Miranda Fox COllection
Miranda's Christmas: Part 1
"Merry Christmas everyone!" "Happy holidays!" Whats so happy about them? Don't get me wrong, I like Christmas as much as the next guy. But it brings a certain memory to mind, and its times like that that make me want to ask ol' Saint Nick for a memory eraser. My name is Miranda Fox, and if you want to hear about the most embarrassing moment in my life, well, you've come to the right place. Don't spread the word around, or you'll be getting chops to the nuts for Christmas!
Here it goes...
It was a standard day at my school. I was acing my majors, I'm now officially girlfriends with Rinny, and, best of all, no moments of being forced to pose in any ridiculously girly costumes by my creator! Little did I know that that precise day would lead to a recap of that kind of moment. I noticed a flyer for our upcoming Winter play, "The Nutcracker". Normally, I would have turned down a chance like this right there. But my Mom was recently lecturing me about being more "active" in school activities. Well, the Thanksgiving Football game passed by and I missed the prom, so I signed up. I figured at the least, I could ad-lib in my audition and crack a joke about "nut-cracking". The next day, I was called down to the auditorium. I entered, unaware of the terrible fate that lied there. The Drama teacher, an old friend of my Moms, Fawn Deer, told me that I was accepted in the play. But here's where the terror begins: She told me I was to play one of the sugar plum fairies! I just stood there for thirty seconds. Then I kneeled down, and yelled "NOOOOOOOO!" (Yeah, corny "Revenge of the Sith" joke, I know) Fawn said "Sorry, but all the other roles were filled, you were the last one to sign. Besides, you just look perfect for the role. Of course, you just need a little... "adapting" to the role." I trudged out of the theater. I was going to star in a ballet in front of the whole College. I knew this was gonna be the next "Keyboard Cat" on Youtube.
To be continued...
Part 2
Well, ever since I signed up and got my role, I've been having to stay after school and practice my performance. Here's the first day on the job...
I walked into the room behind the theater, knowing there was no way out of this predicament. I was just gonna have to pray to the lord almighty that Rinny wouldn't be there. At least hes on the soccer team, so he doesn't have to worry about having to participate in anything. Fawn squealed with joy when she saw me. "Perfect! You're just in time! Now lets get you into your costume!" The next thing I knew, I was wearing a poofy, pink outfit with laces, bows, and a huge tutu, and I had pink slippers with a bow on each. My hair was tied into a bun, complete with a giant purple bow. "What do you think?" "I look like the gayest damn princess on the planet." "Great! Now lets get you prepared!" I had a wire tied around my waist as I was hoisted up at the top. Then I heard that f***ing music. As I was lowered down, Fawn could tell what I was thinking. "Come on, Miranda, honey! Give your audience a smile!" I curled my lips up into the biggest not-giving-a-s*** smile i could think of. "Marvelous! Now get those arms up like a real, elegant lady!" I lifted my arms in a little-miss-prim-proper way, dreading every second. "Stand on your tippy-toes, miss!" I felt the anger boiling in my veins as I skipped, hopped, and pranced around the theater. "Let me enchant you ladies and gentlemen with this ballet crap!" I let out. "Ah, ah, ah! That's no way for a lady to speak!" "Well, maybe I'm a boy in disguise." "But you're dating a boy, so wouldn't that make you..." "You know what I mean!" The dance was only for 2 minutes and a half, but for me, it felt like the whole f***ing play. Finally, it was over. I untied the wire, and went in the back room to change. "You were stupendous, darling! You looked just like a sugarplum in that outfit!" "Don't remind me." In a way, I was sort of proud of myself for managing to go through that dance without trying to take a screw-gun and kill myself, since it was right in the corner, not far from where I was dancing. But then I remembered I had to do it AGAIN in front of the whole school...
To be concluded... (Insert "Back to the Future" theme here)
The Final Chapter
Well, here it is. The most humiliating moment of my life. Anyone who shares this with their friends will definatley get their "nuts cracked" (at least the boys, that is.)
I can't do this. I just can't. Rinny was there. I thought, since hes not very formal, he wouldn't come. But I saw him in the parking lot, with a tie and black suit and everything. He must have heard I was in the play, so he wants to see me make a jackass of myself. Thankfully, I don't show up until near the end, so I have some time to come up with an explanation. An hour and 59 minutes passed, and I was up. Fawn tied the wire around me, and I knew there was no way out of this. I prayed that it wouldn't get any worse. But, just like everyone who says that, it would. The spotlights briefly blinded me, but I was able to adjust. The music was playing, so I tried to get this over with. I lifted my arms up, with a wand in my hand, slowly flapping them up and down like a literal turtle-dove. I heard half the audience giggling, and Rinny had the "horse who just passed gas" look on his face (www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tefhC...). "Hold it together, Miranda. Don't lose it. Don't ruin a college production." I thought. The set assistant took a phone out of his pocket, and was ready to sneak a pic, when the wire he was holding started slipping out of his other hand. He dropped the phone and grabbed the wire, trying to stabilize my out-of-control flight. Suddenly, the wire started slipping again, and his hands got rope burns, so he let go. I fell flat onto the floor. When I struggled to get up, the whole audience started laughing for some reason. I looked around, and was suprised to find my ballerina outfit caught on the top of the wooden cut-out Christmas tree. Then I looked down, and turned so red I thought I would bleed to death. I was wearing pink, frilly panties underneath. I remembered how I got landed with these things. My Mom went shopping for clothes for me at one point over the summer. I told her not to get anything frilly or pink, but there was one pair of underwear that was on sale, so that's what she got me. My other pairs were at the laundromat this week. Of all the days in all the weeks in all the months in all the years in my life, I had to choose today to wear them. People in the audience were snapping pictures, and a few were probably even filming it. I tried to hold my anger in. "Just leave already!" I thought to myself. But when I saw Rinny stand up and make a wolf-whistle, I couldn't hold it in much longer. "I HATE YOU ALL!" I shouted. The audience silenced. The set assistant handed me my costume. I threw it back and said "You put it on and share the pain I'm feeling! I'm going home to watch a movie! And FYI, all you bastards, I'LL BE WATCHING "ALIEN"!" I grabbed a nearby blanket and walked home. (I didn't live too far from the college.)
As I was watching my horror flick, I couldn't stop thinking about what happened in the past half-hour. I got up to my bookshelf, and moved everything off the middle shelf, revealing a hidden safe. I unlocked it, and reached inside, grabbing a small jar with a black pill inside. I had it since the start of this year. I had read in the Newspapers that this particular pill could erase any negative memories in the users brain within less than a minute. I held onto it when my "evil twin" chose my dress for my first date with Rinny. I was tempted to take it when Mom chose a french maid uniform for my Halloween costume. Now, i knew the time has come. I threw the pill on my tongue, filled a cup with water, and washed it down my throat. I closed my eyes tightly, and... It didn't work. THE F***ING THING DIDN'T WORK! I was turning violet, and I thought I was just gonna Hulk-out right there. Luckily, at that moment, I saw the chestburster scene on the TV. I immediately calmed down and forgot what I was even angry about. Maybe there is some good in this world... "HEY MUNCHKIN!" I was surprised to see my evil twin in front of my bedroom door. Mom came up and explained "Alexandra here simply thought she hasn't been spending enough time with you. So she talked to me, and I decided to let her stay for the week. She apparently has a lot of fun activities planned for you!" Alexandra was suddenly holding a Snow Whites dress in one hand, and Alice's dress in the other. "NOOOOOOOO!"
Sorry. I couldn't help myself.
THE END
A Week With My Evil Twin: Part 1
(SoFurry logo is shown, then fades out)
A FoxSkunkDeer99 Production
(Shot of the night sky with the bright moon is shown. Crickets and frogs are chattering in the background)
(Camera pans left and stops at a house.)
