Species Dysphoria

Story by ben243 on SoFurry

, , , ,

A man feels uncomfortable in his life as a human and thinks he should have been something else


Ever since I was a boy, I had always felt that I should have been born a dog. I never felt like being human was right.

Whenever I got the opportunity to be alone for a while, I would strip off my clothes and wonder around the house on all fours like a dog. If it were warm enough, I would go outside and enjoy the feeling of the sun on my skin. I would spend hours running around and playing like a dog, and even barking at squirrels.

I was almost caught on more than one occasion, and the thought of being seen made me even more excited and brave. I was almost sure my mother knew what I was doing, but she never said anything. My father always seemed kind of oblivious to what was going on around him, and generally ignored us.

One time, I had managed to save up a little money. I managed to slip away from my mom on a shopping trip to the mall, and made my way to the pet store and bought myself a collar and some dog toys. I managed to get them home without anyone noticing, and hid them under my bed. Wearing the collar and playing with the toys out in the yard made me feel even more like a real dog.

I tried to get some of my friends to play dog with me, but they never found the appeal. I was only able to do it once or twice, and it was never as fun as when I could get naked and really let myself go, so I stopped trying to convince them.

As I got older, I tried to push the fantasy out of my mind with limited success. School took up more and more of my time, and the thought just started to seem more and more silly to my maturing mind. I started to become interested in other things, including this one really cute guy in my class named Kevin.

If you think I was afraid to tell my parents that I wanted to be a dog, you can be sure that I wasn't going to tell them I was gay. I'm not sure what their reaction would have been, but I don't think they would have been pleased. I know my mother would have eventually learned to accept it, but I don't know about my father. I was never worried about being disowned or kicked out of the house, but I knew from experience that he expected certain things from us, and could be very cold when we disappointed him.

It took me a long time to work up the courage to talk to Kevin, but once I did, we hit it off immediately. We quickly became close friends, and it wasn't long after that we found a mutual attraction. We were inseparable all through high school, and were even planning to attend college together.

As Kevin's parents were much more accepting, we spent most of our time at his house the summer after high school. We experimented in just about every way possible, and spent most of our time together mostly undressed in his bed. We got bolder and bolder as the summer went on. His parents walked in on us a few times but never said anything.

Kevin had a way of reading me and making me feel like I could tell him anything. He would often say he could tell something was bothering me, and ask me what it was, but I always dodged the question. Eventually I mustered the courage and confessed that I had always felt like I should have been a dog rather than human. He smiled and told me that he had always known. His smile made me feel as though a weight had been lifted from my chest.

When I got home, I closed the door to my room and pulled the collar out from under the bed. I tried it on, and I was amazed the collar still fit me. It was a little tight on its largest setting, but it would still work. The toys were still in good shape, as my teeth were nothing compared to the dogs teeth they were designed for.

The next time I went to Kevin's house, I made sure to pack them in my bag. I couldn't wait to show him. Somehow deep inside I knew that he would accept that side of me, and help me make understand it.

When I got to Kevin's house, we spent most of the morning playing video games. It wasn't until after lunch that I was brave enough to show him the collar. I know it sounds stupid, but it felt different. Almost warm and buzzing as I showed it to him.

Kevin took the collar and fastened it around my neck. I felt a surge of pleasure as he did this. We played around in his room for a few minuets, doing basic tricks like sit, and roll over. I walked over to the bag, and pulled one of the toys from it. Kevin took it, and asked if I wanted to play. I jumped up and down, and we went outside. He threw the toy to me, and I chased it.

It wasn't long before I noticed my clothes starting to get messy and grass stained, so without thinking I took them off. Once I was nude, I got back on all fours, and chased the toy around the yard like crazy. I didn't have a care in the world and it felt like the most natural thing to me. I was having so much fun I hardly noticed the hours passing.

I was disappointed when Kevin told me I finally had to come inside and get cleaned up. I took a quick shower, and cleaned up my clothes as much as possible. I hated getting dressed, but knew that I had to return home. I hoped that we could play again tomorrow.

Kevin invited me over the next day, and met me in the front yard. He had a bag with him, and asked me to follow him into the back. I was curious so I quickly followed. Once we were in the back, he showed me the contents of the bag- a new collar with a nametag engraved with my name and listing him as my owner, and a matching leash.

