FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

“Wake up!” Bright lights flashed me. I tried to cover them, only to find my hands bound to a metal chair. The dust was still stuffing my nostrils. I glanced up with a throbbing headache. What happened last night… I was sure that I… The larger man in front of me gripped against my blonde hair. “So Charlie, how do you want to pay your debt?” “Wha-” “50 grand, remember?” The man leaned closer till he was breathing down my neck. “You lost it all to me, remember?” I blinked, only for him to slap my face. “Seems like you’re still sleeping.” “Ju-just let me remember what happened, alright?” Shaky words weren’t exactly convincing but in front of the man, it at least placated him slightly. In bits and pieces, my memories returned. Right… After I parted ways with Ryan last night, I went to drink. Was going to call in sick tomorrow anyways. But I stumbled into the casino where their bars were renowned for their cocktails. Crowned Jewel I think that was what it was called… and somehow I played a couple hands of blackjack and… Another slap to my face. The sound echoed within the room. I fell sideways. Almost felt as though he could’ve slapped a tooth out of me. The pain jolted me out of my memories as the man squatted down, meeting me at eye level. Henry… That was his name, wasn’t it? The owner of this casino. I… I lost all of my savings to him… in some fucking made-up game of poker. My eyes widened. Fear surged within me. Fuck. What the hell do I do now? He took everything that I had. Thinking back, I was drunk playing with him. But every time I played with him, he was always so close to losing. I just needed to guess it right… Once. “Oh, now you remember. How would you like to pay up?” “Wait… you took everything that I had! What more do you want?” He stood up, clicking against his tongue and circled me. “Fucking assets? A car? A house?” “I… I don’t have any of those. I rent…” I glanced to the side. “Look, I can work for you. Work for you as an em-” “Work?” He wagged his finger. “No, no, no. You misunderstand me. See, people want to work here. What makes you think that you coul-” “You don’t have to pay me. I’ll do it for free! Ple-Argghh!” I shouted as his feet stepped on my hand. Henry chuckled. “Who told you to bark? You owe me money and you think you could boss me around?” “I’m sorry… please…” “The way I see it, you have three options. Option number 1: You continue your shitty job and I’ll take the money in installments with interest on top. Let’s do 45% interest compounded each month.” I gulped. 45% compounded interest was fucking insane. Even credit card companies do half of that! And being shackled to that much debt would financially doom me. Not even sure I could pay back in this lifetime. “But that’s the boring method. And I don’t need more money than I already do.” He stepped away and dragged the metal chair. “Option number 2 is I sell your organs. A kidney would be good enough.” “Wait, what’s the differen-” “The difference is that I can watch you suffer. Call it consequences.” He plopped the chair onto the ground and sat on it. “Plus, it's instant cash. Cash that I could immediately harvest.” “I have connections underground of course. One phone call is all it would take for me to bring a surgeon in. But you surviving after the surgery… is another story all together.” I was going to lose a kidney? No… I might actually die in this place? I…all I did was make some bets and now I’m going to pay with my life? This… this couldn’t be happening. This had to be a dream. A bad one. I closed my eyes but the tears seeped between the gaps. Shivering, I asked with my trembling voice. “O-option th-three?” “You gamble once more.” “What? Bu-but I don’t have mo-” He snapped his fingers before shoving a photo of me and Ryan to my face. “What about- what about him?” “Oh, that’s his name now? I used to know him as Riley. Cute bitch at the club.” He leaned back into his chair. “See, your friend Ryan, is quite the gambler. Gambling addict actually.” I stifled my laughter. Him? The robotic dude that always was rational and logical. Sure, he might be a bird but he was the most mechanical person I’ve encountered. And as a gambler? He appeared to have never held poker cards in his life. “So here’s the deal. I’m going to call him on your phone, claiming that you needed help. If he comes and gambles, let’s work together to make me win.” “What if he doesn’t?” “Option two it is.” My lips trembled. Just imagining the scene was making me queasy inside. “But knowing him, he will immediately accept it. Fucking gambling whore. So if you help me win, I’ll clear off your debt and in return, he will become