All I want for Christmas...
Hey everyone, I hope you all have a merry Christmas or for those who don't celebrate it, a happy festivus :) I wrote this story based on my true feelings towards my best friend. As a disclaimer, this story is adult rated, if your under 18 or are offended by this, you have been warned before hand. The whole thing is about what I don't have the balls to do, but bits and pieces are, like the flashbacks, they happened. Most of it is just wishful thinking. Also, the names have been changed just to give confidentiality to those involced in the story along with the location being made up. ALSO, there is some music in the story so I posted some links below if you want to take a listen. I hope you enjoy the story, comment and enjoy...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsHKoJM8uv8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3e1Ut-YTVhM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrpSjXo6ah0
All I want for Christmas...
(A partly true story, with alot of wishful thinking)
A cold shiver ran down my back, working its way from my spine out to the tips of my paws. It was like if someone had cold paws and put them on your neck as a joke. However, this was a shiver that I often got, on a regular basis. It only took a certain voice to give me that cold, feeling up my spine.
"Hey Alex, you ready to go?"
It was this voice, or...His voice, James's voice that is. It's a smooth beautiful voice that emulates from his beautiful grey and dark grey striped tabby cat body. I slowly turned my head around and stood up facing him in my bedroom door way. He leaned up against the door, standing at around six feet tall, resting his husky frame against the bracing. I could feel my face flush with blood as my ice blue eyes connected with his dark blue ones.
"Um...Earth to Alex? You ready?" His face held a confused look.
"Oh um...yeah I have my wallet, lets head out." I shook off the cold feeling, not wanting James to get suspicious of anything. Quickly, I grabbed my black Whitechapel hoodie and traversed the row home stairs outside to his car.
"Ok, so we go Christmas shopping at the mall and then dinner. Sound good?" The smile he gave me just melted my heart. It's my favorite large tooth smile that I find so adorable, like any other day he gives it to me.
I recovered from my little tangent quickly, "Sure dude sounds good, how's the food court sound for dinner?"
"Great choice." He gave me a sly smile as he started his engine up to take off.
I guess it seems pretty obvious that I'm into James. There's just something in the way he talks, and smiles and acts that makes me feel so...good inside. James happens to be my best friend of almost 10 years now. Me and him have shared secrets, shared good times and bad, shared all the things best friends normally share, but there is one thing I could never and still can never share with him. That is that I'm gay... for him. He is my best friend so I told him that I'm gay and he doesn't care that I'm gay, but if it was for him... Besides, what would he see in me? I'm just a skinny tan wolf, with a black hair and bright eyes, nothing too special. I'm around five foot eightish, and he's so much taller and stronger than I am. If he saw anything in me, what would it be? That I'm kind or that I'm a pretty decent guitar player? It bothers me that I can't tell him any of this, because on the outside I'm his best friend. One the inside side however; I want him so badly that it hurts to think about it.
"Are you ok today dude?"
I whipped my head out of my day dream and saw a concerned look on his face.
I cracked a fake smile. "Yeah I'm just tired; school really wore me out today." He took the bait and gave me an accepting smile of his own.
"Ok dude."
A few moments of silence passed between us before James chimed in, "Oh by the way, after were done shopping and eating I'm going over to Jenna's house so I'll drop you off at your house ok?"
That right there was like a stab in the gut. I cringed on the inside but nodded in agreement on the outside. He was going over "her" house again, and he was leaving me alone...again. Jenna is his girlfriend, a really sweet artic wolf with snow colored fur and a cheery personality. That was my only problem with her, she was his girlfriend and he loved her so much. I love him that much too, maybe even more, but...he's straight. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and I quickly gave them a wipe without breaking my focus on looking out the window.
"Oh man...damn its packed tonight." James spoke up suddenly.
He spoke the truth. The large square parking lot around the South Point Mall was packed with cars of all sizes and colors in every last parking space. As we traversed each row looking for a spot to park, I up glanced at the front of the mall. All the windows were lit up around the entrance with holiday decorations inviting in customers to purchase gifts and goods. The fine marble that shrouded the building rose up a single story, giving it and almost court house feel. The building itself was shaped like a very block like horse shoe.
