FSE

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©® KAYCEE** Pseudonym 2013

This material may not be copied, sold or distributed without written consent of the author. All rights reserved. All characters within are fictional. Any similarity is purely coincidental.

*** While this story shows or, shall I say, gives no indication that there are anthropomorphic (furry) characters, it does not mean they are none. I am going to leave it to you the reader. You can place your idea of whatever character, be it wolf, fox, lycan, dragon, etc, into the lives in the people of this story. I think this fits nicely into the idea of SoFurry. I am not telling you who the characters are but allowing you to make them part of your own thoughts.

This story has been posted on the net previously; quite a few years ago actually, back in 2006 when I first wrote it. And if you're diligent enough, you'll find it and my real name attached. Does that bother me? No. I started writing at SoFurry under a pseudonym because I was not sure how my writing would be received; a cautionary act on my part. I do not shy away with the people around me or meet me as to what I like to write or what I write. I do not shy away when they ask me if I like "furry" stuff. I explain to them that it's much more than their concept of only revolving around sex and animals (rolls eyes). I equate much of it similar to Native American Shamanism, although the idea of anthropomorphic characters interacting with humans goes back to antiquity.

The bigger point of this story, well, all my stories, is for you to see how lives are changed in an instant. How people, in a single moment in time, are important to you. How the past, even if it haunts you, can change your future. How the future can be good even with all the shit one has to deal with daily.

Lastly, people have wondered about me and my characters. They have asked "Is this about you?" I have received emails in the past about why, how, when and where I get my ideas. I have always said part of me is in my stories. No author can get away from that in any of their works. What I am giving you, in the following piece, is a work based on me. How much of me? Well, that's for you to decide.

'PETEY'

It's been 5 years since I'd driven this route and this would be the last time. The countryside from Interstate 10 still looked the same. The large pines, stately oaks and ancient magnolias held in place by the rich, red clay of the region. I saw the '10 miles to' sign before even paying attention to the gas gauge. I really had no intention of stopping but the needle said otherwise since I hadn't filled up since I'd packed the last of my stuff up at 8am this morning and drove away to start my new life on the West Coast. I also realized that I had to piss, fiercely. I didn't really want to stop here for either. A deep sigh escaped my lips as I pulled off the exit into the edge of town into the old general store I knew still remained to provide gas and standard Southern fare for travelers while trying to sell them some trinket shit they didn't need; mostly sold to foreign tourists that just happened to pass through on their way to New Orleans.

Nothing had changed much. The rust still clung to the ancient sign (they were too cheap to buy a new one) and pumps were still twenty years old. ****CLANG, CLANG**** the air tube activated bell announcing that someone had pulled into the station for, hopefully, a fill up. The creaking screen door on the front of the barn style building screeched in the humidity filled air before I opened the main door to the welcomed air conditioning. "Chicken grease," I thought shaking my head at the all too familiar smell. A staple of these businesses and for people to either grab on their way out to fish for bass or on the way home from Sunday church services. Making my way around the familiar aisles and noticing the dust on many of the packages, I could see that the current economic downtrend had taken its' toll here as well. The bathroom was still the same as it was when I was in high school. The machine on the wall, now sitting at an angle, which sold condoms for a quarter and the only place you could get a few for a date without dealing with the prudes at the drug store. The graffiti filled walls offering services, normally a no-show and teens having fun, to those desperate enough with want or desire. I turned and put the hook clasp on the door before turning to the toilet and pulling the leg of my shorts to the side. A silly habit for some but I sure as hell found it easier to piss that way in shorts and since I usually went commando anyway during the summer there was no need otherwise. Large splashing sounds soon filled the dingy room. "Ah," I sighed as I realized that I had to piss worse that I thought. A couple of good shakes before reaching over for a piece of toilet paper to dry off and I was done.

Left foot up and pushing the handle to flush the thing. There was no way in hell that I would touch it, LOL! "Thank God," I mumbled grabbing some brown paper towels and turning on the water in the sink. Brownish well water poured forth from the ancient pipes. I didn't even bother turning on the hot knowing full well it either would be just cold or wouldn't work. It may seem a bit overboard but growing up in the area I knew how many men stopped and chucked one off in the toilet. The tell tale yellow stains on the far wall emphasized the point.

"Why the hell did you stop here?" I asked myself in the mirror that barely showed my reflection. The goatee I was growing had come in nicely even though there was a beginning hint of grey in the far right corner of it. It matched my green eyes (showing small crow's feet) and pierced ears as well. I shrugged at myself and my own question.

Old man Ferguson was still sitting on a stool in front of the register ready to take anyone's money; "Greedy bastard," I mumbled. Grabbing a diet, I moved around the aisle to grab a candy bar that I hoped wasn't stale before setting off down the road and leaving this all behind. I heard the front door open again and two sets of heavy footsteps enter. I looked down at my watch. Quarter till 12. It would be long before the place got a bit busier with people stopping in to pickup either lunch or beer for the evening and since it was Friday there would be a little of both combined.

