Misery Loves Company
#9 of Home Again
Chapter Nine! Brady finally goes over to confront Max about lying to him.
Thanks for reading this, I hope you've been enjoying the story so far. It's pretty interesting to write, and I'm...happy....ish (?) with this chapter I think. I didn't switch to any flashbacks/different perspectives here, because a lot happens between these two and I wanted to focus primarily on that. I hope it worked out okay though.
Brady tried to swallow back his nerves, his shaking paw hovering above the door, poised to knock. He wished more than anything that he could fast forward his life; skip through this unpleasant chapter and just wake up on the other side of it free from harm. The wolf knew it had to be done, he was exhausted from all the lies and half-truths, but that didn't make it any easier to confront Max. Still, he needed to know...scratch that, he _deserved_to know the truth. Squeezing his eyes shut and cursing himself, Brady knocked three times on the wooden door.
He then waited, pacing back and forth on the landing like a bad cliché. A part of him wanted to just turn and run away, refuse to come back and leave the town for good. At least when he was in the city studying, life seemed to make sense. Here, in the town where he grew up it felt like he was suffocating in secrets and past history. You couldn't throw a stick without hitting someone that knew you, knew who you were. There was no anonymity, and in what he considered his "real life" anonymity was safety. Before he could fully commit to fleeing, the door swung open to reveal the homely cheetah woman that Brady had first met in nothing but his underwear.
"Oh, Brady. It's lovely to see you, what can I do you for?" She asked, casually leaning against the doorframe and smiling. Brady smiled right back awkwardly, he'd prepared himself for Max to open the door; he wasn't ready for this damn it.
"Oh hi...uh..." He struggled to remember Max's mothers name, before realising he'd never been formally introduced. Deciding it wasn't worth it, he just tried to move on. "Hi. I was wondering if uh...if Max was around?" He asked, blushing and staring at his feet. The cheetah chuckled to herself, amused by whatever she thought was going on. The woman knew her son was gay, knew Brady was gay; you didn't have to be a mind reader to guess that she thought they were boyfriends.
"Yeah, he's in his room doing god knows what. I'd knock if you're going in there, but he'll be glad to see you." She said, moving aside so the wolf could get past.
I'm not so sure. Brady thought as he squeezed by the mother into the house.
"Um, thanks." He said, heading towards the cheetah's room and still uncomfortable.
"No worries." She called after him, shutting the door softly. Brady tried unsuccessfully to quell the nausea in his stomach; this wasn't something he wanted to do, confrontation had never been his strong suit. But despite the lying, he couldn't help but actually _like_the cheetah, and wanted to know why he'd lied about the party.
The wolf walked through the house carefully, waving as he passed a strange, quiet cheetah lounging in the kitchen that looked so much like Max that Brady knew it was an older brother. The brother waved back, but thankfully didn't try to strike up a conversation. Brady was so tense that he was sure that if he were asked even a simple question he'd just start screaming. Eventually he came to the boy's room he was searching for, pausing again, before knocking.
"Come in!" A sing-song voice called out instantly, and Brady gently opened the door and stepped inside. Max's room looked much the same as it did the last time he was here, and the cheetah in question was seated at his desk, fiddling with something on his laptop. "Brady!" He exclaimed, jumping up.
"Hey Max." Brady replied without meeting his eyes, shutting the door behind himself. He stepped forward only to be embraced in a tight hug.
"It's good to see you again!" The cat said, before Brady gently placed his paws on his chest, pushing him back slightly. Max got the message quick enough, taking a step back, his face red and his expression awkward.
"We um...need to talk." Brady said simply. Max's face instantly fell, his ears drooping in a way that Brady couldn't help think was both adorable and incredibly sad. Why can't he just be an asshole. The wolf lamented to himself.
"Oh." Max said, unmoving; all traces of his previously bubbly mood gone in an instant.
"It's...yeah. Can I sit down?" The cheetah gestured unenthusiastically at the bed before sitting back down in his office chair. Brady sat on the edge of the mattress with his feet firmly on the floor; paws clasped together as he silently stared at the carpet.