"Here's a spot!" James exclaimed with relief as he swung his car into the parking space.
"Let's go shopping!" He yelled with a smug smile on his face.
We started walking over to the mall, side by side looking at all the other furs in the vicinity going for their last minute holiday shopping. The silence between us was getting kind of awkward as we walked into the entrance to the mall. Seeing how it was my fault, I needed to break the ice.
"Can you explain to me again why is it that we both waited until last minute to go Christmas shopping? I mean, Christmas Eve is in like two days." I had a smirk on my face. This happens every year and every year I find it more and more amusing.
"Well, you know...were a pair of idiots who slack off and "forget" until the last few days. Then when our parents ask us if we got our gifts wrapped yet, we say, yes and hurry off to the mall to make sure we actual DO have something wrapped." He began to laugh his cute low chuckle that always made me laugh along with him.
"Did I ever mention how much I love your laugh?" I couldn't help myself saying that.
"Only like a million times..." He rolled his eyes at my redundancy.
"Come on Alex; let's head over towards Pac Sun first..."
I remember a time not to long ago when I first met the grey tabby cat. It was a weekend mid summer when I was eight years old, living at my mother's house for a few weeks of summer. Even as an eight year old I did not really look foreword to this very much. My mom, nice as she is, is not really the mothering type, or...she's not really good at being one. Well, at my school, I had zero friends. Here, I also had...zero friends because I only came here once a week or so. Long story short, my parents are divorced and I live mainly with my dad since I was two years old. To this day I still do not know why they got divorced, but that's their history and unimportant.
_ Well, my mom thought it would be a good idea if we went down to the park for some fresh air during one Saturday afternoon. There were plenty of kids at the parks, of all ages and sizes, all species and genders, but I wanted nothing to do with them. Nothing at all. I hated other children, despised them for the most part. Mainly because at my school I had "acquaintances", so no one really talked to me or liked me for that matter. I don't know why, but for some reason I just never fit in. I always got glares from them, such...hate in their glares that I just...never wanted to be seen by them._
Well, I made my way over to a swing and just began to...swing...alone. As I swung back and forth I got a nice view of what my mom was doing across the tennis courts. She was talking to a young red fox that was holding onto a small male grey kitten wearing a white t-shirt and baggy cargo shorts. Just from the way my mom and the fox were conversing I could assume that the cat was her son. I could see just from the expression on their faces that they were having a pleasant conversation and from the look on his face that he was not enjoying being near their conversation. I began to giggle out loud at seeing this, how he was trying to pull away from our moms and just looking around. Then my face held the same expression as his when I saw my mother point over in my direction and begin to walk with the two new faces behind her.
"Oh god, my mom set me up on a play date I know that face damn it! Well, I had to last just long enough with the kid until I get to go home, then it's all said and done with."
"Alex? Alex this is Diana and her son James. He's your age. Diana and I are going to chat over on the bench over there. I let you two get to know each other."
I got a small friendly wave from Diana and then both the adults left the area. Now came the awkward part, standing face to face with...James. Wow, I did not see this kid from up close but now that I did...wow. His hair was short and black, and his eyes, my god are they blue. There like dark sapphire blue, like the ocean in the morning. His face is so...pretty, just his cat like features arising from that curious look made me feel...happy. I don't know why I feel happy, but I do and I kind of like this feeling. Well I didn't realize it but I was staring at him and he began to smirk.
"Are you alright?" His voice was low for someone my age.
"Um... yeah sorry, I was just spacing out I guess..." My one ear folded back in slight embarrassment.
"He extended a small grey paw to me. Hi I'm James Kellerman, and your Alex..."
"Ferington. Alex Farringdon." I interjected shyly but quickly. He strolled over and sat down next to me on the swing to my right.
"Sooooo..." He was clearly trying to make small talk. "What do you like to do?"
I shyly put my hand in my lap cursing my shyness.
"Umm...I like to skateboard. And pokemon. And video games." His ears perked up when I responded.
