Afterdark (Ch. 20)
#51 of Child of the Sands
So, between the full time job and school resuming, I've not had nearly as much time to write as I wanted, but I'm still making progress! Well, lets be honest, a significant chunk of my time's been taken up by... a different recreational project, in a different direction from what I've done in the past. Keeping a tight lid on it for now, I want to finish book 2 of CotS before I open that can of worms.
And yes, book 2 is almost over. I say that like it makes any difference, but it means the overriding plot arc of Nikolak and Kalokin's affliction is almost settled. Huzzah!
Shouyousei didn't have words to respond with. Not at first, not for a while. When she did speak, it was from confusion... she didn't quite understand the ramifications. "Kalokin's... soul? What has he been until now? Didn't you just say his soul was of the Naga? She looked around the gothic cathedral that was suspiciously lacking in religious paraphernalia, and added another question. "And what exactly is this place? I'd think it was your soul, but it's so... empty."
Nikolak exhaled, concentrating. She looked like a cracked coal ready to explode with heat, veins of fire showing through her short fur, but with that breath, her fire dimmed, enough that the heat rolling off of her wouldn't discomfort the wolf. Her arm rippled and convulsed, until a burning orange seed surfaced on her palm, shedding light bright as the sun. "Forgive me, I've been lax in the translation... this, this is my soul... Belluosus' soul. The soul of a god, one of fire and chaos and panic, one of adrenaline and energy and life. It has long been in my care, but it has never belonged to me. Tonight, with your help, I finally laid claim to it, as he had wished me to do so long ago."
She touched Shouyousei's breastbone, pulling gently. Shou felt the force, felt it tugging at her very being, in a way that almost made her recoil backwards... but this was Nikolak. Had anyone else tried it, she'd have punched lightning into their face, but this force came from within as much as it did from without, and she trusted the Ember to not do her harm. After a few moments, a similar spark of light surfaced on Shou's skin. Nikolak dragged it down her arm, never once letting it leave her until Shou cupped it in the palm of her hand. "This is your soul, the soul of a mortal." It was nowhere near as bright as Nikolak's, but it wasn't supposed to be. "Your soul is fundamentally different. When a new mortal is born, a new soul is created, drawing form from that of its parents. Your soul is filled with reflections... echoes of every one of your ancestors, imprints of its heritage. If we had the time and the inclination, we could trace your ancestry all the way back to the wolves Belluosus himself created. My soul is empty because..." She shrugged. "Because it is. Mortal souls are be created, from each other or from a deity that sparks them, but no force I ever knew, in all my time as both Belluosus and Nikolak, was ever able to create a godseed, an immortal's soul." She relaxed, and both canines' souls sank back beneath the surface. "My soul is empty, because of what I am, and it has stayed that way because of who I am."
Her soul wasn't quite empty though. Beneath the cathedral, there lay extensive catacombs, a maze of tunnels where the dark was thick enough that it clung to the form like a cloak. There, her secrets lay buried. There, something wicked heard her falsehood, and laughed. Chains scraped over stone as it stirred, and the ground seemed to shiver in anticipation. A change swept over Nikolak with that cold sound. Her fires dulled almost to extinction, and she grabbed Shou's hand and started tugging her towards the door.
"Shou, we must leave, you have stayed too long as it is."
The deity began pushing, forcing Shou out, but not before she caught a glimpse of what Nikolak was trying to hide. Blood and sand, beneath a sky that burned like fire. A solitary Naga, laughing atop a sand dune as three warriors strode towards him. It was a painful memory in more ways than one, but Shou lacked the perspective to really understand the glimpse of emotion she'd seen. "But! We healed you, right? Why must I leave?"
They reached the doors. Abruptly, everything vanished, save for Nikolak's voice in her ear. "You should know Shou... stand too close to the fire, and you'll be burned. It is dangerous for any mortal to leave their body untended for so long, especially whilst visiting me. Just relax... try to move slowly... let your blood carry you..."
She did as she was bade, but the laugh concerned her. It was cold and humorless... the kind of laugh that brought no happiness to the world. That, combined with the darkness should have terrified her, but the darkness almost felt... comforting. She was worried by what... thing... could have made such an empty, heartless noise, but the dark swaddled her exactly like a blanket. It was heavy, but comfortingly so. It reminded her of nights she'd stayed up far too late, reading books under the covers with a flashlight, and of stormy nights spent huddled beneath the covers, trusting her quilt to protect her with the infallible certainty that such comforts have.
The fabric-like darkness shielded her from her worries, guarded her from despair, and as she relaxed, it lifted her, bearing her upwards... no. Outwards. She spread in all directions, eventually recognizing the sensation of a mortal body she was still learning to feel confident in. The world around her was regaining sound and smell, but not yet sight. Then she settled fully back into her skin and immediately regretted that she was surrounded by such bright light.
Agony pounced through her head like a drum. A pained whimper escaped and she flinched from the light around her. Khaesho's scales were tight around her, and at her feeble attempts to shield her eyes, he more thoroughly covered her face. "Kalokin, she's waking up! Darken the car. Easy Shou, one thing at a time."
A plastic water bottle was pressed to her lips, and she drank gratefully, securely ensconced in her lover's scales. After she'd had her fill, she made another attempt at opening her eyes, but failed due to the miniature suns that had somehow found their way into the van. Their searing glare pained her all the more when she realized her eyes were still closed. Speech; some attempt at it needed making, but to her ears, her voice sounded dim and far away. "K...Kaesh..."
