A JBIAF Nativity Spoof
A JBIAF NATIVITY SPOOF
"Aww, Vincent! Do we have to go to church?!" Whined Robyn McClaire, as her respective vulpine guardian escorted her to his boss' limousine. "Vell, according to Christmas interpreters, not going to Church is like slaughtering entire spiritual group..." Responded Miaska, the Russian-accented puppy, as she begrudgingly stepped into her own vehicle with her adult companion.
"Welcome. We are gathered here on this first day of the holy month to..." "Lemme guess..." Whispered Edna to her lagomorph friend Ellen. "... Discuss the Lord's significance on everyone." The pastor then proclaimed the exact same sentence. "Let us stand and sing the exact same songs we've been singing for the past, what, 2,017 years..." Robyn remained seated before finding her hand tugged at by Vincent. "Come on, it's time to sing." "Why?" "'Cause you should respect God." "Why? Does he even exist?" "......... I don't know, maybe he just can't be seen." "Have you seen anything magically happen for no other reason than 'God did it'?" "No... But that's not what this is about. It's about having a relationship with him." "The guy who brought a flood to the Earth just 'cause he didn't like how we were behaving?" "...... It makes sense in context, just stand."
ONE TEDIOUS SONG-AND-LECTURE-FILLED HOUR LATER...
"Wow. That really gave me a whole new perspective on life. I mean, staying in school to discover what you want to pursue in your career? I never thought about Acme Acres that way!" Robyn announced in an exaggerated tone. "I mean, here I was thinking about how school should be more engaging to get their students to remember the lessons better! But nope! Staying in school! Genius!" "Cut it out, Robbie." Replied Ellen. "I don't like these sermons anymore than you, but it's over, and we're going to the pool now!"
"Um... Could you please not stare at my butt?" Kennedy the kitten, Grace the fawn, and Lana the lamb requested as they removed their shirts and/or dresses, revealing their tight buttocks fitted in their swimsuits. "Let 'em look..." The three cubs then found their rumps smacked by Miaska, Lacey the lioness cub, and Clarice the brunette human 12-year-old in unison. "I think you underestimate power of male physique..." Declared the husky. "Or their kindness..." "Or their mon... I mean, um... Sports obsession..." The canine, feline, and primate then seated themselves each onto the pelvis of a particular male of choice, who then proceeded to massage their chests and groins, while the kitten, fawn, and lamb fixed their rustled garments in unhappiness.
"Uh-oh..." Declared Edna the stylized vixen, Ellen the bunny, and Sage the skunk kit, looking down at the ripped crotch areas of their respective swimsuits. "Could you mind... 'Covering' for us?"
*Cue rim-shot*
Matthew the skunk, Dalton the buck, and Wesley the wolf each placed their hands onto the slits and posteriors of the exaggeratedly-distressed cubs.
"COME GET YER COPYRIGHTED-CHARACTER ICE CREAM! BUY ONE, GET A FREE POPSICLE FROM MY PANTS!" Dixie the 9-year-old donkey girl observed a shady man in a makeshift ice-cream stand, announcing the aforementioned quote. "ME FIRST!" Was all she responded with, before prancing to, and hopping in the van, which immediately began to tremble, as her now-torn bright-pink one-piece with a frilly skirt was tossed out. "This is fun!" Was all that was heard of her slightly-lower-pitched-than-the-average-pre-teen-girl voice.
As Clarice, and the other human preteen girl in the fellowship, Amy, were slowly-but-surely caressed in the chest and groin by a male brown bear and polar bear respectively, their eyelids began to droop, with only the touch of their partner's strong stubby appendages fresh in their minds.
"Clarice... Amy..." The two were unexpectedly awakened by an unusual sight: A literally-glowing trio of mammals, one a vixen, one a female skunk, and the third a doe, yet all with adequately-sized breasts, a plump set of vagina walls, a set of slender arms and legs, a pair of wings, and a complete lack of clothing. "Who the f*** are..." "We are servants of Tohn-Oo-Fil." The three lovely females replied in an angelic, Meryl-Streep-ish tone. "We have news for you and your..." The beings gazed at all the female cubs flirting with their adult guardians. "... Friends... All of your young companions have been chosen to bear his children." "Why us?" "............... I don't know. Said he just picked you from a random viewing of InkBunny's gallery. Anyway, all of you are invited to join us on Christmas Eve at the North Pole to assist in this event, if you know what we mean..." "Wait, if we go back, that means..." "Yes, your experiences as primates will expire. Do not worry, Tohn-Oo-Fil himself has said: 'Furries Make Everything Better'... Farewell, and Merry Christmas, Clarice... Amy... Clarice... Amy..."
