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"Alpha waves detected. Nexus connection initiated."

It was not the first time I woke up with my mind sucked by the neural bridge. It was never pleasant. Did I fell asleep while inside Nexus or did I just forget to disconnect? I was about to find out soon. No way to cancel the sequence when it was initiated automatically the moment my mind just barely reached consciousness, scrambling to catch up.

"Connection secured. Welcome to Nexus."

The pleasant voice of the login AI was familiar. I chose it back then because it felt soothing. My mind relaxed.

"Admin override engaged."

What? No. This is not right.

"Loading the home instance."

Okay. So no troubles with the Illuminate. Did some of my augments broke? I kept them in top condition. Did I mess up the maintenance and got hurt? The questions swirled through my mind as the Nexus started to materialize in my mind, the lights flicked into life and slowly the room assembled. Wisps of light coalesced into pixels and solidified.

It was always calming to see the grey, soft room to materialize, the orange, blue and purple crystals of the various decorations. The hanging nets, hammocks and pillows, the smooth pieces of walls hiding displays or places where visual media could be projected or assigned. All of it designed by me.

I took a deep breath. No smell yet. That's not right. Our ship should have my sim cached. It loaded a little later. The barely noticeable, sweet smell of Piru noodles offered only a little comfort today.

Silence.

There was no one else.

The room instantly felt a little too lonely. Cold. A very rare and terrifying feeling.

I raised my paw to look at the digiwatch. Various holographic displays flared into life around my wrist and the information quickly loaded. It was evening, but the date was off. By hundred and eleven hours actually. I missed the FTL drive maintenance. Damn!

"Calm down, please."

All my ears twitched and turned as I searched for the source of the voice. I didn't recognise them, but it was certainly not an AI. AI voices always sounded a little too sterile to me. This one carried concern among many other emotions. I moved the claw to bring up the screen with the vitals of my body. The screen popped up, but data refused to load.

It was high time to ask. "What's going on? Where is Graem? And where are Totei, Riki and Zoe?"

"Please, remain calm. Everything will be explained." The voice assured me, but it was hard to obey it. To trust it. The lack of their presence unnerving. "Sending a request to join you."

My mind inevitably started exploring the last things it remembered. I approved the request without much thought. Name Seti was unknown to me, but they had the admin override activated. Requesting access was a formality, so they were almost certainly a medic.

I remembered waking up. Late. Everyone else was already spread out all over the ship. Totei and Zoe were plotting the course, Graem was already managing the supplies and Riki was pulling reports from the Illuminate. I had my own tasks to take care of, but we were always close, comms open on our private channel. I remembered I checked my dashboard. Ship status nominal. Subsystems working within acceptable parameters.

Then, I started checking on fuel pipes. We needed the atmospheric thrusters to land in New Avalon for full ship maintenance. Just one jump away. I found a small leak, nothing serious, but it needed fixing and the drone got stuck. I remembered Graem encouraging me to go in and fix it myself, that he'll soon catch up and help me. I remembered Riki mentioning a shadow on radar.

Then the ship shook.

"Nel, stop, please."

The voice pulled me out of the memories. My breath was racing and I was shaking even inside Nexus, but Seti's intervention worked. Just now I noticed their touch. Virtual space or not, Nexus simulates and transfers many things, feeling of touch included.

"You're safe. You're in Avalon."

Wordless, I looked Seti in the eyes. They saved me, surely my pack will be let in at any moment. "How bad was it?"

Seti nodded, frowning and ears hanging back. "Pretty bad. You're lucky another vessel was nearby with free medbay vat."

I watched Seti wave his claw, conjuring a screen out of the thin air before offering it to me. Even the simple, untextured render looked terrifying. It seemed half of my face was melted away. Luckily my ears were untouched, but my right eye was gone. I was lucky to be alive.

Stunned, I dropped to the ground, barely registering Seti catching me and sitting me down carefully. It didn't matter in Nexus, but the doctor's instincts were probably hard to suppress.

Lacking the support of my pack, I curled under Seti's wing, staring at the orange wireframe model with red areas on the face. Half of the inner organs, some bones too glowed with the menacing red and orange colours. I was in Nexus because even the painkillers were not strong enough.

"We did what we could. Cloned flesh, organs and skin, augments. We pushed many things you already had planned. The only thing we were unsure was the eye. Seer put together a set of suitable features, but they mixed up the colours. We will order a replacement now that you're awake."

Seer, huh? I thought to myself. One of the many offsprings of the great Oracle, but still a very powerful AI. Seti listed the features, and I listened to their quiet explanation, but it only made me wanting to see for myself. I needed to see myself. The crude render was not enough. "Show me," I demanded.

Without any word, Seti reached for wristwatch and lifted some of the limitations with a few taps of the claw, and a simple image popped up on my screen.

