Little Drummer Dog.

By Wolfie Steel.

I sit on a barstool nursing a bad day and a JD 'n' coke, a now unwanted Border Collie by the name of Sam Vine. To be fair my day started out rosy just like always, you know, get out of bed, get ready for the day, eat breakfast, do a little drum practice and then head into the studio to meet up with the rest of the band.

The band in question is one that I formed five years ago called 'Sound as a Hound' and in those five years we have had a few minor hits. I was never a great fan of the sound of an electronic drum kit, oh sure they had their place but I was more a traditionalist, I always believed that you could only get a true beat from a huge traditional drum kit.

The song that we were working on at the moment called "Lost in your eyes" was one of those songs that was very technical when it comes to the beat, lots of rhythm changes and a heavy beat to boot, even though it was a love song it was bordering on a rock ballad. The song had been co-written by me and the bass guitarist Shaun, a black and white furred Husky.

Yesterday at the practice run through everything seemed cool, we even agreed that today being Friday it would be a good day to finally record the track as a demo and then send it out to all the local radio stations.

Well I arrived at the studio at 9:30am as the band members had all agreed, but I was not expecting what happened next. I am met at the studio door by the lead guitarist AJ, a Black Panther; he lays a paw on my shoulder and leads me to the office.

"Sam, I've been given the unhappy task of meeting you at the door, you see Shaun and the others have decided that we no longer need a drummer as apparently we are moving to the beat of a computerised drum system. Now I know that it was you who first created this band and I want to let you know that I don't like the new sound at all, but I have cubs to help to feed and so I have agreed to allow the changes, Shaun knew that you would not allow it which is why he sent me out here to stop you from going into the studio"

I stand there open mouthed as I take everything in; I'm being dropped from my own fucking band... now as a rule I'm not a violent dog, but right at that moment I was prepared to go into the studio and commit murder, the only thing stopping me AJ, let me tell you he may only be a Panther but this guy is ripped, and can be mean with it.

"Okay AJ fine, if that is the way Shaun wants it then give him a message from me, expect to hear from my lawyers in due course, I made this band and by fuck I will break it just as easily"

With that I storm from the office and back out onto the street, as soon as my feet hit the street I pull out my cell phone and dial the number of the bands lawyer. It seems though that Shaun has thought of that and now has the lawyers in his back pocket, the phone continues to ring but no one is answering, not even the machine. After five minutes I end the call and then I spend the next few hours wondering the streets aimlessly. I lose all track of time but I know that it is getting late because the sun is just starting to set.

I find a bar that has just opened for the night, Tanner's, it is a new one on me so I don't know anything about it, but the way I feel I don't care, as long as they serve JD 'n' Coke and plenty of it I will be happy.

I walk into the bar and find the barstool that I am currently sitting on, straight away I order three JD 'n' Cokes, well something has got to take the pain away. Well now you are all caught up, I have now ordered another three drinks and I'm working my way down the first. How the fuck could Shaun and the guys ditch me like this, I brought them all together for fuck sake.

I guess I can do it again, I mean it's not as if I'm short of cash, but who wants a drummer that is not prepared to Go With The Flow and embrace the new sounds. My slightly drunken thoughts are broken when a Rottweiler parks his rear on the barstool next to mine.

"Well with the ones that you ordered when you came in that makes six JD 'n' Cokes that you have ordered in an hour, and so I'm guessing that either you've had a shitty day, or you don't like your liver and kidneys very much"

I give the Rottweiler a slightly filthy look, the one that says 'Piss off and leave me alone, or else'. Now either the Rottweiler isn't very bright, or he is a gluten for punishment, because he does not read the sign that I am showing and continues on his path to possible destruction.

"Wanna talk about it?"

I let out a sigh and then close my eyes as I give him one of the shittiest replies that I have ever let flow from my muzzle.

"Look friend, I've had one of the worst days of my young life so far, and when last I looked this place was a bar, so if it is all the same to you, would you please fuck off and let me get drunk in peace, thanks awfully"

As soon as those words slip from my muzzle I instantly regret them, the Rottweiler stands from the stool and then heads over to the corner of the bar and sits in another empty seat. Damn it, now my shitty mood has ruined someone else's day.

