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Chapter 10

Ah, what good does it do me to reminisce about the supremely shitty life I had, now that the final curtain hangs over me? I don't know, yet I can't help it either. I guess it's just inevitable. Then again, all the things that happened to me are what brought me to this point of no return. Maybe my broken spirit just wants to remind itself of the reason why I'm standing at the very threshold of eternal rest right now. Yeah, that's got to be it.

So, where was I?

Ah, yes. Me lying in Adelaide's arms after suffering through the worst kind of abuse a woman can experience in the hands of a man.

Like I said, it took me about an hour to even begin to calm down. Adelaide remained with me all that time, patiently sharing the soothing warmth of her company with me through nothing but her embrace. I remember wondering at one point if she was holding me like she wished someone did when the same thing happened to her, following her own 'initiation' a couple years prior. Somehow, I figured that was exactly it.

A few moments after I had stopped sobbing, she finally broke her silence. “Would you like to take a bath?" she tentatively asked. “It helped me back in the day, so I think it might help you too."

I just nodded wordlessly, still shaken.

“Alright then. Let's get you to the bathroom," she said in her soft, gentle voice as she stood up.

She then extended one hand towards me, which I took after a brief moment of hesitation, thus finally allowing her to help me back on my feet.

After straightening up my clothes a bit, Adelaide guided me to the bathroom. We passed some of the other 'maids' along the way, and I couldn't help but cast my gaze downwards every time. In fact, I pretty much wished I was invisible, so that no one could see my overwhelming shame. Still, I could tell that they all knew exactly what had just happened to me, which was probably why they too kept silent as I passed by. I guess it was their way of showing me pity without pitying me, if that makes sense.

Adelaide waited outside the bathroom as I submerged myself in the tub, letting the water do its best to try and clean my hopelessly sullied body. Ah, if only it could have washed away the tormenting memories of that man's gross hands, which I could still feel everywhere on me. Alas, no amount of soap or water could make me feel clean again. I still tried, though. I scrubbed myself many, many times, in a vain attempt to get those nauseating memories off me.

Once I had enough of sitting in that tub, I stepped out of it, wrapped a towel around me, and let Adelaide guide me back to my bedroom. However, she suddenly changed her mind along the way, and decided it would be best to take me to her bedroom instead. “I think it will help not going back to where... you know," she said, sensibly trailing off. I just gave her a wordless nod again for an answer. I didn't really think it mattered much which room I went to, but I could see how her reasoning made sense.

Soon, I found myself standing in Adelaide's bedroom. It looked identical to the room I had been in, except without the stench of Mr. Raoul's cologne defiling it. That... actually made all the difference in the world, to be honest. My sense of smell definitely appreciated it.

Adelaide then handed me a clean change of clothes, then turned away as I got into them. Even at that point I was still in a sort of shocked daze, just going through the motions. Within my head, random bits of the whole ordeal kept flashing by. One part I kept recalling was when Mr. Raoul had said: 'You'll be thoroughly tamed either way, just like Adelaide and the others. And just like them, you'll too kneel before me and call me Master.' Then I remembered Adelaide calling him that when she desperately begged him not to put his hands on me.

“How..." I suddenly began in something of a low, broken rumble, balling my quivering hands into fists. “How can you call him Master?"

Adelaide was a bit shocked at first. I guess she wasn't expecting those to be my first words after being silent for so long. Regardless, her expression soon dropped as a shadow of sorrow fell over her face.

“It's... It's not like we have a choice," she mournfully said. “He owns us, and when you don't comply with his demands to his satisfaction, he makes sure you regret it."

“He owns you? How— how can you even say something like that without retching in disgust??"

She sighed, closing her downcast eyes shut.

“Whether we like it or not, this is our lot in life, Natalie. This is what we have to do in order to survive in this corrupt world with... with the rotten hand we've been dealt. Because, at the end of the day, we still have our lives, so we have to survive. Yes, as long as our hearts still beat, we must survive at all costs; even if it means swallowing our pride and surrendering our bodies to them. Otherwise, they win."

“So you just... gave up?" I asked, still refusing to believe there was no other way. “You'd rather call him Master and let him use you as he pleases?"

“It's either that or getting beaten to a pulp! I— We're just trying our best to survive here! It's not our fault we don't have any other choices!"

I was about to raise my voice in response to that, but then I noticed her eyes. They were glistening with welled-up tears of profound pain and frustration. It was a picture that spoke a thousand words, and the sight of it shut me up very quickly.

For a moment, there was only silence between us. Eventually, once she had composed herself, I opened my mouth again:

“I'm not staying here one minute longer, Adelaide," I quietly said. “I'm leaving, and you should too."

“We can't leave," she replied, sitting down next to me. “Mr. Raoul's men are everywhere, and they're always alert, especially around the exits. Myself, I lost count of how many times I had tried to run away in the past. Of course, I got caught every single time. And it was the same with the other girls too. Trust me: no matter how sneaky you think you can be, nothing escapes their notice."

