughts down on parchment or studying the engineering manual. I even found a schematic for a prosthetic arm, near the back! I couldn't believe it. But the arm in the book was significantly less sophisticated than the one Agnes had given Leon, and it wasn't independently mobile. I had no idea what mechanism allowed conscious mobility in Leon's arm, but I suspected it wasn't mechanical. It had to be alchemical, had to be. There just wasn't a machine in existence that could translate thoughts to movements--leastways, not that I'd seen in any book thus far. There were no books on alchemy here, though. Maybe I could sneak into the Mender's room and steal hers someday...

Speaking of which, Mender Agnes started coming up to see me instead of the other way around, absolutely beaming at me every time. I wanted to think she was genuinely happy for me, but my embittered brain made all sorts of unflattering assumptions about that smile, like she was only happy her experiment wasn't failing, and that I'd saved her bacon by getting knocked up. The thoughts made me immediately feel guilty, but they stuck like a burr.

By the time my morning sickness cleared up, I was feeling a little more generous. Not wanting to vomit twenty-four hours a day did wonders for one's mood, apparently. "Morning" sickness. HA. But I guess "every freaking waking hour" sickness didn't roll off the tongue.

The next time Agnes came to see me, she started her usual routine of taking my temperature and blood pressure, then gently pressing on my stomach as I lay naked in bed. She smiled at me, and this time I actually smiled back. "No more vomiting?" she asked. I shook my head. "I'm glad. I've heard it's just the worst. You're not out of your first trimester yet, so count yourself lucky. Some women get it almost from the outset and it doesn't let up for three months."

"Yeah, only two months for me," I snarked. "Hooray." She chuckled, and I found myself fiddling with my hands. "Agnes?"

She gave me an inquisitive look. Gods, I didn't even know why I was asking. I knew the answer, why ask? It felt needy.

"You're happy for me, right? Not just happy that your experiment didn't fail?"

Agnes sat down on the bed and took my hand. She hadn't shown that kind of affection for months--not since our little tryst. "Of course I am, honey. I mean, I'm happy about both those things. But I'm mostly happy the experiment ain't shutting down because it would mean you and Leon and the others going back into the Pit. And..."

"And that would mean our deaths," I finished, squeezing her big hand reassuringly. "I knew it. I don't know why I even asked. But... thanks."

Agnes actually brought my hand up and kissed the fingers before placing it gently on my tummy. There was a faint, almost imperceptible swell in my tummy that hadn't been there even a week ago. Every time I looked at it, terror and joy wrestled to the death in my chest. Leon hadn't mentioned it yet--I don't think he noticed--but Rika loved rubbing my tummy, and I did hers. Her bump was more pronounced than mine, but Leon hadn't mentioned that either. My brother could be awfully oblivious.

Agnes rose to leave, and I said, "Wait!" She glanced back at me patiently. I bit my lip. "Now that I'm pregnant, I uh. I can't get... more pregnant, right? Like, somebody else can't put a bun in my oven while one's already cooking?"

Agnes laughed. "No, honey. No fear of that."

I smiled at her. "Okay. Just... a thought. Is all."

Agnes blushed. "Just a thought, huh?"

"Mhm. Have a good day, Mender." I gave her my sweetest, most innocent smile.

Agnes shifted uncomfortably as something big and long twitched in her pant leg. "You too, Nola. I'm switching you to a high-protein diet, by the way. Keep taking those pills I gave you and lots. Of. Water. All the time. Okay?"

I smiled demurely. "Want me full of fluids, do you?"

Agnes coughed into her hand as she turned crimson. "Ah... hm... Okay. I'm leaving." Despite her words, she shuffled around a little, continually eyeing me as I lay sprawled and naked on my bed, before finally hurrying out of the suite. I wasn't sure I actually wanted to have sex with Agnes after everything that had happened, but gods it was fun to tease her.

* * *

I started suspecting Leon wasn't as oblivious as I'd thought. I would catch him staring at me and Rika when he thought we weren't looking, and his face... Oh, gods, he just looked so lost. I understood the feeling, a little. I mean, Mom died when we were so small. I don't remember much of what she did for us aside from nursing us and watching over us like a hawk, so I didn't exactly have a role model on how to be a mom. Leon had less than that even--we had _no clue_who our father even was, let alone what being one entailed. Not giving a shit about your kids and leaving them to rot in a prison camp their entire lives, apparently.