"Really?!" He was clearly excited. "I like all of those things too that's so cool."
Now it was my turn for my ears to perk up. "Really? You think that stuff is cool?"
" Yeah. That's so much fun. So what can you do on a skateboard?"
We spent the remainder of the evening talking about our hobbies. I turned out to be better at skating, but our hobbies were so similar, that I actually felt comfortable talking to this kid...to James. By the time we met up with our moms, I decided I wanted to see James again, I had to...he made me feel happy for once. Just as he was about to say his goodbye's to me, his mom interjected.
"No need to say goodbye just yet Jobby, were going to walk home together."
I snickered a little; Jobby was a cute but funny nickname for James, but wait...walk home together?
"Were do you all live?" Curiosity got the best of me.
"Well, I was talking to your mom and it turns out that we actually live right across the street from you."
I was stunned. "You mean that YOU'RE the new neighbors from across the street?"
She smiled a pretty fox grin. "Yes. And you're welcome to come over for a bit if it's ok with your mom."
Before I could look over at my mom, she chimed in with a "Yes that sounds fine with me."
Now James dark blue eyes beam with joy. "This is going to be so much fun, we can play video games and pokemon and..."
"...And now we can get food. So, what restaurant do you want to eat at? The burger joint, the chicken joint, the salad place?"
I gave his arm a playful punch. "You know I'm a vegetarian you dunce."
He laughed. "Ok ok salad place it is jeez..."
We went over to the salad stand, got our food and sat down at a table over by the window. I thought about how we met and that happy feeling that I got when I first met James. I think I know what it is now, that feeling I mean...I think it was love.
"I have a question for you, what are you doing Christmas Eve this year."
My heart skipped a beat and I almost gagged on a water chestnut. I need to stop zoneing out today.
"Um...nothing...what up?"
"Well, Jenna's family from out of state is having a big Christmas gathering going on and basically Jenna's mom asked if I could watch the house for them for the weekend. I wanted to know if you wanted to chill with me on Christmas Eve at her house?"
I could not believe what I was hearing. He actually wants me to spend Christmas Eve with him! This is too perfect!
"Yes!" I said almost too excitedly. "I mean sure, I'll keep you company, wouldn't want you getting lonely with your girlfriend out of town."
Now it was his turn to hit me. "Hey, I asked for company, not sympathy."
I began making the world's smallest violin with my paws. "I am so sorry for your loss."
He just stuck his tongue out at me, causing us to both break into a fit of laughter in the middle of the food court.
"Alright come on, lets take you home before I have a change of heart and strand you here..."
The car ride home was a lot more cheery than the ride to the mall. We talked about the usual things we talk about; Video games, skating and movies. It wasn't until after I left the car and made it back up to my room did I really think about what an opportunity I have been given. I would be alone with him on Christmas Eve. It was supposed to snow, so that means we could get all warm by the space heater (We live in the city so chimneys are absent) and drink hot chocolate and maybe...maybe I should tell him how I truly feel. We are seniors in high school after all and he's going to college down in Florida. Florida...I'm stuck up here in Pennsylvania and he's going to Florida with Jenna. Florida...
"Florida! You're going to Florida! Why are you going all the way down there for college?!" I was fuming with anger.
"Relax man, why are you getting so worked up. It's just college."
"Just college?! It's four years of your life dude. It's a long time. Seriously, why are you going to Jacksonville Florida out of all places?" He avoided my gaze.
"I told you before, I wanted to get away some place, to leave here, music is big in the south and Florida has cheap tuition rates. You know it's been my dream since forever to become a music business major and Florida is where it's happening."
I let out a large sigh. "I know it's been your dream, but isn't there anywhere closer you can go to?" He frowned at me.
"Not anything that I can afford," He paused and gave me a stern look. "Alex, you have been my best friend for forever and you always will be, we can keep in contact, I'll still come home. Nothing will change. It's just some distance, but we'll keep together, I promise." He gave me a beautiful smile as he began to walk down towards the bus stop trudging through the early autumn leaves. "Besides, you have so many great qualities about you, I sure you can use them on your other friends to keep you busy til I'm back." He turned around and gave me a short wave. "I talk to you after I get home from work ok?"
