FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The Rising of the Moon Over the Atlantic

by NightEyes DaySpring

I had just finished up my shift in boiler room #3 when I was flagged down by one of the ship's engineers. He was leaning against a bulkhead talking with a steward. The moment I got close to them, the steward wrinkled his nose. My senses had long since stopped complaining about my working conditions, but I knew I wasn't decent in my current condition. I stunk of sweat, and coal dust stained my pelt; I looked more like a black fox then a red fox. After roasting in my own fur for the entire four hour shift, my natural fox musk became acidic and harsh.

"I have a message for you," said the steward as he unceremoniously pressed a piece of paper into my dirty black paws. Before I could even open the note, the steward had turned to retreat back to the clean, comfortable parts of the ship.

I looked at the note. On the outside of the note was my name written in elegant cursive handwriting. The coal dust in my fur smudged the clean white paper as I opened it. I read the note and jumped in shock.

The engineer saw my reaction. "Is everything all right Liam?"

"Ay," I lied as I folded the note back up and shoved it into one my overalls' pockets.

Normally, the first thing I would do after a shift would be to scrub my pelt to get some of the dust out of it to restore its rich red color and white patches. Instead, I skipped going back to the crew quarters and headed for the upper decks of the ship. I couldn't justify cleaning up for this. I had told him before this couldn't work, so I didn't care if he saw me like this. It was time to bring this to a close.

When I reached the correct floor, I stepped out of the stairwell into a completely different world. While the crew quarters of the ocean liner were cramped and stuffy, the first class cabins were more spacious and luxurious then any place I had ever lived.

One of the floor's stewards spotted me right off and tried to intercept me.

"You can't be here," he said hurrying up to me.

"Mr. Patters sent for me, sir," I said pulling out the note.

The steward, an ermine, looked shocked. He glared at the paper in my paws. He went to take the note, but he pulled back after noticing the coal dust that stained the paper. I held the note up for the steward waiting. Gingerly he took the note and opened it. His mouth fell open when he read it.

"You're tracking coal dust across my carpet," he said demurely as he folded the note and handed it back to me.

"Do ya want me to leave Mr. Patters waiting?" I asked the ermine with a quirky expression.

"No," he mumbled, "this way." We walked down the hallway in silence and stopped in front of one of the cabin doors. The steward knocked and we waited. There was no response for a moment, and then the door opened. In the doorway stood Charlie Bartholomew Patters, heir to the Patters' fortune. He was wearing a dress shirt with an unbuttoned collar and a vest over it; his gray fur, with its black and red streaks, complemented the dark colored vest.

"Sir, this gentleman has a note claiming to be from you saying that you wished to speak to him. I do not wish to intrude..." started the steward.

"I did indeed send for him," said the wolf cutting off the steward. "Liam and I have some business to talk about." The ermine blinked, bobbed his head, and quickly retreated down the hall. I just stood there in front of the door and glared at Charlie.

He frowned at me. "It would have been nice if you had cleaned up before coming, Liam."

"That would defeat t'e whole point of me coming as I was, sir. I am just a humble stoker."

He sighed. "Would you please come inside and stop making a scene."

I walked in with a chuckle, tail swaggering back and forth. "It isn't appropriate..."

He cut me off, "for an Englishman such as myself to be seen with a poor Irishman like you. Nor is proper for me to commit sodomy with you or anyone else. I'm quite aware of the social norms. You don't need to remind me."

"I take it t'is won't be a short conversation," I quipped. "Is t'ere a preferred chair ya wish for me to soil with my dirty, sodomite body?"

"You never miss a beat I see."

I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "We are two days out of Southampton and are now out in t'e middle of the Atlantic Ocean. It's three days to New York. I see you've chosen now to spring ya little trap. There is no coincidence t'at you are here; ya know what ship I sail wit'. I doubt ya even have business to attend to in America. I would guess the entire reason you took t'is voyage was just so ya could talk to me again."

"Actually, I do have some business to conduct in New York. I only decided to take care of it in person since you would be here."