"Clarice? Amy?" The humans found themselves facing Robyn in the eyes. "Oh, sorry. We were just visited by..."
ONE EXPLANATION LATER...
Vincent found himself struggling to hold both Robyn as she continuously tipped over from laughing, and Dixie, as she had just collapsed from her recent encounter with the ice-cream guy. "I swear, I'm tellin' the truth!" "Prove it!" "Well, uh... These stories on SoFurry and InkBunny..." "Oh, great, here we go again with- Of COURSE they'll tell us he exists!" "Wait, didn't YOU go along with his actions from time-to-time?" "....... Good point... You know, I actually AM kinda sick of spendin' Christmas in ol' California, where we've gotten, what, ZERO snow? Let's go pack up! Unless you wanna..." Robyn then noticed her friends, young and old, each holding a piece of luggage, one with a stamp proclaiming "North Pole Or Bust". "OK. I guess not."
ONE INEXPLICABLE TRIP TO THE NORTH POLE LATER...
"Oh, hey! Prancer! It's been quite a while... I almost forgot I used to live here..." Vincent greeted a beautiful doe as he and his now-desperate-for-warmth friends trudged through the snow. "Yes. Why are Clarice and Amy here? And why are they now designed like Disney's Alice and Wendy Darling, in that, they're supposed to be underage, yet look about 18 or even 15?" "If there's anything I've learned down on Earth, especially in Acme Acres, it's not to question this kind of logic... Now, is there a place we can...?" Vincent then observed a small, well-lit barn, where 8 other caribou stood, presumably in the nude, judging from A: Vincent's Currently-Limited Sight. Or B: A Large, Glowing Sausage-Shaped Organ Emitting From The Groin Of One Of The Male Reindeer.
(Answer: B)
The 15 cubs and 16 adults spent the next 3 or 4 minutes positioning themselves, or more specifically, their rear-ends and/or crotches, by every single source of light, from the fanciest lamp to the most-commonly-malfunctioning bulb. "So... You had this barn for any other uses besides paying homage to one of the most iconic Holiday-Themed stories of all time?" "Well, we gotta connect with the quote-unquote 'Real Story' somehow..." A slight section of Robyn's heart emptied out it's weight at the somewhat-agreement of her views. "Oh, well. It's almost Midnight anyway..." "Clarice, Amy, I think it's time for you two to show your real colors..." The brunette and blond human girls nodded in agreement before stepping up to the center of the barn.
Amy then proceeded to undo the straps of her Mary-Jane shoes, before kicking them off. She then slid down her plain-white stockings, and stripped them off her elegant feet, before moving her fingers to the back of her blue dress, where she undid the strings holding her apron to her waist. Amy lifted up the edge of her dress, revealing her frilly white bloomers, over her torso, and off her body altogether, before removing her plain-white training bra and underpants. Clarice kicked off her purple shoes, slid down her matching skirt, pulled off her equally-purple shirt, and stripped off her frilly pink bra and panties.
The two humans stood there with their hands fidgeting behind their spines, slightly red-faced from their exposed flat chests, petite nipples, and supple vaginas. But, after one look at Dasher, who raised his hoof in approval, they closed their eyes, spread their legs, and positioned their fingers, before they found themselves consumed by a swarm of illuminating specks. They remained unseen by their 13 companions for the next 15 seconds, until the sprites slowly disappeared, leaving Amy and Clarice still standing, with little-to-no changes in their appearance. ".... Shit." Clarice mouthed, before snapping her fingers. A split-second later, she and her blond companion were now covered in brunette and/or cream-colored fur, their hands and feet replaced with grey hooves, their bare bodies decorated in spots, and their behinds supplied with a short fluffy tail. "Alright girls, let's get started..." Comet and Dasher then took Clarice and Amy, respectively, by the legs, and slowly inserted their significantly larger meat inside their tunnels. The calves briefly and softly yelped at this action, before they were pinned to the wooden floor.