I barely recognised my swollen face, but I saw the eyes, unfocused and forced open by a drone who took the picture. The teal tint of my left eye, purple tint of my new right eye, and the aggressive teal light of the bionic eye overlay. They surely used the hormones to stimulate the hair and feather growth, but I still recognised the places which were burned away and replaced. I knew they'll eventually be unrecognisable. I felt uneasy anyway.

Despite all that a small smile crept onto my lips. "I don't mind. I like it."

"Are you sure? They switched up the colours of the eye and the overlay. A minor mistake, not affecting the function of course."

With a nod, I looked up at Seti, who was watching me carefully, smiling. "I'm sure." But my mind couldn't focus. Why was Seti welcoming me and not Graem? "Where is Graem?" I repeated the question, unwilling to be in the dark any longer.

Seti's ears twitched, no doubt due to the rest of Seti's pack whispering back and forth. Deciding.

After a moment of silence, Seti spoke again. "We'll let the rest of your pack in."

The wing retreated and cold once again crawled along my spine. I watched as Seti slowly reached for his virtual interface, eyeing me if I decide for a few more moments without them, but it felt like torture. No. I want them here. All of them.

A force knocked me to the ground and away from Seti, but I laughed. I heard the soft purrs and snorts, the clicks and mumbles. I felt their claws as they hugged me tightly. I felt the soft nuzzles. They all tackled me before they even materialised inside Nexus. All of them.

No.

One voice was missing.

I remembered.

---

Searing pain.

Then nothing.

Then pain again, but it quickly disappeared, leaving my head somewhat clear.

I opened my eyes. One eye. I couldn't open the other. Before I reached with my claws to touch my face, someone caught my hand.

"No...don't."

Graem! But his voice was pained. "What's happening?" I groaned, confused, and looked around. Fires around were roaring. It would be extremely uncomfortable if I wasn't...

"I poisoned us both...the neurotoxin," Graem pushed himself to speak, wheezing. He was already weakened.

The neurotoxin. The extract from that fish. It was dangerous. I couldn't remember the details, but I knew it was bad. "You...what?"

"No time...we're boarded." He handed me his Multi-Purpose Matter Cannon. Exotic weapon of experimental design which got some popularity, combining the railgun technology with thermal venting of the small fusion reactor fuelling a specialized projectile fabricator. All in single portable, over-engineered package.

I just noticed. His right arm was unmoving. He handled all with his left hand only. Seeing his arm trembling under the weight of the weapon he otherwise handled with ease made me grimace, but I picked the handgun and brought up the monitor to adjust the settings. After all, Graem was used to much stronger kick.

Graem's ears flicked. "Don't," he said and winced. Not even the neurotoxin was able to remove all his pain. "...mess with the settings, and align your arm properly, or it'll shatter your bones."

What was he planning? He prepared his cannon for me. "But...I'm just an engineer!" I blurted out. I knew how to handle the guns, but that was it. I never killed anything other than animal.

Snort.

He was suppressing a laugh. How could he just laugh at this moment? I looked at him in disbelief, but he was just smirking at me bitterly.

"We're dead if we won't try. It's them or us."

He was right. I gulped and gripped the handle of the cannon tightly before taking aim. Or at least I thought so. I felt nothing. If I didn't see, I would think my paw empty. I took aim, through the thick cloud hanging just a few steps before me, and on the other side, the sensors detected three intruders.

The thought shot through my head - I was about to kill someone's packmate. My arm shook, but the targeting system of the cannon was compensating for that. Wired to the sensor network of the ship, so it knew where the enemies were. It knew where to aim. All of it - my programming. It just needed a trigger finger. My finger.

I double checked the alignment of my arm and pulled the trigger. The MPMC roared and jumped, yanking my entire arm. I heard the painful cries over the roar of fire. I saw the smoke parting and curling when the projectiles cut through. If I wasn't poisoned, it would hurt physically.

One.

Two.

Three.

The vents on the sides of the reactors chamber of the weapon opened, glowing blue. The slightly radioactive vapors rolled out of the overheated weapon. Like us, it was not tuned for environment this hot.

I took them all out. Most probably half of single raider's pack. They grew too careless when the corridor started to burn, not believing that any Avali could survive that.

Assumptions like that gets you and your packmates killed. I remembered that advice from the academy.

Despite the raiders being an enemies, I couldn't help but feel the loss I inflicted. I couldn't imagine even one of my packmates disappearing, and I just did that to some other pack. Over and over and over.

My head felt clear despite my heart pounding in my chest and the sickly feeling in my stomach. We couldn't stay. The toxin could wear off at any time and we would both be in terrible pain, unable to move again. "Come, we need to get out of here," I noted and reached with my other paw, pulling Graem up so he could lean against my back.

Trembling, full of adrenaline and in a survival mode, I didn't mind the weight of my mate clinging to my back. He held with only left arm. I gulped, hoping that he wouldn't need the replacement after such rough handling, but we needed to go.

"To the bridge. They hunkered down there," Graem whispered to my ear.

And so I pushed and moved.

For both of us.

---

I watched the dreamcatcher, waving and shimmering after I disturbed its stillness. The soft tingling of gems gently bouncing off of each other tickled in my ears.