I rounded the corner and made my way to the register where Ferguson was talking to a dishwater blond haired man. He looked vaguely familiar as I got to the counter, his face coming fully into view as he moved out of the way to ring up my purchase. "Teej?" he asked looking at me. Now that was a nickname that I hadn't heard since I lived here. The face rang rapt surprise to see me standing there in front of him. "Hey Tim," I said still out my right hand. He grabbed it and pulled me in for a hug. "God damn but it's good to see you," he laughed backing away, "What the fuck brings you back here?" I threw my thumb over my shoulder to the small, loaded moving truck with my black Jeep hooked on the rear. Tim's left eyebrow lifted with an unspoken comment.

"You going to pay or not," the crotchety old coot grumbled at the counter with a sneer on his face. "Yeah Fergie," as I rolled my eyes and chucked him the amount on the register watching the gleam of cash reflect the greed. Tim and I moved over to the side out of the way. "How long are you here?" he asked as I relaxed against the door frame. I opened the candy bar and took a bite. It was near stale but palatable. "I'm not. I needed gas and had to piss like a 'Russian race horse' so I stopped. I didn't expect to see anyone."

Tim nodded. "How are you doing?" he asked hesitantly. I shrugged, "Changes man, changes..." I drifted off when I saw him appear from behind the aisle. You'd have never known he was there since the top of his head barely reached the highest shelf. He was dressed in overalls with a bit of black axle grease streaked across his right cheek. "Petey," I breathed out.

If I hadn't been leaning against the door frame I think my knees would have given way. He looked about the same as the last time I'd seen him those five years ago. Hell, he looked the same since high school. The only difference was the day and a half or more of scruff on his face. Still light brown in colour and not the black that formed on my own face, it accentuated those steel blue eyes that hid behind the floppy brown hair. He walked up to Tim and bumped him with his shoulder, "Who's this?" he asked our friend while absentmindedly unwrapping a honey bun. "Petey," I said softly. He looked up as he moved some of the hair out of his eyes and looked at me quizzically before the look of recognition crossed his face. "Hi TJ," he got out as the shock of realizing it was me sunk in, "It's good to see you." He turned to our friend, "I've got to get back to the garage, Tim. I'll see you later tonight at the party." Seconds later I watched him walk out the door as a single tear formed in my left eye and ran down my cheek.

"Teej?" Tim asked grabbing my left arm, "How about we go get some lunch? You got time, right?" My stomach was in knots. I should have never fucking stopped. I was ready to bolt; just jump into the truck and haul ass. I'd fucking get gas somewhere else. "Teej?" Tim whispered again grabbing my arm. I could only nod.

I numbly followed Tim over in the truck to the old 'Dairy Dell' next to the town's high school; my high school. I parked and sat there a moment really considering just changing my mind and leaving when Tim walked up to the window, "Let's eat." We walked over and got a burger, fries and drink. Still the same taste after all these years as we sat eating in silence for a bit. "You look good. How's your health?" he asked with a look. "You know?" I got out taking a sip of my drink. Tim nodded, "Craig told me." "Should have known that Denise wouldn't have kept that to herself," I grumbled.

My old girlfriend, then later my confident, was there when I'd gotten the news from the doctor. She had flown down to be with me when she'd found out that I was in the hospital. Pneumonia developed from bronchitis. Pneumonia bad enough that my right lung had blown out and I had to have a chest tube inserted. Pneumonia bad enough that I had to be intubated for a time. There in the hospital, with her sitting beside me, they told me the diagnosis. They traced it back to the traffic accident that I'd been in earlier that year. It was pretty bad.

Not nine months previous to lying in that hospital bed, I and my passenger, had been broadsided by a drunk driver. My passenger, my friend, had died. Blood was everywhere. I was cut, he was cut, and his blood flowed into my wounds. I had survived with cuts to my face, hands, arms and a deep gash in my right leg. My left arm had broken from the impact but otherwise I had survived. Denise had been there with me for that and now she had sat there with me again.

I was silent. Dale had been HIV positive for years. It just never occurred to me that I would be infected from him. He was my friend, not fuck buddy. I wasn't bitter; I was more pissed because now I had one more thing to deal with in my life. One more issue to top off a year that saw a breakup with my boyfriend, job layoff, car accident and now this. I'd gotten a job again but the insurance premiums were twice as high as I'd previously paid. I was just thankful I had it. Denise had been dating Craig for some time and Tim was close to her as well.

"Look," Tim began, "it doesn't change who you are, you know?" "Yeah, I know," I grinned over to him. "It's only two pills a day. I talked to my doc before I left and maybe I'll see if I can go on the one a day once I get moved out west."

Tim fiddled with his straw, "You've had a rough year." I chuckled out loud, "Shit, she's worse than ever. How much do you know?" I asked. "All of it," as he flipped his straw onto the plate. "Great, just fucking great," I grumbled. "I end up stopping in this hell hole for some unforeseen reason and then I see him again five years later and it brings up more memories and hurt," I spat while shoving my remaining food out of the way. "TJ," Tim said softly, "Is it that bad coming here again?"

"Yes!" I groused. He cringed and I back peddled, "Well not seeing you but you know what I mean about this town. The bullshit, backwoods mentality and add the religious zealots that we dealt with so much while we were in high school. I was still trying to figure myself out and had to date Denise just to fit in the last six months of our senior year. HELL!" I said a bit louder than I wanted to, "We didn't even talk that much in high school. It wasn't until I visited five years ago that we sat down and actually really got to know each other."

