Ander - Part 4: Subchapter 28
28
Maybe there was still time. Maybe he could still make it. And if he couldn't... well...
No! What was he supposed to say if he got caught now?
Oh hi there, James! What am I doing out of bed, sneaking around behind your back, you ask? Well, I was feeling so much better I thought I'd go for a little stroll. Just ignore the fact that I'm coming down from the upper level, where all your private rooms are. My leg? Oh, you silly Foxy! The pain hardly bothers me at all. It never has. No pain has ever really bothered me, to tell you the truth. It was all just an act. Lovely home you have here, by the way.
James might be stupid, but he wasn't that stupid. He had to make it! For Valery's sake! If they found out about him, if they even just suspected, they'd try to keep her away from him. They'd send her to that Grovenglen place, far away. She wouldn't want that. It would break her heart. He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't let them do that to her. He had to make it...
He lowered himself down the steps, listening for the faintest noises from deeper inside. He could hear Fox feet shuffling around in place, and the tapping of wood against wood.
He made it to the bottom, his heart racing, his lungs screaming. His treacherous body wanted to suck in huge, noisy gulps of air to fuel all this exertion, but he wouldn't let it. He kept his breathing calm and quiet as he turned to face the tunnel with the pretty sketches hanging from the walls, and at the end of it, the door to his room.
If he could make it back without being seen, then...
Then all of this would still be pointless! If Luke speaks to Ander, it's over. But there was still time to fix it, still time to make this terrible problem go away. Or, at the very least, time to set their minds at ease, let them believe that everything was going according to plan, and then... they would sleep so soundly tonight...
He would give each of them a visit, one by one...
But only if he could make it back without being seen, and there was one thing preventing him from sneaking down this tunnel as fast as his foot could carry him. It was the rectangular opening in this tunnel, right next to the last picture in line (which just happened to be a pair of black Fox hands clasped together), the opening Valery had come out of with the plate of meat in her hands, the one that led to the place where they prepared their food.
And it was the same place the noises were coming from. James was inside that room right now, and there was no way, no way on earth, that he would be able to slip by without being seen, not with his huge, black, Wolf's body moving past a hole made for Foxes. He might as well give up right now. He was just too slow.
Banno flattened his back against the wall, resigning himself to do what must be done. James would come through that hole in just a few seconds, and when he did, Banno would strike. He'd grab him, cover his mouth to keep him from screaming, and then tear out his throat. It was a shame, ending it so quickly, but if it meant he could take his time with Valery, it was a sacrifice he'd have to make. Valery... just thinking about her made his mouth water... that golden fur and the black hands and the fluffy tail and those wet, glistening eyes...
"Daddy, what in creation are you trying to do?"
Valery! All the spit dried up in Banno's mouth and his heartbeat tripled in the span of a single second. He didn't know whether he should be happy or dismayed to hear her voice so nearby. It was as though... no, something like that would be going against the rules, wouldn't it? But he couldn't shake the idea. It was as if... his thoughts had summoned her.
"Hey, deary. Just trying to manoeuvre this here."
"What is it?"
"Oh, just a little something I whipped up for Banno this morning. A little present to help him along on his road to recovery, you might say."
"Is it supposed to be a crutch?"
"What else would it be?"
"It's almost as tall as you!"
She laughed then, and somehow, Banno knew everything would turn out all right in the end. How could it not, with such music flowing through the air? Such a soft, gentle sound, so innocent...
"You think this is funny, do ya? C'mere!"
"Ah! Daddy, no!"
"Boop!"
And now they were both laughing. Banno wanted to peek his head through the hole to see what was going on, but he couldn't take such a risk.
"Boop!"
"Dad, be careful!"
"I'll be careful once you admit the genius of my carpentry! Boop!"
"Hah! Okay, okay! Your -"
"Boop!"
"Ahah! Ha! Your-"
"Boop!"
"Da- haddy! I can't- I can't-"
"Boop!"
She was laughing so hard now she could barely speak. Unable to constrain his curiosity any longer, Banno leaned forward ever so slightly, just for a tiny little peek.
"Say it, girl! Say it or face an eternity of torture at my hands! Boop!"
"Eeee! Daddy!"
"Boop!"
