Ander - Part 6: Subchapter 77
77
The sound of her laughter came flooding back from the darkest corners of Sorrin's mind, unlocking memories he had spent many sleepless nights sealing away with his tears.
Higher, Daddy! Higher!
The weight of her tiny body in his arms, the strength of those hands grabbing his nose, making his eyes water.
All right, you asked for it, you little ankle biter.
Throwing her up in the air, the way she laughed... there was no fear at all in that laugh. It was pure joy, through and through. She trusted her father. She knew he would always keep her safe. She knew he would never drop her. Never...
Sorrin! By the Cora you put her down this instant! You'll crack her head open!
Maybe Mellah's orders would have been more forceful had she not been laughing just as hard as her headstrong little enka.
There was so much laughter back then...
Higher, Daddy! I want to touch the Cora!
Do you mean the statue or the mountain?
Both!
I think your mother is liable to slap me up there before I get a chance.
Mellah, rolling her eyes, but smiling, too.
He loved her so much. They had somehow created something as miraculous as this with nothing more than the love they felt for each other, and the product of that love was giving back even more.
There was so much love back then...
Sorrin, where's Vallah?
I think she's off chasing rabbits again. Don't worry, she'll be back before dark. She always is.
Hours going by, each one longer than the last. Shadows growing, feeding off the light, growing strong and black.
I'm going out there.
I'm coming with you!
No, you stay here and build a fire, big as you can. Ask the Chieftain for help. Stupid girl probably just lost track of time.
Nights turning into days, days turning back into nights. The woods, alive with the sound of the same name being called from many different mouths.
Vallah!
Vallah, where are you!?
Vallah, are you out there?
Vallah!
Searching. Always searching. By sun or by torch, he was always searching. Even when the voices grew faint and far away, he searched. Even when they dwindled and disappeared completely, he searched.
Even when he was all alone, he searched.
Mellah. Sorrin.
The Chieftain, dead on his feet, coming into their tent uninvited and not even looking them in the eye. And his ensa, standing at his back, his head bowed in respect.
What is it Chieftain? I'm sorry, but I cannot host you right now. I need to get out there and look for my girl.
Sorrin, it's been more than a month.
All the more reason for me to get out there and find her! Now where are all those youngbloods you promised? They're supposed to be at the gates at the crack of every dawn, but there's been less and less!
Sorrin. It's been more than a month.
You said that already!
Sorrin. Please listen to me. We've been searching every inch of these woods for the past four weeks, but we've found nothing. No trace of her. Do you understand what that means?
It means my baby girl is out there somewhere, alone and afraid! Now with all due respect, would you kindly get out of my way and stop wasting my time!?
His face. His woeful eyes. His ensa, standing right behind him with folded hands, not saying a word.
What are you doing here, Chieftain? What are you doing in my home!?
Sorrin, please...
No! I have to find her! Don't you understand!? I'm her father! I've never dropped her! Not even once! So you get out of my way and let me find her, you hear me!? I have to find her! I have to -
Sorrin?
Mellah. Her voice was different from what it once was. No more laughter, no more joy. She had turned into a hollow wraith over the past month, just wandering around the tent in aimless little circles without rhyme or reason, stopping only to prepare the occasional, half-hearted meal. Her eyes were dull and bloodshot, her cheeks lined with dry tear stains.
Go back to sleep, Mellah.
I can't sleep, you know that. Why is the Chieftain here?
Her eyes, suddenly lighting up for the first time since Vallah went missing, but not with hope. The shine in those eyes was born out of madness, dancing just beyond the tipping point.
Do you bring news? Did you find something? Did you find my daughter!? Did you find Vallah!?
The Chieftain, slowly shaking his head. And Banno, nothing more than a shape in the background, completely silent.
Why do you not answer? What's wrong?
Mellah. We tried our hardest. We really did. But... we can't keep going like this.
What are you saying?
I'm saying that... We think the time has come for you to accept that we may never find your daughter.
No! Don't !
We're going to burn a pyre for her tonight. You and Sorrin should be there. You can say your goodbyes, and -
Nooo!! I'm not going to say goodbye to some empty pyre! That's not my daughter! That's just a stack of burning logs! My daughter is still out there somewhere and you're just too weak and pathetic to try a little bit harder, to go a little bit further!
Mellah -
Damn you, Kadai! Damn you and every single Wolf who's given up so easily! Shame on all of you! I'll go out there myself and I won't come back until I've found her! I don't care if I have to cross the mountain on my hands and knees, I will find her! I will find her, you hear me!? I will find her! I will find her... I will...