(Cut to shot through window of a young teenage fox asleep with the T.V. still on)
(Cut to inside of the house in a room on the main floor. Camera turns to P.O.V. It slowly moves out of the room. Then it moves to the right. Then it goes upstairs. Then it moves slowly to a door half open. It pushes the door all the way open. Camera stares at the teenage fox from earlier for a few seconds. Then at the T.V, which is playing "Nightmare on Elm Street" by the way. Camera then moves slowly towards closet door. Then opens it...)
(Fade to black)
(Cut to the next morning. The sun is shining through the windows and birds are chirping in the background. The teenage fox gets up, yawning. She then gets off the bed and out of her room.)
(Cut to her getting downstairs. She walks over to the right. A few seconds later, she looks back left and walks closer.)
(Cut to a slightly taller fox in front of the fireplace. The younger fox walks up to her to see what shes doing.)
(Cut to the teens face. Her mouth opens wide in shock.)
(Play horror music as the camera cuts to the older fox throwing a bunch of t-shirts and jeans and stuff into the fire.)
Miranda: What are you doing!?
Alexandra: I took a look at the clothes in your closet. They are really not appropriate attire for a lady like you. So today, we're gonna go shop for some IMPROVEMENTS!
Miranda: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
(Screen pauses as it turns bright, then fades out.)
(The title of this story is seen in the far bottom right corner, zooming in closer and closer, until it stops in the center and shatters some glass that I guess is invisible or something.)
MIRANDA FOX: A WEEK WITH MY EVIL TWIN
(A familiar horror theme plays. 50 points to anyone who guesses right!)
Writer: FoxSkunkDeer99
Producer: FoxSkunkDeer99
Director: FoxSkunkDeer99
(The last text zooms in and fades to white, beginning the story...)
For those who don't know, I have an older sister named Alexandra who LOVES anything pink and girley and frilly. So it was a piece of trouble that she decided to spend the week with me. As the opening clarified, she threw out all the clothes I normally wear to make way for clothes that were HER taste. I immediately went over to Mom to tell her about Alexandra's plan. I figured she would talk to her about how we all have different views and shit like that. But, get this, she said "You'd look so pretty in a skirt!" So it looks like shes not gonna be very much help after all.
The next thing I knew, Alexandra had taken me to Old Navy. As soon as we went in, she was chattering "How adorable!" "This one matches your eyes!" "Do you care if this makes your butt look big?" She made me try on a slew of pink or purple dresses, skirts, and blouses. I even had to try on a bright purple pair of underwear that said "I (Heart) Arithmetic". She must have read Septembers "Back-to-School" sale in one of er magazines right before visiting. When we finished checking out, I was about to tell her the concept of "expirations" when she exclaimed "That was pleasant! Now let's make your hair more presentable!" The NEXT next thing I knew, my hair was tied up into locks with a pink bow. We were just about to leave this nightmare, when Alexandra saw an ad for a sale at the costume store nearby. So we ended up going there too. And let me tell you, nothing, I repeat, NOTHING, not even the haircut, not even the clothes shopping, not even anything the Nazis could throw at the Jews during the big H, could compare to the suffering that followed.
That evening, I practically had my future wardrobe all planned out for me. Alexandra had bought over 30 outfits, 10 cans of hair spray, and god knows how many princess-related costumes for me. She had even signed me up for college cheer leading, saying that I could find my "true talents" or some crap like that. Normally, I would think "It can't get any worse." But if there's anything I've learned from today, its that thing can ALWAYS get worse.
The next few days, everyone, f***ing EVERYONE, students and teachers alike, were either laughing or saying "Cute outfit/haircut!" All day, Rinnie referred to me as "Princess" Miranda, and called himself "Prince Charming". See, this is why I prefer long-distance relationships with my sister.
On Friday night, the latest football game was taking place, and, of course, thanks to Alexandra, I had to cheer our team on. I wouldn't mind so much, except the cheer leading uniforms are pink and purple. And I've seen enough of those two colors to literally blow my mind. But Alexandra made sure to get my P.E teacher to give me extra credit for participating. And I was flunking P.E already. Even ignoring the embarrassing uniform, it was beyond painful cheering. Our rival Football team had cheerleader who could flip in midair, and shoot all the way to the tree tops, while the best WE could do was make 9-foot towers of ourselves and pose. It was pretty clear that my fellow cheerleaders were feeling humiliated as well, so they just threw me up with all their mights, shooting me FAR above the stands. I was screaming and flapping my arms, which made the others regret their actions. So they all broke the tower apart and reached out to catch me. But I landed right INTO the turf. The whole audience gasped. The minute I had gotten all the way out of the hole I created, they burst into laughter. There were cameras flashing and the all the video footage was focused on me. At first I had no idea what was going on, but then I saw that one of the cheerleaders had managed to catch my uniform. I looked down, and I was convinced Alexandra made sure that I was wearing my "I (Heart) Arithmetic" undies tonight.
Thankfully, Alexandra went back home that night. And I needed to get the whole week out of my head. I told my mom I was going to spend the night, as well as Saturday, at a cheap hotel. She let me go, as long as I was back on Sunday. That was fine by me, as long as Alexandra's not around, that's fine.
THE END
Part 2
(SoFurry logo is shown, then fades out)
A FoxSkunkDeer99 Production
(Shot of a neighborhood street at night.)
(Cut to little boy jumping in puddles and singing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider")
Boy's Mother: Billy! Come inside!
Boy: Aw, Mom!
Boy's Mother: Now!
(Boy stomps in a puddle angrily and leaves. Horror music plays as a new pair of feet shows up.)
(Cut to POV of that person. Camera moves closer to the door of a motel.)
(Cut to the inside of a motel room, where a teenage fox is having a nightmare.)
Miranda: No! No!
(Screen fades to her nightmare, where her older sister is shopping at Old Navys.)
Alexandra: How adorable! This one matches your eyes! Do you care if this makes your butt look big?
(Fade back to reality)
Miranda: No!
(Fade back to dream. Miranda is at the game cheer leading. The other cheerleaders toss her in the sky. They try to catch her when she falls, but fail. Miranda climbs out of hole in the ground, only to find the whole audience laughing. She looks around, and sees that one cheerleader has her uniform in hand. She then looks down to see that she is only wearing her underwear, which says " I (Heart) Arithmetic")
(Cut back to reality, where Miranda wakes up scared. She then realizes it was just a dream and calms down. Miranda walks over to the bathroom, where she washes her face at the sink. We then hear the phone ring. She walks over and answers.)
Miranda: Hello? ... Hi Mom. ... No, I'm fine. ... I know you worry and I appreciate that. ... Look, I just need to pull my life together and this the only way I know how. ... OK. Bye.
(She hangs up, then walks into her bedroom. She undresses offscreen, but we see her pajamas being tossed on the bed. She walks out seconds later wearing a robe and walks into the bathroom. We hear a shower running. Camera moves inside, closer to the curtain, then closer. The curtain suddenly, swings to the side as Miranda steps out and puts the robe back on. The phone rings again. Miranda groans as she goes over to answer it.)
Miranda: Mom! ... Hello? ... Hello?
(Quiet horror music plays as she hangs up. Miranda slowly walks into the bedroom. She suddenly hears some noises. She picks up a knife, and slowly walks to the window, closer and closer...)
MEEOOOW!
(It turns out to be just a cat, who jumps inside.)
Miranda: Cute.
(She walks over to the closet, and opens it. Jumpscare as she finds a ballerina dress hanging.)
Miranda: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!
(A hand suddenly grabs her head and ties a red bow in her hair.)
(Cut to the cat meowing as steam hisses in the background.)