"So wh-what's up?" Max asked nervously after a minute or two had passed without the wolf saying anything. Brady took a deep breath, trying to compose himself.
"The party." Brady said simply, his face getting hot as blood rushed to it. He didn't like fights, didn't like arguing with others. He was out of his element here and it showed.
"Oh. You've been talking to Oliver then." Max clearly knew what was up now. He'd been caught out.
"And Paul. And Marley." Brady said without looking up, hating every second he spent inside the room. "It's been...difficult, finding out what really happened. But I think I have the real picture now."
"I see."
"Why'd you lie to me?" Brady asked, finally staring up at Max and meeting his eyes. The cheetah sighed, looking away, ashamed.
"I...I don't know." He finally said dejectedly, biting his lower lip.
"You don't know?" Brady said blankly, feeling anger bubbling up in his chest. Who the hell did Max think he was? "You just decided to lie to me on a whim then, is that it? Because if that's true then I'll just go now." He said, his voice a little shaky but for the most part holding it together. Max sighed, his body deflating as he sunk deeper into the chair, still looking away.
"I...I just...I didn't mean to...it-it just happened..." Max stammered, holding his paws up defensively as he looked back to the wolf on his bed. "One minute I was changing it a little bit and then the next..." He stopped himself, his face falling, ears dropping even lower than before.
"Did you think...I wouldn't talk to anyone else?" Brady asked, tilting his head.
"I don't know Brady. I thought maybe they'd be too fucked as well. I guess I just...wasn't sure what to do and I panicked. It was like I just said it and then...it was too late to take it back."
"Max. Come on." Brady said simply, looking the boy in the eye. He leaned forwards with a pleading expression on his face. "Why even change it at all? What is this all about? You need to tell me, please. Otherwise..." He heisted, his voice catching in his throat. "Otherwise we can't see each other, not ever."
"Brady..." He whined.
"Max. If you want me to go I can just go. But I know what kind of outcome I want from this, or else I wouldn't even be here now. But what do you want from it? Do you want me to go?" He asked, his voice getting quieter with each sentence. Max dropped his head, looking at the carpet in his bedroom intently.
The two furs sat in silence for a minute and Brady wondered if he was wasting his time here. Was Max just some kind of compulsive liar? Could he not help himself? Or was he purposefully manipulative, was he enjoying this internal struggle Brady had? He'd met furs like that before, ones that had a cruel and nasty streak to their personality, they enjoyed twisting up other furs' feelings for no good reason other than their own amusement. He wasn't ruling anything out right now, but something told the wolf that Max wasn't like that, he just needed the guy to tell him.
When Max looked up from the ground, he had tears welling up in his eyes. Brady could see that the skin beneath his fur was flushed, and the fur around his eyes damp. He wasn't exactly sobbing, but it was enough to count as crying in the wolf's book. Brady looked away, unsure how best to react. Sucking in a shuddery breath, he turned back just in time to see Max leap forwards, embracing him in a tight hug and burying his face into the wolf's shoulder. Now he truly was sobbing, his body racked with emotion. Conflicted and more than a little confused, Brady just lightly patted his back.
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry I lied to you Brady. I promise I won't ever again, please I didn't mean to...I just...I just..." He stopped himself, squeezing the wolf tighter. Brady was able to feel Max's heartbeat through his chest, thumping against his ribs at a mile a minute.
"What? You just what?" He asked, trying not to get frustrated. Max wasn't exactly making it easy to stay mad.
"It's Oliver. I just didn't...didn't want you around him. That's all, I thought maybe if you thought it was...was all his fault then maybe you'd stay away from him." Max blurted out between gasps. Brady pushed him back again, looking the sniffling cheetah straight in his bloodshot eyes.
"Why do you have this thing with Oliver? What's he ever done to you that's so bad?" Max bit his bottom lip, breathing heavily through his nose and trying to just relax. After a moment he swallowed, his facial features relaxing.
"It's not him, not exactly. I don't have anything against Oliver personally." Max said slowly, wiping his nose as he leaned back, embarrassed but still on the bed. "It's just that...that kind of guy he is."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Brady asked, trying to imagine what Max could be talking about. The cheetah seemed to take a minute to organise his thoughts, holding his eyes shut as he thought. After a moment, he opened them slowly.