"HE...! MPH! FFRRMM!" Was all Kennedy could muster as she was abruptly gagged by Slick. "Don't worry... I'll be gentle this time..." Responded the polecat, before tying her hands to a beam on the roof. He then yanked off her black shoes, bit off her pink socks, spread her legs apart, and tied each of her feet to a convenient loose nail on the ground. Slick immediately proceeded to tear off her pink coat, purple shirt, and frilly pink training-bra, before pinching her tiny nipples. The polecat knelt before the captive kitten, bit into the edge of her violet skirt, ripped it clean off, and repeated the process with her frilly pink panties, before greedily lapping at her crotch and anus, much to her embarrassment.
Grace, meanwhile, was yanked by her legs by Blitzen, taped by her mouth, and tied by her wrists and knees to a couple of upper beams upside-down, her face flushing with humiliation as her skirt dropped to expose her feminine undergarments to everyone in the room. Slick walked over with hearts in his eyes, before ripping off her shoes, socks, bright-purple coat, pink shirt with a single heart decorated, glittering purple skirt, and frilly white panties with polka-dots decorated, and sliding his bony appendages into her temple while his cock dangled before the fawn's face. Grace attempted to dodge the very tip with what little distance from it was possible. Her efforts, however, were unsuccessful, and she felt her whole face would turn green once Slick noticed Lana being bounded with her rump pointed up, and her wool shaved off.
"Miaska Aleksandrova and Lacey The Lioness... For trotting everywhere you go like you own the place, ACTING like you own the place, underage drinking without a single symptom of real-life consequences, mockingly pointing out your peers' small breasts, even though, by all anatomic laws, your own breasts are as large as an Airplane landing site, and worst of all: Consuming all the milk and cookies that your parents were saving for the Big Man, you're spots on the naughty list will be confirmed..." With that, Donner grabbed Miaska by the leg, and slid off her black furry boots, before yanking off her pink stocking. He then repeated these actions with her other leg, before tearing at her large red coat, pausing every second at the buttons each flicked onto his forehead, and pulling it off her head. The caribou tore off the husky's slim, bright-green dress, as well as her bright-pink training-bra with cherries decorated, and matching panties, before gagging, and tying her up. Vixen, in the meantime, tore off Lacey's dark-green coat, red dress, furry white boots, and dark-pink stockings, training bra, and frilly panties, and bound her by her legs, arms, and mouth. Neither the canine, nor the feline, however, were distressed, or even bothered, by their treatment. If anything, they couldn't wait any longer for their well-deserved punishment...
"Um... Tohn-Oo-Fil?"
Yes, Robyn?
"It's Christmas, you know, so... You mind lightening the unfortunate implications?"
Oh, sorry, Robyn dear...
"Hey, handsome..." Was all Dixie announced, before struggling to kick off her boots, then resorting to undoing them, and sliding them off. The bucktoothed foal then tugged at her plain-white stockings, until they were clean off her hooves. "First-timer, eh?" Dixie soothed as she slid off her dark-blue coat. "So am I..." She pulled off her red sweater at this. "In fact... I shouldn't even be doing this out-of-context..." Dixie slid down her green skirt, before kicking it off. "But that's just how you like it, you sick, sick, perverts..." She undid her frilly pink training bra, before spinning it over her head, tossing it aside, and massaging her petite not-yet-breasts. "Like they say..." The donkey declared seductively as she slid down her frilly pink panties and dangled them over her one leg. "Get 'em while they're young..." Dixie kicked off the last of her clothes before walking past a drooling Slick towards a table laden with bowls of cheetos, twinkies, sausages, popsicles, bananas, breadsticks, and other butts of innuend... Wait, I just made one myself...
"Oh!" Ellen briefly resisted when Dancer knelt down and touched her heels, his muzzle unexpectedly propping up her pink skirt. "Oh, go on, please!" The rabbit replied in a high-pitched, upbeat tone. "It almost feels like a warm breeze melting the ice form my hips..." Her boots and stockings were then removed by the caribou. "You know, I've wanted to go outside in the nude just to see if my fur really IS enough to shelter me from the cold, BUT I've got human anatomy for some reason, so that'd be very risky..." As she chattered away, Dancer slid the sleeves of Ellen's dress down her shoulders, then pulled the torso half down to her hips, before letting it drop, and proceeding to remove her bright-blue-and-white striped training-bra and panties. "You know, all my provocative experiences have got me thinking: Why do guys like seeing girls' underwear? I mean, even if we're not stripping it off, they always go heart-eyed when they see my hearts or polka-dots or frills. Maybe they either wanna be the ones to remove it themselves, so they can unveil our private parts, that are all pretty much identical, OR they see our clothing choices as factors of our personalities, and they've been told to admire our personalities, as well as our looks, so... That's such a genius attraction method!" The lagomorph declared as she was fondled by her nipples and slits.