(Cut to a kettle on the stove hissing. A hand grabs the kettle and takes it off the stove. The screen then turns bright and fades to black.)
(The title is seen in the bottom right corner, zooming in closer and closer, until it stops.)
A WEEK WITH MY EVIL TWIN
(Title suddenly blows up for some reason.)
PART 2
WRITER: FOXSKUNKDEER99
PRODUCER: FOXSKUNKDEER99
DIRECTOR: FOXSKUNKDEER99
(The last text zooms in and screen turns bright as our story begins...)
I couldn't believe it. My twin sister was back, ready to wreak more havoc on my life. She said she had just gotten an eviction notice (most likely from buying all those dresses and stuff) and now, she was staying with me again, this time much, much, MUCH longer. To make things worse, she had gotten me a bunch of swimsuits, pajamas, and, yes, underwear. And guess what? All of them were either pink, red, or purple. So now she's TRYING to ruin my life. But, believe it or not, it actually gets WORSE. Alexandra is now trying to get me a job. You may be thinking "Oh, but that should be nice of her, blah, blah, blah..." but if you stick around (which I know you will, wanting to see me suffer and all), you'll see what I mean.
The next thing I knew, I was in a car that Alexandra had borrowed, heading God knows where. I kept asking where we were going, but she had the same reply every f***ing time: "It's a surprise sweetie!!" Finally, we were in Florida and I saw a sign saying "DisneyWorld: 5 Miles away" At first I was thinking "Well, that's nice, I could go on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride or something." But then again, with Alexandra taking me, it can only lead to pain, and sure enough, when we arrived, she told the guard at the entrance that I was willing to walk around as Aurora for the day.
Minutes later, Alexandra walked me out of the bathroom, after putting me in that goddamn pink dress. I said there was no way I would do this, at least not in public. But she got to me by saying "Well, if you don't like this, we can go to Disney Channel studios and make you a LOVELY pop star!" No sooner than she said that, I started singing "Once Upon a Dream". " Oh, well. See you later cookie!" She said as she left for a nearby hotel.
For the next few hours, I was greeting children passing by, who... well, just passed by, nothing else. "Greetings, little girl." I said at one point. "Who are you supposed to be?" "I'm Aurora." She just stood there, expressionless. "From Sleeping Beauty?" She still said nothing. "Just tell your friends you met a princess." "Sorry, don't have time! I got to get to the newest ride!" And she headed right for a ride labeled "Star Wars: The Ultimate Experience" When I saw it, I just couldn't stand it any longer. If it wasn't for Alexandra, I could be posing as Leia instead of this bimbo. Even if she IS called "Princess" Leia, she still carries a freakin' GUN. I started breathing heavily, then clenched my teeth, and just went out of control. I raced to the stores and knocked everything off the stands and shelves yelling "I AM NOT A REAL PRINCESS! I AM A JEDI! I DESERVE BETTER!" Minutes later, I had calmed down, breathing slowly. Children around me were crying, and one guard came up to me and said: "You're fired."
Alexandra was now taking me back to my home town. "Why didn't you tell me about the Star Wars ride?" "Well, I didn't want you looking like you wear less clothing for money!" "That was only at the beginning of the third film!" "I know but still... Oh, we're here!" "What?! I thought we were going home!" "No, silly! I figured you weren't ready for being a princess after that whole incident. But I'm sure you'll do just peachy as a dancer!" Once again, it can get worse.
"Alright everyone! Get in line! Time for practice!" I was stuck in the middle of a ballet class, wearing a BRIGHT pink tutu, and a tiara in my hair. This was the second time this month I was forced into posing as a ballerina. "Now, arms up! Leg bending! And twirl!" I might as well follow the instructions, since I didn't want to get kicked out a second time. "And leg up!" I lifted my left leg up, then I thought I saw a bright flash. I looked back, and saw that my boyfriend Rinnie had a camera in his hand, and he was panting like a dog. I completely forgot about getting kicked out, and I took a nearby lamp and threw it at the window. That scared him away. But the teacher came up to me and said "You're gonna have to pay for that." So I got out my wallet, and paid the fine. It was $30 to 40, which was all I had left. So I called Alexandra, and begged her to get me a new job, ANY JOB.
Minutes later, she was driving me again. She said she had recently been looking at help wanted signs in the tri-state area, and she found the "perfect job" for me. I didn't really care what it was, I just needed money. We finally arrived at a huge mansion with a gate and wide front yard and everything. The sight brought my hopes up that this employer was rich, and they would pay me MORE than I originally had. We went up to the front door, and Alexandra knocked. When I saw who answered it, I nearly died of fright. "Allo Madames! Zees must be ze intern as my maid!" (In case you haven't guessed, it was Pepe Le Pew, that perverted French skunk who doesn't take "no" for an answer.)
The next thing I knew, I was in a French maid outfit with an apron and feather duster and everything. I didn't want to argue, since I certainly don't want to find out what ELSE he had in store for employees (at least the females), plus, I was still broke and this was the closest job we could find. (Of course, when I said "we" I meant just Alexandra) "Madame!" "Yes?" Zeres a whole pile of dust in zat corner! Would you mind bending down and cleaning it up?" I looked in the corner. "It's not dusty!" "Just look closer!" "I still don't see any... OOOOWWWW!" "Sorry Madame, your rump was just so... Tempting." What you just witnessed is what a lot of my "work" consisted of. Though he did pay rather handsomely each time.
After about a week of unintentional sexual teasing to this weasel, I felt like I was ready to quit. When I finished cleaning Pepe's room, and he went up to inspect, I said "Alright. I've done a good job and you are pleased. Now can I have my daily pay?" Pepe just stood there in an awkward silence. But he slowly pulled out his wallet, and handed the 40 dollars. "Thanks. Thank you. I am so grateful. I'll just be... Going home now..." I said as I slowly crept toward the stairs. "Wait, you're not leaving are you?" "Well, I have a home and school and all. This is spring break, so I just thought I would get a weekly job..." "Are you sure? I still need someone to clean ze house." "I'm sure there are more people out there willing to work for you." "You know what zey say... Zere are many fish in ze sea, but you are ze one for me..." "I REALLY should be going..." "No, you're not, Madame!" He said as he lunged for me. I dodged him, and ran downstairs. I noticed one of the windows was open in the living room, so I dashed there. I jumped out, but I heard a loud RIIIIP! I suddenly was feeling chilly. Uh oh. "I see London, I see France, looks like someone has a spot for good old France! Ha ha ha h... Wait, did I say " France" twice? Ah well. At least I got some zing to pleasure me tonight." I looked back, and saw that my uniform was caught in the lowest branch of a tree in backyard, and noticed Pepe with a cell phone in his hands. I knew exactly what he posted. I was wearing a pair of knickers with the French flag symbol imprinted on them. And fifty points to whoever guesses who bought them for me. But I wasn't that humiliated, since only one person saw what happened. But then I remembered that I still needed to get home. I walked behind a hedge that lead to the front of the mansion knowing it was gonna be a long trip home...
THE END
Part 3
(SoFurry logo is shown, then fades out.)
SoFurry Presents
A FoxSkunkDeer99 Production
(Cut to a teenage fox dressed up as a French maid cleaning up a bedroom with a feather duster.)
Male Voice from downstairs: Are you almost done?
Miranda: Yeah, you can come up and see for yourself!
(Miranda slowly moves over as a male skunk comes into the room and looks around.)
Miranda: Alright. I've done a good job and you are pleased. Now can I have my daily pay?
(Cut to the skunk looking confused, as he pulls out his wallet and hands over some money to Miranda.)
Miranda: Thanks. Thank you. I'm so grateful. I'll just be... Going home now...
Pepe: Wait, you're not leaving, are you?
Miranda: Well, I have a home and school and all. This is Spring Break, so I just thought I would get a weekly job...