“I don't care. I'm leaving anyway. You just watch me."

Before she could say anything else, I took off running. Determined to get out of that infernal place, I quickly made my way through all those fancy corridors, headed for the foyer. One flight of stairs later, the exit was in sight! I ran towards it with all I had, and then...

Yeah, one of those gorilla-like men clad in black suits and shades jumped out of nowhere and blocked my path. Without saying a word, or even so much as changing his perpetually stoic countenance, that goon grabbed me and knocked the wind out of my sails with an expertly delivered punch to the gut. Then he hoisted me over his shoulder and unceremoniously tossed me back in my room, where I remained doubled over in agony for like an hour or so. I didn't even try a second time that day.

“Yeah... In this mansion, all walls have ears, and there are eyes around every corner. I, too, learned that the hard way," Adelaide said as she carefully helped me through the pain. “Then again, we all had tried to escape at least once, but no one has ever made it. Eventually, we all gave up."

Well, I wasn't ready to give up just yet, although I understood that running away wouldn't be easy. Escaping from the orphanage back in the day was one thing, but the security in Mr. Raoul's mansion was on an entirely different level. Swiping a key wouldn't do me any good if those huge gorilla men were always there, guarding every exit at all times.

“H...how is this even happening?" I asked once I could breathe normally again. “D-does no one outside know what that horrible man is doing here? And— and what are the police even doing? Did they really never notice anything either?"

“Oh, they know," Adelaide said matter-of-factly. “The thing is, Mr. Raoul and his associates pay them handsomely to look the other way. So, in other words, he and his secret society partners are well above the law. They can do anything they want, as they know no one will ever come after them. That's just how powerful they are."

I was speechless. I just couldn't grasp how anyone could commit whatever atrocities they wanted and get away with it like that. But that's exactly what was going on with Mr. Raoul. Well, I guess it's true that money really makes the world go around. 'So this is what he meant when he said that he and his friends are more powerful than the king of Roud,' I thought to myself back then. 'Jesus Christ... No wonder Adelaide and the others had all given up. I mean, h-how does one even begin to fight that kind of power?'

That was a question I didn't have an answer for at the time, and I still don't. Maybe it just doesn't have one. Well, whatever the case, the next few hours went by faster than I would have liked. I remember telling Adelaide about Abuela Olga at some point that afternoon, and how much I regretted ever leaving her side. Then, before I could realize how long it had been since noon, Mr. Raoul was back in the room, just as he had promised.

“I've been told you had quite an eventful afternoon, my dear!" he said through that odious smile of his. “Good for you! Please do keep trying! Not only does it give my men something to do, but it also helps you realize how futile your efforts to escape truly are! Needless to say, the sooner you get that useless rebellious streak out of your system, the better!"

“S-stay away from me, you monster!" I exclaimed.

“Ohohohoh; oh, my! I'm afraid that is no way to speak to your master, Natalie. Ah, well. I suppose I'll simply have to put you in your place again, which is very much fine by me..."

As Mr. Raoul began to make his way towards me, Adelaide tried to stop him by getting in his way and offering herself to him. She even bared her chest before that horrible man in an attempt to divert his attention away from me, but it was to no avail. Just like in the morning, a couple of Mr. Raoul's black-suited goons quickly dragged her out of the room, leaving me alone with that smiling bastard again.

And again he had his way with me.

I tried to resist, of course, but it was like he was always two steps ahead of me. The disarming terror his very presence instilled in me didn't help either. In the end, just like the first time, I was as helpless as a lamb in a slaughterhouse. And, by the time it was over, I was reduced once more to a broken mess of ravaged clothes and tears.

Once he had left and Adelaide was allowed back in, I found myself crying in her arms again, eyes tightly closed. “Why?" I eventually asked in a sort of broken, whispering wail as the torn pieces of my soul kept streaming down my cheeks. “Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?"

“It's not your fault," Adelaide tried. “You didn't do anything wrong. That night, he just... happened to pass by that clinic by pure chance, I think. Knowing him, he must have noticed you right away, even from inside his coach. Then, once he saw how distraught you were over what was happening with your grandmother, he went and took advantage of that to lure you into his trap. Because that's what he does: he preys on us when we are at our most vulnerable. You just couldn't know that at the time, Natalie."

Yeah, I guess I couldn't know what kind of monster Mr. Raoul actually was. Or could I? Maybe if I had listened to that little voice inside me that kept noticing all the red flags around him... Regardless, Adelaide told me many times that I should never blame myself over what happened that night, but the truth is... I find it very hard not to do it anyway. After all, I just had so many opportunities to turn tail and flee. But once I had stepped into his blasted coach, it was all over for me.

After a few moments of silence, and as my tears slowly dried, I had a sudden realization that shook my very being to the core. “W-what if... he gets me pregnant?" I thought aloud, horrified at that prospect. “I... I don't want to bear his child!"