"About two years ago, when I was in High School, my best friend was a girl named Angela. She was in my year, a sheep. She was really nice to me, when not many other furs were." The name stirred a sense of recognition in Brady's mind, a sheep named Angela...It sounded like something he'd heard about. But when he wasn't exactly sure when or how.
"Okay then." He said quietly, reserving judgement.
"And Angie...she was awesome. But she had...problems, her parents were awful and she basically grew up alone. When she was little too her uncle...anyway it doesn't matter now really. Her life wasn't fair, and she had a hard go of it. She pulled me through an incredibly tough time though, which I guess in comparison to her life wasn't half as bad. But she was there for me, y'know?
"It started with alcohol, when we first got into High School she'd steal her parents supply, they never noticed. She drank too much, and I'd always be spending nights with her throwing up. Then she got into pot...that was okay actually. It seemed to help her a bit." Max stopped for a minute, absentmindedly rubbing his eyes. Brady thought he could guess where the story might be going, but he didn't want to interrupt the state Max was in.
"And then?" He prompted carefully. Max slowly nodded.
"And then we found out ketamine was being used to treat people with depression, and PTSD. We thought she had one of those, maybe both, and so...I helped her get some of it. It wasn't hard really, not in this town. I didn't want to try it, but it worked for her, or at least seemed to. It made her feel...a little better. And then...it didn't. We were in Year Eleven, and she started injecting it. A lot of it, I didn't want her to anymore but she kept doing it and..." Max stopped, staring at his paws.
Brady now recalled who Angela was; he'd been in Melbourne when she died due to complications from overdosing. Her respiratory system had failed and she suffocated to death in her bathroom, her parents found her the next morning. He hadn't paid it too much mind at the time, after all he didn't know the girl and wasn't even in town. But the wolf knew it would have been a big deal here, and he didn't know Max had been her friend.
"I'm sorry." He said softly. Max was suddenly quiet, looking out his window as the tears just rolled down his face. He didn't bother wiping them away.
"And Brady. Furs like Oliver..." He started. "They don't understand, how easy it is to get into that spiral. He just thinks it's a good time, he doesn't realise that furs might get hurt. He doesn't realise that she's dead because of his idea of a good time. And that attitude is dangerous.
"I've spent...a lot of time in therapy about this." Max said, his face getting somehow redder as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. The wolf was glad to hear he had, but in small country towns, psychologists and issues with mental health weren't held in particularly high esteem. He guessed that Max had kept this detail mostly to himself, spare himself any unwanted judgement.
"That's...that's good." Said the wolf.
"So that's why I lied. Because I thought...I don't know. If you stayed away from Oliver then maybe the same thing wouldn't happen to you. I don't know. I'm a fucking idiot." Max let himself cry now for real, burying his face in his paws and sobbing. Brady was uncomfortable, there were so many conflicting emotions running through his head.
On one hand, he wanted to forgive everything, wrap the cheetah up in a hug and comfort him. On the other hand, a part of him was still mad that he'd been lied to. After a minute of just watching Max quietly sob, he tried to reach out and touch the cheetah's knee, but Max flinched away instinctively.
"Max..." Brady said softly. When he got no reply, the wolf stood up and walked over to the door. He stopped himself when the cheetah whispered his name. He turned back to see Max standing there, eyes red, face wet.
In explaining it all to the wolf, the cheetah had clearly opened up old wounds. He considered himself over Angela's death, for the most part. But when you lose your best friend, the hurt never really goes away completely. It just gets a little easier.
"I'm sorry for lying to you." He whimpered.
"It's...it's okay. You had your...reasons I guess." Brady said. Then Max stepped forward and embraced him again, except this time he was pressing his mouth onto the wolf's and kissing him. Brady was taken totally by surprise, his eyes going wide as his brain tried to register what just happened. Then before he could argue he was kissing Max back, letting himself be pushed against the door. His breath caught as the other male slipped a paw up under his shirt, feeling his soft stomach fur, moaning into his mouth.