Prancer and Cupid were understandably shocked as Faith the Fennec and Odette the otter each lifted up their respective skirts to reveal their red-and-green striped panties with their pupils enlarged and their mouths quivering. "Well, you've been good little girls this year... How can we not give your presents?" Was all Cupid responded, before he and Prancer lifted up the preteen canine and mustelid, removed their clothes, and groped their chests and crotches, much to the cubs' amusement.
"Hey, I wasn't...! I didn't say...! Just lemme...! Oh... Fine. You win." Was all Edna said as her black Mary-Jane shoes, blue skirt, and plain-white socks, shirt, and panties with a single bow decorated, were all torn off by half of the remaining guardians, and she found herself surrounded by their comparatively-large cocks.
"To those who think that they can better sing and dance and jump, just watch us, and admire us, then you can kiss my rump!" Chanted Sage the skunk kit and Wendi the wolf cub as they danced before the 7 adult males, tossed their clothing into their snouts/muzzles, and presented their behinds, which they spread for their provocation.
All this erotic madness was witnessed by the little vixen cub with an empty internal organ. Oh, and her heart's metaphorically dropping at the sight, too. "What's the matter?" Robyn was initially shocked by this sudden dialogue. "What's wrong? Don't you recall the most famous reindeer of all?" The kit briefly shielded her eyes from the reindeer's glowing red nose. And cock.
Didn't see it coming, did ya? Oh, yes, you did? Oh, well, it's still sexy, am I right? No? Then you probably shouldn't be on this site...
Robyn's envious frown slowly evolved into an erection-inducing smile. "Rudolph, with your meat so bright, won't you guide my uterus tonight?"
(Cut to a random guy sarcastically laughing at the line, before pulling out a Tommy Gun and shooting everywhere.)
Hey, you wanna see, or hear, something funnier?
(Cue random guy nodding.)
Here ya go!
ONE MENTAL CASTRATION LATER...
(Cut to the random guy returning to the laptop with an expression that that cat with the perpetually-grumpy face would admire, then reading the aforementioned pun.)
RG: HAHAHAHA! HIS... IT'S SO RIDIC... HAHAHA!! YOU ARE A GENIUS, FOXSKUNKDEER99!
Ain't I? Or a stinker? (In all honesty, I had to revisit a 'Nam experience to provide this joke...)
Anyway...!
The caribou removed Robyn's black Mary-Jane shoes and grey stocking, before prodding her soles with his hooves, muzzle, and tongue, and prompting a series of chuckles from the canine. He then removed her red tie, and unbuttoned her plain-white shirt. The preteen vixen was both amused and stimulated as the gentle hands of her partner probed her flat chest and her tiny nipples. Her groin was then freed from her bothersome black skirt and frilly, pink, all-out feminine panties, and her entrance automatically spread as the cervine's meat was aimed directly at her... Entrance. Robyn then gave a gasp of intimidation mixed with pleasure as the staff stretched out her hallway. The tween had nothing else to do but continue her session. Nothing to say, with the exception of her self-activating youthful moans. No-one to be with, except for her twenty-years-older breeding companion, and, likely one of the other hunks in the vicinity, granted they finish impregnating the others. Nowhere to go but up and down on the long, thick, organic amusement-park ride, which continued to pierce her juvenile reproductive system, and propel her into early puberty/adulthood.
And she wouldn't have it any other way.