Without having to be asked, I quickly stripped out of my clothes and got down on all fours. Kevin reached down and fastened the collar and leash to my neck, and I felt the same wave of pleasure go through my body. As Kevin led me around the yard, I knew this was where I belonged. It felt more right to me than anything else. I couldn't believe that I had suppressed these urges for so long.

We spent the whole day as man and pet. I found Kevin had also purchased a bowl and a small bag of dog food. I tried the food, but couldn't take much of it. Kevin refilled the bowl with some cans of stew. It was at least palatable, but I wish he had heated it up.

I was tired out after the afternoon of play. As I was resting on the floor of Kevin's bedroom, I found myself starting to pant. Kevin smiled down on me, and told me he had a surprise. He had seen how much I liked being a dog, and had found a secluded campsite where we could spend a long weekend and not have to worry about being interrupted.

My head was spinning. I was loving being his pet, and now I could spend a whole three days with him as his dog. I wouldn't have to wear clothes, or do any human things. If I had a tail, it would have been wagging a mile a minuet.

I enjoyed going to Kevin's house and playing his dog over the next few days, and even started letting myself go and allowing myself to act more and more dog like, But I couldn't wait for our weekend camping trip.

When the day finally arrived, It felt weird and good to pack light. I would only need the clothes on my back, and some basic hygiene items. I also packed a few snack items I had picked up. For both human and dog. After helping Kevin load the tent and food and a few other items into the car, we headed out.

It didn't take long to get to the campsite, and we quickly got the tent set up. After putting his backpack in the tent, Kevin turned to me with the collar in hand. I glanced around quickly to make sure we were alone, and stripped off my clothes. Kevin fastened the collar around my neck and I fell to all fours. The grass felt great on my hands and knees, and the sun was pleasant on my skin.

We spent the morning hiking through the woods. I had a little trouble keeping up with Kevin, as I wasn't used to this much walking on all fours, but he apologized and slowed his pace so I could keep up. The feeling was amazing. I loved all the sights and smells of the woods, and being closer to the ground gave me a new perspective.

Kevin grilled burgers for lunch and I ate out of my bowl. It was a little messy, but I quickly got the hang of it. I scarfed down my meal in record time. Kevin was eating a little slower, so I sat down on the grass next to him, and begged for scraps. He smiled and laughed at me. Shaking his head, he threw some of his burger to me, and I caught some out of the air, but most pieces landed on the ground. I lapped them up without a second thought.

The afternoon we spent swimming in the stream. I slipped so completely into the dogs mindset that I didn't even notice or think about what I was doing until Kevin led me back to the campsite for dinner. We had chicken stir-fry for dinner, and Kevin gave me some of the dog treats I brought for dessert. We lounged under the stars for a while and just enjoyed the feeling of freedom and openness.

When it was time for bed, Kevin took off his clothes, and crawled into his sleeping bag. I found an inflatable dog bed set up for me. I was happy but exhausted, so I crawled in and was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I had the best dreams of myself as a dog playing with Kevin, knowing I would never have to pretend to be human again.

The rest of the trip was better than I could have imagined. I was a complete dog until we returned home. I could only remember little snippets of what happened, but even without Kevin's reassurances I knew that I had had a wonderful time.

It was hard to return to normal human life, and even though Kevin and I played dog on many other occasions, none of them had quite the same feel as that weekend. I wanted more than anything to experience that feeling again. It became harder and harder for me to be satisfied with my human life when I knew what I was supposed to be.

When the first semester of college came around, I was more or less resigned to having to spend the rest of my life as a man. I attended classes, and studied. I got fairly good grades, but I felt like I was just going through the motions and living a lie.

During Christmas break with my family, I became obsessed with searching for ways to live the life I was supposed to have. All I could find was sites of people who wanted to play as dogs, and while tempting, I knew they would never satisfy the urges and desires I felt inside me. I found myself blocking out the outside world, and even going so far as ignoring Kevin and my family.

After my mother became so worried about me that she shut off the internet, I realized that I had a problem. I made a conscious effort to spent time with my loved ones. I knew I had to at least appear normal and appease them if I was going to be able to find what I wanted without their interference or ending up at a therapist.

Once school started up again, I spent so much time searching for a way to address my problems my grades began to suffer. I stopped going to class all together, and only came out of my room to eat and use the bathroom. Unsurprisingly I failed all my classes and dropped out of school.

Kevin had moved into an apartment near the school to attend classes, and invited me to move in with him. Since I wasn't attending classes, I picked up most of the chores like cooking and cleaning, at least as much as I could while still searching for a way to become a dog.