As Max ran his paw up the inside of Brady's shirt, feeling his stomach, the wolf started paying attention to what exactly was happening; he had his tongue inside Max's mouth now, mapping the region out inch-by-inch as their breathing just got heavier. He noticed that the cheetah tasted salty, the wet residue from the tears still lingering on his lips. Going against what his brain wanted him to do, Brady broke away from the kiss, shocked when Max then leaned in and began trying to undo his belt. The wolf instinctively reached out and grabbed the fumbling paw tightly by the wrist, stopping his motions in their tracks.
"What?" Max asked suddenly, looking up. "I wanna fuck you Brady, please." He said. Brady's internal instincts were on fire, screaming at him to just let this poor guy have what he wanted. He was unable to stifle a groan as Max squeezed him through his jeans, the cheetah easily able to tell he was having a very physical response to the attention. "I know you want me too, just let me." Trying in vain to repress his arousal, Brady pushed the cheetah back forcefully.
"No. I don't...I don't want that. At least not right now." He said, his breath still heavy and staggered. His body definitely wanted it, that much was certain. Max obviously noticed, gesturing at his groin.
"You sure? Because I think you do." He said, making another move to step forwards. Brady put a paw out and stopped him.
"No. No Max. It's not...I don't want that." He said in between shaky breaths, turning away. God, up this close he could smell the cheetah, and with his paw still on his chest he could once again feel that heartbeat beneath it. "And...as much as you might think otherwise, I don't think you really want it either."
"Oh. Um...well, o-okay then." The cheetah said lamely, looking down as the blood rushed to his face, revealing his embarrassment. Neither Brady nor Max quite knew what to say, so the wolf merely turned...and left without another word, shutting the door quietly behind him as he went.
Brady practically ran out through the house, willing himself to try and relax. He knew he couldn't have sex with Max, not yet anyway, despite how much he might want to. He was too emotional right now, it wouldn't be fair; Brady knew if they'd gone to bed together he couldn't make it feel genuine. He'd wake up unable to stop himself feeling as if he'd taken advantage of someone who was emotionally vulnerable. He'd had friends in the past that responded in a similar way to being emotionally overwhelmed. They didn't know what to do with themselves, and so they turned to sex for comfort.
And they always regretted their actions later. It hurt him to turn Max away, but he knew it'd be better in the long run for the both of them.
Wishing his face would stop being so warm; the wolf waved a quick goodbye to Max's mother as he was disappearing out the front door and through their yard. He simultaneously wanted to start running, while also wishing he could turn right back and go cuddle the cheetah. Was he even making the right call? Did he know what was best for Max? Maybe what the guy really needed was someone to be kind to him, someone that made him feel like he was understood.
Maybe by running away, Brady had made it all worse? It was possible that Max was now lying down on his bed, sobbing again, feeling more abandoned and forgotten than ever. The wolf stopped moving at the corner of the street, turning and looking back down towards the house he'd just come from. He was panting a little from the quick pace, plus the activity prior to leaving.
Brady wondered if that afternoon, there was an emotion that he hadn't felt. It seemed like with everything that Max had said, his mind had totally shifted, his opinion reversing as he saw things in a different light. And not to mention how confused he was about Oliver and Paul now. Oliver wasn't exactly totally removed from the way Max had described him; he didn't think ahead and didn't plan well. He wasn't the kind of fur that thought about problems down the road, always living in the moment and enjoying the fun.
And Paul. Paul was a drug dealer, at the end of the day. Brady was certain if there was anyone else in the small town around their age group trading ketamine he'd have heard about them by now. Meaning that the horse was probably where Max and Angela had gotten the drug in the first place and started this whole thing off.
Fuck.
There were so many problems, so many angles and options to consider. It felt like everyone had a different side to the story and Brady had no idea which one to pick. Unable to help feeling overwhelmed, or commit himself to either leaving for the day or going back, he sunk to the ground. Now his emotional threshold had been crossed, and he began sobbing too, his paws running through the fur on his head. He was drowning, slowly being crushed on all sides by everything that was happening. It was too much.
"What am I supposed to do?" He whimpered softly to himself. "What the fuck am I supposed to do?"