my newest slut.” I blinked back at him. Slut? Ryan? Was he into guys…? He stomped to the ground. “See, I’ll have a friend to inject some nanomachines, molding his body for me. Like a sexy peahen whose sole job is to flap her feathers for me. Riley had been trained to shake those hips after all.” Just before I could talk, he continued. “And don’t you think that he is there to help you. He became a peacock from his fucking greed. What makes you think he won’t leave you here after winning the gamble?” “Cause he’s my friend?” He laughed. “And he never told you about his Riley days? C’mon Charlie, do you really trust him like that?” A few doubts seeped in. We were the closest colleagues at work but… That was about it. That being said, Ryan always felt off to me. Regarding his background of course. Anthros were tied down to companies and not free roaming like him. But risking my life to fucking die? The answer was no brainer. “Fine, we go with your plan. Are you sure my debt will be cl-” “Oh Charlie, I’m the only one that could clear your debt right now.” He rolled his eyes. “Unless of course, you actually think he could beat me.” Fast forward to now where Ryan had arrived. He claimed to come because he wanted to rescue me but even those words felt shaky. I blinked down at the peacock. Within the stuffy room, every pearl of sweat dripped down my neck. As Henry yapped to Ryan about the rules, the pain in my head was overwhelmed by intense stress and anxiety. Bits of guilt chained me down to this spot. He was nice though. But nice enough to save me? I wasn’t betting on it. Ryan suddenly raised his hand ever so slightly, “So even if you bust, there will be no consequences?” What? Did he think this game was easy? Why was he taunting Henry now? Though the rules sounded simple, the traps were everywhere within this room. Even my presence was a trap… “You want them to be?” “I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem worth it from my perspective,” He shrugged, “Like even if I make you lose all your chips, I think I deserve a reward.” Henry’s laughter echoed through the room while I nudged against his feathers. The fuck was he thinking? Digging a deeper grave for the both of us? More precisely, digging a deeper grave for himself… My conscience stung from those thoughts. “Oh trust me, alright,” He said with his talons trembling, “I’ll get us out of here.” I swallowed down the sigh, deep down my throat. If he wanted to perish harder, so be it. “Fine by me!” Slamming down the table, the owner said, “Double the damn bets then.” The referee now stepped in. “So if Player Henry loses all of his chips he would have to pay 100 thousand to Player Ryan and 100 thousand to us. Else, if Player Ryan loses all of his chips…” “I’ll have this peacock ass molded into my perfect slut. Anything that could be molded will be altered by me.” He flashed his golden tooth. “Any other demands, slut?” Ryan’s feathers fanned out. I had no idea what he was thinking by this point. Must be the nerves getting to him. He always had the habit of fanning his feathers before any meeting. To the point that it was an inside joke within the office. Here, it would just be his grave. “Fanning yourself for your new master already?” “Whatever makes you happy.” He rolled his eyes. As the referee shuffled the deck, Henry leaned back and roared with laughter. He gave me a little wink in a split second. My stomach churned. Pinches at my conscience only made it unbearable for me to watch this. Should I even go through with the plan? I swallowed down my fear. Logically and rationally, Ryan lied. He lied at work. And he could do it again here. Henry, meanwhile, had a personal vendetta against Ryan. I was just the third party. And once he had his fun with Ryan, he had no reason to hunt me down. The plan was simple. I just signalled Henry’s cards to him. Tap left for royal cards, flash the small numbers (1 to 5) on my right hand and the rest will be sound cues. Like tapping the floor or clapping my hands. The referee soon declared, “Round 1 of Guess Poker starts now!” Both players held their cards up. Henry: J (Spades) Ryan: K h (Hearts) And the stack with each one chip counted as a SB: Ryan Pot Henry (B) 98 SB 2 + 1 SB 99 SB While Ryan tapped against the table, Henry glared at me. I immediately tapped my head on the left once. “So, are you calling me?” Ryan leaned forward. “I’m not folding here, you know.” He clicked his tongue. “I fold then.” Putting both of their cards down, they had a couple moments before the referee tore the cards up. “Player Ryan won 3 SB. We shall now proceed to the next round.” Henry blinked back at me before clicking his tongue. It was followed