FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Dumb Dating Website

School, work, sleep, wake up, school, work, sleep, wake up, the grey wolf growled softly as he woke up to the alarm next to his bed going off. Another day of school. So as he stood up, stretching his sore muscles before fully getting to his feet, he would walk towards a mirror, looking himself over before letting out a heavy sigh. "Damn Alex, you need to stay away from the hamburgers," and he slid his paw over his belly.

Abandoning the mirror, he would get dressed, putting on a pair of blue jeans before heading out of his dorm, a piece of toast in between his jaws. Backpack on, he made his way to class, Psychology, a class he was particularly interested in. As he walked down the hall, he stopped when he noticed a student, some antelope, sitting on the ground, three cops nearby. There was a rabbit, a fox, and a German shepherd.

"Great, I'm definitely going to be late to class because of this shit," he would mutter under his breath, slowly approaching the small group. Well, the fox and the German shepherd were speaking, but the rabbit spotted him. "Sir, please go around, we are conducting an investigation here." 'Asshole,' Alex thought as he approached, looking at them before he says, "This is the quickest way to my class. Can you just take him and leave so I can get to Psychology?"

This time, the German shepherd reacted. He would push away from where the fox was, being he was leaning against the wall, closing in on the rabbit's location. "So what seems to be the problem," he would ask, staring at Alex with a look of disdain, yet also slightly curious. His partner simply rolls his eyes, probably done with the wolf, and decided the best course of action was to be an asshole. "This wolf knows the suspect, probably bought stuff from him before, might even be his supplier."

"Supplier of-" Alex couldn't even finish, the dog had taken the rabbit's word, jumping into action before pressing him against the wall. "Spread your legs," the dog demanded, so Alex responded in kind. "Get your paws off of me you fucking prick." Deciding this wasn't complying, the dog kicked his legs apart, his paws feeling his hips, sliding and patting along his legs before moving to his ribs.

When it was over, the shepherd searched his backpack, dumping it on the ground before he says, "He's clean." That's when the rabbit asks, "Did you do a cavity-" Alex had enough of this bullshit. Pushing away from the wall he was forced against, he glared at the rabbit. "I'm writing a Goddamn complaint about this. I don't give a fuck what your fucking intentions are or were, I'm going to make sure you lose everything you son of a bitch," and he would kneel, picking up his stuff, shoving it into his backpack before walking past the rabbit. Before he rounded the corner, he heard the fox say, "God damn it Frank, look what you did."

The day went by and Alex returned to his dorm, growling softly from what had happened earlier. Apparently his Psychology teacher got mad at him because he was mad. He yelled at him, telling him to leave early for putting a negative vibe in the classroom. So leaving the class, Alex had simply wandered the school, waiting before his next class started. When his Math class started, he made sure to be there, sitting in the very back. Well, the teacher found this unusual so she asked him about it.

Apparently she was upset about that and instead of doing Math, all they did was talk about how messed up that was to be falsely accused by the police. Well, after that class, it was Biology, but nothing special happened with that. So, arriving at his dorm, he opened the door and walked inside, closing the door behind him before dropping his backpack on the floor. He had about four hours of homework to do and he was too pissed to even do it. So instead of homework, he might as well play around on the Internet, right?

Heading to his desk, he opened his laptop, waiting for it to boot up before he signed in, forgetting the password twice, though succeeded on the third try. "I really need to write that down," he sighed, clicking on the Mozilla Firefox icon before he began to browse, typing in random searches before he remembered what one of his buddies had told him. So typing in the website, he let out a sigh as the page loaded up. "Ah, of course, Matt would tell me to go to some dumb dating website. Whatever, I'll just fuck around with it."

He decided to sign up for an account. Putting in his email, he would scroll down before he laughed. "A username? Okay, I can put in a username. How about... oh, I know, 'Hotwolfass3434'." Click. "Oh... username has already been taken... what the fuck? Okay, fine, 'Doggybitch92'." The page would load, the wolf laughing. "Heh, guess I'm Doggybitch92 today... well, not my proudest moment, but I don't give a fuck."

As he began to search the 'available' candidates, he noticed a 'Toggle Local Availability'. "What? Toggle local availability? That's the dumbest... did a twelve year old make this site? Meh, probably." So he clicked it, watching the number of people dwindle till there was only five. "Wow, only five? Holy shit, that means there are five morons out there... well, six because of me right now, but that's beside the point." So, looking over the candidates, he chuckles before clicking on RexShep35. "Okay RexShep35, I'm going to fuck with you today." He typed in his lovely flirt message. "Hmm... correct spelling? Fuck no. 'Hey hawt stuf' and send." He would lean back before he smirks... and then sighs. "I'm so dumb..."