“Oh," Adelaide exclaimed, revealing some uneasiness in her voice. “That, uh... T-that's not going to happen."

“Huh? W...what do you mean?"

“I..." she nervously began, looking away. “N-none of us can bear his, or anyone else's child."

“Adelaide, what are you talking about? Why are you saying that we can't bear children?" I demanded, trying to meet her downcast gaze.

“Oh, God... H-how do I even begin to explain this?" she said, obviously uncomfortable with whatever horrible truth she now had to reveal to me. “Alright, so, uh... the 'initiation,' as the master calls it, is done in two parts..."

'T-the initiation!' I thought to myself as her words suddenly brought to the forefront of my mind something I had forgotten. 'That's— that's right! I remember now! Mr. Raoul had mentioned it this morning! He... He said that the first part of the initiation had already been taken care of! But... he never actually elaborated on that. Or did he? Hmm, no, I don't think he did. Then again, I was only thinking of ways to smash his face in and get the hell out of here before he made a move, so...'

“The first part... is the very reason he put you to sleep as soon as he brought you in," Adelaide continued, making me put my thoughts on hold as I gave her all my attention. “If you recall, I had mentioned something about a 'family physician' seeing you when you were unconscious. Well, that was true... sort of. I mean, a doctor did see you. He was just no family physician, and he didn't prescribe you anything either. I made that part up."

“Right. Because of the whole thing with the sleeping pills," I said aloud without really meaning to.

“Y-yeah, I... Again, I'm sorry for—"

“Oh, I already forgave you, remember? What I'd rather want to know right now is exactly what happened to me after I passed out."

“A-about that..." Adelaide said, still struggling with how to break it to me. “One of Master Raoul's most prominent associates is a sinister doctor named Hans Von Einfern. They say his genius has no equal; too bad he's as brilliant as he is vile. In fact, rumor has it that he was behind the concentration camps in Kreuzland during the war, where countless prisoners got mutilated in the name of science, but no one could ever prove it. At any rate, he's the one who, uh... performs the first part of the 'initiation' whenever the master brings in a new girl."

“What... does he do with us?" I asked, already dreading the answer.

“First, he makes sure that we don't carry any diseases. After all, the last thing the master and his comrades want is to catch something from us. And then..." she trailed off, unsure of how to broach whatever that infamous doctor does next.

“And then what?" I said while bracing myself inwardly.

“W-well, he..." she sighed, then turned to me. “D-do you, by chance, know what a hysterectomy is?"

“A what now?" I blinked, perplexed. “Uh... no, I can't say I've ever heard that word before."

“Yeah, I had never heard it either... until I was brought here. Apparently, that's doctor speak for... cutting out someone's womb."

“...What?" I asked as I tried to process the magnitude of what she had just said.

“He takes our wombs out, Natalie. And he's so good at it he leaves no scars that we can see. But the wound inside still has to heal. Which is why you had to stay in bed for five days, as that's about how long our bodies take to recover from that," she continued while I was still gaping in disbelief. “Without a womb we cannot get pregnant, which makes us the perfect escorts, I guess. But that's not all: I also heard that the doctor puts our wombs in jars and keeps them in his lab, where he then uses them in his freak experiments. What he hopes to accomplish, though, I have no idea."

“So, what you're saying is... I'll never know what it feels like to be a mother," I quietly lamented as I lay down on my bed, finally understanding the extent of what had been taken from me. “Even if I ever got out of here, that future was just... ripped out of my body. Forever."

“I'm sorry," Adelaide simply said, giving me a comforting hug as she lay down next to me. “It was hard for me too. But... we still have to live. No matter what, we must be strong, even if it doesn't feel like it's worth the effort. And we must survive, since our lives are the only thing we have left. After all, where there's life, there's hope; or so I've chosen to believe."

A very absent “Mhm" was all I said to that.

The next day was basically a repeat of the previous one. I tried to escape again, and again I was caught. That earned me two savage blows to my stomach, courtesy of the gorilla-like men in suits. I remember it hurt so much I even puked. Mr. Raoul also raped me twice more: once in the morning, and then again late in the afternoon, just like the day before. And in between all that, Adelaide kept picking up the pieces of my mangled spirit and nursing it back to health as best as she could. It was the same the following day, and the day after that, and so on, and so forth...

Day after day, this morbid parade of misery would trample over me like clockwork, to the point that it all started to become a shapeless blur. Worst of all, I had started to notice that my attempts at fighting my captor off were growing weaker and weaker by the day. Like, I wasn't thrashing about as hard anymore. Exhaustion was taking its toll, I guess, but it was more than that. Namely, a part of my soul was dying with every 'training session,' and there was nothing either Adelaide or I could do about it.

By the end of the third week, it had all become routine. That is to say, it had all become... normal. Resisting was getting me nowhere, so I eventually gave up on that. Instead, I simply let Mr. Raoul do whatever he wanted with me, and I just waited it out. It was easier that way. Ah, and I had stopped crying too. Either I had run out of tears to shed, or I just got used to 'being put in my place' time and time again. Maybe both.