I'd had enough, "Everyone had their fucking little clique and I sat on the side watching all of you..." as I trailed off and started to get up.

"Even seeing him?" Tim asked. Those three words stopped me dead in movement and I dropped down on the bench. "You know damn well," I got out finally while rubbing my temples as I remembered.

Five years ago I had decided to return one last time to where I had lived for seven long years after my Dad got a hair up his ass to move here. I hated the place and yet I was going to show them that I had achieved what I told them I would. My, less than supportive and borderline homophobic, parents were still living here at the time (they since moved to northwest Georgia) and I decided to pay the obligatory visit; their eldest gay son returning home just to say 'Hello' and check on them.

We were never close and I wasn't close to my three younger siblings either, however, I thought that I should at least attempt to see them on occasion. It wasn't a pleasant affair and I was thankful that I'd had the foresight to rent a room at the local motel. As usual, my Father had started the obligatory argument. My Mother had her pity party because her son refused to move back or even put up with his Father's bullshit.

I wasn't there four hours before I'd had enough and left. I made my way down to one of the only bars in town and proceeded to drink when Tim walked in the door. For some reason he sat by me and we talked. I mean, 'we talked'. I don't think in the seven years that we went to school together did we say more than a hundred or so words to each other. We connected, however, and he apologized for the way he'd been in high school. Then again, we were all idiots and thought we knew everything at that time.

He'd come out three years earlier. We saw the same things in school growing up. However, he'd been born in this 'Drinkwater' town and I hadn't. I stayed longer than I had planned at the bar and we caught up. Tim was still living in town with his own real estate business and was doing well. He was dating some guy from Alabama (35 miles away) since he had no desire to date anyone local. "It would be like dating my sister," he roared.

As we sat there in the bar those years ago, I broached my own sexuality after the waitress tried to chat me up while taking our order. He held up his hand, "I know. It came out at some church function I'd been dragged to one day while your sister was telling a friend. The gossip bitches soon spread it everywhere."

"Lovely," I grunted, "Now I see why the 'rents are both being a pain in my ass and now talking about moving out of the area." They always were afraid of anyone talking bad about them and now having their son as the 'raging' homosexual surely sent them over the edge. "You know you shouldn't give a shit," Tim said taking a drink of his beer. I nodded.

"Hey, there's a party this evening over at Denise and Craig's place. Why don't you come with me?" he asked. "I don't know," as I hesitated over my own whiskey and diet. "Come on..." "Look," I said softly, "there might be someone there that I would be reluctant to see even after all these years. Denise knows whom I'm referring. I've never gotten over him..."

"Petey will be there," Tim said putting his bottle on the bar. My eyes flew up and open.

Petey was not his real name. It was his nickname. How he got it? I haven't a fucking clue but we always called him that. His real name was Eric. He was short and feisty. In my Japanese studies, his personality would have been referred to as a 'hamster'. If you've ever owned a hamster as a pet then you know what I mean. Petey at his full height in high school was 5'4". He was a smart ass piker that never let anyone get the best of him and I had fallen deeply in love with him and, God help me, I still was.

I fell in love the first day I met him when I moved to that 'bustling metropolis' in seventh grade. He was running around the playground and hurling insults at those who pissed him off. I sat on the monkey bars and watched him the whole time. I don't think I took my eyes off of him. It's funny. Two weeks later something got said between the two of us. He made some comment about the new 'fag' in town and I took umbrage. There were a few choice words before both of us backed away with blood pouring from respective orifices; his nose and my lip. We just stared at each other for a moment before something crossed between us and our eyes. I wanted to run to him, hold him, tell him I was sorry and kiss him but instead I turned and left. It was seventh grade. You didn't do that. In all the years after, we had only said a few words to each other when absolutely necessary while in school.

He was on the same bus route as me but we never sat next to each other, sometimes across or one in front of the other but never with each other. School was the same way. I would sit in the hall between classes with a drink or whatnot thinking about the best way to escape this town and not come back when he'd either walk out of a classroom or through the hall on his way to lunch, our eyes would meet and we'd nod but that was it.

There was one time in eleventh grade where I got paired with him in chem lab. I thought that I wouldn't make it through the session. I kept finding myself staring at him and sneaking peeks at his blue eyes. His cologne and scent mixed to make it one of the most erotic and yet unpleasant experiences for me. I just wanted to pick him up and stare into those eyes while I kissed him. I nearly blew up the lab when I failed to pay attention and dropped a huge piece of sodium metal into a beaker of water. That got huge laughs and me cleaning duty. It was the last time we would be near each other. He went to Vo-tech the following year. I settled for my occasional glance and a nod.

Tim dragged me to the party. Denise and Craig were happy to see me since they didn't know I was in town. It wasn't too bad. People asked me what I'd been doing. I told them about my time in Europe and college. My job at the time and doing what I said I would be doing as opposed to living here. I'd had a few drinks by the time he arrived.