"shhhh... slowly, Shou." Khaesho's coils rippled around her, sheltering her, comforting her... restraining her? no, that couldn't be right. He was just holding her tight, as he was prone to do when worried. "You can keep your eyes closed for now, it takes a little while to re-aquiant yourself with physical sensation if you've been gone for too long. Just talk to me... are you alright?"
Even with her eyes closed, she could feel them; she could feel everything now, with that sight not quite like vision. Four suns surrounded her; one, a cracked ember she knew well, leaking heat. One, a dormant volcano, brimming with latent fire. One, an iron heart that shone with a cool splendor. One, a livewire, a vibrant thunderbolt caught mid-strike, held suspended. Their light was blinding until the ember, Nikolak, pulled an instinct Shou didn't know she had, and her vision faded until it no longer hurt. Before that happened though, she noticed a fifth, all but drowned out in the powerful burn of the others. The last was a snowflake by comparison, a tiny speck of existence the pulled warmth from the world to survive. Cautiously, she opened her eyes thankful that the back of the truck was dark.
Shou carefully tested her limbs, feeling blood slump its way through them. Pins and needles jabbed at her nerves as if they'd been asleep, which they may well have been. Looking around the car, she saw five tiny serpents, lounging in various positions. Two she recognized, two she didn't, and one so small she realized that it wasn't actually there, just an illusion cast to keep up appearances. They were so warm, well... four of them were. Kalokin looked cold and small, lonely and afraid. So - unaware of what she was actually doing - she exhaled softly and flared her own heat towards it. Would it spark like an ember and turn into an inferno? Or would she melt it..?
The warmth that wasn't quite warmth almost seemed to melt the fragile thing, but in being damaged, it grew stronger, freezing back into place a little stronger, a little colder. How curious, it melted and returned. So she did it again, fascinated by the crystalline structures within. Something flashed deep it as it reshaped, something primal, intrinsic to its nature, and only barely restrained. While she observed this, she hazarded an attempt at speech. "My head hurts... But I'm okay. Did I hit it when I fainted..?"
Kalokin, or the illusion of him, looked ill at ease. It wasn't just him though; she could read their all their faces, their postures. Tension and anxiety were rife through the group, perhaps even bordering on... fear? Yes... she could smell it. No... not smell... that odd extrasensory could feel it. Could feel their fear, and it made her hungry, made her yearn to chase, to hunt. That was wrong though... this was her family, with a few she didn't know yet, but family all the same. Her observance was interrupted by a certain blue snake with a knack for getting into trouble. His voice was as it always was; cool, calm, and nonchalant. He could have been ordering a hamburger, or suggesting a shirt for her to try on. "You did hit your head, but not in a physical sense. How much do you remember?"
She knew him well enough to know he was worried, soulless wisp or no. Nikolak's soul was smiling though, and that was enough to prompt a shy grin of her own. "I... Gazed into your soul, didn't I? You and Nikolak. That's right, I remember that. I hadn't meant to, I only wanted to... well, kiss you..." She blushed a little, but memories got a little harder after that. "I remember seeing you two, and trying to help Nikolak and then... something changing. There was darkness and the worst suffocating kind of cold, and then-" She glanced at Nikolak and bit her tongue. She didn't mention the souls, and she didn't mention Kalokin's doppelganger. Mostly because that wasn't her secret to share. Anyone else would have immediately jumped on that, but her glance to Nikolak confirmed what the Naga suspected. Kalokin, and Khaesho by extent, valued trust above everything, and they'd back her silence in keeping Nikolak's secret, even if they didn't know what it was. An odd moment passed, Shel, Ghoz, and Bhal clearly wanting to pry, with Kalo and Khaesh silently supporting Shou. To prevent an awkward question, Kalokin filled in the blanks that he knew.
"You soul gazed Nikolak and I in the midst of our admittedly less than stable resonance. Then while you two kissed and made friendly, something happened to shatter the bond between Nikolak and I. It was quite traumatic on our end, haven't felt that kind of pain since your apartment. It took me several seconds to reorient myself, and when I got back, it looked like Nikolak had devoured your soul, then gone dormant. I didn't know what else to do, so I fetched the family." He delivered everything in the same nonchalant, emotionless, vaguely chipper tone that he always used when separated from Niko. It was a kind of accent you had to be truly emotionless to really speak. "By the way, Meet Bhalxash, the sparky one, and Ghozumal, the heavy one."
Her gaze flitted to the two new serpents and she gave a dazed bob of her head. "Hul'lo." She tried to move, to get an arm free to reach for Nikolak, and that definitively confirmed that Khaesho was holding tight to intentionally restrict her movement. He gave her a quiet glance, begging her not to move with his eyes, and she assented. Something was wrong, and she wasn't going to do anything drastic until she knew what.
The yellow newcomer, Bhalxash, was a sprightly yellow slip of a thing, that looked like a snake she'd seen in a book once... one that liked to pull on branches to launch itself through the air. Ghozumal was an anaconda, the largest of the group. He looked somehow heavier than he should have been, moving slowly as if great mass and inertia guided every movement.