With that said he left me standing on the corner of our street in a thin puddle of after rain mud. I waited until he was out of ear shot before I let small, bitter tears roll down my cheeks.
"...But your taking my good half down there with you..."
I ran the thin sleeve of my black thermal across my check as I cried openly on my bed. It was not fair; he can't leave me here alone. No, he just can't do that...he can't. I began to shake as I cried harder and harder, just wanting this internal pain to stop. I don't want to lose him; I just don't want to see him go... I sat up with a blank expression on my face.
"This Christmas Eve, I have to tell him. I have to tell him how I truly feel, or I am going to let it crush me until I can't feel anything anymore and I just won't let that happen." I spoke out loud, but not loud enough to let my mom or step dad hear me.
I walked out of my bedroom and into the bathroom.
"A nice hot shower should calm my nerves..."
The next two days were a personal hell for me; just the anxiety of waiting for Christmas was killing me. It was funny really; most people wanted gifts fir the holidays but all I really want for Christmas is James. Just for him to love me, or to try and love me, like I love him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Good morning and Merry Christmas Eve to everyone in the tri state area! This is...Click!"
Christmas Eve and Friday had finally come and just as the weatherman had predicted, snow was coming down. Gazing out my window I took a look at the grey sky releasing millions of tiny ice crystals onto the street. It calmed my nerves just to watch the snow blanket the area, creating the perfect Christmas Eve atmosphere. I got up and went off to school as usual, just trying to get this day over with as fast as possible. Soon I realized that paying attention was something I could not do. My mind was just too focused on tonight and what could happen. Tonight I am going to tell him and I will get this off my chest once and for all. I need to get an answer from him.
The day was just passing so slowly, possibly due to my constant checking of the clock. At last however, the day was finally coming to an end as the last five minutes of school arrived.
I walked out of school and to the bus running through my mind what we can do over and over again, "Movies, hot chocolate, some music and then I'll tell him, sure that will work."
I was suddenly brought into focus by the buzzing of my phone from receiving a text message. I pulled it out to read what I got,
Hey, meet me over at Jenna's house around seven tonight. See Ya then dude!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walking up to Jenna's house with my guitar slung over my back, my heart was thumping out of my rib cage. I wish I wasn't so goddamn nervous to be asking him this question. I mean he can respond in so many different ways. He could be angry, or accepting or hate me or love me...I don't know what to expect!
I rang the doorbell and it swung open in less than twenty seconds.
"Alex! Right on time as usual." He was laughing at me.
"What can I say, you said seven and its," I checked my phone. "Seven on the dot." I laughed along with him.
"Well lets get inside, it freezing out here."
Stepping inside I let the heat of the room warm the fur on my face. James had a few candles lit around the house, causing the dark hardwood floors to dance with shadows of the flames. The 52 inch flat screen TV in the living room was tuned into some shitty SYFI movie, Franken-fish or something like that. I made my way over to the tan leather sofa while James went into the kitchen connected to the dining room.
"You want something to drink or..."
"Hot chocolate. If there is any." I was lying; Jenna always had hot chocolate in her house.
"Sure, that actually sounds good right about now."
Five minutes later he walked back into the room carrying two piping hot mugs of coco and two spoons. I cautiously took a mug from him with an approving nod.
"So," I broke the silence. "What do you want to do now watch a movie?"
"Sure what movie do you want to watch?" I responded
"Let's see what's on demand here."
James put on the 2004 remake of George A Romero's Dawn of the Dead. It's not really a very Christmas like movie, but it's a favorite of ours. As the movie progressed, I slowly and cautiously drew closer and closer to James, almost to the point where I was laying against him.
I can feel his body heat radiating off him. He was like a tiny heater all of his own. I could smell the shampoo product he used today on his fur, that subtle smell of winter clean making my hair stand on end. About halfway thought the movie he noticed just how close I had gotten to him. He looked down at me with a puzzled look and for a minute I thought he was going to say something. Instead he just shrugged his shoulders and continued to watch more zombie violence on the television.
