FSE

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formerly SoFurry search engine

I'm not exactly sure where I am right now: Insomni said this was the Yo-kai World, but it looked more like I had entered someone's really, really bad acid trip. Almost every building had a giant, motion-following eyeball under the roof, along with talking traffic lights and strange, lit-up decorations all over the place.

While Insomni looked thrilled to see her old home, I was more concerned with the strange looks that the local Yo-kai were giving me. If I had to guess, I would say that humans aren't a usual sight around here -- I have to admit, I was a little let down that they didn't treat me like some exotic, rare animal. It would've been nice to get some attention, no matter how creepy.

"Welcome to the Yo-kai World!" Insomni exclaimed. "Where your wildest dreams can come true!"

I heard a quiet "Shut up, whore!" in the distance. I wanted to laugh, but Insomni's furious expression kept me quiet. I took her hand in mine and smiled at her, which luckily calmed her down rather easily.

"Why are we here?" I asked. "I mean, not that being here wasn't my lifelong dream," I said a bit sarcastically, "but I look a little bit out of place."

"Well, we're here to find you a job." Insomni replied. Still holding my hand, she started to lead me down a sidewalk towards some buildings. I couldn't read the words on the signs; they must be in some kind of Yo-kai language.

"A job? But I don't live in the Yo-kai World." I followed her, while continuing to look around. "I can't use Yo-kai money in the, well, human world."

"No, silly, this is job training!" Insomni explained. "If you get fired from a job in the Yo-kai World, so what? Like you said, you don't live here. This way, you'll get some hands-on training with how the work world works." Insomni stopped in our walk and floated towards me. She leaned in close, with her mouth next to my ear. "And if you're a good boy, I'll give you a real hands-on reward ...," she whispered, then gently blew in my ear. I shivered from the feeling of her breath touching me.

"Yes ma'am, I will do that." I nodded. "I'll make you and Hanako proud. What did you have in mind?" As soon as Insomni opened her mouth to answer, a familiar voice chimed in: Hanako's.

"Well, now that you ask, I have a good idea for your first try." Hanako said, appearing inbetween the two of us. We both looked down at her -- Cheeksqueek and Damona were nowhere to be seen. Hanako seemed to ignore our confusion, and continued speaking. "I'm going to attend a new clothing store opening soon, and I need someone else to attend with me."

"What for?" I asked. "I can't do security work, so what exactly am I supposed to do?"

"You're one of my 'people,' just stand there and make me look important." Hanako explained. "That's literally all you need to do. Stand there and clap." After Hanako finished explaining the "job" description, Insomni looked at me and nodded in approval.

"That sounds easy enough!" Insomni said. "Not much of a job, but it's something!"

"I'll get pretend-paid to stand there." I thought out loud. "Well, it beats doing nothing."

A short time later, Hanako and I approached the front of a very fancy-looking building. The front was practically covered in windows, each with dresses or outfits on display. Hanako's logo was displayed on one of the windows: a silouette of her head with "Designs by Hanako" written underneath it. Seeing something that, for a lack of a better word, fancy, always made me feel special to have Hanako as my friend. Normally, I would think someone of such high status wouldn't have time for some loser like myself.

Looking at Hanako, I noticed she was wearing her bright pink, fancy glasses that usually appeared whenever she was working or wanted to look professional. Gushing over how cute she looked wouldn't be professional for me right now, I had to tell myself. Save it for home where I could hug her and compliment her on how adorable she looks.

I wondered what the gathering crowd of curious Yo-kai would think if they knew that I was having sex with this Yo-kai World-famous designer. I wonder if they wouldn't believe it. Hell, I'm the one living with her and sometimes I don't believe it.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to welcome you to the newest branch of 'Fashion Watch'!" Hanako announced.

What a weird name for a store. It sounds like something made up on the fly -- like most things I've seen Yo-kai-related recently. I watched as a Yo-kai I had never met handed Hanako a large pair of scissors, and as I've seen people do on TV countless times, she cut the large red ribbon in front of the store's sliding front doors. All of the Yo-kai cheered as the place opened, and as they poured into the store, a few particular Yo-kai stopped in front of us. They were holding cameras, and one holding a microphone; a news crew.

"Miss Hanako, congratulations on this newest branch!" A female Yo-kai, clearly a reporter, exclaimed. She was blue, with curly purple hair and two red horns on both sides of her head, and she wore a very professional-looking red suit. Her eyes were a bright yellow, with blood-red pupils; if she didn't seem so friendly, I probably would've fainted from how terrifying she looked. Or how much her colors clashed.