“Who am I?" Mr. Raoul asked me one day.

“You're my master," I replied as I stared vacantly at the carpeted floor under my feet.

“And who are you?"

“I'm your humble servant."

“That you are, indeed. And what is your purpose?"

“My purpose is to surrender my body to you whenever you wish it, for it's yours to do with as you please."

“Well said, my dear! Certainly it took a while, but it looks like you're finally ready!"

And that's how I got tamed.

Yeah, over the course of those three weeks he took all the fight out of my worn, tired body, and broke me — just as he had promised. Thus, I became something of a doll with barely any will of its own, that only existed to satisfy the sinful lust of its master. And so I found myself standing in my all-new 'maid' clothes, with the gleam of life I once had in my eyes completely gone; ready to do my master's bidding. Was I even Natalie anymore? I don't know. I really, really don't.

Regardless, my duties as an escort started soon after.

Sigh...

The Blue Diamond Fellowship. That's the name of the secret society Master Raoul belongs to. All its members are renowned aristocrats in positions of power, such as judges from the Supreme Court, notable noblemen, big-name politicians, rich bankers, conglomerate bigwigs, military leaders, and whatnot. Together, they really hold more power than the Crown. Oh, and they're all men, every single one of them. Shocking, I know.

Once a week, a number of those people gather in Master Raoul's mansion wearing ballroom masks — I think that's what they call the fancy kind that only covers the eyes. Anyway, I'm guessing they use them to uphold a pretense of anonymity, so that they can be as immoral as they want to be while protecting the purity of their immaculate personas. It's bullshit, but I suppose molesting us — young women who could easily be their daughters or even granddaughters — somehow doesn't count when they're wearing those stupid masks.

Adelaide, the other girls and I, in our role as escorts, had to sit with them and essentially listen to them trying to impress us by rambling non-stop about their amazing achievements and stuff — all while pretending to be wowed by the big, self-important words they pompously spouted, no matter how patronizing or condescending they could be (because of fucking course they couldn't help talking down to us). But, anyway, that was only half of it. The other half was... the truly gross part.

Once they thought we were impressed enough, they'd pull us closer to them. And then they'd grope our breasts through our clothes, or maybe slide a hand up our thighs, all while wearing these lecherous grins than could make anyone retch in disgust. But we... had to let them do as they pleased, because that was our duty. Our bodies were theirs to touch, and we had to smile through it all. Oh, and if they guided our hands to their crotches, tough luck. Whenever that happened, we had to grit our teeth, put on our smiles, and stroke their junk like they expected us to. All part of the job.

But sometimes even that wasn't enough for them.

Yeah. Lying down with them was also part of the job. There were private rooms for that and all. Because, as it turned out, a surprising number of those powerful people just never got any from their wives. Which is why they unleashed their bottled-up lust on us instead. After all, we weren't allowed to say no, no matter how much we wanted to. Also, and this goes without saying: anything that happened in Master Raoul's mansion, stayed in Master Raoul's mansion.

It all was... beyond disgusting. Behind my smile, I hated it. I hated it all. I hated those disgusting pigs and their gross bodies. I hated when they touched me with their pig hands, or licked me with their pig tongues. And, of course, I especially hated it when they mounted me, sweating and grunting like pigs as they buried their gross pig dicks into me. But none of that could compare to how much I hated myself for letting them use my body however they pleased. Then again, it wasn't like I had any other choice, considering non-compliance meant a forced visit to the 'reeducation room' underground... which was just a glorified torture chamber.

So all I could do was swallow my disgust while I gave those pigs the moans they wanted to hear; even though they were all fake, of course. But there was only so much rotten pig-sex I could stomach before having a catastrophic nervous breakdown. Inevitably, one day I was at my limit. On that day I found myself sitting at the edge of my bed, rocking back and forth as I tried my damndest not to lose my mind right then and there. Thankfully, Adelaide came to my aid before it was too late.

“How do you do it?" I asked her, shaking in her consoling arms. “H-h-how do you keep yourself from going insane in this— this wretched hellhole?"

“I... have a trick," she said. “Whenever I lie down with any of them, I simply retreat to my happy place, where I can't be harmed."

“Your... happy place?"

“Mhm," she nodded. “Of course, it only exists in my mind, but it's as real as I want it to be."

“...What is it like?" I asked after a few moments.

“My happy place... is a forest."

“A forest?"

“Yeah," she said with a smile as she closed her eyes. “It's a beautiful expanse of lush trees and nature that stretches as far as the eye can see, where we can live in harmony with one another, away from the corrupting touch of man. In other words, it's the purest expression of freedom given form. Even though I've only seen it in dreams, I can still imagine myself going there when I close my eyes. And that's my secret, Natalie. That's how I've managed to keep it together all this time."