Closer to the end of the movie, his stomach made a funny gurgling sound and he sat up straight.
"I guess I'm going to make food now, you want anything?"
I giggled at him and his ears turned a bit red.
"So, you're just going to let your stomach command you around like that?"
He began laughing as well.
"Of course, it's my master and I obey."
I sat up now myself.
"Ok then, I guess food sounds good, what are you going to make?"
He thought for a moment before responding, his ears twitching back and forth.
"How about oven pizza, I think there is one in the freezer."
"Sounds good to me."
As he went into the kitchen to make dinner, I reached over into my acoustic bag and got out my guitar. It was a nice cherry red guitar, with minor fret board wear and tear from constant use. I began to pick out a familiar set of arpeggios that both James and I knew by heart. First it was a G, then a B, then a C, followed by the famous Cm chord that tied them all together. I began to strum the chords quietly and I let the words flow from my mouth.
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eyes
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
James immediately heard my strumming and singing and began to join in from the kitchen, alternating verses with me.
You float like a feather...
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so very special
Now both of us were sort of laughing as we sang the chorus loud and proud.
But I'm a creep!
I'm a weirdo...
What the hell am I doing here!?
I don't belong here...
James walked back into the room as I held out the Cm chord. I stopped and put the guitar down, not bothering to finish the song.
"You ready to get back to the movie?" I mumbled.
"Yeah sure...are you crying?"
I didn't even realize it, but my face was now damp with tears. I reached a paw up and wiped them off quickly, trying to cover it up.
"No...no I'm fine."
He frowned at me before pausing the movie.
"Seriously Alex, what's up? You have been acting weird for the past three days, since the mall actually."
I sighed, "It's nothing it's just..." I can't do it. I just can't keep lying to him any longer. I swallowed and took a deep breath.
"What is it?" He asked concerned.
"Well, remember how I came out to you a while ago."
He nodded. "Yeah, is someone bothering you because you're gay or something?"
"No," I blushed. "You see there's this person..."
He stopped me, "So let me guess, you have a crush on this person and they don't know about it, or that you exist am I right?"
I chuckled awkwardly. "Well not exactly..."
"Well, what is it then?" He gave me his inquisitive stare and I could feel he eyes analyzing my inner thoughts.
"I kind of love this person and I'm really close with them and I've been close with them for a long...long time."
I saw some color leave his face and his eyes become slightly wider.
"Exactly...exactly who is this person?" I felt my heart tighten up in my chest. This is exactly what I feared. The look in his eyes said everything. It was a look of fear. I didn't want to go thought with this anymore; I could just lie, just say someone else's name just to make him feel better. No. I can't do that; I can't go back to feeling how I did three days ago, or for the past nine years.
I swallowed hard and loud, unintentionally. My lips shook as I spoke, but I managed to choke out a single word. It was a word that had a lot of force behind it for being a single word.
"You..."
James face went from some color to no color in under half a second. We just sat there in an awkward silence staring into each others eyes. I couldn't tell exactly what he was thinking, but whatever it was, it was causing him to be in deep thought. I gripped the side of the couch hard in suspense waiting for a response, any response and I got one soon after.
"No..."
My heart stopped. What did he just say? No? No to what? Me? Friendship? Love? What?
"Ww-hat do you mean James?" I choked out.
He was stone faced.
"I mean I don't want you to love me Alex. Not like that."
I felt tears trickle down my check fur. How could he say that? For me to not love him?
"That's like telling you to not love Jenna." I said out loud wishing I had not.
He frowned, anger in his eyes. "That's the exact reason I don't want you to love me!"
Now I was crying openly, not even trying to hide it.
"What because you're straight!"
"Yes because I'm straight! And I love Jenna you even said so yourself!" Now he was yelling, on the verge of screaming.
I didn't want to hurt him but I need him to be sure. I NEED him.
"But how do you know?"
This statement shocked him causing him to sit back down, appalled by my words.