"Thank you." Hanako bowed. "It's always fantastic to spread my designs, and the designs of others, to other Yo-kai." After she answered, the report and her camera crew looked at me; the group looked confused at the sight of me.

"Who is this ... human?" The reporter asked. "A friend of yours, Miss Hanako?"

"Oh, yes." Hanako said with a smile. "This human is my partner. I plan to spend the rest of his days with him, and hopefully get him settled into the Yo-kai World when the time comes." I heard a quiet "d'awww!" come from one of the camera men, and I blushed at the attention.

"That's fantastic, Miss Hanako!" The reporter replied. "It's not very often that humans and Yo-kai can meet!" She looked at me, and held the mic to my mouth. "Human, sir! Do you happen to possess a Yo-kai Watch? Is that how you met this famous, fantastic Yo-kai?"

"I do, actually!" I said, holding up my wrist and flashing the Zero Watch. "But for me, my glasses are specially designed Yo-kai Specs." I explained, feeling ever so special-snowflake about myself. "And for a while now, Hanako's been using me to test for-" I froze in my speech. I looked down at Hanako, who had her hand over her face, shaking her head. "I-I mean, she introduced me to how the Yo-kai Watch works, and I've never been happier!"

"Testing? On humans? Is that even safe for Yo-kai stuff?" I heard one of the camera crew mutter to another.

"Is that like animal testing? Isn't that cruel?" Another asked. I nervously looked down at Hanako, and saw that she was glaring at me, un-noticed by the reporter.

"Uh, sure!" The reporter put on a fake smile and leaned back to one of the crew. "For the love of the king, edit this freak out of this." I pretended to not hear her, for Hanako's sake. "Well, uh, this was quite fascinating. We hope to speak to you soon, Miss Hanako!" With that, the reporter and her crew vainished in a puff of blue fire. I looked down at Hanako, who was sighing and shaking her head.

"What inspirited you to make you think that was something to say on television." Hanako muttered. "I was so proud of you, and then you go off and tell the entire Yo-kai World that you're a human test subject. What if someone starts a rumor about us?!" Hanako clenched her fists and looked up at me, quite angry. I reached down and picked her up off the ground, pulling her into a hug. She struggled, but after a few seconds gave in.

"So what if they do? It would be true, anyway." I said. I started to stroke her hair, and smiled when I felt Hanako bury her face in my chest. "It'll be okay. I'm sorry I embarassed you, I'll try not to do it again."

"Okay." Hanako said, looking up at me. "Please put me down, though. I don't mind this at home, but the media would have a field day with us hugging in public like this."

"Like they're not already?" I replied, gently putting her back on the ground. "So what happens now, then?"

"We're going to pretend your little slip-up there didn't happen." Hanako said. "Clearly you're not cut out for a job with the media if you're so quick to blab all of my secrets. Maybe we should start at the bottom of the ladder and work your way up."

"Oh yeah?" I raised an eyebrow. "What did you have in mind?"

...

"Welcome to Grainpa's Rice-o-rama." I muttered. "Will you be taking Grainpa home, or having him with us today?"

Here I was, standing in a small, crowded ramen shop, dressed in a typical fast food employee's uniform and handing out empty ramen bowls to paying Yo-kai. In addition to ramen, this place's specialty was a rice dish that came straight from Grainpa -- literally. Using an ice cream scoop, Grainpa would actually take some of his body - made of rice, of course - and fill customers' dishes with it. The weirdest part was all of the Yo-kai acted like this was totally normal!

Grainpa, a Yo-kai who looked identical to Hungramps save for his robe being a cream color rather than green, was more than willing to give me a chance at my first actual job without much explaining from Hanako. He was quite a nice old man ... rice ball man ... person.

After a few customers in a row, one could see ugly holes in Grainpa's face from where he had served Yo-kai; in seconds flat, his body seemed to just restore itself. Grainpa himself looked to be in no pain, and had a smile on his face when he saw others eat his rice. It was both disgusting and kind of sweet that he enjoyed feeding everyone.

"I'm going on break!" I called to some of the Yo-kai back in the kitchen, those who prepared the sauces for customers. One of them, a Yo-kai that looked like a huge bowl of rice with shrimp on his head, gave me a wave and a nod. I walked around the counter and headed past the dining room, stepping past double doors labelled "Employees only." Luckily, Insomni had picked up something for me to eat already, and I saw it waiting for me on a table in the break room, wrapped up in a cute purple hankerchief. I quickly unwrapped it, waiting for my filling, delicious ...

