Unintentional Rampage of the Rhinoceros
"You're sure this will help me find my Soul Mate?" the female rhinoceros asked the porcupine witch doctor uncertainly.
"Just one drink of my homemade serum, and your very being will home in on the one with whom you are meant to be," the porcupine witch doctor confirmed, "it cannot change the connection that is already inside you, but it can help guide the way." She paused, then, "And as an added assurance, neither you nor your partner will suffer any permanent harm as a result of the serum's effects."
Zora looked at the purplish concoction in the makeshift stone bowl, and with the slightest hesitation, took a drink.
The fruit and flower mixture was really sweet, but once Zora was done drinking, nothing seemed to happen.
"What now?" Zora asked, fully ready to accept she'd just been scammed.
"Go on your way, and all will come to you soon," the porcupine said. "Or you will come upon it," She added with an amused smirk.
She was clearly up to something, but of what, Zora had no idea. She'd never heard of the porcupine witch doctor poisoning anyone, but whenever anyone mentioned her services, they always looked awkward like they were trying not to bring up some embarrassing secret.
She shrugged as she walked back toward the watering hole; it had been worth a shot. It's just she had always wanted to meet this nice guy who was out there somewhere, and they could make a life together. She always pictured a rhino who was caring, and friendly, and strong, and who had those perfect, amusing things they called...
She turned her thoughts. Yeah she knew that all males were supposed to have them, but it didn't do for a female like her to be thinking about that. She felt her face redden. That would be great though, wouldn't that, to meet a male who had...
She shook her head, she had spent so much of her time imagining what it'd be like to be with a male but never actually being close to one, she_ knew_ males were supposed to have those special unique... well, things, but a part of her couldn't bring herself to believe those unique male things actually existed.
She was blushing again, she had to shake it off. Besides, there were other things males had that were to be admired, but sometimes wondering about the existence of things she didn't know as a female... It was so distracting.
But, it wasn't going to happen anyway, the witch doctor had only done nonsense, so as far as her life was concerned, males might as well not even exist. At least not in certain ways she was thinking.
As she approached the watering hole, she noticed something about the pace of her walk, almost as if it was automatic. Of course that made sense, when you walk, you often don't pay attention to every single step, relying on rhythm and muscle memory. She wondered why she had never paid attention to the absentmindedness of the reflexive rhythm of walking before.
She picked up pace, she was getting thirsty, and the sooner she made it to the watering hole, the sooner she could get a drink.
But she didn't stop, the moment she made it to the watering hole, she just ran straight past it.
She looked at her feet, moving beneath her, picking up pace. She knew that the rhythm of movement was automatic, but that didn't mean she shouldn't be able to stop! But something was wrong, her feet had gotten themselves into some wicked pattern, and they couldn't break free, as if her legs had gained a mind of their own and were carrying her to who knows where where she could only ride along.
She broke out into the Savannah, bursting across the grasslands at full rampage pace, and she just kept going. The Savannah kept going. How far did these grasslands actually stretch!
She was going far, far beyond what she'd ever known, no change of scenery in sight, just a couple of trees here and there, and just grass, grass, and more grass as far as eye could see. Animals lived out here? Nothing to give any shape or texture to the world? She kind of felt bad for them.
But she felt more sorry for herself, as the Sun stretched its way across the sky, she felt herself begin to grow tired. Yet she wasn't stopping. Was this the porcupine's doing? Was this why she had been so amused?
Finally Zora was coming upon something, the land becoming more rocky, she found herself running through what looked to be a dry riverbed, rocks rising up on both sides. Then, up ahead, a pond, she could make out the shape of a rhino drinking from it, a_ male_ rhino.
She felt a panic rising within her, she knew exactly where she was heading, could detect it on the exact point of the horn on the edge of her snout (Was it just her, or was it shimmering). She tried to pull herself to a stop, but her feet just kept moving under her.
No, no!
She male rhino heard the approaching sound of thundering feet, raised his head to look back just in time to see the female rhino charging straight at him.
But it was too late, Zora crashed straight into him, her horn jamming itself straight through the already occupied opening in his back legs.
His eyes went wide with shock, and in a second, he dropped to to the riverbed floor. The light in Zora's horn shimmered with purple, as if to emphasize the strength of what she had just jammed into the weakest part of a male's body.
"UGHHHH!" the male rhinoceros bellowed, "My n**s! Not my n**s***!"
As he writhed there in agony, Zora, who had finally come to a full stop, stood over him, clinching her legs together at his discomfort. She felt weird herself at this, but while it sounded nice to say she was feeling for his pain, she couldn't deny the fact that this was really actually kind of hot.
