Ander - Part 6: Subchapter 99
99
Even though she went from darkness to darkness, the transition from dreaming to waking was not seamless. There was a difference between seeing nothing but black because your eyes were covered, and seeing nothing but black because your eyes no longer worked. The shadow she found herself in now was deeper, darker, and somehow colder than anything a mere delusion could create. This was the real world, after all, where everything was hollow and empty and meaningless. The world where she was all alone.
She was used to it by now, though. It was the way she felt every morning when she opened her eyes and found that the world was just as dark as when she had them closed. It was normal. It made sense.
Everything else about this moment, however, was a different story.
Someone was carrying her, and doing a clumsy job of it, too. She could feel his arms across her shoulder blades and under her knees, bouncing her up and down in time with his stride. Every bump and jostle awoke a throbbing ache in her jaw.
She was just about to yell at him to put her down when his scent struck her nostrils.
Her first instinct was to lash out, to push him away, to claw at his face, to jump up and bite his throat out, but that would be a mistake. She had no idea what was happening, where she was, or who might be watching, so she stayed perfectly still and kept her eyes shut.
Her other senses would tell her what she needed to know soon enough. She quieted her body and mind and she listened, not just with her ears, but with everything, and sure enough, the world revealed itself, one piece at a time.
Cold, terrible cold, all around her, but not as strong as before. Why was that? Because the wind had died down. No, wait... the wind was still there, but she couldn't feel it as much because of all the trees. She could hear them swaying and creaking, even bending under the strain. Twigs and branches flew through the air and rolled across the ground before getting bogged down in the snow.
"Where is it?" Ander's voice was just above her head. His breath came out in quick, panicked bursts. She could imagine his neck all too clearly, right down to the snowflakes melting between the tufts of his fur.
"Over there, just up ahead!"
That voice was closer to her feet. Female. She didn't recognise it, but something about it made her want to grind her teeth together.
There were many other voices, too. A cacophony of whispers and grumblings all around.
"What the hell is going on?"
"I don't know!"
"This is crazy! What do you think is going to happen to us?"
"I don't know!"
"Is Deki okay? Did she make it out?"
"I don't know!"
"What about Dormo?"
"I don't know!"
"And Fer-"
"Dammit I don't know, okay!? I just don't know! Leave me alone!"
There was something very strange going on here. Those two voices belonged to Noko and Gerva, but why were they just staying in one spot talking to each other instead of fighting? Was the battle over already? Did her people triumph? But then where was the smell of blood? The aroma of Fox carcasses? And why was Ander carrying her through the woods? This didn't make any sense!
She listened harder, and even more voices appeared out of the darkness, far away, speaking in hushed tones.
"Oh, Cora... Oh, Cora, please... Ffffoooh!!"
"You're too close to the fire, you fool!"
"I can't feel my fingers! Not at all! I think they might be... Oh dammit they just- Argh!"
"You're gonna get burned! I can see your fur singing! Come on, just hang back here with me, yeah, here, come on, there you go, much better."
"This isn't the way it was supposed to go!"
"Well, gee, whatever gave you that idea?"
Drakin and Stenno. A pair of useless, good for nothing layabouts. She could tell by their speech alone that something must have gone terribly, disastrously wrong.
But what?
Shekka wracked her brain, but there was nothing. She remembered the charge, she remembered the whoosh of hundreds of bodies flying by, she remembered the sound of their feet trampling through the snow, the collision of their bodies slamming against the wall, the shouts and roars and curses, the panting and screaming, and...
And a deep rumble like thunder, but different.
After that there was nothing, as if everything had been wiped clean and swept away, leaving only freezing cold and darkness.
Cold...
"Here you go. I'm afraid there aren't enough to go around, so you lot will have to share, but that's okay, right? Just squeeze together nice and tight and I'm sure you can all fit. Heck, more cosy that way, am I right?"
"W-Why? Why a-are y-you doing th-this? W-We- We t-tr- tried t-t-t- to k-ki-"
"Oh, that? Um... pfffft, you don't need to worry about that. For now, just bundle up and stay warm, okay?"
"B-B-B-But- But-"
"I'll be right back, so don't go anywhere."
If she didn't know any better, she could have sworn one of those voices belonged to a Fox, but that was impossible. The sounds coming in from all around her simply didn't make any sense at all.
Very slowly, she swivelled one of her ears around, taking it all in from every possible angle. Not that there was much else to go on.