Bhalxash gave a few half-honest attempts at English before she simply spoke in Sandtongue. Even then, her voice seemed... informal? Her brain always itched at recognizing the soft slithering words, evidence of Kalokin's tampering. He'd promised that she'd soon feel naturally bilingual, but it felt quite odd to understand a language she didn't know. *It's great to meet you Shouyousei, we've heard loads about you from Kalokin and Shelandra. I just wish we'd met you under...* She shrugged a little before attempting something polite. *Less dire circumstances?*
Khaesho hissed violently; the noise filled with protective intent, more than a little anger, and... fear? Something was on all their minds, but none had yet to say what. "There aren't any dire circumstances. Shou is fine, and there's nothing to worry about it." He didn't sound like he believed it though, and his coils remained almost painfully tight.
Shou looked shifted uncomfortably in his grip, thoughtfully glancing between them. "Dire..? Again..? And here I hoped you'd gathered for a celebration..." She was being honest; Nikolak's healing was something worth celebrating, certainly, but then again, they didn't know that part yet. She shifted again, thankful that she was stronger than she had been... If she'd been a normal wolf, Kesh might have accidentally hurt her. He was stronger than he knew, it seemed, but he still danced the line between discomfort and pain. "Kaesh, I'm fine. Stop fretting... And loosen up a little, you're about to crack bones." Her ears splayed and she was... well needless to say, bewildered. Also, anxious and worried now, for no better reason than that her pack, her family was anxious and worried.
All but Nikolak, that was. The ember-themed snake was to her defense. "Shou is perfectly healthy, this I swear to the furthest extent of my soul. I understand your concern, but"
"Then explain to me why I barely recognize my own mate's soul! I turn my back for one minute! ONE! Are you that pathetic that a man can't have a nap without you attacking-" Khaesho didn't get the next word past his lips. A hand wrought of nightmares and bones reached out of nothingness to grip his throat. It was an ornate manifestation, half bone and half rotting flesh, scraps of shadow clinging to it like a shredded sleeve. Three gods prepared themselves to fight hard and fast, but the Naga was unharmed... for now.
"Khaesho," Nikolak started, "I want you to calm down. I gave the most solemn vow I can give, and I'll not have you blaspheming me so casually. In short, Shouyousei purified my soul, and in the process I may have enkindled hers. See how she burns bright! Like a bonfire, where before she was but a candle." She withdrew the hand, smugly pointing to her family that Khaesho wasn't scratched, nor even bruised.
Shou nodded, and with a glare at Khaesho so that he'd relax a little, she worked an arm free to stroke Nikolak's body happily. Her ears flicked a little and she blushed at such a high regard from her patron, but she knew it was true. Kalokin had told that her soul would swell in power from being a vessel, but that seemed to have happened overnight. He'd said such a thing would be seen as otherworldly, and now she knew it was true. Her sight... she could feel the emotions of the souls gathered, could recognize their posture and their stance as easily as she'd recognize nonverbal cues on another wolf's face. She felt magic swelling within her, and she could feel her eyes brimming sharp and clear. She might -look- normal, as far as sight goes, but she now knew he'd been telling the truth. Even so soon, it was hard for her to fathom life as just a mortal, hard to really reconnect with her past self, a dancer who'd painted on the weekdays, a normal canine with no knowledge of gods or magic or souls. Her voice joined Nikolak's in exultation. "Absolutely! I swear to you as well... to the furthest reaches of my soul, I feel fine, better than I ever have. Let us explain..." She hesitated a moment, then corrected herself. She had much to learn of their culture, but she did know that all Naga loved a good legend. "Actually, no... let us tell you a story. A story of regrets. A story of mistakes handed down, and of the best attempts at reconciliation. A story of how a goddess was convinced she was a demon, and a story of the wolf who dared to believe that light shines brightest in the darkness."
Nikolak smiled slightly; Shou certainly knew how to draw attention. She'd have made an excellent bard... all stage performance relies on captivating the audience in one way or another, and what was dance, but a story told through the body? "Indeed, I am made new." This phrase carried further weight for the desert dwellers. It was the first phrase each of the three had uttered after being freed by the lonely god, Belluosus, that she should say it now echoed that pivotal event. Continuing, she spoke the traditional beginning for any legend, a phrase uttered countless times by countless bards. *Warmth of the fire and warmth of the cup, gather for the telling. Truth will always be remembered, but we know legends never die.*
Ghozumal, Shelandra, and Bhalxash glanced at eachother before nodding. Ghoz spoke for them, his powerful bass voice rolling through the car. *We recognize your vow, and witness your rebirth, nameless spirit of panic and heat. Speak the name of your soul that it shall be remembered.*
Nikolak spoke clearly, confident in herself. *My name is as it was been, but it was never the name of my soul. Behold before you.* She spoke then, not with words, but with an outpouring of soul. Everything that she was, everything that she hoped to be; Everything from a trapped animal desperately fighting for survival to scary movies on Friday night. From criminal's fear of the approaching sirens to a child's fear of the dark. The thoughts and emotions coalesced, finding meaning in words that could only capture the most central hair's breadth of her true self.
Dangerous Ecstasy born from Endless Monstrosities.
She spoke it aloud then, a name that was both familiar and yet foreign. It belonged to her, as surely as the soul it carried. "Nikolak Ex Belluosus."