He was a strong rhino, but his face had a softness to it indicating kindness. Or at least as soft as it could be considering the excruiated grimace. But the fact was, he had them. Males actually had them! She'd always known they had them, but now... she knew knew! Which also put into perspective that she also had an entirely different set of "thems" that she was obscuring with her leg-flinch. She could hardly believe it, but here it was - regaurdless of what her previous life experiences had left her to expect - at least within whatever variation of the world she now occupied, it was all real, happening right in front of her; she felt her face flushing; the strangeness of anatomy existing right at her feet.
And oh, his n**s***, what a perfectly perfect name for it.
It was too much, despite her flinched legs, she accidentally wet herself as she burst into laughter.
The male rhino looked up at her, face flushing as he realized the female who had done this to him, a female with a different set of "thems" seeing him writhe in his male induced weakness. He flushed so much embarrassment he felt it alone could kill him if that blunt and pointy horn hadn't already just about did so. She'd just heard him call it his n**s***! What if she knew of those things?
"Why'd you do that?!" the tortured male cried.
"I'm sorry!" Zora apologized through laughter, "I met this porcupine witch doctor, and then I couldn't stop running... And I think you're meant to be my Soul Mate?"
He stopped writhing for a second, looking at her in surprise, still holding himself with one limb, trying to suppress the pain.
Then he could suppress it no longer. "Porcupine witch doctors are the worst!" he moaned, going back to his writhing.
"If it's any help, she did say neither of us would be permanently harmed by this," Zora assured him.
"Have you ever felt one of those horns?" he whimpered, "Permanent harm or not, they HURT!"
"Well, I think your kind of hot." Zora said.
The male rhinoceros flushed, "I get that alot. Or I wish I did." He flushed even more. He actually liked the complement.
Finally, he managed to pull himself back to his feet, but it did not happen for quite some time, then, he looked at Zora awkwardly.
"So, about that Soul Mate thing?"
"That's what the witch said," Zora replied.
He looked at her a moment, "I just got to do something..."
And then he charged off, disappearing into the distance.
Zora gave a sigh of disappointment. Perhaps that serum had led her to her Soul Mate, but it sure hadn't helped make a good first impression.
She was thirsty though, she might as well get a drink.
As she drunk, she detected something on the air, growing closer and closer. The hammering of feet, heavy feet. She could feel the vibration in the earth, almost upon her.
She didn't even have time to look behind her.
JAM!
Her eyes went wide with shock. She had heard of the word "tampon" before, but she had never expected to ever wear one.
She looked back, and there was the male rhino, standing there, a look of shock on his face almost as strong as hers, his horn located right where it had been.
He pulled his horn away, it glinting with purple in the late afternoon sun, and Zora dropped to her knees, clutching at herself and giving a painful moan.
"I'm sorry, I thought I was running in the other direction, but then... I couldn't stop myself."
Zora looked at him, managing a look.
"Well, I guess we're even," the male rhinoceros said.
Then, despite herself, Zora burst into laughter through the pain, the pain carrying the laughter like she couldn't have expected.
"Oh, it hurts! It hurts!" Zora laughed, "Oh my v****! This is so embarrassing!"
The male rhinoceros looked almost offended.
"I didn't get to laugh when that happened to me."
"Well, maybe female thems don't get hurt as bad as male thems!" She managed through giggles of pain. Besides, her "down there" had more room to accommodate the unexpected presence of a horn than his did, with the obvious obstacles located in his "down there", of course, he apparently hadn't been made for it.
He didn't know anything about this Soul Mate business, but he was flushing almost as much as if she could be.
"Wow, so it's true that you females actually have those? I mean I know you're supposed to, but I never could actually make myself believe it."
This only made her giggle harder.
"By the way, I wet myself again." She laughed, "That is how you males check, isn't it?"
She was right, he realized quickly, she was his Soul Mate. Theoretically.
What have I gotten myself into?
When she got to her feet again, she looked at him in the eyes.
"By the way, I'm Zora."
"I'm Zemo," he replied back.
Even our names sound sort of the same, she thought.
"Sorry again for what I did to you, but will you at least consider it?"
He shifted on his back feet, feeling awkward. "Well, I think I might kind of have a chance of liking you sometime," he admitted, "We can try it."
Zora felt her heart glow. It might finally be happening, she might have finally found her Soul Mate.
At a sacrifice to the comfort of the poor guy's unfortunate "thems" of course, perhaps that could've gone a bit better.
But hey, at least it was a start.
And once again, the Porcupine Witch Doctor could only watch from a distance, congratulating herself on another job well done.