Death Metal Firing Squad: Speak when spoken to
The car door slammed making Clarissa jump a little, her father looked down at her disapprovingly as he pulled her suitcase out of the trunk of the car. "You're lucky your Aunt and Uncle agreed to put up with you until this all smooths over." His eyes didn't meet hers as he crouched down to pick up the luggage.
"Yes Papa." Clarissa held the hem of her skirt looking at the ground awash in embarrassment the small white mouse female dressed in her Sunday best to meet her Aunt and Uncle for the first time in nearly ten years. She hadn't seen them since they moved to the city away from the suburbs near her family but for the foreseeable future she would be staying with them. Her eyes turned to her father while he unloaded the trunk and she mumbled quietly to herself. "I'm sorry Papa." He paused for a second and muttered something under his breath before pulling her final suitcase out of the trunk. Walking with the young girl up to the front door the older mouse male knocked three times.
On the third knock the door opened but it wasn't his brother but his nephew who answered. "Uncle Tom?" The young squirrel male inquired and Tom looked at him curiously.
"Joseph is that you, I can hardly recognize you." The conversation that should have been loud and emotional was subdued and quiet. Everything with Thomas Reid was quiet just like Clarissa Reid who quietly sat watching. She waved silently to her cousin remembering now after such a long time that Uncle Nathan fell in love with a lovely chartreuse squirrel that he met on the road while touring the country with his band and together they produced two children Joseph the eldest who was a slightly rust red mouse and Amelia the younger sibling who was a pink squirrel, Clarissa fell between the two by about three years.
"Yeah Uncle Tom I've grown a lot in a decade." Joseph smiled and Thomas nodded in response. Peeking behind Thomas towards his daughter Joseph smirked seeing little Clarissa all grown up a sixteen year old woman when all his memories had her as a little prim and prissy six year old girl. He had heard from his dad about the trouble she had gotten into and to say that it shocked them was an understatement. Little subdued miss perfect had gotten into bed with a randy boy and ended up pregnant. It was the scandal of the Reid family but there was no nephew or niece for Joseph to greet because of the forced abortion which left Joseph conflicted but ultimately it wasn't his business.
"Is your father in I want to speak to him." Thomas requested formally and Joseph looked at his Uncle.
"No dad's off on a sequestering looking for his muse don't worry though he should be back in a few days you know Dad." Joseph joked and held out his hand for the luggage.
"He's not here I'll come back later then come on Clarissa." Thomas turned to get back into his car but Joseph struck out grabbing his hand.
"Uncle Tom please I'm nineteen I can keep an eye on Clarissa and make sure she doesn't get into any mischief if you leave and Dad comes back you know he's going to break down your door ranting and cursing about how you don't trust us and your... elitism." Joseph chose his final word carefully a look of contempt forming in Thomas's eyes as he broke the grip.
"I suppose you're right." Thomas conceded and handed the suitcase to Joseph glaring at him.
"I'll be sure to send you pictures and phone calls as updates, what's your number again Uncle Tom?" Joseph smirked and Thomas sneered walking away leaving Clarissa standing on the sidewalk slamming the door to his car.
"Bye Papa, I.. I love you." Clarissa fumbled and managed to get the words out but it was too late the car was already gone. "I'm really sorry..." She apologized again nearly crying but there was no time for that as a thunderous clunk broke her concentration and Joseph jumped down the stairs onto the sidewalk wrapping his arms around Clarissa leaning down to do so almost a foot taller than the tiny girl. "Joseph!?" Clarissa jumped but her cousin just laughed.