The world seemed to ripple just a little bit, and Nikolak's form shifted, from a crackling serpent, to a wolf, a puppy sized canine that still glowed like a cracked ember. Silence pervaded the car for a few moments before Nikolak yipped happily at Shou as she slipped a thought towards her. I've never been able to properly resonate with a Naga before. If you and I synchronize souls, it would help prove that I'm truly awakened as a deity, same as them.
Shou didn't even need to form words or thoughts into acceptance, she simply reached and grabbed hold of the burning ember and pulled her close. Nikolak slid into her, and the world seemed to spin. Her eyes flashed, and everything was different, even though nothing had changed. She felt strong, strong enough to reach out and pluck a star from the sky. Her mind spun with knowledge, with intellect, with memories. A cursory glance down revealed what she already knew; her major veins and arteries glowed like fire, spilling light through her body and fur like a cracked coal leaking heat. She was the embodiment of darkness, but she was also the light that shines brightest there, the brave candle who dares to shed light within the valley of death.
She didn't have a name for who she was, but that was fine. She was temporary... a composite made from two parts who would soon be separate again, but before that happened, she needed to tell a story. She spoke, not with a serious voice, nor a solemn one, but with a tone of barely contained exuberance. She was more sure now than ever that Nikolak and Shouyousei had both changed forever, and both for the better, but the celebration needed to wait until her siblings knew everything... except for that one secret. She couldn't tell it... not now. Not yet. The true reason Kalokin had fractured from Nikolak, and the strange appearance of his doppelganger, the Shepard... that must be told to him in private, at the right time. In recalling that, she also remembered where his soul was hidden, and she briefly wondered if Shou would remember once they split. All such thoughts were pushed aside though... she searched her mind for a point to start, and decided to simply start at the beginning... at least, as much of the beginning as she remembered.
"Long long ago and all too near, a demon brought three corrupted deities to war with a lonely god of the sands, and though the 4 assailants seemed alike, their leader had no soul, no spark within her. They drove off a deity and laid ruinous rule to a peaceful and kind people who had no word for war..." She told of battle and loss, of a renewal of spirit, and of the sacrifice the lonely god had made to stop the deathless demon. This was a story they knew, but she continued, telling a story they didn't. She told of a demon who first learned to feel emotion, worse, a demon who owned the memories of a failure, who held close to her breast both the guilt of causing a genocide and the pain of being unable to prevent it. She told of thousands of years fighting her nature in an attempt to be more holy, and how that very struggle was what corrupted her into a violent, fanatical beast.
She told of hopelessness, of a desperation for an end to all things, for that meant an end to pain... and she told of a young Naga who sought power enough to right past wrongs. Of a Naga who knew guilt and pain, and who was willing to trade his soul for power enough to seek justice. She told of blood on the sand and a desperate escape, realizing too late that in granting the Naga's request, she had irrevocably bound them together.
She told of long years in exile and loneliness... years of survival, years where a child of the sands sought a path into bipedal territory, only to learn firsthand that the prejudice, anger, and fear from the old world was carried in their hearts still. He learned panic and paranoia, learned fear and danger. She told of years where he was almost reduced to an animal to survive, years where she kept him alive as much as he did her. She told of a warm mountain in a far off land where they found peace... until a wolf stumbled into their den.
She told of love... of infatuation with the brightly burning soul she saw, and later, love for the spirit it bore. She told of a mistake, of being so desperate to be accepted that a demon infected the wolf's soul, and then of her sacrifice, time spent in pain protecting her from being torn apart. She told of a miracle of success... of a wolf tossing her entire life out the window for the chance of living with a snake and his spirit, of binding Nikolak's soul to Shouyousei's... and of taking a vessel that, for the first time in four thousand years, Nikolak understood.
She told of Shouyousei's adrenaline, her bright eyed energy at evading police, lying into her apartment, setting fires and running from the world. A story not of anxiety, but of excitement, of weeks spent feeling truly alive -because- of the fear and uncertainty rather than in spite of it. She told of a wolf who not only understood fear, but enjoyed it, who happily let what once was a demon feed on what she thought was a negative emotion.
Then she told of a critical moment... when what once was a wolf gazed into the soul of a tarnished god wrapped in the soul of a demon, and of what the wolf saw there. She spoke of the pain carried by legions of souls, all demanding a debt to be repaid, and she spoke of the brave words of Shouyousei who in turn demanded that a fair price had been paid, that those forsaken could be laid to rest. She spoke of a deity and a demon finally seeing eye to eye. She spoke of true unity or soul and spirit, the likes of which they had not ever had. She told of the rebirth of a spirit, a new deity given life by the soul of the old. She told of legions of restless ghosts, finally taking their first step towards the afterlife.
But she did not tell of the Shepard that led them there.
And when all was said, she bowed her head and whispered the story to a close. The three deities looked to eachother, and each had but one question.
Shelandra asked, "Where did we come from, that you corrupted us?" and the Embers answered "I cannot remember."
Ghozumal asked "Who were the forsaken, that the lonely god failed to protect?" And the Embers answered "I cannot remember."
Bhalxash asked "How did you come to be, a nameless beast without even a soul?" And the Embers answered "I cannot remember."
There seemed to be a communal exhaling of breath... as if all gathered let loose the tension built up listening in rapt attention. Shelandra broke the silence with a faint smile on her lips, gathering power even as she excused herself.