I threw my hands up in the air. "Close enough. I've told ya how I feel. I'm sure ya have some great speech prepared, which you can take and shove. I don't want to hear it."

He grabbed one of my arms. "Stop this Liam. I love you."

"You say t'at, but I don't really believe ya."

"Liam, please," he said.

"We're from very different worlds. Worlds that don't want to cross."

"Times are changing. Slowly maybe, but they are changing. You should be more optimistic than that."

"That's easy for ya to say. Ya don't stoke boilers for a living." I growled.

"Do you remember when we first meet Liam? Do you?"

I did of course. It had only been eight months ago, but it could have been yesterday for how clear the memory was.

#

The gin was strong, the pub was rowdy, and if you weren't paying attention, you would not have noticed how the patrons kept eying each other. It was the perfect place for me to spend my meager wages in. A few good rounds, some bawdy action, and I would go back to the ship in the morning to recover before I went back out to sea. It wasn't much of a life, but it at least had its moments I mused as I drained my glass and put it back down on the bar.

A wolf drinking across the bar by himself kept eyeing me. He appeared to be my best bet for a liaison. I had considered making a move, but there was something peculiar about this wolf. He was somehow out of place for the general clientele of the pub, and I couldn't tell why. I got up and went over to sit next to him. He was at least worth checking out in close quarters.

"Having a good night?" I asked him as I walked over and sat down next to him.

"Pretty good," said the wolf a little nervously. "It's my first time here."

I smiled showing my fangs. The gin I had been drinking was hitting me hard and had really loosened me up. "Oh really? Perhaps I should show ya t'e ropes."

The wolf shifted his weight and reached out to take a sip from his whiskey. "I know the ropes," he said. I looked over the wolf and then it hit me what made him so peculiar. No matter how hard I tried, I could never quite get the white portions of my fur to be completely white during my short shore leaves. I would need to spend a few days away from the boilers in order to do that. The wolf though, was immaculate. His fur was far to preened for him to be a laborer. He had to be a merchant of some kind.

"My name's Liam," I said sticking out my paw. "I'm a stoker on an ocean liner. What's your name?"

"Charlie," the wolf said taking my paw.

Maybe it was the gin that made me so bold, but I leaned in close so only the wolf could hear me speak. The smell of gin caused Charlie's nose to flare.

"You're not a day laborer. I can tell just from how ya carry yourself, yet you're here," I said to him. "Why is t'at?"

The wolf smirked. "They don't really have places like this for people in polite society here in England."

"Fair enough," I said sitting back. The gin had dulled my mind to the point I didn't think to ask him any more questions.

"Here," said the wolf, "let me get you another drink."

#

"I do. I recall you took quite advantage of me," I said to Charlie.

"You didn't complain in the morning." said the wolf. "You also approached me."

"Of course I didn't mind. I was a horny fox on t'e prowl."

"I treated you well. Why did you have to stop seeing me?" he pleaded.

"I know you treated me well. I always looked forward to seeing ya when I was back in Southampton."

"Then why Liam?" His ears were back, and he didn't understand why. To me, it should have been obvious.

I snorted. "Do ya really have to ask t'at? Ya had to go and ruin what we had."

"Ruin it?" said Charlie in surprise. "I was only trying to help you."

#

Even though he was the heir to a multi-million dollar fortune, I found Charlie Bartholomew Patters to be quite flexible in bed. He wasn't ashamed about being with me either. The wolf had been moaning so loudly under me that I thought the landlady I had rented the room from in the boarding house for three days was going to start pounding on the door at any minute. Finally, after what seemed like enough time for us to be discovered, I pushed myself upon him one last time. With a long drawn out sigh, I climaxed, delivering my hot seed into the wolf.

In that moment, I felt free. It felt like the world contained just us. Charlie was panting, quickly stroking himself. Within seconds, he came too, and I could feel the release of tension in the wolf's body. Charlie slowly slide down onto the bed, and I pulled out gently once my knot had loosened up enough. Even though we were both sticky, I cradled him and let the afterglow of sex drift between us.