His darling mate of fourteen years, collapsing to her knees, her entire body convulsing with the force of her sobs, a month's worth of worry and sorrow pouring out all at once, unabated.
And Banno, standing in the background, not saying a word.
Sorrin remembered taking her in his arms, but he couldn't remember what, if anything, he had said. He could remember her screams, though. She screamed so long and so loud he began to fear she might suffocate. He remembered holding her tight, rocking her back and forth, trying to stay strong, and failing. He remembered crying for his missing girl and for his mate. He remembered crying for his broken family.
And he remembered Banno, standing in the background, watching their pain in total silence.
A loud cracking noise ripped Sorrin out of his thoughts. He looked down, blinking in surprise at the broken stub of a spike he had broken off the wall with his bare hand. He would no doubt feel the pain of it tomorrow, but that paled in comparison to the pain raging in his heart, the pain caused by the monster in the pass below.
It was just standing there, looking at the wall with a crazed smile twisting its bloody face. Was that really the last thing Vallah ever saw in this world? She was cold and hungry, maybe hurt, trying her very best to make it back home to the mother and father who loved her more than anything, and that was what she found instead? Not a loving embrace, but a cold set of wicked teeth and bloodcrazed eyes?
Vallah, get down from there! You'll break your neck!
I won't fall, Daddy. And even if I do, you'll just catch me, right?
You'll just catch me, right?
You'll catch me, right?
You'll catch me.
Catch me, Daddy.
Please, don't let me fall.
Sorrin's fingers closed over the broken spike of wood. Had the deed already been done when that monster came to their home? Did it stand there the entire time, pretending to be sombre while smiling on the inside?
Small, splintering cracks rose up from his clenched fist. Sharp pieces of wood were driving themselves into his hand and snapping under the pressure. He imagined himself wrapping his fingers around that murderer's throat and squeezing just like this. He imagined looking into that single eye as it realized what was happening, growing wide with terror and bugging right out of the socket. He imagined bearing down until its tongue popped out of its mouth and it scratched feebly at his hands, a death gargle floating up from its black throat. He imagined just squeezing and squeezing until he heard that final crack...
"Sorrin?" Mellah touched his arm tentatively. "Sorrin, please."
She was always so quick to tell. She could always sense any incoming storm and calm it with nothing more than a gentle touch and the whisper of his name. But not this time. Not even her warmest touch could quell the fire raging in his heart. He couldn't stop staring at the monster down below, smiling that hideous smile.
Oh, how he wanted to go down there and...
"Sorrin?"
... bite into his neck. Just clamp down and never let go...
"Sorrin!"
... just shake his head from side to side and rip his throat wide open, shower in his filthy blood, taking in the taste of iron and revenge, justice for his daughter, justice for the life he stole!
"Sorrin!" Mellah threw her arms around him, and Sorrin dropped the splintered pieces of wood over the edge. He watched as their broken pieces were scattered by the wind and engulfed by the white haze of snow before they could come even close to the bottom.
Swallowed whole...
"Sorrin!" Mellah was shaking him now, tugging on his arm. "Look at me!"
Shapes in the storm, dark and empty shadows, broken and shredded by gusts of wind, buried in the snow, cold and dead.
"Sorrin! Please!"
Somehow, he managed to rip his eyes away from the freezing mouth of the pass. Mellah was looking up at him, squinting against the gale, her snowspeckled hair whipping across her face.
"Are you still here?" she asked. It would have been an odd question under most circumstances, but he understood what she meant.
"I think so."
She hugged him, burying her face against his side. It was a way for her to give comfort as well as receive it, but he knew her better than anyone, and he knew the real reason for this embrace. She was using him to shield her eyes, to force herself into looking anywhere other than the pitch black spot of darkness inside the white, for if she did, if she looked upon the creature that had taken her little girl for one moment too long...
There was nothing that could stop her from leaping from this wall and charging at that monster with her fangs bared.
Sorrin folded his arm across her back and held her close. He knew he shouldn't, lest that rage build up in his heart again, but he couldn't keep from squinting through the blizzard once more, at the hideous face looming out of the Cora's maw.
Smile while you still can, you murderous filth, he thought. You are going to die tonight, and I will watch every second of it.
Sorrin's eyes briefly flicked towards Ander and, most importantly, the inconspicuous ram's horn hanging from his neck.
And then I will be the one with a smile on my face.
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