Pepe: Are you sure? I still need somebody to clean ze house in ze future.
Miranda: I'm sure there are more people out there willing to work for you.
Pepe: Well, you know what zey say: Zere are many fish in ze sea, but you are ze only one for me...
Miranda: I REALLY should be going...
Pepe: No you're not, Madame!
(Pepe lunges at Miranda, but she dodges at the last second.)
(Cut to Miranda running out of the bedroom, then downstairs.)
(Cut to close-up of her face as she looks around.)
(Camera moves swiftly to the right as she notices an open window in the living room.)
(Cut to Miranda running towards the window, before jumping out.)
RRRRIIIIIPPPPPP!
(Cut to Miranda falling in the pool in the backyard, then climbing back out.)
Pepe (off screen): I see London, I see France, I see someone has a soft spot for France! Hahaha.. Wait, did I say 'France' twice? Well, never matter, I got some zing to pleasure myself tonight...
(Cut to window, where Pepe is walking away with a phone in his hands.)
(Cut to Miranda, slowly looking down, then the camera swiftly moves down to her bottom, where it is revealed that she is wearing underwear decorated with the French flag symbol.)
(Cut to Miranda blushing, then looking back, and moving behind a hedge, then moving along it to the front of the house.)
(Horror music plays as the camera fades to Miranda's uniform caught in a lower branch of a tree.)
(Camera zooms in on the uniform slowly, until it stops.)
(Some red, cheesy 3-d-like text zooms in on the screen as some equally cheesy 80s music plays in the background.)
MIRANDA FOX: A WEEK WITH MY EVIL TWIN: PART 3
(Text zooms back out, followed by some more text zooming in.)
WRITER: FOXSKUNKDEER99
PRODUCER: FOXSKUNKDEER99
DIRECTOR: FOXSKUNKDEER99
(Last text fades out, as the story begins...)
For those who aren't aware, my twin sister, Alexandra, got me into an internship at Pepe Le Pew's mansion. But he was very... Straight, shall I say? Anyway, I decided to leave after a week of working for him. While that internship left a bad taste in my mouth, he did pay a shitload of money. This was good, because I was broke. The total amount I earned added up to about $500, so I decided to take advantage of this new fortune. So I dropped by a nearby mall, where I had a big Mac and fries from McDonalds, a miniature cheese pizza with stuffed crust from Pizza Hut, and a Coca Cola (I hadn't eaten in the past 12 hours). While I was at it, I also bought a "Star Trek" T-shirt with some jeans, the entire "Harry Potter" and "Hunger Games" novel collection, and the "Lord of the Rings" and "Hobbit" extended editions. And I still had $250 to burn.
By the time I got home, I had forgotten all about Alexandra, until I saw her sitting on the couch waiting for me. "Oh, right. You're still here." I said, uninterested. "Don't talk too me in that meanie-weenie tone young lady. I have just decided that you wouldn't be so glum if you were a princess, like me!" By the way, Alexandra wasn't really a princess. She just likes to call herself that because it just sounds cute, and she loves pink dresses and pretty bows and crap like that. "So this week, I'm going to teach you all the regulations about being a princess! I will show the pleasures of being a girl, and, if we're lucky, you might end up just like me!" If you know me, then you might wonder why the hell am I not throwing a fit about being forced to act like a "girly" girl. Well, FYI, Alexandra has recently been mooching me off, so I'm pretty much used to it by now. That doesn't mean I WILL end up like her, though.
Now, before I describe the pain that I went through, I want to tell you what it really means to be a princess. A princess is the daughter of a big authority figure, or what is usually called, a king and queen. So when the king and/or queen dies, or somehow quit, the princess, or prince, has to take over. So princesses have a lot of responsibility to prepare for, it's not all fancy dresses or tea parties. Alexandra on the other hand, "prepares" me by showing me how to secure bows in my hair, and how to properly introduce yourself (they call it curtseying, or some shit), and how poofy the attire has to be, and how dainty the feet need to be, and how high-pitched the singing voice has to be, and how ridiculously tight their underwear was... OK, you get the picture.
Now this coming Saturday, my College is having a Junior prom, and I had planned to go with Rinny Raccoon in advance. Unfortunately my Mom must have told Alexandra about the event, because she made me go memorize what she had taught me the past week, and I was stuck with my arch-nemesis: That goddamn. Bright pink. Wide. Poofy. Frilly. Bow-infested. DRESS. "Listen, Alexandra, I may know the principles, or at least YOUR principles, of being a princess, but I will never, ever, EVER, go out in public in this sellout, not even if it would somehow erase nine-eleven, Pearl Harbor, JFK, and the big H from History! Not even if you used some hypnosis bullshit on me!" I shouldn't have added that last bit. Alexandra suddenly formed the "wonderful, awful, idea" grin on her face. She pulled out a watch. I turned back. "Nuh-uh! I'm not falling for that! There is no way that you are gonna trick me into letting Rinny see me in this thing!" "Hey buttercream! I've got a chunk of a ham/tomato/lettuce sandwich!" I turned back. The next thing I knew, I was staring at the watch, moving left, then right, left again, right again. I couldn't look away. "You are not Miranda Fox. Your name is Princess Penny Primmy the Third. You will remember all that I have taught you this past week, and take it to heart. You want to find your true love. There is a ball at Toontown University. There you will find your true love. Now go my precious!" Suddenly, my mind was altered. I found myself skipping out the door, singing, greeting every bird, squirrel, rabbit, and deer I passed by. "What a lovely day for a ball! Tra-la-la-da-dee!" I found myself headed for Toontown University. My afterlife had officially begun.
THE END
The Final Chapter
(SoFurry Logo is shown, then fades out.)
SOFURRY PRESENTS
A FOXSKUNKDEER99 PRODUCTION
(Cut to teenage fox going downstairs in her house.)
(Cut to her older sister holding up a dress in each hand by the fireplace.)
Alexandra: Today, we're gonna shop for some IMPROVEMENTS!
Miranda: AAAAHHHHHH!
(Cut to them shopping at Old Navy.)
Alexandra: How adorable! This one matches your eyes! Do you care if this makes your butt look big?
(Cut to Miranda falling in the football field.)
(Cut to her coming back out, wearing only her underwear, with "I (Heart) Arithmetic)" on them. Audience is laughing in the background.)
(Cut to Miranda in the motel, as a cat jumps in through the window.)
MMMEEEOOOOW!
(Cut to shot of ballerina dress hanging in her closet. Miranda can be heard screaming in the background.)
(Cut to Miranda dressed as Aurora from "Sleeping Beauty", throwing a fit in the DisneyWorld store.)
(Cut to her throwing a lamp at the window inside the dance studio.)
(Cut to her jumping out the window of Pepe Le Pews mansion, into the pool.)
(Cut to Pepe Le Pew snapping a picture of Miranda in her underwear, chuckling to himself.)
(Cut to Alexandra dressed as a princess curtseying. She then looks at Miranda, who forcibly curtseys as well.)
(Cut to Miranda sitting on the couch in her living room.)
Miranda: I will never, ever, EVER go out in public wearing that sellout! Not even if you used some hypnosis bullshit on me!
(Cut to Alexandra waving a watch in front of Miranda.)
Alexandra: You are not Miranda Fox. Your name is Princess Penny Primmy the Third. There is a ball at Toontown University. There you will find your true love. Now go, my precious!
(Cut to Miranda wearing a pink dress, skipping about.)
Miranda: Tra-la-la-da-dee!
(Screen turns white, then fades to black. Alexandra's face slowly zooms in at the center. After a few seconds, it stops.)
A WEEK WITH MY EVIL TWIN
(Some more text flys in out of nowhere, blowing up the face.)