He waited for three hours, to which he passed the time by watching porn and doing some Biology homework. Well, as he watched some porn video called The Horse and the Fox, he would roll his eyes, already hating it before it even started. That's when his laptop alerted him of receiving a notification. "What the? No fucking way," and he rushed to his laptop, sliding a finger across the mousepad before he began to laugh. "No fucking way, RexShep35 actually responded. What did he say?" Click. "Oh... 'Hi'. Wow, what a cunt." So sitting down, he typed in his response. "Hmm... I'm going to mess with him so bad... 'Hey hawt stuf, I wan tto meat u'. There, that'll teach him." He leaned back, smiling at his vic- and he received another notification.

"You son of a bitch," and clicking on the message, he nearly fell over. RexShep35 wanted to meet him at a nearby restaurant. The name and location was actually pretty close. "Well, this will be fun... why am I even doing this? Fuck it," and he got dressed before heading out of his room, locking the door before heading out of the building, the wind brushing against his fur.

Arriving at the place, he laughs before he says, "It's always a fucking Denny's," and he walked inside. He was caught off guard when the girl quickly asked, "Table for one?" What? Oh, right. "Oh... um... I'm actually meeting someone here so... table for two, please." She smiled before she says, "Alright, we'll get you seated and I'll make sure they know where you are when they arrive." Alex smiles and follows her to a table, sitting down in the chair. As he sat there, he heard someone rather familiar behind him.

"Yeah, don't worry about it, it'll be fine. I'm sure we'll have fun." Uh oh, not this piece of shit again. Turning his head, he spotted the shepherd sitting behind him. Great, it was this asshole. He couldn't help hide his disdain, getting the shepherd's attention accidentally. He quickly turned away, hoping the shepherd simply went back to talking, but no, why would he do that? He heard the chair slide back, the shepherd walking towards his table before sitting down in front of him. Such nerve for what he did earlier.

"Mind if I sit here for a second?" For a second? Okay. "Fine. One. Get up and go." Okay, apparently the shepherd thought he was joking. "Look, I'm sorry for what my partner said. I didn't-" Oh, really? "What he did? He falsely accused me and you decided that was enough to fucking search me. You dumped my stuff on the floor and nearly broke some of my crap, you asshole." The shepherd took those words in, slowly nodding his head before he says, "Well... I best leave, I'm supposed to meet someone here." Alex rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, what's the dumbass' name?" The shepherd blushed before he let out a soft sigh, "Well... he has an unusual profile name... Doggy... erm... B92." DoggyB92? "DoggyB92?" The shepherd sighs before he says, "Well... Doggyb-bitch...92..." Oh... "Doggybitch92... oh dear God, you're RexShep35."

The shepherd nearly choked on his words, this wolf, this wolf, the one he had searched for drugs, this wolf was supposed to be his date? Oh crap... Alex let out a growl before he stood up. "This was a dumb idea, I'm just going to go back to my dorm." That's when Rex grabbed his paw. "Wait... please, sit down. At least... at least give me a chance... please?" Alex snarled. "Why should I?" Well... he has a point. "Because I want you to have a good time... or at the very least, I want to make an attempt at giving you a good time. So please stay..." Deciding not to let the dog beg anymore, Alex sat down, folding his arms over his chest before he says, "Fine, but you're paying for my meal."

"Done."

"And we're going to walk around."

"Done."

"And we're going to the mall."

"Done."

"And we'll go skiing."

"By the time we get to an actual mountain to ski on, I'd have to drive you back to your dorm. So no."

Alex shrugs, tapping his foot on the carpeted floor. "Well fine then, I can work with the other three... so, you're a cop. Have you ever shot someone?" The shepherd knew what game the wolf was playing. He was trying to make him feel uncomfortable. He was not going to let him win. "Nope, I've never used my pistol once. Have you ever killed anyone?" Alex folded his ears back, not expecting the question to come back at him. "Yeah, her name was Susan and she had such an inflated personality so I poked her with a needle and deflated the bitch."

The shepherd paused before he asks, "You deflated a blow up doll? Wow, here I thought I needed to get my dick wet once in awhile. I'm really glad I met you now, you sure take the gold. So, are you a virgin or were you dumped by the hottest chick in the school?"

A pause from the wolf. The waitress came by, pouring them each a glass of water before she took their orders. "I'll have a burger with some fries. Oh and can I get a beer? I can show you my license if you need me to." She smiled before shaking her head, turning towards the wolf. "What would you like to order?"

