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Herin lies the story of a mortal. His beginnings matter little, as they were drab and boring, like most things in Tamriel. The really important part is where I come in. Without me, he would have stayed boring. Let me tell you a story now about one they call Moony the Madman.

Of course it's not a name written in any boring old tomes or recited in prayer from lecherous old priests, no, it's a name consigned to the deepest pits of Oblivion because it's just too damn funny. Some civil war started in the north, the Dovah of old returned in fire, great stuff. But I know the real party went down with the Princes. They don't like to talk about it, but boy will they remember it. Actually some of them might have liked it. Freshen up their boring personalities a little.

Our story begins with our hero, myself of course, approaching Moony when he was down on his luck drinking his problems away like any good Nord knows to. He got expelled from a college or something. Anyway, the man's frown turned upside down after half the stock in the inn had been emptied and we had a little one on one man to man sort of talk.

Then he gets into some boring details about his life and then suddenly we get into Daedra this and Divines that, and that's when it hit me. My idea. Not even close, my grand scheme, my master plan, and my _best_prank. Mortals always know how to throw a good party. So I may have let slip a thing or two that I shouldn't have, and of course the Madman himself took to the idea and then the rest was history. We made a pact together right there hanging from the stable rafters.

And then Moony got all technical and boring again. "But Sam, how are we gonna get into the other realms?" "Sam, how are we gonna trap a Daedric Lord in a temporary pocket of Oblivion?" I assured him I had it all worked out. First we had to make a list of weakest to strongest. No, maybe it was who'd be the sexiest. Actually I'm the sexiest, everybody else is second.

Anyway, I told him I already knew some tricks but our first stop had to be at the library for some reading material. Plus, as a bonus, we could test out what we learned and go from there. Moony, being the lightweight mortal that he was, died from mead poisoning, dropped from the rafters onto a horse and got his foot stuck in the reigns and dragged around half of Solitude in the early morning.

The spooked beast trampled stalls, old ladies, and half a Legion patrol along with the guards before somebody finally caught it but oh man, like I said, mortals always know how to party. Lucky for Moony that pact we made kept him around after that wonderfully decadent display and we got down to business.

And oh by my own glorious divinity did we ever get down to some raunchy business.