He walked into the house in the tightest pair of jeans and grey sweatshirt. I almost spilled my drink on Denise when he entered her place. I stopped in mid sentence and just stared. He still wore the same type of Nike tennis shoes. His hair was a bit shorter and there was some hint of beard but it was Petey. I felt like I was going to puke. My stomach was in knots and I was starting to hyperventilate. Tim caught my line of sight and moved over to me and Denise. "Easy boy," he said grabbing my shoulder, "It'll be alright." "How about a Diet Coke, TJ?" Denise asked taking my drink. "Y-yeah," I muttered releasing the cup.

I looked over to Tim after a moment, sighed and finally asked him the question I'd been meaning to ask the other night but was to drunk and blown away by his statement, "How the fuck did you know about me and Petey?" Tim smiled.

"Denise told you, didn't she?" I grumped. He shook his head, "No, I knew in high school." I thought my legs were going to give way at that point but I managed a whisper, "How did you know?"

Tim moved to stand in front of me and look me in the eye, "It was obvious to anyone who saw your expressions."

Panic set in, "Great, just fucking great! Ok, that's it, I'm gone," as I made moved to get out of the place. Tim grabbed my arm and pulled me back. "Look," I hissed, alcohol fueling my fear and long repressed anger, "I dealt with being called every fucking name in high school from cocksucker to fudge packer and I'd never made a move on one person. Then here you tell me that my 'looks' in Petey's direction was obvious to you. THAT'S JUST FUCKING GREAT!" I finished way too loudly.

People around us looked our direction. Tim covered, "Yeah, you're right! A new car would be fucking great," before he shoved me over near the door to the upstairs. "Ok, so you got ragged on. We all did," he started. I gave him a look. "Ok, I fucked with you at times as well," he said begrudgingly but it mollified me.

"Unless you understand human nature and," as he gestured back to the former classmates with his thumb, "most of those present wouldn't have a clue then you don't have a thing to worry about." I stood there looking at him trying to decide if he was feeding me a line of bullshit or the truth. I settled on the latter.

Denise appeared with my diet and a bottle of whisky, "Here's your diet," handing me the glass before moving away. I stopped her, took the bottle and poured a double shot into it. She looked at me and then Tim. "Petey's here," was all he said. "OH!" she gasped out before turning to look. The person we were speaking about, the person that I still held a flame for circulated around the room exchanging high fives, hand shakes and hugs with people. Realizing he was coming out way, I moved to outer doorway and tried to hide. It didn't work.

"Hey Tim!" Petey called out walking over towards us. I hoped that I was sufficiently hidden in the doorway and behind Tim and Denise that he wouldn't notice me. Denise leaned down and kissed his cheek, "You're looking well sweetie. How's things at the shop?" Petey smiled. His dimples showing and blue eyes glinting, "Busy but otherwise good."

Tim and Denise kept him busy in conversation as I tried to sneak away unnoticed. "Not going to say 'hello' TJ?" the soft voice rang in my ears and caused a chill to run from the top of my spine down my legs. I turned to face him, well, in Petey terms that meant looking down 5 inches for me, "Hey Petey. It's good to see you." Denise and Tim excused themselves at that moment. I wanted to throttle them both for leaving me in this situation.

"What have you been up to?" he asked me with a smirk of someone who'd been drinking quite a bit already. I knew the look well. "It's obvious you know either a little or a lot of what's going on with me," as I leaned against the door frame, "So, why don't you tell me what you know and I'll try to fill in the other questions."

He laughed. For such a little man (and with all due respect to those who are height challenged), his laugh had a more baritone quality than you'd expect, "Still direct and to the point as ever." I could only shrug. He proceeded to regale me with my adventures over the past few years since graduation and had heard about me coming to town to see my folks. The fact that he knew so much unnerved the hell out of me.

I took a deep drink and swallowed fortifying myself, "Spying on me?" I asked with a nervous laugh. He smiled and tipped his beer towards me and drank as well. "Meh!" he got out from behind the back of his hand as it ran across the most sensuous pair of ruby lips you'd ever seen. Bee stung would be the right words.

"I just hear about you from Denise when she brings the car in to have it serviced," he grinned. "I'll have to 'thank' her for the courtesy," secretly wanting to wring her pretty blond neck. "What's new with you?" I got out trying to deflect the stress of the situation away from me.

"Oh you know," he grinned, "This and that." I chuckled, "Still the evasive answers as ever I see." "You're one to talk," he groused and scowled. "Ok," I said holding up my hand, "I can see where this is going. Look, I don't want to leave blood on the floor or leave us both with bruised body parts like in seventh grade. I'm just going to go outside for some fresh air and work this off before I go home. It's been nice seeing you Petey," as I turned and walked towards the front door.

Tim started to run after me but I held up my hand with a look that would have stopped a charging rhino. Seconds later I was out in the backyard, fists clenching, teeth gritting and finally crying. "FUCK!" I said way too loudly. I think I wanted to just curl up in a ball and never come out of it.

After all these years, I was still deeply in love with this person; now a man. Seeing him again brought back all those memories and longing. He was still fucking stunning. His smile, his eyes, even drunken, sparkled with the mirth that I so fondly remembered. He had grown into a man. I had seen the man before me and the kid, for that's what we were, from the past; both merged into one being that drew me in and captivated me. I felt like one of those stupid lemmings running towards a cliff.