"Nikolak Ex Belluosus, you have spoken true. This is cause for celebration! Sadly, the length of your tale has left many forges with naught but dull embers, and much work still needs be done before the sun sets. Come find me once when you fully remember your story... I will return come sundown, but for now, my curtain calls to me." A flare of heat filled the car as she vanished, returning to her tasks at the forge.
At the end, all was silent, save for the sound of two mortals' heartbeats. With a feeling not unlike water draining through a pebbled creek, Nikolak flowed out of Shouyousei's mind, as easily as any of the other divines might have with their chosen vessels. The quiet remained for a moment longer before Ghoz broke the stillness.
"Nikolak, long have we harbored the suspicion that you truly were some demon sent to plague us. I would question you further, and I think a sharing of the mind is the only thing that can truly illuminate your situation, but many farmers need aid with their crops. I must return to my work." A sense of gravity filled the air, as if pulling everything towards him, before he pulled himself back into the sun-drenched fields.
Bhalxash simply shrugged, relaxing visibly with them gone. *Gods beside me I thought they'd never leave. We were waiting for hours Shouyousei, I'm surprised we weren't at eachother's throats by the time you woke up.* Bhalxash's voice flowed like Khaesho's did in their tongue, but hers was louder, more energetic, and not quite so fluid... almost as if she was unable to think more than a few words in advance. *The government can run itself without me for an afternoon, and I deserve a break.*
Shouyousei relaxed, letting Nikolak slip from her shoulders like she might shed a heavy coat, and was suddenly thankful that she was already laying down. She reclined against Khaesho drunkenly, giggling at the odd sensation of once again being herself. The past moments were a blur for her, as the memories she had didn't quite match up with the mind trying to remember them. It felt almost exactly like a dream... she remembered what happened, but some of the details were missing. There was something she should have remembered though... something about Khaesho... she exhaled all the breath from her lungs, reclining against him. She knew he was anxious, and her ears flicked and expression softened once more. Glancing up at Khaesho her voice was gentle. "I'm well, my mate. A little dizzy, but no worse for the wear."
With two less deities in the car, the two and a half remaining relaxed considerably. A literal tension had left the air, but she wasn't sure if it had been from their concern for her, or from their close proximity. Kalokin had mentioned they didn't all get along. Her gaze fell upon the yellow twig of a snake, and she gave a lazy wolf's smile. "Hello Bhalxash. I'm happy to finally meet you. We've not had much time to talk about your half of the world, but Kalo has mentioned you a few times at least."
Bhalxash frowned a little; at least, her soul frowned... or, it felt like it was frowning? Shou promptly realized that English lacked the words for such things as the serpent hissed in their odd language. *Bhalxash... ugh. Too formal. Kalokin, what nickname would fit well on her tongue?*
Kalokin thought for half a moment and nodded. "Sasha would fit well, and is a decent approximation of your name. Now, will you stop hissing? We're in Shouyousei's nation, it would be rude to force our language on her." He was right, after a fashion... hearing sand-tongue and understanding English always made her ears itch just a little, but it was a small complaint against learning a language so easily. She didn't quite understand it though... some words failed to translate, and she got the sense that the strict translation didn't always match the connotation of the words.
The yellow snake looked between wolf and ghost before sighing overdramatically and shifting into one of the middle seats. Her essence flowed through space, expanding as it went, until she reformed into a decent mimicry of the Djinni form Kalokin had used. She took a Naga's fully formed torso with a little floaty, ghostly tail beneath. Yellow and Purple seemed to be her colors, with the latter forming chaotic zigzags of lightning all over her body. "Ugh, fine. I still don't trust you... I mean, you handed us all different accents that 'fit' us but I can't help but feel like at least one of us is the butt end of a joke."
Speaking in English, she sounded like a slightly more adult form of a preppy cheerleader; high both in tone and in ego. Specifically, the tone she used was one that a sister would berate a younger brother with, which fit well enough despite sounding slightly silly coming from a reptile. Shou's maw twitched into a faint smile; She didn't know Bhalxash... Sasha, very well, but at a glance, it seemed like he'd chosen well. "It's a good accent, I have to admit. I went to school with girls who sounded similar."
Sasha glanced at Kalokin, who remained as stoic as ever, before sighing just as dramatically as a high school preppy should, proving that he'd made a good choice. "Very well... I suppose I should do some research and pick one for myself, but that can come later. Khaesho! Ease up on the death grip, you look like you're about to strain something." It startled the Naga into relaxing, though not quite as much as Shou would have liked.
"Are you sure you're alright, Shou? You've been through more in the past month than most heroes do in all their lives... Is there anything you need to tell me?" It was an innocent enough question, but it carried a little more weight to it than that, a connotation just beneath the words. Maybe it was her newfound soulsense, feeling at his emotions. Maybe it was the tone, just ever so slightly accusatory. Maybe she just understood him the way only lovers can.
Either way, any lying soul bears the weight of that falsehood, and Kesh was smart enough to know they'd left something out. He might have asked after her wellbeing, but the real question he meant was "what are you hiding?"
Shou's body ached with the kind of emotional drain that she used to associate with opening night of a grand performance, but she put on a brave face, as she always did. He'd relaxed his constriction, at least, but that didn't put her in any better of a position. She wasn't going to lie to him, but neither could Kalokin know yet. Chewing the problem over, she turned to the trio of spirits before answering him. "Forgive me if this is rude, but would you mind terribly giving us a few minutes in private? "
Both Nikolak and Bhalxash looked to Kalokin, who gave a slight frown; the closest thing to an emotion he could manage. "No, actually... my apologies. Spirits without souls do not last long in this world. I've only really lasted this long because I'm technically sheltered inside Khaesho's body right now. Illusions are fun."