up by Ryan, nudging at my fingers. “See, I told you, we’re going to win.” “Right…” “Just 25 more rounds to go. It's not that bad, Charlie.” I smiled weakly. “You think so?” “Yeah!” “Whatever you say, man.” I hid a little resignation and shame within my words. What else could I do but say these hollow words? “Just be careful.” His feathers fanned out. “Yeah, yeah, I will..” Round two began soon after: Henry: J d (Diamonds) Ryan: 7 c (Clubs) Ryan (B) Pot Henry 100 SB 1 + 2 SB 97 SB Once again, I signaled his card to him. Henry shifted his body around, crossing his arm. “So are ya calling or what?” “Hmmmm.” Ryan glanced back at me. “Should I call?” “What? Me?” I pointed at myself. Henry jolted up from his seat. “Ref! He’s receiving external help!” “So? It’s not stated that I couldn’t ask my witness for he-” “You’re correct that this wasn’t explicitly stated in the rules but-” His eyes had a glint of sharpness. “That would make the game so terribly boring for me to watch. And so from this moment onwards, nobody is allowed to communicate with anyone other than me or their opponent. Violation of this rule will result in an immediate loss. Is that clear?” Ryan sighed. He couldn’t click his tongue even if he wanted to. “Fine.” Though his eyes laid on my face, longer than what I would’ve liked. “I'll call them.” “Raise to 5 SB.” Henry immediately tossed the chips to the middle. He leaned back to his seat. Brimming with confidence, the owner winked back at me. “Wait, I have a question.” Ryan raised his hand up and pointed it at Henry. “So does that count as communicating with Charlie?” “What does?” “He winked back at him or something, I don’t know. It just fe-” Henry slammed. “What the fuck is your problem? It’s just a simple blink an-” The referee interrupted swiftly, “Hmm although that would count, I would think it's interesting enough for it to continue. After all, he wasn’t as blatant as you were.” “So hypothetically, I could do the same, could I?” “Interesting question. Alright, how about this?” He clapped his hands. “No direct communication with Charlie over here. So no talking to him directly but everything else is on the table.” In a blink it and you missed it moment, Henry sighed in relief. Surely, the referee had already caught us communicating. And with all of my nerves, I definitely wasn’t discreet about it. From the sidelines, it must be painfully obvious. The peacock chuckled. “Sounds like everything is to your whim, isn’t it?” “You’re exactly right, Ryan. Any rules I make outside the initial rules are to further enhance my entertainment. “ “I fold then.” Now he lost the chip lead and gave back the button position to Henry. At least, he didn’t fall for the same trap as I did. In my first game of Guess Poker, I had assumed it was regular Indian Poker. I mean… the rules were practically copy pasted and so I just called whenever he had a low card. But in the 5th round, when he raised to 5 SB and had a low card, I immediately called his bluff. Only for him to guess his own card with both suit and rank. And the rest was history. A 100 SB swing was too much for me to recover from… Though I never knew how the trick was done. How did he guess the exact card was beyond me? Marked cards? Or was it the back of the cards? But I didn’t see anything like that yesterday or was it something else? Granted, I was drunk. Shouldn’t be walking drunk. Once again, the cards were torn and Round 3 began soon enough. Ryan was more restless. His tail feathers twitched up and down, tapping on the floor. A small tiny thought slithered into my mind. Did he catch onto what I was doing? He couldn’t have, right? Round three began soon after: Henry: K (Spades) Ryan: 5 c (Clubs) Ryan Pot Henry (B) 97 SB 2 + 1 SB 100 SB A simple triple tap gave Henry the confidence to call. “What happened to that confidence, Ryan? Why aren’t you doing anything now?” The peacock knocked the table. A simple check. His eyes glanced to the right - where the referee stood delighted. “Guessing stage will commence now! Any takers?” “Let me guess then.” Ryan straightened his back. His grip on his card became firmer, almost piercing into the card itself. “Is my card a King?” “Congratulations! Your guess is correct. Player Henry had just won the guessing round and won 20 SB from Player Ryan!” There, my colleague slumped against his chair. His soul had just left his body; his beak ajar while his hands just laid to the side. Lifeless. How could he have known that he was going to guess this early on? Taking the chips up, Henry said, “Ah pathetic. Just like what I expected from a loser. One that got bailed out by their winner.” “And what’s your problem?” He lurched forward. “What