Whenever I caught him looking, he'd turn away as casually as he could manage, as if nothing had happened. I would pull myself away from the writing desk and go cuddle him, letting my warmth reassure him the way it always reassured me. I didn't know if it worked, but he never turned me away. Rika would look up from whatever she was doing and give us that dopey grin of hers that made my heart flutter. I wondered, sometimes, how many people were lucky enough to find even one person to fall in love with, let alone two.

Today, Rika was at the painting easel, a lead pencil in hand. She was working on outlining a landscape, complete with a line of thick, bushy objects--trees, she'd said-- and a seemingly endless horizon of grass. She didn't paint it, but instead drew it out and had Leon paint it. With Rika's gentle guidance, Leon had made incredible progress in his skills, and Rika's outlines helped Leon's wandering brush stay focused, making them an awesome pair.

For my part, Leon would point out spelling and syntax errors in my work. I grumpily told him he should be the one writing, not me. He kissed me, told me I was an idiot, and to keep writing. I scowled at him but did as he suggested. In the end, I think I undersold myself. Leon always knew the right words, but he said he never knew the right way to use them. I didn't understand it until I'd started writing. I guess he and I made a pretty great team, too.

I glanced up to watch Rika for a bit, leaning on the desk and watching her naked butt jiggle a little as she reached up to sketch out a few lines for clouds at the top of the canvas. Watching her body move was one of my favorite daily pleasures. Don't get me wrong, my brother looked beautiful too, but he and I didn't have a finely shaped booty like Rika. I caught Leon staring too, but his face looked stricken. I sighed. My brother was sweet, but he was also kind of a coward. Well, Rika and I would pull him through this to the other side, even if we had to drag him kicking and screaming. And we'd still love his sweet, dumb ass regardless.

A knock at the door signified it was Yard time. We reluctantly dug out some clothes and headed downstairs. Rika huffed as she walked, a little out of breath. "You okay?" I muttered to her as Leon trailed behind us.

She nodded. "Just all clogged in the snout," she whispered back. "Makes it hard to breathe through my nose. Same thing happened when I was pregnant with Dessi, it'll pass."

"Oh, I don't have that," I said. "But my freaking gums hurt. What the Hells is that even? I'd rather have the stuffy nose."

Rika snorted. It definitely sounded congested. "Least you don't have UTI's. I'm bound for one any day now. Got them with both my babies." She looked a little morose as she said it, and I grabbed her paw and squeezed it. She smiled at me. "I'm okay. A little melancholy is all. Hard not to think of them right now."

I nodded and kept my paw in hers as we made our way down to the Yard.

Tanya and Patrice greeted us with hugs, and Tanya actually kissed me for the first time since--well. For the first time in a while. I returned the kiss with enthusiasm. "I missed you," Tanya said flatly. "I want to be pregnant too." She looked at Patrice in what could uncharitably be called an accusatory stare.

"Not like I'm not trying," Patrice said sullenly. "Sooner you're all pregnant, the sooner this experiment can be over and we can leave."

I stepped over to him and hugged him. "You're not fooling anyone, you big baby. We love you too."

Patrice hesitated before slumping against me. "I miss her."

I nodded. "Me too."

Tanya wrung her paws awkwardly. "Do you think Leon would try again with me? I don't want to be here anymore."

I tried not to flinch when she said that, but I don't think I was entirely successful. Of course she wanted out of here, this place had taken her freedom and her best friend. It was nothing against me, or Leon, or Rika or Patrice. We all wanted out, now. This place hurt.

She took my hand and held it awkwardly. "When we get out... can I go with you?"

I pulled her into the hug, which she accepted even more stiffly than Patrice. "You're darn right you can. I don't want my babies not to know their Aunt Tanya."

"We aren't sisters," she said flatly, though she rested her head on my shoulder.

"Yes we are," I whispered, and hugged her tighter.

"Hot," Patrice grumbled, trying hard not to smile.

Once we'd extricated ourselves from the hug pile, I took Tanya by the wrist and pulled her over to Leon. He was standing in the center of the Yard, staring at the Scrofa guarding the entrances. I... didn't like that look. Like he was seeing something we weren't. Rika had wandered off with Patrice and was showing him her belly. He touched it with an expression of awe, like he was touching a holy relic. It was adorable. It was also somewhat in my brother's line of sight, and I started to suspect he was paying more attention to the interaction than his face let on.