Well that explained why he barely had even a trace of power... She found a thread tying the illusion to Khaesho, and followed it to the snowball coiled inside his heart. She sent a soft wave of empathy towards him, borne aloft by words, "Sorry Kalo, I didn't know..."
Khaesho frowned as well, but for a different reason; keeping secrets from gods, especially Kalokin, rarely turned out well, but before he could give rise to a concern, Nikolak interjected.
"Also, Shouyousei, I doubt anything Khaesho learned would long stay secret from Kalokin. His curiosity knows no bounds, I've found. Khaesho... The secret isn't Shouyousei's to tell, its mine, and it concerns Kalokin, and why we fractured. You will both know, but the explanation will, by necessity, be quite lengthy, and you both will need to project yourselves for a good length of time."
Kesh nodded; He wasn't happy, but he did understand. That was a special phrase in the thieves' guild, one he'd heard and used on multiple occasions; amongst liars and sneaks, having people you could trust was the only way to survive, but sometimes Naga got caught between disputes, or between the law and a friend. If the third party wished to keep the trust and good will of both sides and stay out of the middle, then that was his only option. *You ask after another's secret.* You couldn't tell it to a guardsman without being fined three days' worth of community service, but even the Law understood protecting your friends, and any friend not willing to labor for a few days to cover for you wasn't a friend you needed.
"Fine then. Kalokin and I managed to keep an illusion over the car to make it look empty, but this is far too vulnerable for a séance. Shou, this is your half of the world... Is there somewhere we could go? A traveler's house, or an inn at least?"
Shou's voice was a gentle croon as she sat up a little bit to give him an earnest smile.
"Relax my mate. I wished to soul gaze with you, to give you time to learn my soul again. You said earlier that I felt different. That's all." Simple enough words, but they masked a deeper pain. He'd said earlier that he barely recognized her, and while it was a barb he'd jabbed into Nikolak, it was Shou that felt the pain. The idea that she was foreign to him hurt... it hurt more than she cared to think about. She could feel his anxiety... he was worried and afraid, a black knot of unrest clutching at his heart.
Something twitched deep in her mind, and memories rose unbidden. She heard his voice, promising to never leave her side. She heard him swear to love her and her alone, and an idle thought from another soul's mind mentioned that this was tantamount to answering to marriage, under the right light. She recognized Nikolak then, rummaging through her memories quietly and had to suppress a smile; the pain wasn't gone, but the reminder helped ease the burden. Quiet thanks simmered through her before she crawled forwards to pull a map from the glove compartment. "We're not far from the house I grew up in... my parents lived out in the foothills, ten minutes' drive out of town. It's been abandoned since they..." She bit her lip slightly before speaking again. "since I went to live with my uncle. The deed's still in my name, and I claimed it when I turned 18, but I never moved back in." Bhalxash gave a quizzical look just long enough for Nikolak to pass along a few key memories; Shou was an orphan, her parents died when she was young.
She unfolded the map on Khaesho's belly for everyone to see; well, almost everyone. Bhalxash was staring at the car's dashboard as if transfixed, and had pushed a finger into the cigarette lighter. Shou almost thought to warn her against getting electrocuted, but looking closer, she was able to see the arcs of power dancing along her soul. Bhalxash was a lightning elemental? It made sense enough, from what she'd seen. Leaving her to play with sparks, she pointed out on the map.
"So, we're on highway 64 somewhere around here, between Angel Fire and Eagle's Nest. The Nest is a small town, just large enough for hotels and a few Skii shops for tourists. We follow the loop through town, then my parents old house is a good ways off the beaten path, on a dirt road. Nobody will even know we're there."
Kalokin studied the map intensely, not just for their route; unless she missed her guess, he was committing every road down to memory. "Your parents' house? Excellent... I've been wanting to pay it a visit... What's it like?"
She tried to put words together, but after e moment remembered that there was a faster way to communicate with him. She visualized the house, and the lay of the land; rooms she knew well and forested hills she'd explored quite well. Bundling it up, she tried to push it towards him, and while she did succeed, it was a clumsy attempt, and the memories contained a great deal more of her soul, her magic than she intended. Kalokin melted down to a puddle this time, but when he returned, he came with a vengeance.
After he recovered, a ghastly white form reached forwards and yanked, and all the heat left Shou's body in a rush. A painful, numbing chill consumed her, biting deep into her bones like a long day in the snow. She was instantly wracked with shivers, her fur floofing up to put up an insulating layer of air, and even Khaesho hissed with surprise as the warm wolf turned into an ice cube. Even more than that, what chilled her was Kalokin's voice; Cold as the snow-dusted mountains that scraped the sky, and half as forgiving. "Khaesho was kind enough to lend me a little energy the first two times you sucker-punched me, but you can pay for that one yourself. If you can't help but wound me, then kindly keep your soul to yourself."
