What I Owe You...
What I Owe You...
A short story by coreguardian
"No wait... please James... hold on... please; listen to me for a minute here. I think I've changed my mind about this. This doesn't feel right at all..."
I could hear the sounds of ocean waves breaking softly and birds chirping joyously outside as I hid my face away in fear from my opposite; huddled precariously into the darkest corner I could find in this little tiny room I had managed to get myself cornered into as my would-be director, agent, and best friend started to get his camera equipment set up; ready to shoot the big porn scene I had agreed to some hours ago to boost my ranks amongst the film community.
And for those of you who don't know me, my given name is Dillion Andrews, the first born son in my firebrand earth of foxes; although to be honest, most of anyone I have ever met or knows of me will familiarize me by my more popular moniker of just "Red."
"Don't worry Dion. This will be the biggest break ever in your career I promise." James said as he sniffed about for an imaginary air of money then, to which on the other hand I couldn't stop thinking about how the real oxygen instead seemed to choke the room; at least for me anyway. "God can't you just smell all the royalties!" He said excitedly then as he approached behind me suddenly and swiftly; his paws instantly finding their way onto my unassuming shoulders that shuddered from his touch alone.
"This isn't how I wanted this James... don't you know that?" I thought then, as if pleading with the hyper unaware leopard with my mind could make any difference at all. "But... James it's just..."
I wanted to turn around and speak with him openly of course about what was bothering me truly, but couldn't bear the strain of telling him the truth of how I felt about him.
It wasn't the time. Although maybe there never would be one opportunity better though...
"Dion, now come on, don't be shy. It's not like you haven't wanted to experiment with this whole sex tape scandal business ever since we realized how it can blow up careers of little up and coming stars still working the streets like you into pure Broadway status." As he smartly reminded me of any earlier conversation we had shared earlier his silver-tongue inched itself in ever closer to my ear, at almost a whispers length mind you, to which honestly I found suddenly arousing as I felt my girth start to expand down in my sweat pants; the heat coming off his breath something I've longed for from him ever since we first met back in college.
Treated as if it was a go-to excuse I would often tell myself whenever I needed justification in my life, it could be said that even back then in those more personally trying times of mine that James had been there for me and had sensed some sort of superstar potential from me; even if I always speculated and felt differently about the subject at any a given time myself.
Yes, I will admit to having the look of a model/actor to be certain, but body type aside I knew I wasn't cut out for this life of an acting man. So what kept me on this track you may wonder if I felt as though as I was doomed to fail from the start? Well it was for... well love. At least I thought as much.
"Well if you say so James... I trust you." I stopped fighting it all then as thoughts of James pooled in my mind collectively; of how not only he had always looked out for me since back when, but also of how he has only ever always wanted the best for me. So with that thought process in mind, who was I to argue against his best wishes for me now...
I started at first with the zipper on my hoodie, pulling it down click by subtle tick as I slowly exposed my shirtless chest underneath; the soft tuft of my breast fur expanding softly outwards as I finally turned around sheepishly to face James finally, hoping then that maybe he'd be the one to keep me from making a full out of myself now.
Such a notion went unnoticed however it seemed as instead he quickly raised his camera upon me, his wide-angle view of the world now obstructing his more beautiful glare he, I thought, could see into my heart of hearts with.
It burned me somehow I could say as the soft texture of my jacket slipped slowly of my person then, exposing the scarred and stitched up top half of my body for my crush to see. This alone felt naked enough for me to be; although I knew deep down if I was going to do this, I'd have to go all the way.
And this is not all to say I'm a prude by any means, or a stranger either to the passions of being naked in front of other men. Hell, I think I've had so many a fair share of sexual encounters in my past that I should be thankful I'm not known for something else altogether. But with them all it was just empty meaningless sex; with James... I wanted more. Maybe that's why doing this hurt me now.
As I slowly shed away layer after existing layer of the comforting shell that composed me, I worried almost what James was thinking then; like if maybe he was judging me in his silent stare behind the camera. And there in the pit of my stomach the anxiety remained until then I stood finally in just my underwear, with all of my mortified glory intact, in that empty little hotel room; with only a dim light beside me and the smell of the ocean wafting about to distract me otherwise.
I was trapped, yet gods on high forgive me if I were to lie and say I wasn't enjoying showing off a little bit in front him... the man of my dreams.
After all, how could he not know how I felt? After everything we have gone through together? There are so many instances and moments, days really spent by me just trying to make strides in sharing my feelings with him, but damn if sometimes I can't help but wonder if I fell in love with an emotionless bastard of a man.
"Alright Red, looking good man. Now come on; to really get this party started we're going to have to get you out of that underwear. If you're too nervous though chicken..." He egged me on then as he smiled at me with his devious ass glare; completely unaware it seemed to how his self imposed challenges to me only seem like steps I have to overcome to show him how far I'll go for him.