Something screamed a warning to me, but I wasn't sure what, exactly. Something in his posture said he was preparing for trouble, I think. I couldn't really put my finger on how I knew it, but I could just tell his center of balance had dropped. He looked like one of our feral cousins, frozen in place but tensed to leap away from danger. The first part I'd seen before, but the second part was new.

I cautiously touched his shoulder. He flinched a little, but didn't otherwise react. "Leon?" I asked. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," he said quietly, not turning to look at me.

"Are you sure? You seem... tense." I put one hand gently on his left bicep, absently noting with some pleasure how firm he'd become. Cripes, Nola, not the time.

Leon shrugged slightly, but that was the extent of his movement. Well, maybe a cute girl asking to breed him would snap him out of whatever was going on in his head. "Well, ah, Tanya has a question for you."

"Breed me again," Tanya said firmly. "I want to be pregnant too. I don't want to be here anymore. You got Rika and your sister pregnant, now it's my turn."

My mouth dropped open. I hadn't told anyone about me and Leon. "How did you--?"

Tanya didn't look at me. "Patrice tried forever with Kiba and has still been trying with me, and neither of us got pregnant. So it must have been Leon that got you pregnant. I won't tell anyone. But I want to be pregnant too. Breed me, Leon."

A second too late, I realized what had put my brother on edge. Two pregnant women starting to show, both of them pregnant with his children. He would be a father to not one, but two kits at the same time. Rika was showing her bump to Patrice. And now another Anthro had just asked him to do the same.

My brother turned to look at Tanya, and pure, unadulterated terror dripped from his face. He looked absolutely mad with it. My heart leaped into my throat. "Leon, wait. Don't do anything--" He cut me off as he bolted full-speed toward the nearest set of iron doors exiting the Yard.

Oh, gods. Oh, no.

The two Scrofa immediately sidestepped and crossed their halberds to block Leon's path. Then something... happened.

Gods, it was hard to describe. One second Leon was running at the guards, and the next... there were two Leons running at the guards. One of them ran straight at a guard to bull-rush him, but the guard's halberd came down and its axe head split Leon's skull open like a melon. Blood and gray matter spilled everywhere. I tried to scream, but I was frozen in place.

The second Leon then split into two more Leons. Then those Leons split and there were four of him, all occupying the same space. I couldn't tell you how I knew there were four, only that I did. Their torsos were all in the exact same spot, but their limbs moved at slightly different times, making him look like he was melting. Then they split off and three of them moved in three different ways, but all toward the guards. Each of them died or was subdued violently--axe tip through the eye, right leg hacked off, one even decapitated.

Then the original Leon split again, and there were... oh gods, I don't even know. A hundred? So many. So fucking many. The world spun and I was ready to throw up again. They kept dying or getting violently taken down. Blood and viscera filled my vision as Leon died or was mutilated over and over and over and over and over and

The world righted itself. Leon leaped up and forward, planting one big, flat foot against the right-hand Scrofus's face and driving him back and through the door with a flying kick. I stared, slack-jawed, as he tumbled over the unconscious guard and bolted down a corridor I didn't recognize. In all our spars, I'd never seen my brother do _that_before. The other Scrofus recovered from his shock quickly and pulled a tiny whistle out of his pocket, blowing it hard three times. All the Scrofa in the Yard immediately advanced on us.

"Leon!" I screamed. Still holding Tanya's hand, I moved to rush toward the door where Leon had burst through. The Scrofus immediately put himself between me and the exit, pointing the halberd's axe head at me menacingly.

"The prisoners will stay where they are," he snapped.

I looked from him to the door, then to the approaching guards, my own panic level threatening to boil over. Tanya tugged on my wrist and I turned to her. She rarely showed emotion, but right now she looked terrified. "Don't," she whispered. "Please. They'll kill you."

"But they'll kill Leon!" I pleaded, trying to extricate my wrist from her grip. When had she reversed it? Dammit!

"Please," she begged again. "I can't lose you too."

Gods damn it all, that did it. I stopped trying to tear away from her and slumped my head, defeated. The guards surrounded us and drew manacles from their belts, slapping them on each of us in turn. I mentally cursed my brother over and over again.

Leon, you fucking coward. Idiot. Jerk. Bastard piece of shit asshole idiot coward.

_ Please don't die._