After the first few days I stopped bother to get dressed, and spent all my time naked. It was a small thing, but I made a world of difference in my mood and outlook. It made me feel one step closer to my goal, and Kevin didn't mind the view at all.

Spending so much time obsessing this way was having a negative effect on my health, both physical and mental, so Kevin made sure I took brakes and spent time as his dog. It made both of us feel better and I know it kept me from loosing what little sanity I had left at that point. I had forgone all contact with my parents, and hadn't talked to them in months. To be fair, they hadn't tried to contact me either.

I was about to give up all hope, when I clicked on a link and saw an ad. It promised it could make my dreams come true. It offered a new procedure that could change a human into any animal form you wanted. It offered partial and complete transformations. Even saying it could give you the mind and instincts of the animal.

I thought I was hallucinating. No way could this be real. I figured I had finally gone over the edge and was seeing what I wanted to see. Fortunately Kevin returned from class a few minuets later, and I showed him what was on the screen. Along with the company info, there were reviews and testimonials, as well as links to the bbb and yelp.

I paced around behind him as he carefully read through the information on the screen. After what seemed like an eternity, Kevin looked over at me and said amazingly enough, it looked legit to him. He wanted to know how I found it. I didn't know what to tell him. I just sort of lucked onto it. I wasn't sure how I had gotten there myself. I made sure to bookmark the page so we wouldn't loose it.

After a few quick calls, we had an appointment for the morning for a consultation. Once we hung up, my mind started to feel clearer than it had in a long time. I was almost myself again. I had trouble sleeping that night as the anticipation was almost too much to bear. It was early morning before I finally drifted off to sleep from sheer exhaustion.

When Kevin woke me the next morning, I was eager to get to the appointment. I started to walk out the door. I had turned the knob and almost had the door open when I heard Kevin laughing. I looked over to see what was so funny. He pointed at me, and I realized I was still completely naked. I had been this way so long it felt normal. I ran back to my room and threw on some clothes. They felt very uncomfortable, but I knew I had to wear them to the meeting.

Kevin drove, and I sat next to him, fidgeting all the time. When we finally pulled up to the address, I saw that it was a large modern looking medical complex. It looked very high tech. It looked new, but for some reason I remember it always being there. We found a parking space and made our way inside.

The waiting room was huge and impressive. It had pods with the most comfortable looking chairs I had seen anywhere, and TV's all over the walls that could be used to show promotional videos or just watch TV while you waited. We checked in, and the receptionist assigned us to one of the pods. Once we were seated the TV came alive with a video giving an overview of the company and what they offered. It focused specifically on their line of dog oriented procedures.

I was so absorbed in the presentation I barely noticed when it was over and a man in a lab coat came in to talk to us. He introduced himself as chief of the dog division and asked us what brought us here. I described my feelings and how I always knew that I was supposed to be a dog and how I never felt right as a human. I described how I felt when I was being Kevin's dog and how natural and right it felt. He listened, nodding his head every few minuets while making careful notes.

After what seemed like hours pouring my heart out to him, he said I was a perfect candidate for the procedure. He said he could make me into a dog that would be indistinguishable from a natural born one without some very detailed tests. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I quickly agreed. The only thing left to do was to decide how much of my human self I wanted. Did I want to have a human or dogs mind.

The thought of being completely dog was appealing to me, but Kevin put his hand on my arm, and told me how much he loved me, and felt that that would be too much like loosing me to him. The human I was would essentially no longer exist.

I realized I couldn't do that to him. We decided that the best course of action would be to have a balance between human and dog so that I could switch between the two as circumstances dictated. That way I could still maintain my relationship with Kevin, which I had to admit really appealed to me, and still enjoy the freedom of being a dog.

We went over other details, like loyalty and obedience levels, breed, payment and such. By the time we were done, it seemed like we had filled out reams of paperwork and spent hours.

The Doctor suggested we eat dinner at their facility before continuing. We were led into a room and served some delicious steaks. My food was served in a bowl, and I put it down on the floor and ate it on all fours. Little did I know that this was a test and we were being watched. Clearly we passed, because after dinner Kevin was allowed to leave and I was to be taken to a room to be prepared for the surgery.

Kevin kissed me good night, and headed off home. I was led to my room, which was nicely furnished with a comfortable looking dog bed, food and water bowls, and a simulated outdoor area for my other needs.