I wanted so badly to fucking say, "Petey I love you. I've loved you since we were kids." You know, the whole 'confessing' thing. However, the reality of life, the situation and I knew his sexuality gave me pause to do otherwise. I sat down on the picnic table that Denise's Grandfather had built, underneath the old Water oak, and the floodlight illuminating much of the area on that slightly chilly, early autumn night. The quiet of the night permeated me and gave me at least some solace that if I was to be alone at least it would be peaceful.

I heard the crunching of twigs and leaves before I saw anyone, "Tim or Denise," I said loud enough for either to hear me, "I don't want to talk." "It's neither," the voice said as he sat down beside me. I knew the voice instantly and turned to face him. There was a look on his face as he started to talk but something snapped inside of me. What came over me, I'll never know. I grabbed him by the back of the head and pulled him into a hard kiss. The forcefulness of it surprised us both. His open eyes met mine in a muffled exclamation before both closed. I don't know how long I held his arms with my hands and kissed him but when I pulled back the realization of it hit me. I started to shake. Within seconds, I jumped up off the table and ran to my car.

I could hear him calling my name behind me while trying to catch up but I didn't stop. I sped out of Denise's place and sent red clay flying in all directions. When I finally got back to my motel the entire thing came crashing down on me. I bawled and bawled. I couldn't even get up to go inside, eventually crying myself to sleep in the car. I left the next morning without a word to anyone; not even my parents. I left them a note on their backdoor saying I'd gotten an emergency call on my cell about work and had to leave earlier that morning than planned.

I avoided all calls, home and cell. I couldn't talk to anyone. Denise finally got a hold of me almost a week and a half later when I picked up the phone absentmindedly. I got an earful. The first words were "WHAT THE FUCK?" The tirade continued for nearly five minutes before I could even say a word. She, Craig and Tim were worried. "No calls, no good-bye and you haul ass out of my place," she yelled.

"Look," I finally got out holding the phone a foot from my ear, "you don't know what happened."

"No I don't," she huffed, "and neither does Tim. We saw you storm outside and then two minutes later Petey chucked his beer against the outside porch and stormed around the corner after you. I started to follow but Tim and Craig held me back. Next thing I know is that you are tearing back around the corner like a bat out of hell with Petey following you, yelling your name before you tore a shitload of clay and a month's worth of new sod to get away."

I let out a deep sigh. "What happened with Petey?" I could hear her pulling out a chair to sit down in the background, "He stood there just saying your name over and over. I walked over to talk with him but he ignored me and got into his truck and drove off. He's not said a thing about it since. If either I, Tim or Craig try to talk with him about it he just looks at us with that 'fuck off' look of his and carries on with what he is doing."

"TJ," she paused and I could tell she was hesitant to push me but was going to anyway, "What happened?"

"Just fucking great," I mumbled and repeated over and over into the phone while rubbing my forehead. "TJ!" Denise said forcefully snapping me back to reality and the pain that I'd caused.

"I KISSED HIM!" I yelled into the phone. "GOD DAMMIT! THERE! ARE YOU HAPPY? HE CAME OUT BACK AND I SNAPPED! I PULLED HIM INTO A KISS AND THEN I FREAKED!" screaming my response to her and starting to hyperventilate. "Fuck," the words softly fell into my ear. "Yeah," I choked back the tears, "tell me about it."

A few minutes of silence fell between the two of us before she spoke up, "Did he resist?" I wasn't expecting that question at all and it had me searching back to what had happened and Eric's response to all of it. Had he balled up a fist? Tried to shove me away? I struggled to remember knowing full well that alcohol added to what I had done.

"I don't know," I managed to get out finally. "He was more surprised than anything so I don't know if he would have had time to resist. I just lost it, ok? I pulled him in, held his arms and lip locked him," trying to sound calmer than I really was at the moment.

"Are you going to call him?" hesitantly posing her question. "No!" And that was my final word on the subject for five long years. I hadn't said a word about him to anyone. Not Tim, nor Denise in all that time. I tried to date with little success. Then there was the car accident, then layoff before beginning the new job, bronchitis that turned to pneumonia, hospital stay and the HIV diagnosis. I was really batting high this year!

Those five years had passed since that night as I sat there looking at Tim over the remains of the lunch, and pondering all those memories.

Seeing Petey again didn't help matters either. "You know what happened that night don't you?" I grumbled at him. Tim nodded. "Denise needs to learn to keep her mouth shut." "We're your friends," reaching over as if he wanted to thump me. "Piss off," I spouted. "Look," he started after a few minutes of silence, "stay a couple of days will you?" I drew back, "Why the fuck should I?" Tim smiled, "It's our 10 year this weekend." "NO SHIT?" I gasped not really realizing that my travels had put me in the middle of this situation. "Um, I really don't think..." I started to say but he cut me off. "You need closure before you move on." "Me or him?" I asked. Tim shrugged, "Maybe a bit of both."

"I can't believe I'm fucking doing this," I murmured while opening the motel room door. I didn't have far to go since the motel was next to the Dairy Dell and beside the city pool. Ah, small town set up. Hell, the courthouse was two blocks away and the high school next door. "Oh shut the fuck up," Denise said smacking me in the back of the head as we pulled a couple of my suitcases into the room. We threw them over in the corner. She dropped down on the squeaky bed and laughed. I hit the a/c button and flopped down on the bed beside her.