As I grabbed at the cusp of my briefs I took a deep breath, hoping and praying then that this would be the moment when I'd catch his eye finally, as I pulled them down slowly; the soft scent of my genitalia instantly filling the room all the while.
I could feel the breeze of the air conditioning in the room fanning against my crotch as I stood there for what seemed like forever in the center of this seemingly shrinking room; this moment frozen in time for me as I refused to even look in James direction.
"So is this good?" I asked quickly and abruptly, not really wanting to hear his voice while my penis remained sprawled out as it was; the knot of my cock poking itself out from my sheath now as it throbbed in an anticipation my heart could not comprehend.
"Well it took you long enough Red. Kind of get where the nickname comes from now though hehe..." He snickered away then as I quickly realized what he truly had been jabbing at then with the tone in his voice. "Well anyway, big boy, your counter partner should be arriving soon; checked out the guy myself personally so you should have yourself a good time. However, he did have kind of a funny request for you to do..." James said as started to work his way backwards then and reached over into the closet in the room.
"Yeah, what's that?" I wondered, but cared little for the response. Nothing about this moment felt real for me anyway. So I figured if I didn't let it, this moment in time wouldn't mean anything to me.
At least I thought as much at first...
"Yeah, he wanted you to wear this blindfold for a bit." James said as we pulled out a bandanna then and worked his way over to handing it off to me. "I guess after showing him your picture he said he was running a bit shy in the way of participation of this little project. But he said give him a few minutes of un-witnessed fun from you and he said he'll be able to get into it."
I stared down at the rag in hand, wondering if this was all my life was; an empty barrage of meaningless and empty trysts; the worst of which so far didn't even have the nerve to give me a hand job while looking me in the eye now. Again though, who was I to argue with James?
"Hey look, I trust you to not let this guy do anything funny with me James. You say he's on the up and up so I'll believe you okay, just... *sighs* please don't let this become just another... well you know..." I said fearfully then, thinking back to a more shameful time James knew of all to well after someone had had his way with me once after a blackout drunk party at our dorm back in college days.
"Yeah I know fox. Just close your eyes. I promise you'll be okay." He said as he set down the camera for a second and walked over to me.
He surprised me at first as he reached out softly towards my fisted paw that held the bandanna tightly in its grasp. And as I let it slip from my paw and into his, I felt like I was conceding too my fate this morning; resting it all in his cat-like grasp.
As he wrapped the blindfold around me, I took a deep gulp down with me as I swallowed my fear. It was all I could do. I didn't want to back out now; I didn't want to let James down.
"Alright, so can you see anything?" He asked me then as I shook my head no in silence, my tongue completely dry in the anticipation I was feeling now. "Good. Well I'm going to pop outside and let you do your business. Won't look as real if someone's standing in the room taping everything now right?" He said as I listened to him set the camera down on a stand he had brought with him. "Okay now I got it facing the bed for the most part, but go nuts buddy; the floor's pretty soft under foot after all."
"Just go James. I don't want you to see this." I said as I rubbed my paw through my hair embarrassed yet wanting; wishing he was the one that would be coming through the door instead.
"Okay Dion. Please don't worry. It will all be okay I promise you again." He said as I listened for his footsteps to leave the room and the sound of his voice to go out with him as he closed the door behind him.
And there I stood bravely and yet lost; alone and naked in this hotel room, not knowing what to expect except the cold inner warmth from an animal I had never even seen. It was then as I slowly backed up and felt for the edge of the bed so that I may sit down, I wondered when my life would really begin; when after all this struggle of mine, I'd get to finally lay claim to the fact that maybe I'd have lived through these struggles and overcame to get something I've always wanted.
Immediately following that thought however, I heard the door open and felt my heart drop as the huge hefty sounds of a heavy footpaw made its vast way into the room.
"So you made..." I was about to say as with all the perception was left to me I tried to analyze the individual, but was to no avail lucky enough to discern as he quickly shushed me down and seemed to take control of my sexual identity; myself a willing slave to his dominant desires for some reason.
"Just be quiet and stand up..." He said with a deep throated voice as I felt his presence grow closer upon me then. To say his aura felt enormous to me would have been an understatement, and yet his smell was both somehow familiar and comforting to me in their ways; like a memory I had forgotten about until now.
As I did as was instructed a felt a paw as soft as a pillow I never would have guessed belonged to someone as big as he seemed grab for my still throbbing red member, to which I instantly and accidentally let out a yiff of excitement in my voice.
"Must feel good huh kid?" He said as his paw started too nimble its way around my cock, every part of pressure exhibited from his every individual finger pressings sending waves of pleasure towards my brains; instantly throwing me into a state of relaxed bliss.
I knew it felt amazing. How could it not as the mysterious intruder jerked softly at the base of my knot? And yet, it all still felt empty because I knew James was just steps away beyond the bedroom wall somewhere; probably just thinking of what's for dinner later and nothing of how I felt about him.