Moans and gasps. Halfhearted screams. Quick, hissing intakes of breath sucked in through chattering teeth. Hands rubbing against elbows. Short, nonsensical prayers. Random names repeated over and over.
It sounded like half of them were on the verge of death.
"Don't try anything stupid, or you'll be sorry."
Shekka had to use every ounce of willpower she had left to keep from breaking into a furious snarl. That was Nilia's voice just now. A low-down filthy traitor, just like the rest of them.
"What - What is this? What's going to happen to us?"
"You're going to sit down and you're not going to cause any trouble, that's what's going to happen. If you or your friends try anything funny, I won't hesitate to pound all your faces into the ground. Do I make myself clear?"
Multiple voices, each of them more cowardly than the last: "Yes, Nilia." "We understand, Nilia." "We won't do anything, Nilia."
Shekka could see them in her mind's eye, prostrating themselves, begging for mercy with their tails between their legs.
"Good. I hope you understand how lucky you all are. If things had gone the way they were supposed to, you'd..."
Her voice was fading away, growing dull and indistinct with distance. For a while, the only thing she could make out with any certainty was Ander's desperate breathing.
"How far?"
"It's right there, come on!"
"Hezzi."
"I got it!"
Shekka's heart leaped at the sound of that voice. It was her son, her real son! Not a drisa, but a dosa, and he was so close! Only a few strides away!
There came a soft, flappy kind of sound, like leather rubbing against leather, and the wind suddenly disappeared. Were they inside a tent? What were they doing -
A godawful stench punched her right in the face. It was the sharpest, most putrid odour she had ever experienced. Even the concentrated medicines she extracted from the succulent plants back home didn't come close to this! It was as though the air itself was on fire! It took everything she had not to clap both hands over her nose and retch.
"Oh dear gods, what fresh hell is this!? Can't you people see I'm drowning over here!? And still you bring them in!"
"Please, Bethany. You have to help. She -"
"Of course I have to help! That's my job! But you can't expect me to help on such a scale! This place was built to hold a dozen or so Foxes, not hundreds of Wolves! It's a madhouse, I tell you! A madhouse! Can't turn halfways without stepping on somebody's tail! And good gods, Ander, what the hell did you do to your face this time!?"
"That's not important."
Shekka felt herself being laid down on something soft and slightly yielding. A cot for children, perhaps? Her arms and legs dangled over the side. Still, she gave no indication that she was conscious. The element of surprise might be her only hope of getting out of this alive, and she still had Hezzi and Banno to worry about.
The sounds of agony and misery in here were even louder than the ones outside. Moans of pain came from every direction, at least forty different voices that she could discern.
"Betni-Kai, my knee..."
"Oh your knee is going to be fine, suck it up!" A heavy sigh. "I miss the good old days, back when I only had to treat one broken leg a year, and maybe a bit of gout on the side. But ever since you showed up, Ander, I've been up to my neck in halfdead Wolves! Day and night! I swear, every single one of you that has ever come through that pass has done so through some kind of terrible injury or malady or misfortune! Is it too much to ask that you people just take ten steps without grievously wounding each other!? My gods, it's ridiculous!"
"Bethany, please, she's hurt..."
"She and about five hundred others! And goddamn are some of them rude! The things they say!"
"B- Betni-Kai, please, the pain..."
"It's Bethany-Kai, Mister Denko! And I'll be with you in a minute! Let's see what new disaster has been laid before m-" The unmistakable sound of a hand slapping a forehead. "What on earth was a Wolfess of this advanced age doing out on a battlefield for crying out loud!?"
"She's the witchdoctor of the tribe," Ander said. "And my... mother."
Another long, drawn out sigh. "Of course she is. Let me just - Kiana!"
A quick yelp. "Y-Yes, Mother?"
"Where the hell have you been!? And where the hell do you think you're going now!?"
"I'm going to find some rope. We need to tie this bi- this Wolfess up before she wakes."
"Tie her up? Have you lost your mind? She could have broken bones! Internal bleeding! I'm not going to tie her up!"
"She nearly clawed Ander's eye out, Mother. She's dangerous."
"Oh gods give me strength..." A short pause, then, "Kiana, you stay here and help me with all this madness. Hezzi, you go out and find some goddamn rope. There's probably still a coil or two left somewhere."
"Okay!" She heard the rapid patter of his Fast Paws striking the ground, and a moment later a quick gust of icy cold air blew over her face and was gone.
"Ander, you sit down in the corner. I'll take a look at your eye in just a minute."
"No, not enough time."
"No? What do you mean, 'no'?"