The small twin bed in the room wasn't very spacious, but it just made us stay close. We lay there, wolf and fox, bound together by our illicit love. Finally after a few minutes, Charlie spoke.

"I would like to see you more often," said Charlie.

"Ya know how the ships go. We usually only get a day or two in Southampton before we're back out to sea."

"I know," said the wolf snuggling back against me. "I was thinking you could get a job on shore."

I shifted my weight a little. "I'm a stoker. I prefer being out to sea t'an working in one of the ironworks."

"Perhaps something else then. I can help you find a job locally."

I laughed. "And where would I live? Would ya have me move in with you?"

"Well, no," said the wolf.

"Ya never had me come over to your house. We always go to whatever little dump of a room I can find or use t'e back room of the pub."

Charlie was quiet for a moment. "I got the feeling you never wanted to come over. It was two months before you finally asked me what my full name was. When I told you, you just rolled your eyes and told me even the rich need a good pricking in their bottoms."

I squeezed Charlie. "It's true isn't it?"

"It is, but there's more to life than just fucking."

"All that family rubbish? I don't plan to ever touch a bitch again in my life. My mother tried to get me to marry, but I know what I want in bed."

There was a pause. "Yes, but what about us?"

"Society doesn't want people like us. It's why I keep to myself and don't worry about t'ings. What we have is right here in t'is bed."

Charlie was silent.

"Why complicate it?" I asked him.

"Because I love you." said the wolf shifting around and rolling over so he could look at me.

I looked into his eyes and the pleading expression they contained. It was in that moment that I saw what I most feared would happen. My heart fluttered at the thought, while fear gripped my chest. I was too shocked to say anything at all.

"Liam?" He asked me.

I didn't know what I could tell him as I held him there. I liked having someone regular to be with, but I wanted to keep things discrete. I had always hidden my shame of loving men away, especially from my mother. I had always been afraid she'd find out back when I was in Ireland. To have it break into the rest of my life was more than I was ready for. I couldn't let that happen.

"I know," I said softly to comfort Charlie. He frowned, but before he could speak, I leaned forward to press my muzzle against him and nuzzled the wolf. I so wanted this, but I couldn't have it. It hurt so badly as I closed my eyes and nuzzled him. I drank in his scent deeply. This would be the last time we would ever be together.

I couldn't let him continue to develop feelings for me.

#

"Ya tried to interfere with my life. I like my life. It works out fine for me."

"Really? So you plan to shovel coal for the rest of your life?" he asked.

"It keeps me fit."

The wolf shook his head. "It doesn't have to be like this. We could make something together for ourselves."

"I've got what I need," I said. "My life provides me food for my belly, and a place to sleep. And when I get a break, a chance to have a little fun. Now t'is," I said sweeping my hands, "is something else. It a game of airs, appearances, and nice words. T'ings I know not'ing about. Ya can keep it."

His eyes were angry, but he kept himself in check. "What about our love?" he asked me, his voice still soft.

"T'ere isn't an us. It was good while it lasted, but t'at's over now." I could feel my chest tightening as I spoke, but I just needed to get through this.

"Fine!" said the wolf turning away from me. "If you want to slave down in a boiler room until you grow too old or broken to work, go ahead."

I turned and reached for the door. "I'm glad ya letting me live my own life, sir." With that I opened the door and slammed it behind me as I left. Out in the hallway I caught a lady looking at me, but I huffed and headed off back to the bowels of the ship.

As I started to walk away, my sensitive vulpine ears could hear Charlie sobbing in his cabin.

#

The heat in the boiler room was oppressive. The space was dirty and the air stifling. Everything down there burned to the touch. Even the floor radiated heat from the boilers. It felt as if the fires of the hell themselves were what powered the ocean liner.

Stoking the boiler and shoveling away the ash was back breaking work. A team of stokers would shovel the coal, while trimmers dug the coal out of the coal bunkers and dumped it at the stokers' feet. The boilers had to be constantly fed while the ship was under way, so crew members were always on duty below decks.