And neither would any (scratch that) MOST of the other cubs as their virginity was repeatedly taken by their guardians. Riding the plump meat propelled each of the girls into a familiar situation. Edna could only recall the time she sneaked into her older brother's room and paid the price dearly. Ellen's partner reminded her of the breeding party her father would host annually that she walked in on at one point. "Da... DA! Punish me, Papa! I really shouldn't have interrupted meeting!" Miaska announced as she bounced onto Donner's cock. Meanwhile, Kennedy was brought back to the time she was lured into an alley with a piece of string. A tranquiline-laced piece of string. Grace saw her father and his friends gazing in admiration at her nude self, which she attempted to block in embarrassment, Lana could only hear the continuous laughter at her bottom from a bunch of preteen males, and Dixie recollected accidentally landing on a bedpost while performing jumping jacks in the nude on her mattress. Soon, the bucktoothed, slightly-chubby foal was accompanied by Barry the bull, who pinched the edge of the banana she held, and shot the interior into her uterus, before probing his own tool against the moist lips.
THIRTY MINUTES LATER...
"You sure you want these things?" Questioned Vincent as he held a jar of the most oily pickles before a round-bellied Ellen. "I want my kids to be healthy, right? Wait, ARE pickles healthy? I mean, they're veggies, but they're always fried or left in a jar for, like, ten minutes, which complicates everything... Never mind, just gimme those carrots! It's my literary-assigned food!" "OH! I think my kid's ready...!" Dixie announced, her face immersed in sweat, and her stomach greatly enlarged. "NGH...! DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, AUDIENCE! IT'S LIKELY MORE PAINFUL THAN IT LOOKS! UNNGGHHH....!!!!" Everyone stood back as the donkey grunted and spread her legs to release...
BRAP!
Both the adults and the cubs gave a look of annoyance at Dixie, who gave a cowardly smile. "Wow, Tohn-Oo-Fil... This is low, even for YOU..." Declared Robyn as she waved her hand to avert the odor.
You know what? Screw it.
The writer then snapped his fingers, and the preteens were all immediately restored to their skinny forms, with newborn kits in their arms, sucking at what little milk they carried. Robyn looked down at her kit with antlers and hooves, lapping at her nipples, then beginning to whimper at the lack of dairy. Right then and there, a bottle of milk was sketched in her hand, which the vixen then applied to her cub's mouth. Dixie, on the contrary, began lactating at the sight of her floppy-eared calf. "What a strong son I have... Since he was born on Christmas Day, he shall be named 'Moses'! And one day, he shall grow up to be a respected leader, who will travel with our people out of the prejudiced lands of... Anywhere that's anti-furry, and into the land of Fanta and Butter!"
"OMG! Lookit his ears and tail! Who's gonna be the next effortless star of BoobTube by 2018?" Ellen playfully assured her bunny. "Vone day, you vill become heroic associate, and be shocked at dramatic reveal of mother..." Miaska whispered into the ear of her puppy, only to pull back as his/her antler poked her nose. Kennedy, Grace, and Lana gazed at their marketable new hybrid cubs, then at the camera with a deadpan look on their faces. "We may put up with our attractions, but real-life child molestation, especially that without protection, is no laughing matter, or sexually-pleasing matter, or any matter of the positive kind." "If there's anyone out there reading, who has taken inspiration, or is considering taking inspiration from our wacky, sexual, obviously-non-realistic misadventures, to perform anything related to what is a monthly trip to the Bowling Alley for us, all we can say is: You are a bad person." "You don't deserve the accessibility to these things if you take them as life-lessons. You don't be on the Internet. You don't even deserve to be in your local neighborhood. All you're good for is the slammer. Or, better yet, the chair." The trio each solemnly declared, as a brooding melody played in the background and the following text appeared in red:
DON'T GO FOR JAIL-BAIT, OR YOU'LL END UP IN THE TRAP
"So this is what being a Tohn-Oo-Fill... Ian is like? Sexy and steaming, yet somehow light-hearted, touching, and charming?" "........ Yeah, I guess so." Replied Vincent. "Well, that was... Fun. If this is what practicing an organized religion is, then sign me up for Sunday School!" Robyn announced agreeably.
ONE WEEK LATER...
"So, remember kids: If you wanna go to Heaven, all you gotta do is favor God, and God alone! No TV, literature, video games, sports, movies, music, architecture, medical studies, military training, or anything else artificial! Just sit in your local church for the rest of your life, pray to God, and all your dreams will come true!" Announced the optimistic tutor in the colorful classroom. "........ Screw this, I'm outta here." Was all the redhead vixen cub could utter, before exiting the area.
THE END.