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Chapter Ten--When Thunder Roars

Ozzy's words played on Damien's mind the rest of the night and he found himself focusing more on Ozzy's offer than his "wisdom", if it could've even be called such. When Anna came to check on him later, Damien wasn't focused on anything she said and his replies had been automatically and hardly thought out. When she left, he knew she hadn't been convinced that he was "okay" as he had not-so-eloquently phrased it.

Little more than fifteen minutes later, Thomas had returned and Damien, trying to fill his time with anything other than thoughts of the panther, looked up from his homework briefly. Thomas stretched and yawned and, with no inhibition, stripped off his shirt. Damien's eyes watched him absentmindedly as he continued to write his essay. It's not fair, he thought with a slight bitterness, No one should look that attractive!

He looked down once more and gasped audibly--he had just written that in his essay. Quickly crossing it out, he jerked in surprise when Thomas spoke.

"Yo, what's up?"

"Uh, nothing," Damien answered sheepishly. "Just this essay. I hate doing these..."

"Oh, what's the topic?"

"We're supposed to be writing about our hometowns and what we miss and why we miss it," Damien answered.

"What do you miss?" Thomas asked.

"A lot," Damien said. "My family, my old band... my friends. What about you?"

"Not much. The only thing I'd really miss is Ozzy and he's here."

Damien paused in his writing. "You guys are really close, aren't you?"

"Yeah, we've known each other since elementary school when that little asshole stole my cookies," Thomas said with a laugh. "Hard to believe I wanted to stuff him in a lunchbox." He let out a hearty laugh and Damien bit his lip to stop himself from asking the questions on the tip of his tongue.

What was it like to kiss him? Did you even kiss him at all? To have sex with another male? What do you think of him?

_ _ "Guess you guys are like brothers," Damien remarked in an attempt to shake the thoughts out of his mind, the mental images of--He shook his head just to stop that image in his head.

But a crack had appeared in Thomas's jovial expression, though he quickly covered it. "Yeah," he said, though his voice lacked the mirth it had earlier. "Guess you could say that."

"Did you ever think about dating him?"

The question was out before Damien could stop it and at once, he wished he could snatch the words back. Thomas looked at him curiously before scowling.

"Dude, I'm not gay."

"I didn't say you were," Damien answered. "I didn't mean to ask that. I'm sorry."

"... Did he say something to you?" Thomas questioned suspiciously.

"No, I was just talking pointlessly," Damien said in what he hoped was a convincing tone with a straight face. "It's nothing. I'm sorry if I offended you or anything."

"...Right... Don't worry about it."

"Although, can I ask one question?" Damien ventured nervously.

"I suppose."

The mood had changed palpably and Damien wondered if it was even worth it to ask anything right now. He could see the unease in Thomas's face and could sense the nervousness that was playing through them both. Perhaps it would be better just to say nothing right now.

_ Just ask. You can't dig yourself into a deeper hole than you already have._

"Are you homophobic?"

Thomas sighed heavily. "No. I don't hate gays and I'm not homophobic. It's a long story and I really don't feel like getting into it. Let's just say that dear-old-dad was never too keen on homosexuality."

"I see. I get it."

"Can we please just drop it?"

"Yeah."

The rest of the night was the most awkward Damien had ever experienced, even after he had been shot...

---

September 22nd, 20--

For the first time in a long time, I'm really reconsidering the whole idea of this damn journal. Last time someone read my journal, Nate was being an asshole. This time, I was careless and Ozzy found it! I'm lucky he can keep a secret... I hope... Please, keep a secret, Ozzy!

But he knows that I'm not having completely platonic thoughts about Tommy--or should I keep calling him "Thomas"?--and he said that he and Tommy had sex in high school. Apparently he "fucks like a stallion".

And then he offered to help me if I wanted to experiment, maybe? I don't know. What's really getting me is that I'm considering maybe getting some advice from him. I don't know anymore. I've never been with anyone and sex is kind of intimidating.

And Thomas clearly doesn't want me to know. I wish I hadn't said what I said to him earlier, not that I ratted Ozzy out. But he's probably not going to forget this anytime soon. Guess there's nothing I can do except just let everything play out. Hopefully, he'll let it go.

--Damien Jaime Blackwell

---

The clouds had rolled in early Friday morning, but it wasn't until later that Damien had paid it any mind. Instead, his mind was filled with thoughts of Thomas and their conversation last night. More than once, his mind had drifted further into what Ozzy had said to him and put more than one mental image in his head that would fill with two strange, conflicting feelings.

The first was arousal, which wasn't entirely foreign to him. The idea of the two of them together, two muscular and handsome jocks... He wouldn't deny that he liked the idea of it and (his heart raced when this happened) he had more than once imagined himself in Thomas's arms, kissing Thomas and... He often had to shake his head to force the thoughts out when he found his attention in class had become completely nonexistent.

The second was a shred of jealousy, though he wasn't sure why. Clearly, if they wanted to be together, they would be together. If anything, he should be more jealous of Torrie... Not that he had any reason to be jealous at all! After all, he and Thomas were just friends and that was only because of circumstance. Friends, he had to keep telling himself,and nothing else and that's what we need to stay. It wouldn't be fair to either Anna or Torrie to be anything else.