"Oh my god Claire you poor girl you've been through so much and that douche bag wouldn't even look at you, fuck him, you're safe with me now." Joseph broke the embrace smiling from ear to ear while Clarissa was blushing after hearing Joseph break his formal speech and devolve into crude and crass terminology. "Oh right I forgot you aren't use to cursing that's going to be an adjustment for you." Joseph reached up and loosened his collar throwing off the tie he was wearing letting it fall to the ground. "Hate those fucking things so Claire do you want to fill me in on what exactly happened?" Joseph took a seat on the stairs leading up to the house. This deep into the city their house was an apartment building that Claire's uncle had purchased and rented out to retain income, Joseph was the landlord in charge of the place but the title was under Uncle Nathan's name.
"Exactly what happened I slept with a boy and got pregnant then I had to..." Clarissa paused her hands trembling and her lip quivering.
"Hey hey hey don't force it I understand how you feel, well fuck I don't really, but I can empathize what you had to experience couldn't have been easy I won't make you relive it but thanks for confirming what I thought." Joseph frowned and clapped his knee standing up.
"You think I'm a trashy whore too?" Clarissa asked sadly and Joseph burst into offensive laughter.
"No Claire I think you're just a normal person, we all make mistakes, Ma didn't plan on having either me or sis but we made it work I'm just kind of sad you didn't get the chance to see if you would have been a good mom yourself." The laughter from Joseph stopped. The two cousins stared at each other Joseph with pity and Clarissa with confusion and suspicion. "You should come in as sure as I am that you want to stand outside all day we should put your things away and I've got practice... OH you can sit in just don't make a lot of noise okay?" Joseph grabbed the suitcase and retreated into the apartment complex with Clarissa in tow. They walked down a hallway of doors to the end opening another door that revealed a staircase leading down. Clarissa tentatively followed her cousin down the creaky wooden stairs minding not to touch the bare concrete walls. Once at the bottom she saw her other cousin Amelia sitting behind a drum set twirling the sticks. "Amy stop touching yourself for ten seconds!" Joseph called out and Clarissa just stared at him shocked.
"Go fuck yourself you faggot!" Amy retorted flipping him off her bushy pink tail twitching as she spoke. "I've been sitting here with my thumb up my ass because you took forever to answer the fucking door!" The foul mouthed pink haired girl tilted to see around Joseph who was obstructing her view of the guest. When she saw who it was she leaped over the drums nearly knocking them over and barreled into Clarissa knocking her back onto the stairs. "CLAIR CLAIR!" Amelia cried out rubbing her cheek to her cousin's dazed and confused face. "Ah oh my god Clair I didn't know you were coming I thought you were gonna get shipped off to a convent or some fucked up shit!" The thirteen year old girl was about as tall as Claire but her vocabulary and mannerisms made her seem more mature.
"Enough Amy." Joseph pulled his sister off of Clarissa giving her space to breath. "Have you been practicing?" He asked and Amy pouted dangling from her collar by her brother's grip.
"Lemme go Joey I wanna hug Clair more!" The teenage girl puffed her cheeks and crossed her arms making her brother sigh, with a toss he threw her onto an old couch the girl landing on her backside with a soft thump. "FIIIIINE!" She decried exasperatedly and resumed her position behind the drums. "Yeah I got the section down but it doesn't matter shit because we don't have a singer!" Amy was loud and exuberant almost pushing you back with her voice while Joseph was sharp and concise revealing a hidden intelligence. Both of these people were so complex compared to the simplistic and soft spoken Clarissa who was a vehicle for her parents ambitions up until she defied their expectations once.
There wasn't much time for Clarissa to dwell on her failures as more people came down the stairs shouting and hollering causing her to shrink back and assume a position of spectating on the couch trying to hide herself. First was a boisterous golden Labrador boy who looked to be about the same age as Joseph. He was wearing a hoodie that covered all but his nose and his tail stuck out from dark black jeans. "WHAT UP BITCHES!?" He came down the stairs proclaiming and Joseph flipped him off. "Ah fuck you whoa who's that?" The boy turned to see Clarissa and she curled up hugging her knees. "Damn that's some fine honey you have Joe you smashin that?" The lab's way of speaking was almost like a different language to what Clarissa understood as English.