I shoveled another load of coal into the boiler and paused to rest. The life of a stoker was hard, and if you weren't careful, you'd pass out from over exerting yourself. Even with all the water I drank, sometimes I had to fight to stay conscious. Each four hour shift would leave me so physically drained I would sleep for most of the eight hours between shifts.

I had been thinking about my argument with Charlie from the night before. Trapped in a tin can, only actually living when the ship reached port and I got drunk on my meager wages, that was the life I had told Charlie I wanted for myself.

I scooped up another shovel of coal and threw it through the boiler's open door. Some life I mused to myself as I watched the flames burn in the boiler. My tears came freely then, but nobody noticed them during the shift. I got too close to the boiler at one point, and I could hear my tears sizzle as they stuck the hot metal and evaporated.

The boilers burned, but their heat couldn't burn away my fear and regret. The one I loved just wanted to be with me, and I couldn't get the courage up to see that through.

#

I quietly ran a comb through my damp fur, trying to get more coal dust out of it. It looked less dingy then it usually did, but it would take more than a quick wash to get all of the dust out of my fur. I looked at myself in the small mirror I owned. The red fox in the mirror looked tired.

I stretched as best I could sitting on my bunk. My body was sore, but I ignored it. Now was not the time for sleep. I got up from my bunk and glanced around at some of my other compatriots. They were sprawled in their bunks. The wolf on our shift, Clancy, was already snoring lightly. Some of the others were playing cards.

"I'm going to go get some fresh air lads," I said to no one in particular and headed towards the ladder that lead to the main part of the ship. A few of them nodded, and I climbed up the ladder.

I walked down one of the corridors of the ship, until I reached a set of stairs. After climbing them, I exited out a doorway onto the ship's deck. Most of the deck space was reserved for the first and second class passengers. A small section, located forward on the ship, was reserved for the use of the third class passengers and the crew.

I inhaled the cold North Atlantic air. The chill of the frigid air made me shiver. Even though it was spring, the air was still biting. The breeze blowing across the deck ruffled my fur. I pulled my light coat tight around myself. It was almost deserted out on deck. A few third class passengers were out taking in the air, but none of the crew were out. I walked over to the railing and looked out over the water. The moon was rising over the horizon, a crescent of silver reflecting on the water.

Gingerly, I pulled out the note from Charlie and unfolded it. I reread it again.

Liam,

I know you told me you never wanted to see me again, but I can't rest. My heart aches from the loss of you in my life. Please, I don't care how indecent it is, you are my star, my sun. I can't bear to be without you. If you can bring your heart to come see me, I am in cabin B23.

Yours,

Charlie

The proper thing to do would be to take the note and throw it into the ocean, to let go of this wild fantasy and return to the normalcy of my life. Hard work, hard drinking, and hopefully a burial back in Ireland in the family plot when my luck ran out.

I walked over towards the entrance to the deck the third class passengers used and entered. Near the door, I found one of the third class stewards. Most of the third class passengers slept in basic cabins, four to a room. A few, who could only afford the lowest level of accommodation, slept in bunks like the crew did. They still had stewards, but they provided only a minimal amount of service to the passengers. I asked the man where I could find the nearest ship's telephone and was directed to one nearby.

After speaking to the operator, my call was routed through to cabin B23. The phone rang twice, while I held my breath, before he answered it.

"Charlie Bartholomew Patters speaking," he said in his prim, proper voice.

"I'm down on t'e well deck in the front of t'e ship, where the t'ird class passengers take t'eir air. If ya want to talk to me, come down."

"Liam?" The official voice he'd used to answer the phone was gone. A different, hopeful yet apprehensive voice had replaced his earlier tone.

"Forward well deck." I said. "I'll be here for the next twenty minutes." I then reached up and hung up the receiver. Satisfied, I walked back out onto the deck and checked my watch, 8:43.

I yawned feeling the tiredness tugging at my consciousness. Twenty minutes, that was all. I just had to wait for twenty minutes and if he didn't come, we could be over. The fear gripped at me, but I willed it down. Twenty minutes, and I could go back to my old life with a clear conscious.