THE FINAL CHAPTER
WRITER: FOXSKUNKDEER99
PRODUCER: FOXSKUNKDEER99
DIRECTOR: FOXSKUNKDEER99
(Text disappears, beginning our story...)
Before we go on, I should tell you that this is gonna be told from the perspective of a completely different person. So in case you think "Wait, you're not Miranda! Where's Miranda?", just remember: THERE IS NO MIRANDA. ONLY PENNY. Alright. Here we go...
It was just a LOVELY day! The sun was shining, birds were singing, it was a perfect day! I greeted every bunny rabbit, squirrel, bird, and deer that I came across. I saw a sign for a " prom" at Toon-Town University. I had no idea what a "prom" was, but it sounded just LOVELY! I skipped over to the building. When I got inside, it was pretty loud, but I was willing to give it a try. For some reason, everyone was chuckling at me. I laughed along with them. Must be the red drink in the huge bowl. I then saw an ADORABLE raccoon in a suit staring at me. "Hello PRINCESS Miranda!" He said giggling. "Where is this Miranda? I'm not Miranda. I'm Princess Penny Primmy the Third." He laughed harder to himself. So I laughed along with him. "Hey, care to dance with PRINCE CHARMING?" "Oh my goodness! You're my prince! Why, yes I'll dance with you!" So we did. He did some strange moves I never heard of, but I went along with him. Eventually, the music changed tones. It was a lot quieter, and ROMANTIC. So we moved slower. His arm held my back, as I embraced him. I followed his every movements. He was so HANDSOME, I had to kiss him. So I did. He then gave me a kiss back, this time, he put his tongue inside my mouth as he did. This was a weird way of kissing, but I went along with it. I was having just too much fun.
RRRRIIIIIPPPPP!
I don't remember much after Alexandra talked to me. But I do remember Rinny snapping his fingers, waking me up. "Oh, hey Rinny. How did I get here?" Rinny just pointed down. Everyone else was laughing their asses off. I looked back, and saw a huge poofy pink dress on the floor, that someone had been standing on. I suddenly started to feel cold. Uh-oh. I looked down, and just as I suspected, I was wearing a pair of plain-white, frilly, long underpants.
"ALEXANDRA!!!!"
THE END
The Aftermath: Part 1
I'm Miranda Fox. (For those who were too retarded to read the title.) Remember how I said that starring in the "Nutcracker" ballet at college, and being publicly humiliated in the process was the worst thing that could happen to me? Or when I said that having my bimbo of a twin sister crash by and ruin my wardrobe, as well as my overall reputation outside of college, was the worst thing that could happen to me? Well, turns out, I haven't really experienced everything that f***ing painful. At least, not until the past week, or really, the past couple of days, or so. I never, I repeat, NEVER wanted to tell ANYONE about it. But, since Rinny already knows about it, and has told the whole f***ing campus about it, I might as well spill the beans. Just keep in mind, I really f****ing hate you guys for making me tell this, so don't laugh, snicker, chuckle, wolf-whistle, make big heart-shaped eyes at, or even smile at what I'm going to tell you. Otherwise, I will hunt you down, and I will see that you get the exact same fate, while I laugh, snicker, chuckle, wolf-whistle, make big heart-shaped eyes at, and smile at you the whole f***ing time.
Anyway, on with the Miranda Fox torture porn!
It was Friday morning, and the first day of summer vacation. I should be pumped up as hell, or at least, thankful that my twin sister wasn't still mooching off of me and my mom. Unfortunately, that's exactly the case. "Morning Princess Prim-Pretty!" I ignored Alexandra and went straight to the kitchen to pour myself a bowl of 90s branded cereal. "Feelin' up for a dip in the ocean, munchkin?" "You know, the beach opens at about 3:00 PM, and it's 9:00 in the morning, so..." "Great! Cause I got you a new swimsuit!" Alexandra then held up a bright pink one-piece swimsuit with frills on the straps and a translucent skirt. "I'd say you wouldn't know actual fashion if you got hit by a truck delivering evening dresses, but this morning, I just thought of something: If you don't give a shit about my public image, why should I?" (Oh, by the way, I want you to keep that statement in mind, because it is going to be my downfall later in this story.) "That's not a nice thing to say." "Well, if you're so concerned about it, just tell Mom." "She's not here, remember?" "Like I said, I don't care anymore about what... Wait, what did you say?" "Your mom's on a business trip in California." "Why didn't you tell me that? And don't just say 'I forgot'." "OK. WE forgot to tell you." "OK. You called a babysitter or something'?" "Oh, don't be silly! She asked ME to be your guardian while she's gone!"
(Cut to Miranda, whose eyes are widening.)
Matthew Broderick: Here's where Miranda goes berserk.
Miranda: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Camera zooms out of Miranda's mouth as she screams, then cuts to some views of the suburbs, showing the powerful volume of Miranda's outburst.)
I couldn't comprehend what Alexandra just said. I kept telling myself it was all just a nightmare, and that I would wake up, see mom and tell her how grateful I am to have her as my guardian. I also kept telling myself that when I woke up, I would also hear from mom that Alexandra got a new job hanging from her underwear on the roof of some pervert's home greeting all the guests with a kiss on both cheeks. (This pervert would also be French, and thus, have French friends and relatives who visit more than often. Oh, by the way, keep this scenario in mind as well.) But, again, such was not the case. So I figured I was gonna have to take matters into my own hands. (Again.) I was gonna have to stop relying on some invisible guy in the sky in a white beard to handle my yearly schedule. (Again.) I was gonna have to start living on my own. (F***ing Again!)
I walked up to Alexandra, face-to-face, to tell her about my rights to live on my own, especially since I'm now 20, and have not considered standing up to her yet.
"Alexandra?" "Yes?" "I've decided to camp out somewhere alone while moms gone." "OK. Have a good time munchkin!"
Wow, that was easy.
So I quickly packed up my clothes (which are still materialistic dresses, by the way), my toothbrush and toothpaste, and all that shit, and left the house without even blinking. I decided to wear a bright-pink shirt with a big red heart on the center, a matching skirt with a white... Underskirt, whatever the hell they're called, and silver heels, since those were the least offensive clothes Alexandra dropped upon me. I'm gonna repeat that. LEAST OFFENSIVE. Not enjoyable, or even comfortable to wear, just the ones I can manage traveling around in. First, I stopped by a camping store, where I got a tent, a sleeping bag, some matches, and a lantern. Nothing much happened, except for when some retarded jack-off lifted up my skirt to take a picture, but I took him out before he can even set his phone to the camera app. I went into the deepest part of the forest that was across from my neighborhood. I set up the tent and my sleeping bag and shit, and tried to think of something to kill some time. Unfortunately, my brain was empty on that, so I thought I'd just read some goddamn "Fifty Shades Of Gray". (My health teacher assigned us to read it to get an idea of 'smut', even though I've seen him buying a bunch of triple-x movies god knows how many times.)
