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Chapter 6: Confession and Realization

Morgan swallowed hard and knocked heavily at the door. Her throat felt tight and dry. When the door opened Morgan stammered, in a raspy voice, "I have to talk to you sir."

Sin stepped out from his doorway, holding his robe tight around him. Making the sure the door closed and latched behind him, he nodded to the vixen. "What is it?"

"Why is Silver here?"

"Because he is better off here than where he was," Sin answered.

"What place could be safer than where he is from? A permanent safe haven, practically a paradise protected by the king! Why take him away from such a place? Are you planning on using him?" Morgan screamed.

"My reasons are the same reasons that you and every other one are here! Don't question my judgment!"

"It's his blood isn't it! You think he will become a great warrior and the prestige you would receive for being the one that trained him! Why? What's the point in having one warrior strong, when you have others! I can fight if you would let me. Let me take his place! Send him home. All I want from you is to let him go home safely and let him live his life peaceably. Here he is torn..."

"I have good reasons for keeping him here, we will no longer argue about any of these matters, now go," Sin commanded and unlatched his door.

"Wait!"

Sin looked at Morgan who stood there staring back fiercely and defiantly. "He already is enough of a warrior, you should listen to him, they may sound fanciful and exaggerated, but he speaks the truth," Sin answered, closing the door behind him.

Morgan continued glaring at the door. "Why? Why aren't I allowed to fight? My blood is just as special as yours! Why must I be left behind?" she asked, turning around, her eyes blinking away tears. "Cam, what's going to happen to us? Will we ever be able to be together?"

*

Raine stared blankly at the grass passing under her paws, the green stems brushing against her fur. She held her satchel in her right paw; in her left her paw grasped the journal. It had been impossible to leave the book out of her presence, and now that her mother had moved into her room the hiding place would no longer be safe.

The day was gloomy, the sun covered by the clouds. If not for the pleasant breeze Raine was sure she would be crying. Everything in her life had fallen apart. Everything was different now, there was no one left, she was all alone. Her mother's spirit was so far away that she would seem catatonic sometimes. 'At least I still have school,' she though, forcing a smile, 'It won't be that bad without Silver... will it?"

There were voices ahead if her, loud and screechy. The part of going back to school hated most of all was in front of her. Clerone was spread out, but small and no doubt the news would have traveled. Raine was scared to think how they would look at her now, how her teachers would treat her. She did not want attention, most of all she did not want sympathy from any of them.

The large wooden school building appeared in front of her, the schoolyard filled with echoes of the past. Raine choked back her fears and brushed a stray tear for her eye before stepping through the gate into the crowded yard. 'It's not that bad,' Raine thought. Nobody turned to stare at her or glance, but she could hear hushed whispers in the background and tried her best to shut them out. She walked straight through the grass and up the stone steps to the school where she and Silver would sit and eat lunch sometimes. There never was much food to eat, and Silver's mother had been too preoccupied to make Silver's lunch for awhile. As Raine pushed through the main door into the wood hallway she lost all of her composure. She wanted to run, to be rid of the memories, which were making her feel more and more alone. Her body fell against a wall and she cried as she slid to the floor. "Does it hurt that much?" a voice came that Raine could not see. "To lose someone close? Does it hurt that much that you would no longer wish to continue living?"

Raine looked up and nodded. "Well, you could just end it, ya' know. Whenever you want, with just the touch of a knife," the voice continued.

The vision of her father with the blade, begging for forgiveness, entered Raine's mind driving her fury. She leapt from the cold, stone floor and knocked the speaker against the white wall. "What would you know about death. You've never seen what I've seen!" Her tears sprung forth and Raine shook with terrible sobs. Paws grabbed her and threw her to the ground.

"Shh. Don't cry," he said and covered her muzzle with his in a kiss.

Raine felt her paws being grabbed and the slight sensation of being dragged. The taste of the kiss lingered on her tongue and teeth and made her sick a door opened and closed and the dragging stopped. A weight was pressing against her. She wriggled and squirmed trying to free herself from the weight on her. The hot breath was back, as was the taste; she detested it. The male on top of her pressed his body against her. As he broke the kiss he moaned and Raine screamed in terror. Paws groped her chest, feeling her in ways no one ever had. "Silver's gone bitch!" the voice moaned in her ear, "I'll make you mine."

Raine felt the teeth in her ear and hot liquid dripping down her face. 'This is not how I wanted it! Silver!' "Silver!" Raine screamed.

She began to kick her hind paws and threw her arms, trying to hurt the male above her. His arm moved and pressed against her throat. There was a flash, and the whole world went white.