"I'm needed at the pass. They're still digging Wolves out of the snow, and I need to get back there as fast as possible. I'll stay here until Mo- Sh- she's tied up, just to be safe."
He doesn't know what to call me, Shekka thought. She wasn't sure what to make of that.
"Ander, that's crazy-talk! You can't go out there like that! That's not even a proper bandage! If a claw did that, there could be all kinds of impurities festering in there! Sarah, talk some sense into him, would you?"
Sarah. Shekka's jaw clenched at the mere mention of that name, sending a dull, throbbing ache through her head.
"I'm sorry, Beth." By the Cora, even her voice was like a spit in the face. "But I know all too well that once Andrew makes up his mind, there is no changing it."
'Androo'? What kind of Fox gibberish is that?
"Huuurgh, fine!" Bethany said. "While we wait for Hezzi, I suppose I can at least check for broken bones. Gods know I won't be able to do much once they're strapped down."
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"You're the one who brought her in here, so do you want me to help her or not!? Tch..."
A hand suddenly touched her arm. It was tiny, like a child's hand, but knowing that it actually belonged to an adult (of sorts) made Shekka's skin crawl. The fingers moved across her elbow and down to her wrist. They were short and stubby and reminded her strongly of Danado's declawed digits. His scent was somewhere in here, too, doused in that eyewateringly bitter stench.
"Left arm seems fine. Pulse is rather fast, though."
"Is that bad?"
"More odd, I'd say. Especially considering she just came out of the snow. She might have a broken bone somewhere, or even internal bleeding. Was she responsive when you dug her out? Apart from the whole eye gouging thing, I mean?"
"Sarah clocked her a good one afterwards. Not sure if that's a factor."
"That explains the swelling in the right cheek. Congratulations, Sarah. I think you might just be the only Fox to land an actual blow this entire 'war'."
What? What did she mean by that? Only a single blow? What was happening!? Was this Fox their equivalent of a witchdoctor? Why was she treating Wolves? Why were her people all either sick or dying or curled up in pathetic little balls, hugging their tails and shivering?
Where was the killing!?
Those tiny hands moved down to her leg. They grabbed hold of her calf and slowly moved it up and down.
I should grab her, twist her neck, do it right now, while her attention is focussed elsewhere.
But where was Ander? It was difficult to tell his position just from scent alone with that terrible stench floating through the air. If she messed this up, or if he jumped in to stop her, she might never get another chance.
The Bethany Fox moved on to the other leg, running her fingers over the shinbone. She lifted it, lowered it, lifted it again.
Shekka's fingers twitched. Her muscles tensed. All she had to do was sit up and make a grab for the spot where her breathing was coming from. Fox necks were scrawny. She bet they would snap between her fingers like dry twigs. She could kill her so easily. She could murder her, just like -
Just like I murdered Ka-
She didn't just push that thought away. She rejected it. She refused to acknowledge its very existence. There was no thought. And even if there had been, it was now only empty space.
Yes, she could live with empty space. A hollow hole in her heart where Kadai used to be. He had left her all alone. That's why she was feeling this way. That was all it was. She was just sad and lonely, not guilty. Why would she feel guilty? There was nothing to feel guilty about, because she had done nothing wrong.
Except kill her one and only -
Nothing! She had done nothing wrong! There was no sin in her heart because her heart was empty!
Just as my eyes are devoid of light, so too is my soul devoid of evil...
"Betni-Kai, um... I can see you're busy right now, and I'm very sorry for disturbing you, but you asked me to let you know if anything happened to my knee, and it's, well..."
"Bleeding again?" A short pause. "Kiana, change his bandages."
"Me?"
"Yes, you! Your sister is outside, distributing food and blankets, actually doing as she's told, unlike a certain someone, so now it's your turn to roll up your sleeves and make yourself useful. Chop chop!"
"But, um... is he... safe?"
"He was quite gentlemanly when I patched him up, so there's no need to worry about him ripping your face off. Isn't that right, Mister Denko?"
"I wouldn't dream of it, Kai."
Denko's voice was so close, just down and to the left. She could hear him breathe in that quick, uneven, hissy way of the weak and injured. There was an odd squishing noise, too, probably from his knee.
Ordinarily she would have lamented the fact that Nilia hadn't shot this weakling in the throat, but now she was grateful.
Yes, you little brat. Listen to your mother. Do as you're told.
Come closer.
It was getting very hard for Shekka to keep her breathing slow and even, especially with her heart pounding in her chest and this Bethany bitch poking and prodding her from every direction.