Candy apples. Because of course it was. I munched on one of them , leaning against the back of my seat and looking around the empty room. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Grainpa peek into the room -- the top of his head looked caved-in, but when I looked at him, he magically returned to normal.

"How is your first day going, young man--" Grainpa's cheerful greeting paused when he looked at me. I looked over at him, and saw him pointing at the apple in my hand. "What is that?"

"It's a caramel apple. My friend packed me a few of them to eat." I replied. "Would you like one?"

"That's not rice." Grainpa said, walking into the room. "We eat rice in this building, young man." As he approached me, Grainpa threw out his hand and slapped the apple out of my grasp. "If you want to insult me, you're doing quite a job of it."

"Hey!" I protested. I looked at the apple on the floor -- the caramel was already making a little puddle. "I was eating that!" I looked at Grainpa, who looked furious. "What's the big deal?"

"We eat rice here, young man. We love rice. Rice is the best food known to this world and all others!" Grainpa exclaimed. "We don't get sick of rice, or tired of rice. Rice is what gives us life, young man." He pointed to the door. "If you don't agree, you can kindly leave and take your non-rice garbage food with you."

"But it was an accident!" I said. "I'm sorry, this was just what she packed for me!"

"The fact that you associate with those who wouldn't have rice as their first idea for food isn't helping your case." Grainpa said. "You're a fine young man, but I can't allow this. I have to make an example of you and let you go. If you come to your senses one day and devote your taste buds to rice, we'll talk."

"Fine, fine. I'm sorry." I said. Grainpa nodded at me, and left the room. I cleaned up the gooey, caramel mess on the floor and tossed the remaining apples into a nearby trash can. With a groan of frustration, I left the room and headed for one across the hall; the employee locker room.

While I changed back into my regular clothes, I felt a familiar presence behind me -- along with that presence's usual nagging voice.

"Why did you throw the other apples away?!" Insomni had appeared behind me. Although I wasn't facing her, I knew she looked furious. "I could've eaten those!"

"The fact that you were watching and hiding without helping me doesn't make me feel better." I said quietly, now buttoning my pants and zipping them back up. "That's two jobs down. Is there anything else you'd like to embarass me with before we go home?"

"As a matter of fact, there is!" Insomni said with a smile.

...

I didn't know Yo-kai had movie theaters. I didn't know Yo-kai had movies.

At least the popcorn was as buttery and unhealthy as it is back home.

Insomni's idea was for me to try selling tickets at the Yo-kai World's single movie theater. It seemed easy enough -- take the money, print out a ticket, and don't eat rice. I got to see a lot of new Yo-kai as well; mermaids, cats, demons, all kinds of creatures that I would only see in horror movies and books.

"Hello, and welcome to ..." my scripted greeting was cut off by a large shadow looming over me. I looked up, seeing a huge, buff, red oni Yo-kai standing in front of me. He could barely fit into the building, and had to lean down to face me. He thrust one of his huge hands close to the counter, breaking part of it off -- a few bills dropped lazily on the cracked wooden counter in front of me. I quickly scooped it up and printed him off a little ticket, my hand trembling as I placed it on his palm. The entire building shook as the oni walked around the counter, but none of the Yo-kai behind him seemed to notice.

"Oh, look at this!" A female's voice rang out through the lobby. I cringed at the sound of it -- I knew full well who it was, and she was just here to fuck with me. "Mr. Movien's new film that has been locked up tight from being spoiled to the public! What a shame!" The voice continued. I groaned and looked up, seeing that Netaballerina was perched on one of the counter's support pillars and twirling in place on top of it. She posed and looked down at me, giving me a wink.

"Don't you dare!" I snapped at her. "Get outta here! Can't you read?" I pointed to the wall next to me: a large poster reading "RATED NB: NOT SUITABLE FOR NETABALLERINA" written on it in large text. A mugshot photo of Netaballerina was above the text, and she was winking and sticking out her tongue at the camera. I moved my hand from that wall to another, showing that multiple copies of the warning had been posted all over the theater. "You're not welcome here!"

