Ander - Part 6: Subchapter 65
65
Danado stood at the top of Wolf Hill, staring out at the massive black shape that was the Cora. That orange glow halfway to the summit was so small. He knew it was actually a blazing signal fire, built out of many layers of stacked wood -
Just like a funeral pyre.
- but from here it might as well have been a tiny candle struggling to stay alive. The snow was getting thicker and thicker, and as the wind became stronger, the angle of its descent became shallower, until it almost seemed to blow in sideways. The cold wasn't good for his fingers and toes, and he was sure that, if Bethany-Kai could see him standing out here right now, she'd haul him off by the ears quicker than he could say: 'Ow, my ears!'
That almost brought a smile to his face, but it died as just a thought. Bethany-Kai and Rufio-Sai would be needed at the wall, and that would put them directly in the path of danger. Two kindly souls who had no earthly business being anywhere near a battlefield, forced into something like this. And what about their girls? Would Layla and Kiana be there, too? He wanted to believe they'd be locked up nice and safe at home, but from what he's seen and heard of them over the past few days, he thought it much more likely they'd try to talk their way up to the front line. Failing that, they'd disobey their parents and spirit themselves to the pass, driven by misguided hope.
Danado curled his stubby fingers into a tight fist, not even feeling any pain. The thought of Layla out there, standing on top of that wall, staring down at a sea of monsters he used to think of as 'his people' made his blood run cold, and they_weren't even the worst of it. Ander had concocted something horrific inside that pass, something no one even wanted to think about. According to him, it was merely a 'last resort', but in Danado's humble opinion, it was the _only resort. And that begged the question: what if it went wrong? What if his plan didn't work? Or even worse...
What if it worked too well?
Sorrin suddenly came bursting out of his tent with a huge chunk of wood in his hands, followed shortly by Mellah, who had a much more reasonable pack of provisions strapped to her back.
"A club is going to be useless, Sorrin," she said. "You can't swing that thing from up on a wall."
"I need to have something in my hands, Mellah. I'm lousy with a bow, so this will have to do. You got everything you need?"
"I doubt it, but... this will have to do," Mellah mirrored her mate's words. She turned around and bent down a little, resting her hands on her knees. "Renna?"
The kid poked her head outside the tent, squinting her eyes against the sudden flurry of snow, and Danado was once again struck by how small she actually was, even for her age. She was shorter than Layla, for crying out loud, and yet she had made it through some genuinely terrible stuff.
That's because she's a strong one.
Mellah placed her hands on the kid's shoulders. "Sorrin and I are going to go away for a little while, but Danado is going to take care of you."
Renna took one look at the flickering orange light halfway up the mountain and said: "You're going to watch them die."
That threw Mellah for a loop. She looked to Sorrin for some kind of guidance, but the burly Wolf could only shake his head. She turned back to the kid and tried to smile, but she couldn't quite pull it off. "That's... That's not for certain, child."
Renna kept looking at the mountain. "The Cora is a line, Mellah-Kai. It's always been a line. It separates things, because that's what lines do. It's always separated Wolves from Foxes, and now it will separate them again, only this time, it will divide them between those who are alive and those who are dead." She shifted her head slightly, and now, looking Mellah in the eye, she said something that sent a shiver down Danado's spine. "Everything on one side will live, and everything on the other will die. All we can do is hope and pray that death will fall on their side of the line."
It was unsettling, listening to a child speak so calmly of such dark things, but Danado wasn't truly surprised. They had all suffered, and suffering hardens the soul. Or shatters it.
Mellah's face scrunched up like she was on the verge of breaking apart. "How does that make you feel, Renna?" she asked. "Please be honest with me."
Renna looked down at the snow, slowly piling up around their feet. It took a while for her to answer. "I'm not hoping for them to die. I wish it could have been different, but it isn't. There's no point in crying about the things I can't change, so I won't. Instead of hoping for them to die, I'll hope for you to live. Even if it means the same thing in the end, it's better to think of it that way. Don't you think so, Mellah-Kai?"
A tear rolled down Mellah's cheek and froze almost instantly, going from clear to white in a matter of moments. She pulled the kid in close and gave her a warm hug, completely enfolding her as if she wanted to protect her from more than just the cold. "I..." She sniffed and wiped the frozen tear from the corner of her eye, but it was instantly replaced by a new one that quickly hardened into a white orb of ice. She looked at the kid with trembling lips, completely at a loss for words. This might be the last time they ever saw each other, and the final words they ever share. What do you say in a moment like that? Out of all the infinite words out there, which ones would mean the most? Which ones would convey how she felt with the best accuracy? Which ones would still the pain and the fear, if only for a moment?