Oh mighty Cora, please grant me the strength to stay calm, just for a little while longer...
She listened as Kiana crossed over to this side of the tent, counting seven steps in total. For a moment she was so close that Shekka could actually make out her scent even through the noxious odours of the Fox medicines.
This is the same bitch the very same one that started this mess I know it is I can smell you I remember your wet fur in the rain you filthy bitch we should have slit your throat and burned your carcass instead...
A soft rustle of fabric as she bent down, and a slight swish of her tail against the ground.
"Hello, my name is Kiana. I'm going to help you, okay?"
"You're that vixen Wardo caught, aren't you? The one who disappeared?"
"Heh, yeah, I guess that's me."
"By the Cora, the things we said. Thinking back on it now, it makes me cringe. We didn't think you could actually talk back then, but still. And we threw rocks at you! Hell, I threw more than a few myself. I..."
Don't you dare apologise, Denko! And if you must apologise, apologise for missing your mark!
"...I'm just one Wolf, so I can't apologise for my people, but I can apologise for myself, and for what it's worth, I just want to say I'm sorry for every stone I threw. I don't even know what I was thinking at the time. It was just... and now you're helping me and I don't -"
A dull, throbbing headache was starting to build behind Shekka's useless eyes, and every word spouted by this milksop only made it worse.
"It's all right, Mister Denko, really. You don't need to apologise. I've put that time behind me. But I can imagine it must feel rather odd, being treated by the same vixen?"
There was a slight pause and a quick rustle of fur. Shekka could tell he must have shifted his head a little. "It would have been," he said, "but not so much anymore. I've met Wolves who behave the same way now. Dorin calls them 'different', but the way he says it, I can't help but feel like he's talking about more than just the literal meaning. When he says it, it sort of feels like... it's something to strive for? Something he's trying to grab, but it's always out of reach? I watch him and I see him try so hard to make up for the things he's done, but it's like he feels he doesn't deserve to make up for anything, like he's supposed to carry it all with him so he'll never forget. But I think that's what makes him different, you know? The fact that he's even trying? Oh but wait, I'm sorry, I'm rambling, you don't even know who Dorin is..."
"And apparently neither do I," Ander said, "because the Wolf you just described doesn't sound anything like the one who nearly bit through my shoulder. I guess they must be two different Wolves, huh?"
Denko laughed softly, and it was with disgust that Shekka realised he was on the verge of tears. "I guess they are."
The Kiana Fox cleared her throat, but it wasn't enough to mask her little follow-up sniffle. "Try to hold still for me, okay?"
Denko sucked on his teeth, and oh, how Shekka hated that sound. He had done the exact same thing back home when she treated him for that exact same wound, all in a vain little attempt not to scream out loud. The little bitch hadn't even touched him yet and already he was sucking away. Next he would gasp and grab hold of something, probably his own ears.
But the sound that came next wasn't a gasp at all. It was a strange little sound, something she's never heard before. It was like a knife slicing through something thin and fragile, but different somehow. Short and quick and... doubled? It repeated itself several times, and then: "Oh my dear sweet merciful gods what happened here!?"
"Well... first it got shot by an arrow. That hurt. Then it got stomped a bit. That hurt, too. Then four or five of my fellow Wolves decided it could do with a good biting. That hurt a lot."
"You see? You see!?" Bethany's voice was right above her. "Can't go ten steps! Not a single one of them!"
That odd slicing noise came yet again, but only once, and then a sound that almost stopped Shekka's heart dead.
It was the scrape and thunk of something metallic being laid down on wood.
And it was within reach.
"Don't be all limp-wristed with those bandages, Kiana!" the Bethany Fox said, now moving her fingers along Shekka's neck. "Nice and tight, you hear? Even if the patient cries out, it's for their own good."
"Yes, Mother."
Shekka didn't know what that metallic object was, but she knew it could cut, and that meant it must have an edge. She knew where it was. She had its position locked in her mind. She could visualize herself reaching out, grabbing the blade, and then...
What should she do then? She could cut either the mother or the daughter. If she was lucky, she might even kill one of them. If she was very lucky, she might kill both. Ander would try to stop her, and Cora-willing, she would kill him, too. And then... then she'd go after Sarah. The bitch might stay and fight, but it was far more likely she'd run outside and try to call for help. That was fine, too. She had no qualms against chasing that murderous bitch down and stabbing her in the back. But before she died, Shekka would make sure to roll her over and gouge out her eyes, fill her world with darkness. Then, right before the end, she would stab her right in the heart. She would make that harlot know exactly how it felt. She would make that whore gulp down a good dose of her own medicine. She would make her choke on her own blood.