James had one arm around his daughter's middle, tickling her furiously as she struggled to get away. With the other he held that long wooden stick thing he had been carrying with him, the broad end resting on the floor and the tip held just above her head. Every time he yelled 'Boop!' he would tap her noggin with it, and her ears would do a cute little back and forth flick. They were standing in the open doorway that led outside, both of their backs turned, as though Valery had tried to make a break for it before she got caught. But did that mean she was...?
Was she distracting James for him!?
Time seemed to slow down. Banno watched James play with his daughter, and he watched Valery kick her legs and laugh with glee, her dress billowing out around her ankles. He considered the possibility that Valery might be aware of her purpose on more than just some subconscious level. If she was actively trying to help him, did that mean she could be more than just another life for him to absorb? Could she be...?
There was nothing in this world Banno has ever been afraid of. Many things anger him, many things excite him, but never has there ever been anything that could make him feel like this, a sensation he knew on some level must be close to what others have described as 'fear', but it was so alien in his heart he didn't even know how to react to it.
Could Valery be like him? Could she be real?
"Daddeeeeee!"
"Say it, ya little squirt! Boop!"
What did this mean? If he wasn't the only real life in existence, then what did that mean for the world and all who live in it? Could there be others like her? Others like him? Not being alone... This was a thought that did not comfort or console him. It terrified_him. If he wasn't the only real thing, then that must mean the world wasn't entirely him. It was part of others as well. If he wasn't _everything, if he was _less_than everything, just a percentage of what really existed, then he was small. Maybe there were others out there bigger than he was, not in terms of size, but 'realness'? But maybe he was overthinking things. Maybe he was just being incredibly lucky right now, maybe this was just another case of the world bending to make his will come true, the way it has done so many times before now, because he was the world.
Wasn't he?
No, Valery knew what was happening. That was why she stepped in, to distract her 'father', to give him the time he needed to slip by. But how? How did she know? She couldn't, not unless she found out, or the information was given to her, or...
It's against the rules!
Another terrible thought occurred to him just then, something that rocked the very foundations of his being, his very self. What if she had a different set of rules that only applied to her? Or what if there were other rules he just didn't know about? Could that be possible? If there were other rules, then that would mean he didn't know everything there was to know about the world, and in turn, that would also mean he didn't know everything there was to know about himself.
"Your carpentry is gha! Your carp is jeeaahh!!"
"What was that? I couldn't quite hear you! Boop!"
But why would she do that? If she was real, and she knew what was going on, then why would she help him? Why would she... wait...
Why would she want to help him achieve his goal? Because his goal was to take in all life. That meant she _wanted_him to taste her death. Of course... Banno knew this to be true from the start, but he never knew it went so deep. Before this moment, he simply believed she was the same as any other life in this world, only of higher quality, but he could now understand that it was more, much more than that. She was real, and she wanted him to take her life, she wanted to be inside of him, she wanted to be a part of him forever and ever, she wanted to fuse with his being and become him, she wanted to become the real world instead of just another single point of life wandering around like an ant in the sand. She was fully aware of reality and actively trying to achieve that ultimate climax, that single moment of absolute perfection...
She's just like Vallah.
And that's when everything clicked into place. Everything. Vallah was real, even before she became a part of him. That's why he was driven to taste her the moment he held her in his arms, even though he had no intention of doing so when he first set out to look for her with all the others. Maybe that's why she got lost in the first place. She did it on purpose, knowing that he would be the one to find her. But how could she know such a thing without breaking any rules? There must be something more, something Banno could sense, but was dancing just out of the reach of his understanding, some fundamental connection between himself and the real ones in this world, drawing them all together, towards each other, some invisible attraction that transcends the rules.
"Haha- ah! Your carpentry is genius your carpentry is genius!"
Oh! Not good! Realizing he'd been standing around in awestruck wonder for far too long, Banno slipped past the opening in one big step without even checking to see if the coast was clear. He pressed his back up against the wall and clasped his hand against his mouth to keep from wheezing in exhaustion. He listened, the sound of his frantic heartbeat pounding in his ears, then...
"And don't you forget it, missy."
"I won't, I won't, I swear!" Valery gasped for breath, and the sound made Banno feel all tingly inside. He wondered if she would gasp the same way when he bit down on her neck, puncturing her throat with his -
No! Not now! He could fantasize about that later! He had made it! He had actually made it! She had given him this golden chance and he would not let it go to waste! He had to get back to his room! Right now!