"No dude that's my baby cousin touch her and I'll cut your nuts off, her name is Claire." Joseph was busy adorning a guitar passed down from his father worth more than this entire building to the right collector.
"Shit dog, why you gotta go like that, I thought we were brothers!?" The boy exclaimed and Joseph ignored him. "Well ya said I can't touch her ain't no thing if she decides to touch me right?" The lab walked over and extended his paw. "Name's Ruff don't think too much about it." Ruff introduced himself making Amy snicker.
"Don't you mean Rufus?" She poked her head out from behind her drums and Rufus snarled.
"THE NAME IS RUFF fucking skinny ass thot." Ruff adamantly stated and Clarissa nodded intimidated by his growl.
"Clarissa Reid." Clarissa daintily held her hand out and Ruff whistled
"Oh jeez you some kinda upper crust honey I can get with that, you probably got some deep money, that old money." Ruff speculated and Clarissa turned her head confused.
"I don't know how old my money is but I don't have much maybe about two hundred dollars for necessities." Clarissa explained and Ruff began to laugh.
"Naw I mean you got daddy's credit card right?" Ruff asked and jerked forward when something struck him in the back of the head. Yelping Ruff turned to see Joseph giving him a death stare telling him to drop the subject. "Awright, jesus didn't need to get violent dawg... anyway nice to meet you C-dawg." Ruff smirked and Clarissa nodded accepting her abbreviated name.
"Don't let him get a sniff of you or he'll be humping your leg." Next down the stairs was a female feline with bright orange fur and black stripes wearing a plain shirt and plain pair of pants. She looked at Ruff with animosity between them but Ruff just laughed.
"Ain't like anyone wanna rut your filthy hoe ass." Ruff dismissed before picking up a base. The tabby girl hissed until Amy wrapped her arms around her and kissed her lips causing her hiss to muffle until it was snuffed out.
"Shut up baby he's a loser, I would throw you down on that couch and fist you until you screamed if my cousin wasn't on it." Amy cooed and the girl purred at the affection. "Oh yeah Sera this is my older cousin Clarissa she's from the suburbs and she's visiting!" Off Amy went with a self introduction bringing Sera over to the couch. "Play nice with her, maybe she'd be into making that little wish come true?" Amy giggled and Sera narrowed her eyes looking at the timid field mouse before her.
"Nice to meet you Clarissa I'm Seraphim or Sera for short my parents are religious nuts so that's why you don't need to ever ask again okay?" Sera jumped ahead of the question Clarissa wasn't about to ask and instead opted for a more potent question.
"What was the wish?" Clarissa asked and Sera turned a bit red.
"Sera's always wanted to have a lesbian threesome with two strap ons getting spit roasted!" Amy blurted out and even Ruff's tail began wagging.
"AMY!" Sera shouted and Amy laughed inappropriately distracting from Clarissa and Seras flustered faces.
"Okay guys enough fucking around we have to practice before our gig so shut up sit down and I only want to hear music for the next five hours." Joseph broke up the party and all the members assumed their positions Sera taking her spot behind a sound board, not in the band but their technician. "Hey Clarissa you were in choir for like ever do you think you could sing a bit?" Joseph asked while tuning his guitar.
"Wait your cousin's a vocalist?" Ruff asked and Joseph nodded.
"I don't want to... I don't think I can sing in a band." Clarissa frowned and Joseph smirked grabbing her by her shoulders and hauling her up in front of a microphone.
"It doesn't have to be pretty, it doesn't have to make sense, but you should sing when you can't say what you're feeling let it all out in a song and tell the world what you're thinking." Joseph clapped Clarissa on the back. "You don't have to be silent here Clarissa be loud and scream it out so everyone can hear we'll listen." The rest of the band watched Josephs pep talk and Clarissa stood nervously anticipating failure as the song began to play. The music was fast and aggressive she had heard of this before, it was called metal, she only had classic choir training but Joseph was watching her and running wasn't an option so she closed her eyes and just let the words flow out.