_ _ By the time his classes had ended, he was painfully aware that he had neither listened to the lectures, nor taken note of the homework or due dates. His mind was elsewhere completely until he had arrived for rehearsal later. The music had completely drowned out those thoughts from his mind and he was grateful. Warren had roused them with an encouraging speech at the end of it and when they had finally ended rehearsal, Damien could scarcely contain his excitement for Saturday night. Their first performance together. He couldn't wait.

The rain had started shortly before their rehearsal and had only gotten worse by the time they had returned to the dorms. After walking Anna to her dormitory, Damien had dashed to his own, but was already soaked down through his clothes and fur. The rainwater clung awkwardly to his fur and he loathed it with a passion. He had dried himself quickly after a brisk shower and was pleased to change into dry clothing. When he returned to his dorm, he was more than aware of the thunderstorm and had barely managed to hide his yip of fear when he heard the first, sharp thunderclap. With a small wave and laugh towards two other students who eyed him curiously, he nearly doubled his pace to get back to his dorm.

Thomas had returned by then and he was staring up at the ceiling with a strange look on his face. He looked to be deep in thought, but there seemed to be something else too. What was that look?

"Oh," Thomas said in a disturbingly shaky voice. "Hey. Welcome back, pup."

"You okay?" Damien asked. "You look a bit off."

"It's nothing you need to worry about," Thomas assured him.

"Something bad happen in class?" Damien wondered.

"No."

"Torrie?" "No."

"... Are you still upset about last--?"

"Thought we agreed to drop it," Thomas interjected and Damien nodded as he sat on his bed. He was about to speak when another thunderclap rang through the room and Thomas let out a strange, squeak-like noise as he jerked upright, clutching his chest strangely. "Fuck," he grumbled as he allowed himself to fall backward.

"... Are you scared of the storm?"

"... Does it matter?"

"I was just asking," Damien said. "I'm not going to think any less of you if you are. Hell, I don't like storm either..." He thought for a minute and his eyes drifted towards the window. "I just realized that this is the first time I've seen you during a storm... but this isn't the first one we've had since school started... Where do you disappear to?"

Thomas said upright and rubbed the back of his head. "You noticed?"

"Just now."

"Normally, I'd be with Ozzy or Torrie, but they're both busy. Torrie's studying and--" He let out another shout of fear, covering his ears when the thunder crashed once more. "Fuck! I freaking hate this!"

"It's okay," Damien assured. "We're fine."

"I know, I know," Thomas snapped, "but I just fucking hate thunder! Why the fuck does it need to be so freaking loud?"

Damien was speechless. Thomas was truly afraid... and that sentence didn't seem to compute in Damien's mind. He had never known Thomas to be afraid and this look didn't suit him. Somehow, it seemed impossible that Thomas Martan, the muscular football star, was afraid of anything...

Damien's phone vibrated in his pocket and Damien took a quick look at it--a text from Ozzy.

Is he freaking out yet?

Damien frowned and replied very rapidly.

You knew this would happen. You planned this.

Ozzy's answer came just as quickly.

Me? I can't control the weather ;)

Damien huffed. He'd be angry with Ozzy later. Right now, he had other things to worry about.

"What do you normally do to help you deal with this?" he asked, standing to close the blinds. He wondered why they had been open in the first place. "Maybe a book or something?"

Thomas shook his head. "I'll be fine, puppy. I--FUCK!" he hissed. More thunder and he was visibly shaking now. "I'll be fine."

Damien thought for a moment. "I've got an idea. If you want my help..."

"Don't have a choice, do I?"

"Not really, no," Damien answered. He sat on his bed and grabbed his guitar, sparing a moment to ensure it was tuned properly. "I don't know if this'll work, but just try to focus on me. On the music, I mean..."

"Ok..."

Damien strummed again and started to play, a song that he had written recently. He kept his eyes focused on his guitar, but he quickly noticed something in the corner of his vision. The tension in Thomas's body had lessened somewhat and he was listening intently. Taking a careful breath, Damien began to sing.

"Keep me in your arms

And make me all you want

I'll never leave your side

I'll stay till the end of time

You hold me in your sway

Keep me for one more day

And I will never fail

I will never fall

I will never leave you

I can't ever let go

Just hold onto me

And I'll hold on to you

And I know we'll make it through

We just need me and you..."_ _

He was absently aware of the fact that Thomas had moved and he felt the dip at the foot of his bed when Thomas sat beside him after another clap of thunder. He felt their arms beside brush against each other and his heart pounded. He quickly forced himself to keep going.

"I've been dreaming of when you'd say it

And when you will show it

I'll be anything for you

Just as you're everything to me

You hold me in your sway

Keep me for one more day

And I will never fail

I will never fall

I will never leave you

I can't let you go

Just hold onto to me and I'll hold onto you

And I know we'll make it through

We just need me and you

_ "I'm in over my head_

And I'm too far gone

No one can save me now

I can't get away

Don't want to escape

I just you as you are

I need you now...

I will never fail

I will never fall

I will never leave you

I can't let you go

Just hold onto me

And I'll hold onto you

And I know we'll make it through

We just need me and you

As he strummed the last chord, he became aware of the fact that Thomas's position had changed. His head was resting on his shoulder, though his eyes were focused on the window. How many more lightning strikes, how many more thunderclaps, had they missed. Before he could contemplate any further, Thomas spoke.

"Keep going. I like listening to you sing..."

Nodding numbly, Damien started another song...

He likes listening to me sing, he thought happily.