The Long Ago Truth
....
"GET A FUCKING JOB OR GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS HOUSE!!!" my father screamed at me
"BUT IM IN SIXTH FORM!" i screamed back, only to receive a slap in the face
"If you don't get a job young lady you will be kicked out!" my mother complained at me.
She and my father were always yelling... never understanding at all... yea perhaps i could have tried... but i was too affraid... i was in sixth form i didnt want to give it up.
The next day would be no better...
My mother started to yell at me at random... to only have me screaming back at her, often begging her to leave me alone, my dad stormed into the room and slapped me across the face again, in an effort to avoid his hand i fell back into a chair only to have him hitting my arms and legs repeatedly while shouting "DONT DISRESPECT YOUR MOTHER!" and spitting in my face.
I ran upstairs crying, it was my fault the argument had started... it wasn't alway's my fault... but no matter what i was always getting punched and hit... by the man who works for the law.
I looked to the small sharpener i had and unscrewed the lid to look inside, before grabbing one of my Christmas cracker screwdrivers and unataching the blade from the plastic, i was crying so hard i took the blade, my anger suddenly taking control i sliced it hard over the skin of my thumb joint, i didnt get then that there was a main vein under the skin, but i really didn't care.
Five blade cuts across my skin, i stared at them after i calmed wondering why it wasnt bleeding, i wondered if i didnt cut deep enough... but then the cuts began to bleed... more then i thought they would... shit
I rushed down stairs and told my parents that i have been scratched by a cat earlier in the day, i had just pulled the scab off... they saw through it.
"If you are going to cut yourself we are going to personally lock you away in the loony bin" my mother threatened, ironic... when she was my age she did the same...
I ran upstairs and began to cry after my mum put the plaster on..
Two days later we went to my grandparents and i asked for cream as the cuts were sore and i didnt want an infection... my parents just said "no dont help her she did that to her self" My granddad just looked at me disapprovingly and said something alone the lines of "Then she can suffer"
I had another nose bleed that night... i had so many now days, sometimes twice a day, sometimes id just sit on my bed and just let myself bleed, wishing it would drain me completely... and sometimes i grabbed my dressing gown rope and wrapped it around my neck, pulling as hard as i could, until my head swelled with blood, and i could feel my heart beat pulsing sharply... but i wouldn't let up till i fainted.
At school is run and joke, saying stupid things to stupid sentences, i could make any sentence sound dirty and it seemed to entertain my friends... During photography we would group together in the sun, hang off trees and other things, one of my friends seems to take picture of my ass so we joked alot about it... not one knew how deathly thin i was becuase i wore a puffed out body warmer... it was so much fun when i was at school..
It wouldnt take long though... until id make the biggest mistake of my lie... all because i wanted to be loved and cherished... but i later found out... it was all just a lie...