She would make her taste every last drop.
Shekka's mouth was dry. Her heart was ready to burst. Her fingers twitched.
She was ready.
The tent flapped open and a flurry of snow and icy cold wind suddenly washed over Shekka's body.
"I'm back!"
"About time! Give it here."
Damnit, Hezzi!
Shekka could barely contain her anger. Of all the moments, he had to pick this one to show up!?
"You're not... you're not going to hurt her, are you?"
"Don't worry, child. I'll treat her exactly the same as any other patient. Well, except for this whole ghastly rope business... Are you positive this is necessary?"
"Yes, very necessary," Ander said. "Hezzi, I'll help you with that."
"Here."
There came a soft thump and then the sound of something being dragged across the ground. It was like listening to a snake slithering along the forest floor, looking for something warm and soft to sink its fangs into.
Ander knelt down beside her. She could smell the stink of his blood and tears. He ran a coil of rope through his hands, making it whisper through his fingers. "I'm sorry, Mo- I... I'm sorry."
She felt the rope touch her wrist. It was dry and scratchy. Time was up.
Shekka opened her eyes.
"Ander, she -!"
Shekka sat up, quick as a viper, and planted both hands right in the center of Ander's chest. She pushed back as hard as she could, screaming at the top of her lungs. The moment the soft texture of his fur left her hands and the sound of his back slamming into the dirt reached her ears, she turned and lunged for the spot she had heard that odd metallic thunk.
Her hand slammed down on something flat and wooden, maybe a table, and only now were the others in this tent starting to react, asking what was happening, what was going on. A vixen screamed right next to her ear, and Shekka knew it was the bitch that had started this curse, the one that had defied her God by living long enough to see the storm clouds break. Well, she had promised the Cora a sacrifice...
Her hand closed around something smooth and cold.
...and a sacrifice was what the Cora would get!
Shekka raised the tool above her head like a sacrificial dagger, bathing in the sound of a dozen voices screaming in unison, and brought it down in one smooth motion.
It connected. She felt the shock of the impact in her arms, and then the slow, satisfying sensation of the blade sliding down further, slipping deep inside. The sound of metal sinking into flesh was like a shy kiss in the dark... so sweet, yet so sinfully intimate.
Shekka opened her mouth and breathed it all in, the delectable scent of blood. The thick, iron taste coated her tongue and travelled down her throat. It tasted like vengeance, like -
"M- Mother?" That voice. That soft, still voice, so much like the one he had used to wake her on that cursed day. So fearful, yet respectful. "Mother...?"
She could feel his blood splurting over her hands. She could hear it dripping to the ground.
She could smell his tears.
No... not again... not again... Please, not again!
"Hezzi? Is that...?"
A hand over her wrist, slick and warm, not much bigger than her own. She could feel his breath on her face, so close, reeking of fresh blood.
She felt his weight come down on her. She felt his head resting against her shoulder and the burning hot stream of blood flowing down between their bodies. She grabbed hold of him to keep him from falling over, all while her inner voice screamed in agony, telling herself that this couldn't be happening, that she couldn't have done something as terrible as this for a second time, that this wasn't her fault, that she had done nothing wrong.
That she wasn't a murderer.
Hezzi folded his arms around her middle. His grip was so gentle. "Mother...?"
Shekka couldn't breathe. The air wheezed in and out of her throat, carrying the scent of her son's blood as a silent accusation.
"I'm sorry I had to leave you..." He was hugging her. Her son was hugging her. He wasn't just staying upright, he was hugging her, he was embracing her!
"Hezzi?"
"I love you..."
"Hezzi!"
All the strength ran out of his legs and suddenly his full weight was upon her. Her whole life she had seen him as the baby of the family, her little drisa, her little runt with the Fast Paws, never realising how much of his father was in him, how much taller he had gotten over the past few years, how much muscle he had built up in his slender frame.
"Hezziiii!!" His weight slowly dragged her down to her knees, but she refused to let go. She kept her embrace locked tight and held him close, screaming his name over and over. He was always so soft and warm and always smelled of earth and autumn leaves, but now there was only this scorching, hot wet stickiness and the overwhelming stench of blood.
She took a deep breath of freezing cold air, blacker than the darkness stabbing her from inside her broken heart, and expelled it all in the most painful scream of her life. "Hezziiii!!"
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