About fifteen minutes later, I was staring over the railing, watching the moon reflect on the water when someone slid up next to me.

"You don't give me much time you know." said Charlie, his voice low.

"It was enough," I said turning to look at the wolf. Underneath his coat, he had on a nice shirt with silver cufflinks peeking out from under the sleeves. The coat he wore was fairly nondescript, probably selected so as not to draw to much attention to himself.

"Why here?" asked the wolf.

I shrugged. "I wasn't going to invite ya down to t'e crew quarters. T'is seemed nice enough."

"You're shivering," the wolf said.

"I'll be fine."

Charlie reached out and wrapped an arm around me.

"Someone might see us ya know," I said.

"I'm not planning to get you naked here. Anyway, times are changing. No one is going to say anything."

"I've heard about t'at playwright t'ey prosecuted for homosexuality a few years back. T'at doesn't show England as being a very forgiving society to what t'ey consider a transgression."

Charlie snorted. "They only prosecuted him cause he was sleeping with a lord's son. He sued for slander when the lord called him a sodomite, and it spiraled out from there."

"Aye, so should I be concerned about ya father finding out about me now?"

The wolf's ears flicked. "Father is so old at this point, he has trouble remembering my scent. Age has not been kind to him."

"Still, ours is the love t'at dare not speak its name," I said.

"Then perhaps England isn't the place to go. I hear the weather is quite pleasant in San Francisco."

I squirmed. "Who said I would go anywhere with ya?"

"Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself. Why are we here then Liam?"

I sighed. "It's not t'at I don't understand what ya want Charlie. It's just t'at I don't see how it could ever work between us. We're from such different stations in life."

"Let's think of it in another way," said the wolf. "What do you have to lose by taking the risk?"

"I confess, very little really. Why would ya want to take the risk t'ough?"

"You do know they print the first class passenger list in the paper before the ship sails right? Mothers of eligible daughters scan the list and arrange for their daughters to travel to New York when the right bachelors are sailing. I was introduced tonight over dinner to a wonderful wolf. She has the most beautiful pelt, and is desperate to find herself a husband. This happens every time I travel, sometimes multiple times a trip. I have to fake enough interest to not be rude but still let them know I'm just not interested in them."

"Really?"

"Oh yes. They work hard to arrange a meeting. They show their assets as flatteringly as they can, but you can only touch if you slip a ring on their finger. These woman want social status, and they will do whatever it takes to get it."

"I never would have guessed ya were t'at sought after."

"At this point, I'm thinking a few unsavory rumors about my person would at least let them all get the hint," said the wolf lewdly. "They could at least know to stop wasting their time."

I chuckled. "Once ya tarnish your reputation, ya can never get it back."

"True," said the wolf. "I would become a pariah for what is wrong with society."

"I think ya see why I keep my tastes quiet."

We lapsed into silence then, standing at the railing. The wind whipped at our faces as the rising moon watched us silently.

"We should seek some shelter, Liam," said Charlie, "You're still shivering."

I looked up at the wolf, and then looked back out over the water. Why was it so much easier for him to let me into his life, then for me to let him into mine?

"Alright," I said after a moment.

Charlie let go of me and turned towards the entrance he'd come through. I followed him inside. Instead of heading towards one of the lower class passenger areas, he led us down the hall toward the first class cabins.

We passed only one passenger and a few stewards. I recognized the steward from last night in the hallway near the wolf's cabin, but he didn't come up. Instead he watched us from a discrete distance.

"Will you come in?" asked Charlie.

I drew myself up. "If it pleases ya, sir."

Charlie cocked an eyebrow. When I made a gesture down the hallway, he smirked.

"Let them talk," he said opening the door and waiting for me to enter the cabin.

I walked into the room, and Charlie followed me in.

#

The Irish whiskey we had gotten from the steward was the most expensive bottle I had ever tasted in my life. I sniffed at the glass cautiously.

"It's good," said the wolf, putting his glass down after taking a sip.