"What did you just say?"
"I said how do you know? How do you know that you don't like guys? You have never even been with a guy! You like me right?!" I spat my words venomously, through tears.
"Not like that I don't! I like you as a friend. I love you like a brother, but not like a lover. Not in a sexual way!"
I just sat there, like an abandoned child, just wanting feel loved. A minute passed with no change.
Then the next thing he did surprised me. He took me up in his arms and put my face into his shirt. We just sat there, holding each other as I cried softly into his shirt. I could feel his heart slowly pumping, calm and relaxed. It was rhythmically soothing, calming me down with his heart beat.
I lifted my head off his chest and stared into his beautiful blue eyes. Without breaking eye contact I composed myself and asked him the ultimate question.
"James...If you don't want to love me like that...would you...would you at least...do it with me tonight?"
His eyes went wide and his stare went rigid.
"W-what? Do it with you like..."
I gave him a slow nod. I could tell by the look in his eyes he didn't know what to say. His gaze was pleading, like he didn't want to say no and hurt me but...
"Just...tonight...and like nothing happened?" Now he looked like he was scared. I placed a paw on his face and gave him a warm smile.
"Please? No one has to know. I swear no one will ever know." I quickly thought of a more convincing line. "Haven't you just wanted to see what it's like?"
He sat there for a solid ten minutes just thinking about what I just said, processing it, leaving me guessing. If he said no...I don't know what I'm going to do. Would anything ever be the same between us? I mean...
"If it makes you happy...well I'll try..."
My mouth dropped open. Did he just say what I think... I cracked a smile.
"You...you mean it? Do you want to... right now?"
He cringed a little. "Right now? I mean...I guess if you want to..."
I couldn't contain myself.
"Well, tonight is Christmas Eve and I was hoping to make it last. Just this one night."
I saw the blush on his muzzle even though he tried to hide it. I felt bad now; I didn't want to force him into this if he truly didn't want to. I didn't want to hurt him.
"Hey look I'm sorry... If you really don't want to do this we can..."
Before I could finish my sentence, he grabbed my head and pushed our lips together in a sweet embrace.
I just let my eyes close and his tongue explore my mouth. I began to move my mouth open and shut and he followed suit, turning into a full on make out. This was now officially the sole greatest moment of my life. We let the kiss last a good minute before we broke it.
"Wow, that was...different." He gasped in surprise.
I blushed.
"Wait until you experience what else I can do."
His ears folded back in embarrassment. I needed to just get him more calm and loose.
"Why don't we go upstairs and I can "introduce" you to my many features."
He mutely nodded, starting to sweat a little bit in the process. I grabbed his paw and escorted him up the stairs to the spare bedroom. As we entered, I clicked on the small end table lamp. The small lamp easily illuminated the even smaller grey room, giving the Satan color carpet a warm glow to it.
I brought him over to the bed and ushered him to sit. "Wait here, I'll be right back."
I left him on the bed and went down stairs only to return a minute later with my ipod in paw. I carefully plugged it into the dock on the nightstand and hit a few buttons. Soon soft music began to play out of the speaker.
"Closing Time? Interesting choice of song."
I smiled at him.
"Semi-Sonic makes the moment...because I know who I want to take me home."
He immediately howled with laughter at my cheesy remark.
"Wow, that was really bad."
I gazed at the floor with embarrassment.
"I know, but...I can be worse right now."
There was a moment of tight silence in which he clearly was thinking about what he was doing. I didn't want to break the silence this time...he needed time to think it through. Finally he broke the silence.
"Ok...so how should this go?"
"Like you normally do it."
He rolled his eyes. "But she's a girl, it's different!"
I thought for a second. What can I do to make him feel more comfortable?........ I got it. "Give me a minute, I'll be right back."
I ran out of the room and into the neighboring room, Jenna's room.
"Hey what are you doing?"
"Just hold on..." I replied in a flat voice.
When I exited the room five minutes later, his jaw dropped to the ground. I emerged wearing a tight white belly shirt, a pair of red lace panties and eye liner on.
"Oh...my god..."
