Sella on the Wind
#1 of Stories
Something I wrote about six years ago.
Albert, Albert Where are you? I yell as I run out of the sliding glass door onto the patio. He has to be around here somewhere, it's the middle of winter, five feet of snow on the ground and he runs out here without his coat? Brother, where have you gone? I slide to a stop when I reach the lawn. Did he go to the cleft in the hill? No... To his favorite spot? Maybe... I run to the age old stream of my youth now covered in a shroud of white satin. Albert feels at rest here. The distant memories of clothes drying in the breeze and mothers soft voice singing the words of Sella make tears well in my eyes. Oh I know where he is, under the old maple tree barren and leafless. Knelt behind a wall of snow at the base I see him bright as day. I run over to him and hug him. While calming his shrieks and wails barely audible over the blowing wind, I look into his eyes. I know that look, that sad disparaging look of someone who is alone with their thoughts. The snow around where he kneels has been flung and pushed away in distress. The tears running down his cheeks turn to ice as they hit the snow "What is wrong?" I say to my brother "what made you run away?" In his higher pitched 13 year old voice he says "she always knew what to do, what to say, how to make everything turn out alright, now she's not here and I'm alone. His gaze fixes on a tombstone that reads Anna Maye Creston. "She knew me; she knew all of me" with teeth chattering he continues "Gregory...why did she have to leave us? Why is she gone? Why couldn't I have gone instead...?" His words turn to tears as he cries. I hold him in a warm embrace; an embrace only two brothers can share, I put his head on my shoulders. I comfort him and dry up his tears with my soft voice "shh... its okay, I'm here for you". I look into his eyes. "Parson Jacobson is wrong, you know that, you are a good person; you are pure". Albert speaks again, his voice cracking, "Parson Jacobson doesn't think so, why would he say I should be burned with all of the other heathens of the world". "He says in church every Sunday "do not sin for then you become the children of Satan and are destined to do his will". His body shivering as I say "Albert... that is why I stopped going to that church there, I have tried reasoning with him but father insists on bringing you along, his only good son I guess. Parson Jacobson is a bad person, with bad ideals and no one should listen to him. He has the same ideals about the Negroes that live around here, they have the right to exist just as any of us do." "They don't do anything wrong Albert says softly." "No they don't, they don't deserve that kind of treatment." "Remember Albert I will be with you in every decision you make and I believe that what you are is a good thing, has reason and a purpose. What right does a backwoods preacher have to say that you are going to hell for being in love..."? "No right I guess", Albert says looking into my eyes. "Albert...You are not going to be condemned for being yourself... No matter what type of person you love, I know it is a foreign feeling that you have. I know it for sure, I realized you were this way, I'm like you, and I have that feeling". "The feeling that goes against everything you have ever been taught but you know in your heart that it is true and can never be wrong; it is ingrained in your soul and mind". "Mother would have told you that... but I'm here in her stead and I know that is what she would say because she had that same talk to me 7 years ago when you were still young". "She did? Albert says with wide eyes". "Yeah I say enthusiastically, remember that mail boy named Josha?" "Um...I think Albert says." "He was my first love, mom found us in the back gazebo kissing; Albert lets out a short laugh and grins a sheepish grin. Josha ran away and never came back. That's when Mother said to me "Be yourself in every way possible and never doubt; for being true to yourself is the best reward, more than all the gold and riches in the world". "She really said that?" "Yes she did Albert and I wish she was here to say it to you but we cannot dwell on the past. I'm here for you and that's all that matters." "Thank you so much for being around Gregory, I didn't mean to run outside, I just needed to get away from the words that were being said, Albert said, hugging me tighter". "No worries... Albert it will all turn out alright, ill explain to father and tell him never to invite Parson Jacobson to our dinner parties any more. We try to rise to our feet, but Albert is too weak to stand. "Well at least we know now that father won't have any grand-children" I say in jest. "Serves him right Albert says, him being too cheap and not getting the doctor out to see mother when she really needed it. It's his loss because we are brothers and we will take care of each other. He will have no one." "Yeah" I say surprised at my brother's words. As my brother regains his strength I take Albert in my arms and carry him back to the house. As I walk I hear the vocal words of Sella on the breeze. I wonder what mother must have know, what she got from that poem, In singing that poem so sweet what was she longing for?