After a while I decided to get out of the tent for some fresh air. I camped in a spot close to a cliff so I could get a view of the sunset. I stood near the edge of the cliff (big dumbass move!) And looked down at the river, where I saw a crocodile staring at me. "What're YOU lookin' at? You think you got it easy? Huh? Livin' in the river without one f*** being given? Well, I have to wear clothes like THESE because of my dumbass sister!" I turned around, bent over, and lifted up my skirt, flashing my "I (Heart) Arithmetic" panties at the reptile. "Yeah, you wanna kiss it? Huh? You wanna kiss it?" I then pulled them down, officially mooning the crocodile. "Well, if that's what you want, then why don't you come on up and give a big ol' kiss on my ASSSSSSSS!" I suddenly slipped on the edge, and found my self falling off, until I caught a big root sticking out of the side surface. I thought I was safe for the moment, until my shoes slipped off my feet and fell right into the reptile's mouth. He chewed them up then swallowed them. Immediately after, he looked up at me, then licked his lips. "Oh, shit." Was all I should think to myself. He began jumping up, trying to get me, but, luckily, I was far from his reach. Until my hands were getting sweaty and slippery from the pressure, and I lost my grip on the branch. I fell down straight into the crocodiles mouth. But I popped out seconds later, my clothes now infested with rips and tears, and spreading his jaws apart with my feet, screaming. "HEEEEELP MEEEEEE! SOMEBODY! THERES A FOX BEING ATTACKED BY A CROCODILE DOWN HERE! ANYONE?! I NEED HELP HERE!" Just then, I remembered something. I had camped in the deepest part of the forest, where there were no rangers or campers or anyone. I was gonna have to get out of this myself. I was brought back to my current predicament when the crocodile began snipping, trying to get me off. Eventually, he slammed his mouth closed, which rocketed me far up in the sky, and even above the clouds. I eventually stopped going up, and started falling back down, desperatley flapping my arms and legs, heading right back for the crocodiles mouth. Fortunately, I landed right in the water, but he caught my whole skirt in his teeth, and ate it up. (Not that I really cared about that thing, though.) He then began swimming towards me, so I began swimming away as fast as my arms and legs could take me. Suddenly, I felt a deep, truly painful feeling between my legs. The brute had lifted me up by my panties, and thrown me into the air to catch in his mouth. Fortunately, he only managed to bite down into my shirt, shooting me out of it like a banana out of its peel. I landed face-flat on the side surface of the cliff, where I managed to grab a lower edge. By this time, I was wearing nothing but my underwear, but I didn't care. I just wanted to get the f*** away from this beast. I began to climb up the cliff, but suddenly, I heard a snapping sound, and I felt another wedgie. The bully began pulling me by my panties, trying to get me in his mouth yet again. The wedgie was getting deeper and more painful by the second, but I held onto the edge, refusing to let go. He kept pulling and pulling until my panties were stretched about six feet away from the wearer. (That being me, of course.) Suddenly, I noticed the crocodile getting a good glimpse of my naked rear being exposed. Normally I would be annoyed as hell, but the view caused him to let go of my undies to give a wolf-whistle, and I don't care if the feeling of the panties slapping back on my buttocks hurt like the dickens, it shot me far up to the top of the cliff, where I landed face-flat. I stood up, happy to be away from that creature, but, as usual, there was a catch to that. The second I stood up straight, I was blinded by a whole bunch of flashing lights. Women were giggling and men were gazing with heart-shaped eyes at the sight of me in my underwear. Eventually, the joke got old and everyone left. As soon as I clarified that absolutely everyone was gone, I looked down at the crocodile. "Ha! No dinner for YOU tonight! You can kiss my..." I immediately refrained from finishing the declaration. The whole day had been a f***ing nightmare, but, at least it could have been worse... That's what I thought before my bra and panties fell apart, and I was left naked. I quickly covered my privites, and raced inside my tent and into my sleeping bag, without even changing into PJs, and dozed off, hoping that tommorow will be better then today. God, I can't describe how wrong I was.
To be continued...
Part 2
For those who may have read the last part of this story, (and admit it, you have) you all might have the same question in mind: Is that the most embarrassing part of this story? Answer: No. It doesn't even scratch the surface. Don't get me wrong, it was both figuratively, and literally painful, nearly being crocodile chow and gettin caught in girly undies, but the worst is far from over. Way, way, WAY far from over...
Yes, I will tell it to you now.
That morning, I rummaged through my duffel bag, trying desperately to find an outfit that wouldn't be seen further than three feet away from me, and wasn't too stuffy. Unfortunately, the most I could find was a huge poofy purple gown with frills and the skirt, a white.. Underdress, I guess, I don't know, you tell me what they're called, and I might spare you your dignity. Then there was a white undershirt, and long white... Underpants. Yes, there is/was such a thing. There was also a bright pink ballerina outfit, as well as a matching pair of shoes, and pair of frilly matching panties, but to be honest, I would rather go out in a huge poofy dress that covers so much of my body that I might get toasted alive then go out in an outfit that exposes TOO much of my body. Hell, I'd even rather walk around naked then wear that. No, I'm not doing that to all you pervs reading this, of course I'm taking the dress and long underwear.
(Cut to panting various animals smiling for the first couple seconds, gazing at a single computer screen, then immediately frowning with a cartoon sound effect accompanying that action.)
Anyway, I put on the goddamn dress, and went to gather up some wood to start a fire and make some breaky. On the way in though, I suddenly found myself unable to move my feet off the ground. I pulled and pulled, but it didn't do no damn good. I looked down, and was shocked to discover that I had stepped into a pool of quicksand! I desperately looked around to find something to pull on and get out of this "sticky" situation. (Cut to various animals staring at the computer screen from earlier, groaning and murmuring "ha-ha".) Finally, I saw a long, thick branch just above me. I seized my chance, (that being the branch) and pulled myself out of the quicksand. When I landed back on normal ground, the first thing I noticed, was that I was barefoot. It then occurred to me that I must have lost my shoes back there. But, again, it wasn't that big a loss. At least, not now.
Well, I've got some decent-sized pieces of wood, and enough matches to last the whole week. So I went out of the woods to go to the dollar store and get some bacon or eggs or something. But, for SOME goddamn reason, they kicked me out. It took a while for my brain cells to put two and two together, but after a while, I noticed a sign I had overlooked when walking in. On it were the words: "NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE!" F***ing convenience stores and their nitpicky rules.
Now I didn't want to get new shoes and go all the way back to that store, so I just decided to look through the forest for something edible. After about three minutes searching, I was suddenly pulled back. I turned, and saw my dress caught in a huge branch. It was pretty deep in there too. I kept trying to pull out and get on with this, but neither the dress nor the branch would budge. F***ing dress. I have to lift up the skirt every time I walk, cause if I don't, I would trip on it and possibly even expose myself to anyone in the forest who's dumb enough to think this area is the best place for camping. Then I thought to myself: "F*** it!", and tore the whole dress off. Though, I gotta admit, it WOULD make excellent firewood later on. But even taking out that whole mishap, I had no luck finding anything that tasty. The most I could find were a couple of bushes with berries growing on it. Foxes are naturally omnivores, so I guess that will give me my required energy.
I managed to survive the whole day with those berries, but that night, let me tell you, I had no idea what was in store for me. I was sitting at the campfire cooking up some fried berries, when I noticed the fire dimming down a bit. I decided to go get some firewood. This wasn't the first time that day that I needed more firewood, but thankfully, it was the last. I looked around desperately, for even just the skinniest twigs, but no luck. I did however hear a smooth voice somewhere in the forest. "Ssssay now, what have we here? It's a delicioussss fox cub..." "I'm not a cub. I'm in my sophomore year in college." "Whatever. You must be tired today..." "Hell, yeah." "Sssooo just gooooo to ssleeeeep..."
NOTE: MIRANDA WILL NOT BE ABLE TO DESCRIBE THE FOLLOWING SCENE, AS SHE DOES'NT REMEMBER IT. AT ALL. SO INSTEAD, YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM SOME BRITISH-ACCENTED KNOW-IT-ALL FOR THIS SCENE.
The "foxy" young lady was immediately captivated by the reptiles vibrantly colored pupils, as he continued to chant "Goooo to sssleeeeep... Gooooo to ssssleeeep... Goooo to sssleeep fox cub...". The poor canine failed to notice his tail wrapping around her entire body, carrying her high in a nearby tree. "I'm not a cu... ULP!" The vulpine stuttered before becoming completely within the constrictors grasp. The beast spread his jaws in order to consume his prey. However, he didn't predict the tail originating from the rear end (quite a captivating ass, by the way) swatting at his face. The great force of the long bone encased in fur...'s swat caused him to greatly ease his grip on the vulpine, allowing her to drop from the branch they were settled on, bumping into various branches on he journey down, but managing to land safely on the ground. Such safe landing was mainly due to the jelly-like structures on her buttocks, and...