I giggled at his drooling expression.
"How do I look now?"
Jenna and I are both small compared to James, so we could both wear the same size clothing. I walked over to the bed, swaying my tail back and forth in a sexual manner. I watched his eyes follow my ass as it swung, or what little ass I have on me.
"You...wow...you pull off a girl well."
"Shhhh..." I put a finger to my lips and sat on his lap muzzle to muzzle with him.
"Then treat me like one."
This time I pressed our muzzles together exploring his mouth with my tongue. We fell back onto the bed, still in embrace. I blindly reached over to my ipod counting the number of clicks till I found the song I was looking for. Earthquake by The Used. I began to feel up his body, my paws gliding over his soft stomach and onto his nipples. I pulled of his shirt as he did mine.
To his pleasant surprise, I was wearing a bra underneath the shirt and I felt a large bulge form up against my own bulge. I broke the kiss and began to suck on his neck working my way down his body. First it was his chest, then his stomach which he giggled when I did that. Then I unzipped his pants and pulled them off and gave his growing member a nice squeeze stirring a low moan of pleasure out of him. I pulled down his underwear allowing his semi erect pink member to flop out at me.
"Damn...your quite big down here..."
He snickered sitting up, but soon fell back onto the bed in complete pleasure as I wrapped my muzzle around his penis.
"Ohhhhh....oh my GOD that feels...so...good!"
I began to move my head back and forth, coating his dick in saliva and the pre that was coming out of it. It only took a good two minutes before he was getting close.
"Ahhhh...Alex...I'm...getting close dude...ohhh..."
I quickly pulled off of his member and stood up, pulling off my pants and my underwear. He sat up wheezing, looking at me confused.
"Alex, what are you doing?"
I bent over exposing my underside to him causing him to gasp a little.
"I want you to take me tonight. I want you inside me James; I want it more then anything right now!"
He looked at me slightly appalled.
"What!? You mean in your...I...I don't know if I can do that Alex."
I turned my head giving him the most pleading stare I could give him. I didn't just want this...I need this.
"Please, just...do what you were doing before, you were doing great."
James stood up walking over to the door.
"No I can't, I'm sorry..."
I couldn't believe it. The only guy I truly ever loved and I was so close with him, SO CLOSE. I can't let him leave, not now; it just won't be the same between us if were that close and stop. I ran over and grabbed his paw, stopping him in the doorway.
"Please James! Pease don't leave me! I...I don't want to lose you please!" I was starting to cry again by this point; I just want him...just for this night.
He could see the amount of hurt that was in my face. It was nothing like he had ever seen, because I never was like this around him.
"Well...I...," He rubbed his face in frustrating and anxiety.
"Please!" I begged. "I can only have you for tonight! I know you love Jenna, and I know you want to be with her, but for tonight can we just be close? Us for one night?" I sound so desperate this is really sad. This is not going to work.
"Ok..." He sighed "Just let me get something first.
I sat over on the bed wiping my tears away with a shirt as he went into the bedside table and pulled out a small clear bottle. He tossed it over to me.
"You want to prepare yourself or do..." I held up a paw. "It's the least I can do for you James, thank you so much."
He didn't reply and I didn't want to wait for one. I squirted out a generous amount of clear lube onto my fingers and began to work it around the outside of my tail hole. After a few passes, I squeezed two fingers together and pressed onto my anus until it opened up and the fingers slid in. I cringed a little bit as I ran my fingers around the inside of my virgin ass which was not liking the foreign object that was in there. After a few good swabs I pulled back out and bent over the side of the bed. I tossed James the bottle.
"Ready when you are."
James quickly applied lube and a condom he got from the bedside table to his slowly deflating member.
"Are those for you and Jenna?" I chimed in trying to lighten the mood.
"Yeah..." He answered softly blushing.
James brought his penis over to my rear and gently pressed the tip against my opening.
"Are you ready Alex?"
I exhaled slowly. "Carry on."
James gave a slow thrust and all I felt was hot pain, lots of pain. I kept my cheeks relaxed only to grip the sheets and my teeth together. James must have scene my face and stopped.