Tim had called her while I was in the 'john'. It took her two minutes from the courthouse where she worked to stand there waiting for me. "I was wondering if you were trying to get head in there?" she smirked. "Whatever?" I laughed, "We both know that this town wouldn't know a glory hole from a knot hole."

She threw her arms around me in a hug, "You look good. How's the scar?" I pulled up my shirt showing my chest and abs. The long scar ran across my right side from top of my right pec to the edge of my middle chest. "Jesus! Fuck!" Tim gasped. I smiled, "Thanks! I'm proud of my abdominals. I've been working out." He rolled his eyes.

"You know that Petey is going to be at the events this weekend," she stated quite plainly. "Yeah, I figured. Tim tell you that I ran into both of them over at Fergie's place?" rubbing my temples. She nodded.

The a/c was finally starting to move the air in the place when I spoke, "He didn't seem too thrilled to see me even though he was cordial," stretching my body and neck against the crappy duvet cover. "Don't worry about it TJ. Just have some fun before you move out west. Craig and I will be over around 6PM to pick you up for dinner," getting up to leave. I stayed still and waived my hand, "Ok. See you." The room was quiet with the exception of the low moan of the a/c and for some God unknown reason it lulled me to sleep.

Dinner was fun with the four of us, since Tim joined. We hit the one of the local places and caught up on a few things before heading over to the opening night function at the gym. Most didn't recognize me with the goatee now and the pierced ears, those that did were enlightened by Denise that I'd gotten my nipples pierced too.

"You know, there is a thing called TMI," I barked as she proceeded to tell our old principal that part in exquisite detail. She laughed, "Come on, look how some of these prudes are reacting. You can't tell me that it isn't fun to see the looks on their faces!" I laughed at her antics and could only nod.

The night progressed but Petey never showed up. Around 11PM we all decided to pack it in for the night, the curse of getting older along with Denise and Craig now being married and with kids. None of them said a word to me about him not showing up but I'm sure my face said a lot.

Tim stayed a moment after Denise and Craig left, "Listen," he said, "I don't know what's going on with him but I told him that you were just passing through before moving on. I thought he'd at least stop by." I sighed, "It's ok. I'm going to hit the hay. I'm not sure if I'll stay around tomorrow or not." Tim looked like he wanted to say something else. "What is it?" I asked taking in his hesitancy. "It's about Petey..." He looked like what he needed to say was very important but didn't know if he could or should. "What about him?" I asked. His faced changed quickly, "Never mind. I'll stop by in the morning to talk with you." I didn't push the subject, closed the door and piled into the bed a half hour later.

**** WHUMP, WHUMP, WHUMP**** The sounds of a fist banging against the door woke me up. I looked over at the clock, "One fucking thirty in the AM?" I could feel myself getting angry. Seconds later, there was another solid set of knocks followed by my name being spoken while trying to be cognizant of others staying at the motel, "TJ?!"

It was Tim's voice and it sounded stressed. I got out of bed in my boxers and opened the door, "What the hell? It's 130AM!" I spat. "I have a problem that needs your attention," Tim said out of breath. "What the fuck? What the hell are you talking about a problem that needs my attention? In the middle of the night?" rubbing my eyes.

The problem appeared a second later from behind the door as he loudly yelled "YEAH, OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR TEEJ!" and then staggered into my arms. It was a 'short problem' that reeked of too much beer. "HEEEEEYYYY!" he slurred up at me before starting to slide down and onto the floor. I grabbed him by the arms and pulled him into the room while struggling to get in onto the bed. He flopped back and mumbled, "Mmmm... warm."

Tim closed the door. "What the fuck? How did he get like this?" I asked pointing to the thoroughly soused man of my dreams. "How the hell should I know?" Tim started to laugh. "This isn't funny!" I groaned dropping down on the bed beside Petey. "Look," Tim said sitting down in the chair, "I got home and was watching TV for a bit before hitting the sack when I heard a car pull up in front of the house. I thought it was you at first. After our conversation earlier it would be just like you to want to know everything," I scowled at him but he ignored me. "That is until this," as his pointed at a now loudly giggling Petey, "started pounding on my front door and yelling for me to take him to see you."

"HE WHAT?" I yelled. "Shhhhh," Tim hushed, "There are people others here trying to sleep." "YEAH! SCHLLLLLUSSSSSHHHHH!" Petey put his finger over his lips and joined in with a higher giggle. The irony of the statement coming from wasn't lost on me or Tim as I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Point taken," Tim said as held up his hand.

Tim got up to leave. "Where the hell are you going?" I snapped.

"I'm going home and getting some sleep," as a wide grin grew across his face. "And just what in the hell am I supposed to do about this?" as I waived my hand backwards to, the now rolling around, giggling drunkard in my bed. Tim was halfway out the door by then. "TIM!" He stopped midway of stepping outside, "TJ, I can't tell you why, but he needs you right now." I stared at him incredulously, "HE needs me?" Tim's face told me a lot right then. I don't think I'd ever seen him so serious in his life, "Yeah," as he pointed at Petey, "HE NEEDS YOU! In more ways than you know. Goodnight," as he stepped out into the night air.