Knock it off, I'm back!
Oh, sorry. I will allow you to have the rest of the enjoyment...
GET OUTTA HERE YOU PRICK!
Where was I? Oh, right.
I don't remember much after hearing that voice...
I already established that...
Did you establish that I want you out of the rest of this?!
OK, I'm leaving!
Sorry. The next thing I knew, I was face-flat on the ground. I spat out some pieces of dirt, then I saw a large snake crawling away with a knot in his tail, muttering. I'm not questioning it, so why would you? Anyway, I got up, and walked out of the forest, only to be immediately blinded by a series of bright flashing lights. Once my eyes adjusted to it, I was shocked to see a whole group of male (plus a few females) animals snapping pictures, and panting, and smiling with heart-shaped eyes. I knew this could only mean bad news, so I looked down, and screamed in horror, like a little girl in fact, upon the realization that I was butt-naked! I desperately looked around for my remaining clothes, and found them. Hanging from the highest branch in the highest tree. F*** you fate. I covered myself as the guys continued to snap photos of... Myself.
(Cut to the same animals from earlier staring at the computer screen, looking bored. One of them hears a vibration in their pocket. So he pull out his phone, looks at it, and howls in delight (he's a wolf), then just stares at it with his mouth open, and eyes heart-shaped. The other guys look at his phone, and react the same way as the wolf. Then the wolf rushes into the bathroom, with the other guys banging on the door.)
When the group FINALLY finished with their retarded photo-snapping, they left. I also noticed that I didn't have any firewood either, and after all that happened, I decided it wasn't worth it. So I just put out the fire, raced into the tent, and, again, without even putting on some PJs, fell asleep, hoping that tomorrow will be significantly better then the last two days. Try to guess how right I was.
To be continued...
Part 3
I hope you guys appreciate what I do for you. I mean, obviously you do read these stories, but let me tell you, it's not easy thinking back to these events without wanting to punch something. I mean, if you want to see me in my most embarrassing moment in this timeline of equally embarrassing moments, you're in for a treat. You know what? I'd actually be willing to have that memory extracted from my brain, and have it recorded into a story so that YOU can remember the event for me, while I just assume that its some perverts fan fictionalized tale of my life. And that's exactly what I'm doing.
That morning, I looked in my bag. Sure enough, it was still there. My nemesis. That f***ing pink ballerina dress. Every other outfit available was... Well, here's a list of the other ones:
Snow White's dress Cinderella's dresses (both the pink and blue ones) Alice's dress (from Disney's "Alice In Wonderland") Wendy's nightgown (from Disney's "Peter Pan") Tinker Bells dress Aurora's dresses (both the pink and blue ones) Maid Marians outfit (from Disney's "Robin Hood") Jessica Rabbit's dress Ariel's dress Belles golden gown Megara's dress (from Disney's "Hercules") Jane Porter's dress (from Disney's "Tarzan") Melody's dress (from that sequel to Disney's " Little Mermaid") Jane's nightgown (from that sequel to Disney's "Peter Pan") Giselle's wedding dress Charlotte LA Bouff dress Rapunzel's dress Anna's green ball gown Sofia's dress Princess Peach dress Daphne Blake's outfit Sailor Moon "uniform" Dorothy Gale's dress
So... Yeah. Alexandra just bought/crafted a bunch of display costumes for me.
I had no other choice. I put on the ballerina costume. So, if there's anyone who, at one point, saw a young vixen wearing a ballerina outfit in the middle of the forest, and you thought that vixen was crazy, then, you should give yourself twenty spankings for being so retarded.
Anyway, I walked out into the forest to get some more firewood. But, you try avoiding sharp branches wearing a ridiculously wide skirt, and if you succeed at all, BOOM! You deserve a million bucks! Yeah, every time I made a turn, or even took a 3-inch step, the tutu always managed to get caught in something. I wouldn't give a damn for that thing, but I've learned my lesson about not giving damns for even the girliest clothes in the past two days. After the, what? Fiftieth time, I just lost my cool. I kneeled down, and stuck up my "fingers" for god to see. "DAMN YOU ALEXANDRA! DAMN YOU TO HELL!" After that awkward breakdown, I just threw a stick, still pissed off. Now, you're probably wondering: "Why did you describe your simple action of throwing a stick? Don't you have more important events to describe?" As a matter of fact, you're right. I have no idea why I put that here. I mean, it's not like that stick hit a nearby wolf, (a feral wolf, not Wile E. Coyote or anything) riling him up, and resulting in yet another animal-related mishap. That act of throwing the stick sure wasn't important. Nor is the fact that, after losing my shoes in Quicksand's, and getting my tutu torn off by the wolf's failed pounce on me, I tried climbing up a huge tree, only to have that canine bite me in the frilly, bright-pink panties with red hearts decorated all over. I also can assure you that being pulled by the panties by the wolf, stretching that tree down, and his action of letting go (I know that he saw my bare ass cause I could briefly see something of his "sticking out") would, in no conceivable way, send me shooting from that tree, and have me land, hanging by my panties on the roof of a local house. Did I say " local house"? Sorry, I meant to say "mansion owned by a particular horny french skunk who just happened to be standing in front of me when I opened my eyes after realizing that I was not dying". See? Its all 100% not needed! Anyway, I was annoyed seeing this guy looking at me in this state. I haven't been particularly fond of him in the past. "Halo my leetle saucy vixen! Eets been a while, has'nt eet?" Suddenly, a whole bunch of other skunks dropped by the house, and, after seeing me, immediatley began snapping photos, and massaging my elastic-covered breasts and butt. "My, you are quite ze attention-grabber. Tell you what. My family and I will pay you for staying here and greeting all my guests." He then held up a bunch of hundred dollar bills. By the way, remember earlier in part one when I said to keep in mind the saying "if they don't care, why should I"? Well, this is where I take it to heart. By now, I just didn't care that I was now the main attraction of a perverted skunks mansion, or even the fact that I would later be forced to dress in those costumes from my luggage that I mentioned earlier (one of Pepe's relatives found it in the woods and brought it back, I guess.) All I cared about was getting paid by a rich guy. So, there! Happy now? Well, I'm not. I've been writing the whole series of events while hanging from my underwear for day 25, and if you say "that's nothing", I will f***ing kill you.
To be concluded... ("Back To The Future" theme here)
Part 3.5
Well, I didn't want to, but so many pervs begged to tell you about my detailed experience having a job where I do nothing but hang by my panties on the roof of Pepe Le Pew's mansion, and attract guests for his parties.
So, since you won't shut up, here you go...
The next morning, after landing on Pepe's roof, I was escorted into his mansion to change into my "outfit for ze day" as he calls it. It was Darla Dimple's dress, from "Cats Don't Dance". They even gave me her exact hairstyle, complete with the ribbon. Then, they had me climb up the roof, and position my panties so that they were hanging from the edge with me still wearing them. For the first hour or so, no one would show up. Then I would notice my skirt falling down, then a bunch of random guys passing by would run over with their mouths hanging open and their eyes shaped like hearts to gaze at my butt. Then Pepe would go out and charge them to have their picture taken with me. (About half of these guys would touch my privates in their picture.) Then, Pepe would escort me inside, and have me remove one particular article of the costume, then go back outside, and grab the attention of twice as many passerby's. The routine would continue until I was practically naked (with, of course, the exception of my panties.) The only time they would let me inside would be, outside of stripping a shirt, would be for me to eat, shower, brush my teeth, or do my business. Though, did they really f***ing have to get one of their group to spy on me, making sure I don't escape?! I wasn't gonna leave, I'm getting big bucks for this, in spite of my humiliation! Then each night, I would have to sleep alongside one of their relatives, naked.