"I'll have-"

"He'll have a burger from the kid's menu and a root beer," Rex interrupted, leaning back, waiting for the wolf's reaction. Well, he got it. Alex snarls, turning to the waitress before he says, "I'll have the same thing he's having, minus the beer. Though root beer does sound good." She wrote it down before taking their menus and walking away, leaving the two alone. Alex spoke first. "Don't order for me. I'm not a kid, I know how to order shit."

"You're a kid. Only kids try to knot blow up dolls. I'm a man, I don't have time to sit around watching porn while jerking the rocket to ignition. I don't have time to beat the red meat or yank the inflated plank." Alex folded his ears back, listening to all the different ways the shepherd could say masturbate. "If I had time to frot the knot, I'd be in college. If I had time to squeeze the tube, then obviously being an officer was a bad choice. I don't have time to tenderize the man cannon. My time is spent working, filling out paperwork, and going home to eat and sleep."

When he finished, Alex sat there for a few moments, his head slowly nodding before he says, "By the time you finished that sentence, I could have jerked off and made a mess. Maybe you should spend less time talking about masturbation, you'll probably have way more time on your paws." The waitress brought the two their meals, smiling as she left them once more. The shepherd glared at the wolf this time. "That's the problem with your generation. You're always yanking the snake instead of working. Maybe you should get a real job for once."

"I work at Walmart." The shepherd laughed, causing Alex to growl. "What?"

"You actually think Walmart is a real job. Let me guess, you stock milk. No wait, you're a cashier." Alex quickly rolls his eyes. "No, I work at night. I guess you can say I'm a night stocker." The wolf smiled, though the shepherd laughed once more. "Only Walmart would give you a job title named after a serial killer. I'm surprised they don't have a clown working there named Pogo." Alex remained silent, taking a bite from his burger as his eyes focused on the table. The shepherd would soon start to eat his meal, smiling at his victory over the wolf, but the war wasn't over, not by a long shot.

After the shepherd paid for their meal, which he had to fight the wolf on, mostly because the wolf tried to pay for his own... for some reason. Well, as they were walking, Alex asks, "Where are we going?"

"To the mall."

"Why?"

"Because you wanted to go to the mall." The wolf rolled his eyes. "I was joking."

"Well I take everything seriously so we are going to the mall, Doggybitch92." Alex let out a heavy sigh, deciding that was enough of that. "My name is Alex, RexShep35."

"Neat, my name is Rex." Alex would slowly nod, though he still had to ask. "How did you come up with your username?" Rex shrugs. "My name is Rex, I'm a German shepherd, and I'm thirty-five. RexShep35. How did you come up with yours?" Oh... well... the wolf shrugs before he says, "Hotwolfass3434 was taken... so I was goofing around and came up with that. It's not my proudest moment..."

"And my shameful moment was me frisking you. Which again, I apologize for..." Rex turned towards the wolf, who for once wasn't trying to battle him. Or he was plotting his next attack... there were moments when Rex could not read the wolf, but he would keep watching him, trying to read him. Alex, turning towards Rex, saw those green eyes locked on him. "Umm... what are you doing?"

"Just staring at a cute wolf," and Rex watched the wolf's ears fold back. He was either embarrassed or nervous. So time for his strike. He would stop, the wolf stopping soon after. "What's-" and as Alex approached, Rex grabbed him and brought their lips together, making it quick as he broke away, smiling. Alex just stood there, unsure how to respond. His eyes were locked on Rex, trying to figure out what the dog was trying to do.

"Um... uh...," and Rex chuckles and grabs his paw, leading him towards the mall. "Come on, cutie. I want to see you try on some sexy underwear." Alex was blushing hard, unsure of what to say. Not like he had to when Rex would say, "Hey, if you look sexy, I'm sure they'll let us have some fun... well, mild fun."

The rest of the walk was in silence. Upon arriving at the mall, Rex led Alex inside before taking the wolf to one of the outlets, smiling when he saw the squirrel behind the counter. "Hey there Sara, how is your dad?"

The squirrel looks up before she smiles. "Hey Rex, is this your date tonight? He looks nervous... and my dad is fine, he's still always talking about you and wanting to see you again."

"Well, tell him that I'll come by on Saturday to see him, okay?" Sara would nod, smiling before she asks, "So, how can I help you two today?" Rex smirks and rests his arms on the counter, staring at Sara before he says, "I'm here to check out this hot wolf wearing some sexy underwear. Is that alright?"

Sara nods her head, smiling before she hands rex a set of keys. "Use those to unlock the dressing rooms. Don't go too crazy... and try not to make a lot of noise," to which she laughs as Rex leads Alex to the back, the wolf staring at the squirrel, trying to figure out what she meant by that.