I locked the door and put the chain on before moving over to the bed. "Petey? Petey?" I repeated trying to get his attention. He just rolled around on the bed a bit with giggles.

I moved to kneel on the floor beside the bed pulled him up to look at me. "Eric?" I spoke softly. That was all it took. He stopped giggling and focused a bit, staring at me.

"TJ?" as his face twisted and he started to choke up and cry. His arms flew forward and wrapped around my neck as tears fell hard and fast on my bare torso. I could feel them slide down my chest and stomach. Finally, after a few minutes of me holding and gently rocking him, he began to let up. He looked at me in the eyes, "Y-y-y-o-o-o-o-u left me..." he sputtered.

My heart broke and my own tears welled up, "I'm so sorry Petey." He threw his arms around me again held tight. We didn't move for quite a while. I could feel him start to slip into the unconsciousness of sleep. "Hey," softly catching his attention, "Let's get you stripped and into bed." He nodded as I removed his shoes, socks, shorts and beer stained t-shirt leaving him in his tight multi-colour boxer briefs. I made him drink two glasses of water and take an ibuprofen before getting him into the bed.

I turned off the bathroom light, moving towards the bed to get the other pillow and extra blanket to sleep on the couch in the room but his hand caught my arm. There was pleading in his eyes as he murmured, "Please don't leave me," and slowly pulled me down to the bed beside him.

Those eyes that I loved and dreamed of for so many years drew me in. I nodded and moved into the bed beside him. He crawled up close and fell asleep in my arms within seconds of me turning off the light. His soft snores soon pushed me into slumber as well.

I wasn't sure what time it was when I woke up but I knew I wasn't in my own bed and secondly there was someone with me. I opened my eyes to see Petey facing towards me holding my lower abdomen tight. Near imperceptible snores pushed through his lips as his brown hair flopped down over his face and eyes. Soft waves of his breath blew from his nose and mouth onto my face.

I lifted my right arm and scooted onto my side and running my fingers over the side of his face and down his cheek. I don't know how long I lay there doing that before his eyes fluttered open. "Hi," he smiled at me. "Hey," was all I could get out being so mesmerized by him.

"So, I guess that I was a handful last night?" asking more of a rhetorical question. I took a deep breath, "No more than to be expected considering your condition when Tim brought you over here. Do you remember any of it?" He bit his lip, "All of it." Throwing my right arm over my eyes, I had to chuckle a bit, "Not bad for a 28 year old to still have that type of memory considering how much you probably drank."

"I usually don't," as he stretched. My forearm raised from my eyes so I could see if he actually said that, "Come again?" "Ok," as he rubbed his forehead, "I usually don't drink that much but then again I had a good reason." "What reason?" I asked hoping that he'd forgotten and hoping that we wouldn't go there. He gave me the "You know what I'm talking about!" look.

I let out a deep breath realizing that I now had to face the situation without alcohol or anyone to support me, "Understood." I sat up in the bed, pulling the sheets and blanket up with me in the process before flipping off the a/c with the provided remote. Seconds later Petey moved closer to me, pulled my left arm around him tight and leaned into me while murmuring, "Why did you leave that night?"

"Oh God!" I thought, "The question." I took a deep breath and then another before being able to respond. "Eric," I started to say something about it was a misunderstanding or some other made up bullshit but stopped when he looked up at me and smiled. "I'm sorry."

"Ok," he invited me to continue. "Look," finally getting up the courage to speak, "I've been in love with you since fucking seventh grade. I dealt with shit all those years through school. The harassment, the longing, knowing I was in love with a boy, then teenager and now the same man beside me. That night at Denise's came to a head for me. I surprised and scared myself for what I did. I know when I kissed you that night you responded back but I couldn't be sure if it was the alcohol in me or any that you may have had in you. I got scared. Terrified; and I left."

"I mean, we'd hardly ever said a word to each other all through school. We'd been in one fight when we were kids and then the next time I see you after graduation I find myself shoving my tongue down your throat. For God's sake," I began to get louder trying to pull away and realizing what the situation was again.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me in place, "NO!" he said firmly. "ERIC," I yelled, "LET ME GO!" "NO!!!" he screamed. That shook me to my core and I stopped struggling. "Eric," after I was finally able to speak again, "You're straight."

Now it was his turn to pull away but still didn't let me go, "Who told you that?" It wasn't a question I expected. I tried to gather myself from the surprise. He still held me tightly, for a little guy he was incredibly strong, and stared at me. "Eric," I started while running my fingers through my hair, "We went to school for how many years..." as I trailed off.

"And did you see me date anyone?" he asked. That made me stop. Had he? "Wait," I said remembering, "You went to prom with Vickie." He finally released me and stared at me hard, "And that means that I fucked her?" He had me there.

He took a deep breath, "I moved to this town when I was in second grade. I was young enough to be accepted and be treated like anyone else who was born here. I grew up knowing that I was different, not just in my height, but inside as well." I nodded indicating for him to continue.

"You moved here the last two weeks of sixth grade. I remember seeing you on the way to little league practice. I did the same sports and outdoors stuff because I needed to fit into these people's idea of being a man. I got into fights because I was resentful about my height. I fought you because I was envious," he added blushing.