*

Morgan lay stretched out on her bed, her ears flickered agitatedly at every noise that reached her from the top bunk. The room was empty; her roommates were in some class. She knew she would have to go eventually, but she was not feeling much in the mood for a history lesson, or learning the healing methods she already knew since she was small. Every path that was set before her she disliked. What she had told Silver was what she believed, but she wanted the world. She wanted what this place could not provide for her: a death worthy of her tribe. Even more, though, was her desire to prove that females are born with the same amount of strength as males. Morgan knew Camio viewed her as an equal to him, but they were mates, what mate would feel different? 'That's not the point!' Morgan thought angrily, 'I wouldn't want to die gloriously if I had been allowed a life, and a family. If they would have allowed me to just live a normal life. Why'd they have to make me Merrin's priestess?'

There was a knock at the door. Morgan sat up and stared as the door opened and Esca walked in slowly. "What do you want?" Morgan asked impatiently.

"I know you don't like me much, but I want your help. Would you perform that mating ceremony or whatever on me and Silver?"

Morgan growled angrily, "You know it requires consent from both sides, don't you?"

"What are you so mad about, not that thing with Lazerous still? It didn't mean anything to him, after all he is a male and being gay shouldn't change anything, it's so unnatural any way."

"Get out of here now! You hurt Lazerous enough, and Silver would never want to be mated with someone like you."

The words, 'someone like you' stung Esca's ears, and hurt her deeply. "Well, if I am so bad than I don't think I need Merrin or Silver to consent! Someone like me wouldn't care about who she mates as long as I get what I want, isn't that right? At least I don't pretend to be like everyone else and attend classes, which I know well enough to teach!" Esca yelled, and ran out the door.

Morgan shrank back down into the safety of her top bunk. 'Is it that obvious?' she thought.

*

Clarice lay on the bed. 'What's happening?' she thought. The past days had been a blur. Her nights spent in bed with Clife. She had reached her time and they'd continued. The weight was growing in her womb. Not even that stopped Clife from touching her. It was her desire and she was grateful for the attention she was finally receiving. After years of forced abstinence, the animal she felt, the desire, was satisfied in her new lover. She was even carrying the start of a new family with her. The pain of losing Silver was far from her mind. However, the nights shared with Clife were changing. It was just passion, and lust that kept the bed rocking.

Clarice felt she had lost the romantic love they used to share. The spot beside her was empty again. Every night he left her like a whore. He got what he wanted and left. She felt dirtied, but she still loved him. He never was gone for a very long time, only a few hours. She wondered, but never asked where he went or what he did. Those hours she was alone were lonely and dark. It had been weeks since she had even left the house, or seen her friends. 'This is my sacrifice for love. I can't have love and friends.' An image of Silver formed in her mind. Tears formed in her eyes; another sacrifice for love.

*

Raine wept as gentle arms enfolded her, their caress full of love. "Why'd you have to leave? Why! You left me with so much pain. I love you."

Her paws clumsily grabbed the larger world and pulled him closer to her, she took comfort in his arms. Comfort brought tears to her eyes. "I guess this means we're together again doesn't it? Death brought us together, reuniting our lost souls, ha," she laughed, "Such a cliché thing to happen isn't it. Unhappy in life, happy in death..."

The feeling slowly diminished and the emptiness surrounding her filled. She felt cold and lonely; there was a vision of a familiar figure walking away. Alone in darkness she sat, tears flowing freely. 'Why does everyone leave?'

"Because you aren't moving forward. Your memories are holding you back from being someone who can be loved by another..."

*

The sun was slowly setting, silhouetting Esca's figure as she lay on top of a stone wall. Her tears were just beginning to dry up. This was not the first time she had sought this solitude on the wall. Morgan had yelled at her plenty of times. 'Bitch,' Esca thought, 'she was never faced with what I had to endure after your death, Mother, what am I doing wrong? Why can't they understand me?'

"You are not giving them reason to understand. Before one can accept another, incredibly different from themselves, they need to meet in the middle. Your love is given openly and freely, declining its value for others. Those who reserve their love for one, give it with meaning. If you try and meet in the middle the others will accept you, but not otherwise."

Esca's eyes widened as she stared into Sin's eyes. She blushed, and her eyes tear, overcome by the piercing emerald eyes. "What can I do?" she asked.

"Love another deeply, more than as friends, and act like you were meant to act, not how you learned to act," he answered before turning around and heading back into the castle.

Esca watched the coyote enter the shadows of the castle, watching longingly as he left her here. "How can I love another who I cannot have?" she asked the shadow of the castle.