"I've drunk a lot of rotgut in my day ya know," I said finally taking a sip. The whiskey went down smooth and warmed my stomach, driving from my body the final remnants of the chill from outside. "T'is is excellent."

Charlie smiled and leaned over, ears erect. "I'm glad you approve."

"You don't have to spoil me ya know," I said to the wolf.

The wolf shrugged. "I appreciate a good drink."

I sat back and eyed him over my glass. "Do ya really think t'is can work?" I asked him.

"Why not?" said Charlie, ears flicking at the question.

"It's just t'at we're so far apart in what we expect in life. T'is is nice, but it's not me."

The wolf sighed. "I think it can. We just need to find a way. Please Liam, be optimistic."

I put down the glass. "T'en don't try to impress me with the things I've never had in life."

Charlie was silent. He kept his ears up, but he quietly put down the glass of whiskey.

"What would you have me do then?"

I sighed. "I don't know."

Charlie stood up and walked over to me and reached out a hand. I took it and was pulled up to a standing position. Charlie looked down at me, amber eyes searching me face before he leaned forward to kiss me.

I felt myself go limp against the wolf. I looked into the wolf's eyes and saw his need, the longing and desire that burned within Charlie. I wanted to cry out, but I muffled my response. Slowly, trembling, I started to unbutton Charlie's shirt. The wolf ran his paws tenderly along my shoulders and gently nuzzled himself up against me.

"I've missed seeing you so badly, Liam," whispered Charlie into my right ear.

I slowly slid my hands down into Charlie's pants, and the wolf grunted softly. I unbuttoned Charlie's trousers. The wolf made no move to undress me and instead leaned in to kiss me again. It was soft and passionate, and he held me against himself for a minute, before letting me go.

I let Charlie's trousers and underwear fall to the floor. Charlie led me over to the stateroom's bedroom. It was a small room with dark carved paneling, but as I sank down on the large feather bed, it felt more luxurious then anything I had ever slept on before. Slowly the wolf unbuttoned my rough cotton shirt, trailing his fingers through my stomach fur.

I flicked my tail, letting it drift across the soft sheets. It felt almost like a dream as Charlie pulled off my clothing and dropped it onto the rich carpeting.

"You seem somewhat hesitant, Liam," said Charlie noticing my slow motions as he cupped my balls.

"T'is isn't the type of surrounding I'm used to seeing ya naked in. It's very opulent compared to the normal locations of our trysts."

"Does it matter?" asked the wolf. "Any place you are with me makes that place special."

"No," I said as I started to pull back the wolf's sheath and leaned down to nuzzle the cock. I darted my tongue across the hardening shaft. Charlie moaned, and then I slowly started to suckle at it.

I took my time and worked on Charlie's shaft. When I was satisfied the wolf was aroused enough, I rolled over on the bed onto all fours and lifted up my tail. Normally I was the top, but the wolf was versatile. Charlie got up on the bed after getting some lube and started to take me. The wolf was hungry for me, hungry for his release, and I let him have it.

Our love making could be passionate and loud at times, but it was quiet this time. I felt each stroke of the wolf's member, and tried to burn the memory of it into my mind. Each thrust, each pant from Charlie, caused my ears to quiver. I felt as if I was in a dream watching myself getting pounded on the bed.

Yet even though I wanted this, I felt a great sadness welling up inside myself. My body responded to his caresses, and I could feel my own heat and need along with his, but I felt detached from it, almost as if another fox was on the bed and I was watching him intently.

Charlie's urgent panting came quicker now. I closed my eyes and rode the wave of need in his body. I felt the strokes and the quick final jerks of the wolf before he came, letting go of himself. I was so caught up in the sensation, I barely felt my own body as it reached its climax. Together, we sunk back onto the bed. The musky sent of male sex filling the room. Tenderly, Charlie wrapped his arms around me and held me. His tongue and muzzle gently teased the tips of my ears.

I was quiet, keeping my back to the wolf, trying to keep him from noticing the tears leaking out from around my closed eyes.

#

I stirred and checked the time on the clock next to the bed. It was just past three in the morning. I had to be back on duty in a little under an hour. I got up and started to dress, picking up my discarded clothes from the floor.

