Dr. Gruffy’s Beginner’s Guide to Butt Sex
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Intro: I've been asked about this a few times - sometimes people do come for Gruffy for sex advice, literally so, and I have to concur that while my stories may make you want to have sex, they do not really constitute as actual advice when it comes to the mechanics of sex, especially anal sex, which is a fan favorite, of course, but doesn't really happen quite like it does in the stores. So here's a little...heh...primer for anyone curious. This one contains some illustrations and frank discussion and language, and is of course marked adult.
- What is this guide for?
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This guide includes some basic information about your ass, about anal sex, beginning exploring the wonders of butt sex, and a few tips and do's and don't for trying it with a partner too, as well as notes on general safety when it comes to anal play. This does not constitute professional or medical advice, and you are responsible only for yourself if you decide to plug and play! *chuckle*
- Safety first!
In both solo play and when playing with a partner, it's definitely important to stay safe. If you don't want to do something, or feel uncomfortable before, after, or during any sexual act, STOP what you are doing. Whether it's physical pain or mental discomfort, it tells you that something is wrong and you should be taking a breather to figure out what's going on. Don't hesitate to do so, it's your body, it's your choice.
Remember that anal sex with a partner in any forms, whether it's fingering, rimming, giving or receiving anal penetration or not, can put you at risk of transmission of sexually transmitted infections such as HIV, hepatitis, Chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, syphilis, the Human Papilloma Virus, giardiasis and other pathogens that range from "ouch" to potentially lethal. Both the top and the bottom can receive an STD from sexual intercourse! Always practice safer sex using latex condoms during anal penetration, and use plenty of water-based lubricant that won't dissolve the condom. The condom should be removed immediately after sex is over and put into the trashbin. You shouldn't flush them, for they do clog things up. Remember that sharing sex toys can also put you at risk of infection, so that is another risk. If sex toys are shared, they should be cleaned between users and condoms should be used on them as well.
Pain means stop! If anything hurts, that means something could be wrong, and you should stop whatever you are doing, remove anything from your butt and see if any damage has been done. Anal sex and butt play should be pleasurable and not cause any discomfort or pain.
- Why Would I want to Have Anal Sex?
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Should I say...why not? Well, it depends. Some people love it, some people do it sometimes, some try it once and don't like it, some never do it. It's always a personal preference, and that is good. But if you are curious, you should know that it can be pleasurable, whether alone or with a partner.
- Why Would It Feel Good then? I mean...in the butt?
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Sex is a pleasurable act, and it's done because it feels nice. The anal region, from your perineum (aka taint) to your butthole to your prostate are all lined up with very sensitive nerves, and their stimulation can cause quite the few nice feelings, if you have the patience to find out what your body likes about it. That's why exploring yourself can bring out some interesting new sensations that you can enjoy alone or with your partner.
Psychological pleasure is of course an aspect as well. Penetrating someone or being penetrated is a very intimate act, and can make you feel good about being very close to your partner. It can mean a lot of things to you, ranging from a spiritual experience to just the knowledge that yay, you're getting buttfucked/doing someone up the ass. That's all fine. Just figure out what works for you.
- The Man-Ass Explained
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Now that looks complicated, doesn't it? Basically, it's composed of the end of the colon, called rectum, which terminates on an orifice at the very end called the anus , which is the muscled closed door that keeps stuff where you want it to be unless you want to get it out. There's a mass of muscles, nerves and tubes for your urine and your sperm to pass as well, and of course blood vessels that supply everything with blood. Your rectum is about 10 inches long on average before it enters the sigmoid colon, which is where the colon continues along.
The anus is composed of two separate muscular valves, called sphincters.
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One of these is a voluntary muscle which means that it's innervated to work under conscious control of your body - like your arm, eh, you want to move your arm, it moves. The same with your butthole. That gives you the ability to clench hard on it when you really need to take a crap but can't go to the bathroom in this very instant. You really like having that kind of control over it. The second anal sphincter is an involuntary muscle and that means that the brain has the supreme authority over it - it's there, but you can't do anything about it. It's like the muscles inside your bowels that keep foodstuff moving in there - it's a boring kind of work someone has to do, but you're really happy that the brain keeps it up and you don't have to think about your peristalsis every minute or so to keep your digestion moving.
Your butthole is both a source of pleasure and a potential source of pain - it's skin is very sensitive to touch and movement, which means touching it and stretching it can feel very good, but the failure to relax during anal penetration can cause not only pain but damage as well, so you better be aware of all this!
The honorary mention goes for the prostate gland. This nut-shaped thing is lodged inside you, behind the rectum and below the bladder. It's a factory that pumps out spunk - really, no matter how many times stories tell that someone's balls are churning with cum they want to get out, it's actually the prostate that produces the majority of the milky fluid that comes out when you have an ejaculation. The urethra passes through the prostate gland and that's why old men get trouble peeing if their prostate starts to grow larger on its own - a design fault of the male body we haven't quite figured out yet.