It wasn't long before Rex was handing Alex different pairs of boxers and boxer briefs. Reds, blues, red and blue, orange, orange and black, black, black with some pink hearts on them, black with red hearts, black with the words "Open for business" on the back, greys, grey and blue, grey and black, pretty much everything. "So... why do I need to try on all these?"

"You don't... just a few. " The wolf slowly nods before he asks, "Why though?" Rex's response turned his cheeks bright red. "So I know how sexy you look in them when I'm taking them off." So as he pushed him to the dressing room, Rex took a bunch of the boxers and boxer briefs away, leaving Alex only with three; a pair of red boxers with three pink hearts on them, a pair of green boxer briefs with red stripes, and a pair of black boxers with a large pink heart on the back. "Um... what are-"

"Well, it is almost Christmas. Try those on, please?' Alex gave in, taking the three pairs before heading into the dressing room, after Rex unlocked it of course. He would take off his shirt, stretching before he took off his pants. He let out a sigh, staring at his simple black boxers. "Am I really doing this," he would ask under his breath, pulling down his boxers, shivering slightly as his sheath was exposed to the cold. But he would do what the older police dog wanted, putting on the red boxers first.

A whistle was what Alex received as he stepped out of the dressing room, his left paw holding his right arm, ears folded as he rubbed his elbow. "Hot damn, you look sexy, wolf butt. Give me a twirl," and Alex slowly turned in a complete circle, to which Rex let out a slow whistle. "If this wasn't our first date... well... let's just say you wouldn't be wearing those for long, sexy."

Time for the second pair, the green with red stripes. As he left the dressing room, Rex would smile and sing, "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh what fun, it is to ride, a college student all the way, hey!" He laughed when Alex retreated into the dressing room, Rex still humming his little tune. "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh, over the fields we go, receiving head all the way!"

It was the last pair that Alex emerged in, his tail slowly wagging behind him. Rex would stare, his paw at his chin before he says, "Back into the dressing room." Alex was confused, until the dog stood up, quickly approaching him before he grabbed him. The wolf was confused as Rex closed the door, Alex turning to face Rex. "What's going-" and their lips met once more. Rex slid a paw into Alex's underwear, his fingers sliding along the wolf's sheath, rubbing the sensitive skin.

Breaking the kiss, Alex would ask, "What... are you doing?" The shepherd would stand there, silent, smiling, but after awhile, he would ask, "Would you like to stay with me? You know... that way you aren't paying for a-"

"Yes," and Alex surprised the shepherd with a kiss, his tail wagging behind him. "Yes... show me your home... please..."

An hour and a half later, Rex would bring Alex to his home, which wasn't too fancy to look at. It was average, two story house, white paint that was chipping in places, windows, grey curtains, a simple garage, it wasn't something you'd see out of a Disney movie. Unless you asked Alex, in which case he would tell you it felt like he was living a Disney movie.

As they entered Rex's home, he closed the door behind the wolf, smiling as he asks, "So, what do you think?"

"I think it's perfect."

"Perfect? Are you sure?"

"Yes... show me your room... I'm a little tired... and I think you could use a sleeping partner." Rex wasn't sure if Alex was being serious or if this was his next attack in planning... but if it was, then the wolf was truly as evil as Satan himself, even more so. Not like Rex could do anything about it except follow along. So he led the wolf up to his room, hoping nothing terrible would come from this. Letting out a heavy sigh, his mind hoping the wolf wasn't going to trick him, he would open the door, leading the wolf into a rather basic room.

"Sorry it isn't... much...," Rex would apologize, but Alex would hear none of it. "Don't apologize, I'm sure you prefer a more simple life without the need for fancy attire." The dog smiled at the wolf's words, slowly closing in before wrapping his arms around Alex's waist. "Strip."

"You first."

"You second."

"Deal."

"Damn," so letting go of the wolf, Rex would remove his shirt, tossing it to one of the far corners before removing his shoes and pants, standing there in his white boxers and socks. So evicting his socks from his feet, he stood there, now just in his boxers, but Alex wasn't done. "Lay down."

"On the floor?"

"Yeah, on the floor. No dufus, lay on the bed." He crossed his arms and waited for the shepherd to get on the bed, laughing at the fact that Rex thought he wanted him to lay on the ground. So, stripping so he was just in his black boxers, he would climb atop of Rex, his tail wagging as he kissed him. "I will see you in the morning."

"Will it be our second date?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because... I want to go on more dates with you... you're fun to be around."

Alex smiled and, kissing him once more, he would say, "Then yes... and maybe your little tune might come true."

So, with a laugh, Rex would sing, "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh what fun, it is to ride, a college student all the way, hey!"