"We thought we lost you both, you know?"

I smiled as the soft reminder from Riki. He found me on board of our spacecraft. The small corvette named Moonbeam. Large enough to even shelter our mech. Armed enough so the attack wouldn't surprise us anymore. Woe to anyone trying to board us ever again.

Right now, we were docked in Avalon, and with maintenance finished, we just waited for the mission assignment.

Shame and guilt guided my thoughts to my darkest moments. "You almost did," I admitted. A painful prod at my heart followed the admittance, and it was drowned out by the warmth. The soft wings embraced me as Riki stepped closer, holding me tightly as if I were to disappear.

I smiled bitterly. "I'm not going anywhere." They still remembered the moments when I almost left them too.

The soft assurance was not enough, but I didn't mind him holding me. It was a strong reminder that I'm not alone in this. We relearned the skills and knowledge lost with Graem, but the holes in our hearts never disappeared.

"I'm not going anywhere," I breathed out, almost silently as I reached for his paw. I felt his claw curling around mine. I felt as he nuzzled me between my left ears, burying his snout in my feathers.

"Do you still wish to join him?"

"Sometimes. Then I remember I still have you," I whispered and my eyes found the dreamcatcher again. Feathers, mine and Graem's. Cobalt and purple. Crystals both natural and artificial. All the small reminders.

And then the red ribbon.

I tensed and gritted my teeth at the reminder of the pain I felt when I wove it in, marking the last event.

Riki's claw moved, as he senses my unease. To calm me, he started to ruffle my feathers. A common enough movement, but it hurt.

Deep inside it hurt.

The movement. The way Riki ruffled my chest fluff. Just like Graem did back then.

“Don’t,” I recoiled, grabbing Riki’s paw and moving it away.

“Sorry, it’s…” Riki jumped back. It was never his intention to hurt me, especially here of all places. I knew.

I took a deep breath and a smile returned to my lips. As quickly as it came, the pain was gone. “It’s alright,” I breathed out.

After a few moments of silence, Riki spoke up again. “Want to go shooting? Since we’re still in Avalon.”

I chuckled. “Yeah.” He most probably sought me out with this proposition at first anyway.

---

We could always boot up a shooting sim in Nexus, but Avalon had a few shooting ranges, and our pack was allowed to visit them and borrow the equipment there. A few of the perks of being a part of the military.

“Packname,” the AI custodian asked.

“Nightguard, all four of us,” Totei answered as I inspected the AR poster for the new MPMC6. The fifth generation was out for years, but I still held to the fourth gen one. The last piece of Graem I had, if I didn't count the feathers we shared back then. I had it with me now, and my claws mindlessly traced the back of the cannon.

I was absorbed by the list of features. Improved aiming logic, lighter frame, tungsten reactor chamber lining, completely rebuilt fabricator. Everything I managed to do with the resources provided by Illuminate and better. They probably used my code and designs too since I uploaded it to them a year back upon their request. It was a part of the deal.

A soft touch broke me out of the memories and thoughts. “Zoe,” I whispered when I saw the smallest member of our pack, gently brushing her claw against my primaries, tickling me. She didn’t need to say anything. Just a soft purr and a small motion with her head was enough to bring my attention to the door opening, letting us all in.

We walked through the small, uninteresting hallway before the long shooting range opened before us. The simple, underground shooting range was very different from the colourful street. Almost no notes in AR to disturb, only the clean environment.

As I stood at the counter, I pulled out my MPMC4 and started checking the settings on its display, mindlessly tuning the gun to use in the confined environment of the shooting range. I didn’t need all its power anyway.

“So, Nel, after twenty years, do you regret the transition to the military branch?” Totei asked as he picked a position next to me.

I glanced at him, and put my cannon on the counter. “No. I learned to shoot space scum well. I only regret his loss.” I recounted as I reached for the ear protection headphones. The casual reminder didn’t even hurt.

I could hardly believe it has been twenty years already.

Our pack was reassigned from exploratory to military branch after we dispatched a particularly large group of renegades. We lost Graem then.

After the transition, we started to explore the more dangerous parts of the universe. Not enough to call in pure military vessel, but too dangerous for common exploration crews. After losing Graem, Totei pushed for more support from Illuminate and this is what we got.

“And I added combat to my engineering specialization, and learned to engineer pain,” I noted, knowing that my remark would be picked up by the microphone hidden in the headphones.

A few chuckles came back through the comms, making me smile. It seemed my Combat Engineer jokes were still able to make my pack giggle. A window popped up in my view, offered by the AR augment - my right eye. With a simple gesture, I confirmed that I was ready, reaching for my cannon with the other paw.

“First choose the bar!” Zoe chirped through the comms.

“So the curry place again?” I asked, grinning and taking aim.

“You wish!” Totei joined in the goading.

Riki's Firelance clicked when the clip was loaded, and he chuckled before adding, “Nah. It’s gonna be Neon Feather again.”