Stimulating the prostate from within the prostate can be quite pleasurable, and bring interesting sensations, including the famed non-ejaculatory male multiple orgasm. It's also sometimes called the P spot or the male G spot due to its famed sensitivity - some people find it and love it, others just don't see the difference - but only exploration will tell you!
- Having Butt Sex Without Going Inside Your Butt
Does that sound weird to you? But don't be so shocked, it's more than possible to enjoy anal stimulation without penetrating your forbidden flower. Massaging the buttocks, the perineum and the hole itself are pleasurable acts, though as always, the sensitivity depends on the recipient of these acts. Taking a grab of your butt cheeks and pulling them apart can also create some interesting sensations, so taking your time to explore can be truly worthwhile.
Rimming is when the anus is stimulated with the tongue, which can also be a pleasurable act. If your partner is squeamish, a condom cut in half into a kind of a sheet can be used as a barrier to make the act seem a bit more hygienic.
- Having SECRET Butt Sex With No Touch Involved
Oh yes, you read that right, it's also possible to produce anal sensations and stimulations without touching yourself at all, in or out. This involves finding your muscles, that including your anal sphincter and your PC muscle - this muscle wraps around your junk inside you, keeps you from peeing yourself, and its contractions are an important part of the ejaculatory process, so it definitely has something to do with sex, right? You can find this muscle by trying to make your penis 'dance' - I suppose most men know how to make their shaft flex - it's the muscle you use when peeing and then stopping the flow of pee in mid-stream. Rhythmically squeezing this muscle and your butthole, holding the tension and releasing can be tiring AND pleasurable, and might bring some interesting sensations if you try it out. Rumouredly, exercising the PC muscle gives you better stamina and stronger ejaculations, even stronger orgasms...and of course, it keeps your manly bits healthy from the inside.
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- I'm Going In - Being Clean and Safe!
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If you want to start exploring the interior of your manly cavern, a few words of advice are again at hand. You should be clean, which usually means at least a shower to get the exterior nice and fresh, and you probably should have a bowel movement some time beforehand to make sure that your rectum is empty. It's basically a tube at the end of your GI tract, into which the colon periodically deposits a mass of dead bacteria, undigested food and all the trash your kidneys and liver put out to clean your body of unwanted excess materials and toxins and crap...heh...this creates the mushy substance we all know as shit. If you just had a bowel movement aka took a crap, your rectum is most likely empty, but you should remember that depending on the consistency of your stool, some might remain. Depending on how squeamish you are about the idea, some further cleansing can be accomplished by douching - that's introducing a small amount of water into your rectum to flush out the very end of it to make it clean, or by enema - that's when you put in a whole lot of water to get a big flush of it.
A word of warning about enemas - they are okay for occasional use, but if you do it too often, that is, such as daily or several times a day, there's a danger that your butt becomes lazy and it will no longer work on its own without its accustomed flush - yes, you can break your shitting reflex with too much flushing it all out, so be advised!
Poop stuff aside, there's a few other things to remember. Anything going into the butt should be smooth and safe - no no sharp edges of any kind! The butt is very sensitive and can be cut easily, leading into bleeding and possibly serious problems and infection if you're not careful. If you se your fingers (as any beginner should), you should make sure that your nails are very smooth and carefully trimmed so that you won't accidentally cut yourself with your killer nails. The same goes for any toys, proper or makeshift, they should not be able to harm you.
A nice rule of thumb is to think: would I be comfortable putting this into my mouth? If the answer is yes, it's probably safe to try it in the butt, but if you have any doubts, don't do it. Both are holes with sensitive mucus membranes in them, so it might give you bit of an advice.
You should always use lubricant when inserting anything into your rear - always use a water-baesd lubricant if you use plastic toys or condoms, since water-based lubricants won't damage them. KY Jelly is the classic substance, being scentless, widely available and won't make a mess - you can always wash it away. Other sexual and medical lubricants are fine too, but always read the label for it - they usually advice on compatibility. You should be very wary of any ghetto lubes - getting too creative here can be dangerous. You should avoid any mineral oils, industrial lubricants, shampoos, creams and soaps - they can irritate and damage your butt, and might not suit with condoms and other stuff. A little bit of spit polish can work in a pinch, but should be only used for digital stimulation.
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One more absolute warning - never numb up your butt! Using a lubricant with a numbing function, such as one of those delay creams used for keeping back premature ejaculations might seem like a good idea - hey, it keeps you from feeling pain during entry, right? Well, it also stops you from feeling pain if you are being too rough on your butt! It's best to stay safe and trust what your body tells to you, so don't mess around with numbing stuff on your ass. Use anaesthetics in the butt and it's more than possible that a doctor will soon be using a whole lot of anaesthetic to repair the damage you did. ** **
- Popping the Cherry
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Inserting stuff into the butt takes patience and practice. You have to wait for your body's response, see how it reacts to stuff, whether it's a finger, a penis or a toy you want to get in there. Lube it all up! You generally can't use too much, so don't worry about that. Towels and baby wipes will get rid of the mess you might make, so have them at ready and don't worry about it wihle you are at it. You should be as relaxed as you can, think of nice thought, hot thoughts, if you like, and just keep an open mind. If anything hurts or you don't feel like it anymore, simply stop and try again at some other time if you still want to do it.
