Doctors Log Ch.3 Doctor Love 1
Each chapter of Doctors Log is from one of three doctors logs (Doc , Doctor, and Doctor Love). One Doctor is the therapist of a variety of youth , another Doctor is the owner of a halfway house for drug addicts , and the last doctor is Doctor Love the author of a best selling book on relationships.
My name Is Doctor love. I'm often asked what is one of the most reliable chapters from your best selling book. To be honest I feel most of my chapters are reliable but there is one that I go back to more often than not.
When saying sorry in a relationship or just in life in general its important to know a few things. There are 3 steps in an apology. No matter what it is its important that you understand that you are apologizing so have humility. Though you may be apologizing for your role in another persons problem or pain, remember it is about them not you.
Verbal acknowledgment is the first real step. There are typically two kinds of sorry . One means I understand and or feel the pain and depth of your problem or situation . The other means I regret what I've done and the part that I had to play in your problem or situation. One sorry is for when you were involved, the other is for when you were not. One is for when you caused or am a part of the problem, the other is not. Sometimes people blur the line between the two because they are unable to see their own involvement in another persons problems. We are going to talk about the fist kind of sorry , the sorry that you say when you are involved.
Sometimes all you need in order to move on is to say sorry and mean it. Did you catch that ? There are two parts , "say sorry" is one , and "mean it" is the other. You can say sorry all day long but if you don't mean it then your words are empty. It helps to know what your saying sorry for and what you should be saying sorry for because one matters while the other doesn't. You can be sorry and go around the world trying to make amends but if you cant swallow your pride enough to say the words then most of the time it wont matter. You have to acknowledge the problem before you start fixing it.
Active acknowledgment :
Saying sorry doesn't fix the problem it acknowledges that there is a problem and that you want a change for the better. After you have acknowledged the situation or problem you have to begin again. Be willing to make true effective efforts to fix the bridge that you burned. If you say sorry for crashing your dads car and you mean it then you get a job so you can fix it and not him. If you say sorry for missing a date night with your wife and mean it then you take off from work to take her out on the town. There are some things we say sorry for that we cant help but if we can we should. Our sorry becomes empty because we prove through our unwillingness to do something that we don't really care enough to make the situation better.
Moving on:
Verbal acknowledgment and action are key but sometimes the best thing to do is move on. Learn from your mistakes and try to prevent them in the future. You can only say sorry and try to fix a problem for so long. Everything has a life span and that includes problems. If you feel you have been trying to be forgiven and that you have tried to help the situation (not only for yourself) for long enough then move on. And yes that could mean you wont be forgiven. There is nowhere that states a person must accept an apology, and beating a dead horse wont save its life. But if you say your sorry and mean it and take action to right your wrong then hopefully when you move on it'll be to a better state.
This is one of the core lessons in my first book "How to make love not a Fight" because it was a lesson that took time to understand and once I did my life was better. I remember one night , it was when I still worked for the broadcasting industry.
My firm primate was ready as he was laid out on the dining room table stroking himself. His cock already spurting off more than a few loads as he waited for me, his lover. He shot loads onto the carpet as he couldn't hold himself back from thoughts of me, his lion. He tried to stay patient and eager , it had been weeks since he and I shared our desires in the act of intimate touch. He longed to be close once again but as the hours flew on and by he found himself drifting to sleep. Before he was taken into his mind for the night he gathered himself from the table and retired to the bedroom. With a deferred tear in his eye he curled up under our sheets that must have felt so cold and went to sleep.
I didn't make it home for another three hours.