So that was it. When things got too overwhelming in the real world, she conjured a fantasy forest within the confines of her mind, so that she could hide in it. Well, it certainly was one way of escaping that from which we couldn't physically escape. I mean, yeah, one could say she was only deluding herself, but... if it worked for her, more power to her, right?

“You should try it too," she continued. “Just think of something that makes you happy, and hold onto it. For me it was a forest, but for you it could be... I don't know, maybe a fond memory of when you lived with your grandmother?"

“I guess..." I said, suddenly wondering whether Abuela Olga — whom I hadn't seen since I was abducted — was even still alive or not.

“Well, whichever memory you choose, make sure to turn it into the anchor that keeps you from losing sight of who you really are. You just have to tie your identity to it, so that you can never forget that you're still Natalie, okay? Once you do it, you'll have created a happy place of your very own — a safe haven where you can be free."

Ah, a safe haven. Some magical land where no one could ever hurt me. If only such a place actually existed... But since that isn't the case, I suppose imagining one really is the next best thing. Regardless, thinking of my abuela soon got me wondering about something else...

“Addie?" I began after a moment of companionable silence.

“Yeah?"

“I was thinking, and... Well, I realized that I had told you all about my grandmother — who was my only family, since I never met my parents, and I didn't care that we weren't actually related by blood... But I don't think you've told me anything about your own family yet."

“Oh," she quietly exclaimed. “Well, my parents are sadly gone. They caught the bubonic plague and died when I was eighteen, about a month before Master Raoul found me. I had no other relatives, so... Oh! Actually, wait here. I'll be right back."

Adelaide rushed out of the room before I could say anything. But then, only a few moments later, she was back. And she was holding something in her hands.

“Here," she said as she handed me that object. “Master Raoul let me keep it in exchange for my complete submission."

I studied the item in my hands. It appeared to be some sort of little box made of bronze; with a long, thin chain hanging from it. The sides of the box were decorated with gorgeous engravings resembling flowers. “What is it?" I asked, taken by its mysterious beauty.

“It's an antique pendant!" Adelaide explained, smiling. “It belonged to my parents, but that's not all. Here, look."

She then pressed a tiny button that I hadn't even noticed, which caused the pendant to open, revealing a portrait featuring one man and one woman.

“Those are my parents," Addie exclaimed, happy to share that with me. “They might be gone, but at least I still have that to remember them by."

“Your mother... was beautiful," I said, gingerly touching the portrait as though it was a holy relic. “I think you got her eyes."

“Heh, that's what most people say!"

“And her hair too. I mean— Oh!"

Despite all my care, the portrait fell off the pendant right at that moment.

“I— I'm sorry! I didn't—!"

“It's fine, don't worry about it! Happens all the time!" Adelaide assured me as she picked up the portrait. “It just needs some glue or something, I guess."

“O...okay, if you say so..." I said, still a bit mortified. But then, just as I was handing the pendant back to her, I noticed something in the spot where the portrait had been. “Huh? What's this? A keyhole?"

Yep, it was a keyhole, alright.

“Ah, yes," said Addie. “I don't really know what that is, as we never had the key for it. But if you shake the pendant..."

She shook it a bit to demonstrate. Sure enough, something rattled inside.

“Yeah. I'm guessing it's some kind of pebble, but chances are we'll never know for sure," she said with a shrug as she put the little portrait back in its place. Then she just closed the pendant and put it away. “Still, to be honest, I don't really care all that much about that. As long as the portrait of my parents is fine, I'm fine, and that's all that matters."

“Right," I nodded. “But anyway, thanks for sharing that with me. I... I really appreciate it."

“Ah, it was nothing!" she said, smiling. “After all, you're my family now too."

And then she left.

As for me, I stayed perfectly still where I was, endlessly reliving the warm smile Addie had given me when she said that last thing: 'You're my family now too.' I was beyond touched. Yeah, I guess we had gotten really close over time. Close enough for her to deem me family, at least. Then again, she was always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. That's what family does, right? They give you refuge in their arms when you need it most. In fact, come to think of it, I would have never survived even the first week in that place if it wasn't for her. Oh, I owe her so, so much...

'I— I think... I think you're my happy place, Adelaide.'

Needless to say, I kept that thought to myself.

Regardless, time continued to pass. As weeks turned to months, Addie and I kept being each other's rock through it all. Because, yes, there were times when not even her happy place was enough to keep her from breaking. But she always had me, just like I always had her. In the end, I guess we had both become each other's last line of defense against the crushing reality of our miserable lives.

Yeah, she was strong when I was weak, and vice versa. That way, happy place or not, we both kept surviving for each other's sake. Even when the pig parade never stopped, we still endured the unendurable, because we knew we had to. We had to survive at all costs, if only so that the other wouldn't be left alone in this cruel world.

One and a half years later...

