The Brightest Spots of the Moon
#2 of The Brightest Spots of the Moon
Without being too hard, I would like some feed back. I put this out on FA as a sort of 'sneak peak' to a story my friend Bunbun and I are working on. I want to put this out there to be very very clear - this is NOT a suicide scene. It does have to heavily do with mental illness, which cutting counts towards, but just know that was one of the things you learn about the character within the first chapter of the book so it's not exactly wrecking too much up to expose it.
Our goal is to bring to light what it's like to struggle/ fight having a mental illness. It's a topic we feel there should be more dialog on.
Your feedback will be helpful in getting the story off the ground, so please, do be kind, and do be honest.
Thanks!
PS. below is the description that came on FA with more setting up the scene information. ALSO NOTE - Farelle's name will end up changing. We'll talk about that later though.
This story was written by Jennifer Allen (Farellemoon), and has trace amounts of Bunbun, my co-writer, scattered all over it. I owe Bunbun a lot for helping me.
It's a scene from my upcoming story 'The Brightest Spots of the Moon" which will ultimately be a commentary about mental illness and relationships. The two main characters, Terri and Farelle are two artists - one that does comic book work, and the other that does glass fixtures she often turns into fancy looking lights.
The following takes place just as the story is starting to kick off, so I figure while it may have a few spoilers they aren't wrecking anything really, this is literally at the end of the first chapter.
The scene takes place in Terri's roof top garden where she displays her favorite pieces of glass lights she has made. Marked mature for some of the darker content at the end.
WARNING: It gets dark towards the end. Anyone who struggles with such things as suicidal thoughts or self harm may not enjoy the content that unfolds.
She knew bravery was not something she was known for, yet as she glanced into her friend's eyes, the lights illuminating the soft fur of Farelle's face, Terri felt a contraction of courageous nerves come together. Her fists unclenched as the tension washed away leaving her with unfamiliar confidence. She reached forward, tumbling in free fall, not knowing where she might land, and pressed her lips against Farelle's.
There was an unwelcome, undesired silent pause.
Tears began to trickle down Terri's cheeks. She'd startled her friend. There was not going to be any welcome embrace. There was no kiss back. There was only a loose quivering which met her lips, and the world dropped out from under her, claws digging into the floor.
Farelle's eyes circled about as she struggled to grasp the moment with any amount of comprehension. She felt dizzy, her heart racing, her breathing shallow, and without rhythm, as though suddenly painfully aware of itself. Internally, she screamed. ' What do I do?'
Farelle's feet began to scoot back slowly, she struggled against an urge to run, knowing full well it would only crush Terri. This was Terri, she thought, her new closest, favorite person. A woman she had come to cherish, but to what extent she was uncertain. The more she thought about it the deeper her need to flee from the scene became until it was so overwhelming in a panic she met and failed to fight it. "I'm sorry." she gasped, bowing over, and then taking her leave swiftly dodging Terri's eyes.
Terri struggled to breath, gasping in short breaths, trying to stay composed. Her stomach dropped, her legs felt as if they may give out, and she felt every palpation of her heart as if her blood had thickened some how, struggling to circulate.
Thoughts began to creep in, and the darkness of her mind began to poison her body as her fur began to stand on end. She bent over cradling herself. The pain was becoming sharp, like the blade of a knife scraping down her skin. A certain longing for it rippled through her mind, and she felt her fingers go numb as her fist clenched tighter trying to keep the dark thought at bay.
Curled up, she let herself fall to her side, surrounded by the twinkling lights of her own creation, finding no comfort in her beautiful little accomplishments dancing around her. She then felt a tension build, as if something had to break. Either her or something else, and she plucked up one of her glass lights, shattering it against the ground. A colorful array of shards laying before her, and with no conscious thought she plucked up the largest one, and the darkness clouding her mind prevailed as she lifted it slowly, pressing it into her thigh.