are you? Fucking jealous I could win?” “Nah… this isn’t about jealousy,” Henry said while the referee shuffled the cards. “This is about putting you in your place, Riley. You know, I wanted to gamble with you the other day. But alas, some foxy bitch just had to clear your debt.” “Round Four shall begin now!” “But ya know, I think lady luck is still smiling on me.” He said, raising up the 2 c (Clubs) against Ryan’s 2 h (Hearts). “To think that you were so close to me, working as a mascot.” The stacks showed themselves: Ryan (B) Pot Henry 76 SB 1 + 2 SB 121 SB I quickly flashed the number to Henry. He let out a laugh before muttering something under his breath. Ryan swiftly however struck back. “Raise to 10 SB.” “So this little birdy wants a quick death, doesn’t she?” Ryan didn’t answer. He merely stared down at Henry. I had never seen him this aggressive. Like his bloodlust was leaking out. His feathers had all grouped up and froze. “Alright, if that’s the death that you desired, I’ll give it to you then. Ra-” “On second thought, I’m folding.” As the cards were torn away, the tension never lifted up. It only hung in the air. Lingered there. All caused by a peacock’s staredown. Was this Ryan’s true colors? This aggression? Round five began quickly: Henry carried the 3 d (Diamonds) while Ryan had the Q c (Clubs). Ryan Pot Henry (B) 77 SB 2 + 1 SB 120 SB Like again, I flashed the number with my right hand. I wondered if there’s any way to counter this. It was a futile struggle when not even the referee was stopping us. Even if he caught us, what could he do about it though? Henry naturally called. And Ryan surprisingly folded. The peacock stomped his foot to the ground. “Ref, can I change the rules midway?” “Sorry, how is that allowed?” “Then let me rephrase,” He said, raising his talons up, “With the additional 50 thousand that I’m awarded after bankrupting Henry, I would like to purchase a serum that could be used to change someone right after the game ends.” “Ah, that does sound more interesting than mere monetary transactions,” The referee said, snapping his fingers. “Alright, we’ll do that then.” “What? This isn’t fucking fair! I didn’t agr-” “What are you? Scared?” His feathers fanned, covering me completely. “You can still quit if you want.” “Tough fucking words for someone down on chips.” Instead of replying, the bird shivered a little. Hugging his chips close to his feathers, I couldn’t help but feel bad. He couldn’t take any bet lightly now. Especially as the big blind. Round six begun: Henry had the 2 d (Diamonds) Ryan gripped the 8 d (Diamonds) Ryan (B) Pot Henry 75 SB 1 + 2 SB 122 SB Just before I could signal Henry’s cards, Ryan’s chips fell to the ground. He rushed down. His card was face down on the table while he stared at me. Just looking at me for a moment too long. Did he catch on? Shudders shook my body with goosebumps popping up on my arms. Did he know? He got back to his seat. There, he fanned his feathers out. Blocking direct vision between me and Henry. I gulped. What was he doing now? “You know, Henry,” Ryan suddenly said, raising his voice a little louder, “What would have happened to Charlie if I didn’t come?” “Sell his kidney of course. I obviously need to get the money somewhere.” “So did it really matter if I came or not?” Henry’s face arched into a grin before reverting back. What the hell was that? A grin? Was he that fucked in the head? Did he actually want to tear me down? My breaths grew shallower. Fuck. My belief in the plan waivered. “Of course, it mattered. Don’t you want to save your friend?” “Hmmm, I changed my mind. I’ll just take the money for myself.” He laughed, winking back at me. “After all, fifty grand and a new slut sounds fucking nice, doesn’t it?” Before I could say a word, he slammed his talons onto the table. His feathers still fanned out. Fuck… did he find out? He knew it, didn’t he? And he was punishing me for trying to save myself? “Stop stalling and fucking call me already.” He flung his chips to the center. “I call. Your move.” But in his speech, I realized something. What made me naively believe that if I helped Henry, my debt would disappear? It was his word. And words could bend over so easily. Just like how my loyalty had been bought out from promises. Henry sighed. Behind the feathers, Ryan stretched his hand to the back. His fingers pointed down towards the floor. “What’s the fucking hold up?” “Can a man not fucking think?” Though I couldn’t see beyond his thick feathers, I could feel Ryan stretching his hands out. Downwards to see if he could reach my legs. It barely did with his nails. Oh… Did he have something to say? A simple tap continued the game. The