FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Chapter 5

I had just gotten out of the room where "Anonymous" had been keeping me. My objectives: find out where they were keeping Ivory and find out the details of their plans. Once both goals were achieved, the next one would be to put a stop to said plans, which I had no idea how I was going to do.

The walkie talkie I had acquired from that Anonymous was beginning to pick up signals from... other Anonymous-es? This might seem odd, but the device had nothing but a receiver, a speaker and the screen; it had nothing like buttons, dials, battery compartments or anything else. Similarly behaved the strange weapon, which had only a trigger, and no ammonutions deposite, safety, or anything similar. Alarmed voices were heard through the walkie-talkie, sounding the alert in different languages, but all the voices were those of adult males. There was not a single woman or a single child among Anonymous ranks... effectively complying with Rule 29: "In the internet all girls are men and all kids are undercover FBI agents". Eventually I listened the reason for the alert: somebody had learned of my escape mere seconds after having made it, and now they were about to notify the Leader. I hid in a particularly dark zone, where I could listen in on them without being discovered for the time being.

"Leader Anonymous!" I heard. "We bring news."

"Whats happening?" said the Leader. "It has been second since those alerts lost all point according to Rule 21: 'Original content is only original for a few seconds before getting old'. What's going on that merits violating that rule?"

"It's the furfag, sir, the one we were forcing to play The Game. He has just escaped. The chair he was strapped to is empty and the /b/rother who was watching him has been found unconscious. His weapon is gone, along with his intercommunicator."

"Do you have pictures?"

"What?"

"PICTURES! Photographic evidence of his evasion!"

"Sir, how do you expect us to have pictures? There was nobody else in that room except the two of them!"

"RULE 32: 'YOU MUST HAVE PICTURES TO PROVE YOUR STATEMENTS'! And NO ONE has them, so as far as we care, that fox is still a prisoner, and the guard is still standing!"

Then... an impulse took me over. Emulating Bruce Willis in Die Hard, I thought to mock Rule 32...

"Would you be convinced if I tell you myself I'm no longer a prisoner and my guard is on the floor?" I maliciously remarked over the intercommunicator. The Leader hesitated for a couple instants before responding:

"Who is this?"

"It's me, Leader. The 'special prisoner'. And let me tell you something, buddy: you messed with the wrong fox! I know who you guys are. And sooner than now, I'll make sure the rest of the world does to. Sooner than now, I'm gonna save my friend, find out your plans, and thwart them from here to whenever I like. I dare you guys to come and stop me." And I stored the intercommunicator into my pocket.

Leaving my hiding spot and starting to walk down a hallway, I realized something... When I was talking to my guard as well as when I was daring the Leader, I spoke completely perfectly, without hesitating, with my ideas totally organized. Why? I have no idea. It was as if I was in the middle of some trashy adventure novel written only to please its author... who knows.

Now... the next thing I'm going to describe, I'm not sure if it truly happened, because I wasn't there, but I've always liked scenes in movies where the villain gives orders and scolds his subordinates, so there should be no problem with fantasizing about what the Leader told his henchmen, should there? =P

Anyway... Turns out, uh... hm, let me see what I come up with. I got it.En fin... Resulta que, este... hm, a ver qué se me ocurre. Lo tengo. The Leader, in... wherever he was, surrounded by several henchmen, told them this:

"Well, you heard him. We've all heard him. We have all heard how the fox dared us to stop him, haven't we?"

"Yes..." they answered.

_"Good. STOP HIM!" _

The place I was going through was not as dark as that room, but it was maze-like. It was a network of hallways along which there were tons of doors, with signs that I didn't bother reading... most of the time. I had to orient myself by a map displayed on the intercommunicator, and there were doors leading to more hallways, it was necessary to turn a lot of corners, and a curious buzzing sound like that of an AC was constantly heard, giving off the feeling that I was inside a refrigerator. As with the room, the only illumination came from rows of little ceiling lamps. According to the map, there was a prison area somewhere in Anonymous' base of operations. No doubt, Ivory would be there.

Soon I found an Anonymous in front of me, standing guard in front of a door I needed to cross. He was walking side to side, holding the strange weapon. He hadn't seen me; as soon as he turned, I sneaked behind him, hitting him on the head with the grip of my own weapon. "Yes!", I thought to myself triumphantly. I opened the door I had to cross, and-- MOTHER!

There was another Anonymous right in front of me. "Stop right there, furfag!", he ordered. I grabbed my own weapon, fired, and-- DOUBLE TRIPLE MOTHER! It was a FLAMETHROWER!

The gun launched a big blast of fire on the Anonymous, and he started screaming and running in all directions while on fire. On my hand, after hesitating for a bit, hollered in panic again like when the TV thing happened, and took off running down the new hallway.... When I had the chance (and the ba... boldness), I turned back to see what had happened to the Anonymous. He had burned so much his clothes had been ruined, and the incinerated remains of his dead body were visible through it.

