The Sad But True Ch.5 (Your Place)
Its so easy to forget your place. And in many ways that's alright, but when your trying to change it can make things complicated. When you forget your place its easy to make yourself believe that you've somehow moved. When you start alone in a dark room its easy to believe that you've changed when you find yourself in a room full of people. But are those people there for you, would they be there for you? Or are you in a room full of people that are only there for someone else and really don't see you. That room becomes bark all over again, not on the outside but on the in.
We tried hard to get the money to save Daren's library, but with his medical bills we knew we were out of luck. I saw Daren cry one day. I came by to see how he was doing and he was behind the building balling his out out. He stopped himself the moment he saw me but his eyes were still red and his furr was still wet. I didn't ask why he was crying because I could think of a few reasons why. Instead I tried to help by discussing the only thing I knew I could talk about that didn't involve Daren's problem with his father. I talked to him about work. I talked to him about Trevor.
Daren- I forgot you guys work together
Frank- If I could work anywhere else for as much as pay I'd switch jobs in a heart beat
Daren- you guys are still on the rocks
Frank- he's a different person, I stopped smoking weed and tried finding friends and it seems like he's obsessed with getting me back in his shadow now
Daren- so you feel like your out of his shadow now
I felt a slight rise in Daren's mood , he loves helping people, or maybe he just like helping me. Ether was as embarrassing as talking about me and Trevor might have been we continued.
Frank- I guess so , yea , almost
Daren- what is it Frank , your not telling me something
Frank- lately Trevor has been showing up
Daren- showing up ?
Frank- out of nowhere, like he just always knows where I am , it started that day you me Trip and Teresa were out
Daren- yea I remember it felt like he was watching us or something
Frank- he was watching me , and I thought I got him to leave me alone and stop trying to ruin things for me with your friends
Daren- they're your friends too Frank
Frank- I know , but my point is that I said I would owe him if he stopped trying to ruin things for me , and lately it feels like he wants to collect
Daren- well first of all you shouldn't have to owe someone just to make them leave you alone , and second what exactly does he want from you
I paused and though I said nothing the silence and the well known history spoke volumes.
Daren- he cant make you do stuff like that
Frank- I know
Daren- and so what if he shows up from time to time , or talks to your friends, whats the worst he could say about you , how much damage could one guy be to your social life
Frank- that's just it , I don't know how far he'll go or what he'll say , but he knows me well enough that he could do damage, and I've done things , I've done things for him that he could easily tell people about
Daren- I think you might have over exaggerating things just a little, he's an adult, i doubt he spends his time thinking about telling people you've sucked him off a few times
Frank- you don't know Trevor, he's like a kid
Daren- maybe he is ,but its not like anyone will care if he says anything, everyone has sucked dick before, and everyone fucks everyone eventually
The moment those last four words left his mouth he you could see him trying to take them back and reword them.
Frank- everyone fucks everyone eventually
Daren- don't get any ideas Frank I told you were just friends
Frank- but we don't have to just be
Daren- Frank , stop , just stop , I've been poisoned, I'm in a war against my father who because I'm related to most of the town now hates me , and in about a week I'm going to be homeless, normally I'd entertain your idea of us trying to go further than just friends but right now I have too much going on to worry about seeing anyone
He finally moved from behind the dumpster we were using as cover. I tried to follow him but he made it clear he needed to be alone. At least he wasn't crying, on the outside anyway.
Another week had past and just as we all saw coming, Daren was evicted. For a while I didn't see much of him, in fact I didn't see much of anyone.
Trip and Teresa were as hard to find as Daren had become. I realized that nothing really had changed, I was still just as alone as ever. I thought by moving from under one person I would find more , but it doesn't help when all i did was move under another person in the end.
I find myself feeling like a child mad at myself for not having any of my own friends. But just because a child might face similar problems doesn't mean they aren't heavy in an adult. And perhaps I count my suns short, I might only have Daren to call a true friend but that's one more than what I started with. And Trip and Teresa may be Daren's loyal two but who's to say that in time they wont be mine too.
Something strange happened , and I could feel it in my conflicting voices that a third reality had risen. I stopped caring about my own situation, I forgot my own story and found myself becoming a side element to Daren's theme. And I didn't mind. The voices in my head that for a long time were only concerned with finding others to be with had gone silent. All my thoughts and conflicting perspectives on truly making progress meant nothing. Of course at the time I didn't realize this truth.
I was on the hunt for Daren, I was unsure if i wanted to find him for myself or because I wanted to help.
It took a lot of word of mouth tracking to find Daren. I used my knowledge of him obviously still being a weed dealer for money to help me find him. Its interesting how loyal smokers are to their dealers , I went through a lot of people to find Daren.
I heard from a bartender at this bar that Daren and I went to that there was this Wolf named Zeek that knew how to find him. The bartender gave me an address and I didn't waist much time finding it.
It was a run down parking lot on the less than pleasant part of town. I didn't understand , I thought maybe I just put the wrong address in my GPS. I started to walk back to my car but before I could open the door I heard it. That voice had so much rasp it struck me dead in my tracks.
Zeek- leaving so soon pup
I felt him walk up behind me and press his body against me leaving almost no space between us. He breathed down my back and my furr stood up.
Zeek- what brings such a soft pelt to a place like this
I started to turn around slowly which was awkward and hard with him standing so close.
Frank- I'm looking for a guy named Zeek, he's a wolf
I spoke softly and the fear in my voice was apparent with its every crack. I knew he was most likely Zeek , he was a wolf and he was at the address I was given after all.
Zeek- and what do you need with this Zeek guy anyway pup
Frank- I was hoping that you um he or someone could help me find my friend Daren
He put his four head to mine and spoke to where his breath went straight in my face .
Zeek- Well if I knew any Zeek maybe I'd point you in his direction or maybe I'd even tell you where this "Daren" guy is but you aren't giving me much reason to pup, in fact I don't really like strays around, are you a stray
Frank- no sir , I'm not a stray
Zeek- if your not a stray you must be a friend, are you telling me your a friend, you come to my place looking for people wanting answers from me wanting me to be friendly
He poked me in my chest and opened his hand to grip me by my shirt.
Zeek- but you don't seem very friendly, you aint done nothing for me to show me that your a friend so how can I believe you
Frank- I..I ....
I couldn't process what was happening quickly enough.
Zeek- I know how you can show me your a friend
He hung on to my shirt as he started to walk into the parking lot dragging me along even as i struggled. He seemed to laugh at my every attempt to break free. We got to the center of the lot and there were stairs leading down. He tightened his grip as we went down into the dark stairwell. There was a door at the bottom and we stopped.
Frank- why are we stopping , are you going to let me go
I could feel his claws going through my shirt into my chest as he held me there and with one final glance and laugh he gave me something to take forward.
Zeek- your gonna prove your a friend or ill show you what happens to strays pup
He lifted me off the ground as he swung the door open and then tossed me in.