"Oh, you're just being silly!" Netaballerina teased. She leaned over, placing her hand near her mouth as if she wanted to whisper something. "I won't tell everyone that the villain isn't really the villain!" I heard a loud, concentrated groan of annoyance from the line of customers in front of me. I walked out from around the counter and headed to the door -- next to it, a fire extingusher hung on the wall with a glass box next to it. "BREAK IN CASE OF NETABALLERINA" was written on the front in large, red test. Using a little hammer dangling by a string next to it, I shattered the box and reached in, pulling out ... what looked like a normal taser. A little black one, just like human police would use. I flicked the red switch on the front, seeing it begin to violently spark.

"Have you really done this so many times that they want me to hurt you?" I asked, looking up at Netaballerina only to see that she was gone. I turned around, seeing that she was twirling around the floor in front of the food court, seeing that she was approaching a snake-like Yo-kai buying popcorn. "Don't do it!" I yelled, running towards her.

"Just so you know, the main character has a horrible dis-ea-eas-Riii-na-na-na-na-na-na-na!" I shut her up by jabbing the shocking tool into her side, causing Netaballerina to flail wildly while still trying to talk. The snake looked at me, raising an eyebrow, and I shrugged my shoulders. Part of the job, I guess. When I pulled away, Netaballerina fell to the floor in a charred heap. She coughed a small puff of black smoke, and looked up at me. "But I didn't tell him that--"

"Nope." I shook my head and jabbed her arm.

"Riiiiii-na-na-na-the-main-guy-has-a-disease-na-na-na-na-riiiina!" Luckily, no one seemed to hear that but me; they couldn't, due to the loud sounds of the cackling electricity. I pulled the taser away again, and looked at the smoking figure that was Netaballerina -- still cute, even when she smelled like fire.

"Have you learned your lesson yet?" I asked, helping her stand. She twirled in place, and in an instant she looked normal once again, without a sign of any contact with my tool.

"I'm sorry." Netaballerina nodded. "You taught me that-" she slapped her hands on both sides of her mouth to draw out her voice, "THE MAIN CHARACTER'S FATHER BUILT HIM IN A LAB AND HE WAS A ROBOT THIS WHOLE TIME!"

"AWWWWWWWWWWW!" I heard the crowd exclaim. I heard a stray "damn it!" come from the back.

"That's it!" I yelled. I pushed the taser's switch up to a higher power and moved towards Netaballera; as soon as I stepped forward, she moved and smiled as I tripped over her foot which just happened to be in my path, sending the taser flying out of my hand and across the room ... until it met the brown loincloth-covered rear of the red oni from earlier. Thanks to his size, the oni clearly wasn't hurt, but the surprise of being shocked was enough to make him drop his popcorn bag and huge soda. He froze in his walk, looking down at his ruined, expensive snacks.

I froze and watched the massive creature; I think it took both of us a moment to register what happened. When the oni started to tremble from anger, I started to tremble in fear. He turned around faster than he should be able to for someone of his size, clearly looking for the target of his rage; his eyes laid on me, with a smirking Netaballerina spinning around me in a circle, her hands on her head in a ballerina pose. The oni started to stomp towards me, letting out a loud, angry roar as he approached.

"Spoiler alert: You're fucked!" Netaballerina whispered, giggling as she twirled away.

When the oni had entered, he had been taking care to not destroy the building around him. Thanks to his anger, those manners went right out the window ... along with a chair, a trash can, and a small Yo-kai child. I stood still, my legs paralyzed with fear as the huge demon continued to walk, looking furious at the sight of me.

"Helphelphelphelphelp!" I stammered over and over again, digging into my pockets and pulling out anything I could grab -- stale pieces of popcorn Yo-kai had dropped, ripped ticket stubs, a straw wrapper, and finally a Yo-kai Medal. Hoping I was wearing the correct watch, I shoved it into the slot. When I looked down, I saw that I was wearing the Zero watch. Whew.

Couldn't celebrate too long, though -- a huge red foot was in front of me. I should probably get moving. I turned and started to run out of the theater, barely pushing my way through the huge crowd that was also trying to get away. As the oni roared, I fumbled with the watch's crank while running, trying to focus on my summon and not falling on my face. I turned the watch's crank to 1, and the rainbow path started to form. Surprisingly, since I was moving, the rainbow followed behind me.

The Eerie music started to play as ... Hanako started to spin down it. I was hoping that it was her medal, since I didn't know what Insomni could really do besides piss this big guy off more. Hanako continued to move down the path, saluting me with a smile as the music ended. I sighed in relief and turned the crank to 2.

"Summoning Eerie." The watch announced. I held out my arms as I ran, catching Hanako when she fell in front of me.

"Hanako--I'm moving?" She sounded a bit confused when starting to announce her name -- instead of floating in place, she had practically fallen into my arms. "What's going on?" She asked me.

