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LAST TIME ON ZOMBIES ARE WANKERS: Things went wrong, after Albus's most common non-gender-binary sexual AND romantic fantasy coming to life and finding him turned out to be less sexy and less pleasant than he thought

Quickly, Albus and Morrigan set off to nowhere in particular, with that being addressed by Albus: "I'm mainly following you. I used to live in a trailer converted into a cozy apocalypse home, but I wandered off and got lost, and I think I'll just travel on foot like this from here on out. I like it better, and I left because I was looking for gas, because I ran out. That means that I'm better off walking, because then all the fuel you need is maybe maple syrup" before taking a big swig of maple syrup. "What the fuck are you doing!?" Morrigan shouted, with a voice and face that reeked of disgust. "This is just something that I normally do. What's wrong with drinking syrup or honey? Why do you HAVE to only use it as a condiment?" he replied, perplexed by the utter irrationality and blandness of normal folk (wink wink fellow furs. We're better than normal people, so saying we are normal, I think, is an insult to the community), before remarking "Normal people are so weird. And why is personal space a thing? If someone's being all friendly to you, and there's no way they can attack you by getting too close, then what's wrong with just being near them? Why do people not want hugs from strangers? It's someone being friendly to you when they don't even know you, and they might even be afraid of you if they know what you are, and they might be rightfully so. Is it because you're somehow angry when people show good qualities you're incapable of?"

With a look of barely-held-back, pent-up rage upon her face, Morrigan shouted "YOU ARE NOT HAVING SEX WITH ME TONIGHT!!!". "I didn't even ask yet, I think! I am PRETTY SURE that I just complimented you on how desirable you are, at least to me. Why can't normal people take compliments? Why do some compliments get people in jail sometimes?" Morrigan then unveiled slightly a muzzle, mostly made of metal, and Albus then bluntly and blindly blurted "you know that'll just turn me on, right?". "It's not about how you feel, so your little fetishes are fucking irrelevant. It's about how I feel, and you just haven't shut the hell up any of the times you could and should have, and that would be MOST OF WHEN YOU WERE TALKING." she said to him, in a low but intimidating voice. She then strapped the muzzle on, and that was when he completely forgot about how to act more civilized than a wild animal, got on his knees, and started dry humping her leg and panting. She knocked him to the ground, took the muzzle off, and demanded an explanation. One came when he shouted "OH MY GOD YOU TURN ME ON SO MUCH WITH EVERYTHING YOU DO PLEASE MAKE ME YOUR WHORE!!!", bringing her to ask loudly "HOW MUCH OF A PERVERT ARE YOU!?". He then partially regained control of himself, and answered "As much of one as you want me to be, mistress" Morrigan then put a leash on him, having given no reason as to why she, as a lone traveler, had such BDSM gear on her person, told him "It would be kind of you to keep calling me that", and helped him back onto his feet.

Eventually, they came across a cornfield filled with zombies, parch-dry dirt and flammably dead corn stalks. They were on one side of the street, and it was on the other. On the other side of the cornfield was a farm that, from what they could see with Morrigan's binoculars, was still very much in operation, being powered by several very large wind turbines. It took a fucking zombie apocalypse to make us embrace environmentally-friendly energy sources before we made Earth uninhabitable. For fuck's sake, conservatives! That made Albus very happy, even more happy than the normal-levels-of-increased-satisfaction Morrigan. "For one thing, how do you like the nickname Morry? For another thing,", as he started drooling while looking through the binoculars, "They must h-have...fresh, unspoiled bacon, sausage, steak, burgers, mutton and even fried chicken....aaaaaaggguuuhhhgg....They might even have fresh, unspoiled, Calcium-licious miiiiiilk...that's just so fucking a-aahhh-ooooKAY THEN!" he said, that last part coming from when his horny mind drifted from thoughts of regular milk to thoughts of titty milking and drinking the milk.

And her nipples are poking through her shirt, and they are very, VERY erect. Lovely. Of all the times for this to finally happen. __I wonder if she would like me to suck on her nipples, sucking out the milk as she moans with pleasure..._And then he noticed that his boner was pressing painfully against the hillside. _Okay okay okay just think about math think about math think of some polynomials to factor and fast! he thought, as Morry asked "What's with the deep and heavy breathing, severe and obvious blushing, shakiness, and raging stiffie? What EXACTLY did your mind drift off to from thinking about a warm fucking glass of milk?" He then answered with another question, trying to sound smart while being too aroused to think straight for the most part. "What sexually appealing body part can milk come from?", he asked, before she replied "Earn it, and you'll get it later. For now, see how many you can take out from here with that sniper rifle of yours.", leading him to finally look down the sights when she spotted one for him. As he took his shot, and the zombie's head exploded into gore, he exclaimed "OHHHH GIB'D BITCH! Also, would you LIKE it if I milked your tits?" She then went "I might. I haven't tried that particular kind of kink yet. Also, there are five more out there, and they're there, there, there, there, and there", pointing to them. As Albus picked them off one by one, he asked again about the nickname Morry, and told a story about how, just a bit before the onset of adolescence, his mother left him alone with a babysitter that looked rather hot, and either somehow thought that a 9-year-old would still need to be breast-fed, or really shouldn't have become a babysitter. "Since I first had sexual thoughts, I've been secretly indulging that fetish in my fantasies", he said as he fired one round into the crotch of a zombie, and another into its head. "Why are you being so open with me? Also, it looks like it's time to get the fuck moving on over there" she asked and then stated. As he got up and started walking, he answered with "Because for one thing, I can't keep a secret for shit, and for another thing, I don't want to hide something like that from someone I'll probably be around for a long time".

NEXT TIME ON ZOMBIES ARE WANKERS: They find quite snarky comment-worthy things on that farm