*

"Wha? What's going on? Where am I? Why am I still alive?" Raine sat up, looking around. The room was white, blindingly white, and the bright sun made Raine's eyes squint. She was confused. 'Why am I here I want to be dead!' she thought angrily, 'after that how could I want to live? There's no reason to it anymore.'

Raine looked down at her paws, staring at her wrists. She could not see it but she knew they were bruised and she wondered how many other parts of her were bruised. Hesitating she looked at her claws for a moment, then brushed them through her fur. As they came to brush her wrists she breathed in sharply, feeling the nails on her bruised wrists. Staring down she wondered, 'is it really easy? Could I just stop living with my own claws? Is it as easy as he said it was?'

The questions burned into her mind, consuming her thoughts. 'Could I really do it?' she wondered, and pressed the claws of her left paw into her right wrist harder. "He was right it is easy," she whispered.

There was the padding of someone walking on wood and Raine heard a door creak open, and the padding noise continue. "So, Raine, all better now?"

Raine looked up to see the school's nurse walk into the room. "I think so..." Raine responded.

"Alright, now, tell me why you were trying to kill yourself?"

Raine pulled back in shock. 'Had she seen me?' she wondered, scared at what the nurse might think.

"Raine, what's wrong? Tell me, why did you try to strangle yourself?"

"Strangle myself? What? I didn't!" Raine yelled, she threw forth her wrists, "Look! Can't you see I didn't do this!"

The nurse nodded, "Raine, calm down, and tell me, if you didn't do this, than who did?"

Raine opened her muzzle to respond, but realized she did not know who it was that had attacked her. "I-I don't know," she stammered.

"That's not a very convincing answer," the nurse replied, sounding almost cold.

"I can't remember! He tried to rape me! You have to believe me!" Raine shouted, her eyes widened and tears began to form.

The nurse shook her head. "There's no reason to get huffy with me. I can't do anything about whatever happened, but I am responsible in making sure that you never do it again."

Raine slumped to the ground the tears from her eyes falling freely onto her reddish fur. "You could believe me..."

"I'd leave you here to think, but I'd be allowing the freedom for you to hurt yourself some more. I'll have one of the teachers take you home."

*

"Ummm... you guys... do you think Marissa would say anything about Silver? Sin just locked me out... I want to know why he's here, and there's something familiar about him..." Morgan asked the three sitting around the table.

Lazerous rested his head on the table, a forlorn look in his eyes. "I know, he is such a mystery. He just seemed to appear."

"I'd think that would be the best approach. She's much more open than Sin," Moodna replied.

"Alright," Morgan answered, standing up, "I'm going."

Lazerous' head shot up like a cannon. "Wait, let me go too."

Moodna grabbed the gray wolf by the tail and yanked down hard. The wolf glared at him and Moodna shrugged his shoulders, "eh? Wha'tcha' lookin' at?"

"That hurt," Lazerous growled.

Morgan sighed slightly, "Laz, it's better you don't come... bye."

Morgan walked slowly out of the dining room. Laz turned his eyes to look at Moodna, his eyes halfway between tears and anger. "Sorry, Laz..."

Moodna looked at the gray wolf whose ears had flattened to his head, his throat making soft whimpering sounds. Before Moodna could say anything Lazerous had left the dinning hall. The otter turned to look at Camio and then the empty table. He sighed deeply.

*

Silver felt the cushion underneath him. 'Where am I?' he thought as he sat up. 'Another carriage?' It had the same darkness and obscurity of before, yet the ride was more gentle and relaxed. Suddenly the carriage stopped moving and the door swung open. The cushion was gone now and he pulled at the grass underneath him. In the distance he heard Raine's voice, laughing and shouting. He saw her form half-dancing and half-running over the peak of the hill. Struggling to his paws Silver scampered toward her, barely allowing himself to stand up, and forcing him to run partly on all fours. He reached her at the top of the hill and they clung to each other. Raine was laughing gleefully and Silver smiled halfheartedly. Peering over Raine's shoulder, Silver saw his mother, Faye, Raine's father, and... "Father!" Silver screamed, overjoyed at the vision, "You're not dead!"