"The watch kept you with me, I guess!" I replied. I lifted her up, letting her see the furious demon behind me. "That's what's going on! It was Netaballerina's fault!"

"Gargaros, otherwise known as Red Oni." Hanako explained as I ran. "Usually he appears if you leave your home when you're not supposed to. What did you do to him?" She asked.

"I hit him in the butt with a taser." I replied. "I was trying to stop Netaballerina from ruining a movie for everyone, and she tripped me."

"Yeah, that'll happen." Hanako said as I went back to holding her close to me. She looked forward, seeming much more calm that I could ever be. "Take a left here." I nodded and turned on my heels, running towards a small group of buildings. Why she wanted me to lead Gargaros to a populated area was beyond me, but I knew better than to question Hanako. As we made our way forward, I saw the sign on one of the buildings: "Gnomey Cleaning And Repair." Why would she pick this place?

Oh well, we'll soon see!

I pushed open the building's double doors with my foot, running inside with the giant red monster at my heels. The doorway crumbled as he entered, but luckily I dove behind a large stack of wooden planks before he could see me. I poked my head over the wood and watched in awe as I saw a group of tiny Yo-kai climb up the wall, repairing the doorway in mere seconds. Gargaros looked around, still fuming as he couldn't find us. I looked around for anything that could possibly stop him: there was a large sign advertising a sale hanging from the ceiling, another stack of wood, a large puddle of water with a caution sign next to it that he could easily fall on ...

That'll do it.

"Hey, ugly! Come over here and say that to me!" I yelled at him. Gargaros looked at me, scratching his head in confusion.

"I said nothing to human!" Gargaros replied. "Human confusing me. That makes me angry!" He yelled, roaring at me. I could feel myself shivering in fear, combined with Hanako reaching up and smacking the back of my head from my stupidity. I ducked down behind the wood as Gargaros stomped towards me, his height making him unable to notice the water at his feet -- as if on cue, he indeed slipped and fell to the floor, landing on his red rump. When he fell, the entire building shook, with the ceiling crumbling. A large piece of it fell hard on his head, knocking him out instantly. His head hit the floor and knocked more ceiling down on him, holding him in place.

I looked down at Hanako -- she had somehow pulled out the Yo-kai Pad from nowhere and was looking up Gargaros's profile. She looked up at me and smiled, giving me a thumbs-up. Good job watching him fall, I guess.

"Thank you!"

Hanako and I looked around, trying to find the source of the tiny voice that seemed to come from nowhere. I squinted, seeing something small on top of the wood in front of me: it was a little Yo-kai! It was bug-like in size, and looked like a Japanese villager from centuries ago. wearing a blue robe with a net held over his shoulder. Was this a Gnomey?

"Hello there!" He said. "I'm Gnomey! Welcome to our business!" Well, that answers that question. "Thank you for stopping Gargaros from destroying our place! It would've taken us at least twenty minutes to rebuild, and that's time we don't have!" Gnomey smiled at me. "If there's anything we can do for you, please let us know!"

"Nah, that's not necessary!" I said, shaking my head. "I can't think of ..." I paused. "Well, there is one thing ..."

Later, back at home, I marvelled with a smile at the brand new, totally repaired, shiny from door of my apartment. It looked fantastic, just like I had bought one from the store. I looked from the door down to my hand, seeing a red-framed Yo-kai medal in my grasp: the art was of a Gnomey peeking from behind a Japanese scroll with a big smile on his face.

Medals are more than just a Yo-kai's sign of friendship; apparently, they can also act as a business card. The head Gnomey had told me just to summon the gang if I ever needed more help in the future, and I happily obliged. While I was thrilled with the easy door repair, Insomni wasn't too happy. She floated next to me, looking somewhat annoyed.

"You almost destroyed a small city, and you're getting away with it." She said with a huff, crossing her arms. "How is this going to help you get a job?"

"I think I'll stick to being a mooch." I replied. "Besides, you saw how I handle the workforce. Do you really want to brag to your friends about that?"

"... Good point." Insomni nodded. She sighed, shaking her head. "All's well that ends well, I guess. Come on, you can get dinner started."

"Yes, mistress." I smiled, walking into the apartment after Insomni floated through the door. Sure, I may have totally lucked out and got to keep my home, but that doesn't mean my life was in the clear. Insomni's words from our first meeting would continue to be true: once a Yo-kai enters my life, things will never be quite the same.