referee soon spoke out, “Alright gentlemen, we shall proceed with the Guessing Stage. Any takers?” “Alright, seems like nobody wants to take it on. We shall proceed with the Showdown Stage!” Upon that, Ryan folded his feathers up. Henry glared daggers for a small moment before clapping. “What’s the fucking point of a witness if you’re going to block his view?” “Can a peacock not spread his feathers?.” Putting both of their cards down, Ryan won the small pot of 4 SB. As he collected the chips, he yawned. It just felt weird. Like a sense of something was off. Did Ryan figure it out? He should know, right? He glanced back at me for way too long for it to be a coincidence… Like he was looking through my soul and… And what was he going to do now? With the cards distributed, Round seven started: Ryan: 9 c (Clubs) Henry: 3 h (Hearts) Ryan Pot Henry (B) 77 SB 2 + 1 SB 120 SB Once again, Ryan fanned his feathers. And he intentionally shifted around to reach down my jeans. His sharp talons traced the words: ‘L-I-E.’ Looking up, he gave me a warm smile. Just bring the whole damn knife and twist my heart, won’t ya? How the hell was I supposed to look at him now? Fucking hell. I was such a fucking coward. All this time, I was thinking about how to save my own skin. I… This was my problem to begin with. And here I was trying to dump it all onto the peacock? Pathetic, aren’t I? Despicable actually with how I was acting but… but the thought of me dying on some dingy backstreet alleyway terrified my soul. I didn’t want that! I… I couldn’t be there! I still had so much to live for and… and… Henry slammed the table. “Could you stop fucking fanning your damn feathers?” “Alright, alright calm down…” He closed them up. “There, better?” “Ya. Pull this shit once more and I’ll pluck all of your feathers out.” Henry was visibly more panicked even with his threat. Wiping off his sweat, he stretched his body around in his chair. A war raged within my mind. Where the hell should I even go from here? Commit and try to escape or trust a damn liar to flee. I just wanted to live. These two monsters were just playing with me. Tossing me around only for their use. I closed my eyes. Vision blurring out. My breathing hastened. What the hell do I do here? My conscience still screamed behind me. But I couldn’t care less. I just had to live. I NEEDED to live. Somehow. In any fucking way possible. I covered my mouth. Covering up my pants. Get me out. Now. I… I… “I fold.” Henry suddenly replied. Cards were torn before followed up with a riffle shuffle and being dealt. Was this how terrifying faith was? I was betting either of them could save me. And if it was a coin flip at the end of the day… My conscience gnawed at my heavy thoughts. Guilt and remorse sunk them down. Round eight started: Ryan: J c (Clubs) Henry: 3 (Spades) Ryan (B) Pot Henry 79 SB 1 + 2 SB 118 SB Instead of flashing the three, I placed four fingers up. Just a stray of one digit. At least…if I were to die… I'd rather trust in my friend once more. “Raise to 3 SB.” Ryan followed up immediately. “Re-raise to 5 SB.” There, the room went silent. Ryan tapped on the table. He blinked back at his chips. “I call.” “Action’s over.” The referee announced, “Let the guessing stage commence. Does anyone want to guess?” Henry answered. “I’ll guess. Is my card a four?” The referee widened his smile. “Player Henry, I am excited to announce that you have guessed incorrectly. As such, Player Ryan has won 50 SB from you!” Henry immediately smashed the card to the table, seeing it as the 3 (Spades). He ripped the cards to shreds. Though he didn’t look at me in the face, even an idiot knew this was it for me, bridges between us burnt up in flames. Just as the referee pushed his chips to Ryan, Henry tapped on the table. “Its been bugging me for quite some time but why does he have a witness and I do-” “Why? He hasn’t don-” “Shut it, bird!” He pointed at the referee. “How is this fair when it's two on one?” “And you’re complaining now after you lo-” “Silence,” The referee coldly said as he ripped Ryan’s card. “So what do you propose, Henry?” “Kick his fucking ass out. Else, ho-” Ryan rebutted immediately, “And have your random referee that ‘claimed’ to be impartial to be h-” The referee snapped his fingers. “Firstly, I am not his referee. I am only here to facilitate the game. As such, I will be as impartial and fair to the best of my ability. After all, that makes the game more fun for me to watch. Secondly, while you have a point, I will kindly ask your witness to stand beside me.” “What’s the fucking point of that?” “Then let’s add a new rule. Whoever is caught communicating with him will immediately lose. Any