I'm afraid that I don't know what to say, when people look my way, I shut my mouth and let them talk for me because I don't want others to see. The fragile side I keep locked up within if I burst out then I think they'll win, it's a constant fight between me and them a struggle for which there is no end. I'm silently suffering while you're pushing me around, I didn't want to do it then but you took away my sound. Breathlessly I struggled but the feeling was fleeting because it was magical when our lips were meeting, you said you would stay by me but that was just a lie.. I hate you so much.. I can't stop.. wishing that you'd....
Clarissa paused noticing tears rolling down her cheeks she took a deep breath in and braced herself.
_ I CAN'T STOP WISHING THAT YOU'D DIE, YOU USED ME ABUSED ME AND LEFT ME THERE TO ROT I KNEW YOU WERE WORTHLESS BUT I GUESS I JUST FORGOT THE FEELING OF SKIN WHILE I WAS SITTING BY YOUR SIDE YOU DIDN'T CONSOLE ME WHEN I BROKE DOWN AND CRIED I SCREAMED SO LOUD BUT NO ONE HEARD A WORD I SPOKE UP WAS SHUT DOWN BUT NOW I GET TO SING YOU WASTED MY LIFE BY TAKING ME TO BED I WANT TO PUT A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD YOU USELESS WORTHLESS EVIL LITTLE MAN I KNOW WON'T SAVE ME BUT IT HURTS KNOWING THAT YOU CAN! _
The music stopped and the group stood in awe looking at Clarissa who had just unleashed months of pent up frustration and rage her face slick with rolling tears as she gripped the mic nearly crumbling to the stand.
I'll speak when spoken to, I'll follow only you, I'll laugh when I am told it's okay. I'll break down silently and feed my disease while I wither away, a silent rose left alone to wilt and to shed I can not breath I can not scream I wish I was.. dead.
The music had long been stopped and Joseph was crouched over Clarissa who was curled up on the floor crying for the first time in several months after being disowned and reviled by her own family in perhaps her most trying time of need. She had been abandoned to keep the image of the family whole just so the neighbors didn't talk her own parents had thrown her away and that wasn't even considering what she wanted concerning her pregnancy but it was too late all she could do now was scream it out if anyone would listen. Joseph wrapped his arms around Clarissa while she sobbed then Amy joined in and Ruff and even Sera all four of them helping Clarissa back up to her feet and over to the couch letting her have her moment of purging.
Clarissa's crying had turned to sniffles the entire band waiting until she was okay to continue. "You okay Clair that was... powerful." Joseph whistled and the rest nodded.
"Yes I'm sorry I made a scene." Clarissa rubbed her eyes but the four just laughed it off.
"That's what metal is about kicking and screaming and making as much noise as possible to get the attention of the audience Clarissa you have a gift some raw untapped emotion from years of living in the suburbs repressed by your dad, you could be a good lead singer." Joseph propositioned and the group agreed it was one thing to fake internal pain but real pain and real emotional turmoil translated to a transcendent experience in music.
"I'll think about it but right now my voice hurts." Clarissa smiled for what felt like the first time in forever she had shouted herself nearly hoarse but Joseph nodded in understanding. "What is your band called Joseph?" Clarissa squeaked making Amy and Sera giggle actually seeing a mouse squeak.
"We don't have a name yet but I was playing around with ideas and I thought maybe we could come up with one if we all said a word and see what we got when we put it together.. okay I'll go first Metal." Joseph contributed looking towards Amy.
"DEATH!" Amy shouted out turning to Ruff
"Fire cause we hot." Ruff compiled and then looked to Sera.
"Squad." All four of them looked towards Clarissa.
"Death Metal Firing Squad?" Clarissa pondered and Joseph's eyes lit up.
"That's it!"