Many of the other girls were no longer with us. Some had been sold, while others had simply snapped, and were quietly disposed of as a result. I remember Master Raoul once caught two of the girls in bed together, naked. He shot them dead on the spot, calling what they had done an abomination. Oh, and three others took their own lives too. But Addie and I still survived. She was twenty-one at the time, and I, nineteen. That was six months ago, actually. Six months before the end...

It began when, one morning, Master Raoul pulled me into one of the rooms that was otherwise off-limits to us. It appeared to be some kind of reception room for guests or something. And speaking of guests, there was a sharply-dressed man in his early sixties waiting inside. One look at him is all it took me to tag him as yet another pig in man's clothing. It's something about their smiles, I swear.

“Natalie, this good gentleman here is Mr. Vert. He's a very important banker in St. Belaroix," Master Raoul explained. “But most importantly, he's your new owner."

“...Wh—what?" I exclaimed, hardly believing what I had just heard.

“Mr. Vert offered me a generous sum for you, and I accepted his proposal," he calmly elaborated. “You belong to him now, my dear. Now go and enjoy your new life as his personal sex slave!"

Before I could realize what was even happening, I was already sitting next to Mr. Vert in his coach, which was well on its way towards Roud City's southern border. Somehow, Mr. Raoul's estate was now a thing of the past, but it didn't feel like an improvement at all. And the worst part is that I wasn't even allowed to say good-bye to Adelaide! They just tied my wrists together, shoved me head-first into that man's coach, and that was it!

Then, as if all that wasn't bad enough, that rich old pig also kept whispering wretched things into my ears...

“Oh, you and I are going to have so much fun together! I can hardly wait to be home already, so that I can undress you and see your naked beauty in all its glory! Ah, yessss, I'm going to touch you everywhere! Mmmmm, my mouth is watering just thinking of all the things I'm going to do with your lewd body, my youthful little flower! And I bet you can't wait either!"

Ugh. I swear they're all the same. Every single one of them.

Still, I can't really say I was paying him much attention. I was just way too busy thinking of Adelaide. It had only been a few minutes, and I was already missing her dearly. Oh, the heartache... How were we going to manage without each other's company? Would I ever see her again? And if not, did I have it in me to keep on living without her? 'Why... Just why did this have to happen?' I forlornly thought to myself as the coach carried me farther and farther away from my Addie. Ahead, only the unknown awaited me, and it was as dark as it was bleak...

So that's how I was brought to St. Belaroix. Not that I ever saw much of the actual village anyway, as Mr. Vert kept me locked in one of the rooms of his house, on a dog's leash and all, so that I wouldn't escape. Then again, he couldn't really afford letting me roam freely around the house since, unlike Mr. Raoul, that rich old banker didn't have an army of goons in suits at his disposal. Of course, he could have easily had one, but he was just too much of a penny-pincher for that — even though he had just paid like a million Gold for me. Yeah, I guess there's no use in trying to make sense of how these pigs think.

Regardless, things couldn't have been worse for me. Not only was I miles away from Adelaide, kept on a tight leash in the clammy hands of a disgusting piece of human excrement, but I couldn't even see the light of day anymore, trapped as I was in that one room. It didn't have any windows, obviously, and it was very lacking in the way of furnishing as well. After all, sleeping on the cold, hard floor was good enough for the likes of me, right? Although it did have a mirror.

Ah, yes, that thing...

I have no words to explain how much I loathed that one large mirror on the wall. In fact, on my first day in that room I swore to myself that I would never look at it. No matter how much it would beckon me, I would always make sure to keep my gaze away from it. Why? Well, that's because... I was afraid. I was deathly afraid of what it would show me, should I ever dare to gaze into it.

As for Mr. Vert... Yeah, he was the most disgusting pig of them all. Everything about him was revolting. His blotchy old-man skin; his sweaty, flabby flesh; his wrinkly, bony hands; his lecherous drooling tongue... It was all beyond awful. Just— just plain fucking gross. I don't know how I could stomach him mounting me without gagging or puking my guts out. Even with the happy place thing and all, it was just too much.

But resisting wasn't an option. Any resistance, no matter how slight, was promptly met with a round of lashings from his whip. Ah, yes, he had a whip. It was always at the ready, and he had no qualms in using it for 'correcting' any behavior he deemed undesirable in me. As for how much it hurt, uh... Let's just say I quickly learned that it was in my best interest not to make him use it.

In the end, it was all still about enduring the unendurable. That never changed. But I did it! I endured it all! I did it because I had to survive. Or else, what would have Adelaide said? That thought — and that thought alone — was what carried me through the repulsive horror-fest of having sex with that repellent man-swine almost every day.

Somehow, I made it through six months of that without losing my mind. Or maybe I had already lost it, and just hadn't realized yet. Whatever the case, by September of that year, I was basically just a pale shadow of my former self. I had simply lost all my will to live. The memory of Addie's smile was pretty much the only thing keeping me tethered to this plane of existence anymore.

And then, one day, the pig made a mistake.