other objections?” The referee pulled me to the side, smirking. “Even a simple blink directed at him will be in contention for disqualification, is this clear?” Both players reluctantly agreed. The cards were dealt out once more as round nine begun: Ryan: A d (Diamonds) Henry: 5 d (Diamonds) Ryan Pot Henry (B) 127 SB 2 + 1 SB 70SB Henry flung out a chip into the pot. Both players leaned left, avoiding all eye contact with me. And I sincerely hope this was enough to swing the tides. Still, a small question stayed behind. In all my previous games with Henry, he always guessed the exact card itself. Why did he only guess the rank now? Was he underestimating Ryan or was it something else that I didn’t catch on? I hesitated for a bit. Something wasn’t right. I played with him so many times. But… Was there something else I missed? The peacock’s tail feathers stiffened. An Ace coming was definitely bad luck. His talons played with the chips; his eyes staring down at Henry’s expression. “The hell is your problem? Check or fold dammit!” “Raise to 5 SB.” More chips stacked in the centre. Did Ryan figure something out? Though I had to admit, my conscience was now lighter from being on the sidelines now. Like whatever happened to me was up to Ryan. Henry now started thinking. Wrinkles surfaced as he tapped against the table and considered his options. I had never seen this worried expression before. Not when he was toying with me. “I fold.” With both cards revealed to their players, Ryan sighed in relief. If we were on the same page now, Ryan’s strategy will lean towards folding much more often. Since he is at a chip advantage, he just needed to bleed out for 17 rounds. I brushed my hair to the side. My mind whirled in the background. Ryan was the button next round. That meant, he was going to bleed at most 25 SB. With his current lead, he could easily win this at a very slight margin. But… if another Ace came his way, this strategy would break immediately. Shattered into bits and pieces. Was this just luck now? When round ten began, I fell sick to my stomach. I covered my mouth. Visions of blood and gore flashed before my face. Was God just fucking with us right now? Both players held up their cards: Ryan: A (Spades) Henry: K c (Clubs) Ryan (B) Pot Henry 129 SB 1 + 2 SB 68 SB Ryan stood up, with his card still by his forehead, he fanned his feathers once more. “You know, I’m not as picky as you are. So I’ll let you decide what sort of bitch do you want to be?” Instead of answering, Henry stared down at the referee. “Ref, could I change the rules as well?’ “That depends.” He tilted to the side. “What sort of rule are you changing?” The owner stood up and poked against Ryan’s chest. “I only agreed to this gamble solely because I was only betting money. Why the hell are the terms changing? Isn’t this fucking biased?” The referee scratched his head. His face showed a puzzled look. “But these are the same rules you guys agreed upon?” “How the fuck is it fair? I’m betting my life now wh-” The referee pinched against his head before answering, “See, it's simple really. Initially, you were betting 50 grand while he was betting his body. Then when the bets doubled to 100 grand while you could mold his form into whatever form you like, correct?” “Ya?” “Then, his 50 grand should still be eligible to change your body. The value never changed.” “Bu-” “Plus, it's more interesting for me to see someone’s downfall right here.” He touched his chest. “That is what it means to gamble, isn’t it?” Ryan yawned. Loudly. Interrupting their conversation. “Raise to 5 SB.” “Re-raise to 20 SB.” In an instant, Henry slammed the chips to the centre. “Don’t fuck with me here.” Ryan shrugged. “Alright then, I fold.” A slow clap echoed from the referee. My stomach twisted in knots. This was too cruel to even look at, especially when it was back to back Aces. “Congratulations to Player Henry! Since Player Ryan had folded his Ace, Player Henry will now take half of Player Ryan’s stack.” The delight in Ryan’s eyes faded out as he watched half of his stack being pushed to Henry’s side. “Wa-wait, how is this possible? I- I got another Ace?’ Henry now jeered at him. “Tough luck, Riley. Have fun being my bitch, alright?” Ryan’s whole body was trembling. Few of his feathers dropped from the stress. I even covered my mouth. Disgusting. Gross. How the fuck was this even possible? Two Aces in a row? Was it cheating? Bu-but… The peacock lifted his hand up. Pants now escaped from his beak as the cards were distributed. 16 Rounds remained with the stack size being: Ryan Pot Henry (B) 63 SB 2 + 1SB 134 SB Did I throw away my one chance of saving myself… all for a sinking ship…?