It was a feeling Danado knew well. It was the same thing he had felt, staring down at his sister's dying eyes, frantically trying to think of a way to say goodbye. He knew the best words now, but he also knew they didn't mean anything unless you found them yourself. They were simple, but powerful. They were the words that carried a little piece of yourself with them whenever they flowed from your lips. They were the greatest gift you could ever give, using nothing but your breath.
"I love you, Renna," she said, holding the kid tightly. "I love you very, _very_much."
Renna wrapped her arms around Mellah's body and rested her head against her shoulder. "I love you, too, Kai," she said, her voice trembling. "Thank you..."
Sorrin got down on one knee and placed his rough, callused hand on top of Renna's head. "I'm not a chatty Wolf. Normally I just grunt and somehow Mellah knows exactly what I mean. But since she's the only one who's put up with me long enough to learn such a useless skill, I'll be direct. I love you, too, girl. Never forget that, okay?"
Renna nodded (her head looked so small beneath Sorrin's big, burly hand). "I love you, too, Sai..." A small sob escaped her throat as she reached out and tugged on his sleeve, inviting him in.
It was as the three of them kneeled in the snow, holding each other, crying for each other, that Danado came to a conclusion. If there was ever a force to combat the vast hatred from beyond the mountain, then surely this was it. Not some death trap, not a hail of arrows, not clashing swords, but this.
Love. Pure and simple love. It could burn in even the harshest, coldest of winds, just like the signal fire calling them all to battle, to face the hatred coming to consume them all.
"We'll be back before you know it, okay?" Mellah said, readjusting her bag.
"We're counting on you, Dan." Sorrin flashed him a warning frown. "You'd better take good care of her."
Danado patted Renna on the shoulder. "I'll protect her with my life. You just focus on what you need to do out there."
Sorrin gave him one last surly grunt and a nod, then took his mate by the hand. "Come on, Mellah. We'd better get going."
Mellah kept looking over her shoulder as Sorrin led her down the winding path that would eventually take them to the bottom of the hill, then to the woods, and finally, the wall at the mouth of the Cora, where, one way or another, it would all come to an end.
Renna squeezed his arm and Danado held her close, shielding her from the wind as they watched two of the kindest Wolves disappear into the driving snow, fading away like ghosts.
"You're already worried about them, aren't you?" Danado asked.
Renna nodded.
"You're worried about Hezzi, too. And Ander. And all the Foxes. You're worried about everyone."
She nodded again.
"That's okay, kid." He gave her shoulder a light squeeze. "I'm worried, too."
She looked up. "Are you worried about Layla?"
That was unexpected. "What makes you say that?" Danado asked in what he hoped was a casual way.
She looked off into the snow, perhaps to gather her thoughts. "When you first got here, you barely looked at anyone, and whenever someone tried to talk to you, you'd always look away right after. It was like you had to fight just to keep eye contact. But you're not like that anymore."
"I'm not?"
"Hm-mm. I've seen the way you look at her. With her it's like you have to fight just to _keep_from staring. And when your talks are over, you just keep looking at her until you realise you're ogling, and even then you sort of have to wrench your eyes away. It's funny because it's the opposite of how you used to be."
"Well aren't you the observant one?"
"Not really. It's just... It's kind of impossible for me not to notice. Because, well..."
Danado felt her grip tighten on his arm, and when he looked down, he saw that she had turned her face away. He could still see the corner of her mouth, though. Maybe it was just a trick of the light, or an illusion created by the snow whipping through her hair, but it seemed to flicker back and forth between joy and sorrow, happiness and despair. It was like she wanted to smile, but couldn't allow herself to.
"Renna?"
She raised her head, but she wasn't looking at him. She was looking at the mountain - the 'line' as she had called it - and the shot of flame halfway towards the summit, burning brightly in the dark. "The way you look at Layla is the same way Hezzi sometimes looks at me." Her smile was so beautiful, but it could do nothing to mask the sadness in her eyes.
"You love him very much, don't you?"
She didn't respond (at least not with words), but Danado could tell she was having trouble keeping herself together. He saw the way she had to bite down on her lower lip to keep herself from bursting into tears, and the grip on his arm, which had started out soft and tender, had become tight and painful.
"Renna? Are you going to be okay?"
She looked up at him, and that's when he saw something more than just sadness in those eyes. "Danado?"
"Yes?"
"I love you, too. You know that, right?"
That certainly took him by surprise. Before they had been forced together into this... 'tribe' (for lack of a better word), they had almost never had any occasion to talk to each other. He had been a hunter, and she had been a little girl who spent most of her time under her mother's thumb. If it weren't for Banno's death and the subsequent storms it caused, they would never have to come know each other, but come to know each other they did. When you fought for someone else's life, it was impossible not to.