"Where are you going?" came the groggy voice of the wolf.

"I have to be back on duty in under an hour," I said slipping my shirt on and starting to button it up

"You don't have to go," said Charlie.

"If I want to keep my job, I do."

There was silence. In the dark room I could see Charlie shift and prop himself up.

I went over and sat down next to the wolf, draping an arm around him. The scent of what we'd done earlier clung to the sheets and wrapped around us.

"Rest now," I said. "I will see ya later." I knew I was lying, but the wolf didn't know that. Charlie gently nuzzled up against me, and when I heard his breathing change into a steady relaxed flow, I got up gently and slipped out of the bedroom.

#

Back on deck, I stood by the railing where we had stood together earlier in the evening looking out over the ice cold water. The moon's position had changed and it was slowly starting to fall out of the sky. It was now completely deserted on deck. Glancing up towards the wheel house, I could see that the crew running the ship were awake, but nobody was going to be watching a lone figure like myself out on deck.

I reached out and grabbed hold of the cold railing, tears welling up in my eyes. My heart ached with what I was about to do. Slowly, I stepped up and swung one leg over the railing. I had left a message for Charlie in the parlor of the state room; the words of which still echoed within my head.

Dear Charlie,

As much as I wish there was, there is no place for people like us in this world. Maybe there will be someday, but not now. I have lived the shame I was born into with pride all these years. I do not know why you wish to bring our shame to light in a world such as yours. In the end, I don't have the strength to see it through. I regret only that I have to walk away from you this final time in order for us to find peace.

Goodbye and with all my love,

Liam

Trembling, I held tight onto the railing as I swung the rest of my body over it. Charlie would be devastated, but I hoped he would heal. I held onto the railing, both feet on the edge of the deck under the railing. The wind whipped at my face, causing my tears to feel like ice against my fur. Nobody was out in the chill night to stop me, so I waited till my body stopped trembling. I wasn't sure if the fall would kill me, but the freezing waters of the North Atlantic would claim me quickly.

"If you jump," came a pained voice behind me, "I'm jumping after you."

I felt my blood chill at the sound of his voice. "You're supposed to be asleep," I said.

"I was lying in bed after you left and something didn't feel right. I got up and found your note waiting for me."

I didn't move. I didn't twitch. I just clung to the outside of the railing.

"Please Liam, please don't do this," the wolf cried.

"I won't bring ya the shame of what being with me entails."

"The shame you would bring me? The shame I bring myself you mean? The shame of being something that society doesn't understand." The wolf laughed coldly. "I don't care if they run my name through the papers for the crime of being a sodomite. What I care about is you Liam. You and you alone."

I looked out over the cold North Atlantic waters the ship was steaming through. I spoke softly. "I'm not strong enough Charlie."

"Come back over the railing Liam. We'll find that strength together."

"Why should I?" I said, my voice trembling as I tried to steady my mind. My fear gripped at my chest.

"Cause without you, I'll be lost Liam. Damn all of Britannia and her social norms. I know who I love, and it's you."

I willed myself to swing one of my legs over the railing, and then the other. The moment I had put both paws down onto the other side of the deck, I sank towards the ground and Charlie rushed up to me. He wrapped his arms around me.

"Promise me you never do something like this again."

"I won't," came my soft, tired voice.

Charlie started crying. "I don't want to lose you Liam"

I sobbed against the wolf. "I love ya Charlie, but I'm scared about what will happen to us."

"Don't be. We just need to true to ourselves, and everything will work out. Do you trust me?"

It was such a simple question. One I had never really thought about. "Yes," I whispered.

"If you will have me by your side, we will find our future in this world, together."

I looked at the wolf. I had always thought of Charlie as someone unlike anyone I knew. Someone from beyond my world. Now, with him crying over me, I realized no matter how much social status he had, he was still just like me. The same fears that ran through my life, ran through his.

"Yes," I gulped trying to hold down my tears. "I wouldn't have it any other way." I grasped his paws in mine. "Together."