It's weird how stuck on James I am. He is after all just an average guy. There is nothing particularly special or indifferent about him. Average build, average height, can eat pizza like a fiend. He really is just an average Joe; and yet I love him with a depth of me I can't describe. And it has nothing to do with me at all. It's the things he does and how he tries, all for me it seems.
And that's why, even before the warm hot mouth of my mystery suitor I could tell was making it's way to my tip and edge of my dripping cock and put my paws down in instant protest; showing my immediate interest in wanting to stop this all. I couldn't go through with it.
"What's the problem kit? Got something... or someone... on your mind?" He asked instinctively, as though he knew what I was thinking.
"Look I'm sure you're great for a minute of fun whoever you are, but I just can't do this with you. It doesn't mean anything anymore. Doesn't that bother you too?" I asked him, hoping that maybe he was in a similar boat as me.
"Don't really follow you kid." He said in an empty retort. "Gonna have to go into detail on that one I think."
"Look man I've been hooking up with guys for years. Some ugly, most hot, but through it all it's always felt the same to me; empty. For every guy I've ever slept with or man I've ever snowballed or sucked off, none of it mattered because... well..."
"Gonna have to speak up there kid. Us folk up in the stands can't hear you." He said as his jagged interruptions finally stirred a quiet secret inside to me escape...
"I'm in love!" I finally barked back in an anger, and yet in its own way was the most happy and fulfilling moment I've ever had in my life. I had never said it aloud before, let alone in front of anyone, so in its essence brought it all full circle for me and made it feel absolute and real. "I'm in love; with that guy right outside the door. Not that he'd ever know it or realize. But I do love him; and... I think I've just decided something for myself. No more. I want him and just him alone; he's what I'll wait for. What will make it all complete for me..."
"Oh really..." He said stone like again.
"He needs to know that; damn the consequences." It felt weird for me as argued blindly with just a shadow so I slowly started to undo the blindfold finally. I, of course, was expecting a tower of an individual to be standing in front of me, but instead I was met with the familiar focusing body of my best friend, who stood in front of me; eyes wide open with tears falling from both eyes. "James..."
"Well took you long enough Red..." He said as pulled my still adjusting body into his embrace and kissed me deeply; the warmth and smell of him everything in the world I had ever hoped it'd be.
"Wait... what?" I said as I forced myself away from something I've only ever wanted for years, but I needed to understand what was going on. "How are you here? Where's the other guy?"
"You want to work in movies and yet you still don't understand movie magic huh?" He laughed as he walked away from me and brought out from the shadows a very large, and yet immobile superimposing statue. "It let's off a wave of heat and let's actors uncomfortable with being in close proximity to others feel as though there is someone there for them to talk to. Borrowed it from props down at the soho complex we visited last week for your movie interview. Oh which by the way fox... you got the part." He smiled wickedly in the low light of the room as he masterfully displayed out for me everything he used to set this all up; from the mannequin to the voice distorter he was using to throw off my senses.
"Wait what... I got the part! Why the hell didn't you tell me that James? Let me think I had to do this whole sex tape to get the part and blah blah blah..." I could feel anger welling up inside me, but for some reason the heat of it all refused to remain; because with each impulse to punch the man, I wanted to kiss him again. "So what was this all Jay? I don't understand..."
"You sure about that Dion? I think you do..." He said as he came back over to me and wrapped his arms around me then in what I think was the first most loving embrace I had ever been privileged to be a part of. "I love you too. I have ever since I've met you. I was just afraid to tell you. For so long, man it feels like I've been watching you struggle with something, but I never knew. Never suspected it was me. It doesn't make sense to me why a beautiful fox like you could love a plain-Jane leopard like me."
"What do mean James? How could I not? You are amazing to the core; and I've never felt that way about anyone ever, not even myself. You make the days better and brighter. You help me overcome that which I feel afraid to face. And you encourage me to be more than I think I can be. You're my everything good in life..." As I finally took the initiative this time, I reached out my paw for his chest and rested it atop his heart. "I'm sorry it took you tricking me to get me to tell you how I feel."
"That's okay Dion. It all showed me something that I guess I can admit was keeping me from diving forward with you, but you proved me right today by refusing to listen to your beautiful cock and instead followed your heart." He said as our heads nuzzled softly together then all while his paw reached down to my knot and gave me several soft strokes.
"So does this mean..." I was nervous to ask the question, but damn if I didn't want to hear the answer.
"Yes, Dillion, we can be together now. I promised you everything would be alright didn't I? It's what I owe you after all..." He smiled as he pulled me in again for another kiss, every moment with him a new warmth of sensation I had never known before. "I love you."
And that's how I and my long time friend got to be together; finally. So I guess the question now is what you are willing to do to get the one that you love to see you...
The End