Generally, you should be able to insert a single finger without too much trouble. Just add lube, keep a gentle pressure on your hole, press, wait, press, wait, relax, think happy thoughts, and it should slide in. It's a good idea to stop often, to simply wait to see how your body reacts to all the things happening to it. Sometimes the best feelings come from not doing anything at all - your body is learning new ways to enjoy itself. The very act of having something spreading your hole open or something filling you, even if it's just a single finger, can be very interesting and satisfying.
As always, remember that if it hurts or feels bad, stop it. Funny and weird can be good, though, so unless you are in discomfort or absolutely revolted, you might want to take your time and see what happens. Just explore gently, and see how far you can take it - whether it's to an orgasm from masturbating while fingering yourself, or just a few minutes of rubbing yourself from the outside, or a full blown ass fest. It's all up your butt.
- Beginner's Toy Fun
I've been asked about this, too, and my advice is simple don't start by buying a Bad Dragon! Even the small ones are HUGE, and I mean, GIGANTIC for anyone who isn't an experienced ass stuffer. If you want to explore with toys, you want to start with something small. Dildos, butt plugs, prostate massagers, anal beads, wands and massagers are different kinds of toys made either for butt play especially or multipurpose for sticking into any applicable body orifice. You should definitely star with something small, and work up in size if you feel like further exploration, such as seeking a comfortable level of relaxation for receiving anal sex.
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A nice simple butt plug can be a good way to start exploring with toys. Just lube it in, and it should pop right in, as long as you remember to relax and be careful. A proper plug should be very smooth and go in easily, and have a flared base so that it won't get lost in there. Seriously, people, medical handbooks have whole chapters about rectal foreign body extraction, and it's not a joke. People but light bulbs in there. Flashlights. Potatoes. Anything. Don't do that. You'll get hurt. And into a medical journal. Simple small plugs can be bought for cheap, and you should find them from any online or physical sex shop.
Another warning - you often see "anal trainer sets" being sold, promising to contain different sized plugs for stretching your ass. While the idea is cool and these can be good for some, generally it's quite difficult to visualize the actual size of the toys without holding them in your hand (before they might go somewhere else), and often these sets contain toys that are just intimidating. They can be enormous , and while obviously manageable, might be a bit much for a starter, or for someone who just wants something little to play with casually. So be careful, and indeed if possible, visit a sex shop where you can at least see the plastic-packed product before buying. If you are shy and use online, or just want the convenience, buy a single product in the smallest size, and once you find it manageable, you can try something bigger.
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Another interesting starter toy can be the prostate massager - it's a funnily shaped thing, with a narrow base and these two "wings" that rub the base of your penis and your perineum for some external stimulation. I think these are the only anal toys that have been aggressively marketed for straight guys too, for their health purposes. They are easy to insert, being quite small, and they can still bring interesting feelings from inside you. Their shape makes them also easy to wear while masturbating or even if you are having sex with someone, so that's also something to try out, if you dare! The Aneros is the originator and the gold standard, but pirate products that look and work exactly the same can be bought at a fraction of the price, so trying one out won't bankrupt you.
- Advanced Toy Play
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Really, the colon's the limit. You do know how much people like stuffing their butts, some people get competitive. It's up to you to see what your limits are - some enjoy a single finger, others want to go for the whole fist. Find your own limit and have fun exploring, trying toys, techniques, vibration, anything you can think of, as long as you keep safe and don't get into trouble. You can have a great deal of pleasure, but you can also harm yourself, so stay careful.
- Doing the Deed
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It goes without saying that all the techniques listed above work with a partner, too - it can be very sexy, sensual and erotic to explore your lover's butt, even without sticking your dick in there. If that is indeed to happen, it's good to remember that at that point, whether you're pitching or catching, anal sex ceased to be masturbation, an innately selfish act, and becomes a two-man show. You have to listen to your partner, to make sure both of you are comfortable, happy, getting pleasured - you may have to compromise a bit so that both get what you want, but as long as you are open to listening to one another, take your time, and remember lubing up and safety, everything should go well.
Bottoming isn't meant to hurt, neither is the initial penetration. If it hurts a lot, the bottom is probably not relaxed enough, or there is not enough lube, or the penis really is massive. Patience, listening to one another, and proceeding slowly will help here. If it feels bad, don't do it, stop, take a breather, try again, or don't do it, if you decide that it's just not working, you don't want to do it. That's how it goes. That's sex. That's people. And people aren't machines.
- Endgame
Well, that's bout it. Give your comments and further questions and ideas below, and help your butt buddies out! Cheers!
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