If I recall well, that day he was having dinner in the room opposite to the one where I was kept, as he often did. Then, suddenly, something urgent came up. I don't know the details, nor did I care to learn, but I think it was work-related. Something about closing a billion Gold deal or whatever. It doesn't really matter. The only part that matters is that he knocked a fork off the table in his haste to go take care of that urgent thing. Somehow, that fork slid underneath the door to my room, and he didn't even notice.

I remember seeing it sliding towards me, stopping just within my reach. Its prongs glistened with a beautiful silvery gleam, contrasting the gray, hazy shadows that perpetually surrounded me in that dimly lit room. I gazed at it for several long minutes, wondering what I was even looking at. Eventually, the fog in my mind cleared up enough that I could finally recognize what it was. “A... fork..." I said in a marveled whisper.

Something compelled me to grab it, so that's what I did. It looked nice in my hands. It was a nice fork. Very silvery. And the prongs... They were so pointy. But that was nice too. So very nice. 'Hide it,' said a little baby voice inside my head. 'Hide it, Natalie. Hide the nice thing.' I simply nodded in agreement, then hid that fork in a crack on the floor.

Some time later, the pig was back. He opened the door and approached me with a greasy smile as he unbuttoned his pants, talking about how great it felt to finally secure that billion Gold deal. Within seconds he was on me, grunting obscenely while grinding his hips into mine. As for me... I was just staring vacantly at the ceiling, barely even registering what was happening.

What was I seeing? Nothing, really, as there was nothing to see — nothing other than a shapeless sea of shadows, I mean. Yeah, everything around me was shadows. They stretched and blended into each other, forming an incomprehensible void of nothingness. Even the noises that pig made felt distant and muffled amidst that foggy miasma of darkness. But then, something strange happened — something unusual. A ghastly pair of eyes opened up in the miasma, and they were transfixed on me.

I just watched them watching me, confused by their unsettling strangeness. What were those eyes? Had they always been there? Why were they staring at me so intently? And why couldn't I look away? That's right. As unnerving as their gaze was, for some arcane reason I just couldn't turn away from it. It was almost like I was under some sort of spell or something.

I was scared. No matter what I tried, those eyes just wouldn't go away. They'd still be there, watching, judging me silently while the pig continued having his way with me in some other plane of reality. 'What do you want from me??' I tried to scream, but no voice would come out of my mouth. 'Stop! Stop judging me! Stop judging me, please!'

But the eyes would not relent.

At some point, my hand brushed against something on the floor. A crack. Ah, yes, there was a crack on the floor, wasn't there? And there was something inside, right? Something nice, I think. Um, what was it again? What was that nice thing? It was... a fork, wasn't it? A fork. A... fork...

Fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, forky-fork...

Those eyes... They were still there, haunting me from the shadows... 'D-do you want this fork? Is that it? Well, you can't have it! It's— it's mine! Stop! G-go away! I'm telling you it's mine! Mine! Leave me alone! Go judge someone else! It's not my fault I ended up like this! Do you think I like being raped time and time again by this revolting man-swine? Well, I don't! So leave me alone, god-fucking-dammit! LEAVE ME ALONE!!'

Suddenly, a crimson explosion burst through the miasma-like void of darkness, startling me to no end. There was a scream. And then, everything became very quiet. Only the gasping sounds of my own agitated breathing broke what would have otherwise been absolute silence. Shaking, I looked at my right hand, and noticed that I was holding the fork. Then I noticed something else: the prongs weren't glistening like they were before. Something had stained them — something red.

Ever-so-slowly, the shadowy fog began to disperse. Soon I could see the room around me again. The walls, the door, the ceiling above, and the floor below... Everything was as I remembered it. Nothing seemed out of place... except for one thing. Yes, there was something lying on the floor next to me. It was Mr. Vert. I looked at him. He wasn't moving... nor was he breathing.

But he sure as hell was bleeding.

The pig's blood was gushing out of a grisly wound on the side of his neck, pooling around his half-naked body as he stared vacantly into nothingness through his dead eyes.

Slowly, I got on my feet. Then I just stood there for several minutes, motionless, doing nothing but staring silently at the corpse lying at my feet. Yeah, Mr. Vert — that disgusting excuse for a human being — was definitely dead. So, at that moment, what was I feeling? Was it joy? Relief? The urge to spit on him for good measure?

No. I wasn't feeling anything.

The repulsive old pig who had kept me in that room on a leash for six whole months, for whom I was little more than a warm chunk of meat he could have sex with, now lay dead before my eyes... and I felt nothing. Nothing at all. Not even the slightest hint of an emotion of any sort. In a way, I was just as dead as he was.

Then, I turned to my left.

The eyes... Those ghastly eyes that never stopped judging me — they were still there, watching me from... from the other side of what turned out to be that large mirror on the wall. Yes, that's right. Those eyes were actually mine. All along, it was me who was relentlessly judging myself from the depths of darkness. It had always been me. But I didn't come to that realization immediately.