The staff helped me out of my clothes and took me to an adjoining room where they weighed me, and took samples of just about everything you can imagine. I was also subjected to some personality tests to makes sure this was really what I wanted as it was irreversible.

I guessed everything went well as I was led back to my room, and told that surgery had been scheduled for the morning. It would take about 3 days to complete everything, and a week to heal. I was so excited that I would finally get my dream, that I didn't think I would ever get to sleep, but I was more tired that I though and was asleep as soon as I stopped moving.

Morning came quickly, and I was transferred to a gurney to travel to the operating room. Once there, the doctor I had met the day before greeted me. He asked me a few questions to be sure this was what I really wanted, and assess my mental state. I answered him honestly, and he seemed satisfied with what I said. I was soon on the operating table. A few minuets later the sedation was started, and I drifted off to sleep. The next thing I knew, I was in a cage in my room. I couldn't see much, but I could make out what looked like a muzzle in front of my face. I had bandages and tubes sticking out all over me, and I couldn't move much. They must have been observing me because a nurse came into the room a few minuets later.

She opened the cage, and took my vitals. She told me not to try to talk, as that wouldn't be possible with my new mouth. She checked a few more things and seemed satisfied with the way things were proceeding. I gave her a plaintive lick on the hand, and she smiled at me.

She told me that I had been under sedation for a few days now to heal, and it was time to get used to my new form. She pulled a mirror over to me, and I got my first look at my new body. I could hardly believe my eyes. I saw a yellow lab. Nothing human remained, except maybe a little sparkle in the eyes. My tail started wagging on its own. As my mind cleared, I could feel the dog's instincts. My human mind was still there, but it was clearly the dog that was in control.

The nurse helped me out of the cage, and I was weak and shaky on my legs. Over the course of the day, I grew stronger and was able to stand longer and longer. When I finally tried walking, it only took me a few tries to get the hang of it as I let go and let the dog control things.

Over the next few weeks as I healed, I was allowed to wander the complex, including some areas set up to mimic the outside. I quickly got used to my new canine body and was amazed at how good the procedure was. I could hear even the faintest sounds, and the smells were amazing.

After meeting with the doctor one morning, I was told that it was time for me to go home. I was excited with the prospect of seeing Kevin again and couldn't wait. When he walked in, I jumped up on him and practically knocked him over. I licked him in the face, and he laughed. After signing a few final discharge papers, and getting some precautionary medicines, Kevin clipped the leash to my collar and led me out of the hospital.

It felt great walking along beside Kevin, with my new legs I was able to keep up with him easily. I took in every site, sound, and smell as we walked to the car. I hopped into the car, and was virtually intoxicated by Kevin's smell in the enclosed space. I loved it more than anything I had ever smelled in my life.

Over the next few weeks Kevin and I found a routine that worked, with him walking me in the morning, around lunch, and after dinner. I found that one effect of the surgery was that dog food was much more tasty to me now, and I ate that almost exclusively, with occasional table scraps. I was also fully housebroken.

I had thought that communication would be more difficult, but we worked out a basic yes and no system, and we seemed to be in tune with most other issues. Kevin made up a set of cards I could use to for most of our standard conversational needs, and I had some scrabble tiles that I could use to spell out words. While most speech was impossible for me, I could make a passible attempt at them. We got along pretty well with it.

One Saturday, Kevin came in and told me we had an appointment. I looked at him quizzically. He told me not to worry and I would enjoy it. I wasn't sure I believed that, but I followed him anyway.

After a short car ride, I found myself at the local vet. I gave Kevin my most angry look and gave him a playful growl. He laughed and told me it was just for a check up and shots so we could make everything legal. I knew he was right, but I wasn't happy.

The vet poked and prodded me for a while, and jabbed me more times than I am sure was strictly necessary. Still, when it was all over I had all the shots I needed, and had been micro chipped. Kevin checked us out and attached several new tags to my collar. At least now I wouldn't have to worry about being taken to the pound.

As a treat Kevin took me out for some ice cream. As we ate outside, we watched people come and go. I also got to meet some of the neighborhood dogs. Kevin told me there was a dog park around the corner, and we spent the afternoon there.

I had more fun than I could remember playing with Kevin and the neighborhood dogs. I finally felt like things were right with the world and things were finally the way they were supposed to be. My relationship with Kevin reached a whole new level, and we bonded in ways humans never could.

I never had any regrets about the choices I had made, and knew Kevin felt the same way. We love our life together and are looking forward to growing old together.