This schedule went on for a month and a half. Now, many of you have also begged me to mention what I thought was the most humiliating moment of my job. Well, I'm going to show you, just because you said " please.
Now, part of the relatives party was a pair of cubs. How do I describe them? Well, there are three ways I label children. One: "Goodie Two-Shoes". These are children who are so disgustingly adorable, they're not far from having overly-sappy music playing in the background. Two: " Kinda Cool Kids". Children who are pretty tolerable to be around with. They like the same stuff that you like, and they're very mature for their age. Three: "Downright Brats". These are the ones that just won't shut up. They're the ones who make grating noises, nearly kill each other with their Nerf guns, and do everything in their power to bug adults. These cubs are number 3. Anyway, one night, I was just hanging there on the roof, when these cubs just passed by, shooting each other with water guns and all. Then they stopped in front of me. Then one just spoke without thinking. " You gonna take a bath out here? You smell bad! Haha!" Now, I had showered, like, two hours ago back then, and used extra vanilla shampoo. This kid must have terrible tastes. Just then, he shot at me with that gun. In the face. The other one began shooting my butt with his own gun. In the open space where my naked cheeks were being exposed. They kept splashing me and laughing, until I eventually couldn't handle it anymore. I grabbed the gun from one of the kids, and shot him in the groin. He got up, and immediately started making the puppy-eyes face, welling up with tears. I frantically tried to calm him down, going "SHHHH! Shh! You're gonna be alright!" But he just up and started bawling "MOMMY! DADDY! DADDY!" He then ran inside, and turned me in. Half a minute later, Pepe came outside, took me down from the roof, dragged me in his room, lay me on my lap, ripped my panties off, and began spanking me. "How dare you hurt my nephew! He's just an innocent little kid!" "Innocent"?! He also scolded me for not covering my rack when they were around me. Finally, when my rump was redder then I should be, he finished, gave me a new pair of panties, and put me back on the roof. A minute later, the cubs came back, and, this time: One: I covered my chest. And two: They began pouring buckets of water on me.
So, there you have it. I practically spent the whole month flashing for horny passebys, posing in embarrassingly girly costumes, and being a literal target for kids whose voices would make the Rugrats cringe in annoyance.
(Audience gasps).
Oh, yeah. I just did that. I just trolled "Rugrats". F***ing show.
(Audience starts complaining).
Hey, I told you there was a catch to this! You make me please you, now I'm pleasing myself! I may still be in a perverted position right now, but at least they're not making me watch that retarded cartoon!
(Audience starts crying.)
Revenge is sweet...
To be concluded... ("Back To The Future" theme here.) (Yeah, I know I did that in part 3, but the story's almost over, so... I might as well hear that kick-ass theme. Not that preschool-keyboard excuse for an opening theme...) (Gets hit by a brick from nowhere.) (OK, I'm done trashing "Rugrats".)
The Final Chapter
Well, this is day 365 out of the time I've spent hanging by my panties on the roof of the Le-Pews. At least, I think its day 100, I've lost count because I've been counting the number of times I've been spanked for the past month. Anyway, I'm now wearing nothing but my unimpressed expression, my unbound hair, and of course, the same old panties I've been wearing for the past 3 months since I first ended up here. I'll admit, I've quite gotten used to that aching wedgie by now, as well as the feeling of a cool breeze in my butt-cheeks. But enough fan-service, here's the final chapter of my epic saga!
It was the afternoon of December 1. I was, by that point, down to my panties after wearing one of those "sexy Santa" costumes, when I suddenly noticed a car parking by the house. I noticed a fox at the wheel, and was initially overjoyed that Mom had finally come back, and had come here to save me. My happiness, however, was immediately drained out of my head when I saw that it was Satan's daughter herself, Alexandra. "Miranda, Munchkin! I'm so glad to see you, I could just hug you and kiss you and just eat you up! Oh, my, you look cold! When we get home, I'll fix up a cup of tea, that way we can play tea party and wear all sorts of pretty dresses and..." "YOU WANT TO HELP ME?! THEN READ MY LIPS: THE AVERAGE NORTH KOREAN CITIZEN HAS IT EASY COMPARED TO THE SUFFERING I'VE BEEN THROUGH WITH YOU AROUND! YOU ARE THE BIGGEST, LAZIEST, MOST PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR AN OLDER SISTER I'VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF SHARING MY GENETIC HISTORY WITH! AND YOU ARE THE NUMBER ONE REASON FEMINISM IS INEFFECTIVE! NOW GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE, AND TAKE SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT YOUR GODDAMN SISTER!!!" Alexandra did nothing for half a minute. She just stood there and stared at me, absorbing what I just said. Then, her eyes began to swell up with water, then she began sobbing, and immediately ran back to the car, and left without another action. I looked at the Le-Pews, who were gazing back with expressions that said: "No. Just no." Something wasn't right here. I should be proud of myself that I told out Alexandra, especially considering all that she has indirectly gotten me into, but another part of me started to think about how much she enjoyed my company. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like a dirty bitch for my attitude toward her. Just then, I heard a ripping sound, and found myself lying face-flat on the dirt. Thanks, God. I deserve that. I barely noticed my panties that were still on the roof, as I grabbed my stuff from the bedroom, and left. I didn't bother to run by the store and get some new clothes, as 1. I'd likely be arrested for public nudity, and 2. My main goal was to get back home. I just walked through the forest before eventually coming across my camping equipment. I packed it all up, then headed back to my home. Finally, after what felt like 2 hours, I found it. I could tell it was my house because there had always been a huge boulder in the front. I walked up to the doorway, rubbed my muddy feet against the carpet, and rang the doorbell. Alexandra answered, then frowned. "I know, I know. Just write down all your feelings on a piece of paper, then hand it to me so I can read it in my room. I've been quite the a-hole to you, and I thought I could do everything myself. But I can't get through 10 minutes without losing my clothes and getting a scratch or two. You're a great sister, and I should have realized that when I first met you." Alexandra then went into the kitchen, then came out seconds later with a piece of paper. I took it, and read: "You're the best sister I could have." Forgive me if this is a bit sentimental for your tastes, but after reading those words, I felt a fuzzy spot in my heart. I immediately embraced Alexandra, promising myself never to ditch her again, I even shed a tear or two. After a whole minute of my big redemption, Alexandra broke out and spoke up. "By the way, Mom found out what you were doing for a job, and she literally died of horror. Looks like I'm going to be your guardian!" I just stood there with an expressionless look on my face for a few seconds. Then I ran upstairs, and came back down with a box and "miserable jobless person" makeup on my face, before making my way outside, sitting inside the box, and holding up a sign with the words: "Will do anything for money."
I know what you're thinking: "Is there anything else that happened after that?"
Well, after an hour of sitting out there, I started to get cold, so I went back inside and had some tea with Alexandra, before going to sleep in my own bed.
"What else?"
Well, I decided to let Rinny call me "princess", since my "girly" attire seemed to attract him, and he invited me over more often for that. At some point we kinda broke up when he heard about my time with the Le-Pews, but after telling him that none of them meant anything to me, he came back. Also, after we graduated from College, we got married, became nudists (hey, its still better than Alexandra's clothing options for me), and I became the star of a nature survival show, seeing how I survived all those encounters with feral creatures.
So there! That's my story! Nothing embarrassing happened anymore. Unless you want more details about my time with the Le-Pews, there's nothing to see here! Seriously, shows over! Get out! Thank you. Bye.
THE END.