"Alex, are you ok?"
I gave him a simple thumbs up and he continued until all eight inches of him was inside me.
"This feels a bit...different. Now what do I do?"
I exhaled slowly before answering. "Just rock back and forth slowly, like with a girl, I'll be fine just trust me."
He began to rock back and forth, in and out causing my pain to melt into liquid pleasure. I felt my member become rock hard again and I wrapped a paw around it.
"Faster James!" I yelped.
I heard him grunt and his speed picked up. Now I was running my hand up and down my member at the exact same speed. I could feel my prostate taking hits over and over again, causing me amazing pleasure. Then James began to slow up.
'I...I don't know if I can do this dude... I just."
He wasn't going to pull out on me now, no he was not. I squeezed my inside around his penis causing him to have an intense moan.
"I can be just as responsive as a girl James." I didn't even have to say anymore before he kicked it back into high gear.
Soon his thrusts became more sporadic and his breathing heavier. I was coming close to a climax soon too and I began to squeeze tighter and move faster. Soon it all became too much for me.
"Oh James...Oh James...oooouugghhh..." My knot twitched and I shot a very large load of seed straight onto the bed. I'm going to have to wash those sheets.
Then to my surprise, James was right behind me, "Ohhhhhhh mmmyyyy god Alex I'm going to... I can't..."
James tried to pullout but he didn't make it. I had a sudden rush of warmth inside of me as my bowels became filled up with his seed. Then, his knees gave out and he collapsed on top of me on the bed. I felt myself land in my own seed, coating my chest with the white substance. James head landed next to my face due to him being taller than me and we both laid there, to exhausted to say anything to each other.
30 Minutes later...
Laying there under James, while he recovered from what we had just done, I could not help but feel jealous. I mean come on? Jenna gets this guy for the rest of her life and I get heartbroken...again... I raised my nose out of the sheets to just get a smell of him. His sent is so beautiful it makes me wish that I could smell that sent forever, to just be held by him forever. To just lay here forever. I felt James stir as he pulled out his now deflated member. I felt his warm liquids run out of my butt, but I just didn't care. I felt my sinus' begin to swell. My eyes became full with tears and I began to quietly cry under him. I heard some snoring come from on top of me and smiled. James had fallen asleep; at least I can just lay here until he wakes up. Until Jenna comes home. Until I lose him forever. More tears began to run down my face as I quietly rolled over and wrapped my arms around him. I put my face resting up against his neck, with my muzzle next to his ear. It's funny, just laying here almost is like being in heaven with him. Kind of reminds me of a song...
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
His right ear twitched at the touch of my breath as I continued to sing.
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
James eyes batted slightly open as I wept into his neck, singing through my sobs.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and
Just forget the world
Now James was awake, he shifted his weight off my chest a little bit, but I held on. At first he tried to get up but then he heard my singing, like he wasn't imagining it and relaxed.
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
He gave me a blank stare, not showing any emotion behind those cold blue eyes. It was a stare that said to stop. It was over.
Those three words
Are said to much
They're not enough
I gave him a stare right back. My ice blue eyes locked into his dark blue ones. My stare said this, only one word, and only one word was needed.
"Stay."
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and
Just forget the world
I kept singing out loud looking at him like a puppy begging for food. However by now I was having a complete breakdown. Tears were in my mouth, in my eyes, in my nose, in my heart. I just wanted this night to last forever.
And then... he sang back
Forget what were told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's
Bursting into life
I just lay there, staring up at his blank face. That face now had been de-masked. Behind that blank expression was pain. The pain that he was feeling, the pain that I was feeling. It was all right there, in his eyes.
"Alex, I'm sorry I'm not gay, and I'm sorry I can't be there for you, but tonight...tonight was only for you. Because I love you...like family...like a brother...like a person ...like a friend...but not like a boyfriend."
I felt my body shaking as my heart tightened really hard in my chest, but I did something that surprised myself, I planted a strong loving kiss on his lips...
And I let him go.
And...He didn't even flinch when I kissed him.