"I know," he replied. "And I love you, too, kid."
"Then..." She looked away. "If I were to do something bad, would you forgive me?"
"I... probably? Wait, what do you mean by 'something bad'?"
She still wouldn't look at him, but her grip was getting tighter. "If... If I made you break a promise, would you forgive me?"
And that's when he knew exactly what she was saying. "Oh..."
"If I was really, really sorry afterwards, you'd forgive me, right?"
"You don't need to be sorry at all if you don't do it in the first place."
"How are your toes? Do they hurt?"
"Not as much as my head will hurt once Sorrin bashes my skull in for what you're thinking of doing."
"Do you think you could run in this snow if you had to?"
"Renna, you don't have to do this. It's stupid and childish and irresponsible and -"
"Please answer my question, Dan. Do you think you could run in this snow if you had to?"
Danado squeezed her hand and breathed deeply of the icy wind. It seemed to cut his chest from the inside. "You know, Renna," he said, following her gaze towards the pitch black shape of the Cora, "we could be having this conversation inside, out of the wind and the snow."
She didn't say anything.
"We could build a fire. Make it nice and warm."
She still didn't say anything.
"We could have something to eat. I'm sure Ander still has lots of leftovers from the party."
Her grip became a little tighter, and the tips of his fingers began to burn and ache. "He's there," she said, staring at that terrible, burning beacon in the night. "He's right on top of the line, where everything will happen. It will kill him, Dan. I just... I can't..."
"We could try to take our minds off everything. We could try not to look out the window every two minutes. We could even try to get some sleep."
She took a step towards the mountain, steeling herself. There were two white lines of frozen tears stuck to her cheeks and speckles of snow in her hair, buffeted by the wind. If she were to yank her hand away now, he wouldn't be able to stop her. She'd go tearing into the dark, all by herself, and he'd be stuck here on top of this hill, the most pathetic excuse for a Wolf to ever live, unable to keep a single promise, unable to keep even one little girl safe.
What would Lana think of him right now? What would Layla?
There was only one thing to do. He didn't know if it was the right thing to do, but it was the only thing he could do.
"Or, instead of any of that..."
Renna stopped. Her ears perked a little.
Danado sighed, and the white plume of mist from his breath was quickly ripped away and torn apart by the savage wind. Please forgive me, Mellah, Sorrin. This is the only way to not completely break my promise. "Hypothetically, if you were to, say, attempt to run away from me (perhaps to meet with a certain hypothetical grey Wolf, for example), there's absolutely no way I could possibly catch up to you. Not with these feet, and certainly not in this weather. I only say this hypothetically, of course, because I know you'd never,ever dream of doing anything as foolish as that, especially not for the idiotic reason of giving me, the person who's supposed to be looking after you, a lame excuse to go meet up with the one he's so worried about, a certain hypothetical vixen with an exceptionally swooshy tail, let's say."
She looked at him, her mouth slightly open. "Danado-Sai?"
"All completely preposterous, of course. I mean, it's not like you've ever proven yourself to be the type to not just stand idly by the side-lines when your friends are in danger, right? And if you did do something foolish like that (all still hypothetical, of course), I would have no choice but to plod after you, crippled toes be damned. I gave Sorrin and Mellah my word, after all. And if such a hypothetical chase were to occur, I'd only hope that you didn't run too far ahead and leave me stranded out in the middle of a blizzard. But of course that's the whole point of a chase, isn't it? It's not like we'd stay together and help each other along. How stupid! And supposing we did do that, hobbling along, supporting each other like a pair of old greyfurs, I'd only hope we don't make it as far as the basecamp, because then there'd be no way I could safely haul you all the way back, in the cold and the dark. Why, we'd have to stay over there all night, in those shabby little Fox tents that are waaay too small. We'd never get any sleep, what with all the hypothetical grey Wolves running around, and the hypothetical vixens swooshing their hypothetical tails... hypothetically."
A new smile appeared on her face, this one devoid of sadness. "And the hypothetical mother of that hypothetical vixen slapping you in the face for walking around in the snow with your toes the way they are, and let's not forget the hypothetical bump Sorrin would put in your hypothetical skull for failing to keep me cooped up. Hypothetically speaking, of course."
They stood there, side by side, while the snow drifted against their shins, staring out at the giant, hulking black shape of the Cora and the spot of flame halfway towards its summit, staring back at them like a solitary eye.
"You think Mellah and Sorrin are far enough ahead by now?"
"Let's give them a few more minutes."
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