Her teeth chattered slightly, so violently did she tremble. It was early autumn though, and there was warmth enough that she thawed out, but the hurt and confusion took longer to fade. "But you're stronger and more solid after. You draw in the heat and I watched it happen. I..." She didn't know what she was doing but it hadn't hurt his soul to her perception, it had hardened it. Enough so that she was honestly, genuinely confused. The chill in her bones bit deep into her concentration, slowly fading as Khaesho added some light pyromancy to the world's natural warmth. "I'm sorry Kalo." She'd meant no harm, and she thought he knew that, but his voice... it carried the ring of cold fury that causes only woe for those who inspire it.
His tone calmed, and the hard, gleaming metal faded from his soul. "Apology accepted. I know you meant well, but I've never been separated from Nikolak for this long, and seeing as I have no soul, one mistake could kill me. Gone. Vanished. I'm like a Pocket Game that you can't save... if I run out of batteries, that's the end. I don't know why your soul hurts me like you do, all I know is the pain. Nikolak is anathema to the Naga, and it seems that now you are too." Too late did he think about how his words might wound her. It planted a seed... a thought that she could accidentally hurt Khaesho, the same way she'd hurt him. It wasn't horribly much alone, but it added to the worry, the ever-lurking fear that she wasn't good enough, that Kesh could just up and leave her, and return to the desert. Such worries consumed her for a moment until Khaesho gently pushed a memory in her direction, one carried with an equal amount of confusion and... curiosity?
Shou hadn't seen it, but Khaesho's soulsense was sharpened by years of practice. The memory he shared had just recently come to pass, but she saw from his perspective... she saw Kalokin melt, and then pull strength to re-form. She looked again, and saw what Khaesho wanted her to; Kalokin hadn't pulled power from Khaesho, not a single thimble. Instead it came from... something else. There was one split second just after she'd wounded him that Kalokin was the eye of a hurricane, and through the center of the eye, she saw something cold and pale and unmistakably furious. That fury bled through to Kalokin, lasting just long enough for him to lash out at Shouyousei. Unbidden, the thought passed through her mind and into his that she'd seen something similar. That looked like the Shepard...
Kesh raised an eye-ridge at this, but he assumed this was the secret that Nikolak kept. He kept his mouth shut and withdrew, as Kalokin was still looking at Shou for an answer. Dazed from the moment she'd spent in Khaesho's memories, and by what she saw there, it took another few seconds for her to pull ideas together into a sentence. "I'm sorry Kalo... I didn't know. I'll be more careful, I promise."
He nodded and that was that; without that anger staining him, he couldn't even hold a grudge. His voice fell back to that pleasant, slightly haughty tone. "We'd best get on the road then, we still have some hour yet to drive, and there'll be much to do before nightfall. At the very least, we'll need to clean off a bed."
"Right." She would keep her chaotic magic to herself as much as she could. She glanced at Nikolak in concern, somewhat relived and yet further anguished to see a similar kind of pain in her soul. The idea that her touch alone was dangerous... the women shared a moment of kindred unhappiness as Shou whimpered and reached for Kalo as if to touch him. She faltered though; he was an illusion and she might hurt him if she tried. So once more she withdrew, before the action could even finish.
Her hang dog expression face didn't fade when she spoke. With her ears splayed, she nodded a little. "Yeah, so it's just been gathering dust. Utilities will be a nightmare, but we can live without water and electricity for a night."
Kesh laughed a little, that the trappings of the modern world were the height of their apparent problems. "I lived without running water for years, and I still only have half an idea of what electricity is. We'll be fine for a few days at the very least." He wrapped his arms tight around his chest, almost hugging himself. "You're gonna be fine, Kalokin... we'll figure something out."
A quiet whisper slipped past before Kalokin answered a little more decisively. Alright. Sorry for being sharp, Shou, I'm just... understandably uneasy as far as that kind of magic goes. I know you meant well... somehow. I'm just... I feel vulnerable, more than anyone ever should.
Her ears perking a little when Kalokin spoke to her, a small nod and she responded in kind. "It's not your fault. I didn't want to hurt you and I feel horrible that I did. It's just... It looked like it was making you stronger. Maybe you just pulled more energy to compensate." Khaesho hadn't pointed out to Kalokin what he'd seen, and on an instinct's whim, she followed his lead. They could figure everything out tonight.
And energy isn't just pulled from thin air! Every thread was stolen... Niko's right though, we need somewhere safe. You and Khaesho can soulgaze, and I can see if I can't get re-acquainted with Nikolak... though I somehow doubt I'll be able to resonate with her again.
The hot tempered deity in question blushed a little, but she was already sliding sideways, reforming as a full-bodied, fully clothed wolf that could have been Shou's sister. She was just as short, but a darker in the fur. Hazy around the edges a, but sharpening as she spoke. "I can drive us there Shou, no way am I letting you drive when you can still barely see straight!" After a moment's focus, she shifted just a little, refining her form to be realistic. Red dye replaced the incendiary glow she'd had, crowning her skull and tracing lines down her major veins. At least, the veins not covered by blue denim jeans and a plain black T-shirt. "I think I can tap your knowledge and skill at driving if I..." an odd sensation came over her, not unlike zoning out while at the wheel. She was partially aware of the road as Nikolak started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. An odd, draining sensation tugged at her mind until Nikolak had enough of an idea that she could drive without breaking the major laws, and then the deity happily burned the pavement that lead them towards her home. Khaesho's arms drew Shou back into the back seat, eager to keep a close hold around her. She gave an amused little huff, secretly happy to be chauffeured, as Khaesho coiled with the same emotion he normally did. He held her tight, as if she might just drift away if he looked away for even a moment. Anxiety rolled off him in waves as she stretched, rubbing against him comfortingly. She took half a moment to give Nikolak some rough directions before melting against her mate. "Kaesh... you're still worried?" Her voice was gentle, a loving whisper. It was fragile though... the one comment had rekindled her fear of abandonment.