I allow the dust to settle for a little while and then I slowly head towards the Rottweiler, as I stand next to him I fish my wallet from my pants pocket and open it to get a note out so that I can buy the guy a drink by way of some kind of apology.

"Look my friend, I'm sorry that you had to hear all that, hell you were just trying to be polite and like a jerk I bit your head off, here let me buy you a drink to apologise"

The Rottweiler orders a drink and I order one of my own, I give the bartender the money and we wait for our drinks and I wait for my change, once the drinks and the change are here I catch the Rottweiler's eye and tilt my head towards an empty table.

We collect our drinks and then head over to the table and take a seat next to each other; the Rottweiler tries to spark up a conversation again, this time though with more success.

"So judging by the way you blew up at me I would say that you got stung by a million wasps and then walked through a patch of stinging nettles and brambles with nothing to protect your feet"

I can't help but chuckle at his summary of my day; because that is exactly the way it feels.

"You really want me to tell you what has got me so heated and wound up huh?"

The Rottweiler just gently nods his head, and so I begin my tale of woe. I finish my tale and then he asks me what band I was in, and so I tell him, as soon as he hears the name his eyes go wide as saucers.

"Sound as a Hound, are you shitting me? So that would make you Sam 'Beats' Vine, man I so love the band, but your drumming is almost legendary, not many guys around now that use a good ole' fashioned drum kit, oh crap, here I am waffling on and I haven't told you who I am yet"

He slips his paw into his jacket pocket and pulls out a business card, he hands me the card and I read it, 'Steve Jacks, Chairman of Jacks Records', I hand him his card back but he tells me to keep it.

"Look Sam, I just so happen to have a band that are looking for a new drummer, now they are on the verge of folding up which would be a great shame because they are capable of some good music, they are actually an 80's pop cover band. At the moment they have the imaginative band name of Eighties Cover, I happen to know the lead singer really well, hehe, I should do because he is me, but I'm willing to set up a meeting with the rest of the guys tomorrow if you are interested that is?"

I polish off my drink and hold out my paw towards the Rottweiler, he takes my paw in his and shakes it.

"Well Steve as I find myself... occupationally challenged I would have to say that I am very interested indeed, and not just in meeting the band"

Damn it all to hell, I do this every time I get drunk, I say something that should have remained inside my brain, and then everything falls apart, sure enough the Rottweiler looks at me with a confused look on his face, and then a look of realisation hits him, now he suspects that I am gay and interested in him...oh gods is he ever right.

I hang my head in shame and then I begin to stand from my seat.

"Look Steve, I'm sorry that shouldn't have come from my muzzle, I'm going to go now and I will forget everything that has happened tonight, because I'm damn sure that now you know that I'm interested in you, the offer for me to join your band has now been retracted"

Steve growls a little at me.

"Sit your fine ass down boy and take a look around at the clientele in here, you will notice that we are all guys, with the exception of one or two femboys, yes Sam, when you walked into this bar earlier, what you didn't realise was that it is a gay bar, it was no accident that I came and sat next to you before your...muzzle overload, I saw you as you walked in and I was instantly hooked, when I sat next to you I was hoping for three things, number one, that there was no ring on your finger, number two, that you didn't smack the fuck out of me, and number three, that I might get a kiss from you by the end of the night, well Meatloaf said it best, two out of three ain't bad"

I snigger a little and then I lean forward, I kiss him full on the muzzle and then break away, I then head towards the exit of the bar, before I make a move I look over my shoulder at Steve.

"I'm too pissed to drive my car home so I'm going to walk, help clear my head and stuff, if the offer to join your band is still good and you want me to meet the rest of the guys, then pick me up from outside here at 9am tomorrow, oh and by the way, I think that now qualifies as three out of three"

I head towards the exit and begin my slow journey home, as I walk I think about everything that has happened today, I have been kicked out of a band that I formed, I then took solace in a bar that turns out to be a gay bar, I'm offered the chance to join another band by a smoking hot Rottweiler, so yeah on the whole, I can say that life is good again.