Silver started running toward him, with Raine still clinging to him. No matter how hard he ran he could not reach his father. Stopping, Silver thought in frustration, 'why can't I reach him?' As he was thinking his father began to walk away. Silver felt small and close to the ground. He hugged his furry knees and watched from the mouth of the road. Raine was gone, as was his mother, and everyone else. The row of cherry trees lining the road was blossoming and the sun was gone. Petals began to fall to the ground and the wind picked up. Sniffing the wind Silver recognized the scent: Fire. Suddenly the trees around him were in flames and spewing fiery blossoms. He could hear screaming. He could hear screaming. Without looking Silver knew the houses were on fire, his house was on fire! Silver closed his eyes and held his ears down, not letting them perk up to the familiar voices screaming in every direction. 'What can I do,' he thought, crying, 'I can't do anything! I am lousy and weak and cowardly... I can't do anything.' He pulled at his black hair with his paws, digging his claws into his scalp. In desperation he wildly flung his arms out and pounded the dirt road. As he held his arms out he felt weigh descend upon them. He saw the reddish-brown fur and crimson hair, and smelled the familiar scent. However, she was col, and lifeless. Silver screamed and tears cascaded down his fur to splatter the dry ground. The fire was hot, the sky dark. There was a flash of lightning and the deep rumble of thunder that shuddered the trees. Then the rain started...

*

"You knew his father?"

"Yes, I did," Marisa answered, "and you knew him as well, Morgan."

Morgan eyed the floor suspiciously, thinking that she was being led around on a hook. "How could I've known him? I never met him!"

"You are a Priestess of Merrin aren't you? Of course you are, you were trained from birth."

Morgan's eyes snapped p from the ground, "How'd you know that? I've been here longer than you!"

Marisa held a file open in her paws, she pulled out a sheet, and read aloud the words that were written. "Name, Morgan. Age, ten years old. Trained as a Priestess of Merrin for ten years. Well versed in healing. Found in the ruins of a nomadic gypsy camp recently destroyed. Found by: Jaec."

Morgan's eyes grew wide in recognition. The male who had found her had been a wolf. He had saved her and cared for her for two years as they had made the journey here. After those two years she only referred to him as 'Mister' and never once asked his name. And now his face had a name and an identity. Her first 'love,' the male who she had been with during her first heat, at her entrance into adolescence; her teacher, her mentor who taught her how to fight. "He was Silver's father?" Morgan asked, blushing at the memory of him.

"He was. He not only rescued you, he rescued me as well. You see, I am different from everyone in this place. My blood is pure, I have no remnants of the Ancients inside me. I was a nurse from my home country of Isther. Well, I was reckless and was captured. I would've been executed too... except Jaec rescued me. I didn't understand at first, why my supposed enemy had turned traitor to his Emperor and rescued me. He told me, though, that he was tired of the pointless fighting, and..." Marisa choked back her tears, "He did not believe that it was right to kill indiscriminately. He believed that the fighting should be between the fighters, not the doctors and nurses who were saving lives. I wound up here, being the only safe place. I begged him to stay, I even told him I love him. But he refused, saying he had to return home to Clerone to be with his family. As he was leaving, though, three of your Emperor's special forces came in... and... there was fighting. I don't know what happened... and neither does Sin. He had taken me to hide."

"But how? How could this have happened? We were all in this building when it happened! Why did we not know... we could've... done something... and he would still be alive!"

There was a moan from inside the ward and Marisa turned to stare at the closed door. "I'm sorry, but you wanted to ask about Silver and you did, I don't have time to answer anymore. I'm sorry."

Marisa opened the door and closed it firmly behind her. Morgan understood the message and did not follow. Instead she turned around and headed back to her room. 'He's dead, and I couldn't do anything, again...' she thought, a tear dripping down her muzzle.

*

Silver felt something rocking and saw only darkness. 'Am I in the carriage again?' he thought. Suddenly he felt intense pleasure throughout his body. A body was pressing against him, a paw groping his awakening sheath. "Raine that feels good," he moaned, his eyes closed.

The paw wrapped around his exposed hardness, the rough pads and soft fur made him shiver in pleasure. His eyes opened when he felt the sensation change to warmth and wet. Esca's eyes stared up at him from her position at his groin. Her paw stroked his chest lightly and he saw the corner of her muzzle curl up in a smile as she began to bob her head. The sensations overwhelmed him and his closed as his back arched, pushing his hips forward. As sudden as the sensations had come they had vanished. Silver opened his eyes and stared at the gray wolf in front of him. Lazerous smiled at him. Silver smiled back, the scent in the air intoxicating him. There was a fluttering and the pleasure had returned. The other male was embracing him tightly, nibbling him softly as Raine had. However, the scent of male arousal was overpowering the memory of Raine, and the sharp warmth pressed against his own. Lazerous's labored breath was hot against Silver's ear, and the grinding of their hips was heightening his own feelings. A blinding light cause Silver to close his eyes as a final thrust, a final nibble, sent him spiraling in to a black hole. His stomach clenched and unclenched. His footpaws curled and uncurled. And then it was gone.