His arms wrapped tight around her, momentarily wishing that she wasn't quite so fond of clothing. He whispered back, just as gently. "I'd be lying if I said no... I know that's not what you want to hear, but you haven't heard all the Ghanyr legends... I researched him once, to see if history matched legend, and it didn't... it was worse. So much worse. I trust you, and I trust when Nikolak says this time is different, but... I've been betrayed by those close to me before. Someone I trusted, someone I loved as a brother, and he wasn't even infected-" Something rippled through the car as Niko gave him a sharp glance in the rear view mirror. "Sorry... imbued, with Nikolak's soul. Once bitten, twice shy... isn't that how the saying goes?"
"It's alright to be worried." She soothed gently and then huffed softly as he spoke of Nikolak like that. There was protectiveness there, Nikolak and she could resonate, a soul that matched a soul. "Kaesh, you know how sometimes you're mad at Kalo, or you don't get along... but you love him and protect him anyways? That wholeness and oneness from resonating? I've got that with Niko too. Please don't think badly of her."
He hissed softly in exasperation, searching for the words that he needed. "I'm trying to trust you both, trust when you say that she's changed... she looks far removed from that which I knew, but you don't know who she used to be. All the Ghanyr legends..." There was more than that though. Memories were welling up inside the serpent, personal experience that had nothing to do with something that happened long ago and all too near.
A soft exhalation heralded her words as she spoke. "Then tell me. You keep saying his name, but all I know is that this Ghanyr was once Niko's host." There was more to it than that, but she needed to know about Ghanyr first. She'd seen his vehemence when Fear had surfaced before, had felt the tension in his body and the mixture of fury and panic that filled his mind. Legends can't cause emotion quite like that.
"He was a nightmare, Shouyousei." Bhalxash's voice was subdued, dampened by the weight of memories as it filled the car. "Nikolak's vessels almost always end in blood. By accident, suicide, or execution, I don't think a single one ever died a natural death under her influence, and those who did lost their sanity as their age wore on. After the trend was noticed, Kalokin adopted the tradition of cycling into a new vessel every 30 years. It was frowned upon by many, but we three guardians sanctioned it, and who would argue with the gods? Anyways, Anathema is the right word, I think... something intrinsic to her soul damages the Naga after prolonged contact."
She fell silent for a moment, composing herself for the story. She began as all stories should. "Long long ago and all too near, Kalokin insulated vessels from the worst of Nikolak's madness. Rather than Ghanyr though... Ghanyr was something else. He lived in exactly the right place, the right time, and with the right set of skills. He rose fast through the thieves' guild, and anyone who got in his way regretted it in ways that could never be traced back to him. He made an appeal to Kalokin, seeking to become a vessel, and was granted the honor. Kalokin's vessel at the time, an old and withered snake, relinquished the greater part of his patron's soul and retired, and Ghanyr ascended into his own... but something went wrong. Quietly, in a way that nobody noticed, but very very wrong all the same. He managed to fake it for some time, but we suspect that from the binding ceremony, Kalokin was silenced. Caged. In his place, Ghanyr bonded directly to Fear, and he did so on purpose. From there, he subverted Nikolak's self control, all the while building enough tinder that he could do something that has never happened before or since in the vast deserts... he sparked a revolution. He was the catalyst behind the aptly named Ghanyr rebellion that overthrew the corrupted and greedy Cobra oligarchy, but in the violent war that followed, he acquired a taste for blood and fear, cannibalizing his victims and feeding their horror to his pet god. Unfit to lead, a more charismatic and significantly less unstable rattlesnake took the reins of the rebellion, organizing and directing troops, but Ghanyr was always at the frontlines, striking terror into the hearts of his enemies. After the war ended, he found himself lost without death and bloodshed, and unable to re-acquaint himself with peaceful life, he turned to murder to slake his lust. By this point, he fed on the fear as much as Niko did, surely he had abilities and dark knowledge none had ever seen... we three guardians included. With his body saturated with innocent blood, his soul stoked by madness, and Fear's darkest nature in full force, the pair of them set out on a killing spree that stained entire oceans of sand red with blood." She exhaled, an intentional act done more for effect than for any need to breathe. "To this day, the northern sands are stained red, drowned in blood from the one Naga who turned out to be the perfect vessel for a nightmare. His bones are scattered by the desert winds; he didn't deserve an honorable cremation, and even now people curse 'By Ghanyr's crooked bones.' He will always be remembered, as a thief who mastered the craft, as a revolutionary who overthrew corruption, and as a madman who couldn't live without blood on his lips. At least, So say the desert winds."
Bhalxash had recited the legend perfectly, exactly as it would have been told around a tavern's bonfire. Nikolak and Kalokin both knew which parts were true, and which had been exaggerate or added over the years, and though Nikolak was gripping the wheel with white knuckles, she did not speak. but this was not the place to speak up. This was about Khaesho, and an old legend... the truth didn't matter nearly as much as what the world remembered.