Instead, I watched with glazed-over eyes at the figure behind the glassy surface, not knowing exactly what it was. That pale apparition, in turn, did nothing but stare back at me. I don't know how long I stood there, trapped by its haunting gaze. Only when I noticed the fork in its hand did I finally realize what I was actually looking at. And at that moment I felt myself break apart inside.

The fork slipped off my hand and fell. “No..." I gasped incredulously as that cruel mirror confronted me with the horrible truth. The pale apparition with disheveled hair and dead eyes was me... or, rather, what was left of me. I was horrified at this revelation, but also deeply, deeply ashamed of myself.

'H-how? How could I let this happen? Where did I go so wrong? Where— No! T-that can't be me! I'm— I'm... Oh, god, am I even Natalie anymore? W-what am I? What have I become? Am I really the... the broken, lifeless husk this mirror is presenting me with? W-when did this happen? When did Natalie die and get replaced with... with that horrid, unsightly thing?'

Yeah, Natalie was dead. All that remained was... whatever you'd call that thing. Just a pale shadow of the lively eighteen-year-old I had once been, I guess. Whether my heart still beat or not made no difference. With my soul torn to pieces and all hope lost, there was no point to anything anymore.

The pig's wallet was where he usually left it before helping himself to my body — just out of my reach. But with the help of the fork and some effort I was able to get my hands on it. The key to the leash binding me was tucked inside, as I expected it to be. After all, I knew he always kept it there.

Before long, I found myself wandering aimlessly along the rustic streets of the village, with my leash on my hands. The few passersby I saw pointedly gave me a wide berth, averting their eyes in a concerted effort to pretend I didn't exist. Then again, I did look absolutely dreadful in my ragged, bloodstained clothes, so I don't really blame them.

So, where was I going? Nowhere, really. I simply had nowhere to go. Back to Addie? Not a chance. Not only was she miles away, but I just couldn't bear the idea of her seeing what I had become, and I still can't. Besides, the Natalie she knew was gone. It hurts, but I'm sure she's better off keeping my old self alive in her memories, rather than seeing me like this.

Eventually, I found myself here, in this forest. Somehow, this is where my shambling legs brought me. So here I am now, surrounded by a vast expanse of trees and nature as the sun began its descent. I thought it was oddly poetic that my story would meet its end here, since Adelaide's happy place was something very close to this. My former self might have appreciated its beauty, but she is no longer here. As a matter of fact, she hasn't been here in quite some time...

Dusk has come. The last rays of sunlight filter through the canopy, tinting everything with a wistful golden hue. It fills me with an oddly-soothing sense of finality, appropriately enough. The leash is now a noose, hanging from a tree. I look at it vacantly. There's nothing to say. Natalie gave up. She tried her best, but at one point she just had to admit there was nothing worth living for anymore.

Adelaide, my last thoughts are for you. I hope you can forgive me for doing this. Still, whatever happens, please don't give up yourself. I'll be rooting for you from the other side, so you better keep on surviving, okay? Then, one day, I'm sure we'll meet again. Somehow, someway, it'll happen.

Alright, it's time.

Good-bye, Addie. And good luck.

~*~

On September 14, 1160, in the forest of Lanea, Natalie Fernández hanged herself.

Tormented by an unfathomable despair, that poor girl longed for nothing other than the sweet release of death. She thought it was the only way, and that taking her own life in that manner couldn't possibly be worse than the nightmarish existence she was trying to escape from.

However, she was wrong.

The very moment the makeshift noose violently tightened its lethal grip around her neck, a primal terror invaded her. Instantly, she regretted it all, but by that point it was already far too late. No matter how much she kicked her dangling legs, or how desperately she contorted herself, there was just no footing to be found.

Natalie's final moments of consciousness were indescribably horrific as the restricted blood flow to her brain put it squarely in anoxic hell. And then, eventually, a veil of absolute darkness descended upon her, stilling her futile struggling at last.

But that wasn't the end of her story. On the contrary, that was only the beginning.

What Natalie didn't know when she put that noose around her neck is that she was finally home. Indeed, the forest had chosen her, and wouldn't simply let her life fade into nothingness like that. Not when she hadn't even had the chance to begin her new life as a free vanni, as was her destiny.

And so, amidst the last golden rays of sunlight, a tall, dark figure with amber eyes appeared before Natalie's motionless body. With a swift slash of his claws, the mighty creature immediately cut the rope holding her, releasing her unconscious form into the warm safety of his arms.

This creature was a son of Howling Grove, born of vanni and lycca — an imposing beast of the night, with sharp claws and fangs that glistened under the dying light of the setting sun. He was a werewolf with no name or soma bond. He was the one who yearned to be a hero. And now that his fated vanni was secure in his arms; the odd, yet heartwarming story of their wholesome union could finally begin.

But first, Natalie had to survive...

To be continued...