"Envious of what?" overcome with surprise as curiosity ran through me. "Envious that you still tried to be you without attempting to conform to what everyone in this town thought you should be or do," he said shrugging. "I mean," he sighed, "You were strong enough to leave. You came out."

"I," he paused, "...Only a couple of people know about me."

"Eric," I asked softly while looking into his eyes, "are you gay?" "Yes," he said and then reached over to grab my hand, "I wanted to tell you at Denise and Craig's place that night. I wanted to tell you it was alright that you kissed me." He moved us both back to lie down on the bed putting my arms around him and resting his head on my chest.

"I need to tell you something else," gathering my courage. He nodded but didn't say a word. "This past year has been the roughest of my life," I choked out from all the stress that had built up within me. "My world turned upside down and my life isn't going to be the same for now on. However, I'll deal with it and keep on going and keep on living."

He pulled my arms tighter around him, "I know and I did and do." "Huh?" as I pulled back watching him reach up to wipe a stray tear off my cheek. I stared at him wondering what the hell he was talking about. "I know about what happened this year," he said softly.

"Denise," I said simply. His head rocked up and down cautiously as if expecting me to explode but I didn't. I sighed deep and hard, "Then you know what I have to do to keep living." He nodded and softly spoke. "What did you say?" I asked him. "I have too as well," he said looking into my eyes.

It took me a moment to realize what he meant. The moment it hit me, my heart broke. "OH NO! NO, NO, NO, NO!" my breath catching in my throat. "PLEASE NO! TELL ME YOU'RE LYING!" He shook his head. I cried out loud and sobbed pulling him tight to my chest. I began to wail like a baby.

It was unfair! This one person in this whole fucked up world. This one perfect person had to face those uncertainties as well. I hurt. I hurt so much inside as I held him. "NOOOO!!! It's not fair. This can happen to you!" I wept.

Petey moved to sit in my lap and grab my face to force me to look at him, "It's ok. I'm going to be ok. It happened in a situation that I never expected."

"How? Oh God, I know of all people, you are and had to be careful." He hung his head, "I was raped."

Pain, anger, hatred for the person that did this flared through me. I thought my temples were going to explode from the blood pouring forth into my skull. My eyes must have told him that I was about to lose it completely when he stroked my face, "I'LL KILL THEM!"

"TJ!" grabbing my face in his hands and making me focus on him. I looked into those blue eyes and stared. His eyes were misty. "Oh Eric," I burbled out. He pulled me into his arms and allowed me to cry, wail and sob for at least a half hour. I don't know who was rocking whom at that moment. Maybe we both were. It's hard to say now.

"It happened two years ago," he began to tell me after I'd finally calmed down. "I went to the beach with Tim, Denise and Craig. We'd gone out to a bar and were having fun when they decided to head back early. I stayed to have one last drink but instead decided to go to one of the gay bars down there. I'd had already outted myself to those three and they were supportive but I wanted to go to a bar on my own. I'd met a few guys online and we'd fooled around, so I wasn't naïve or a virgin. I ordered a drink and walked around the place enjoying the scenery when a guy asked me to dance.

I accepted. After a few dances, he kept trying to get me to go home with him but I declined. I was going to get a coke to get some caffeine and sugar to my system before I drove home. The bartender wasn't looking and the guy I was dancing with slipped something into my drink while I was in the restroom. He pretended to call me a cab but when I got outside the effects started to take affect. The cops found me the following morning on the beach with scratches and such. You can guess what happened from there." I was still jumpy as hell and twitching from the calmness in his voice. I finally screwed up enough courage to look at him in the face. "They caught him," he said with a wry grin. "He's serving a mandatory 20-25 before they will even think of releasing him."

"Eric," I gasped pulling him tight against me, "It's not fair!" He grabbed my face in his hands and forced me to stare into those steel blue eyes, "Is it any fairer with what happened to you? Is it fair that now you deal with the same issue after I have?" I couldn't answer. "I wanted so much to race down to the hospital to be by your side when I found out but Denise wouldn't let me. She knew that both of us had to get past our own issues first. I swore all three of them from ever telling you about the rape. I'm ok now. I've had therapy and made my peace with that situation. The one thing that I haven't made peace with is us."

I looked at him with a smile, "I never knew how you felt and still really don't."

He ran his fingers through my hair while continuing to stare at me, "You stupid fuck. I've been in love with you for years and yet you couldn't say a thing." I smiled through misty eyes, "You couldn't either." "I know," he breathed before pulling me close and kissing me deep.

There are some things I realize now as I sit here typing this. It was Tim's words. "He needs you..." Hell, I needed Petey just as much. After finding out my status I avoiding dating out of fear. Now, through fucked up circumstances of life, we came together and have been together. LOL! I guess I didn't tell you that! That afternoon, we made love. Mind you, we both had to have a shower and brush our teeth since someone's beer breath was overpowering but still we made love. Denise had to ask, "Who's the top and bottom?" Neither of us said a word but just winked and smiled at her. Three days later I left that town and haven't looked back. Petey was next to me in the moving truck, his stuff piled in the rear. ********

"Will you cut that out?"

"No, what are you writing?"

"Nothing, just a story to post on the site."

"Well, when you are done, I need you!"

"He needs me...." Hell, I fucking need him!