He started on his way, carefully putting his weight down on his stump (which was getting audibly squelchy by now).
"Dad, what did Tim and Luke do?"
James didn't answer right away, and that forced Banno to freeze in place. He just didn't trust himself to move forward in such utter silence, not when they were so close.
"Why do you ask, honey?"
"Because you sent me out to collect eggs, but it wasn't my turn. The only time you do that is when you yell at them and you don't want me to hear."
"Oh? And when did you become so sharp?"
Banno slowly, ever so slowly willed himself onward, constantly moving towards that bedroom door, but although he could feel himself move his legs, and he could feel the intense burst of pain each time he put his stump down, it didn't seem to be coming any closer. It just hovered there like an immovable horizon, its distance set and unwavering.
"I'm always sharp, Dad. What did they do this time? Tim looked really -"
"Don't you worry your pretty little head over something like that," James said, and then there was a soft brushing noise, probably from his hand ruffling her hair. "They were goofing off again, so I had to lay down the law. Nothing serious."
"But what did they do?"
"You know, Val, I think I need to tend to our guest. He puts on a brave face, but that leg must be killing him."
Banno struggled on, the shadows on the walls running and dripping down to the floor in hazy rivulets... Oh no, was he passing out? He couldn't pass out now, not when he was so close. He reached for the door, but his hand closed over nothing but empty air. It was still at the end of the tunnel, but where was he? Shouldn't he be there by now...?
"Can I come? I made a little something for him, too."
"Oh? What did you make, sweety?"
"This."
There was a slight pause, then: "Val, when did you make this?"
"Last night, before I went to bed. I felt kinda bad. I think he must have seen how scared I was, so I thought I'd make him something nice. Do you think he'll like it?"
"Such a thoughtful gift, made by such thoughtful hands? There's no way he can do anything but love it."
"It's not much. Just a piece of leather, really..."
Almost there... so close...
"Nonsense. Now come along and we'll see how Mr Wolf is doing."
"Okay."
The door handle swayed to and fro, like a feather descending from the heavens, leaving ghostly copies of itself in its wake. Banno reached out and, either by some amazing stroke of luck or brute willpower, his hand closed around the right one on the first try, just as the footfalls started up again. He could hear them coming, he could smell them coming, he could even feel them coming through the vibrations in the floorboards, traveling up his stump, making it itch and itch as though a swarm of fire ants was nesting inside his wound.
He pushed the door open, nearly banged his head against the frame, and slipped inside, closing it behind him with the faintest click.
Did they hear that? he thought frantically. They must have heard that!
Whether they heard it or not was a moot point, since changing the past was against the rules, and that meant there was nothing he could do about it. Something he could do, however, was get back in bed.
He lurched for that soft, white, comfortable prison, the prison that was also his sanctuary and salvation, the two sets of footfalls beyond the door growing louder and louder at his back, one heavy, one light, both moving so quickly... much too quickly...
Behind him, the door handle slowly started to turn.
He wasn't going to make it.
Banno threw himself onto the bed and, soft and fluffy though it was, it still made a lot of noise. He desperately wriggled his legs underneath the blankets and lay back just as the door swung open and James poked his head inside.
"Banno? You all right?" he asked. "What..." He stepped inside wearing an expression of perplexity and... was that suspicion? Yes, it was. Banno could easily put himself in James's place right now, looking down at this big black Wolf, breathing so hard he was pushing the blankets up and down with his chest, reeking of sweat and panic, the eye crazy and unfocussed.
And then, as if to confirm Banno thoughts, he asked a simple, but damning question. "Banno, what have you been doing?"
Maybe there existed some magical excuse that could explain everything away. Maybe all he had to do was open his mouth and the world would bend to his will once again and the words would pour from his tongue all on their own, fixing everything in one fell swoop, erasing all doubts and mistrust with nothing but his wit and guile.
Banno opened his mouth, fully intending to give it his best try, but then his eye fell on something even more damning than his tired, sweaty face and his rapid breathing.
Starting from the doorframe, snaking its way between James's feet, splashed across the bedpost and climbing up the bedsheets in wet, dripping spots...
It was a crimson trail of his own blood.
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