Hey, I may be an adventure story hero, but I'm quite above mercilessly murdering my enemies. Also, I've been scared of fire for as long as I can remember, so you may be able to imagine I was not one damn bit amused that my only ranged defense was a flamethrower with the power to leave a man as if he'd just come back from the surface of the Sun. I had, then, three available means of defense: one was my cunning, which I wouldn't see many chances to utilize. Secondly, the flamethrower. And third, to run... and I happen to be in terrible shape, unable to run without getting exhausted seconds later. I was at a disadvantage.On the other hand, what about that strength I kicked the guard in the spheres with? It hadn't seemed to overcome me again.

Trying to recover a little, I went on... and was soon cut off by more Anonymous! I didn't have the courage to shoot... I ran away. They chased after me. I deviated tremendously from my intented path, fleeing as well as I could... The map showed me an empty room in which to hide for a moment. I entered...

...and stumbled upon the room, which was huge, not being empty, but occupied by the most horrendous thing I'd seen in my life. I've seen horrifying things while finding out about I-net culture... even this one. But never like this!

It was a giant teddy bear with tufts of fur on the cheeks, constantly smiling like some kind of psychopath. None other than the "Pedobear" itself... I will soon explain how I know his name, but for now, suffice to say he was 25 feet tall, he had seen me... and he was thinking of hurting me.

I would run, but I most of my strength was already depleted. He grabbed me with a gigantic fingerless hand and took me to his face so I could look at him eye to eye. He licked his lips... what was he going to do? Eat me? I mean, chew me up and swallow me? He definitely couldn't... he wasn't that big.

"Listen, freak", I spat out, "I'm 18! I don't know what you're planning to do with me, but you're ten years too late... and even then, you couldn't have done anything after my mother slashed you apart herself."

Unimpressed, he opened his maw and took me to it. I didn't think there was any way to outsmart him, or run, so I had to resort to option 3: throwing flames. As well as I could, I pulled my arm out, held the flamethrower and shot him in the face. He let out a scream that would have given even Jason Voorhees a fright, and dropped me...

I fell to the floor. Hit myself pretty hard, and getting up was a terrible effort. With extreme difficulty, I managed to reach the door... behind which my previously pursuing Anonymous were. I closed it immediately before they could get at me. Meanwhile, the raging bear closed in on me dangerously for an attack. Unable to run or attack, it had came to keep outsmarting my adversaries. Instants before the bear reached me, I managed to dodge sideways, and the bear came out through the wall, demolishing it.

I peeked through the immense hole the bear had left in the wall. The Anonymous were busy trying to control the bear, which roared furiously and charged against his masters. I got away from the hole, trying for nobody to see me, and rested a little from the violent fall.

I checked the map. How far away was I from my course? Not a lot, it seemed. After a while, I felt better, and peeked through the hole again. There the poor Anons were, still trying to contain the bear, shooting him and asking for reinforcements. How will I distract them, I thought.

It occured to me that I could emply the old method of throwing a stone far away so that they, going to see what had that been, went to investigate and I could sneak off. Except, of course, I had no stones, but that wasn't a problem. With utmost care, I aimed the flamethrower at a wall behind them and shot a fireball, which whizzed past and hit the wall in a small explosion. Everyone, including the bear, turned to see... and I immediately took off running, determined to return to my former path.

But the Anons saw me and began chasing me again, and the bear, having recognized me, decided he wanted to avenge his burned face, and chased me as well. Soon I had to begin forgetting about my fears and begin shooting at people (trying, mind you, not to hit them) once they started doing so as well (having, however, to avoid their fire).

How was I supposed to reach that prison area when everyone and their uncle was after me? I took out the intercommunicator to consult the map... Tried to reach the path towards the prison area as best as I could, but I couldn't barge in and save Ivory with almost the entire planet Earth behind me. I suddenly spotted something on the map... a shortcut! There was a door I could go into and shave off some of the way. Soon I reached it... I went through it and closed it. I heard my pursuers go right past it. I had evaded them.

I started to ponder. What was it that kept me fighting? It's impressive, but I've never felt so full of life anytime in my idem. I'm quite the pot-bellied weakling, and the most exersice I've made is when I've gone out for a walk. Also, I wear glasses, and I'm always scared that they'll be shattered and stuck in my eyes. But there was something, something, that seemed to have transformed me into some kind of action hero. What was it? My wit? I won't claim to be as clever as Aesop's foxes either, although I'm a bit of that... But cleverness had nothing to do with it. What if it was that sudden strength...? No, it couldn't be, I hadn't hit anyone again. Well, whatever it was, it didn't matter. It was time to-NO! Good God, NOO!

You'd never believe this. I could tell the tale a thousand times, 'get pictures', return to the place to see if there's surveillance footage, find it and show it to you, and you'd still not believe what I had just seen.

What appeared on the map as a shortcut to the prison area, turned out to be... you guys ready not to believe me?

It turned out to be no less than a stage where there was the very Rick Astley n person, performing his 1987 hit 'Never Gonna Give You Up'. That's right, they had tricked me into going through that door believing it would lead me to the prison area, and it led instead to this man singing. I swear I did not just make any of that up... they beat me to it, and in the early days the prank was about a duck.

Well... ah, what the heck! I began to sing along with Rick, who danced on stage as if he was still twenty years old. What a guy, this Rick Astley. I could even tell you he loves the prank and has even personally thanked AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH......

I mean, a trap door had just opened beneath my feet.